


The Legend of the Holy Grail

by Akii



Series: The Men Of Letters [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Anger, Angst, Apocalypse, Avalon - Freeform, Blood Magic, Canon Divergence, Character Death, Death, Demon Dean Winchester, Demons, Epic Battles, Established Relationship, F/M, Fae & Fairies, First Blade, Friendship, Holy Grail, Knight(s) of Hell, M/M, Magic, Major character death - Freeform, Mark of Cain, Mythology - Freeform, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Oz - Freeform, Religion, Season/Series 10, Sibling Love, Violence, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-01-26 00:34:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 48
Words: 166,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1668227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akii/pseuds/Akii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has been turned into a demon by the Mark of Cain, and has disappeared in Hell with Crowley, who's training him to become the new commander of the Knights of Hell.</p><p>Sam and Cas then begin a quest to find the only person who can save him, God.</p><p>But, God hasn't been seen in thousands of years...</p><p>Fan Story about Season 10!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Obsidian Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Dear readers,
> 
> This is a fan vision of what Season 10 could be. It takes place right after season 9, some characters are original, and if you want to see what they look like, go chapter 13!  
> I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I'll enjoy writing it! As usual I love comments, and I consider my readers inputs and point of views very interesting. So please express yourself, propose your ideas, your interpretations so this becomes your story as much as mine.
> 
> Thanks in advance for your kind support :)
> 
> NB: I'm not an english native speaker, so I apologize in advance for my mistakes.

Crowley doesn't answer. Sam has trouble remaining focused on the ritual, but he's decided that he's not going to move an inch until that son of a bitch answers him. And if he doesn't answer, Sam will chase him and stick Ruby's knife in his throat for tricking Dean into bearing the Mark.

 _"Crowley, I sware to God..."_ he says, pacing around the room.

He's restless and in the meantime extremely tired. His head hurts - too much bourbon and way not enough sleep, his eyes hurt, his whole body aches with adrenaline rushes and nothing, nothing can possibly calm him down. Nothing until he knows he has a plan to save Dean, Dean who's lying dead on his bed, Dean whose body must now be completely stiff with rigor mortis.

Why the Hell does he even think about that kind of things?

 _"Crowley, answer me you son of a bitch!"_ he yells, as if he could be heard.

His voice his coarse from too much crying, and yes, maybe he should start screaming like a maniac, maybe that would calm him down a bit. There were a few moments in his life when Sam felt close to turn completely crazy, and this is one of those. He can almost physically feel his sanity crumbling like a demolished tower. If something doesn't happen very soon, all that's going to be left of him will be a big pile of rubble. And when it's done, the only decent thing left to do will be lying next to Dean upstairs and blowing his head off.

_"Crowley!!"_

He sits on the ground, in the middle of the devil's trap. This is it. Crowley must be laughing his ass off... Sam should have killed him when he was trapped on this chair, instead of lending him his knife like a fucking boy scout.

_"Sam?"_

A woman's voice, who's that? Sam grabs his gun and aims at... what's her name? Hannah?

 _"What the hell do you want?"_ he grunts and Hannah raises her hands, trying to show she's not a threat to him.

_"Castiel sent me... To see if I could be of some help."_

Sam lowers his gun and says

 _"Tell him Dean's dead."_ and tears begin to fill his eyes again, _"why did he sent you anyway?"_

" _His... Grace is fading Sam. He healed Gadriel yesterday and it... Plus the shock when he heard your brother's fate... I'm sorry Sam but Castiel is dying._ "

Sam laughs bitterly.

 _"Awesome..."_ , and adds, " _so Metatron..._ "

Hannah completes

_"Metatron is locked in Heaven's cells"_

Sam yells

_"Locked? Locked?!!"_

Hannah tries to come closer to Sam but he raises his hand to keep her away.

 _"He. Killed. Dean.",_ he angrily wipes a tear away, _"He killed my brother right in front of me with one of your fucking angel blades! And you lock him? Now you respect the damn angel Geneva Convention? Who are you kidding people?"_

Hannah sighes, she looks genuinely sad for Sam.

_"Sam... I know it's hard for you to hear. But Metatron used to be God's scribe. We... need his knowledge."_

Sam rolls his eyes at the cynicism.

_"Oh yeah? And for what?"_

Hannah walks a few steps closer

_"You may have noticed we're less powerful than we used to be. Our power is fading Sam, it's fading by the hour. One of us was killed by Metatron's followers yesterday, by human followers. He was beaten to death."_

Sam frowns

" _By humans?"_

 _"Yes, by humans. So we need to know what he's done so we can all replenish our Graces. Sam...",_ she takes his hand, _"I'm truly, deeply sorry for your loss, but if we kill Metatron, I fear we may all die soon, and Castiel first"._

Sam looks at Hannah's hand and keeps it in his before letting it go. Her contact makes him want to be comforted and he can't afford crumbling just now. Not yet.

" _I'm sorry about that Hannah but hum... I'm not really..."_

_"I know, I know... I just came to express Castiel's and our sympathy, along with our deepest apologies for the way you two were treated a few days ago. As far as I'm concerned, Castiel is still our commander, and I trust his judgement. You are his friend, therefore, you are mine. So please tell me if there is anything, just anything I can do for you."_

Sam sighes.

_"Can you bring Dean back?"_

Hannah lightly touches his shoulder.

_"I'm afraid not... I'm afraid... No angel has enough Grace left for that Sam..."_

Sam slowly shoves her hand away.

_"Then I think you can leave. Tell Cas I'm sorry about his Grace. Tell him we'll see each other soon."_

Hannah tries to catch his sleeve, her eyes telling she perfectly understood what Sam meant

 _"Sam..."_ , she suddenly violently grabs his arm, _"Sam! I feel ... a presence!"_

He grabs his gun and whispers _"Where?"_

Hannah replies _"Upstairs"_.

 

They both silently climb the stairs, and after a few steps, Sam hears a voice, a deep voice, in Dean's room. His heart begins to race, but he can't just rush to his brother's room like a puppy, Hannah said she sensed a demon, and they have to be careful. He sees Hannah has taken an angel blade with her, and is holding it strongly in her right hand.

 _"Open your eyes",_ he hears. A scottish accent. Fucking Crowley. He came after all. 

_"And let's go take a howl at that moon."_

He enters the room, aiming at Crowley with his gun

 _"What are you doing here Crowley?"_ he groans, Hannah standing right behind him.

 _"Oh hello there Moose"_ , he answers, smiling a wicked little smile. _"Well you called me remember? And I figured quite quickly why you did. I mean, you die, Dean sells his soul. He dies you try to sell yours. Kinda seems predictable, right?"_

Sam is slowly lowering his gun.

 _"Can you do it?"_ , he asks, trying to control his voice, _"You owe me, you owe him. So no soul trade. Just fucking do it if you can or I sware to God..."_

_"Sammy?"_

Was it... Dean's voice? Crowley adds

 _" A deal won't be necessary"_ , but Sam doesn't hear him, he's knelt close to Dean's bed and stares anxiously at his brother. His eyes are closed and he is holding the Blade. Sam takes it from him,  and puts it away on the night stand. He gently takes his hand.

 _"Dean?",_ his voice begins to shake, _"Dean is that really you?"._

He feels Dean's hand holding his strongly, and fights hard to repress his tears, his face buried on Dean's chest where he was stabbed a few hours earlier. His heart is beating again. He feels Dean's other hand running in his hair and his throat gets tighter and tighter. If they could just all get out of the room for five fucking minutes...

Dean sits and now Sam's head rests on his lap. Sam could remain like this for hours, eyes closed, just listening to Dean's bloodstream flowing in his every vein, and feeling the warmth of his body invading his own.

 _"Good God..."_ whispers Hannah, but Sam doesn't pay attention so she raises her voice a little, " _Sam, his eyes..._ "

Sam rises and looks at Dean. Dean's eyes are closed, and Sam brushes them with his fingers.

_"Dean? Dean open you eyes buddy..."_

Crowley coughs

_"Maybe I should warn you..."_

_"Shut up a second"_ snaps Sam, " _Dean? You with me? Open your eyes...Hannah what did you see?_ "

Hannah's eyes are widened with what seems to be shock and disgust.

 _"What have you done to him?"_ she murmurs, turning to Crowley. _"Tell me what you've done!"_ she adds, with a higher voice, grabbing Crowley's sleeve.

Crowley shoves her away and protests " _Nothing. I didn't do anything!_ "

 _"Out!"_ yells Sam " _Both of you!_ "

Dean doesn't respond to anything and Sam's starting to be seriously worried. Hannah and Crowley stop arguing but don't get out of the room. Dean's just started to breathe really fast and Sam suddenly sees his brother hand groping the bed sheets, trying to find... to find the Blade? Sam hands it to him

_"Is that...what you're looking for?"_

Dean grabs it and sighes, obviously relieved.

He opens his eyes.

 

Sam is frozen.

Dean's eyes are black like two obsidian stones. And he's looking at him. Or is he?

Sam stutters

_"De...Dean?"_

His brother's hand is clenching the Blade's handle and Sam hears Hannah whispering to him from across the room " _Sam... Sam get away from him_ "

Sam turns to Crowley and his voice sounds like a wolf's growl

_"What have you done?"_

Crowley raises his hands and says

_"Nothing! I've already told your feathery friend!"_

Sam rises from the bed, leaving an almost catatonic Dean, and draws Ruby's knife out of his jeans.

_"You're gonna tell me right fucking now. What the hell happened?"_

Crowley rolls his eyes and says

_"What happened is your darling brother's alive Moose. Changed, but alive. You of all people should understand that."_

_"Don't fucking tell me what I'm supposed to understand you trash"_ replies Sam, putting the knife on Crowley's neck, " _what happened to him_?"

Sam sees Crowley's eyes turning to something behind his shoulder and he notices Dean's hand, still bloody, catching his wrist and pulling his arm back. He's not violent at all, but Sam can feel he could snap his arm with two fingers if he wanted to.

Sam turns around and mumbles _"Dean...what..."_

But Dean doesn't say a word.

_"It's the Blade Moose, not me. The Blade saved him."_

Hannah's hand is on Sam's arm, pulling him towards the door. She says " _Stay back Sam, it's not your brother. He's..._ "

 _"The new commander in chief of the Knights of Hell!"_ claims Crowley, with a self satisfied smirk. _"Responding to one man, and one man only. The King of Hell! Meaning yours truly. Right Dean-o?_ "

Dean remains silent.

 _"I guess we'll have to work on that complicity, punch line thing_ " says Crowley.

Sam is shivering with rage, but Hannah's grip on his arm is strong. She repeats " _He's not your brother Sam..._ ". But Sam doesn't agree

_"No... He is... Dean? Dean if you hear me..."_

Dean's face is still blank.

_"Dean if you can hear me, I'm not giving up on you okay? You're gonna be fine, I swear. I'll find a way to save you, please... Dean?"_

Sam's voice is filled with tears. Crowley looks bored.

_"Well, it's not that I don't like a nice rom com moment but hum... I have a Kingdom to put back in order. Right mate?"_

Dean doesn't move.

Crowley pushes him with his elbow.

_"Right?"_

Dean opens his mouth and says

 _"Right._ "

Sam pleads " _Dean please... Come on..._ " tears now running on his cheeks.

Dean blinks and for a second his eyes are back to green.

He whispers sadly

_"Sorry Sammy..."_

And vanishes with Crowley.

 

Sam collapses on the ground in Hannah's arms. The angel is holding him against her and keeps on repeating " _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Sam_ ". Sam looks at her and notices the tears in her eyes. She's different from all the others angels he's ever met. 

He feels sick and runs to the bathroom, throwing up bile in the sink, his insides burnt by the acid.

Hannah brings him a glass of water and a towel and Sam finally says _"Thank you"._

She smiles a little and replies " _Not all angels are dicks with wings Sam_ ", and Sam makes a little half smile before drinking a few sips of fresh water. 

 _"I need to sit down_ " mumbles Sam, and indeed he feels like he could pass out in a minute. Hannah helps him to walk to his bed and he sits unsteadily, holding his face in his head.

" _What am I gonna do?"_   he says and Hannah sits right beside him, putting her hand on his shoulder. But before she can say anything, the whole bunker is shaken by a tremor and they both fall on the ground.

Suddenly she hears a very high and very shrill noise. She yells _"Close your eyes!_ " to Sam, before putting her hand on his eyes for more safety. A human can't handle what's coming and she needs to shield him from whatever it is.

She sees an intense white light through her eyelids, and a supernatural wind is filling the room. She feels her skin burn, and tries to hide Sam from the light as much as she can, turning her back to the light and hiding his face against her chest.

This can't last too long or she's going to disappear.

But it stops.

And Hannah lets Sam go before falling on her side, half burnt.

Sam kneels close to her and mutters _"Oh God, oh God Hannah can you hear me?"_

Hannah answers in a painful voice _"I'm fine... Are you?"_

 _"Yeah... Yeah I am... Thank you..."_ , Hannah hisses " _That's good_ " in pain,  and Sam adds " _What the Hell was that?_ ".

 

Suddenly he sees a silhouette in the threshold. A shadow dressed with a trench coat.

Sam whispers

_"Cas?"_

And the shadow walks closer, it's Castiel, but his eyes are shining with some kind of blue light. He touches Hannah's forehead and she instantly heals.

He then turns to Sam and says

_"My Grace has been replenished"_

Hannah whispers

_"By..."_

_"I think so yes"_ answers Castiel.

Sam gets up and asks

 _"Can someone just explain to me what's going on?"_ and Castiel walks towards him, his eyes fading back to their normal color. He puts his hands on Sam's shoulders and says _"God intervened yet again in my favor Sam_ ", and he pauses a few seconds before adding, his eyes not betraying his feelings, " _Where is your brother?_ ".

Sam just hugs him, unable to say a word, and Hannah explains to her commander what has just happened.

Castiel slowly shoves Sam away and says

_"I will keep my promise Sam. I will save your brother."_

Sam frowns, breathes in deeply and replies.

 

_"Ok, where do we begin?"_

 

 


	2. God, a Prophet and a Witch

_"I have absolutely no idea"_

Well way to go Cas, thinks Sam, and the angel casually walks out of the room followed by Hannah. Sam walks with them to the library and says

 _"Guys? Cas?"_ , and starts to feel angry, " _Cas I swear if you go all beam me up Scotty I'm gonna..._ "

_"I'm not... teleporting anywhere Sam. I just need books. And the books are right here."_

Sam is surprised Cas recognized the Star Trek reference. Hannah obviously didn't and she's standing beside Cas, looking really confused.

 _"Commander?"_ she asks, _"What do you want me to..."_

Cas cuts her

_"Go back to Heaven Hannah, and... rule it in my name for the time being"._

Hannah says, quite shocked

_"But Commander... I'm not..."_

And Cas comes closer to her, looking at her with his unsettling blue eyes

_"Hannah, you've been giving me the best advice anyone's ever given me in Heaven. You can do it. I need to stay here save Dean."_

Hannah frowns, obviously thinking Castiel can't jeopardize Heaven's future for just one man.

" _We are weak right now. All of us. I've been saved and I don't know why yet, but what I do know is I don't want us to face the new Knights of Hell with almost all of our energy gone"_

She nods.

_"I understand."_

_"For our sake, I need to stop Crowley before he re-creates this army, especially with someone like Dean Winchester commanding it. That could be the reason God healed me and brought me back here."_

Hannah takes Castiel's hand

_"I understand Commander. I'll do as you wish"_

_"Interrogate Metatron. Try to know what's happening to us and how we reverse the process"_ , he pauses, " _and Hannah? Try to know it by any means necessary"_ , he adds, with something hard in his eyes.

 _"Yes Commander"_ , replies Hannah before turning to Sam, " _Good luck Sam_ ", she says, and Sam smiles at her, thanking her again for her help and her concern.

 

She then disappears in thin air, and Castiel can finally drop his commander mask and heavily sits on a chair.

 _"Cas..."_ whispers Sam, sitting close to him.

 _"I'm okay Sam_ ", he answers, trying to smile. " _I just thought I could... I don't know, do something..."_

Sam sighes. He knows how much Castiel loves Dean, and how hard it must be for him right now to see he arrived just a few minutes too late. But he has to know something,

" _Did you know? About the Blade I mean?"_

Castiel frowns

_"No I didn't. Sam... until recently I was just a simple soldier... An orderly... There are a lot of things I don't know... That's why I thought maybe... I could find something here, something about the Blade's history among other things. But the Word of God is locked away in secret vaults. Vaults which locations are only known by Metatron..."_

There are so many things Castiel doesn't know about Heaven, about his own kind. Until recently he didn't really bother him, he was after all, just a member of a garrison. He only had to know what his superiors thought necessary. But since he rebelled, since he was involved in all those power struggles, he realized his ignorance was far from being a blessing. It is on the contrary an important handicap if he can be double-crossed even by someone like Crowley. All the more since he can't really trust his own memories. They were after all altered, at least one time, by Naomi.

So right now, if he wants to be efficient, he needs solid knowledge. Word of God solid.

Sam raises an eyebrow

_"The Earth's Vaults?"_

_"Yes. That's partly why I didn't kill Metatron. Hannah..."_

_"She told me. I understand Cas it's ok"_ says Sam, patting Cas's shoulder. Cas has a sad smile, and he adds

_"For what it's worth Sam, I really, really wanted to kill him. I owe it to Hannah not to..."_

Sam looks surprised

_"She kinda seemed to think it was your idea"_

Cas smiles

_"Not really. I'm no leader Sam, I know it. Hannah's a good person."_

_"Not a good soldier?"_ asks Sam, smiling a little.

_"No, a good person. That's why I need her up there. I'm done with this military nonsense. This is exactly what lead us where we are now."_

Sam asks

" _And what about Gadriel?_ "

Castiel looks down

 _"He sacrificed himself"_ and he starts to explain to Sam what happened while Dean was fighting Metatron, how Gadriel unleashed his grace to free Castiel so he could ultimately save Dean. Castiel feels really bitter about Gadriels's death, because he felt like he could have been a very interesting asset. He made terrible mistakes, but he was righteous and loyal, a lot like him before he met Dean and was taught about free will. Gadriel was still a hammer, but who knows who he could have become if he had the time to develop his own personality? He also had a lot of knowledge, useful knowledge, now gone.

Castiel doesn't mention it to Sam, but he knows Hannah won't torture Metatron or his angel followers. And even if he would really like to see them suffer, he knows it isn't a proper long term solution if he wants Heaven to be a peaceful place, to avoid further tragedies. Right now, what Heaven needs is not a Commander, it's not a general, or a providential man, it's a common and collective project. Doesn't matter if Hannah needs his image and his so called authority and legitimacy to build it. The important thing here is that knowing Heaven is in Hannah's hand eases his mind. 

_"Sam, I'm really sorry. I can only... imagine... what you're feeling right now and..."_

Sam closes his eyes and says

 _"Cas... I appreciate it. Really I do.",_ he breathes in deeply and adds, " _But right now, I need to do something you know? I can't..._ "

Cas nods

_"I understand. I suggest you take some rest while I read those books. It can't take me more than a couple of hours."_

Sam smiles.

" _I searched this place a hundred times Cas, there's nothing more than what we already know about the Blade. The only person who could tell us more is... Cain himself I guess_."

The angel gets up.

_"Then we should go right now. If he can help us Crowley is going to send Dean to kill him, we have to go there before them. Take my hand."_

Sam hesitantly takes it.

_"You want to..."_

_"Beam you up, yes"_ replies Cas, and suddenly Sam feels like passing out before dizzily falling on wet grass.

 

 _"This is Cain's house"_ , states Castiel. They're standing in front of an old wooden house and there are a dozen of beehives in the yard.

 _"Bees"_ mutters Sam, _"resurrection and immortality"._

 _"What?"_ says Cas, and right now he really sounds like Dean. Sam explains

_"Bees are a symbol of resurrection and immortality. They're complimentary to the Snake... The Snake represents the fertile decomposition, how what's dead fathers a new life. And that new life is represented by the Bee."_

He never thought taking a few art history classes back in college would prove to be any kind of useful.

 _"Lucifer is the Snake"_ whispers Castiel

 _"Who gave birth to the immortal Bee. And bees are also workers... and soldiers"_ adds Sam.

 _"And suppliers of life_ " completes a deep voice behind them, " _you have ten seconds to tell me what you're doing on my yard. I guess you didn't come to discuss symbolics_ "

 Cas and Sam turn around and notice an elderly man, dressed as a beekeeper, looking at them with wary eyes. Sam raises his hands and say

_"Don't worry, we don't mean any harm."_

The man doesn't move though, and looking at Castiel he claims

_"If you cam to avenge your brothers angel..."_

But Sam cuts him

_"Listen, I'm Dean Winchester's brother. The one you transferred your Mark to. He needs your help... I need your help."_

Cain looks a little less defiant and replies 

_"All right. Follow me. But the angel remains outside."_

Castiel reluctantly agrees to let Sam enter Cain's house alone, and starts to guard it. After all, Crowley, and most of all Dean, could be there any minute.

 

Inside, Sam is struck by how normal Cain's house seems. The older man told him to sit on the couch, and old one, which flowery decor is worn out, barely visible. It smells like fire wood and tobacco, and looks like how he'd imagine a lumberjack's house. Cain comes back from his kitchen with two cups of coffee, and hands one to Sam, who's so surprised that he doesn't take it at first.

" _You don't like coffee maybe?"_ says Cain, with a very serious tone. Sam snaps out of his unease and takes the cup, thanking his host and trying to look natural, even if everything is really, really confusing.

_"So you said your brother had problems?"_

Sam sighs and explains what happened to Dean, how he was turned into a demon and was now forced to follow Crowley's orders. Cain closes his eyes.

 _"Seems familiar"_ , he says. " _I warned him though, your brother. I told him the Blade came with a great burden. A burden I once carried._ "

Cain tells Sam about when he tried to take his own life with the Blade, and how he was born again as a demon, compelled to do every single thing Lucifer ordered him to.

_"You have to understand that Lucifer had an extensive knowledge of magic. Knowledge he got from God himself."_

Sam frowns

_"God?"_

_"Yes. The Blade is not only a weapon, it's a spell. It's blood magic, the oldest form of magic."_

Cain says that as if it were obvious, when Sam's eyes are wide open in awe.

_"Blood magic involves blood of course, and also death. And the spell is usually completed by the death of the caster. The Mark was designed for two things, creating a powerful warrior, powerful enough to fight angels, and instantly turning a human into a demon without having to undergo the usual process."_

Cain pauses and looks right into Sam's eyes.

_"I don't know how many... souls... were used to even create the Mark itself."_

Sam whispers

_"God..."_

Cain has a sour laughter, and then continues

_"I don't really... know for sure how it works but I suppose the first step was my brother's murder. So first step: sibling sacrifice. Then Lucifer bound the Blade to my body and soul, and it started to slowly turn me into..."_

_"A demon"_ mumbled Sam.

Cain nods

_"Yes, the more I used the Blade, the better I felt. Healthier, more confident, happier even. I didn't feel guilty about Abel anymore, or about anything for that matter. But I also needed to kill more, and when I didn't, I suffered atrociously. This was the second step: taking as much lives as possible."_

Sam thinks about Dean. Did he suffer too?

_"So I realized the Blade was transforming me. That I was going to become a demon, a monster. I turned it against me and when I woke up, I was a demon. Third step. By committing suicide, i actually cast a demonization spell on myself. I died, and I was reborn a Knight of Hell"_

_"But Dean was murdered. He didn't kill himself. Does it... matter?"_

Cain frowns

_"Magic is an art of precision. It must certainly matter in some ways."_

Sam asks

_"How... were you when you woke up?"_

_"I was...",_ Cain's gaze become vague, _"I was a monster. Truly and completely obedient to Lucifer. Blood thirsty. Violent. A man I don't like to remember."_

Sam gets up and starts walking around the living room.

_"Dean acted like... He was forced, like he was following Crowley's orders reluctantly... He even apologized to me..."_

Cain looks genuinely surprised.

 _"It took me centuries to acquire just a glimpse of conscience_ ", he says, obviously troubled. " _I'd say this is a sign the spell wasn't properly completed_ "

Sam turns to him and tries hard to hide his emotions. Maybe Dean can be saved, maybe...

 _"So can I save him?_ " he asks, and his voice is still a little unsteady.

Cain gets up and pats his shoulder.

" _I don't know boy. After I killed the Knights of Hell, I tossed the Blade in the Mariana Trench, and I fled from all those who would ever want to use me. But when I did that, Lucifer was in his cage and couldn't order me directly."_

Sam looks at his feet and mumbles

_"So there's nothing I can do?"_

Cain replies

_"I didn't say that. There is not may ways to get rid of the Mark. Your brother could transfer it like I did, but..."_

_"Crowley will never let him..."_ sighs Sam

_"Exactly, but there are two people I know of who could take it off his arm."_

_"Who?"_ says Sam, a little too excited.

 _"Lucifer, who created it, or... God."_ answers Cain.

 

Sam falls back on his chair, he can't be serious? No one has enough power to free Lucifer from his Cage, and even if someone had, if someone doesn't want Lucifer out, it's Sam. He doesn't have any kind of leverage to make him do any thing in his favor, and with Raphael and Gabriel dead, he would be the most powerful angel living. 

So...

And as for God, Castiel tried to find him once, and many other angels also did. The man's gone! 

Cain notices the despair in Sam's eyes and says

_"I'm sorry for what happened to your brother. I gave him the Mark so he could kill the last Knight of Hell. I thought he was well aware of what he was putting himself into."_

Sam looks at Cain and says

" _He didn't. He was tricked... And now I need to find God!_ " he adds, bitterly laughing.

" _For now you most certainly need a witch. If you want to deal with that kind of magic, you can't continue whatever you think you're doing without basic knowledge._ "

Sam fights against the mad laugh bubbling in his throat

" _A witch?_ " he asks, trying not to sound sarcastic.

At this moment, Castiel burst into the room saying

" _Sam we need to leave, Crowley's here... with Dean_ "

Sam looks at Cain, and begins a sentence but the old man interrupts him saying " _I was waiting for him. He's here to take my life. Go now, both of you._ "

Cas catches Sam's arm, and before he can say anything, they're both back in the bunker's library. This time, Sam manages to remain on his feet.

 

 _"You could have let me talk to him!"_ says Sam, with a trembling voice. Castiel looks sad.

 _"Sam I... I couldn't guarantee Crowley wouldn't send him on you... or me..."_ , and he walks closer to the younger Winchester. Sam breathes heavily

 _"I know... you're right.._.", he sits down and drinks what's left of Dean's bourbon. " _By the way, you didn't use to be able to transport someone before, did you?_ "

Castiel sits in front of him and answers

_"No. I guess that's a little improvement. So, what did Cain say?"_

Sam starts to tell the Angel what the Father of Murder told him about the Mark. How they had to find a witch, and most of all God. Castiel laughs bitterly.

_"Now I feel like drinking a liquor store again."_

_"You want some bourbon? I'd really like to get wasted right now. Screw responsibilities."_ adds Sam, obviously despaired. 

A voice in the hallway scolds him

_"I do not think this is the best thing to do"_

Castiel turns around and mutters

_"Ga..Gadriel?"_

He is standing at the entrance of the library, and he carries a few tablets with him. He smiles

_"Hello Castiel, hello Sam... Apparently God..."_

Castiel gets up and walks towards him

_"Intervened..."_

Gadriel adds

_"Yes Castiel. I came back not long ago and I brought you these."_

_"Is that..."_

" _It's part of the Word of God. Metatron once showed me one of his caches containing these. I can't read them and Metatron won't help, but if we find a prophet maybe we can learn what they're about."_

Gadriel walks toward Sam and says

_"I briefly went back to Heaven and learnt about your brother Sam... I'm deeply sorry."_

Sam nods

_"Thanks."_

_"I intend to stay true to my promises of help so, with your permission, and Castiel's, I would like to help you. God allowed me to come back, and I see that as a chance to redeem myself._ "

Sam looks at Castiel, and the angel seems to agree to the idea.

 _"You can stay..."_ he says, and he sees Gadriel politely smiling, and even...bowing?

Dear God... This is like meeting Cas again.

" _But I'm still having my drink_ " he adds, heading to the kitchen. " _You weirdos want something_?", he pauses, " _I guess not_ ".

In the kitchen, Sam's first move is to reach for a bottle of Bourbon and to pour himself a drink. He sits on a chair and looks at his glass, staring at his reflection in the liquid. Maybe alcohol will just shut down the pain? He can't think straight right now, he can't... He's so tired. He knows he needs to sleep but he's afraid the only thing he will see if he closes his eyes are Dean's eyes, blank and dark as a starless night.

They were so close. So close to end this all. And everything feels so déjà vu. 

Though, if he's completely honest, this time he's not alone. It's not like after Dean killed Dick Roman, when he had lost everyone he had ever cared about. He still has his home, and yes, he insists on still calling it home, and he has friends. Powerful friends, willing to help him. So maybe he's been around this block before, but not with the same company. 

He looks at his glass and thinks he should try to be stronger too. He's always told Dean he should let him take some decisions, that he was able to take care of them both. Well now is the time to prove it. Not the time to get wasted and try to die the quickest possible because his brother is gone. He's not. Not completely, and even if it means tracking God down, it doesn't matter. He said it before, no one is hurting Dean again. So he's going to save his brother, and Crowley is going to pay for everything he's done.

But for that, he needs a clear mind. So he pours his bourbon down the sink and turns the boiler on.

 

Gadriel turns to Castiel.

_"Weirdos?"_

_"Vernacular"_ explains Castiel, _"it's hum...ok Gadriel. How's Heaven?_ "

_"Fine. Hannah is doing an excellent job. She didn't let me torture Metatron though."_

Castiel has a little half smile. Gadriel asks

_"You're okay with that? She said it was your orders."_

_"I... I think old methods didn't bring us anything but conflict and suffering Gadriel. You were tortured for centuries, millennia even. What did it bring you? Nothing... Maybe Hannah's ways will change things for the best. I don't know... but I'm willing to try."_

Gadriel nods.

" _I understand."_

Shortly after, Sam comes back from the kitchen with a smoking mug of green tea instead of a new Jack bottle. He sits at the table and notices the angels surprised stare.

 _"I figured getting plastered wasn't the best idea guys, that's all"_ he says, trying to smile. Cas and Gadriel sit close to him, and Sam sips some tea before saying

 

_"So, we need a witch, a prophet and God. Easy-peasy right?"_

_"Vernacular?"_ asks Gadriel

Cas nods

_"Vernacular."_


	3. God's Tablets

Sam has spent the last hour telling Cas and Gadriel about his discussion with Cain, and the two angels seem utterly dejected. So Sam tries to lighten the mood, asking Gadriel about the tablets he brought.

 _"_ _So uh Gadriel... Do you have any idea of what those tablets are about?"_

Gadriel frowns, and lightly touches them. There are four tablets on the table, covered with some kind of cuneiform. 

 _"I do not know precisely. What I do remember is that Metatron bragged about owning them he said they were",_ he bites his lip, trying to remember the exact words _, "he said they were God's Tablets"_

Castiel is shocked

_"God's Tablets? Like...The Angels' Tablet?"_

Gadriel nods

" _Not really. Apparently these describe God's project concerning his Creation, and maybe, and that is just a mere supposition, a way to summon him, or at least to reach him. Metatron said that they were 'God's dear diary', he seemed pretty... contemptuous about them"._

Sam carefully takes a tablet.

_"I hear you Gad but..."_

Castiel whispers to Gadriel's ear

 _"Nickname, it's customary"_ and Gadriel nods.

 _"Why would Metatron talk to you about those I mean...That was hum..."_ Sam says.

 _"Strategically stupid"_ completes Gadriel, " _but if Metatron has one flaw, it is his ego. He was indeed God's scribe, but he was just a simple angel. Not even a seraph, contrary to me. I suppose it was a way to prove his legitimacy, to prove he knew... everything."_

Castiel gets up and begins to walk around the room.

_"Why didn't he destroyed them if they were designed to summon God? He had absolutely no interest in his return..."_

_"Indeed"_ , replies Gadriel, _"But maybe the tablets explain other things like... our origins. How angels were created."_

Sam interrupts him

_"What?"_

_"Think about it"_ says Gadriel, _"A lot of angels have died since God left Heaven from what I gathered"._

Castiel nods, he looks dark.

_"But have you ever seen any newborn angel Castiel?"_

Castiel's eyes are widened with surprise, he's actually never thought about this.

" _No. No I don't think I did_."

 _"Me neither. I don't even... remember being born. I don't think any angel does."_ Gadriel hesitates, visibly troubled by his own ideas. " _Maybe those tablets could give us the explanations we need."_

Castiel sits down, shocked, and Sam drinks some tea, suddenly regretting his healthy decision. Castiel tries to go back into his own memories, what is his first memory? His very first one? He's not quite sure. He remembers standing on a shore, looking at some fishes, fishes that could get out of the water for a couple of minutes. And one of his brother said "these are important fishes Castiel, don't step on it". But since he's met Dean, he's been thinking those memories sound completely fake, though he never dared talking about it, or even thinking about it for too long.

How could he have stepped on a fish without a vessel, since human didn't exist then? Who named him? Who was the "brother" talking to him?

Another old memory is seeing the Tower of Babel, the Tower God was supposed to have destroyed because men, after the Flood, had built it to reach Heaven. Babel, coming from Bab, the door, and El, God. The door to God. If it ever existed, if God came as far as destroying it, it had to be something very powerful yet he remembers it as a 37 feet high, mud-brick tower. Insignificant. Built by apes. It seems totally inconsistent and he has a thousand memories like this. Like postcards or... like... Total Recall?

 _"I don't remember being born either"_ whispers Castiel

Gadriel shrugs his shoulders, sympathizing

_"I had a lot of time to think about it when I was imprisoned. I thought about what I knew about myself, the world and even... what had happened to me. I clearly remembered having been sent to Heaven's Cells for letting Lucifer enter the Garden of Eden. But..."_

He looks puzzled

" _I couldn't remember why I did it, or what Lucifer did, or why he was even there. And I didn't understand why it deserved such a harsh punishment."_

Castiel frowns

" _We've never been raised at wondering why we were punished.._."

 _"Exactly_ ", completes Gadriel, " _And my cellmate, Abner... I never knew why he was there, neither did he. Not because his imprisonment was arbitrary but because he simply didn't remember why he was there"_

Sam interrupts the angels

" _You're telling me you have no idea of... who you really are?_ "

Gadriel sighs

_"I'm afraid so Sam. My... questions... were so provocative that I spent... millennia... being tortured by another angel, named Thaddeus. Every time I asked for an explanation he tortured me."_

Gadriel doesn't like to think about his time in Heaven's Cells, about Thaddeus, and mostly about Abner, whom he killed, ordered by Metatron. He wanted so bad to be forgiven then, to be restored in his right place in Heaven that he did what every angel was raised to do, he obeyed. He obeyed and he forgot about his doubts, leading him to trust someone clearly deranged and to kill the only friend he'd ever had. But when he stabbed himself, unleashing his Grace to save Castiel, he did his first autonomous action. He discovered what free will was, and all his doubts and questions came right back to his mind. That conviction he used to know something important. Something so important it lead to him being locked away for eternity, even if he couldn't remember what that thing was.

When Metatron showed him the Tablets, Gadriel briefly thought these could be the explanation he had been waiting for. But he didn't dare to think about it, or to ask about their content. Metatron seemed to think this would prove God to be...what did he say? " _Nothing more than a Trickster_ ". So when Gadriel woke up in the middle of a field, in his healed vessel, and his with his Grace restored, he immediately thought about finding these Tablets, and about bringing them to the only angel he trusted, Castiel.

Sam is biting his nails, thinking. Something's not right. He asks

_"Wait, wait, wait. If Metatron had these tablets in his possession, why didn't he use them? Or at least hid them better?"_

Castiel mumbles

_"We're talking about a man who hid the Angel Tablet inside his typewriter."_

Sam rolls his eyes

" _Indeed..."_ he says, " _But guys... How does it... help us saving Dean?"_

He feels like a whiny child saying this, but truthfully, he couldn't care less about Heaven's future, the declining Graces and basically everything related to the Angels. Plus he's tired, and it doesn't help him to follow that kind of conversation. If the Angels don't know who they really are, and what's their actual purpose, there's no surprise the majority of them are just hammers, waiting to be ordered around. He may be a flawed, mortal, and let's be honest, pretty fucked up human, but at least he knows who he is and where is going, when Cas and Gadriel just look completely clueless about... everything. And that's not reassuring at all.

 _"Cain said we needed to find God, Sam."_ , answers Castiel. " _I've never seen him in person, I've never...succeeded in contacting him. You remember?"_

Sam mutters

_"Yeah."_

_"So if those tablets can tell us how to find him, then we'll be able to ask him to save Dean and also to... save us all. It's uh... what's the expression? Shooting two birds with one stone."_

_"I see"_ replies Sam, but inside he feels like one of the birds is soon going to be much more strategic than the other.

" _Absolutely"_  adds Gadriel " _W_ _e were all injured in the Fall, but our global power is declining, and fast. So anything possibly able to restore our former glory is of highly strategic importance. I didn't mention those Tablets to anyone else. Maybe we can keep them here?"_

 _"In that case_ ", replies Castiel, _"We need to ward the place against other angels, if you agree Sam._ "

Sam nods

" _All right. Every angel out except Cas and Hannah_ ", he hesitates, " _and Gadriel I guess_ ".

Gadriel sighs

" _Thank you for your trust Sam._ "

" _Don't make me regret it"_ answers the hunter, who's just got up to stretch his legs.

 

Sam's kind of gloomy. His encounter with Cain didn't give him much hope. Indeed, Dean isn't an ordinary demon now, even if it's painful to even think Dean and demon in the same sentence. As long as he has the Mark, there is clearly nothing that can be done. If the Blade didn't kill him, then Ruby's knife won't either. And if injecting a demon with human blood may cure him, on the other hand, it won't take the Mark off. Cain has been, or more accurately now, was on Earth for quite a long time, and if there had been a simple way to get rid of that Mark, then he would have done it.

So yeah. Plus, watching Gadriel and Cas talk about Heaven makes him feel like soon enough they're going to think Heaven's future is way more important than Dean's. Well, if he's being just plain logical, it does make sense. They could take those tablets with them and try to restore Heaven the way it was. Wipe out Hell. Wipe out Dean... 

To that kind of beings, Dean and him are expendables, variables. 

It makes him think about John, and God, he doesn't need that right now. Though he appreciates the irony. John had always considered he would be the one to turn to evil and then, well look at that, Daddy dearest, it's your favorite student who became a demon. What does it say about your glorious education, I wonder? But it's unfair. Unfair to Dean, and it's clearly not the moment to dwell on the past.

He feels a hand on his shoulder. Cas.

 _"What?"_ he mumbles.

 _"Come with me"_ says Castiel, walking to Sam's room. Sam follows, intrigued.

Once they arrive, Cas points at his bed and Sam sits on it, wondering what the angel wants. Actually Castiel would like to have a talk with Sam, pretty much the way he figured Dean would if his brother was out of sort. But he really doesn't know how to do this. Comforting people is not really his area, but he always tries his best even if it often results in him being really awkward.

 _"I uh... I won't leave you Sam"_ he says, hesitantly.

Sam looks confused, and maybe a little amused

_"Cas? What do you..."_

Castiel sighes

_"I told you I'd help you, I told you I'd help Dean and I want you to trust me Sam."_

Sam's going to protest but Cas cuts him and says

" _Don't tell me you do because I can see you... don't. At least not fully. So listen... Why don't you take some rest while Gadriel and I try to figure something out about these God Tablets?"_

Sam wants to say he's fine but actually he's exhausted. He just really, really doesn't want to sleep if it means he's going to dream. He's torn between going to Dean's room and crying his eyes out and staying awake and active so he doesn't crumble. Thinking about Dean makes him want to scream. 

 _"I can make you sleep if you want"_ , whispers Cas, sitting on a chair close to Sam's bed.

Sam's hands are clenching his bed sheets, and Castiel wonders what he can do to ease his pain. Him too is devastated by Dean's fate, but he's way stronger, even more since his Grace was restored. Sam on the other hand is visibly tired and desperate, and Castiel feels stupid to have had that long conversation with Gadriel about the God Tablets. Sam must have thought he was more interested in Heaven than in Dean, and he can't really blame him. When Sam jumped in the Pit, Castiel had no better idea than to start a war with Raphael instead of helping.

 _"Saving Dean remains my personal priority"_ he says, bending over to Sam.

He sees Sam nodding.

 _"Thanks"_ he mumbles. _"Thanks Cas I... I'm sorry."_

 _"About what?"_ asks the angel.

_"I'm not very useful without Dean"_

Castiel smiles

_"Dean used to say the same thing about himself."_

Sam represses a sob and says

" _I think I really need to sleep, can you make me.._.", he hesitates a little, " _not dream?_ "

" _Of course_ ", says Castiel and as he touches Sam's forehead, the hunters falls in a deep sleep.

Castiel looks at the asleep Sam and allows himself to look as worried as he is. This is going to be much more complicated than he ever thought it would be.

 

 _"How is he?"_ asks Gadriel, who remained in the library.

 _"Not that good"_ answers Castiel, sitting in front of him. " _So how do we decipher those tablets? If Metatron won't read them, who can?_ "

_"Truthfully, I do not know. As I said, I interrogated Metatron but he wouldn't say anything. But how do we find a Prophet if we have no God?"_

_"And how do we find God if we don't have a Prophet..."_ says Castiel. Suddenly his expression changes and he claims _"We need Kevin Tran."_

" _Kevin Tran?"_ asks Gadriel, " _He is... dead... I...._ "

Gadriel remembers very vividly killing the young Prophet and it makes him terribly guilty to even pronounce his name.

 _"He is indeed"_ answers Castiel, " _But with the Gates of Heaven barely opened I don't think the Reapers have had the time to lead all the souls trapped in the Veil to Heaven. Which means he's certainly still here._ "

Gadriel opens his eyes wide

" _You want to resuscitate him?"_

Castiel nods and adds _"It wouldn't be the first time an angel saves a prophet. And he is our best shot"_  

But the other angel doesn't seem convinced.

_"I doubt he will accept to help us if he sees I'm working with you..."_

Castiel takes a few minutes to think. Then he explains to Gadriel that he could go upstairs and ask Metatron to translate the tablets, but it would disclose their existence to the other angels. And clearly, with Heaven being barely working, it's something he really would like to avoid. Plus, if he did that, and Metatron refused to cooperate, it would raise all kinds of question about how he would be supposed to react, and his reaction would bring even more questions about his legitimacy as Heaven's current ruler. 

_"Kevin Tran is our best shot_ " Castiel says

 _"All right"_ replies Gadriel, " _after all he is a Prophet of the Lord and you represent Heaven_."

Castiel looks at Gadriel with a slightly disappointed gaze

" _Gadriel... no. I won't force him. Kevin Tran's always been an intelligent boy. I'll just explain to him what's happened and we'll see what he decides to do."_

 

 

 **"NO."** answers Linda Tran. " _Let's be clear. If you resuscitate my son I'll be eternally grateful to you, but if it's to send him back to risking his life, then it's no. I forbid it._ "

Castiel has just arrived at Mrs Tran's house. He drove there, for more discretion, and he came alone. Gadriel is at the bunker watching over Sam, and bringing him wouldn't have been very productive, if not completely distatesful. But maybe he shouldn't have begun his speech by " _Your son is needed by the Lord_ ". That's in that kind of moments he realizes that before, Dean was the one to do the talking.

He was so glad Kevin hadn't been caught yet by a Reaper that he didn't think about what he was saying, and now Linda Tran is standing right in front of him, arms crossed and with her eyes saying if you want to do anything to my son you're gonna have to go through me. When he was still a "good soldier", he would have had no problem with smiting Mrs Tran if it meant respecting his orders or doing what's right for Heaven. But he's been since trying to be a better person and apparently, respecting people's consent can be a real pain in the... As Dean would say.

" _Mom..."_

Kevin Tran has just appeared behind his mother 

" _Mom can you at least let him explain himself?"_

Linda has tears in her eyes and she doesn't look like she's backing down anytime soon.

" _Kevin, if he can revive you then he has to do it without condition. He owes you, they all owe you._ "

" _I'm well aware Mrs Tran"_ says Castiel, and he touches Kevin's forehead. The young man's eyes become white and a bright light suddenly emanates from his body, so bright that his mother has to hide her eyes not to be blinded. When she opens them, she sees Kevin, in tears, stuttering

" _I... I'm back..."_ and then saying, almost ecstatic, " _Mom! I'm alive!"._

Linda burst into tears and hugs her son, touching his face, his hair and holding him so strongly Kevin has to push her away, laughing.

" _You're smothering me Mom!"_

Linda smiles through the tears and says

" _You missed it i'm sure!"_

And they both laugh while Castiel is nostalgically looking at them. It might seem silly but this is something he really misses. A family. Not in its angelic meaning, closer to a garrison, but a real family. That's why he's always been close to the Winchesters. Before he met them, he had hundreds of people he called "brother" or "sister" but no one who would do for him just 1% of what Sam and Dean would do for one another. Being part of their family is maybe the most important thing that has ever happened to him. Not only because it's a family he chosen but also because everything he's lived with Dean is unaltered in his mind. Those are his most precious memories and when he doubts about who he is, he always has the last five years to help himself figure it out.

So today, he's going to do what Sam and Dean's friend would do. He's going to reunite the kid with his mother and ask for nothing in return. Do what Dean would do: screw the natural order and give Kevin his life back.

" _Goodbye Mrs Tran, goodbye Kevin"_ he says, walking away. But he feels a hand grabbing his coat and he turns around. It's Kevin, with a little worried look.

" _Tell me what's going on_ " he asks, and Castiel smiles at him shyly before turning to Mrs Tran who is ruffling Kevin's hair.

" _Why did I raise you to be responsible, I wonder.._." she says, her eyes shining with pride. " _Please come in_ ", she tells Castiel. On their way to the living room she adds " _Thank you, from the bottom of my heart_ " and it makes Castiel feel somehow better.

Once they're all sit down, Castiel explains to Kevin what happened to Dean, and unsurprisingly, Kevin looks quite sad when he hears it.

 _"How's Sam?"_ he asks, obviously worried.

 _"He's... devastated_ " says Castiel, " _they had huh... managed to sort their differences out and... Dean died in his arms_ "

Kevin sighs

"Poor Sam... I can't possibly imagine what it's like for him to go through all that all over again" he says, looking at Cas, trying to convey... what? He continues

"I _remember when I lost Channing he told me... it gets better. I hope it does for him... for them..._ "

Kevin is doing something with his eyes, opening them a little too wide. What does he... Oh! Of course. Castiel replies

" _Yes... Yes you can imagine how he feels_ " while trying to do the same thing with his eyes, only resulting in Mrs Tran saying

" _Is there something you're not telling me_?"

" _No Mom, nothing at all_ " answers Kevin, discretely winking at Cas. Castiel thinks he really has to work on that non verbal communication thing.

" _So... To save Dean you need to find God, no less._ " adds Kevin.

 _"Yes"_ says Castiel, " _and for that we need your help Kevin. I won't... force you. But hum... Dean and Heaven's future might be in you hands_ "

Kevin laughs and says

 _"No pressure!"_ , with a big smile. He pauses and holds his mother's hand before saying " _I'll help you."_ and Castiel sees Linda Tran's hand clenching her son's. She asks

" _Can you guarantee his safety?"_

Castiel hesitates a little. Guarantee is a strong word, and Kevin has been hurt before.

_"Guarantee I cannot tell but I will do my best to keep him safe."_

Linda closes her eyes and after a few seconds she says

_"Not enough. I'm coming."_

Kevin laughs, protesting

_"Mom!"_

And Linda Tran adds

" _What are you going to eat? To wear? Where are you going to sleep? That's the kind of things I also care about!_ "

Kevin rolls his eyes and smiles to his mother

_"I'll be fine Mom..."_

But Linda doesn't agree

" _Kevin dear, you might be a Prophet of the Lord but as far as I'm concerned, I'm still your mother and I'm not letting you sleeping two hours a night and feeding yourself with nothing but Doritos._ "

Her son sighs and tells Castiel "Y _ou heard the boss?_ ".

 

Castiel nods, thinking Heaven would definitely need a Linda Tran.

 


	4. Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new character arrives! 
> 
> I hope you'll love Saskia as much as I do :)

" _How long have I slept?"_ Sam asks Gadriel.

The angel is surrounded by books and he seems completely amazed by what he's reading.

" _Gad? You're with me?"_

Gadriel blinks and say

" _Oh uh... yes",_ he looks around, " _a_ _pparently we're in the same room"_

Sam chuckles and asks again how long he was asleep and where is Castiel. Gadriel answers he slept for almost twenty four hours, and that Castiel went to look for Kevin. Sam's eyes are widened in surprise,

" _Castiel wants to bring Kevin back?"_ he asks

" _Indeed. We agreed on keeping the tablets a secrets for the time being, and Kevin being the last remaining Prophet..."_

Sam sits and admits it does make sense though he's not sure Kevin will help them after everything that's happened.

" _That's what Castiel said"_ replies Gadriel, " _But he also mentionned him being honorable"._

 _"He is",_ confirms Sam, " _I'd really... like to see him again... alive I mean."_

Gadriel frowns and apologizes again. He explains Sam he has a lot of regrets about having used his body in such a terrible way.

 _"I am only starting to realize how... hard it must have been for you.",_ he pauses, " _I cannot ask your for your forgiveness, because I know it is way too early. But I would like you to know that when I accepted to heal you, I wanted to do right by you I wanted..."_

His gaze become vague.

" _I wanted to be a good... person. And being in your mind showed me... what it meant."_ he says, now staring at Sam, who feels a little uneasy. Gadriel looks very sincere though. He really reminds him of Castiel in the beginning. And that's kind of a problem. Because Castiel used to be full of good intentions, but last time he checked, it wasn't the road to Heaven which was paved with these. So Sam wants to yell at him that he doesn't care about his regrets, that they're all the same. People, angels, demons, acting first and thinking later, and then whining about the consequences of their actions, saying they will do better nex time. As if it could possibly make up for everything they destroyed. As if...

" _Sam?"_

Sam realized tears are falling from his eyes and he incredulously wipes them with the back of his hand. Dean died two days ago. Only two days ago. And everyone is in battle mode except him. It makes him feel guilty but also angry at the same time, angry at the world and at everyone around for being able to function when Dean is suffering somewhere, living his worst nightmare.

There's an hysterical laugh building itself in his throat. He died again. Here we are again. Well, I shouldn't be so sad because... by now I should be used to this right? Used to loosing, used to be... Useless! We could even make fun of it right? Oh my God! You killed Dean! You bastard! Just like in South Park. Or it could be a terrible scene in a terrible soap opera where people die, and come back without explanation. Maybe some nip tucked old actress is going to appear soon and say it was all a dream, or that it wasn't really Dean who died, but his long lost twin who had been kidnapped at birth and raised by buddhist monks to be the next Dalaï Lama.

He misses Dean so terribly it's physically painful, and not knowing where he is, how he is and what he's doing only makes it worse.

He slept without dreaming and it felt really nice, this sweet, and deep oblivion, but the moment he was awake he started to be harassed by visions of Dean being tortured, Dean being forced to kill people, Dean loosing his soul, being lost forever. Everytime Dean's hurt, Sam feels it as if he was the one to be hit. It was already like this when they were kids. Sam used to pinch himself when John hit Dean, to sympathize, to show him he wasn't alone. And Dean always told him he didn't have to do that, that he didn't want him to be hurt. So Sam stopped, but he kept on feeling Dean's every injury as if they were his own.

So if he suffers like this right now, how's Dean?

He can't think straight, he can't have a minute of peace and yeah, you know what could be useful Gadriel? Burning my brain and my eyes with you magic fingers so I don't get completely nuts. Who is he kidding anyway? He's never been able to take care of himself alone. Running away, that, he can. Trying to forget everything in a girl, any girl's arms, pretending he's someone he's not so he doesn't drown in sadness, he's done before. But facing reality, doing something, fighting for a cause and not for dying in battle, he just can't...

_"Sam... tell me what I can do..."_

Gadriel is really worried, because it's been several minutes now that Sam is crying in silence with his eyes wide open. His fists are clenched, his whole body is tense, and the angel doesn't know what that means. He looks like someone who could be ready to attack, or ready to bash his head on the table. Gadriel has suffered before, he has been sad, he has felt betrayed, but he has never felt what Sam is experiencing. That being said he's been in his head long enough to know how much Sam loves his brother, how deep their bond is, deep enough to kill both of them if it's cut. And right now, Gadriel doesn't know what to do to ease Sam's pain. He could force him to sleep, but Castiel said it wasn't a good idea to force people to do things. Humans are complicated. Too complicated.

 

Fortunately, that's the moment when Castiel choses to come back to the bunker, alone. And before Gadriel can say anything, Castiel is crouched beside Sam and he asks him if he wants to sleep again. Sam nods and Castiel puts him to sleep, before asking Gadriel to carry him to his room. When he comes back, he finds Castiel looking visibly puzzled.

 _"I can't keep doing that to him"_ he says, visibly concerned. " _I know he's grieving, I know he's worried, but I have no idea what I'm supposed to do or say."_

Gadriel nods.

" _I think you did what was best Castiel, he's a human, he needs to rest."_

Castiel has a sad half smile.

_"He's not physically tired Gadriel..."_

But the other angel doesn't seem to understand, and to end the awkwardness he asks Castiel about Kevin's answer, and Cas tells him he's coming in a couple of days, just the time for him and his mother to arrange a few things. Castiel also tells him he didn't inform Kevin about Gadriel's presence and that it would be good if in the beginning, Gadriel came back to Heaven.

" _I had a lot of difficulty to make him accept to help us, and I'm afraid that if he sees you he will refuse to help."_

Gadriel looks a little disappointed but understands Castiel's point.

" _Plus I think Hannah is going to need some help up there, and I could use some extra ears. Especially about what's going on in Hell at the moment, if you could take care of this."_

Gadriel replies

_"I'll be honored to help."_

Castiel smiles and tells Gadriel he would like to have regular reports on Heaven's situation, and that he'll come soon to see it for himself. But for now, he can't just leave Sam alone, or Kevin.

" _When everything is settled you can come back."_ he says, and Gadriel leaves, after thanking him again for his trust.

Once he's alone, Cas sits on a couch and almost regrets his time as a human, when he coud get wasted. How is he supposed to heal Heaven and make it work again if he can't even heal one human? That requires a knowledge he doesn't have, and to pass the time, he decides to read the entire Men of Letters Library. He doesn't find anything about human psychology, but he does read a great deal of books about various subjects, including angels. One book taught him an interesting thing about Metatron, something he should tell Gadriel to check soon. In an old hebrew book called _Sepher Hekhalot_ , he reads the transcript of the meeting between a jewish wise man, Rabbi Ishmael, and the "archangel Metatron", who tells him he actually is the Patriarch Enoch, son of Jared, raised in Heaven by God himself to be his scribe. If this story is true - apart from the archangel part, but now everybody knows Metatron is a show-off - it would not only prove that Metatron is far younger than what he pretends, but also that angels can be created using human souls. And that, that is something interesting.

The next morning, Sam wakes up, looking a little better, and he thanks Castiel for making him sleep again. He promises he will try to get better soon, but still anxiously asks if Cas has heard anything about Dean, or Crowley, or anything. The angel can't miss the sadness in his eyes when he tells him that he doesn't know anything yet, but he tries to reassure him by telling him he sent Gadriel to investigate.

_"Sam, I know it must be terribly painful for you to be ignorant of your brother's whereabouts... But I'm doing everything I can, all right?"_

Sam nods and tries to smile. He still feels terrible, but a little less, and he really has to push himself to do something. He lighten up a little when he hears Kevin is alive and has accepted to help. He has always liked him, and admired his mother for being so protective and supportive of him. Linda Tran is a real tiger, but also a very loving mother. The kind he would have liked to have. If Kevin comes, he will have the opportunity to make it up to him, and maybe he'll find some answers in those God's Tablets that could help to save Dean. So if they don't have God yet, they have the Prophet. 

Now they need a witch. Problem, all the witches he's ever met were vicious or crazy or both. Wait. Not all. There was this one... during the Trials... What was her name?

 

 

 " _Who's Saskia Jager?_ " asks Castiel

Sam doesn't really remember her features precisely, but what he does remember is the tattoo which covered her whole back, a cherry tree branch, made of dozens of different spells. He had never seen this before and would have loved to study it. Saskia had said she came from a witch family, and that she used to be a hunter. Sam remembers her powers to be really impressive as she was able to kill a ghost with her mind. But it also made her extremely sick.

But he was sick as well then, he was doing the trials, and was terribly weakened by them, feverish, constantly exhausted and unable to sleep. Saskia had proposed Dean to take them to her home so she could try to heal Sam. 

Sam recalls she was living in a tiny but really pretty white wooden house, and that she made him a tea that knocked him out in maybe ten seconds.

In the morning they had left with Dean, and Saskia had barely said goodbye. At that time Sam had wondered if Dean hadn't try to hit on her while he was asleep, and God knows he can lack subtlety. All the more since the girl was supposed to get married soon.

But she's the only witch he's ever met who wasn't the proverbial witch. Well, she did took advantage of her knowledge and power to make a little extra money, but that was pretty much it.

So when he found her name and number written in Dean's hunting journal, he decided to call her. Maybe she knows things about magic, and precisely blood magic, maybe she could teach him. Sam feels a little guilty about barging in her life like this. After all it's been almost two years, she's certainly married, maybe with a kid, and she must want to leave in peace. But he needs to give it a try, he needs to do something for the team, so he dials her number, and puts his phone on speakers, so Cas can hear the conversation.

 _"Nan's Treasures, this is Nicole speaking!"_  says an elderly female voice.

_"Good morning Madam, could I speak to Saskia Jager please?"_

_"Saskia? Saskia doesn't run the shop anymore mister...?"_

_"Uh... Knopfler"_  says Sam, and Castiel whispers " _Dire Straits?_ ", and Sam nods, smiling.

_"She still owns it though Mr Knopfler but maybe I can help you?"_

_"Uh...yes. Saskia and I met on a fair a couple of years ago, and I'm a antique dealer myself. I would really like to have her input on an ancient chinese wardrobe I recently bought, so I wonder... Maybe you have her cellphone number?"_

Sam hears the woman sigh and he sees Castiel marvelling at his ability to tell lies with such a straight voice.

" _Well. I do have it, but I must warn you Saskia might not want to help you. She took a sabbatical leave_."

 _"Oh I suppose she did that after her wedding?"_ he says, to prove he did meet her. He hears a big sigh on the phone.

 _"Dear Lord",_ she says, _"I might as well tell you, I'm Nicole Devereaux, I was supposed to be her mother in law."_

_"Su...supposed?"_

The woman begin to speak very fast, and let's be honest, with a very annoying voice.

_"Yes! That poor Saskia was engaged to my son Michael and I loved her! I loved her, that sweet girl you know! And I still do! She's so clever and deserving but my son... Oh God, men are so... Well don't take it personally but he... He left her! Three months before the wedding. And for who? For WHO?"_

Sam wonders when this is going to stop and Castiel looks very confused.

_"Uh..."_

_"Jessica Marilyn Carpenter, the girl he dated in highschool and that I already hated then. I told him. I told him "Mikey you're stabbing your own mother in the back", but would he listen? Of course not! So he got engaged with Jessie and guess what? She's pregnant now. I should be happy to be a grandmother right?"_

Listening to Nicole Devereaux, Sam thinks Saskia is actually quite lucky to have been dumped.

_"I guess so..."_

_"I'm not! She's going to be a terrible mother! She has the intelligence of a mussel. When that darling Saskia gave me a job! Can you imagine? Running her shop while she's away. She decided to go to college. Oh dear... Anyway that's why she took a leave, because my son is an idiot. You have a paper?"_

As he had stopped listening for a moment Sam jumps at her question

_"I'm sorry what?"_

_"A paper, for the number!"_

When he's dialing Saskia's number he feels a little anxious at the witch's reaction. She took a sabbatical leave, she's certainly in college now, studying for her finals. It reminds him of his college days and how the supernatural collided with them in the worst possible way.

After a very long wait, he finally hears a young female voice saying simply

 _"Hello?_ " with a very friendly tone. Sam breathes in

_"Saskia Jager?"_

_"Speaking",_  answers the voice, now a little wary

_"It's uh... Sam Winchester, maybe you don't remember me but..."_

_"On the contrary I do, I do really well. How are you Sam? Last time I saw you you could barely stand on your own._ "

Sam is amazed she remembers his name.

_"I'm fine thank you hum... This is a little awkward..."_

_"Do you boys need anything? "_

Now this is getting weird.

_"I can come right now if you want, just send me your location and I'll be right with you"_

_"Uh... All right..."_

Sam types the bunker's coordinates and sends them to Saskia.

 _"Got it"_  she says, after a second. And she hangs up, not leaving Sam enough time to say anything more.

Sam is really confused. He didn't say anything about the reason of his call and now she's coming? Cas looks at him with the same expression. They don't have much time to think about what's just happened because someone is banging at the door.

Sam climbs the stairs with his gun in hand, and he opens the door, aiming at a young blond woman.

She turns to him with a smile and says " _I told you I'll be right with you_ " and she enters the bunker, as if it were her home. Now he's seen her face he remembers her much clearier than before. She's the same, but in the meantime she's... different, she doesn't look afraid or wary like when they met her.

Downstairs Castiel is waiting for them and Saskia looks at him her eyes opened in shock and adoration.

 _"An angel"_  she whispers, slowly walking to Castiel,  _"You shine so bright I can barely look at you"_  she says, softly touching Cas's trench coat.

 _"He shines?"_  says Sam incredulously, tucking his gun at the back of his jeans.

 _"Yes he does..."_  she replies, still staring a Cas.

 _"I'm Castiel"_ , says the angel, a little uncomfortable.

 _"And I'm Saskia"_  she completes, shaking his hand, " _It's a real honor to meet you Castiel_ ".

She then turns to Sam and asks " _Where is your brother?_ "

 

Sam sighs and say

 

_"Well that's kinda why I called you."_

 

 

 


	5. Wizards

_"So that's the whole story"_ , says Sam, after spending the last half hour explaining to Saskia what happened to Dean.

The young witch sits down and begins to twirl a strand of hair in her fingers, biting her lip. That's something she does every time she thinks and this, this requires a lot of thinking. First thing first, she needs Rudi's help. This is quite complicated for her though completely awesome in a way. She's never had the occasion to study such an ancient and complicated spell. The Mark of Cain! The First Blade! She could get completely hysterical over it if it wasn't such a tragedy for the brothers. Sam looks terrible, pale and tired... She remembers the first time she saw him when he was so sick because of that power he was carrying... Which makes her think about Rudi's reaction when he's going to learn the Winchester and their friend Castiel were responsible for the angels' fall. Her adoptive father is a nice man, and the best warlock on Earth, but he's completely anti social and he resents the people who use magic without the proper training or knowledge.

" _Saskia? So... what do you think?_ "

Saskia blinks.

 _"I think I need my stuff_ ", she answers, smiling, _"I think I need my books, my crystals and a place to stay because that's going to require a lot of studying Sam"_

Sam sighs, obviously relieved.

_"Do you think you can help us?"_

Saskia gets up and come closer to him, gently stroking his arm.

_"I'll do my best to help you two, I owe you so much."_

Sam seems surprised

_"You owe us? I uh... thought it was rather the contrary..."_

He notices the confusion in Saskia's eyes. She explains to him how Dean gave her Garth's phone number, and how it helped her to meet an old acquaintance who led her to find her adoptive father, Rudi Heartfield, who's been training her for the last two years.

" _Rudi is the only family I have left and if I was able to see him again, it was thanks to your brother. Rudi taught me how to control my abilities _a_ nd everything he knows about magic. So yeah, I definitely owe Dean."_

She smiles.

" _I tried to call him a couple of times, to thank him... but he never picked up. So when you called I saw that as an opportunity to thank you two."  
_

Sam asks

" _So you're... in control? Of your power I mean... I don't want you to hurt yourself or anything."  
_

She smiles

" _It doesn't make me sick anymore, I'm strong enough and I'm not the nuclear bomb I used to be"_

Sam doesn't understand precisely what she means by this, but he doesn't give it too much thinking. She accepted to help him and that's a real relief. Soon he's going to know what the Mark of Cain is really about, and maybe manage to help Dean. Kevin is also coming soon, and it feels nice, reassuring not to be alone again. During the first few hours after Dean's departure, he really had to fight hard against his instincts, he wanted so bad to flee, or to die, that he was unable to think. Now he feels a little better, a little more confident. People are not leaving him alone, leaving them alone. And he doesn't know why, but there is something really familiar about Saskia, though he can't quite grasp what. It just feels like they're... alike, in some ways.

He shows her an unoccupied room, and tells her she can use it when she comes back with her stuff. Saskia smiles and take a piece of white chalk out of her jean's pocket. She begins to draw symbols on the floor: a big six pointed star, " _an hexagram_ " says Saskia, " _powerful thing, that_ ". Then she draw three spirals inside the star, " _a triskelion_ ", and a circle around the star, " _the ouroboros_ ". She looks at Sam and adds, _"this is your first lesson, look. The hexagram is a star, but it's also two triangles together, you see?"_.

Sam nods, that's the star of David, a symbol he saw many times.

_"Well the triangle is a symbol of unity, so when two are combined, one male and one female, or one yin and one yang if you prefer, it represents the world. Then, you can see they also form a rhombus, right? The rhombus is the symbol of passage and exchange."_

Saskia continues her explanation. The triskelion represents many things depending on the context of its use. Here, it symbolizes the time, past present and future. And finally, the Ouroboros, the snake biting his tail, is the symbol of the infinite, the perfection of the divine.

 _"Now, what do you think this whole thing's for?"_ asks Saskia, with a smile.

Sam looks at the symbols and thinks. A passage... inside the world... encircled by the divine...

_"It's to travel... That's what you used to come here. It protects you so you don't get... lost... in time, space and worlds?"_

Saskia gets up and grins

" _Congratulations Sam! That's exactly that. The spell I use to come here can work on its own, but it's better to use that kind of portal._ _I'm going to gather the things I need, and see if my father can help us. You'll be ok?"_

Sam has a tired half smile

_"Yeah I'll be fine"._

Saskia shows him a stone she kept in her pocket

_"A quartz crystal, it works as a catalyst, look, I'm putting it in the middle of the triskelion"_

Sam sees the crystal beginning to glow, and the chalk on the ground become bright white.

_"And now I'm gone! See you soon"_

A flash of light fills the room and when Sam opens his eyes again, Saskia's gone. Maybe with her help he's going to figure out a way to save Dean, a more realistic one than finding God, wherever he is.

When he comes back to the library, Castiel is reading an old book and looks really puzzled. Sam asks him what he's reading, and Castiel tells him about what he learnt last night, Metatron being the patriarch Enoch.

" _This is... really strange"_ , says Castiel, " _I've never heard of this of... humans... being turned into angels.._."

Castiel closes the book

_"We really need to know what he knows if we want to find God."_

Sam frowns and says

" _Yeah about that.._."

But he doesn't have the time to finish his sentence because Hannah has just appeared behind Cas and is saying

 _"Commander, we have a problem"_.

Castiel turns around and notices Hannah seems distraught, he asks her what's the matter. She sighs and closes her eyes before answering.

_"Metatron is dead."_

***

 

" _Dead_?", shouts Castiel, " _How can he be dead? Who killed him?_ ". He pauses a second and adds "Where is Gadriel?"

Hannah shakes her head and replies

" _Gadriel didn't hurt him. He's in Heaven, trying to calm everyone down. Metatron died of... I can't really say. His Grace... his Grace just... burnt out_ ".

She sits down and adds " _Is this what's coming to us?_ " and neither Castiel or Sam know what to say.

Sam tries to think this through. If Metatron was given his Grace by God... if God was the one to give Castiel his back, it means God is able to create them, to manipulate them and certainly to take them away.

" _Could it be... God?_ " asks Sam.

" _What do you mean?_ " says Hannah.

Sam explains what Castiel has discovered, the fact that Metatron used to be a human. Maybe he knew too much, maybe he knew things God doesn't want the angels to learn? Castiel frowns.

" _Maybe not"_ he says. " _Metatron drew his increased powers from the Angel Tablet and I broke it._... _Gadriel? Gadriel please come down_."

Gadriel appears, and he looks even more troubled than Hannah.

" _Metatron's dead... I tried... I tried to help him but there was nothing to be done"_

He explains that when it happened, he was in Metatron's cell, trying to know if it was true, if he was a human before being an angel. Apparently, he's read the same book Cas read, and wanted to check the facts with Metatron before mentioning it.

_"He told me... He told me it was true. He said God tricked him... I don't even know... what he meant. Everything happened so fast..."_

Metatron told Gadriel that he didn't care about anything anymore, because he knew he wasn't going to live long. Gadriel tried to reassure him, telling him Castiel guaranteed his safety, but the scribe laughed and said that Castiel wouldn't be able to do anything against what was coming. He also said it was true, that he was Enoch, son of Jared, a human, coming from a tribe who had, those were his words, " _remained faithful to God and his angels, and refused to live with the Elohim_ ".

 _"With the Elohim? What the Hell did he mean? Elohim means God"_ says Sam

Gadriel goes on and says Metatron accepted to keep God's secrets, immensely honored by his attention. But when he began to write the tablets, he found out

_"And I'm sorry for what I'm going to say, but he said... He said he found out that God was nothing but a wizard, the mighty wizard of Oz, he said, and that we..."_

Castiel and Hannah look at Gadriel who seems almost in shock. Hannah whispers " _What... what did he say?_ "

_"He said we were all abominations. He said he threw us all out of Heaven because he wanted to... destroy it. He said the Earth didn't need it."_

Sam frowns

" _So... what made him change his mind?"_

Gadriel bites his lip and says

" _The power...I guess it's intoxicating for anyone. And then he said it didn't matter, because the Angel Tablet was destroyed and that it was going to kill him."  
_

Castiel asks

" _Why?"_

_"Because he linked his Grace to the Tablet to acquire more power, and when you broke it... you created an... injury? That was impossible to heal... That's what he said."_

Castiel looks terrible and he whispers he had no idea destroying the Tablet would have that kind of effect. Sam whispers

" _It's magic..."_

Hannah asks him to explain himself

" _It's just like... the First Blade or... the bone we used to kill Dick Roman it's... a spell. Linking your body or... your soul to an object... So that object gives you power..."_

He continues by making a parallel with what Cain told him about God being the oldest wizard, which is more or less what Metatron said _._

 _"The wizard of Oz was a scam",_ Sam adds, " _So what? God isn't really God? What did he mean?"_

Gadriel shakes his head

" _I don't know. Before he died he just said he should never have left his village, and then... his Grace began to burn out..."  
_

Castiel whispers " _abominations_ " and feels extremely confused by what he's just heard. Metatron fled to Earth at some point, and so did Gabriel, to escape the "constant fighting" between Michael, Lucifer and God. He went as far as disguising himself in a pagan God and when he thinks about it, no one knows why or exactly when God disappeared. It's known for a fact that he's gone, but Castiel's never heard how it happened or when.

" _Did he tell you anything about how we could restore our power?_ " asks Castiel

Gadriel looks worried

" _No. He said he wouldn't help us, he said... He said we were doomed to disappear..."_

Hannah rises and tells Castiel

_"Commander, I think we should keep this information secret for now. Heaven is barely working."_

Castiel nods

" _You're right. We can't tell such a terrible news when we don't know what to do about it yet."_

The angel then tells Hannah about the Tablets Gadriel has brought, and the upcoming arrival of Kevin Tran. She looks a little relieved when she hears there might be a way to find God and save Heaven. Castiel then asks her if she's heard anything from Crowley or Dean.

" _I have... informants, keeping me updated... I thought you'd appreciate it_ ", she says, and smiles at Castiel approving expression. Sam looks at her with a worried look, and Hannah notices. She tries to smile to him but she knows what she's going to tell him won't be pleasant to hear.

" _Crowley has begun executing Abaddon's followers_." she says, carefully. " _My informant told me that his... 'wing man', I quote, was the most powerful_ ", she hesitates, " _demon they'd seen in years_ ".

Sam tries to remain calm when inside, he feels like punching a wall. Crowley didn't wait before putting Dean to work, before making him his executioner. He feels strangled by anxiety. Does Dean like it? Has he really turned into a Knight of Hell? He feels Hannah's hand on his shoulder.

" _He hasn't killed any human, for what I was told. There's still... hope, Sam. Dean might not be lost yet."_

Sam closes his eyes, breathes in and thanks Hannah for her kind words. But his heart aches for Dean. He wants to be close to him, he wants to see him, he wants to kiss him. Oh God... This has always been his worst nightmare. Going back to Hell, going back to that place where he was so badly tortured. Becoming a demon, drowning inside himself, inside his pain... How long has he been fleeing from this malediction? And why Sam was unable to protect him again?

Hannah coughs, a little embarrassed, and tells Castiel she needs to go back to Heaven, and she looks insistently at Gadriel so he comes with her. Once they're alone, Castiel hugs Sam, and even if it a little awkward, it feels nice and Sam hugs him back. He manages to say _"He's gonna be ok, is he?_ ", terribly needing Cas to say yes, even if he doesn't believe a word of it, and the angel understands and tells him that he will, that they have the best team working for that. Sam fights again the tears coming to his eyes and says

_"The worst thing is not knowing... where he is... how he is..."_

Cas taps his shoulder and tells him they will soon know. And at that moment, they hear steps on the stairs. Kevin has arrived with his mother, and his first move, when he sees Sam's red eyes and his terrible expression, is to walk to him, hug him and tell him it's good to see him. Sam hugs him and tears are falling, because he spent weeks feeling terrible about Kevin's death, dreaming about being trapped in his own body, forced to witness himself killing the young prophet. He manages to tell Kevin it's awesome to see him alive and well, and Kevin smiles at Sam and says _"We'll find Dean, don't worry Sam ok?"_.

Sam wipes his eyes, and manages to greet Mrs Tran, who's right behind her son, carrying a suitcase and a big bag of groceries. She gives him a quick hug, and then asks

_"Sam, dear, when was the last time you ate?"_

Sam frowns, he frankly doesn't remember when was the last time he ate something else than bourbon and cigarette smoke.

_"I... don't know..."_

Linda turns to Castiel and gives him a very angry stare, so angry that the angels seems startled, and then she looks at Kevin and says

 _"You see why I had to come?_ "

Kevin smiles and rolls his eyes a little, saying _"I'll be in my room all right?"_ , taking his and his mother's suitcase. Castiel awkwardly apologizes,

 _"I uh... forgot about the food..."_ and Linda says

" _Don't worry anymore, I'm here. I can take care of two boys you know. You on the other hand, need to take care of the mess that was made in Heaven. So why don't you go there while I'm feeding this one back to health?"_

Castiel looks at Sam, a little embarrassed, and Sam tells him

_"It's ok Cas, I'll be fine, really and uh... thank you."_

_"For what?"_

_"For watching over me... I uh... really appreciate it."_

Castiel comes close to Sam and puts his hand on his shoulder

" _I tried to do... what Dean would have done... well not the... but you know..._ "

Sam laughs and says

 _"I know Cas, I know.",_ he smiles, " _thank you_."

In the kitchen, Linda yells " _Boys! Dinner!_ " and Sam hears Kevin shouting back " _Coming!_ "

Castiel smiles and says " _I think you're in good hands. I'm going to go to Heaven for a little while, see what you can learn with... Saskia? Is that it? About the Mark_."

" _I'll do that_ " replies Sam

" _Sam! Dinner!_ " shouts Linda again

" _I think your presence is requested_ " says Castiel and Sam laughs, while walking to the kitchen. He looks at Kevin, sit down at the table, while Linda is giving him a big plate of pasta alla bolognese and he feels a little melancholic. It's always like this when he thinks about his mother, about the family he never had. But before he could dwell more in his nostalgia he hears again.

_"Sam? Come on in and eat your pasta you're so pale you look like you're going to faint"_

Kevin says

_"Mom come on he's not twelve all right?"_

And Sam replies

_"No, no... it's ok"_

 

It's even more than ok. 

 

 


	6. Power Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you feel depressed or have trouble sleeping, Saskia's herbal tea (without the amethyst if you're not a witch ;) ) works perfectly!
> 
> Don't try her spells at home though!

_"Beautiful, isn't it?"  
_

Crowley is sit in the snow, and Dean is standing a few feet away, the Blade tucked in the back of his jeans. He doesn't say a word. He's been bloody silent since the he was reborn, and that's clearly a pain in the arse. Yes he's a skilled executioner, yes his powers grow everyday, but he's not... the funny partner in crime Crowley hoped he would be, and he's pretty sure he can blame it on Moose.

_"We're literally on the top of the world and you're not even excited?"_

Dean turns around and looks at Crowley with contempt. No he's not excited. Mount Everest or not. Crowley's not the one he wants to travel with. The second he opened his eyes in that room he knew something was wrong. He saw absolutely perfectly, when the room was quite dark and heard every single sound. The sensation was so overwhelming he had to close his eyes a moment, and that's when he heard Sam's voice. He felt strange. Because even if his senses were perfectly accurate, his mind felt like he was in another... room. Like everything he heard, saw, or touched he sensed through a wall, or through a glass. When Sam came to him and held him, it was like he wasn't the one to touch him, like he was... wearing gloves.

The only vivid and real feeling he then felt was missing the Blade, and that... That...

It wasn't the first time he put something before Sam but this was the worst. Because he didn't want that he didn't want to be bound to a god damn donkey jawbone and certainly not to that fucking Crowley.

Crowley he would really like to skin alive with his Blade. But he can't, of course he can't, because if being a demon wasn't hard enough he also has to be Crowley's bitch.

 _"No, I'm not."_ he finally says, still turning his back on Crowley.

He remembers Sam's words. "I'll save you". But he hasn't heard from him since he left and he hopes, he really hopes Sam doesn't do anything stupid like summoning him, because if Crowley orders him to kill Sam then there will be nothing able to stop him. Nothing. Sam is intelligent enough to have thought about this but still, he knows how he is when he's concerned. He knows how self destructive he can be in that kind of situation so please... Please Sammy, don't go on a suicide mission, don't do anything stupid and...don't leave me here with him.

" _Well, if you want I still have a couple... hundreds of Abaddon's worshipers you could execute. I gathered killing was the only thing pleasing you these days"_

Dean turns around and says

" _Executing **demons** pleases me_ ", while looking at Crowley with the coldest stare possible.

Crowley's quite disappointed. He remembered what he was told about Cain and Dean isn't quite the bloodthirsty leader he expected him to be. He's just like the man he used to be, except he's absolutely not fun anymore and he respects his orders. Maybe he needs time. Maybe he needs to kill more, to... power up the Mark, who knows?

Dean looks at the landscape around him, and if he was human, he knows he would think it's mesmerizing. All around, there are only shiny mountain tops covered in the whitest snow he has ever see. The sky is pale blue, and if he could feel the cold he's pretty sure he would be frozen. Sam would love that. He went skiing with Jess once and he told Dean he would teach him one day. One day...

He would like so bad to ask Crowley if there has been any sign of Sam, or Cas, but he doesn't dare. He doesn't want his attention to be turned to the people he love.

 _"I had some news about Heaven"_ says Crowley, hoping to gain some reaction from Dean.

 _"What?_ " he asks, trying to keep calm

" _Our friend with the trench coat is ruling it, quite well, from what I heard. But it's still collapsing._ "

Dean clenches his fists

" _Apparently Metatron triggered something which could be the destruction of Heaven. You know what it means?_ "

 _"No._ "

Crowley sighs at Dean's lack of interest.

" _It means we won't even have to bring Heaven down. It's going to collapse on its own. And when it has, I will be the only true King._ "

Dean turns around, angry

" _Calm down King Joffrey, Cas ain't dead, Sam ain't dead, I..._ "

He stops, calling himself stupid for bringing Sam into the conversation. Crowley gets up and walks towards him, with something evil in his eyes.

_"If you think I won't ask you to cut your brother's head the moment he tries to do something against me, then you're wrong. For what I know, he's been hiding in your bunker since you left and if I were you, I'd pray for him to stay there because if he goes out and try to mingle in my affairs... He'll be on your list, capiche?"_

Dean nods.

" _You should try to enjoy your new life instead of dwelling in the past mate."_ adds Crowley, _"you could do great if you were not so fond of",_ he makes a disgusted face, " _your feelings"._

Dean looks at him with nothing but hate and thinks he really has to warn Sam about not making himself noticed by Crowley's agents. But who could help him do that? What friend can he possibly have in Hell?

 

***

 

_Holy mother of shit! God damn it!"_

A female voice is shouting from one of the rooms, and Linda almost chokes on her pastas. Sam recognized Saskia's voice and runs to her room, only to see her on the floor, covered by books and clothes and boxes and... stuff.

 _"I really have to figure out a way to make things come tidy and not on my damn face_ " she says, getting up, and seeing her like this makes Sam burst out laughing. Saskia protests, saying it's really not funny, but Sam can't stop and has to sit. It's been ages since he didn't laugh like this, and it feels incredibly good. Kevin and Linda arrive and their surprised stare show how stunned they are to see the mess the former empty room has been turned into. 

" _Hi I'm Saskia"_ says the young witch, walking towards Kevin. Kevin stares at her for a moment before answering. She's a little smaller than him, and is quite thin. Her blond hair is gathered in a messy bun on top of her head, and she has long bangs almost hiding her eyes. She's dressed very simply, with a pair of jeans, a white tanktop and an old leather jacket, and she could look like any other twenty something blond girl if there wasn't something... he can't quite put a name on it, about her. It's like... what he feels when he's close to a Tablet... it's like...

 _"You can see my magic?"_ she asks

Kevins stutters

_"What?"_

_"You've been staring at me for the last minute and I'm not Scarlett Johansson so..."_

Saskia smiles, and Sam introduces her to Kevin and his mother. Saskia makes the same ecstatic grin she made when she met Castiel when she hears Kevin is a Prophet. On the other hand, the Trekky inside Kevin is really excited when she explains to him how she brought her things to the bunker.

_"You can actually teleport yourself? That's so cool!"_

_"Well it's a complicated spell and it asks a lot of energy but... yeah that's really cool"_

Saskia turns to her things and asks Kevin if he wants to see something cooler. She mutters something he can't really hear and suddenly, all her things find a place in the room. Sam whispers

_"There's a spell for everything..."_

Reminding Magnus's words when they came to his house retrieve the Blade. Maybe he should talk to Saskia about that, about his hidden house and all the objects inside it. They didn't care about it that much after Dean killed him, but there were a lot of objects and books they could bring back to the bunker. Maybe Magnus kept some documents about the Blade. Why didn't he think about it earlier? Well he would have probably been unable to understand any of it, or so. He's so lost in his thought he doesn't hear Saskia and Kevin laughing about her Mary Poppins' spell, as Kevin just called it, saying he would have loved to know how to do that when he was a kid. Linda nods and laughs with them before she notices Sam's expression.

_"You ok Sam?"_

Sam blinks and says he's fine. Linda asks Saskia if she's had dinner yet, and as she hasn't, they all go back to the kitchen. On the way, Saskia grabs Sam's arm and tells him

_"I'm surprised he can't see yours."_

Sam turns to her and say

_"Mine?"_

" _Your magic. Your power. It's well hidden but it's here. I see it"_ she answers, in a smile, before entering the kitchen. Sam wonders what she's talking about. The only powers he's ever had were those he was given by Azazel. And he doesn't have them anymore so why does she...? They definitely have to talk about this later, but in private. Life is complicated enough right now without him still having any kind of demonic powers. Instead, he asks her what she knows about weapons like the First Blade, weapons bound to their owner.

 _"There are several type of weapons like this"_ , answers Saskia, _"they can be bound to your body, to your soul, to your power if you have one..."_

Saskia explains those weapons demand a sacrifice. You have to give something precious to receive their power, that's what is used as an anchor for the weapon.

_"The stronger the weapon is, the deeper the anchor must be, especially if you want to use a power that is far greater than yours."_

Sam tells her about Metatron and the Angel Tablet, and Saskia nods.

" _That's a good example. He linked his Grace, and his life to the Tablet. It's like... ripping your heart out to replace it with an artificial one, you see? These objects make you completely dependent._ "

Sam asks _"And what about the First Blade?"_

Saskia eats a mouthful of pastas and answers

" _Well, I can't really tell you since I haven't studied it yet, but from what you told me, it's not the weapon that's strong, it's the Mark. But the weapon is at least body linked, I suppose also soul linked_."

Sam asks her why she thinks it's soul-linked, and Saskia explains him that sibling sacrifice is something known in dark magic.

_"Sacrificing your brother or your sister is a way to acquire power, just like sacrificing your child. You give up what you love most so you can get a stronger power. And the pain you inflict yourself by doing that creates a... scar? On your soul. That scar is the anchor."_

Sam nods, but something isn't right

_"Yeah but Dean was given the Mark... Cain said the Mark could be transferred to someone worthy..."_

Saskia takes a minute to think and says

" _Worthy... It could mean someone with a similar scar on his soul. Did your brother do something that could have created that kind of scar? Like... Cain was a righteous man right? He didn't kill his brother to acquire a power he did it to... save him. So did Dean... have a similar experience?"_

Sam sighs

_"He went to Hell, because he made a deal to save my life."_

Saskia looks at Sam, and when she sees Sam's sad eyes, she feels terrible for asking.

_"That uh... could be the anchor... But hum... I'm not sure. And my father accepted to give us a hand with that so..."_

Sam looks at Saskia and thanks her for her help. She seems to feel bad about what she said, but she doesn't have to. He could have guessed himself and actually, he kinda did. Hell made Dean worthy of bearing the Mark. He remembers Dean's expression when he said "worthy", when he told him what Cain had said. Sam thought he'd seen a hint of pride in his eyes, as if by "worthy" Cain had meant "great warrior"or something. If Dean had known it meant someone whose soul is damaged enough to anchor a terribly dark power, what would he have done?

_"Saskia I'd like to show you something tomorrow. The house of the man who used to possess the First Blade. He was a warlock, and a collector, he had a lot of objects and books... maybe you can find something there about the Blade?"_

Saskia smiles, a little relieved and says "No problem".

The evening finishes well, and everybody goes to bed early. Kevin decided to study the Tablets first thing in the morning, and he feels already excited about what he's going to find out. That's silly how he used to hate being a prophet, and now he's thrilled to be part of a new adventure. Sam laughs when he tells him "I feel like Bilbo Baggins", and it's nice to see him look a little better. It's not been a week since Dean disappeared, and Sam is really handling things well. He remembers how Sam left everything and everyone after Dean went to Purgatory, how he stopped answering his phone. Kevin was pretty angry at him then, but he didn't know... he didn't know who Sam and Dean actually were to each other. And now he does, he understands why Sam reacted the way he did back then. He'd love to have the words to comfort him, but he really doesn't, and he hopes he won't wake up one morning with Sam being gone.

In his room, Sam's in his bed but he can't sleep. He didn't expect to be able to anyway. Whenever he's alone he thinks about Dean. Maybe he could try to summon him. To trap him in a devil's trap, until they know more. And even if he knows it's a bad idea - Cain was never captured by anyone and there must be a reason for that - he can't stop himself from wanting to try. Suddenly, he hears someone knock on his door, it's Saskia, with a smoking tea cup in her hand.

 _"I thought you might need something to sleep"_ she says, sitting on Sam's bed. Sam smiles

_"Is that the thing you made me drink last time?"_

Saskia laughs

 _"No, it's not. This is just herbal tea it's uh... Saint-John's Wort, valerian, passiflora, and..."_ , she takes a little paper bag out of her pocket, _"this is a crushed amethyst, it's against nightmares"_. She pours the purple powder in her hands and closes her eyes.

 _"It... glows..."_ says Sam

Saskia opens her eyes

 _"You can see the glow? That's a good sign!"_ and she pours it in the tea, before handing the cup to Sam. He drinks it slowly, and it tastes like honey. After a minute, he feels better and his mind isn't filled with anxiety anymore. He even feels sleepy, and before he can say anything to Saskia, she has turned the lights off and left his room.

In the morning, they both drive to Magnus's house. Before that, Saskia asked Sam if there was a room were they could store all the things they would find and he showed her where he summoned Crowley a few days ago. Saskia instantly noticed the Devil's Trap was scratched and repaired it with red paint, while Sam was tidying up all the stuff he left on the ground and never picked up after that terrible night.

 _"Is that... blood?_ " said Saskia pointing to a corner of the room.

Sam came closer and said

 _"Yeah... looks like someone... threw up, I didn't see that... Oh my god, Dean..._ " he said, crouching.

Saskia crouched beside him

_"He was sick?"_

_"No I... I don't think he was... but he said..."_

He explained Saskia what Dean told him before he died, that the Blade was turning him into something he didn't want to be. Could this transformation involve him throwing up blood? Saskia sighed.

_"I don't think that's what he meant... You said Cain told you that he tried to kill himself with the Blade, right? Well maybe the Blade... forces you to kill. If you don't kill then you get sick. Your brother was locked up here right? So he couldn't kill..."_

Sam opened his eyes wide

" _That's why Cain said that killing yourself was part of the spell. The Blade pushes you to do it..."_

Saskia nodded

_"Exactly. I think the spell requires a righteous soul, and a righteous person will always choose to take her own life rather than escaping death through killing innocent people."_

Sam wondered if Crowley knew about this part of the spell, and when he asked Saskia if the fact that Dean was murdered could influence the success of the spell, she answers

" _Magic is precision. He needed to die to be reborn as a demon but the sacrifice was important. If the... King of Hell doesn't know that, then we have an advantage Sam, that's good news."_

When they arrive at the location of Magnus's house, Sam takes out the car a box of various things he used to open the door last time. Saskia finds it on her own, and turns around it, brushing her fingers on what appears to be thin air. 

" _This is quite strong"_ she says, " _that... Magnus, he was a warlock you said?_ "

Sam replies, while installing the ingredients on the ground,

" _Yeah why?"_

Saskia stares at the door

_"The spell... it's a concealing spell right? What language?"_

Sam looks at  the papers he brought and answers

_"Latin, it's ingressum domi dona mihi"_

Saskia whispers

_"Give me the entrance to the house"_

Sam begins to put the ingredients in a bowl and Saskia says

_"I think we can open it without... all this, come."_

Sam rises, surprised and walks towards Saskia.

_"What do you mean?"_

She looks at him and says

_"Rudi would say this man wasn't a warlock Sam. He was a... magician. He knew spells, he knew magic but he had no power of his own. And no spell beats true magic like the one I have, and the one you have."_

_"I don't have..."_

" _Doesn't matter how you call it Sam_ ", she adds, smiling, " _you're stronger than this spell, you can break it. You just need a little... power up. Hold my hand_ "

Sam holds Saskia's hand and he feels a tingle, just like a little electric shock, and then a... heatwave, going up his arm and then irradiating his whole body. He feels his forehead burn, as if he had a sudden fever, and he touches it incredulously, eyes closed.

_"It's your third eye Sam, now look at the door"_

Sam opens his eyes and sees... the door. Where there was nothing a minute earlier, there is now a closed wooden door, glowing.

" _You see it now right? So put your hand on the handle, good, and focus on what you want_ "

Sam breathes in, closes his eyes and say

_"I want the door to open"_

Saskia tighten her grip on his hand and the energy flow gets stronger.

" _Now say your incantation, out loud._ "

Sam tries to remain focused and says

_"Ingressum domi dona mihi"_

The door opens, and Sam whispers " _it worked... it actually worked..._ ". Saskia lets his hand go and he sits on a chair, seemingly exhausted. She congratulates him, telling him it's normal he feels tired. But at this moment, Sam sees two werewolves running towards them with their claws out and crazy eyes. He pushes Saskia behind him and gets out his knife, but before he can do anything, the witch has moved extremely fast and is standing in front of him, telling him to stay back.

Sam grabs her arm, and when Saskia turns to him, saying everything is fine, her eyes have changed colors.

They're bright amber, with an S shape crossing the pupil.

And in both Saskia's hand, there is a fire ball.

In shock, Sam falls back into his chair while Saskia is pinning the two weres on the ceiling before burning them. She then takes back her fire inside herself, thinking it was quite easy. She wasn't expecting two angry and hungry werewolves to attack them though. She wishes she could have reasoned with them but they were too far gone. She rubs her hands and comes back to Sam who's staring at her with fear and anger asking

_"Who the hell are you?"_

Saskia doesn't understand.

_"I thought you knew"_

***

_"So, Dean, have you thought about the people you'd like to have in your faithful garrison? Tell me a name, anyone you want."_

Dean has given a lot of thinking to the choice of his team. Let's face it, his main problem is Crowley, he's bound to the son of a bitch, and as long as he's around, he won't ever be free of doing anything. So, he needs him dead, or at least locked away somewhere. And who hates Crowley enough to help Dean destroy him? Who in Hell would do anything, anything to get her revenge on the Scottish bastard?

_"Meg, I want Meg."_


	7. Knights

  _"Know what?"_ Sam says, taking out his gun, _"you're dead! We killed you years ago!"_

Saskia walks to him slowly saying " _I'm not Azazel Sam, I'm like you, I'm one of his... children."_

Sam stops moving.

_"What? No... they're all dead. And you were not in the house with us, I would have remembered you"_

Saskia sits on the ground and said

_"That's because I wasn't there. You remember my tattoo? My cherry tree tattoo? My mother made it to protect me from Azazel. To conceal me."  
_

Sam lowers his gun and stutters

_"But how... How come you..."_

Saskia sighes

" _My mother made a deal to save my life. I was resurrected with his blood."_

_"Did Dean... Knew about this?"_

Saskia shrugs her shoulders

" _Well of course. I actually thought it was the reason you called me. I told him everything while you were sleeping"_

Saskia doesn't feel like telling Sam everything about her life. She knows the effect her life story can have on people, and he doesn't need to hear it yet. Maybe later, when he'll trust her more. She just tells him she fled her group when she was sixteen, because the other hunters used her like a tool. When she arrived in Maine, she was adopted by an old lady named Nan, and lived with her for seven years, until she died. Saskia tried to live normally in North Kingston, even getting engaged, but began to ask herself questions about her choices when Nan died, leaving her everything she had ever owned. Even if she had then everything to start anew, somehow, this life didn't feel right, but she couldn't say why. She began to hunt again so she could buy old but cheap objects that used to be cursed, and that's how they met her, when she had bought a haunted wardrobe. Haunted by a ghost who almost killed the brothers.

 _"I remember that",_ said Sam, _"It was vicious"_

Then, when the brothers left, Saskia realized there was no way she could go on living without knowing who she really was. As Dean had given her Garth's contact, she was able to find Pivnik, an man she knew from her hunting days, and then to be reunited with Rudi, her adoptive father her mother had erased from her memory because he didn't agree with Saskia's mother education. She decided to get rid of her tattoo and to train properly, first learning to fully control her ability and then letting Rudi teach her everything he knew.

She doesn't say anything about how abused she'd been for years. She doesn't talk about Logan, about the rape, and she doesn't say a word about the Fire. About how she burnt her whole group the first time her Fire overcame the tattoo that was also made to prevent Saskia from using her powers on humans. He doesn't have to know all that yet. It's too soon.

_"So... I suppose it was kind of a... blessing in disguise that your fiancé decided to cancel the wedding?"_

Saskia sighs

 _"Uuh not really. I'm the one who left I..."_ , she stops, bites her lip and finishes, _"I changed his memories so I could change my mind and come back without everyone hating me"_

She makes an embarrassed smile and looks at Sam, who's scratching his scalp.

_"Well Nicole's not happy with your break up"_

Saskia laughs

_"Yeah I know. You talked to her? And you survived?"_

Sam smiles and then she asks, more seriously

_"So... what do you want to do now? Do you want me to go?"_

Sam gets up and says he is sorry. Sorry about threatening her, about treating her like a monster.

" _I've been there",_ he adds, " _I know what it feels like. You came to help me literally the minute I called you so... I'm not the one to tell you if you stay or not. You are."_

Saskia gets up and walks away, staring at the paintings and objects exposed in the hallway.

 _"You trusted me back then"_ she says, _"when I made you open the door, you trusted me, you did it. Why?"_

Sam takes a minute to think. He did listen to hear, he let her convince him he had a power, that he could do it.

_"I don't know, I just felt like it was... right?"_

Saskia turns around and looks at him

_"It is. Sam, we share something, you and I. We have a connection. I feel it, you feel it. I can help you develop your power, I can help you training. When I was reunited with my ability it... cured me. It made me feel whole. Don't be ashamed of who you are"_

_"It's not that simple"_ he says, entering Magnus's library.

While searching for interesting books, he begins to tell her about Ruby and the demon blood. How he liked the feeling of the power running through his veins, the feeling of being in control. He tells her about how terrible his mistake was, what it triggered. The Apocalypse, no less. And Dean not trusting him anymore. Which was maybe the worst. His power frightens him, he doesn't want to have any of it.

 _"Well that's an impressive resume"_ says Saskia, before gently smiling. " _Don't beat yourself up too hard. Demon Blood is highly addictive and it's poison. You owe it to your magic to have survived ingesting so much."_

 _"I could have died?"_ Sam asks, incredulous

" _Yeah..."_ replies Saskia, " _I'm actually surprised you survived, to be honest."_

Sam tells Saskia about how he was miraculously cured after killing Lilith, how "scrubbed clean" he had felt.

" _Well, that's maybe a good sign. If we need to find "God" or whoever he is, if he's already intervened in your favor well..."_

_"So you're staying?"  
_

Saskia smiles

" _Of course I'm staying. Cain said you needed a witch, I'm a witch. So, let's research. But Sam?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"If you didn't know who I was, you called me just because... I'm the only witch you knew?"_

Sam sighs

" _I was kinda desperate"_

She laughs

" _Dude! Well you're lucky. And think about training all right? This power is a part of you. Rediscovering mine healed me."_

_"Healed you... from what?"_

Sam looks at Saskia and notices her expression has changed. She looks older, and has something very melancholic in her eyes. She just answers

" _Life."_

And goes on searching.

 

***

 

_"Kev? How's that translation?"_

Kevin can't quite answer his mother because there is no word to describe what he's reading. Since he began translating the first sentences, he's been hoping to be wrong. If that Tablet says the truth, then it means everything he knows about humanity, heaven, hell and basically, the whole world, is wrong. And it's a crushing feeling. He doesn't even know how that's gonna help Sam, or Cas. He hasn't found a way to contact God yet, maybe it's in another Tablet, and the one he's translating could probably start a nervous break down in Heaven.

How do you say to someone that all his memories have been wiped out and replaced by lies?

He hasn't been raised in a religious environment but it's still hard to read what he's reading. God's words. Did he really wanted someone to read that? What kind of solace, of solution something like this could bring? Did God ever wondered? Basically writing something like this something so... terrible.

" _Kev? I'm talking to you."_

" _Yeah it's fine. I don't have uh... something understandable yet but it's fine Mom"_

Maybe he should try to translate another Tablet and to forget this one. After all if they do find God, maybe he can tell them himself what he did. He puts the tablet away and takes another one, entitled "The Sacred Cauldron". That looks funnier, let's see.

 

***

_"Hey Dean... It's been a while... So... You came out of the closet?"_

Meg is tied to a torture rack, and she still looks the same than when he last saw her. Her meatsuite must have died long ago but she still kept that appearance, with her bleached blond hear sticking to her face with blood. She's covered in bruises and scars, and must have spent the last years being terribly tortured. Dean would like to be able to feel bad for her, but he doesn't. First he doesn't seem to have a lot of feelings anymore, and second, it's Meg. She killed Ellen and Jo and that... That blew away any kind of sympathy he could ever have for her.

" _Shut up."_

He unties her, and she stands unsteadily on her feet. Dean orders her to get on her knees, and Meg gives her a cocky smile he dismisses with an expression of contempt.

_"Repeat after me: I here swear fealty and do homage to the Crown of Hell"_

Meg repeats, a little confused.

_"I swear I will always be loyal to the bearer of the Mark"_

She repeats again, looking at Dean with something which looks like fear. Are the rumors she heard true?

_"Meg, you have been deemed fit for a high estate. Do you now swear on our King's name that you will honor and defend Hell?"_

_"I... I do, I guess."_ she says, hesitantly.

" _Then having sworn these solemn oaths, know now that I, Dean Winchester, bearer of the Mark of Cain, and beholder of the First Blade, dub you with my sword..."_

Dean takes out the first Blade and holds it above Meg's head

_"Once for loyalty, twice for strength, thrice for mercilessness. Arise, Knight of Hell"_

Meg gets up and is suddenly surrounded by a red smoke, like a tornado. She feels the smoke forcing the entry of her body, and she screams in pain as she feels herself burn from the inside. She looses consciousness, and when she wakes up, all her wounds are healed and she feels... she feels... extremely well.

" _What the Hell just happened?"_ she says, looking incredulously at her cured limbs. Some kind of tremendous energy is running through her veins and she feels like she could eat the whole world. She begins to laugh, and the laugh becomes more and more ecstatic, almost hysterical. In the end, she's crying and laughing at the same time, rolling on the bloody floor, enjoying the smell and the taste of blood and desperately needing to kill something.

 _"I need to kill"_ she says, grinning

Dean crouches.

" _Calm down, I know what you're feeling, but calm down. You'll get to kill all right, but not now. I need your help."_

Meg gets up and says

_"Whatever you want. Tell me, tell me what I have to do."_

Dean grins and tell her his plan to get rid of Crowley, and Meg claps her hands like an evil child.

 

***

 

 _"I found something"_ , says Sam, carrying a big volume on the table. _"It might talk about the Mark and it's... bound with human skin, because of course it is."_

 _"Yikes"_ replies Saskia, approaching carefully. _"Let me see it",_ she runs her fingers on the cover, " _It's ok there's no trick"._

Sam begins to read the volume, called " _Arma A ntiqua et Diabolica_", and is happy his latin isn't too rusty. Apparently, this book is the translation of several more ancient others. After flipping a few pages, he finally find one with " _Ad Cain Signum_ " as a title. The chapter details the spell used to create the Mark and to bind the Blade to its owner. Cain had the right instincts, and the spell is as vicious as they supposed it would be. Sam decides to write it down.

" _So let's see. The spell does require a righteous man, a righteous soul, and a sacrifice for what he thinks is the greater good."_

Saskia looks at the book and adds

_"That's what I suspected. By making the sacrifice, the righteous man creates a scar on his soul."_

Sam continues writing and describes how the Mark is then apposed on the man's arm, anchored on the breach created by the sacrifice.

" _The Mark is as you said body-bound, that's how it makes the bearer sick when he doesn't kill..."_

_"That is basic dark magic. Parasitism."_

_"And it's also soul-bound."_

The Mark pushes the bearer to kill so it can use the energy of the lives it took to infect the entire physical body, thus making the bearer even more eager to kill, and even more sick if he stops.

" _But as the power grows stronger, the bearer is also pushed to complete the spell by turning the Blade against himself."  
_

_"Second sacrifice."_

The suicide of the bearer allows the Mark to deepen its anchor into his body and turn him into a demon, and to replace his soul by a new one, the Blade with an even greater power.

_"This whole spell is a trick. The man kills his brother believing to do good, and actually it was a sacrifice so he could be a killer. And then he kills himself to set things straight, and in truth he was offering his soul to get a greater power"_

_"Twisting a soul creates a lot of energy Sam. But remember, Dean didn't do the last step, at least not completely."_

Sam goes on. As a newborn demon, the Blade is bound to his master, the King of Hell and is nothing but blood thirst and loyalty. Even in that form, killing makes him stronger as the Mark swallows the life energy of the dead and use it to strengthen itself.

_"Wait... If the Mark's influence gets stronger with every killing, then we should try to get your brother out of hell real quick."_

Sam sits

_"Because if he stays too long..."_

Saskia crouches next to Sam

_"I don't know if we'll be able to find God Sam. But with that book and Magnus's notes about the Blade, if we find them, maybe I can try to make a devil's trap powerful enough to imprison your brother."_

Sam adds

 _"There's a cure... for demons... injecting them human blood, do you think that I could..._ "

Saskia sighs

" _I don't know Sam. He's not any demon. And even if it worked, it wouldn't get him rid of the Blade, and then... not killing would kill him again_."

Sam looks desperate, but Saskia insists

_"We're going to bring that book back, with everything we can find, and the I'll call Rudi. We'll make a trap together. I don't think we can honestly bet too much money on the finding God here..."_

Sam gets up and goes to Magnus's office

_"We'll do that. Capture him. Find a way to stop the Mark from spreading... And Saskia?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"I'm really interested in that training you talked about."_

 

***

 

After an day spent researching for documents about the Blade, Sam drove back to the bunker and Saskia modified the house's door to transform it into a portal to the bunker. She got rid of Magnus's body, and all the other creature's, and worked at undoing all the spells he had put in his house to trap or kill unwanted visitors. She then spent a few days gathering all the information she needed about the Mark and the Blade, taking also some time to begin Sam's training. And as he already knew a few things about magic, he was a fast learner. But his power was still very weak and she knew she needed help to awaken it.

She called Rudi so he could come and help her design a trap and find a temporary solution to help Dean. Rudi was really happy to come though he wasn't fond of the idea to be trapped underground with people, it had been a long time since he last had an occasion to use his powers at their full extent. Training Sam seemed also very interesting, so he said he would gather a few books and come when he'd be ready.

When she got out of the house and walked into the bunker's storage room, she thought the place was way too silent, and she ran to the library, only to find Kevin, sit at the table, surrounded by papers, with his mother, Sam, Castiel, Gadriel and Hannah looking somewhat traumatized.

" _What happened?_ " she says, worried.

" _You're not gonna believe this_ "says Sam, " _apparently we need to find the Grail_ "


	8. Amber

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers!  
> At this point of the story I would really love to have your input! Do you like where this is going? 
> 
> Don't hesitate to give me your point of view :)

" _The what?"_ asks Saskia, who's pretty sure she's heard " _the Grail_ " but doesn't want to believe it.

" _The fucking Grail_ " says Kevin, before correcting himself when he hears his mother cough. " _The holy Grail"._

 _"No shit...?"_ says the witch, and Linda abandons the idea of having anyone speaking correctly.

Kevin gets up and starts explaining what he's found in the Tablet he translated, the one entitled "The Sacred Cauldron". 

_"In the beginning, I wondered what it was about, because I really couldn't understand a thing. Basically, it talks about an object forged by God, a cauldron with a set of different powers"_

The young Prophet explains the Tablet tells how God made the first heavenly artifact, a cauldron, or a jar, it's unclear, which contained the Elixir of Life. The Elixir of Life is supposed to give immortality, and anyone who looks at the inside of the Cauldron can see the world and its future.

_"The tablet has several names for that object, Sacred Cauldron, Jar of Life, Jar of Immortality... The last part talks about how in the 'End', the 'King Who Failed' would sacrifice himself by drowning in the Elixir, to 'Purify the World and bring it to a new era'."_

Saskia frowns, confused, and Kevin adds " _Yeah I know, it makes no sense, but it started making some when Sam read it."_

Sam explains

_"There are several myths, in almost every part of the world, that talk about magic cups, jars or cauldrons that are supposed to bring power or immortality. The first one I thought about was an old Irish myth, the Dagda's Cauldron."_

Saskia opens her eyes wide.

_"Of course! The Dagda is the god of the druids! I remember that story."_

Sam continues

" _Well that myth was used by the Christian to forge another one, the Legend of the Holy Grail, the cup supposed to have received the blood of Jesus when he died._ "

Saskia nods

_"In the book, the real power of the Grail is to reveal something. The only knight who looked inside the Grail, Galaad, wished to die afterwards, because after what he saw he couldn't live anymore. So I thought about what Kev said, the fact that the 'Elixir' contains a knowledge that a human cannot handle."_

The witch nods again but says _"Yeah but I don't see..."_

Kevin interrupts her

_"That's when it becomes pure genius. You're a genius."_

_"Thanks Kev."_ says Sam, a little embarrassed  " _Well, I think the Grail is actually... God's vessel._ "

Saskia shouts, startled

_"What? How?"_

_"Think about it, the cauldron basically symbolizes eternal life and knowledge. And it can also resurrect the dead. The medieval name of the Grail is Graal. A graal is a dish, all right, but there's also another name Sangreal which means..."_

_"Saint Graal?"_

_"Or Sang Real, Royal Blood"_

Saskia looks skeptical

_"That's getting a little Da Vinci Code here, no?"_

Sam laughs

_"A little maybe but... if the Elixir is the Royal Blood, who's the King?"_

_"God?"_

_"So the cup, or the cauldron or the jar... is the recipient of God's blood."_

Saskia looks stunned and mutters " _Oh dear...The Grail is the vessel that can hold... God's Grace?"_

Sam smiles and says _"I think so yeah."_

Saskia laughs

_"Kev's right, this is genius. Damn Sam, you deserve some vacation now dude."_

Kevin gets up and high fives Sam and Saskia, when the angels remain terribly still.

 _"God is on Earth."_ whispers Castiel

Sam comes close to him and pats his shoulder

_"Yeah Cas, Joshua told us, you remember?"_

Cas doesn't look at him

" _I do. But it was never... clear. Now we have proof. And he never made himself known to us. Many angels think he's dead."_

Hannah continues

" _God created a vessel... that could hold his Grace it means he planned... to leave us, to leave heaven. And what the part about the sacrifice means? Did he... sacrifice himself? When? Why? For what... purpose?"_

She sits, looking traumatized. Gadriel sits close to her and takes her hand.

" _I don't understand it more than you do sister. But if we wants those answers, then we need to find him. Kevin?"_

 _"Yeah?"_ replies Kevin, visibly a little nervous.

" _That's an excellent job you did, thank you very much."_

 _"Uh ok thanks Gadriel."_ he says, while Linda gently hold his arm and pull him close to her. Gadriel sighs, says he has to leave and disappears. Linda snaps at Castiel.

_"Why did you bring him here? That man murdered my son in cold blood."_

Saskia looks at Sam, wondering what the Hell is going on.

_"I'm sorry Mrs Tran but... Gadriel is the only angel left, with me, to have a full Grace. He sacrificed himself to save Heaven, and me, and God resurrected him he's... willing to redeem. He was... misguided."_

Linda doesn't seem to feel any better.

 _"If he gets misguided again, I will kill him myself."_ she says, before adding, _"Kevin decides if he wants to have him around or not, but frankly Castiel, you should have asked before bringing him here."_

Hannah walks towards Linda and tells her she understands her feelings and she promises Kevin will be safe _._ Kevin intervenes

" _Mom I won't say that I'm comfy around Gadriel for now but... For what I've seen... Angels are...",_ he tries to smile at Castiel, " _soldiers... Gadriel had a bad commander and..."_

Linda smiles at her son

_"Honey, I can't tell you how many crimes were committed in the name of 'I was merely respecting orders'. People have a conscience. And my point is, do those people have?"_

Castiel looks at his shoes, but Kevin defends him.

_"They do, they try to have one of their own... Mom... Gadriel takes his orders from Castiel, and he brought me back so... Can we just... put everything aside? We need to be united if we want to succeed."_

Linda swallows the tears coming to her eyes and she ruffles her son's hair

 _"As you like."_ she whispers, and she sees in Castiel's eyes a mix of guilt and admiration. Sam gives him a friendly pat on the shoulder that makes him jump, and everyone seems okay apart from Saskia who's discretely left the Library. Seeing Linda ready to defend her son, ready to kill an angel even if she perfectly knows she would be the one to die made her think about her mother, and now she needs, really needs to smoke. Maybe an entire packet.

Ellen, Leni, Rose... or Mama, when she was a kid. Ready to tattoo Saskia's back with her own blood to conceal her from Azazel, but unable to protect her from the violence of the group they lived with. She was never proud of her. She looked at her with a half weary, half scared gaze, even more when Saskia killed something or managed to do a perfect spell. She said "that's good", and then seemed to drown in anxiety.

She spent ten years trying to protect Saskia from herself, binding her power so she would never be able to attack humans, but she never thought for one minute that her daughter could suffer in the hands of others. That without her power, she was just a slender girl, unable to defend herself, and that her weakness would be used over and over again until she reached a point of no return. When Rudi took out her tattoo, and unleashed her powers, all her scars were healed. Outer scars. She doesn't have cigarette burns, or gunshot wounds, or knives scars, but the scars on her soul are still there. Sometimes she can't feel them, and sometimes they hurt like hell.

She lights a cigarette and is so lost in her thought she doesn't hear Sam came in.

" _You're okay?"_ he says, gently, and he sees Saskia standing in a corner of the room, surrounded by smoke. Her hair is tied on top of her head and Sam notices her back is covered with... black birds.

" _You have a new tattoo?"_ he adds, trying to make her react, and when she turns around, he can see her eyes flicker from green to amber and back to green. She whispers that she does, it's several protection spells hidden under nightingales.

 _"Sorry"_ , she mumbles, " _Family moments make me..._ " she rubs her eyes and tries to smile. " _So uh... How do we find that Grail?_ "

Sam comes closer to her and ignores her question

" _Me too."_ he says, trying to show her he understands. Saskia appreciates the intention, and discretely nods. It's not the time to dwell in painful memories, especially not for Sam who has enough on his plate.

 _"I'm fine",_ she says, " _I'm just a little tired. To much reading!"_

_"Okay then, Linda's making tea for everybody and Kev is gonna tell us about the rest of the Tablet, come when you're ready."_

Saskia smiles

" _I'm ready.'_

 

***

 

 

  _"Can I get you anything?"_

It's not very brave and he knows it, but right after hearing for the second time that God is on Earth, and has actually planned his escape millenia's ago, Castiel didn't feel like hearing how they were supposed to find him. He thought for a moment that if he had God in front of him, he wouldn't be in awe, but would pretty much slap him and call him a son of a bitch, à la Dean.

So he asked Hannah to listen and to make him a report afterwards, pretexting he had to go to Heaven to supervise the questioning of the remaining of Metatron's followers. Truthfully he just wanted to be alone for a moment. Dean would know what to say, Dean would have something funny and spirited to qualify this situation.

_"Sir?"_

_"No thank you"_   he mumbles, folding and unfolding his napkin.

He needs God's help to save Dean. He needs God's help to save Heaven, and frankly, he would really like to be able to do that on his own. He's maybe flawed, he made mistakes, but he wouldn't abandon all the people he cares about. Did God care?

_"You seem gloomy Clarence, did someone break your halo?"_

Castiel looks at the waitress, who casually sits in front of him. She looks maybe thirty, has long and curly red hair, and light blue eyes. She could look like the most innocent and kind woman, but her smirk betrays her real nature.

" _Meg?"_

She smiles and ruffles her hair with both her hands

_"You like my new look?"  
_

Castiel is stunned, last time he saw Meg, it was before he disappeared in Purgatory. When he came back, she was nowhere to be found, presumed dead, killed by Crowley. He wouldn't admit it in front of anybody, but he felt some kind of connection to Meg. She was maybe the only demon he thought would be able to redeem some day.

_"But how... I thought..."_

Meg sighs

_"I was in Hell Clarence... And guess who freed me? Your boy toy! Well he's not much of a boy anymore. And if he's still a toy, he's not yours anymore."_

Castiel mutters

_"You saw Dean?"_

_"More than that",_ she says, showing him her wrist, burnt with "Knight" written in Enochian, "I've got a little special juice from him"

Castiel lowers his right hand and holds his angel blade.

_"Don't worry. He sent me to talk to you, so listen, I don't have much time. We're gonna take down Crowley, my general and I. As long as he's around, Dean's his bitch."_

Castiel nods and says he knows.

 _"How are you going to proceed?"_ he asks

_"You don't have to know. The only thing Dean wants you to do is to protect his brother. Don't let Sam summon Dean or try to contact him, at any cost. And don't let him get out of the bunker."_

Meg looks more like how she used to be, the few times they had a conversation. She seems concerned.

 _"Why?"_ says Castiel, bending a little over the table.

" _Crowley said that if Sam tried anything against him, he would make Dean kill his brother. So give us a little time._ "

Castiel bites his lip

_"How is he?"_

Meg tilts her head and says, looking a little sarcastic

_"Pretty resentful...  But he's still himself if that's what you were wondering. Don't worry too much, he's the most powerful demon I've ever seen."_

At this moment, Castiel notices everyone in the coffee shop has stopped moving. Meg turns around and sighs.

_"Apparently I've been followed"_

A male demon yells "capture her! Inform the king!"

Before Cas can do anything, Meg's eyes have turned black and she has a short blade in her hand. She begins to kill the demons one by one, with tremendous strength. She even manages to catch a black smoke and to shove it back into a human body before stabbing it several times with her weapon. Her face covered with blood, she turns to Castiel and says

" _Protect Sam and wait for my heads up before you do anything ok? Take care Clarence_."

Before vanishing.

 

***

 

_"We have to do... quests?"_

Kevin explains that's what he gathered from the rest of the tablet. The problem is the content of the quests is not explained.

 _"It only talks about um... 'looking for the castle' or house it's unclear... 'hidden in the secret mirror'..._ "

Sam rolls his eyes

" _Why do they have to be cryptic like this all the damn time?"_

 _"Because they're assholes?"_ says Saskia, while chewing on an apple. She managed to calm herself and to come back to the Library. " _That wouldn't be fun if it wasn't a little complicated"_ she adds.

A deep male voice adds

_"And now you have one more person to help"_

Sam turns around and sees a sixty-something tall man, with grey-blond hair, and mischievous grey eyes.

_"I'm Rudger, Saskia's father, but you can call me Rudi."_

Sam walks towards him and shakes his hand. Rudi stares at him from head to toe and says

" _You were right sweety, he does have an interesting power. I'm surprised you didn't feel the seal though."_

Saskia comes closer and says _"What seal?"_

_"Well hidden, but not so well for the trained eye, do you want it removed Sam? Saskia said your power wasn't dangerous to humans."_

Sam hesitates. He's still frightened by his old abilities, by what it made of him. But these last days, while practicing with Saskia he felt like someone who had been trapped in a wheel chair and was suddenly able to walk a few steps again. He had always thought this feeling of powerlessness he had been bearing for so many years came from his inability to protect Dean, from his inability to be the person his father, as much as he resents him, wanted him to be. Practicing basic magic, feeling this very special heat running through his veins made him feel, somehow better, hopeful even. It scared him a little of course, because when he was "training" with Ruby, he had more or less the same feeling, this conviction he had the ability to save the world, to save Dean. But with Saskia, there were no tricks, no demon blood, no deals just... basic homework. Plus she has a power way scarier than his as her whole body was resurrected with Azazel's blood, she could burn an entire city if she wanted and yet, she's kind and... normal. She's the living proof someone can grow up good and strong with her roots planted in a rotten soil.

When he asked her if his power could help Dean, she told him what he already knew, and she was right, he did. He just didn't want to admit it, he didn't want to see the guy who trusted Ruby in the mirror again, the Boy King, the one who started the Apocalypse. 

But as she said, it's a part of him. And when his power was taken away, it made him weak and defenseless. You need to embrace your nature, she said, you need to be fully yourself, unafraid, unashamed. You need to be strong again so you can defend yourself and your brother. And who knows, maybe his ability could be useful to trap Dean if needed. 

Sam looks at Rudi's eyes and sees nothing but kindness. He's the one who helped Saskia control her Fire, he doesn't see her, he doesn't see them as monsters but as, as Saskia said "miracles". To Rudi, she told him once, she is a miracle. She came back from the dead with enough power to kill hundreds of people, but she remained the same kind-hearted child she had always been. They conciliate light and dark magic in the most balanced way, and for that they are extraordinary.

 _"I... I want it removed, yes."_ he says, hesitantly, and Hannah cuts

_"Sam are you sure..."_

But before she can finish her sentence Rudi takes one of Sam's hands in his and asks Saskia to do the same, before taking her remaining hand. He closes his eyes and says

" _We're forming this circle to free our brother, Sam, from the seal restraining his power"_

Saskia closes her eyes, and so does Sam, who begins to feel his hands tingle, just like the time Saskia gave him a "power up" at Magnus's.

 _"Sam, I want you to focus, you hear me? The seal is placed on your heart, not your physical heart, but the energy point that's right there ok?"_ says Rudi, in a very calm voice.

 _"Ok"_ answers Sam, a little anxious.

_"Now, visualize it, it's green, it irradiates, and there is a lock, right in the middle of it, you see it?"_

Sam closes his eyes tighter and tries to imagine a green circle. Naturally he thinks of Dean's eyes, his deep green eyes, and he feels his chest becoming warmer and warmer. He visualizes a lock in the middle of the pupil. _"I see it"_ he says, still a little hesitant.

_"Good, now, Saskia and I are going to give you enough energy to open it. Just focus on the lock and repeat 'by the power of this circle I command you to release me' "_

_"How..."_ Sam opens his eyes a little, and sees Saskia and Rudi, eyes closed looking very focused. His arms are burning hot, and he begins to feel a little scared. Even more since Kevin has his eyes opened wide in what looks like shock, and so does Hannah.

Rudi opens his eyes and smiles to Sam before saying  _"Don't worry son, they just begin to see your energy, and there's a lot to see, believe me"_

Sam nods, not really convinced. Rudi continues

_"There's nothing to be afraid off, we're right here with you now, close your eyes, focus and r_ __epeat 'by the power of this circle I command you to release me' "_ _

Sam repeats a first time and he feels the energy flow in his body getting stronger. The second time, he says it with more intent and he begins to feel his head hurt a little. It's hard to remained focused on the image of Dean's eye, but the energy soon invades his heart and he feels lightheaded, like suddenly he's not completely there anymore.

 _"You're close"_ whispers Saskia, " _Come on..."_

Sam repeats the sentence a third time and he feels like he's been struck by thunder. His whole body jerks, and he feels extremely hot and extremely cold at the same time. He feels Saskia and Rudi have let his hands go, but the energy is still running wild in his veins, like an adrenaline rush but a hundred times stronger. He has trouble breathing and is gasping for air. He hears Linda yelling  _"What's wrong with him?"_ and Rudi saying with his impressive calm voice  _"Nothing. He broke the seal, and now he's hit with a tsunami of energy. Help me lie him down."_

He feels several hands lifting him and carrying him to his bed, but it's like he's not even here. He's extremely conscious and unconscious at the same time, and most of all he feels extremely well. Healthy, strong, even somehow omniscient. After a minute, after hours, he cannot say, he wakes up with Saskia, Rudi, Kevin, Linda, Hannah and Castiel, who came right back from wherever he was, at his side.

 _"How do you feel?"_ asks Saskia, while taking his hand.

Sam sits, his eyes still closed and says

_"I've never been better in years."_

He opens his eyes.

They're bright amber.

With an S shape crossing the pupil.

 

 

 


	9. Unholy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write, I hope I'm going the right way!
> 
> Don't hesitate to comment, it feeds my imagination ;)

_"This is unholy"_

Castiel is standing close to the edge of Sam's bed, and he has trouble containing his anger. He has just come back to the bunker, called by a very distraught Hannah, telling him the witch and her father were trying to revive Sam's powers. He had just left Meg, he had just promised her to protect Sam and here he was, failing before being even able to try. He should have seen. He shouldn't have let Sam invite this witch in. Witches are abominations, witches are opportunists, ready to do just anything to acquire more power, deals, sacrifices and who knows what else. 

When he arrived to the bunker, Hannah was waiting for him, terribly anxious, apologizing over and over for not having been able to stop what had happened. She told him Sam went into some kind of seizure, and Castiel ran to his room, only to find him sit on his bed, holding the witch's hand, and saying he had never felt better in years. Kevin and Linda were standing in a corner of the room, visibly shocked, and when the angel walked closer to Sam he understood why. His eyes had changed color. They were golden, and the witch's too. She was smiling, telling Sam everything would be fine from now on, that he was whole again, and he fell right back into a deep sleep.

Then Saskia told him, apparently quite proud of herself that she and her father had managed to remove the seal which blocked Sam's magic. _"We're the same_ " she said, " _I'm one of Azazel's children as well"_. He wanted to slap that smile out of her face, but he just muttered through his clenched teeth " _You have no idea of what you've done_ ", while looking at Sam. And then he added, with pure hatred in his eyes,

_"This is unholy"_

An older man is standing at the opposite corner of the room, and Castiel notices him at this moment. He is leaning against the wall, looking at him from across the room with an insolent gaze. Castiel remembers when Saskia saw him for the first time, how she could see his Grace and the look of pure adoration she had then. How it fooled him. But this man is different. Is he the father Hannah mentioned earlier? He stares at him with what looks like sarcasm, and he repeats, after a few seconds

_"Unholy?"_

With a contemptuous smirk, while he casually walks out of the room. Castiel follows him out, outraged and once they're far enough he snaps

_"These powers triggered the Apocalypse. These powers were given to him by a demon and they destroyed him. They destroyed his brother and they almost destroyed the world."_

Rudi sits in an armchair, and still look utterly unimpressed.

_"They were sealed by God himself. What you did is pure blasphemy."_

The warlock laughs.

_"This seal wasn't made by your God, angel, or he's not very powerful for someone who's supposed to have created you. The kid made it."_

Castiel frowns.

 _"Seal on the fourth shakra."_  he says, pointing at his heart, " _He mentioned to Saskia that trusting a demon over his brother, Dean, is it? Broke his heart. Has he ever been... I don't now, sad, bitter, prone to self hate?"_

The angel looks lost for a second and Rudi continues, sighing

_"Effects of the seal. This kid has been so traumatized by what he did, that he unconsciously turned his own power against himself."_

He gets up and starts walking around the library, adding

_"You say his power is unholy because it comes from a demon, right?"_

Castiel feels angry again and mutters

 _"What do you think?"_ fighting hard against his instinct to fry this man's brain for good.

 _"He's not dangerous to people. A demon gave him the power to smite demons. That's kind of ironic when you think about it, right?"_ he replies, with a cocky smile that strangely looks like Dean's. He sits back in his armchair, and points his index finger to the table. Suddenly, a pen flies from it, and floats in the air until it stops, right in front of the angel's eyes. Rudi snaps his fingers, and the pen breaks into two parts. Castiel jerks a bit.

 _"I was born with this power, and no demon blood was involved",_ says Rudi,  _"I can do that to pen, I can do that to bones."_

He moves his fingers and the pen parts start to fly around the room before they stop again, this time in front of Rudi. He snaps his fingers again, and the pen turns to dust. He looks at Castiel, raising an eyebrow, and the angel mumbles,  _"This is..."_

 _"Unholy?"_ he completes, smirking again.

 

***

 

 _"So, have you thought about your other recruits mate?"_ says Crowley, comfortably sat in a large leather armchair.

Dean is standing across the room, arms crossed and his black eyes on. Meg's come back a few minutes ago, and she told him she was followed by Crowley's minions. He doesn't like that. Crowley doesn't trust him, of course he doesn't, and the more wary he is, the less easy it's gonna be to get rid of the son of a witch.

_"Not yet, though Meg has given me a few names."_

Crowley lights up a huge Havana cigar, and exhales some smoke with a very content sigh

 _"Meg, Meg, Meg... I really don't understand your taste in girls Dean.",_ he says,  _"well, in boys either, I have to say."_

Dean clenches his hand around his Blade and tries not to jump over that desk and slit the bastard's throat. He doesn't get to talk about Sam. Sam... Cas said he would protect him, that he would keep him safe inside the bunker, and since he has his juice back, he might succeed. Dean hopes Castiel will be subtle though, because if he pushes Sam too hard, Sam will slam the bunker's door in his face and call him an asshole. He has a long record of door slamming and dramatic leavings so please, please Cas, don't give him orders. He hates orders.

Dean had always thought demons had no souls, and therefore couldn't love. He was completely wrong or he is a very special demon. Because being away from Sam fucking kills him. He tries to forget the look on his face when he saw his eyes. He tries to forget his first days as a newborn demon, spent screaming his throat out while cutting heads, screaming his pain, his disgust, his anger, screaming for every single time he should have and he didn't. Killing brought him some kind of peace of mind. Or maybe it just makes him numb. But he feels way better now than two weeks ago, more focused, more powerful, and as a matter of fact, he kinda likes the fear in the demons' eyes when he walks through them. He used to be a denial jedi, now he can look coldly at all these memories which used to destroy him. All these memories he used to drown in bourbon so they wouldn't haunt him. He doesn't feel haunted anymore, he doesn't care about John, about the beatings, the fear, the despair, the loneliness. He can remember every single girl he fucked in back alleys and gloomy bathrooms without feeling disgusted. He can think about the couple of guys who sucked him for ten dollars when he was short on money without feeling like burning his brain.

The only thing that make him feel something is Sam. Sam memories are still very vivid. They make his veins burn and his heart, if he still has one, ache.

But he can't afford thinking too much about Sam right now, except to remember his words, "focus on the trajectory". I'm focusing, Sammy, I want Crowley dead or locked forever, and I think I just know how. Be patient babe, I'll be home soon.

 _"If I complete my Round Table... Can I ask you a favor?"_ he asks, trying to keep his voice calm and even

Crowley puts his cigar in the ashtray and looks at him with surprise

" _Bloody Hell, that thing had a politeness program? Speak your mind mate, what do you want for that?"_

Dean remembers how he used to practice looking carefree when he was younger, especially when Sam was gone and he had to pretend he didn't give a damn, when he was dying inside a little more every single day. When he didn't want John to figure out just how much, how much Sam was important to him. He relaxes his body, giving away no sign of tension or expectation and he answers

_"I'd like you to get Adam out of Luci's cage."_

Crowley laughs. 

_"Adam? You want me to crawl in the most dangerous cell in Hell to drag the little bastard out? You can't be serious Dean-o, he spent years as Michael and Lucifer's chew toy, I don't think there's anything left of him."_

Dean rolls his eyes

_"Why do you care? I just want him out. I don't ask you for a fucking Lamborghini or a night at the Playboy Mansion..."_

_"That would actually be easier..."_ cuts Crowley,  _"how do you think Hefner still has so much stamina? Anyway... All right."_

Dean tilts his head.

_"All right?"_

Crowley gets up and walks towards him

_"I'll get the little bugger out. But I want my dream team. We need to be strong if we want to bring Heaven down."_

Dean jerks involuntarily 

_"I thought it was collapsing?"_

Crowley shrugs his shoulders.

 _"It is. But not fast enough. Plus your feathery boyfriend is snooping a little too much these days."_ he smiles a wicked smile.

Dean tries to remain detached-looking, but he feels anxious. He doesn't care that much about Adam, he cares about Crowley opening the Cage's doors, so Meg can push him the oven, just like the evil witch in that fairy tale which used to terrorize Sammy, Hansel and Gretel. Wow. A few days ago he wouldn't have admitted so easily that he can't care less about Adam. Before when he heard Adam's name, he used to feel acid jealousy bubbling in his stomach, and he didn't want anyone to call him his brother, he had only one.

He remembers when they first met Adam, how angry he was, in their motel room's kitchen, but he couldn't say a word, it was like his throat was too tight or to many thoughts were fighting to get out. He could just drink. Drink and drink. And Sam had crouched right beside him, kissed him in the neck and took his glass away saying " _I'm here, I'm right here with you. I love you and only you okay Dean?_ ". He felt tears coming to his eyes and falling on the table. How a dead man could still hurt him so much? Sam whispered " _He didn't care about that kid more than he cared about us love_.". Dean rubbed his eyes and muttered " _I just... why..._ ", not knowing precisely what to say, and Sam knew, as always. He said " _nobody heals from childhood, baby, we can just live with it. I love you, I've always loved you, focus on that, remember that_ ". Sam kissed him, mumbling in his mouth" _try to forget the old man_ ", and then added _"the kid's not responsible"._ Dean agreed, and let Sam make him feel better. But he never managed to be fair to Adam. In a way Sam was right, you can't heal from your childhood.

Dean feels Sam's lips on his own as if he were really here with him, and it tears him inside so much he wants to kill something just to feel a little less worse, if that even exists.

Anyway Crowley has some of his DNA running in his veins so he could believe in this family man act. he could. Or he could ask him to attack Heaven with his team before he'd free Adam. The King looks like he's expecting something he doesn't talk about, and Dean doesn't like that. It makes him feel like something's gonna happen to him when, let's be honest, what could possibly be worst that this?

But right now, what frightens him is that if he has to attack Heaven, Cas will be forced to protect his people against him.

Maybe even protect himself.

 

 

***

 

Sam is comfortably lying in his bed, eyes closed with his arm over his eyes. He smiles at the feeling of kisses on his inner thighs, and he hears a chuckle

_"Why are you hiding babe?"_

He opens his eyes, and sees Dean across the bed, smiling at him, his right hand lying flat on his stomach, making little circles around his belly button. Sam shivers and says

_"Because if I look at you I won't last long"_

Dean laughs openly and replies, while kissing him through his boxers

_"I know."_

Sam groans, and bites his wrist, old reflex. He doesn't know why Dean's here, he doesn't know if they're home alone or not, he doesn't know if he's dreaming or not, but he frankly doesn't care. He needed that, he so desperately needed that.

He shuts his eyes tight and tries to control his hips moving on their own, and he represses a laugh when he hears Dean saying

_"Steady there cowboy!"_

When he finally comes, he opens his eyes and sees Dean taking it all, with a smile, his black eyes, deep as a sea of ink, locked in Sam's.

His black eyes. Yes of course. Sam isn't even surprised.

Dean kisses him and it's terribly dirty in a very exciting way. He whispers in his ear " _Do you want it baby? Do you want it in your mouth?_ " and Sam frantically nods, yes, yes he wants it, he needs it, right here, right now, and he feels he's being hard again.

His brother kisses him again and says " _You promise you won't bite this time?_ ", and Sam begs him. Yes he promises, everything you want love, but please please please...

Dean grabs Ruby's knife on the nightstand and slices his wrist. Sam desperately suck on the wound like a starved newborn, moaning, forgetting his promise. He bites in Dean's soft flesh and feels his ruby red blood filling his mouth, his throat and his whole self. He could come just from that, from the taste of iron on his tongue, and Dean laughs and laughs at his greed. When he takes away his wrist it feels like a sacrilege.

Sam's face is covered in Dean's blood, and he sees in Dean's eyes he likes what he's seeing.

 _"You're mine"_ he says, with a little smirk and Sam looks at him like he's the only God he will ever worship, straddling him and begging

_"I'm yours, make me yours, take me, take my soul, take everything you want"_

Sam wakes up shocked and covered in cold sweat. His room is empty and everything is silent. He doesn't think about anything else than his dream. He's afraid. Because this wasn't a nightmare. Definitely not. If Dean appeared in his room right now, it could happen. And Sam would sell his soul, mind and body to Demon Dean a thousand times. He would drink his blood as if it were the nectar of the Gods. He would sit beside him on the throne of Hell if Dean asked him. They would reign on the underworld.

The most frightening thing is Sam likes the idea.

Without thinking, he walked like a zombie to the storage room, to the devil's trap, and he begins to pick ingredients to summon a demon. He needs to talk to him. It's been too long, it's been two weeks and he can't stand it anymore. Maybe Dean will ask him to follow him into the dark, and he will walk with him. He will go down that Pit.

_"Sam?"_

He hears Saskia's sleepy voice, and he turns around, only to see her standing in the threshold, wearing ridiculous PJs with a mustache decor. When she sees what he's doing, she comes inside the circle and takes his hand, whispering " _No, no, no"._

He looks at her and sees she has perfectly understood what he was trying to do. He lets go of her hand and says, harshly

_"I need to talk to him."_

She smiles and shakes her head

_"I know you're worried Sam, but you're not strong enough for that yet. Your powers have just awaken, you're still weak."_

His powers. Yes. He had completely forgotten about this. They were forming a circle and he... he lost consciousness.

_"How long was I out?"_

Saskia takes back his hand

_"Two weeks."_

He tries not to shout

_"Two weeks?!! Two weeks! What the Hell..."  
_

_" Your power is way stronger than we had anticipated Sam."_ she says, adding, _"and it's good news, Sam... I think I can use it to trap your brother, Rudi and I spent these last days designing the trap, it's almost done. And Kevin has translated a second tablet"_

Sam sighes

_"What about Cas?"_

Saskia looks embarrassed

_"Hum... he was angry at us for... you know. But Rudi and I managed to... more or less... talk him through it. Plus... there were things in this new tablet which kinda changed his view on witches."_

Sam opens his eyes wide

_"What about it?"_

_"We'll talk about that tomorrow okay? I can't wake Kevin up in the middle of the night can I?"_

Sam shakes his head, and Saskia walks to the door, waiting for Sam to follow. He doesn't _,_ and she smiles at him again, gently.

 _"I need to know he's okay"_ he says, and he wishes his voice didn't tremble.

 _"I understand"_ she replies, _"I'd be worried too if I were you"_

She leaves the room, and wait for him in the hallway. He certainly needs some time alone, but she can't leave him in this room without keeping an eye on him. He's still fragile.

After a few minutes, she hears him sob and cry Dean's name.

Let's hope the trap will work.

 

 


	10. Unicorn

_"Gadriel we have to tell him"_

Gadriel is in Hannah's, well Castiel's office, and they've been arguing for hours. 

 _"Do we really need to bother Castiel with that?"_ he insists, _"He is trying to find God, does he really have to be bothered by missing reapers?"_

Hannah looks at him and tries to repress her anger. She's tired. Nothing is working like it should. When Castiel destroyed the Angel Tablet, the Gates of Heaven were open again, and she thought all the souls trapped in the Veil would be soon gathered and brought to Heaven by the Reapers. But first, a lot of Reapers have apparently disappeared, and second, an even bigger lot of souls is simply missing. Not trapped. Missing. And the Reapers have no explanation for that, they're actually more worried by the disappearance of Death.

Death is nowhere to be found and without him, the Reapers have no leader, and therefore no goal.

_"Souls are missing Gadriel, and a lot of them. This isn't a good sign. And even if our brothers and sisters are coming home, we are not getting any stronger. Castiel has to know."_

She sighs

 _"I don't know how long I can hold everyone together. Especially with those rumors..._ _"_

Gadriel asks

_"What rumors?"_

_"About Dean Winchester being the new Cain? Creating new Knights of Hell?"  
_

Gadriel shrugs

_"How do they..."  
_

_"I'm not the only one to have ears in Hell Gadriel. And I've been told Crowley is planning to attack Heaven."_ replies Hannah, angrily, _"I'm doing my best to avoid a new Civil War here."_

She sits down behind her desk

_"Castiel wants to protect the Winchesters, again. But he needs to understand his friends are not exactly popular in Heaven."_

Gadriel frowns

 _"Those humans never asked to be caught in our problems Hannah. Michael and Lucifer are responsible, for wanting to bring their war on Earth_ , _for forgetting humans have free will and can refuse to be used as puppets"_

He doesn't know where this sudden love for humankind comes, but he feels the injustice of the situation extremely shocking. Hannah smiles sadly,

_"I know Gadriel. And I agree with you, I do. But you know how the factions are. If Dean Winchester and his knights attack us, Castiel will have to lead us against them. You will have too as well. And if you show mercy..."_

Gadriel sits, understanding.

_"Some will see that as weakness and will refuse to listen to us any longer."_

Hannah nods

_"This balance we have, it's fragile. I told everyone Castiel was trying to find God, and it gave people hope. But I don't have anything else to say. I can't disclose the content of the second tablet, can I?"  
_

Gadriel shakes his head

_"No, that wouldn't be wise. I still have difficulties to process the information. Have you found anything in the Intelligence Division?"_

Hannah gets up and sits on her desk, looking desperate

 _"Apparently Naomi's division was keeping records of every time they_ _altered our memories. I saw that room Gadriel it's... huge. It's going to be very long to process all the data, I asked two friends to begin investigating it, Eli and Anael, they're trustworthy."_

Gadriel rises and pats Hannah's shoulder

_"God certainly had a good reason to do that."_

Hannah holds his hand and replies.

_"What could be a good reason to wipe all our memories and replace them with lies Gadriel?"_

He doesn't know what to answer.

 

***

 

It's been maybe fifteen minutes that Saskia is sit in the hallway, waiting for Sam to get out of the storage room, and she begins to worry. Sam is still crying, and it's really not what she had anticipated. When she regained her powers, she felt genuinely happy for the first time in... actually for the first time ever. She honestly thought it would be the same for Sam. Since she first saw him, back in her shop, and especially since she knows they're both the same, both Azazel's children, both rejected by their families, she feels connected to him. She's never had a brother, or a real close friend. She's not good at comforting people or finding the right words. But she could try to do something, even something awkward, instead of staying in that hallway, her knees tucked under her chin like a four years old.

She gets up and walks back inside the room. Sam is sit in the middle of the devil's trap, and his eyes are red, swollen. He's not crying anymore, just... maybe weeping. He looks at Saskia through the tears, she's walking towards him, and then sits right in front of him, her legs crossed. She bites her lip and finally says

_"What can I do? Tell me what I can do to help you Sam..."_

Sam stares at her and whispers

_"I can't stop it..."_

He looks so helpless. When he was asleep, Saskia asked Kevin how close the brothers were, and she remembers the Prophet seemed a little embarrassed. He answered they were "extremely close", that they had basically grown up in their car together, with no one else to rely on. He told her Sam mentioned their father a few times, a cold man, wary of him and violent to Dean.  
Somehow, Sam and Dean make her think of Logan, and she knows how unhealthy it is. Power or not, she can't escape her old Stockholm Syndrom, and she can't escape her guilt, and the vision of his face melting, the smell of burning flesh. And her laugh. Filling the room.

_"I don't know what's happening to me... It won't... stop..."  
_

Saskia sighes

_"You miss him..."_

Sam nods, and he begins to cry again, smothered by sobs, unable to move. Saskia closes her eyes for a moment, calling herself an idiot for not being able to find a way to comfort Sam. She comes closer and hugs him, a little awkwardly. She's not at ease with physical contact, but Sam needs help and she just can't leave him on the floor like this. She does her best to hold the hunter's large body in her tiny arms, and Sam hold her back, trying to calm down. Both their hearts touch and suddenly, Sam stops moving, holding her closer.

 _"Sam?"_ asks Saskia, unable to get herself out of Sam's embrace.

Sam can't answer. He's somewhere else.

There's a house in flames in front of him, and he thinks it looks pretty. A red haired woman is standing beside him, and she's crying.

Then he's in front of a chimney, and a fire is burning. He's proud, thinking it's his fire, and it's beautiful.

Hotel lobby, his eyes are burning. His mother shouts "No!".

Old factory, he makes a ghost burn and a man with a shot gun calls him "little devil".

Hunting hurts. Hunting gives fever and nosebleeds. But no one cares, no one cares he's sick and he cries himself to sleep in the tiny bed at the back of the RV.

His back burns. This tattoo is taking forever to be made, and every time the needle touches his skin it hurts like a bee sting.

His mother cries and drinks and drinks and cries. A young man laughs. Calls her a useless bitch.

The man has long black hair and angry black eyes. Sam thinks he's very handsome even if Black Hair doesn't like him. Today Black Hair has a black eye for talking back to his dad.

He his crying and screaming, knelt on the ground. His mother is dead, she burnt in an old log cabin.

Black hair chains him in the RV and calls him "demon". The others laugh. His wrists are bruised.

He wakes up in the middle of the night and Black hair is close to his bed saying he's sorry. Black hair's drunk, he smokes a cigarette, and when he's finished, he crushes it on Sam's wrist.

Insults, beatings, chains. Fevers, nosebleeds. He wants to die. Why can't he sleep and never wake up?

Black hair has raped him yesterday. He will do it again, he's sure.

BURN! Everybody is on fire and it seems so, so, so beautiful. They can all melt, they can all disappear.

He trades his body for a lift to the next town. It feels soul crushing and disgusting, but that's what he deserves. He's a monster.

He sees the ocean for the first time. He wants to drown.

An old lady has taken him in. She cooks nice things and she doesn't ask questions.

Funeral. Why does everybody die?

He has a fiancé and he's lucky. He's lucky right?

Two men enter his shop, posing as FBI agents. One is... himself.

 

" _Aaaauuughhh..."_ Sam has just let her go, and he's breathing heavily, staring at her with his eyes wide open, eyes which have turned yellow. Saskia rubs her arms. This embrace lasted for maybe twenty seconds but Sam is so strong he almost crushed her.

 _"What's wrong?"_ she says, _"Sam talk to me? What's just happened?"_

Sam mutters

_"I saw... I saw... your life... I think"_

Oh shit. How is that even possible?

Sam is completely out of breath, it's like he's been hit by a truck of emotions. And so much pain... It's a stupid thing to say but it doesn't... show at all. She's so nice and outgoing, he would have never... In a way she's like Dean.

 _"Sam I'm so, so sorry, I have no idea how it happened."_ says Saskia, really embarrassed, _"I'm gonna get some help",_ she adds, getting up. But Sam catches her wrist to stop her from going.

 _"I don't judge you"_ he says, and Saskia feels tears coming to her eyes. She quickly nods and runs to get Rudi. Five minutes later, she's back in the room and Sam has turned back to his original eye color. He also breathes normally.

Rudi kneels in front of him and stares at his heart.

_"Saskia dear, find me a peridot please"_

Sam frowns and Rudi explains

 _"This"_ he points at his heart, _"is open too wide, the stone will help you keeping it normal."_

Sam nods. At this point he would give just anything to have some peace of mind. He notices Rudi doesn't touch him, and also that he has a little satisfied smile. Why on Earth is he smiling?

Saskia comes back with a green stone, and Rudi gives him to Sam, telling him to hold it on his heart. After a few seconds, he feels better, his emotions don't smother him anymore, and he can even think of Dean without feeling like screaming.

 _"Thank you"_ he says, relieved.

Rudi gets up and says

 _"You're welcome son."_ he smiles and turns to Saskia, _"I think he's an empath"_

 _"What?"_ shouts Sam

_"You've always been a warlock dear. This is your real power, empathy."_

Sam gets up, confused

_"Empathy?"_

Saskia comes closer

_"Yeah... You feel and share other persons' emotions. When we touched you... connected with me and saw my memories. That makes sense..."_

Rudi pats his shoulder and Sam begins to laugh. He turns to the older man and says _  
_

_"It makes you that happy?"_

Rudi smiles and replies

_"No, I was laughing internally at the irony of the situation. You were both supposed to be evil, and here you are, with power that are the epitome of light magic, empathy and healing."_

He continues

_"That's why you were chosen by the demon Sam, because of your magic. Your ancestors were hunters and Men of Letters, so if we found you have a few witches in your genealogical tree, that wouldn't be a surprise."_

Sam smiles and then adds, a little nostalgic

_"When Dean's gonna know that, count on him to call me Hermione for the rest of my life"_

Rudi laughs and says

_"Then, let me be your Dumbledore. Saskia will be an young version of Mrs Mc Gonagall."_

Saskia burst out laughing

_"You said you didn't read those books! That they were for children!"_

_"I lied."_ replies her father before leaving the room, laughing.

 _"I can't believe it"_ says Sam, _"It's just..."_

_"Empathy is a very strong power Sam... And rare."_

She smiles. He has no idea how powerful he's going to become.

_"How strong? I just feel... weak right now. I've just found out that apparently, being an emotional mess is a superpower..."_

No idea. In a few weeks he will be able to smite anything that crosses his path.

_" Because it's not trained. But a good empath is also a telepath and a psychic. He can make other people feel things, see things, think things... That's certainly why your power was so strong, why you could kill demon so easily. By just imagining them dead."  
_

Sam is confused

_"A power which is also a weakness is the strongest power possible. I know it's hard to understand, but it's how magic works, how... light magic works."_

Saskia explains to Sam that light magic is based on the idea of balance. Light powers always start as weaknesses, for example, and empath suffers from the sadness of others, and a healer is always tired because he constantly uses his own energy to instinctively heal other people. Turning this weakness into a strength requires a lot of training, a lot of meditation, just to be able to live normally. But when the warlock is finally able to control his ability enough to master its light side, he can work at learning its dark side.

 _"Healing has a dark side?"_ asks Sam.

_"Of course, the dark side of healing is taking away any living thing's life energy, and the dark side of empathy is mind control"_

Sam frowns

_"Yeah but... What about the price?"_

Saskia smiles

_"You don't understand? You've already paid the price. It's your suffering, it's... all these emotions smothering you since you were a child. Light magic is about paying the price first and acquiring the power later, when dark magic is power first, price later. That's why people prefer dark magic, because it seems easier."_

Sam realizes

 

_"So God uses... dark magic? How's that any good?"_

The witch sighs

_"It's not. But with what Kev found out, I'm not even surprised."_

 

***

 

_"You need to relax Clarence, it's just me."_

Castiel has been waiting for Meg on an isolated bench for... he doesn't even know how long. He knows he shouldn't see her again after what happened last time, but he needs to know how's Dean, what Crowley's planning and he kind of want to see Meg too, even if he won't admit it.

_"I was more careful this time"_

She says, sitting next to him. She's possessing a man's body this time, and it really feels strange to Castiel who's always seen her as a woman. The man is plain, maybe thirty to thirty-five, wearing a baseball cap and a worn out red t-shirt. He could be just anyone, and that's probably why Meg chose him.

_"I don't have a lot of time though. So hum, the team is almost complete."_

Castiel jumps

_"What?"_

_"Dean has chosen the five other knights, he's will turn them tonight."_

Castiel is surprised at how quick Dean was to reform the Knights of Hell. He knew thanks to Hannah that it was Crowley's goal but still, Hell is going too fast when they're stuck here with not enough information.

 _"So Crowley is planning to attack Heaven?"_ he asks

 _"Yes. But Clarence...",_ Meg smiles a little, and he can recognize her through the man's features, _"We won't... Dean won't let it happen. He has a plan to get rid of Crowley before he has to attack you."_

Castiel nods, knowing that Meg won't be able to tell him any more details. He hopes Dean knows what he's doing. He'd really like to trust Meg when she says he's still the same. But what Hannah's heard really sounds different. To Hannah's informants, Dean is bloodthirsty and cruel. A master torturer. Crowley's strongest Hellhound. He massacred a nest of vampires for not bowing to the new king and rumor has it he dismembered them and exposed their torn up bodies in the most disgusting way. He didn't mention it to anyone in the bunker, but he definitely agrees with the witch when she says Dean has to be captured the soonest possible.

" _What are your plans?"_ she asks

Castiel sighs.

_"I can't share that with you yet, but thanks for the head's up"_

He rises and Meg catches his trench coat.

_"You know, when everything is over, we really should take that vacation we talked about"_

Castiel smiles at her and disappears. Meg whispers

_"Goodbye, unicorn"._

 

 


	11. Trust

_"Well isn't that a fine team."_

Meg has to bite the inside of her mouth to stop herself from screaming. She's knelt in front of Crowley, with the five other Knights Dean has dubbed. Dean is knelt too and she can feel from where she is how pissed he can be. 

Choosing five other nights was kinda complicated since apart from Meg whom he just strongly dislikes, Dean hates everyone in Hell. So, to cure his boredom and his growing need of bloodshed, he began to track down and kill all the demons who laid a finger on him while he was in Hell. And there were many. He remembered them with a frightening accuracy, and here they were still working like nothing had ever happened, like they were just respecting Alastair's orders all right? So what could possibly go wrong for them?

Everything, said Dean, with his now famous evil grin.

He took a lot of pleasure dismembering them, and every time one was down, he felt a little stronger. It was like heroin. He had tried that once, just once, when Sammy was in Stanford. And he had always remembered to never approach a needle again, because there were a lot of chances he would end up a back alley junkie. He had felt so... relaxed. So good. And killing was just the same, except killing also made him stronger. That's when he heard Hell's prisoners cheering when heads were flying that he decided who he would choose. He opened all the doors and said 

_"Who would serve me? Who would fight for me?"_

And they all screamed and danced in their torturers' blood and torn up bodies, saying they would go anywhere, and do anything for him, for their savior. He had never felt so recognized, so valued. They were throwing themselves at his feet, begging him to choose them. Promising to be the most loyal, the most cruel, the most obedient. He saw a group not sharing the common hysteria, and he asked them why they were not celebrating. A dark haired man said, spitting blood on the ground,

_"I ain't a sheep. I don't serve no one. I won't jump from a fucking cliff because you asked me to."_

And the others nodded. They looked wary, defiant, seemed to be the kind to insult their torturer until there was nothing left of them. They were exactly what he needed, and how many he needed. 

_"If I offer you power? Enough power to get back at your enemies?"_

He said, getting closer to Dark Hair. The other man combed his bangs back with his bloody hands and replied

 _"Well then yes...",_ he had a little smirk,  _"Sir."._ And he added  _"The name's Logan"._

 

 

***

 

 

 _"_ _God erased your memories?"_

Sam is shocked at Kevin's revelation and Castiel, Gadriel and Hannah look completely depressed. The hunter is sit in the library with a steaming cup of coffee, and is surrounded by the whole Scooby Gang as Kev has just named them, making Saskia laugh and say " _I demand to be called Buffy_ ". After his consuming experience of the night, Sam spent the remaining hours until morning talking with Saskia about her past, and about magic and the possible developments of his ability.

 _"So you really don't judge me?"_ she said, looking a little emotional.

 _"I was literally in your shoes Saskia."_ he answered, trying to smile a little.

Saskia sighed and replied she was sorry for putting him through this, adding she knew her life story was really hard to hear. _"I want you to know I didn't want to lie to you, or to hide you who I really was. I wanted to spare you_ ", she explained, twisting her hands. Sam reassured her and told her he understood. After all, he couldn't really blame her. He had himself done his share of mistakes, sometimes terrible mistakes, and if he now knew absolutely everything about her, she, on the other hand didn't know much about him. About his relationship with Dean, for a start. He was the first to always tell Dean they should be themselves out in the open, but there he was, completely unable to disclose this to someone he had just broken into. 

She told him Dean didn't judge her either when she told him everything, that night, in her house, when she had in fact almost burnt him alive after Dean threatened to shoot her.  _"Your friend Garth had just called to tell him who I was, what I had done...",_ she explained, saying she managed to direct her fire in her kitchen's sink, before grabbing Dean's gun.  _"He wanted to check on you, so we went to see how you were doing, and then, I told him everything"._ She was tired then, tired of trying to conceal who she was, tired of lying to everyone, and she desperately needed to tell her story to someone, even if it was just to see fear and disgust in their eyes.  _"Once I was done I gave your brother his gun back, and I told him to do what he wanted. I honestly thought he would shoot. He didn't."._ More, he even said he understood. That some humans also deserved to die. That's when he talked to her about his past as a hunter and Sam's abilities.  _"When he called Azazel 'Yellow Eyes' I just... wanted to throw up. Back then I used to wear contact lenses to hide my eyes. I knew there was something deeply abnormal about them, but you know what? I had never done any research about yellow-eyed demons. I guess I was too afraid to find something."._ After that, Dean gave her Garth's phone number so she could find the man who tipped him about her, Frank Pivnik.  _"He used to be Rick's - the leader of my group - sidekick. He was in love with my mother, and he had kept some stuff, notably a notebook"._ In this notebook were written three Rainer Maria Rilke's poems, one being a spell to contact Rudi.  _"He showed at my hotel room's doorstep almost in tears, and i held him at gunpoint",_ she said, while lighting a cigarette. She told him everything and accepted to go with him after a little stay in North Kingston, the time for her to rent her house and to ask her ex mother in law to take care of her shop.  _"Nicole is a shark. She doesn't buy haunted stuff like I did, and she makes way more money than I ever did.",_ she adds laughing. After that she came to Rudi's weekend house, where he took her tattoo off, and later trained her.

_"Since we're fully disclosing everything Sam... There are two things I need to tell you. First, I... slept with your brother."_

Sam swallowed with difficulty, he definitely knew there was a reason for this morning awkwardness when they left Saskia's house. 

 _"It didn't mean anything really. We were I suppose too... angry, tensed or whatever and it just... happened."_ she adds.  _"I didn't came here hoping to uh... rekindle anything. I really came here out of gratitude."_

Sam nodded. They've never been faithful when it comes to having sex with women along the road. But it still hurt a little.

_"Second thing, when my tattoo was removed, I accidentally killed someone. He... beat his wife, he was... yelling at her... in front of me and uh... I came back to my car, I really, really wanted to leave as fast as possible. And then he came to my window and called me a cunt. I blacked out and when I woke up his car had exploded."_

Saskia looked really ashamed, and Sam asked

_"Are you still dangerous?"_

She shook her head

_"No. I remained a whole year in Rudi's cabin without seeing anyone else than him and his few warlock friends, until I was in complete control."_

Sam smiled and said,  _"Then it's fine. Thank you for... being honest with me. We're not all... able... to do that"._

He put the boiler on and kept talking, half to himself.

_"I wish Dean and I had more... I don't know relied? On people... Dean used to say... that everyone close to him died. And that's true, we lost a lot of friends, close friends."_

He grabbed a tea bag and watched the hot water in his cup slowly turn brown.

 _"I've always depended on him for..."_ he smiled,  _"everything. He saved me countless times. For once I'd like to be able to save him... I'd like to be able to make a difference."_

Saskia whispered

_"You can."_

Sam turned to her and drank some tea. 

_"What's in it for you Saskia? In helping us... gratitude left aside... That's what I didn't see... What I'd like to know"_

The witch got up and began to pour cold water in a cup.

 _"When I met you two I realized I wanted to be around people who would accept me... whole",_ she blinked and looked at Sam with her amber eyes,  _"with these eyes"._ Then she held her  cup and the water started boiling,  _"with my fire"._ She dipped a finger in the boiling water until it became burnt and blistered and then took it out. Sam saw the skin heal itself and turn back to white.  _"And with my healing"._

_"I can't ask you to be my friend Sam, but the simple fact you can witness that without freaking out... means a lot to me."_

She took his hand

_"Trust your empathy. Trust what you feel."_

Sam held her hand and felt a wave of different feelings, of different thoughts, memories, all collided in one powerful stream. What every single person carries everyday without even thinking about it. Billions of drops and he could detail them all. After a few seconds he understood what was in this for her, a family. She just wanted a family. 

He smiled.

_"I trust you. I understand."_

Saskia smiled back

 _"Good."_ she said, slowly sipping her tea.  _"Your power is going to be... really impressive Sam. Believe me. You're not just a vessel. You're not a tool."_

_"How long is it gonna take for me to control it? I mean I don't have two years."_

Saskia laughed

_"You won't need two years. You're better than a few hours ago Sam, it means you've already started controlling your empathy. As for demon smiting I'm sure Rudi can train you in a very short time. In the meantime, you can wear the peridot as a necklace, or a bracelet. And I can make you a tattoo similar to mine to protect you."_

Sam frowned

_"What are the spells you used?"_

_"A lot. The most important are anti possession and anti location. I can't be possessed by angels or demons, and can't be located by anyone. This one could really come in handy for you."_

_"Why?"_ said Sam

_"Well... If the demons have a way to find you, I guess the King of Hell could ask your brother to kill you. You're protected here, not outside. And you need to go out to train."_

Sam accepted, and they waited until the morning to organize a meeting with Kevin, Linda and the angels, so they could plan their next move.

 

 

Looking at the angels faces, it seems like their world is crumbling and maybe it is. Kevin is twisting his hands, saying he had read this Tablet first and then decided to translate the one about the Grail after, to spare them for a few days. But in the end he had no choice but disclosing the truth. 

Castiel shakes his head and says he's not surprised. He explains to the gang he has been having suspicions since he met Naomi and learnt her division altered his memory at least once.

_"I asked Hannah about her first memory. We have exactly the same one. Standing on a shore and almost stepping on a fish."_

Hannah nods, while biting her lower lip. She adds

_"The tablet says that God did this to save us from a new apocalypse. It means it has already happened once. It means... I don't know, this is too much..."_

Sam coughed

_"So if we sum this up, God says in this tablet that basically... he sacrificed his Grace to erase the angels memories? That's it Kev?"_

Kevin looks embarrassed.

_"From what I gathered... There is a cataclysm described in the text hum... "a wave that crushed the Elohim cities", and then a battle between "those who had remained faithful to Heaven, and those who had fled on Earth to engender abominations"_

Gadriel whispered

_"Nephilims..."_

Kevin looks up

_"I guess so. So there was this 'wave', I guess it was the Flood, and then wars. Cities burnt to the ground."_

Hannah completes

_"Sodom and Gomorrah..."_

_"Yeah"_ replies the Prophet.  _"After that, God imprisoned 'The Snake', I suppose Lucifer, in his Cage, and locked his surviving followers in Heaven's Cells."_

Gadriel coughs

_"I don't think I was a follower of Lucifer... Though I don't... know..."_

Kevin continues

_"That's when it says that seeing the wrath the wars had brought on Earth, God dived in his 'cauldron', purging the angel's memories of their past atrocities"_

Sam frowns

_"What I don't get is... he failed. The Apocalypse almost started... again, apparently."_

Rudi intervenes

_"There are two remaining tablets Sam. Maybe they will tell us the reason of all this. I suppose the answer lies in the creation of the angels."_

Castiel stares at the warlock

_"Do you know anything?"_

_"Not more than what I told you before my friend. To me, and to all the witches and warlocks I know, your God didn't created the universe, or this planet, or humans. Your God is just a god. An ancient one, hiding under many names and many forms, but just a god. And a fellow warlock. Every single spell described in this 'word of God' are sacrifice spells, blood magic... dark magic, to make it simple. To me your God is a being who played too much with the laws of nature and who found himself unable to repair his mistakes."_

Castiel tries to repress a " _blasphemy"_ that really wants to get out of his mouth. Two weeks ago, when Sam passed out after Rudi and Saskia had taken off the seal on his abilities, they had a very heated argument about magic, at the end of which Rudi really calmly told him than he had always considered " _his God_ " was no more than a warlock. A very good one, a very powerful one, certainly not from this dimension they were living in, but not an all powerful being who had created the universe.

_"All proper witches and warlocks know what the Universal Energy, what Life, or Mother Nature is. And it is definitely not your God. Life is everywhere, and nowhere. It has no name, no sex, no gender. It has no identity and all the identities. You can't talk to it, you can just feel it, or be part of it. Your God angel... is no God of mine."_

Castiel was of course shocked that someone could deny the existence of his creator, and they abandon trying to get along. More, Castiel was too busy trying to boost Heaven's defenses against Crowley, trying to get every single angel to go back to Heaven, hoping it would restore its energy. But when Kevin finally disclosed the content of the second tablet, Castiel had no choice but apologizing to Rudi saying that he was right. God was apparently some kind of warlock. And a liar. Surprisingly, the warlock wasn't at all resentful, and accepted wholeheartedly the angel's apology, and began to call him his friend.

That's how, at Sam's greatest surprise, Cas seemed pretty happy to see him awake and healthy, and absolutely not wary of him or angry at his decision to unleash his powers. 

 

Rudi continues

_"Sam, while you were recovering, Saskia and I completed a trap designed for your brother. It still lacks a few things, I will explain to you later, but I'm really hopeful. Kevin and I also found some time to study the Arthurian Legend to see if we could find something to help us figure out what the first tablet was about."_

Sam's expecting

_"And?"_

Kevin grins.

_"We found something. You remember the thing about a secret castle hidden behind a mirror?"_

Sam frowns

_"Yeah..."_

_"Well there is a story about the fairy Vivian, the Lady of the Lake, who used to live in a..."_ Kevin smiles,  _"crystal castle at the bottom of a lake"_

Saskia mumbles

_"Of course..."_

Kevin continues

_"Vivian also raised Lancelot in her castle after his father's death, and gave Excalibur to King Arthur. And she was Merlin's apprentice."_

Sam nods

_"The books say that she locked Merlin in her castle for eternity, because she was in love with him and he wouldn't reciprocate."_

Linda rolls her eyes

_"That sounds stupid."_

_"Mom..."_ says Kevin, amused,  _"Though she's not wrong. Vivian was really powerful. She was actually the one to start the quest for the Grail, and to advise Arthur after she locked Merlin away. She's also the one who took the King to Avalon after he was fatally injured during the battle of Camlann. I don't think she locked him for that reason. Anyway, she's the one we need to talk to. She knows how to find the Grail. Maybe the whole Arthurian cycle is a metaphor but... Vivian, or whatever her real name, was looking for God."_

Castiel sighs

_"That doesn't ring any kind of proverbial bell."_

Sam gets up and starts walking around the Library, thinking.

_"That lake... could it be a... portal?"_

_"Could be, I guess"_ says Saskia.

 _"But it's in France apparently"_ completes Kevin.

Sam bites his index's finger nail

 _"Charlie..."_ he whispers, before laughing openly,  _"of course! Charlie!"_

Everybody looks at him like he's lost his mind

_"I know how we can go to fairy land, I think we can even have a guide!"_

 

 ***

 

_"My King, I present you the six Knights I've chosen: Meg, rise"_

Meg gets up and tries to keep a straight face.

_"Logan, rise"_

The dark haired man gets up and Crowley instantly loathes him. He looks like an evil version of Moose, somehow. Black hair, black eyes, something aggressive and deeply contemptuous in his gaze. He's a little shorter and skinnier than Dean's darling brother, but he looks way more dangerous. The kind of man you don't want to overlook in a bar fight. 

_"Katrina, rise"_

A tall and thin Black woman rises, and the King can't not notice her striking beauty. She wears her hair in long and thin braids that go all the way till her lower back, and she stares at him with two unsettling light green eyes, her arms crossed in defiance. Crowley has seen her somewhere, he's sure, but he can't quite recall where.

_"Kimaris, rise"_

Also known as Cimeyes, she used to command legions of demons until she displeased Alastair and was sent to his torture chamber. Oh. Of course. That's where he went for picking his new playmates. She looks like a Persian print, with her long and curly hair, henna red. She reminds him of Abaddon and he really doesn't like the way she looks at him. 

_"Andras, rise"_

Also a disgraced demon, a master in manipulation and discord. He was locked in the... wait... maybe XVIII century? Last time Crowley's heard of him he was making a mess of the post Revolution France, dancing around the blossoming guillotines. He didn't find the time to curl his blond hair again but that's gonna come soon

_"Agares, rise"_

Andras's partner in crime of course. Who used to party with the infamous Marquis de Sade. He stares at Crowley with a lot of irony in his grey eyes, cold as steal. Both him and Andras were known for being traitors, shallow and cruel bastards. 

Crowley looks at the whole team and wonders if their common hate for Alastair and his minions will be enough to keep the group together. Dean looks pretty satisfied though, and he awaits for Crowley's approval. 

 _"Good job mate"_ he says, a little uneasy, " _You deserved a little vacation now._ "

Dean frowns and groans

 _"I just want Adam out.",_ before coughing and adding,  _"Thank you, my King, it won't be necessary"_

Crowley rolls his eyes. Dean is really far, far, far from being funny these last days.

 _"Well, a promise is a promise"_ he says, getting up from his chair,  _"I'll get him out"_

Dean looks at him with his demon eyes and says

_"May I accompany you?"_

 

Crowley nods and gets out of his office, accompanied by Dean and Meg, while the others are waiting in the hallway. He knew Dean would soon turn into the Blade, but he didn't expect this to happen so soon. It's like he's almost completely gone.

Meg smiles discretely at Dean, and he smiles back to her.

Tonight's the night.

 

 

 


	12. True Evil

Dean was walking with Meg in never ending hallways, trying not to show his excitement. This was it, this was the moment when he would finally get rid of Crowley. The bastard was whistling, and Dean could visualize  himself cutting his head off just for that. Just for that whistle. Alastair used to do that. Whistling old tunes while butchering his victims.

Crowley wasn't completely oblivious of Dean's plans. Poor Dean. He had lost his sense of humor, gained a lot of strength, but not a lot of intelligence. He had always been a strike now think later kind of bloke, when Crowley was more like a chess player. So he could completely feel their aggressiveness fill the surrounding space, and he also could guess what they were planning to do. Probably push him in the Pit. Children...

Well, he didn't blame them though. He perfectly knew what it was to want to kill your superior. After all, he didn't become King out of his outstanding loyalty and professional conscience. If he had been in Dean's shoes, he would have done everything to steal Hell's crown. Everything. That's how you raise from the gutter, definitely not by waiting for a helping hand.

Meg is certainly thinking about her revenge, and Dean is certainly thinking about Moose. About being reunited with his darling brother in their underground love nest. He can't care less about that Adam boy. He's been in the Cage for centuries now, and there's certainly nothing left of him. There had been dozens of occasions when they could have lift this poor third wheel out of Hell, and it was never a priority neither for Dean or for Moose. So yeah. Pretty obvious plan.

What Dean didn't know was that a faction of angels were preparing an attack on Hell to free Michael from the Cage, and Crowley could have bet Trench Coat didn't know that either. He had been so busy trying to be good and democratic that he forgot that his brothers and sisters were more mercenaries than aspiring citizens. Mercenaries who need a Leader, with a capital L. So that faction, the Faithful, as they modestly called themselves, were right now gathering on the warpath even more since a very convenient informant told them there was a loophole they could exploit to get inside the Pit. Well it's wrong of course, but hey, war begins with information right? He'll just have to look dreadfully surprised when demon n°542 comes to "inform" him the attack is imminent. 

Right now, Crowley has trouble keeping his poker face. If Dean's Blade swallows an angel's Grace, or several if he's lucky, that will make hopefully forget about Moose, and so forget about pushing him in Luci's Cage.

Poor thing. When is he going to admit that he definitely isn't the one running this show?

 

The rest of Dean's Round Table is waiting for him to come back from the Pit in a room that looks like a hotel lobby from the 1950's. Logan is comfortably sit in an large leather armchair, and he's enjoying a cool glass of bourbon. That's a nice change after decades spent being burnt to ashes everyday. Demons have a wicked sense of humor. Burning him, taking her face. He won't pronounce her name, he won't even think about it, about her yellow eyes and the smirk on her face when she said "You, you burn". And her laugh when he could smell his own flesh grilling. He drinks a little more, and before he can swallow there's that blond boy, Andras, sitting on his chair's armrest.

He looks sixteen, or seventeen, and has long light blond hair brushing his shoulders. His eyes are blue, but almost lavender and he has a very pale, porcelain skin. He could be the perfect cliché angel, but having him so close feels highly uncomfortable. He begins to speak, with a very soft voice

_"My, my, my... aren't you adorable."_

Logan raises an eyebrow and mutters

_"Fuck off fagot."_

Andras smiles but his eyes are cold. He replies, with the same even tone

_"That mouth would look cuter with my cock in it"_

And before Logan can say anything, he gets up, stretches his arms and says  _"Lord I'm bored..."_

The hunter rises quickly, jumping like a panther and he grabs the blond boy's collar groaning

_"Talk to me like that again and I'll cut your fucking dick and shove it in your mouth, got it?"_

Andras stares at him for a second, completely calm and answers

 _"There's no need for that darling, I'm very flexible",_ he licks his lips and repeats,  _"very"._

Logan grabs the crystal bourbon bottle and is ready to smash it on Andras's face when his wrist gets caught by Agares, who whispers

_"Hush hush dear boy. He's just playing with you."_

Agares takes the bottle and puts it down, and Logan lets go of Andras who shrugs his shoulders and says

_"Too bad"_

Logan snaps

_"Too bad what?"_

Andras smiles

_"That was getting interesting"_

That man is a maniac, he thinks. And they're on the same team.

 _"Why are you here?"_ asks Agares. He looks more normal than the other. Older, but that's maybe just an appearance. With chestnut hair, long as well, and cold grey eyes.

Logan glares at him and mutters

_"Why are **you** here?"_

Agares makes a little half smile and sits in Logan's chair, quickly joined by Andras who sits back on the armrest.

 _"When I was human"_ he begins, gently stroking Andras's arm with his finger nails,  _"a long long time before you were born, my father owned a villa in Tuscany. We produced the best wine in the entire empire."_

Empire... Like the Roman Empire? He tries not to look too surprised.

_"I hated him."_

Andras laughs and curls Agares's hair around his fingers. _  
_

 _"Why?"_ asks Logan, as a reflex. Him too hated his father when he was alive. And he had damn good reasons to. Agares smiles.

 _"He never let me do anything"_ he says, and Andras begins to speak with a high pitched voice

 _"Why can't I kill this cat Daddy? Why can't I hit the slaves Daddy? Why can't I fuck the farmer's daughter Daddy?"_ and he laughs like a maniac while Agares nods, amused.

_"Anyway once he surprised me fucking a slave boy in the pantry, and he called me sick."_

Andras makes a fake sad look

 _"Saying he's just a child Agrippa",_ he says, taking a deeper voice than his own,  _"this madness has to stop!"_

He laughs but his eyes remain cold.

_"I took a hammer and I smashed his skull."_

Logan tries to keep on looking daring, but inside, he feels more and more uncomfortable with this unsettling couple. On the opposite side of the room, he notices Katrina, leaned on a wall. She looks at the pair with an expression of deep disgust, while Kimaris, sit on a table, is juggling with a knife completely ignoring them. Agares continues

_"I said the boy did it and you know what was the law in Rome at that time, when a slave killed his master?"_

Logan's mouth is too dry, he drinks some bourbon and says he doesn't know.

 _"They executed all the slaves"_ he answers, with a very satisfied smile.

_"They crucified all of them, men, women and children. All the four hundreds of them"_

Andras sighs

 _"And you loooved it."_ he says, biting his friend's earlobe.

Agares pushes him away, looking amused

_"I heard them moan all night long."_

Fucking psycho is written in Logan's eyes. He won't be able to work with that, no damn way.

_"I danced around the crosses you know, i had a tambourine... It was raining... And then one of them, one who had been hiding in the bushes... slit my throat"_

Andras nods and says

_"Sneaky little creatures"_

And Agares completes

_"That's how I ended up in Hell the first time. So tell me, what about you?"_

Logan crosses his arms and mutters

_"There was that girl... I hated her..."_

He notices a hint of interest in the couple's eyes. Agares cuts him

 _"Once with the Divine Marquis we fucked a servant girl on a Saint Andrew's cross, before cutting her breast and feeding it to his dogs."_ he licks his lips and Andras whines,  _"and you did that without me?"_

Logan can't continue, they're... it seems stupid to even say it but they're evil. They're the face of true evil. He used to call her evil, and demon, and he's seen demons and creatures, and monsters but them... It's like they swallow all the light around them. Like there is no more air to breathe in the room.

Agares continues

_"If you want your revenge darling boy, I have a lot of ideas"_

Logan isn't sure he wants to hear any of them.

 

* * *

 

  _"Commander, we have a problem"._

Castiel thinks he should create a drinking game. Every time Hannah tells him they have a problem, he will drink a liquor store. Damn it. He told them, every one of them that he was no leader and he God damn isn't. 

 _"What?"_ he asks, a little aggressively. Hannah looks embarrassed.

_"I've just received a message from the people we appointed at finding the missing angels and uh... they located an important group."_

Castiel wonders why this is a problem. They've spent the last few days trying to get everyone together, so...

_"They were hiding, hiding from us... Only communicating with human devices, concealing their Graces..."_

Gadriel frowns

_"Why would angels want to stay on Earth?"_

Hannah stutters

_"They don't they... want to restore... Heaven's true ruler on his throne."_

_"God?"_ he asks

Hannah looks down

_"Michael. They want to break inside the Cage and uh... free Michael and his vessel."_

Sam shouts

_"What? How?"_

_"I'm thinking blunt force Sam"_ she says, biting her lip

Saskia asks

_"I'm going to sound stupid I know but hum... Is that really a bad thing?"_

Castiel glares at her

_"Yes. Michael is the last remaining archangel. He's powerful, he wants his Apocalypse and he's batshit crazy."_

Everyone turns towards Castiel with a very confused expression. He's really not handling the recent revelations very well.

 _"Sorry"_ he says, coughing a little.

Sam adds

_"If Lucifer gets out with him... He's gonna come for me."_

Rudi cuts

_"He'll find you locked son, I'm not letting you out this place without protection tattoos"_

Sam smiles anxiously at the older man. 

_"He's an archangel Rudi I think he can take off whatever he wants to."_

Rudi raises an eyebrow

_"Did you forget I was Dumbledore?"_

Saskia rolls her eyes

_"If I say he won't lay a finger on you, then he won't."_

Sam nods and thanks him, adding,  _"Anyway it's better than nothing I guess."_

Rudi gets up and says

_"I'm going to work on the design right now."_

Castiel nods

_"Good job... friend."_

Gadriel coughs. It's really strange to see Castiel fraternizing with this terribly disrespectful warlock. He has spent centuries in Heaven's Cells for a crime he doesn't remember, and yet, something inside him is still fiercely faithful to God and hopes for his return. Michael on the other hand... He remembers him as a hardhearted war lord. Nothing good can possibly come from him escaping the Cage, especially if Lucifer is freed as well. Plus this could give Hell an occasion to attack Heaven earlier than planned. What can possibly make these angels so reckless?

_"We should go back to Heaven right now and see how we can stop this battle from happening. We need to convince everyone than trying to free Michael is only going to start a war with Hell when we are at our weakest."_

Hannah shakes her head

_"I'm afraid many in Heaven will think it is a good idea"_

Castiel nods, he's actually afraid of that as well. Hannah continues

_"Let's be realistic here, we're soldiers, well... we used to be soldiers. A lot of us are waiting for a Leader, for a savior and Michael was our Commander in Chief for millenia until he was locked with Lucifer. His disappearance brought a civil war upon us..."_

She stops, noticing Castiel's unease. She stutters

_"N...not because he was a good leader but because he kept the factions united under his authority, under his... violence. But even if I want something different for Heaven... I also know that a lot of us would just like to be obedient numbers again."_

Gadriel continues

_"What do you suggest?"_

Hannah sighs

_"We don't say anything to the others and we try to negotiate with them directly."_

Gadriel asks

_"With what leverage?"_

Castiel cuts

_"No. We need to inform everyone. If they want Michael back, let them."_

Gadriel and Hannah shout

_"What?"_

Castiel answers, with a cold voice

_"Disclose everything we know, about the Tablets, about our memories, about God. And if they want to be sheep, let them be sheep. At this point, every single thing we'll do will turn against us."_

Hannah stutters

_"B...but what about Heaven? What about saving our home?"_

Castiel's voice hardens

_"You can't save people against their will."_

Feeling electricty in the air, Linda cuts

_"What about this Charlie girl?"_

Sam sighs

_"Yeah, Charlie. She went to the... I don't know, fairy dimension? There is a portal we can open from here to there but hum..."_

Saskia cuts

 _"I'll go there, I'll find her, and Vivian so we get enough information to find God."_ she says, looking at Castiel who seems gloomy.

Sam asks

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Yeah. You need to stay here and begin your training Sam. Kev?"_

Kevin raises his head, surprised

_"Yeah?"_

_"You want to come with me? Maybe we won't need further Tablet translation if we find Vivian in time."_

Kevin grins

_"You want me to go on a quest with you?"_

Saskia smiles back

_"That's exactly what I'm asking you Percival."_

Kevin turns to Linda who smiles and nods, adding

_"Just be safe. And Saskia?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Deep fry anyone who dares to touch my son, all right?"_

Saskia laughs

_"Yes Ma'am"_

 Castiel adds

 _"I'll come with you."_ and before Gadriel or Hannah can say anything he adds,  _"I leave you in charge"_

Saskia shrugs her shoulders, looking at the two angels with an embarrassed gaze.

 

Heaven really seems to be a mess.

 


	13. Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You want to see the new characters' faces? Here they are :)

Hi! First, many thanks for following the story and liking it, that really means a whole lot to me.

As I added quite a few new characters, I thought it could be a a good idea to share with you some pictures, to show you what they look like in my mind. If there are artists among you, I'll be of course thrilled to see this work illustrated, so please, please, please, if you want to create something related to the story, share it in the comments, i'll be honored and very happy!

And of course, spoiler alert!

 

**Saskia and her family**

**Saskia Jager  
**

 I didn't have a particular actress in mind when I originally thought about Saskia. It's partly due to her personality, Saskia is a chameleon, and the way I imagine her features. She's doesn't have anything striking, physically talking, but she's really expressive.

I finally found someone perfect, and I'm surprised I didn't think about her earlier! Clémence Poésy is exactly how I imagine Saskia.

Saskia today (28):

Teenage Saskia (16)

 

**Rudger Hartfeld / Rudi Heartfield  
**

I've never thought about a particular actress when I imagined Saskia's character, but for Rudi, I've always seen him with Christopher Waltz's face and sass.

 

**Rose Helena Scholl / Ellen Jager (Saskia's mother)**

Just like Saskia, Rose wasn't physically beautiful but she had a lot of personality. So I think Karen Gillan really matches my idea of her.

 

****The Knights** **

**Logan**

Ben Barnes makes quite a good Logan!

**Andras**

I picture him with the Bosnian model Andrej Pejic's face. And this expression is totally his "I'm bored" face. 

**Agares**

Andras's partner in crime looks more normal than his friend, but I really imagined him as someone who could shift from lovely to extremely creepy in a second, and so I think Cillian Murphy is perfect for that.

.

**Katrina**

When I thought about Katrina I instantly pictured Angela Bassett, because obviously, she's awesome.

**Kimaris**

I see her as the beautiful iranian actress Golshifteh Faharani, but with red hair

 

  **Oz**

**Vivian/Niahm**

****

Sasha Luss makes a perfect Vivian! Especially with that stare!

**Maev/Mab**

****

Gabriella Wilde in a golden gown and a basket of wisteria in her hand is the ideal Maev.

 

**Myrrdin/Merlin**

** **

Lance Reddick: I loved him in Fringe, and I think there's something mysterious and powerful about him.

 

**Morrighan**

 Anna Karin Berglund

 

 

**Angels**

**Ariel**

Keith Carradine, I was thinking about him while writing Ariel's scenes.

**Anaël / Ashara  
**

Ellen Page, because I love her, but also because she transcends her appearance with a lot of charisma, and that's basically what lower class angels are about, transcending their destiny as soldiers.

**Eli**

Fu'ad Ait Aattou. I love this actor, and I had him in mind when I thought about Eli.

 

**Reapers**

 

**Aaron:**

Takeshi Kaneshiro: he's Aaron, literally.

 

**Archangels**

I didn't want to choose famous actors for the original archangels, and for a simple reason. In the story, they have never been seen, they were completely forgotten. So I thought it would be better to bring new faces.

**Lucifer**

I think Travis Smith makes a good original Lucifer. I can imagine him as both kind and ruthless.

**Michael**

Martin Arrarte. I like this picture because there is some contempt in his eyes, along with determination, and that's how I see Michael.

 

**Others**

**Frank Pivnik**

** **

 John C Reilly. I really like him as an actor and in this picture,  I totally imagine him sit in his couch saying " _Wha...what do you mean a Knight of Hell_?"

 

**The German Coven**

**Adele Scholl**

Holly Hunter: I love her and she was great in Top of the Lake, where this photo is from. I had her as GJ in mind when I was writing Adele's scenes.

 

**Hermann Scholl**

Stellan Skarsgard: Great actor, and I love the fact that by looking at him you can't know if he's a good guy or a psychopath (those who saw David Fincher's Millenium will understand what I mean)

 

**Pawel Baczkowski**

 

Bartek Borowiec: I had him in mind when I thought about Pawel.

 

**Theodora "Theo" Croft**

Michelle Dockery: Because Lady Mary Crawley guys!

I'll keep this post regularly updated for you to see the new characters  and don't hesitate to comment if you have any suggestions!

 

Love,

 

Akii.

 

 


	14. Mutilated

_"Are you sure you want to come with us?"_

Castiel is brooding and Saskia doesn't know if it's a good idea for him to come to Fairy Land instead of taking care of the mayhem in Heaven. She can't watch over two persons, to be honest. She proposed Kevin to accompany her because he's a sweet kid who spent the last weeks underground, ruining his eyes on old scriptures, not because of his outstanding battle abilities. Castiel is tremendously strong of course, but he also seems completely unstable. She doesn't want to carry a depressed celestial being on her back, or see him lose his mind and decide to go all wrath of the gods on a leprechaun village.

I'm a terrible human being, she thinks.

The guy obviously needs a break but he doesn't seem to understand that now isn't really a good time. It's reassuring to see Gadriel and Hannah are willing to take responsibility, though they haven't figured out yet if they're telling the truth to the Angels or not. They should really hurry though. The Knights of Hell have been reformed, apparently, and she couldn't help but notice the concern in Sam's expression. Rudi is pretty confident about trapping Dean, but well, that's Rudi so confidence in his own abilities is his default mode.

_"I'm sure. i want to know why God lied to us."_

Dang it.

They're leaving for Oz in a few minutes, where Charlie was last seen. If she hadn't been so worried by the idea of leaving Sam alone while he's still vulnerable, Saskia could have been very excited. Oz is real. But as Rudi always says, everything is real dear.

 _"Behave, all right?"_ she told her father, while packing her things. Rudi faked an innocent smile and said _"Don't I always?"._

Saskia laughed and added _"Don't traumatize him, ok?"._

Rudi has a little sociopath side and she doesn't know how Sam is going to react to that. Rudi's nihilist and overly sarcastic personality can be very unsettling to people. To many, he _appears_ like a self confident jerk, really often dismissing people as stupid or ignorant.

_"Be careful about that "superiority" thing. You're german."_

Is one of Saskia's favorite jokes when Rudi seems to consider a little too much that witches and warlocks are better than normal people.

Rudi tried to reassure her, swearing he would take good care of Sam.

Saskia nodded and hugged him before adding

_"Go easy Magneto, and take care."_

Rudi tried to keep his eyes from shining with tears. It was the first time in two years that they were separated, and Saskia was going to an unknown world, alone. Whatever happens, even when your child is close to thirty, you never cease to be a parent. 

He never loved anyone more than he loves that kid.

And for the first time in his life, he feels like he could actually settle down with other people. He's always fled communities and covens, it brought back bad, hurtful memories of his youth. When he managed to find how to unlock the door to Oz, he had a hard time repressing a big childish grin. Let's be clear, he knows he's good, he spent thirty years traveling and studying to become the best warlock possible. And even if he had always told himself he didn't need any recognition from anyone, hearing the gang tell him how "awesome" he was really felt good.

When Sam mentioned Oz, and also the fact that the key to open the portal to go there had been taken away by Dorothy, he seemed helpless, saying they had already lost a lot of time.

 _"Don't panic my boy"_ said Rudi, _"show me the door you used"_

Sam took him to the garage's door, and Rudi started looking at it intensely. Sam wondered what he was seeing. He remembered how Saskia helped him to open his third eye back at Magnus's house, and he tried to do the same.  
Rudi turned to him and smiled

_"Come here son"_

Sam approached and Rudi took his hand. He felt energy flowing, but absolutely no feelings or flashes of memories like the ones he saw when he touched Saskia.

_"I'm warded"_

Said the older man, winking at him. Sam felt embarrassed for even trying to look, and focus on opening his third eye. It didn't hurt as much as the last time, he just felt a little pressure between his eyes.

Solemnly, Rudi said

" _Reveal"_

Sam felt another energy wave and saw the door covered with half erased greenish runes. Rudi was smiling and apparently reading them, looking quite content. Maybe he wasn't entirely joking when he said he was Dumbledore. That man was really impressive, and no one could guess that by just looking at him. He was like the typical next door neighbor you can't remember the name, but magic definitely brought something mysterious and almost frightening to his appearance.

He said

_"I need an image of the key... but I think I can open it, give me a couple of hours. "  
_

Rudi was about to send Sam away when he noticed this could be an opportunity to see if the kid was as promising as Saskia was convinced he was. After all, if they were to spend the next few days together training his ability, they might as well begin right now.

 _"What do you think it is?"_ he asked, and Sam smiled discretely, before saying

_"That's a... trace? Of the spell?"_

Rudi nodded.

_"Exactly, the key was made to enchant the door ok? So the key contained a spell to transform the door into a portal."_

Sam looked more closely at the runes

_"Now, there are spells to create portals, Saskia used one to come here, so we have that covered. What do we need?"_

_"Uh..."_ Sam remembered Saskia's portal, and the fact she asked him for his precise location.

_"I guess... the precise symbol for the portal, and... coordinates?"_

Rudi smiled

_"Yes. And everything is written on the door. I just need to check everything with the infos you have one the key, and then I'll draw you a portal symbol to go there"_

Sam touched the door

_"I'd love to understand all of this..."_

Rudi patted his shoulder

_"I can teach you runic one day, if you want, but right now can you just get me the drawing of the key?"_

Sam answers, as a reflex

_"Oh yes sir"_

And Rudi burst out laughing _._ Sam's confused and Rudi said, still amused

_"Sam don't say that, I'm German, so I'm basically traumatized with everything army-related"_

He saw emotion is Sam's eyes and suddenly he understood. He remembered what Saskia told him about her life in the hunting group, the paramilitary craziness, what she called the "yessirs"... He knew Sam and his brother had spent their childhood drifting around with their father, a father quite wary of Sam's abilities. It reminded Rudi of his own father, Georg, and how he... how he...

_"It's ok son, listen..."_

He said, noticing Sam was trying to avoid his gaze.

_" We're going to spend some time together so we need to understand each other ok?"_

Sam looked at him.

_"I'm here to help you, not to order you around. You don't have to do anything I ask you to if you don't want to, you can call me a dick if you want and..."_

He noticed Sam smiled a little

_"...you certainly will because I can really be a pain in the ass with a bloated ego."_

Sam nodded, a thank you stuck in his throat. _  
_

_"If you want, I can show you how to make this portal, you'd like that?"_

He noticed Rudi talked to him with the tone someone would use to talk to a little kid but he didn't mind. He never had a normal relationship with a parent, and these simple intentions put him on the verge of crying, even with the peridot crystal he now wore as a necklace, to keep his fourth shakra normally open, and not swallowing the entire world's emotions. But this came all the way from his childhood, all the way from his desperate need for acknowledgment. Dean used to give him that, a little too much actually. He couldn't stop saying how proud he was of him, how great he had been in this or that hunt, even when Sam had messed up completely, because Dean knew how bad he wanted their father to look at him with a little pride, a little love in his eyes.

He went to the Library get the book which mentioned the key to Oz, and he ran on Saskia who was getting out of the kitchen, where Linda had prepared some snacks for her and Kevin. She asked him if he was all right, and Sam told him he was, noticing Saskia didn't believe him. She said

_"Rudi can be weird sometimes, I know, but he means well"_

Sam said it was fine, and laughed when Linda got out of the kitchen saying

_"I really need to learn some magic as well kids, I feel old and useless!"_

Saskia hugged her, saying she was far from being any of that, adding she was actually the one keeping them alive with her fabulous cooking skills. _  
_

 _"But I'll teach you some tricks when I'm back",_ she added, winking at Kevin's mother. Sam awkwardly hugged her too, thanking her for everything she had done since she arrived, and went back to the garage, followed by Saskia.

 _"I'm fine Saskia, seriously",_ he said, smiling.

The witch gently took her arm and said

_"I know the effect of family stuff Sam, trust me, I do."_

And she walked back to her room, leaving Sam wondering if she wasn't an empath as well.

When he came back to the door, Rudi had managed to find some green paint somewhere and had begun to draw the portal symbol on the door. He asked Sam to make a transcript of what he saw on the door, while he was studying the symbols engraved on the key.

Sam focused on the door, and managed to see the symbols without Rudi's help. He heard him saying

_"You're already making progress!"_

Sam wanted to say thank you, but noticing he was already getting stronger scared him, instead of making him feel better. Rudi paused and added

_"Don't be afraid of your power son _._ You are not a freak, you are extraordinary, just like Saskia. And me."_

He noticed Sam's shoulders shuddered.

_"Don't be afraid to make a difference"_

While transcribing the runes on a large piece of paper, Sam listened to Rudi's deep voice, telling him his story.

_"You know, I was born in 1960, so fifteen years after the end of the war. I grew up in a coven in Bavaria, and that was a very secluded place."_

When he found out about what had happened during the war, he was appalled by the fact the light covens didn't do anything to stop it, when some dark covens notoriously helped the Nazis in their quest to find the lost Hyperborea. When he was a child, he used to dream about destroying concentration camps and ammunition factories. He had very clear visions of himself, walking into one of those dreadful places and turning it into dust, while cheered by the liberated prisoners.

_"That was of course terribly immodest of me, but I've always thought it was a great sin to have remained neutral. As the head of my coven used to say, we don't mingle in human's affairs. Well millions of people died and I'm pretty sure we could have made a difference."_

Rudi knew his power was strong, and he desperately wanted to use it, to show it to the world. But he had been raised in complete isolation. He explained Sam covens functioned like some kind of sects, completely isolated from the outside world, with all the marriages being arranged to keep the bloodline pure.

_"And I know how it sounds. So many witches were massacred that indeed, our powers would have disappeared if there hadn't been some inbreeding at some point. But now it's far from being necessary. It continues because dark covens and light covens are separated."_

Since the beginning of the Christian era, the covens have been split in Europe between dark magic and light magic, which was, according to Rudi, "utter bullshit".

_"You don't see that in any other part of the world. Magic is magic, light and dark are just the two faces of the same coin. Don't learn one and it's like cutting one of your arms. They're complementary. And the worst thing is, with our growing cultural influence, more and more people do that, separate magic."_

It didn't piss him off just for the sake of magic, but also for personal reason.

_"Because what happens to you when you were born with a power that is considered evil by you coven?"_

He said, and he noticed Sam suddenly stopped writing. Rudi focused, and Sam's pen began to fly around the room. The hunter had never seen Rudi using his power yet and he couldn't repress a "Wow".  
Rudi laughed

_"Well, my parents definitely not "wowed" when I began to make things fly around the nursery"_

His parents were extremely scared by their son's power, and also ashamed. They were both from old light families, and Rudi, Rudger at that time, was their first born.

_"Naturally, my father's first idea was sacrificing me."_

Sam shouted

_"What?"_

Rudi laughed.

_"Good old Georg. Well of course Sam, he knew that soon I would be able to break things, to lift cars and who knows what else, so he thought that the best thing was killing me before I became dangerous."_

Sam mumbled

_"I'm so sorry"_

And thought about what John would have done if he his powers had manifested when he was a child.

_"Don't be. Well Hermann, Saskia's grand father and the head of our beloved community told my father that killing me wouldn't be a good idea, because that would be, I quote, cutting a branch from a very healthy tree"_

Sam shook his head.

_"So instead of that, they decided to isolate me from all the other coven members, and to use the coven's powers to bind me"_

Sam turned, looking interrogative.

Rudi explained to him that covens were not only communities. Forming a coven is also sharing your power, it's a vow every coven member makes when he's considered an adult. As a matter of fact, coven spells are way stronger than any other and can't be erased, except by another coven, with a similar strength. As Rudi's power was considered a threat, the coven decided not to bind his power, considering it wouldn't be possible due to its strength, but Rudi's emotions

_"So I would never get mad enough to snap someone's neck or throw a truck on a kid's head"_

They sealed his fourth shakra, letting it barely open for him to have social interactions, and raised him in complete isolation. That's how he instantly saw the one on Sam's heart when they met.

_"I've never seen another child until I was seven"_

He said, looking suddenly sad. His parents were extremely wary of him and rarely visited him. The only adult he saw everyday was Hermann, who taught him the basics of magic and how to control his power.

_"He was a good teacher, I can grant him that, and he thought I was a fast learner. So when his wife gave birth to a little girl, Rose Helena Scholl, Saskia's mom. Hermann decided we should be engaged to one another."_

Sam jumped

_"At seven?"_

_"Yep. Rose was the only child I got to spend time with and she became a sister to me. She was... adorable"_

He smiled.

 _"Not afraid of me at all, really cuddly and loving. Because of what had been done to me I really had trouble bonding with people, but Rose managed to do something incredible. By constantly being with me, she managed to open the seal a little._ "

Rudi explained that it sounds cheesy, but love really has tremendous powers. Love is something that can overcome the most powerful spell, and it made Sam thinking about Dean and the Mark, how he told him Cain stopped killing when he met this woman he dearly loved, Colette. Maybe their love could be powerful enough to keep Dean from killing? He thought he should mention it to Rudi, but even if he seems to be a very open minded person, he really didn't want to drive him away, or Saskia, by confessing the truth about his relationship with Dean. He really needed that trap and their help, so he had to be careful.

_"Rose also considered me as her brother, so the more time we spent together, the more impossible it became to think that one day we would get married"_

Sam frowned, well of course, normal people don't marry their sister. Or brother.

_"She was the only one I told about leaving the coven for the United States, and she helped me prepare for it. She was only fourteen you know, but really fierce. And as she was a psychic, she was really helpful in guiding me."_

When Rudi announced he wanted to leave the coven, he knew that it meant he would never see his family or friends again. Those were the rules, when you leave your coven, you leave everything behind. He only secretly left Rose a way to contact him, an enchanted bracelet, and he left for the States.

_"Shortly after I arrived, I designed my anti location spell. To everyone looking for me, it would send the answer "deceased"."_

Rudi seemed suddenly somber

 _"Because of what was done to me there, I'm_ _unable to feel normally. It doesn't mean I can't love or be angry, but these emotions are really weak compared to what they could be"_

He explains that he really tried to take the seal off, meeting a lot of other witches and after a few years he came to the conclusion it wasn't possible, and that if it was, he shouldn't do it.

_"They all told me it was done too early in my childhood. That if it was removed, no one could predict what could happen to me, or the people around me."_

He managed to live normally though, but was never interested in friendship or in bonding with a woman. He said, laughing, that he was good looking enough when he was young to have fun when he wanted to, but that he had never fallen in love with anyone, or felt the need to settle down. Until Rose came at his doorstep with Saskia.

_"I loved this kid. I loved her the moment I saw her, and that was the strongest feeling I had ever felt. That's why I was so mad at Rose when she talked about sealing Saskia's powers. I was convinced she could be raised well, happy and healthy with her powers. We had a big fight, and Rose left with her."_

Sam rose and brought him his paper, covered with the transcript, and Rudi started to complete it with other symbols found on the key.

_"Because of what was done to me, I can't be put in a situation when there's a risk my emotions would be unleashed."_

He looked intensely at Sam

_"I can't see Saskia threatened Sam. I know that if someone touches a single hair of my daughter, I could possibly turn the world to dust."_

He didn't seem to joke at all.

_"To be honest, I'm glad she burnt all the people who hurt her. Because if she hadn't..."_

He got up and began to complete his portal symbol with some runes.

_"... I would have tracked them down and killed them all."_

Sam walked close to him and shyly patted his shoulder. Rudy coughed

_"What I want you to understand is that we've all been mutilated, you, me, Saskia... By those so called normal people."_

Sam whispers

_"Yes, we have..."_

_"But it doesn't mean we have to be the way they want us to be. We are powerful, we are special, and we're damn proud of it."_

Sam laughed, and Rudi said

_"Go fetch the kids and the angel, the portal's ready"._

Sam smiled and said

_"Yes...Rudi."_

 

 

 

 

 

 


	15. Drama

Crowley has always loved theater. Even when he was human and women were played by men. And what's going to happen just now is just another drama, just another play. Someone's going to walk on the stage and tell terrible news.

[ Tap! Tap! Tap! Tap! Tap! Tap! Tap! Tap! ]

The King breathes and tries to remain serious as he pretends to open the Cage's door.

[Tap!]

Dean has trouble remaining calm and Meg discretely positions herself right behind Crowley.

[Tap!]

Crowley cuts his thumb and begins to draw a symbol on the door.

[Tap!]

He smiles

[Curtain Up]

A random demon arrives.

_"My King, I've been informed we'll soon be under attack. Then angels want to free Michael"_

Crowley hides a smile, and says with a dramatic tone

_"Bollocks! Change of plans mate, I can't open this door, it needs to be protected at all costs"_

Dean nods but he can see in his eyes he understood he had been played. Doesn't matter.

He definitely loves theater.

 

***

 

 _"So...Children, angels..."_ says Rudi, with a grin, _"here's how it works"_

He shows the garage's door completely covered in green paint.

_"As you know, we don't have the key anymore, so Sam and I have reproduced the spell. Saskia, I wrote you down everything, in case you don't find Dorothy, so you can still come back, ok?"_

Saskia nods, a little nervous. She's never traveled between worlds and even if she's quite excited, this is really scary, in some ways. Kevin on the other hand looks like a happy camper, he even quoted Bilbo Baggins five minutes ago saying " _I'm going on an adventure!"_. When you see how blue is Castiel, it really compensates.

_"Remember, this isn't another dimension, all right?"_

Sam frowns.

_"What do you mean?"_

Rudi looks surprised

_"Oh yeah, I didn't tell you, it was written in the spell. Well the Fairies live on the same world than us, only on a different vibratory level. This portal doesn't take you to another world, well in this case it does, because Oz isn't located precisely here, but it changes your body's vibratory level"._

Sam doesn't understand what it means and he sees Saskia rolling her eyes, looking amused.

_"Well thanks for telling that now Didi."_

_"What is it?"_ asks Kevin

Saskia chuckles

_"My dearest father just told us that this spell will affect every single atom of our body. I'm thrilled."_

Rudi shakes his head

_"There's no need to be afraid dear, it will work perfectly"_

_"Even for him?"_ asks Saskia pointing at Castiel who's remaining silent.

_"He has a human body so yeah, I don't see what could happen"_

Sam asks

_"Cas? You still want to leave?"_

_"Yes."_

Rudi claps his hands

_"All right!"_

Linda hugs Kevin and Saskia, asking them again to be careful and to deep fry anything threatening. Rudi hugs his daughter close and smooths her hair, visibly a little strangled by emotion. Sam comes to her awkwardly and gives her back her phone he borrowed earlier.

_"I recorded a video for Charlie, here you go"_

Saskia takes her phone and looks at Sam

_"You'll be fine?"_

Sam laughs

_"I'm the one who should ask you that! I'm safe here, and I'm okay."_

He hugs her, and is hit by a flow of anxiety. She doesn't believe him and she thinks he's hiding something from her, something related to Dean. Damn it. How does she do that? He repeats he's going to be fine, and while he's holding her, he realizes how small and slender she is. She can't be more than 5'5, and she was certainly smaller as a teen. Black Hair was fifteen years older and thrice her size. Poor kid. They haven't had any chance to talk about it yet and he hopes there will be an occasion. In spite of everything she says, she still suffers.

 _"Let go Sam ok?_ " says Saskia, laughing. " _Don't dig into my head too much"_

 _"Sorry! I'm so sorry!"_ Sam replies, embarrassed. " _I don't control it yet_."

Saskia smiles, and she turns to the door, reading the symbols. She takes a quartz crystal out of her pocket and she places it right in the middle of the central six pointed star. She begins to mumble things Sam doesn't understand.

 _"Runic"_ whispers Rudi, _"She's reading what I wrote"_

The green paint begins to glow and Sam's eyes widen in surprise, though Kevin and Linda don't seem to see it. The warlock bumps his arm and says

_"You can see it, can you?"_

With a conniving smile. Sam smiles and nods.

Once the incantation is over, Saskia says in a clear voice: "show me the road to Oz", and this time Linda and Kevin can see the paint glowing so bright they need to hide their eyes. Saskia opens the door, and everyone is struck with amazement, even Sam who has already seen it once. The yellow brick road is right in front of them, and the green castle of Oz is lying on the horizon.

Saskia stutters

_"I... guess... It's good bye..."_

And she crosses to the other side, quickly followed by Kevin who's excited like an eight years old.

_"I can't believe it! I can't fucking believe it!"_

_"Kevin Huan Tran!"_ says an half outraged Linda before laughing.

Only Castiel remains calm, Saskia would say gloomy, and hasn't crossed yet.

 _"Cas?"_ says Sam, coming close to the angel. He looks lost and Sam hugs him, trying to feel something, but it's like staring at a wall. Maybe his power only works on humans? Cas hugs him back, a little long and Rudi interrupts them saying

_"The door is beginning to close Castiel."_

Castiel gently pushes Sam away and replies

_"Oh yes of course."_

He walks towards the door, and the moments he walks through it, is body falls on the floor like a lifeless mannequin, while a light blue shadow is entering Oz.

 _"What the Hell happened?"_ yells Sam, running to Castiel's body.

Rudi's knelt on the ground and is checking for a pulse.

_"He's breathing and his heart beats... Weakly but it does"_

Sam looks at him, trying not to get angry. Saskia told him Rudi had a tendency to be a little too confident... The warlock rises, and scratches his head before saying

_"I guess it answers a lot of questions."_

The hunter rises and before he can ask what Rudi means, the older man says

_"Your friend didn't need a vessel to cross to Fairy Land."_

While looking at Cas's, well Jimmy's body. Sam realizes what it means.

_"You're not saying..."_

Rudi laughs. He's actually surprised by something, and it's not happened in a very long time.

_"Our friend Cas is a fae."_

Linda is shocked.

_"No fucking way!"_

_***  
_

 

Dean needed to kill someone, and the random demon who had just informed Crowley the angels were planning an attack was perfect for that. He was there and he was fucking annoying. Now he's supposed to reform the demonic legions, and fuck it, he's never wanted to go to the army and now he's supposed to be some kind of God damn General.

And he can't even kill Crowley. He can't even send a Knight to kill him since Crowley would summon him for his personal defense. So life sucks. Death sucks. And if he sees another demon in the hallways he's going to turn him into ham dices.

 _"Calm down_ " whispers Meg

Dean turns to her, and slams her on the wall, holding the Blade on her throat. He looks raging mad.

_"What did you just say?"_

He's changed, he's definitely changed. Meg's used to being a demon, and even if her new powers gave her a temporary high, she still feels like herself. Winchester on the other hand is changing every minute. She needs to calm him down.

_"Maybe I have an idea."_

Dean's eyes turn back to green, and he mumbles an apology.

_"Not here, you'll tell me that later"_

Meg nods, still scared of what almost happened. That's not going to be easy to work with the other knights, except maybe for Kimaris she knows by reputation. She's a very old demon, and is known for having a strong sense of loyalty and honor. She was one of Lucifer's first companions and she remained fiercely faithful to him, so much she's always refused to listen to any other leader. That was why she was locked in Hell's Cells centuries ago. Meg's not even sure how many. She hopes she's still the same, and that she'll be loyal to Dean. If so, it could help for her new plan to get rid of Crowley. Not sure Dean likes said plan though.

In the waiting room, Andras and Agares are cuddled on a chair like psycho cats, if that's even a thing. Meg knows them by reputation too. They're old, Agares is something like 2000 years old or so, Andras closer to 1000. And if rumors are true, Andras was tortured by Agares when he arrived in Hell, and after decades he became basically his pet. Somehow even crazier than his master. If they have loyalty it's only to each other, and they were locked away for good reasons. They were too cruel, too bloodthirsty, too power hungry, and that says a lot in Hell. They're Lilith crazy. They're maybe the only people to actually enjoy being tortured and just being in the same room that them makes Meg uncomfortable.

She doesn't know Katrina but the profound despise she sees in her gaze as she looks at the evil couple makes Meg think she could be an ally. And the last one... Logan? Nothing particular. He's sit on the ground, as far away as possible from Andras and Agares and he looks really somber.

 _"Gather round"_ says Dean

Everybody gets up and comes close to him, Agares and Andras walking slowly enough to arrive last, side by side.

_"We're under attack. Apparently the angels are planning to free Michael from the Cage, and we need to defend our positions."_

Kimaris raises her hand and Dean nods. She has a surprisingly soft voice, and before beginning, she bows and says

_"It's a honor to serve you, Bearer of the Blade. May I ask you respectfully why we don't release Lucifer from his prison?"_

Dean sighs, tilts his head and replies

_"Because the King intends to remain the King? Our loyalty is to him Kimaris."_

Kimaris bows and adds

_"As you command. I used to have many legions under my authority, I can begin recruiting this instant."_

Dean nods, and says

_"Who else has already commanded legions?"_

Agares bows and says

_"I have, Master."_

And he adds, with a suave voice, while planting his cold eyes in Dean's

_"At your service"_

Andras does exactly the same act, and Meg wants to slap him. Well them. Both of them. Hypocritical scum.

Dean turns to her

_"Meg, you had people under your authority before right?"_

She nods.

_"Okay, you'll be my second in command. Katrina? I want you to team up with someone experienced. Who do you choose?"_

Katrina looses her blank face for a minute and seems surprised. She didn't expect to have any kind of choice.

_"I choose Kimaris."_

Kimaris bows a little, with a respectful smile. Dean continues

_"Logan?"_

Logan has a choice between Plague and Cholera and doesn't seem pleased at all.

_"Logan?"_

They're both nuts, but Agares seems less nuts. Though it could only be an appearance. He was always told not to trust the appearances. So maybe it's the most exuberantly mad of the two that's actually the less dangerous. He has to take a bet. Okay...

_"Andras."_

Andras discretely smiles, curtsying and saying

_"Excellent choice"_

While looking at Agares.

_"You'll be fine on your own Agares?"_

Says Dean, staring at the demon. There is something very unsettling in his gaze. He looks like a snake. You can't know what he thinks. He could be happy or ready to swallow you alive.

_"More than fine Master."_

He answers. That guy really gives me the creeps, thinks Dean.

_"All right, recruit your Legions. Go."_

Agares coughs

_"Pardon me Master, but are we allowed to use discipline?"_

The psycho wants to torture, thinks Meg. Dean doesn't give a damn. They're demons. Whatev's.

_"Do whatever you need so your legion is loyal, efficient and ready to fight."_

Agares smiles a little wider, and seems really content.

_"That will be done"_

He says, while leaving the room. Kimaris and Katrina leave right after him, after having thanked their Commander again. Andras come closer to Logan and says with a wicked smile

_"We're going to have a lot of fun you and I"_

Logan stares at him and whispers, in a very aggressive tone

_"I ain't your friend Andras, you hear me? I'm just respecting orders here, right?"_

Andras keeps smiling, adding

 _"As you like_ chaton"

While walking out of the room. Logan doesn't know what he called him, but he's sure he won't like it when he does.

Finally Meg and Dean are alone, and they can both breathe a little.

_"I hate my recruits"_

Says Dean, heavily sitting on an armchair.

_"You can trust Kimaris, I've been told she was loyal"_

Dean sighs

_"She's a demon."_

Meg sits in front of him and says

_"Well you too Einstein"_

Before really regretting. But Dean just bitterly laughs.

_"Yeah. I know that thanks"_

He pours himself a glass of bourbon and drinks it whole.

_"And I can't even get wasted."_

Meg takes another glass and adds

_"Maybe but you can still enjoy the taste..."_

He looks lost, staring at his empty glass. He certainly hoped he would be out by then, and he's still stuck down there. She can't help but feeling a little sorry for him.

_"Dean, about my idea."_

He shakes his head a little and asks

_"Yeah what?"_

She bites her lip, takes his hand and teleports them outside. It's the first time since Mount Everest that Dean breathes fresh air and it feels really nice _._ But that's not a good idea, Crowley's going to notice he's away.

 _"Where are we?"_ he asks, looking around. Everywhere there is just... grass. No tree, no electric wire, just endless hills covered in grass.

_"Central Mongolia, we don't have much time until the Scottish bastard summons you so hear me out... And don't freak out."_

Dean nods.

_"We need to get rid of Crowley, and for that we need a new King, ok? We can't kill him and we certainly won't free Lucifer."_

Dean agrees and Meg continues

_"In Hell you don't become King just like this, you have to make a claim and to be chosen by the other demons."_

_"Or kill everyone in your way"_ says Dean, remembering Abaddon. Meg replies

_"Yeah but in the end it's still a choice, even if it's made out of fear. Whatever... Dean... You'll have to take us to battle, and to win."_

Dean jumps. He certainly don't want to fight the angels, even if he hates their guts. Not for their sake but for Cas's. He can't be asked to fight Cas. And being involved in a war with the angels is a whole new level of fucked up in his already completely fucked up life.

_"No, Meg..."_

Meg grabs his arms

_"Listen to me. I know what you think..."_

Dean sees something unexpected in her eyes. Concern? Is she thinking about Cas too?

_"But if you win this battle, if we win this battle, you'll have the demons' respect. Win this battle and claim the throne. They will give it to you."_

Dean shakes his head. No. He doesn't want to be King of Hell. The simple thought of it makes him want to scream hysterically.

_"I'll make the claim for you. I'll convince the other Knights to support it. If you're the King you get your free will back."_

It makes sense. Meg strengthens her grip on his arms and adds

_"If you're the King you can end this. Hell. You can end it."_

Dean realizes what it means. But of course. It's certainly much easier to destroy Hell from the inside that from the outside. If he's King, he can decide to free all the prisoners, all those being tortured and transformed into demons. With the Blade and the Crown, he can end it all.

 

And finally die in peace.

 

_"Warn Cas. Let's do this."_

 

With a life like his, it almost sounds like a happy ending.

 

 

 


	16. Good People

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I just wanted to tell you thanks for still being there!
> 
> Your comments and kudos go straight to my writer's little heart :)
> 
> Trigger warning for this chapter (sexual violence).

_"You can't be serious"_

Sam can't believe he's just heard that Cas might be a fairy, and even if now is really not the time, he's grinning like a kid thinking what Dean would have to say about that. He would certainly have a thousand punchlines ready for that moment, maybe a million.

_"I'm afraid I am. Either he's a fae, or Heaven is on the same vibratory level than Fairy Land"_

Says Rudi, while examining Castiel's body. He opens the angel's eyes and takes his pulse, apparently everything is normal. Rudi sits on the ground and adds

_"To be honest I'm quite confused, and that doesn't happen a lot"_

Sam sits next to him, as does Linda, who gently holds Castiel's hand. Sam asks

_"If Heaven is on the same... vibratory level than Avalon... Could it mean it's a part of it?"_

Rudi frowns

_"Theoretically it could, but it doesn't make sense. Angels would know, fairies would know..."_

He pauses, scratching his scalp.

_"Anyway it doesn't matter, we can't deduce much here, and we have to begin your training Sam. Let Saskia, Kevin and Cas figure out what's going on"_

Sam nods and replies

_"Okay, let's carry him to one of the bedrooms"._

 

***

 

On the Yellow Brick Road, Castiel still looks like himself, and neither Kevin nor Saskia have seen his body fall on the other side of the door while it was closing. They were too busy singing " _We're off to see the Wizard_ " and laugh their ass off. Castiel himself haven't seen anything. The moment he stepped on the road the door disappeared, so he didn't hear Sam's scream.

He feels strangely well. It's not really something he can describe, but it feels like déjà vu, or... not really. He just feels... comfortable and safe. A smiles appears on his face, and he looks at the landscape, amazed. The light is golden, everything is bright, beautiful, perfect. He hears himself thinking "as it should be", and he really doesn't know where it's coming from.

 _"Cas, you ok dude?"_ asks Saskia

Castiel realizes he has stopped walking for a while. Kevin is a yard away and Saskia has run back to get him.

 _"Oh uh... yes I'm fine"_ he says, and he notices Saskia's grinning.

 _"You're smiling!"_ she adds, looking quite happy, _"That's a summer solstice miracle!"_

Cas almost answers it doesn't exist before understanding it was certainly one of those jokes he still doesn't get. He laughs a little and walks with her. His body feels strangely light. Usually, when he's in his vessel he feels heavy, almost uncomfortable, whereas here it's like... moving in water. It feels natural.

 _"Do you feel... different?"_ he asks Saskia

The witch frowns and after a moment says

_"No. I feel normal. I'm happy Rudi didn't send us in the Dagoba System."_

Cas laughchuckles, it's nice to understand these ones. He adds

_"Well lets hope we're not in the middle of a Death Star"_

And Saskia laughs openly, saying

_"I like you so much right now!"_

Castiel smiles and soon they have reached Kevin. He needs to, as Dean would say, get his shit together. The witch is strong but she might need protection, and Kevin Tran has been through enough. He was really tempted to forbid him to come, but then again, who is he to forbid anything to anyone? Right now Hannah and Gadriel must be dealing with a massive temper tantrum in Heaven, and he just fled. He can tell all the crap he wants, he didn't walk through that door because he was so eager to find God, but mostly because he just didn't want to face the Angels.

Or a war against Hell. A war against Dean.

He doesn't want to see his friend with black eyes, he doesn't want to see him kill. He's been teased many times and by many different people for caring about Dean, but to him, those people didn't know what friendship really was. Dean is his only friend, the first person to consider him as an individual and he never gave up on him. So Cas won't either. He will save him. But he doesn't want to see him that way.

He also knows that if Dean's involved in that battle, then he might as well leave Heaven for good and live like Balthazar or Gabriel used to, hidden. Because there is no way the angels will forgive him for refusing to fight Dean Winchester, yet again.

Maybe they were right, after all. Maybe there's nothing worth fighting for in Heaven.

Maybe the angels deserve to disappear. Their Grace are fading. Who knows if it isn't a blessing in disguise? They've never done anything for this world, except killing each other and other people.

_"Okay that's strange"_

Castiel's depressing thoughts are interrupted by Kevin's voice. They're standing in front of a emerald green bridge, and Kevin is pointing at a wooden board.

_"Isn't that Enochian?"_

Castiel looks at it and reads  _"You're entering the great city of Oz"._ Kevin is right. How is that even possible?

 _"So what... the faes speak your language? I'm confused"_ says Saskia.

The angel is shocked

_"You're not the only one"._

 

_***_

 

Sam and Rudi have just tucked Castiel's body in a bed, in one of the empty bedrooms, and Linda has put him under infusion of water. Who knows how long he will be gone?

To prevent Jimmy Novak from waking up, Rudi has put him into a deep sleep, managing to make Sam and Linda laugh by calling himself Maleficent. " _Don't worry_ ", he said " _you won't have to kiss him to wake him up_ ". Sam laughed, but it made him think about Dean. Would Rudi say the same thing, if it was Dean he had to put to sleep? What would his reaction be if Sam answered he really didn't mind?

That he wouldn't mind doing way more, way way more and that he'd done before?

What would Linda think?

They would probably look disgusted. They would probably think they're both sick. And Sam is still harassed by that dream about drinking Dean's blood. He doesn't know if it has anything to do with the awakening of his power. He just knows that if Dean appeared on his doorstep and offered him a drop he would drink it the way a man stuck in the desert for a week would drink his first drop of water. With want, desperation and utmost gratitude.

And then he would let him do whatever he wants to him. Whatever he wants.

It's a good thing Rudi spent time boosting their defenses, calling Magnus a " _stupid amateur magician_ ", making Saskia laugh and say with a fake German accent " _Ladies and Gents, Rudger Hartfeld in all his glory_ ".

_"Sam?"_

Rudi is staring at him.

_"You're okay son?"_

Don't call me that, thinks Sam. You don't know what's in my head right now, you wouldn't call me that if you knew. Linda is looking at him with concern and Sam wonders how long it would take for her to take Kevin away when she knows about Dean and him. Kevin does, even if he's never mentioned it, Sam is pretty sure he guessed they were closer than they seem to be. But how closer exactly?

Rudi has put a hand on his shoulder and is whispering

_"Sammy?"_

Sam's eyes are instantly full of tears

_"Don't..."_

He can't continue. Rudi gently pats his shoulder

_"You peridot is full, it's not protecting you anymore, come with me"_

They walk together to the nearest bathroom, and Rudi takes Sam's necklace off. Sam let's him do it, just like a child. There is a hurricane of emotions inside of him and he's afraid if he says just one thing it's going to burn him alive.

Rudi turns on the water and puts the stone under the flow. He says, gently

_"Look, you see the water?"_

Sam looks at it and doesn't see anything out of the ordinary until he remembers what Rudi and Saskia mean by " _look_ ", " _look with your third eye_ ". He focuses for a minute, and he sees what looks like black smoke inside the crystal. Rudi is holding the stone in his palm, and Sam can see the smoke leaking out of the stone and disappearing with the water.

_"You need to clean your crystals regularly Sam, Saskia didn't tell you?"_

Sam mutters she didn't and Rudi chuckles

_"She probably didn't think you would have to do that so soon. The peridot absorbs the overflow of feelings okay? When it's full it can absorb anything more and it starts giving you back what it stored"_

So that's why he suddenly felt so bad.

_"There's holy water in the pipes here so that's good, though spring water would be best. When you feel it's not working anymore, you come here and you rinse it. Be thankful for its help, thank it, come on"_

Sam thinks it's a strange idea but he thanks the stone.

_"Stones, crystals have a soul of their own. When you work with one you choose it, but it also chooses you."  
_

Sam mutters

_"Really?"_

_"Yeah. They're really old. They're mountains, turned to dust by Time, turned to crystal by the Earth. They're to be respected. Just like water. This water right here is the same water that filled the first oceans. Every single atom of it is billions of years old."_

_"Thank you... Thank you so much for your help."_ Sam says, with more conviction, and Rudi hands him the crystal. It starts to glow, and Rudi says

_"It heard you."_

Sam smiles, amazed.

_"Now put it back on kiddo."_

Rudi adds, patting Sam's back. Saskia's right, the kid's hiding something, and it's eating him from the inside. Rudi hopes he will soon trust him enough to confess it, frankly with everything he has seen in 54 years, it can't be that bad.

After a few minutes, Sam feels like he can breathe more easily, like a weight has been lift from his chest, and he can look at Rudi and Linda without fearing they would leave him or hate him if they knew the truth about who he is. Rudi is sit on a chair near Castiel's bed, reading one of the books Saskia brought with her, and Sam is leaning on the wall, remaining silent.

 _"Sam..."_ says Rudi, still looking at his book, _"how do you feel?"_

Sam stutters

_"Uh...bet...better I guess. Thanks."_

Rudi looks at him, and Sam sees that he knows he's hiding something.

_"This book is very, very old you know. I bought it in Shanghai maybe... I don't know fifteen years ago?"_

Sam sighs a little, he really doesn't want to talk about himself.

_"It was really, really expensive you see... something like... ten thousand dollars, more or less."_

Sam can't repress his surprise.

_"You want to know how I can afford not working, traveling, buying those things and owning two houses?"_

He says, with a  mischievous half smile.

_"I robbed a bank when I arrived in America. I entered it, I compelled everyone to stay still, took the money and left."_

Sam laughs

_"Seriously?"_

Rudi shrugs his shoulders

_"Yeah. I didn't want to work, I wanted money because, let's be honest, in this day and age, money is freedom, so I stole it. And I absolutely don't feel guilty, I resent the financial system."_

The hunter sits on a chair, still laughing and says

_"I live on stolen credit cards so I guess I can't judge."_

Rudi smiles

_"Well, if you want, I can open you a bank account and fill it. It's not like I earned what I have!"_

Sam looks moved

_"Rudi..."_

The older man goes back to reading for a minute and then adds

_"Just think about it ok? Saskia refused because she has her shop and she's too proud. But I've seen what you're wearing, what you're eating and basically what you own... Not much, kid, not much. A little extra money would do you some good."_

Sam nods, and thanks him again, saying he will think about it. He's about to leave the room when Rudi stops him, adding

_"Sam... I'm not a good person, I mean I'm not what people label as 'good people'. I'm a thief, I'm antisocial, I don't really appreciate the company of, as Saskia would say, Muggles..."_

He closes his book and laughs a little

_"I've tried every possible drug in the seventies, I've been a terrible partner to all the women I've been with, I've hurt people with my power, some by accident, and some because I wanted to..."_

He gets up and walks towards Sam.

 _"I see there is something bothering you, okay? I do. But whatever you did",_ he stares at Sam, _"or whatever your brother did, it won't change the fact that I will help you, and that Saskia will help you."_

Sam nods, and Rudi continues

_"I won't judge you. I'm not in any position to."_

Sam whispers

_"Thank you."_

Rudi pats his shoulder and says

_"Good. Now, ready to get tattooed?"_

Oh yes, the protection tattoos, he has completely forgotten about that.

_"Oh uh yeah."_

_"Do you want to hide them under something like Saskia did or are you okay with the symbols?"_

Sam remembers Saskia's new tattoo, several black birds, nightingales, she said. Symbols of love, nostalgia and maybe a reference to that beautiful poem by John Keats. Knowing Saskia's past, it's no surprise she chose these birds. He's never thought about something he would really like to see on his skin, he has always seen tattoos as something necessary for protection, like some kind of shield, not like an art form or something which could have a personal meaning.

He looks puzzled. Rudi grins and says

_"Me, I have Yggdrasil, the Cosmic Tree of the Norse Mythology."  
_

He turns around and takes his shirt off. His whole back is covered with a huge stylized black tree that goes from his shoulders to his lower back. The level of details is really impressive and it really looks like an artwork. The warlock adds, with a sadder voice

_"That's what gave Rose the idea of Saskia's first tattoo."_

The cherry tree branch, of course. Sam remembers it quite well, and indeed Rudi's tattoo seems to function the same way, but with way more spells.

_"How many protections do you have? That thing is enormous..."_

Rudi puts his shirt back on and says

_"Loads. I traveled to many places, with many different kind of magic and with many different threats. Follow me."  
_

They walk to Rudi's room, and he shows Sam the design he made for him. Sam can't repress a "wow". The symbols are drawn inside a pattern that looks like...

 _"Is that a mandala?"_ he asks

Rudi pats his shoulder, smiling, and says

_"Exactly. I figured we wouldn't have much time to train you so I designed that tattoo as a... how can I say, helping tool?"_

The warlock explains Sam that mandalas represent the universe and are also meditation tools.

_"They depict a pure land, the Nirvana, as opposed to the impure chaotic one, Samsara, our world, marked by the endless circle of death and rebirth."_

Sam whispers

_"Rebirth?"_

_"Don't tell the angel not all souls go to Heaven, he could be traumatized."_ says Rudi, looking sarcastic.

Sam is actually shocked. They never had any proof that reincarnation was real, and Rudi seems to think that it's quite obvious.

_"What do you mean? Where do the others go?"_

Rudi frowns

_"Well, they go back to the... Life Stream? To the Universal Energy?"_

Sam sits on Rudi's bed, and the warlock realizes he had no idea what he was talking about.

_"Sam... Demons can die, angels can die... Where do you think their souls go when they're dead?"_

Sam looks at him confused and says

_"I thought it was an interesting metaphysical question."_

Rudi pats his shoulder and adds

_"Then here's your answer."_

The kid doesn't need to know more yet.  Rudi coughs and finishes to explain what the design is about.

_"The interest of this pattern is that it makes of your body a safe space, it brings you peace by balancing all your shakras. And inner peace means control, control over your empathy, and over your demon-smiting mojo. "_

Sam gets up and looks at the paper

_"You have of course all the protection spells you need, anti location, anti demon possession, anti angel possession, anti vampire, werewolves, various curses..."  
_

Sam laughs

_"That's an armor!"_

And he adds

_"How does the anti angel possession symbol works?"_

Rudi looks a little embarrassed.

_"Well... Gadriel possessed you once, right?"_

Sam nods.

_"I figured that hum... I could use some of his Grace, mixed with some of your blood, to tattoo an angel banishing sigil. He was kind enough to give me what I needed."_

Sam bites his lip. He's not sure he wants some of Gadriel's Grace back in his body but that's actually very clever. _  
_

_"That way even if you accept to be a vessel, the angel entering your body will be cast out."_

Sam says

_"I'm honestly impressed..."_

_"Frankly Sam, if it works the way I intend it to, you'll be able to make lots of progress within days."_

The hunter gets up and takes his shirt off.

_"Okay then, let's armor me. And do it like that, I love the design."_

Rudi grins

_"All right! Let's roll bikers!"_

 

***

 

 _"I thought we were supposed to train our legions Andras"_ says Logan, annoyed.

Andras has spent a lot of time trying to find his former companions, and if a lot of them are still alive, an even bigger lot died, and it made him sulky and cruel. Logan had to witness him organize fights between demons and Hell Hounds to decide who was worthy to join his battalions and he heard Agares recruited his soldiers in gladiators fight. Why oh why couldn't the two wackos team up?

Now their legions are finally complete, the boy has decided he had the right to make a little field trip on Earth, and he's enjoying every minute, since he hasn't been out since 1792. They came to one of those boring small Midwest towns Logan knows so well, and Andras has been marveling at everything, cars, shops, clothes, people and food included. Logan on the other hand despise these ugly places, it brings back bad memories of Rick. Thinking about his father makes him tense and angry and he's pretty sure that if he saw, right now, someone who just looks like him he would cut his head off.

In a way, he's glad that being a Knight of Hell allowed him to keep his original appearance, but all the cigarette burns on his forearms, he would have liked to forget them. How many times did the old man make him pay for his mother's death, he wonders. Like he could be responsible for breast cancer, like it deserved to listen to his alcohol induced delirium about the loss of the love of his live. He burnt him and then he apologized like the pathetic drunk fool he was. When he stopped drinking and began to wear those stupid AA badges, he made everyone believe that he was the ideal group leader, fair and everything when Logan knew, perfectly knew what kind of violent and unfair scum he was. Rick knew too, and he used his fists more than once to stop his son from "disrespecting" him.

If he had listened to him once, just one fucking time, he wouldn't have brought the red-haired witch and her spawn to the group, and he wouldn't be dead. The whole group, Rick and Logan included would certainly still be there, they wouldn't have been burnt alive by the yellow eyed Saskia Jager.

Well that's a success, now he's pissed.

And if their commander learns they're frolicking in that Shithole instead of working they're gonna be in huge trouble. It's really, really not the time to fool around.

 _"When did you die?"_ asks Andras, while eating an ice cream he's just stolen.

Logan mumbles

_"In 2002."_

Andras suggestively licks his ice cream and says

_"Aren't we young..."_

Logan glares at him

_"Stop the crap Andras. If you want to fuck someone, fuck someone, but stop the pornstar act, I don't give a shit about it."_

Andras stops walking and begins to laugh, but there's something very strange about it. It's like a half forced, half hysterical laugh. He throws his ice cream on the floor and says, with a much deeper voice than usual, staring at Logan with his now black eyes

_"You're right."_

On the other side of the street, a dozen of teenagers are playing basketball, and before Logan can move a finger, Andras is standing in the middle of them, grinning, with a knife in both hands.

_"Oh...shh..."_

If Logan's power are new for him, Andras is an old demon and he's way faster. When Logan arrives, it's already too late, the blond boy has killed everyone except one girl he has dragged with him somewhere. The dismembered bodies are scattered in a pool of blood, and Logan would throw up if he could. It reminds him of Hell, he's been one of these bodies way too many times.

Logan is yelling Andra's name, but he can't find him. He soon hears sirens and people screaming, and as if he had forgotten he was a demon, he runs away from the police, soon arriving in the nearby woods when he's stopped by someone grabbing his arm. He turns around with his knife in hand, but it's Andras, looking ecstatic, covered in blood.

 _"Looking for me?"_ he says, winking. And he drags him further into the woods. The girl is there, under an oak tree, her shoes and shorts have been tossed a few feet away, and it's clear he has beaten her up... and worse. Andras lets go of Logan's arm and asks

_"You want some?"_

She's blond. Slender.

It reminds him of this night, the night before the fire. How he overpowered her so easily. He had taken some coke. He felt like he had the right to.

_"It was your idea"_

Says Andras, looking disappointed.

The next evening he had her dragged into the common room and he tried to humiliate her, to make her pay for what he had become, because it was her fault right?

 _"Please... please let me go..."_ mumbles the girl who's just waken up. Andras catches her neck and slams her against the oak's trunk hissing

_"I don't remember I told you you could talk."_

And then, turning to Logan

_"Sure you don't want?"_

Logan shakes his head.

He had chained her up and she melt the chains, before melting his face, laughing.

_"She's sweet sixteen though. I thought you'd like"_

Adds Andras, smiling, and petting the girl's hair. How does he fucking know?

The girl is crying and Andras rolls his eyes.

He stabs her right in the heart and Logan represses a "NO!", biting his lip until it bleeds. 

Andras licks his knife and walks towards Logan, standing close, way too close to him. He wipes the other side of his blade with his thumb and rubs it on Logan's lips, whispering

_"I know you want it. Trust me, I know you do."_

Logan licks his lips.

 

_"I used to be just like you."  
_

 


	17. Fallen Angels

Sam is in his bathroom, looking at his tattoo in the mirror, and it looks honestly beautiful. It covers his back from his shoulders to his waist, and the best part is he didn't feel a thing, contrary to what he remembered of the making of Saskia's tattoo.

 _"Pain isn't part of yours"_ explained Rudi, with a somewhat sad voice. _"Saskia's first tattoo was partly made with her mother's blood. The power binding ritual involved pain, and it wasn't designed to be removed. If she hadn't been a healer... I could have killed her when I took it off."_

That was also why it took almost a year to tattoo Saskia's back, because she was eight years old and couldn't handle the pain. A year long torture to prevent her from becoming a monster she had never been. Rudi's tattooing technique was very different, and remarkable. He created different types of inks, mixed with other ingredients like crushed crystals, angel's Grace and God knows what, and then, using his power, he stamped every single symbol directly into Sam's skin without using a needle. It was fascinating to see the ink fly out of its bottle and then take the symbol's shape. Sam didn't suffer, and instead of taking weeks to be made, the tattoo was complete in simply four hours, at the end of which Sam fell into a deep sleep.

When he woke up, he felt a little light headed, and went straight to the bathroom. His back isn't red, there's no sign of inflammation, and he wonders how Rudi did that. The ink seems a little glossy, and it doesn't hurt when he touches it. His body feels strange though. It's like he's walking on cotton. Maybe that's a secondary effect of the tattoo. On a positive note, he does feel really calm. Maybe that's what's odd. He's never calm. He's always been anxious, for as long as he can remember. He's never slept without having at least one nightmare. Now he's just... fine. And it feels weird.

He puts a shirt on and gets out of his room, where he sees Linda, going in his direction with tea and biscuits on a plate.

 _"Rudi told me you were about to wake up, and I thought you could want a little snack."_ she says, smiling to him. He looks healthier, somehow. His eyes are brighter, so is his skin, as if he had just spent some holidays in the country, when he's been buried in the bunker for weeks now. The German guy seemed pretty confident when he told Linda _"you'll see a completely different person when Sam wakes up"_ and well he was kind of right, though Sam is still himself, there's something impressive about him. Something she can't quite grasp, but it's there.

Sam thanks Linda and takes the plate, accidentally brushing her finger. He closes his eyes for a moment a clearly sees a way inside her mind. He opens his eyes, opens his third eye, effortlessly, and sees Kevin's mom surrounded with shades of different colors, and those energy points, those shakras, Rudi was talking about. Some are mildly open, some are almost close...

 _"Sam? Sam what are you staring at?"_ says Linda, a little uneasy.

Sam realizes he's been staring at her heart and he feels terribly embarrassed.

 _"So...sorry I think I spaced out..."_ he says. It's less weird than saying he was staring at her fourth shakra and wondering if he should take a look or not.

_"Hey! Look who's up! How do you feel?"_

Rudi's in the corridor, happily smiling, and he follows Sam to his room. Sam sits on his bed and slowly sips his tea. It tastes wonderful, he had never noticed. After a minute he answers

_"Fine. A little slow, maybe, but fine."_

He eats a biscuit and adds

_"Tell me I didn't sleep for two weeks again."_

Rudi laughs

_"No dear. Just twelve hours, a nice big night. So, do you feel more in control?"_

Sam focuses and he sees Rudi's colors. His fourth shakra is indeed warded. Instead of being green like his and Linda's, it's black with just a little green circle in the middle. Without thinking, Sam approaches his fingers from it, and feels like an electric shock going through his arm. A warning.

 _"Careful with that"_ says Rudi, with a sad smile.

Sam raises his head, and the warlock sees his eyes have turned to gold. The hunter swallows and says

_"That's really strong"_

Rudi ruffles his hair

_"It sure is. You do seem in control if you can see it so easily."_

Sam sighs

_"Oh yeah, that's what you asked. Sorry... I feel numb."_

Rudi laughs

_"You don't feel numb, you feel good. I guess that's confusing after having spent years being constantly on edge."_

Sam chuckles. He's right, he's never felt that relaxed except... Except in Dean's arms, with his faced nudged in his brother's neck, feeling his pulse under his lips.

_"It's time you go out and see the sun again Sam, now you're protected we can begin that training."_

Sam smiles, the sun... fresh air... It's going to feel just like a dream.

If only Dean could be there... Would he be freaked out by Sam's powers again?

Now isn't the time to get anxious about it. Dean isn't here yet.

But he will soon be back home, Sam knows it. Somehow, even without being trained yet, he feels already strong enough to save him.

 

 

***

 

_"You're not the one I was expecting."_

Meg, possessing a National Park Ranger, is sit under a giant Sequoia, and instead of Clarence it's his new buddy Gadriel who comes to the rendez-vous. Something's not right.

_"Castiel couldn't come, I'm sorry."_

Says Gadriel, trying to sound relaxed. In reality, he's absolutely not fond of the idea of being alone in this forest with a Knight of Hell, even if Castiel told him to trust her before he left for Fairy Land. Just don't tell her where I went, he said, and Gadriel doesn't intend to disclose anything to a demon anyway.

_"He's not dead, is he?"_

Asks Meg, faking sarcasm. She doesn't want to show she cares. She doesn't know that guy.

_"No, he's fine, I promise you. So, what did you want to tell him?"_

Meg sighs.

_"Some of you want to attack Hell to free Michael from the Cage. Crowley ordered Dean to reform Hell's legions, it's been done, they're in training."_

Gadriel sits on a dead trunk. That's no good. If he discloses this information to the other angels, the will definitely decide to back the rogue group up.

_"Listen, tell Clarence... Tell Castiel not to show up. This battle is going to happen, and I can promise you we're stronger than you. You don't want Michael and Lucifer out, don't you? So don't interfere."_

Gadriel frowns.

_"It was never about freeing Lucifer, from what I heard"_

Meg rolls her eyes

_"Are you really that naive? Sam Winchester's alive, the third wheel brother is in the Cage with them... Everything's in place for Apocalypse 2.0."_

Gadriel shakes his head, confused. She might be right, unfortunately. She adds

_"Crowley has absolutely no interest in freeing Lucifer, he wants to remain King of Hell."_

The angel clenches his fists

_"Speaking of... what happened to you trying to get rid of Crowley?"_

Meg gets up

_"It's in progress."_

Gadriel rises and catches her wrist

" _There are a lot of chances that Heaven will get involved. A lot of us, and a lot of you are going to die if this battle happens. Can't you do anything else to stop it?"_

Meg smirks

_"I don't want to stop it. That's how I get rid of the Scot. Dean doesn't want to kill his angel buddy so I'm just passing on what he said."_

The angel groans

_"What's the next step then, attacking Heaven?"_

Meg shakes her arm and gets rid of Gadriel's grip

_"If we're lucky, no. If you're clever you won't get involved in this. We're stronger than y'all and you don't want Michael and Luci out at least as much as I do."_

Gadriel replies

_"I'm afraid I'm not the one who decides"_

Meg scratches her scalp, laughs, and adds

_"Then I guess you're screwed."_

And she disappears.

Hannah is at this precise moment trying to convince everyone than trying to free Michael is a suicide mission that will bring them nothing but a war with Hell at a  terrible moment, but Gadriel is afraid that with this new infos, angels are going to decide they need their old leader to crush the Legions. Before he left one even said that if they fight, maybe God will come back and restore Heaven and their Graces seeing that they remained faithful. Idiots.

Poor gullible idiots. Gadriel understands now why some angels like Gabriel left Heaven for good when they had the chance. If Gabriel was alive, at least they would have a proper leader to guide them.

If only Gabriel was alive, maybe he could stop the incoming war.

 

***

 

Katrina is staring at Kimaris and is stunned by her... kindness? She's a natural leader, she doesn't have to raise her voice or to threat her soldiers. People came to her knowing her reputation, and she had no discipline to do. Everything is going surprisingly smoothly when she heard that Agares is already crucifying people. Well he's a madman so he certainly also does it because he likes it.

Kimaris is showing her soldiers how to fight with a spear, and she's fast, graceful, even. When she was human, Katrina used to be a soldier, a Mino, in the kingdom of Dahomey. White people used to call them the African Amazons, for they were fearless and fierce in battle. Before she was nicknamed Katrina, for being strong and destructive as a hurricane when she fights, she used to be called Ayo. Joy. Doesn't suit her that much anymore. Didn't suit her already when the war between France and Dahomey began and when she spent her days killing white men, trying to defend what was remaining of her country, trying to defend King Behanzin's throne. She was feared by the French, called bloodthirsty and merciless, but what kind of mercy can you show to those who come with machine guns to invade your land and steal everything you own?

She still hates them. Soldiers, slave owners, thieves, thugs. Those who destroy the world, exploit the third world children while unhealthily revering their own, pollute nature until the point of return and all this for what? Profit, money, greed.

Kimaris doesn't seem to hate anything or anyone. She's duty personified. Katrina arrived in Hell because the only thing she wished for, when that French soldier shot her, was revenge. Revenge on this man, his family, all of his offspring, his friends and neighbors. Revenge for the slaughtered women and children in the "pacified" villages. Revenge for the rapes. Revenge for their feet on her country's soil. Her country now dismembered and impoverished by the white men's greed, scattered and scared.

So why did Kimaris arrived in Hell? She doesn't talk that much, with this sweet voice of hers. Here in the arena they use to practice, she dances on the sand, showing precise moves, almost juggling with a spear which is twice her size.

_"Katrina?"_

She wonders what she looks like in broad daylight with her fire-red hair...

_"Katrina? Would you mind joining me for a moment? Take a break soldiers, we'll continue in five minutes."_

Katrina rises from her seat and observes the legion bow before their commander.

 _"You seem worried my friend."_ says Kimaris, staring at Katrina with her light chestnut eyes, _"is something bothering you?"._

Katrina crosses her arms in defense before noticing there is absolutely no sarcasm in Kimaris's voice. She's genuinely asking if she's well.

_"No... no I'm fine. I apologize for my behavior Kimaris..."_

Kimaris sits down and stares at her

_"Why were you imprisoned Katrina?"_

Katrina sits on the floor and answers, with a little voice

_"I rebelled against Lilith. She wanted me to provide her children for... "_

_"I know what for"_ says Kimaris, still staring at her. _"Well I won't ask that of you if that's what's bothering you."_

Katrina rises and stutters

_"N...no... Kimaris I just wondered... who... who you were. I mean I heard things but you're so... different... than..."_

Kimaris smiled

_"I used to be an angel. I'm what they call a fallen angel. I was one of the first followers of Lucifer."_

Katrina's eyes widen with surprise. She's heard things, but certainly not those.

_"I failed at defending him when God locked him in the cage, and I was imprisoned since then."_

_"You remained in prison for so... long?"_

Kimaris smiles a little

_"Yes. Well I was never tortured. Just locked. I had many different jailers and they taught me many different things, like new languages. I doubt anyone speaks Sumerian anymore."_

_"Sumerian?"_

_"One of the first human languages... Coming straight from Enochian, the language of the angels"_

Katrina frowns

_"Humans were taught to talk by the angels?"_

Kimaris tilts her head

_"Humans were made for the angels."_

Her eyes are lost for a minute, as if she were remembering something

_"That too has been forgotten."_

 

***

 

Emerald City is absolutely beautiful, even more that what anyone could imagine, built under a gigantic green crystal castle. Since they've crossed the bridge, they've been treated very well by the "Ozians" as Kevin baptized them, who keep on calling Castiel "Brother", to his greatest confusion.

 _"Should I tell them I'm not?"_ said the angel.

 _"Nope"_ answered Saskia, _"You say nothing. You're like an big magical biometric passport. So just smile and nod Cas. Smile and nod._

After an hour walking, they finally reached the crystal castle, and as the sun is setting, it's sparkling like gem. Two guards, dressed in green uniforms come forward and stop them.

 _"Good evening brother",_ one tell Castiel, _"May I ask you why you're bringing this witch and this human to the temple?"_

Temple? thinks Saskia. That's odd.

Castiel coughs

_"We're here to see Dorothy and Charlie."_

The guard frowns

_"Their Graces don't receive today I'm afraid"_

Castiel turns to Saskia, not knowing what to say. She's a hunter, so she's a liar, just like Dean. She comes closer to the soldier and curtsies.

_"Forgive my friend's familiarity. We are here to request their Graces' help on the behalf of a common friend."_

The guard relaxes and smiles, asking

_"Very well, may I ask for this friend's name?"_

Saskia tells him Sam's name, and the guard disappears inside. After a few minutes, he comes back and informs them "Lady Charlie" is going to receive them in the courtroom.

The inside of the castle, or temple, is as beautiful as the outside. The light comes through the wall and creates multiples spots of color everywhere. It's too bad they have so little time, a visit would certainly be great. Kevin's mouth is open in shock and even Castiel looks surprised. The courtroom looks like the inside of a cathedral, and before they can all contemplate it, a feminine voice says, cheerfully,

_"Are you Sam's friends?"_

Saskia turns around and sees a red-haired woman walking towards them. He heart suddenly beats really fast From afar, she really looks like her mother, same height, same hair color, more or less the same age... But from up close she's completely different, smiling, outgoing.

_"You ok?"_

Saskia shakes her head, she must look like a scared rabbit. She breathes in and answers

_"Yes...yes thanks, just a little... startled I suppose."_

Charlie is wearing a long green dress, but her chest is protected with a refined engraved breastplate. She laughs

_"Yeah I was just like you when I arrived. I'm Charlie by the way, welcome to Emerald City."_

Saskia shakes her hand and says

_"I'm Saskia, this is Castiel and Kevin"_

Charlie seems super excited

_"The angel and the prophet! Of course! The guys told me about you, I'm so happy to meet you!"_

She hugs both of them, a very happy Kevin and a pretty embarrassed Castiel. She adds

_"So, what's bringing you here?"_

Saskia gives Charlie her phone, and she looks at Sam's video, explaining everything. When the video ends, Charlie sighs, visibly sad.

_"Gosh... haven't they been through enough already?"_

Castiel nods.

_"You understand why we need your help?"_

Charlie looks at him, her eyes shining with tears

_"I should have come back earlier it's just..."_

Kevin pats her shoulder

_"You couldn't know."_

She sniffs

_"I'm... I mean Dorothy and I we are..."_

Their Graces. Of course. Saskia completes

_"Together."_

Charlie smiles shyly

_"Yeah. We managed to bring peace back to the land and hum... in return Dorothy became the Lady of Oz... And me hers."_

She wipes her eyes

_"If you need to find Vivian, I can help you with that, follow me."_

 

The group follows Charlie to another room, if possible even more beautiful than the previous one. It's a circular room, with a huge green crystal in the middle of it. The crystal is sit in a pool of sparkling water, and all around are the most exotic looking plants you could ever see. Hummingbirds and butterflies are flying all around, and a hole in the ceiling lets the sunlight come in and light up the room.

Charlie lets Cas, Kevin and Saskia a moment before telling them where they are

 _"This is the green crystal of Oz. There are 6 crystals in Avalon, connecting the 6 major cities. They have a lot of power, and one of them is you can use them to travel from castle to castle. The fairy you're looking for, the Lady of the Lake, is the Lady of Ys_. _Ys is another kingdom. Oz is green, Ys is blue, and its capital is called Sapphire City."_

Saskia walks towards the crystal, and she approaches her hand. She instantly feels a strong vibration, and hears a murmur, like thousand of voices. It's not only a traveling device, oh no. This thing is tremendously strong.

_"I don't know how to make it work, but Gilda does. She's a fairy friend, I can call her, and we'll asks Niahm, well Vivian, if she accepts to receive you."_

Castiel asks

_"Do you think she might refuse?"_

_"I don't think so no, Vivian is not very fond of humans, but she appreciated our help in the war against the dark witches so she'll help us."_

Charlie leaves them and goes find her friend.

Kevin notices Saskia has been very silent since they arrived, and he comes to her, touching her shoulder. Saskia jumps.

 _"Sorry i didn't mean to scare you!"_ says the prophet. Saskia turns around and she looks... anxious?

 _"It's fine Kev."_ she says, turning back to the crystal

 _"What's wrong?"_ he asks, not fooled by that almost winchester-esque way of answering.

 _"I don't know yet."_ Saskia answers, putting her hand on the crystal.

She can't quite grasp what the voice are telling, it's like a clamor, like hearing an entire world at the same time. And the power... she can feel it through her veins, it's like she's a battery on charge. How can't they feel it?

 _"Cas?"_ she asks, and Castiel comes closer.

_"Cas, do you feel something when you touch that crystal?"_

The angel puts his hand on the smooth surface, and at first, he doesn't feel anything. Then, a little tingling, and then... some kind of euphoria, though he's not sure. It's a feeling of pure happiness, it makes him want to laugh, and he never laughs. He begins to smile, and then to chuckle.

 _"Cas?"_ says Kevin, worried. The angel's eyes are closed, and he's laughing. For nothing.

Castiel's laugh becomes louder, and soon it's out of control. Saskia and Kevin notice tears on the corner of his eyes, and suddenly, it stops. Castiel breathes, steps inside the pool, and takes some water in his hands. He splashes his face, and then starts to drink.

Kevin whispers

_"What the Hell..."_

Castiel is now knelt in the water, still drinking, and neither Saskia nor Kevin dare to interrupt him.

_"Thirsty brother?"_

Says a feminine voice. A woman is standing at the entrance, near Charlie who looks confused. It must be Gilda, and she walks towards them, getting inside the pool and gently leading Castiel out.

The angel is a little unsteady, and he sits down on a chair Charlie brought. When he finally opens his eyes, they're glowing a little.

 _"Gilda..."_ says Charlie, _"What happened to him?"_

Gilda doesn't seem to understand why everybody is so surprised.

 _"His Light needed it, Charlie... you see me drinking water from the Sacred Pond all the time_. _Why are you so surprised?"_

Charlie frowns

_"He's not a fairy Gilda, he's an angel, from Earth."_

Gilda opens her eyes wide

_"An angel? I've heard of them but I'd never seen one!"_

Kevin crouches near Castiel who's still a little dazed, and Saskia uses her scarf to dry his face. Gilda walks towards the crystal, puts her hand on it and says

_"Lady Charlie and three guests in Emerald City are asking for passage to the Blue Castle"_

After a minute, a voice resonates in the room

_"Passage granted, welcome Lady Charlie."_

Charlie walks towards the crystal and tells the group to follow her. She touches the crystal and disappears.

 _"You ok Cas?"_ asks Saskia

The angel blinks several times. He feels well. He feels extremely well. And that's strange.

Usually, he never is.

_"I suppose so, yes"_

He says, rising from his chair.

Touching that crystal made him feel almost exactly the same than when his Grace was restored.

 

What can it possibly mean?

 

 


	18. Deal

The Blue Castle's Crystal Room is exactly the same than Oz's, except there are no plants. It looks like an ice palace, and Kevin can't repress a " _are we in Frozen?_ " when he emerges from the portal. Saskia chuckles and whispers " _then she must be Elsa_ ", discretely pointing at a silver blond haired woman talking with Charlie and Gilda.

She's wearing a long pearl white dress, partly translucent and richly embroidered. She looks very young and eerily beautiful though her gaze shows she's way older than she seems. There is something very solemn about her, and Saskia feels quite impressed. Power is literally flowing from her body, and she looks like she could reduce you to nothing just by snapping her fingers. Charlie breaks the silence

_"Niahm, may I introduce you to Saskia, Kevin and Castiel? They're the friends I was telling you about."_

Charlie is smiling but Saskia sees she's a little stiff, certainly a little uneasy. The fairy walks towards the group and stares at them for a moment before saying

_"Welcome to Ys. You can call me Vivian, if you know me by that name. Lady Charlie told me about your quest, please follow me upstairs, so we can talk."_

She gracefully turns around and exits the room. Charlie asks

 _"Do you want me to stay with you guys? ",_ she smiles,  _"must say I'm curious about that Grail thing."_

Saskia nods, she's Sam's friend so she doesn't see why she couldn't stay, and Kevin answers with an enthusiastic yes. Castiel seems lost. He's not really been himself since he drank that water.

 _"Cas?"_ asks Saskia

 _"Uh yes, yes of course"_ he answers, before walking out the room, following VIvian's steps.

On their way up, they're greeted by several fairies who lead them to Vivian's private garden, outside the Castle, on a large terrace. The view is extraordinary. The Castle is built on an island in the middle of a lake which waters are the bluest the group has ever seen. On the shore, you can see Sapphire City, a charming town made of tiny white houses, and its impressive harbor, where beautiful ships are waiting for travelers.

Vivian is sit on a white engraved armchair, and is drinking a glass of what seems to be water. Fairies bring more chairs, and the group awkwardly sits. In this environment of beauty and elegance, they feel completely out of place.

_"So, you are looking for the Grail, aren't you?"_

Castiel nods and says

_"Yes, we are, and your help would be very appreciated."_

Vivian stares at him

_"You're an angel, are you?"_

Before Cas can say anything, she turns to Saskia and says

_"And you're a witch."_

Saskia swallows and sees Kevin getting tense.

_"You... are marked. Marked by him."_

Kevin stutters

_"H...him?"_

Vivian precises

_"God, as you might call him. Though I know him under another name."_

Castiel asks

_"What other name?"_

Vivan sips a little water and answers

_"An."_

Before putting her glass back on the table and staring at the group with an half amused look.

_"If you're looking for the Grail, and if you came here, then you certainly have some suspicions about your god's true nature, haven't you?"_

Saskia hesitates and says

_"We... have. We have evidence proving that God is a... warlock, or at least has a very good knowledge of magic, especially dark magic."_

Vivian nods, interested. Saskia continues

_"Some people here speak angelic, well Enochian, to be precise."_

She stops, unsettled by the fairy's ice blue eyes. Vivian smiles a little and says

_"So now you're wondering if...?"_

Kevin completes

 _"If God is... a ... fairy...",_ he grimaces,  _"though it sounds completely uh... don't mean to be offensive but hum..."_

Castiel finally talks

_"My home is collapsing. My brothers and sisters are dying because an angel triggered something with a spell God designed. We need, our world needs to find him so he can restore Heaven and the world's balance."_

He gets up, clenching his fists

_"I want to know who he is, who I am, and trust me, I have a thousand questions to ask. But right now, I just need to find him. I just need to save Heaven."_

The fairy's arrogance turned him right back into Heaven's little soldier, even though a few hours ago he couldn't care less. There is just something so... contemptuous in this woman's eyes when she talks about God. He can't stand it despite God's betrayal, the memory loss and the lies.

Vivian raises an eyebrow

_"Sit down Angel, I said I would help you, didn't I?"_

Saskia looks at Castiel and coughs, trying to show him he needs to cooperate, and Cas sits back on his chair, reluctantly. Vivian looks at him, with a mischievous smile and she says

_"Before I begin to tell you about the Grail, you must know that I am not a friend of your god. Quite the contrary actually."_

She turns to Kevin and adds

_"But you were right, God, An comes from this place. And he was born a warlock."_

Castiel stutters

_"You...you knew him?"_

Vivian drinks a little water and answers

_"I did. I used to know him and his sister, Tiamat."_

Saskia is confused.

_"God has a... sister?"_

_"He does, well he did."_ says Vivian,  _"Maybe you know her under another name. Tiamat was a witch, and a very talented alchemist. She used to create homunculi and well... what you would call monsters."_

Castiel whispers

_"Eve..."_

Vivian tilts her head, and adds

_"Yes. That's it. Eve."_

She gets up and starts to walk around the terrace

_"You used the Green Castle's Crystal to come here. Do you know what's the use of the six Crystals of Avalon?"_

Kevin answers

_"Charlie told us they were connecting the six major cities."_

Vivian smiles to the Prophet.

_"They do. But they are much more than this as well. Those Crystals contain the souls of generations of faes, they're directly connected to our world's Life Stream."_

Saskia mutters

_"Of course... the voices..."_

Vivian turns to her

 _"You heard them, you're a witch, I'm not surprised.",_ she continues, " _over the generations, hundreds of very old and very wise faes chose to merge with the Crystals in their time of dying, so that their knowledge and power would never be lost. Anyone who can connect with a Crystal can harvest its knowledge, and become wiser"_

Kevin adds

_"It's like a...[noosphere](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noosphere)?"_

The fairy nods

_"Exactly. The Crystal are the pillars on which our world is built. They are also the source of the Faes' Light."_

Saskia says

_"The Sacred Pond..."_

_"Yes. As you have noticed, this is no ordinary water."_

Saskia completes

_"We use water to clean the crystals but those don't need to so hum... the water... takes some of the crystal's properties and when you drink it..."_

She stops, amazed.

_"That's the source of your power?"_

Vivian smiles

_"Yes. Now, what if I told you there used to be seven Crystals in Avalon?"_

Castiel frowns. This definitely doesn't look good. The fairy continues

_"I am the Lady of Ys, as you know. Well, An and TIamat used to be the rulers of another land, named..."_

Castiel interrupts her

_"Eden."_

Vivian looks at him and says

_"Eden."_

 

***

 

After what happened in that town he really wants to forget, Logan has grown warier of Andras, who's still trying to be his friend, in a very Andras's way, meaning, let's bond over torturing people. 

Andras is old, even if he doesn't precisely know how old, but he acts like a psycho child. There are moments when he practically looks normal, and Logan wonders what he meant when he said he used to be like him. What could he possibly mean? Like what? 

He's showing his legions how to torture people, and frankly, Logan can barely stand the sight of him slicing people and laughing like a... well a demon. Logan has the black eyes, he has the hate and the violence. He also has the sadism but hell... this is a whole new level of evil. He died in 2002, so he remained 12 years in Hell, in Earth time. It felt like a century though. A century being tortured and burnt alive, being obliged to witness over and over things he wanted to forget so he could, just a few weeks ago, wake up one day screaming his hate for the world, humanity, his father and of course Saskia Jager.

Seemed simple then. His thirst for revenge was so strong. But seeing Andras is like a cold shower. It made him think about Kay... well Saskia, she hated that nickname. About how he treated her. And now he's looking at Andras dismembering someone and explaining people are "just like chickens, you just need to know where to cut", he wonders if they are indeed the same. Because there were moments in his life when he definitely enjoyed tormenting her. And others when he felt just like blowing his head off for being such a waste of flesh and blood. He just was never brave enough.

_"You want to cut him?"_

Andras came to sit beside him. His blond hair is stuck on his forehead with blood, and basically, he's covered in it. He's smiling, observing the group he's training cutting a poor guy like a Thanksgiving turkey. 

Logan mutters

_"No thanks."_

Andras sighs

_"You're absolutely not funny at all. I'm disappointed. And bored."_

Logan looks at him. Nothing good comes from him being bored.

_"Tell me uh... Andras. How did you... land here?"_

The blond boy crosses his legs and turns to him, smiling

_"You sure you want to know?"_

Uh oh. 

_"Because that's a long story. But I'm sure you can relate."_

Andras said, winking. Oh yeah that's true, somehow he knows his story, how he does is another question. Logan nods and Andras says

_"My father sold me to Agares."_

Logan shouts

_"What?"_

Andras fakes a sad face

_"Don't be like that, it was what? more than 600 years ago? I'm over it."_

Logan asks

_"But why?"_

Andras sighs

_"Ever heard about the Black Plague? Well everyone was dying around us. I was born in Venice and my father was a merchant. Quite wealthy, wishing to get wealthier..."_

Logan stares at him and notices his gaze has changed. It looks almost nostalgic, and has lost its madness.

_"Anyway my mother got sick and died, and so did my two older brothers. For an unknown reason, my father and I were spared."_

He makes his wicked smile again

_"Which was strange because I had always been a sick child. I guess my father thought I would be the first to die but no, it was his beloved wife, and then his beloved first born Giacomo."_

Logan asks

_"What's you real name?"_

Andras stares at him for a moment, expressionless and then he rolls his eyes, smiles and says

_"Andrea"_

He begins to clean his knife with his thumb and lick the blood, just like he did in the woods, and Logan feels like his life story makes him even more unstable. But he can't interrupt him. Not right now.

_"So, as all his colleagues were also dying he thought this disease could be an opportunity you know, to get richer. I anyone survived of course. But he wasn't the kind to sell his own valuables, so he summoned a demon and made a deal. His last son's soul for his own survival."_

Logan shakes his head and Andras says

_"Don't tell me your father wouldn't have sold you to save your mother?"_

The hunter tries not to look shocked. Is that why Andras tried to get close to him? Because he thinks he can relate? Though he's not completely wrong. Logan doesn't know how many times Rick told him he wished his mother terminated her pregnancy just like he asked her to. He mutters

_"Yeah, maybe he would have."_

Andras makes a satisfied smile

_"Well mine wanted to survive and Agares went to take me."_

He licks a drop of blood

_"Best thing that ever happened to me"_

Logan says

_"Really?"_

And instantly regrets it. Andras doesn't seem to care though.

 _"He tortured me to the point I... didn't even know who I was",_ he says, with an ecstatic smile. " _In the end, it didn't even hurt. I was... expecting it, anticipating it... The feeling of..."_

He starts to cut his arm and stares intensely at his own blood

_"I can't really describe it. It's the strongest kind of..."_

He cuts again and Logan has a hard time not telling him to stop

_"Love... I've ever received"_

Holy shit. Logan doesn't want to know the extent of the torture, or the details. Yes please, no details. 

_"He made me his equal."_

He says, softly, almost whispering.

_"And when I was ready he let me pay my father a little visit."_

He adds, with a sadistic smile, his mouth reddened by traces of his own blood. Logan looks at him and tries to smile, but only imagining what Andras did to his father makes him shiver.

_"If you could pay a visit to the one who sent you here, what would you do?"_

Andras asks him, with a little half smile. If he could see Kay again? He doesn't know. He would be torn between slicing her in little pieces and apologizing for having been such a heartless dick. 

She probably wouldn't listen though. She would look at him with her amber eyes and send him right back where he comes from.

Where she should also be, if the world was fair.

_"You'll burn her? You'll take her? You'll cut her?"_

Andras seems pretty excited

_"Do you want me to find her for you?"_

Oh fuck.

_"Maybe that would do you good you know. Peal the bitch's skin off. Grill it. And eat it."_

He's laughing now and Logan isn't sure he managed to hide his disgust. 

_"Or whatever you want, fuck her, I don't know. With my darling father I..."_

_"Andras stop!"_

He says, and the demon grins

_"I'll find her for you. You'll thank me later."_

He gracefully jumps back in the arena and congratulates his team for its torturing skills. 

Logan is confused. The first thing he thought was " _I hope Kay reduces you to ashes_."

He's never hoped anything about Saskia, except for her to die soon.

 

***

 

Rudi's log cabin is far from being the typical hunter hideout. It's warm, comfortable, and filled with magic books. It definitely feels good to finally be out of the bunker, to be at last able to breathe fresh air and to see other people. Linda took advantage of their trip to go back to her house settle some personal business and take some more clothes and things for her and Kevin, she should be there in a couple of days. There was no need for her to remain alone in the bunker. When her son comes back from Fairy Land, Saskia will call Rudi and thanks to her portal they will all be able to come back in a minute.

It was Rudi's idea to come here to train, here where he has all his important books, and where no demon or angel or anything can approach.

Speaking of the devil, the older man comes back from his kitchen with two steaming cups of coffee and a few cookies.

 _"Comfy?"_ he says, smiling. Sam answers

_"Yeah. Really. Thanks."_

Rudi puts the cups on the table and sits beside Sam.

 _"So, about the trap for your brother..."_ he begins

Sam turns to him, interested and says

_"Yeah?"_

Rudi frowns

_"Here's my problem. I studied everything I had, plus what you told me about Cain and I designed a perfect trap and a way to maybe cure your brother."_

Sam has trouble containing his excitement, this man is amazing.

_"So what's the problem?"_

Rudi sighs

_"Well. I told you your power could help me trapping your brother, you remember?"_

Sam nods

_"Ok so I thought about drawing the trap with your blood. For two reasons, in blood magic, family blood is powerful, and you're the closest parent he has. Plus your blood is special, due to your ability."_

Rudi drinks some coffee and continues.

_"You also told me human blood could cure a demon, right? So I figured we could also use your blood to cure your brother, but then we would have a problem with the Mark."_

Sam agrees, they already thought about it with Saskia and that's why they concluded they couldn't cure him yet.

_"Thing is, I've been thinking about what you said you know? About that uh... Colette? Is that it? How she managed to help Cain controlling the Mark?"_

Sam feels a little uneasy. If he's honest to himself, he's thought about it a few times as well.

_"Love is a powerful thing. You see, if I'm being pragmatic, I agree with Saskia, we can't only count on God. So I was wondering, is there someone, anyone, we could ask for help? Someone your brother used to love?"_

Sam coughs and Rudi continues, not noticing his unease.

_"She wouldn't have to come, I just need some blood. Blood of the Lover, that's a common thing in Blood Magic, I'll show you but uh... That way we could cure him with your blood and stabilize him with hers."_

Sam scratches his scalp. 

_"That would be perfect. And my problem is, we don't have anyone that matches the description, do we?"_

Rudi's looking at Sam, and the hunter's first instinct is to mention Lisa, the woman Dean spent a year with. But it's fooling them both. Dean loved Lisa, but was never in love with her, not the way he's in love with... well with him. Even if they went through all the trouble of locating her and take some of her blood it wouldn't work. He tries

_"The person you're thinking about... does she have to be uh... a lover, I mean a partner? Or does it work with any kind of love?"_

Rudi frowns and takes a minute to think before answering

_"Well... Ideally, we'd need his soul mate, that's the strongest kind of bond. Why, you were thinking of someone?"_

Sam deeply breathes in. If there is a moment to be brave about who he is, about who they are, it's now.

_"With my uh... ability... Is there a way I can show you something?"_

Rudi nods and explains him how to connect both their fourth shakra. This way Sam can extract his feelings and make them pass through Rudi's mind.

_"Don't be afraid to push a little though"_

The warlock wonders what is that thing Sam wants to show him, that thing he seems not to be able to voice.

Sam closes his eyes and takes Rudi's hands. After a few minutes of concentration, he opens them again, and now he can see all the colors surrounding them. As Rudi told him, he thinks about what he wants to show, and he visualizes Dean. He knows he can't hit Rudi with all his memories of Dean, there are too many of them and it could knock him out. He needs to show him what he feels for him, just that. Let the memories aside and focus on the feeling. Waking up close to him. His stupid jokes. His freckles. How he cries. Just a single tear. Because John used to forbid him to cry. His happy smile. His casual way of saying "I'd die for you". The fear of loosing him. The impossibility of leaving him. Love. Need. Ache. Happiness. Dean.

He sees a light green orb emerging from his heart and flying to Rudi's. It's levitating right in front of it, and Sam remembers he told him to insist. So he does, and Rudi jerks, shaken by the intrusion, trying to get some air, gasping. Sam doesn't let go of his hands and stares at him. Tears are filling the warlock's eyes and he shoves Sam's hands away, getting up and walking to the house's open door, heavily breathing.

 _"I'm sorry'_ says Sam, still sit on the couch.

Rudi doesn't answer and Sam knows something is now certainly broken between them.

_"I couldn't... keep on... hiding it... Especially if I can save him."_

The warlock is still scarily silent and Sam gets up, awkwardly walking towards him.

_"I love him. I... I know how it sounds... I won't blame you if you..."_

Rudi starts laughing. That, Sam didn't expect. He sadly mutters

_"Okay..."_

And turns around. Rudi catches his wrist and says

_"You almost broke my seal with that love of yours"_

Sam looks at him, puzzled.

_"I was laughing because you're an idiot. You mean well. But you're an idiot."_

The hunter is now very confused and Rudi precises

_"How many times did I tell you I didn't care about what you had done, or what your brother had done? "_

Sam says

_"Yeah I know but this..."_

Rudi rolls his eyes

_"This what? Have you heard what I've just said? You. Almost. Broke. My. Seal."_

Sam doesn't seem to understand, and Rudi pushes him playfully

_"It means, you big imbecile, it means what you sent was so powerful that it almost broke a coven seal. A coven seal on the shakra which controls feelings."_

Sam doesn't react and Rudi gets back inside, laughing again

_"God Sam I don't care you love your brother or the mailman I mean... This is the strongest kind of love I've ever witnessed! How can you be ashamed by that?"_

The hunter finally manages to talk

_"He's my brother."_

Rudi looks at him and replies

_"Has he always been?"_

Sam is puzzled

_"How would I know?"_

The warlock answers

_"You wouldn't. But I don't see the point of waiting for another life, when your brother won't be your brother, for claiming a soul that is clearly yours."_

Sam sits down, shocked.

_"It doesn't bother you?"_

Rudi sits beside him and makes his mischievous grin.

_"Haven't I told you I wasn't one of those so called 'good people'?"_

 

***

 

_"You mean... Heaven is a part of this world? I don't..."_

Castiel is pacing around the terrace, looking distraught and Vivian sighs.

_"No angel, no, that's not what I said."_

The group is now in complete confusion, and Vivian looks at them the way you would look at a not very bright toddler.

_"An and Tiamat were the rulers of a kingdom called Eden. Here, in Avalon. But because of Tiamat's experiments and An's hunger for power, they were threatened of being stripped of their titles by Oberon, our King."_

Castiel stops walking and looks at Vivian, who's staring at him with pity.

_"They stole Eden's crystal to cross worlds and establish themselves on Earth. They stole the seventh crystal."_

The angel mutters

_"What?"_

Vivian gets up and walks close to him.

_"You were born from this crystal, and so were all your brothers and sisters."_

Castiel looks at her, lost, and says

_"That's why... people here were... calling me brother?"_

Vivan takes his hand

_"Yes, that is why."_

She turns to the rest of the group

_"Because of An and Tiamat's theft, our world has been unstable since the seventh crystal was brought to your world."_

She sits on her chair and closes her eyes

_"It caused your world a lot of trouble as well, more than you could ever imagine."_

Saskia swallows with difficulty. She was expecting something surprising but not that much. 

_"My interest, as the Lady of Ys, and as a member of Avalon's Great Council is to see An brought to Oberon's justice."_

 

She continues

_"If you swear to respect that, I will help you"_

Castiel sits in front of her, and says, without consulting the others

_"We have a deal."_

 

God is just like his favorite sons.

 

A dick with wings.

 

 

 


	19. Light Bringer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was hard to write! Sorry for the wait :)
> 
> EDIT: 07/28
> 
> And I've just seen we're past 1500 views so THANK YOU! I wish I could all hug you!
> 
> There is a big battle coming, I hope it will be as epic as I imagine it, so stay tuned friends. It will certainly take some time because I want it to be good, but thank you for giving me the motivation to continue, thank you for the comments, the kudos...
> 
> Feel free to comment, ask whatever you want to ask, I love talking to my readers, you're all precious to me!

" _They want to free Michael._ "

Hannah is sit in Castiel's office and Gadriel has just crashed in an armchair, heavily sighing

" _God... Will they ever learn?_ "

Hannah shakes her head, looking depressed

_"I'm starting to understand why Castiel didn't want any responsibility."_

She bites her lip, juggling with a pen

_"You know what they said?"_

Gadriel says

_"I guess they told you they needed a real, tough, manly and merciless leader?"_

Hannah looks at him and his surprised to hear sarcasm in his mouth. He's right though.

_"They said almost exactly that. They said Michael will know how to restore Heaven, how to make the Reapers work again, how to give us back our power... Basically they think he's..."_

_"Let me guess, God Almighty?"_

Hannah rolls her eyes

_"Yes. And I told them Castiel was trying to find God, but they're convinced it would please him to have Michael back."_

Gadriel frowns

_"Did they say something about Lucifer?"_

_"They swore it wasn't about him but uh... I don't trust them. Anyway, I managed to convince them to wait for Castiel's return before going to battle, so I guess it gives us time."_

Gadriel nods and adds

_"How long can they wait?"_

_"Not long. Two angels died today. Their Graces burnt out."_

Hannah gets up and starts walking around the room.

_"They're the first to... die like this. We don't have much time Gadriel..."_

Gadriel rises too and walks close to her

_"I know. But going to war won't solve anything. What about your friends in Naomi's archives? Did they find anything?"  
_

Hannah sits on her chair and looks even more desperate

_"I have a meeting scheduled with them this afternoon. They don't seem very... optimistic... to say the least. You're welcome to accompany me if you want."  
_

Gadriel shrugs and replies

_"Sure, i'd love to, but not too long, apparently the access to the Garden is still locked and I have been asked to take care of it."_

Hannah smiles sadly

_"Is there anything working here?"_

_"I guess not"_

Answers Gadriel, leaving the office. It's not like he can do anything about the Garden, but angels have to see he's trying to help, that they're not alone.

If this fight with Hell does happen, in their current state they're going to be wiped out.

Gadriel hopes Cas knows what he's doing.

 

***

 

 _"Are you sure you do not want to think about it angel?"_ asks Vivian.

Castiel looks at Saskia and Kevin and notices they seem startled. He did accept a deal out of anger. He mutters

_"The Tablets..."_

And Kevin gets them out of his backpack. Vivian looks at them, visibly interested, and the Prophet explains

_"These are God's... I translated two of them and hum they're... encrypted. We kind of hoped you could maybe..."_

Vivian smiles

_"Read them for you?"_

She brushes her fingers on the tablets surface, and suddenly the artifacts are glowing with a blue light. The fairy adds

 _"It's nothing that I don't know already"_ with nostalgia in her voice.

She keeps on looking at them in silence until she says

_"The content of these tablets will be very shocking, I prefer to warn you."_

Castiel nods, and Saskia and Kevin look at each other, bracing themselves. Vivian breathes in and begins to explain the Tablets content.

 

When An and Tiamat crossed worlds to get to Earth, they used Eden's crystal to lock all the doors from Avalon to their new home, so no one would follow them. As they couldn't live on Earth with their Fae bodies, they created a Earth-bound dimension, Heaven, where they could live.

 _"Heaven was created with Eden's crystal. The stone must be at the center of it."_ says Vivian, and Castiel whispers

_"The Garden of Eden..."_

The fairy nods

_"Exactly. Have you ever been there?"_

Castiel frowns

_"Yes, a few times. But I've never seen any crystal."_

Vivian replies

_"That's because of how Heaven was designed. Everything depends on the eyes of the beholder. If you don't know what to look for, you won't see it."_

Saskia says to Kevin

_"It's like in the Never Ending Story..."_

And the Prophet nods. It's actually quite an interesting comparison. Obviously, Heaven lacks some kind of energy, but what kind?

Vivian continues to tell God's story. Once Heaven was created, An and Tiamat decided to erase the domineering specie on Earth so they could create an ideal environment for their own creatures.

_"In those days, Earth was populated with giant reptiles."_

She turns to Saskia

_"Are you familiar with the art of invocation?"_

The witch nods, and Vivian adds

 _"What do you know about the invocation called Meteor_?"

Saskia's eyes widen in shock, and Kevin grabs her wrist, asking her to explain. Saskia mutters

_"Invocations are... very hard to master uh... Basically it's about binding a creature... or any form of energy... to you..."_

She sips a little water.

_"It's dark, very dark... Meteor is about... summoning a meteor to crash on something, or someone... It's legendary... I didn't even know..."_

Kevin says

_"You're saying God invoked a meteor to destroy the dinosaurs?"_

Vivianprecises

_"You are almost right. Almost. Meteor is not about invoking a stone, it's about invoking Death."_

Castiel shouts

_"What?"_

Vivian explains

_"One of the first actions of An as Earth's God was to bind Death to him. And he used him many times to destroy what he didn't like. Meteor, fire, floods... It must sound familiar to you."_

Saskia asks

_"But why?"_

Vivian answers

_"Simple reason, he needed energy to keep his Heaven running. And this energy, he took it from Earth's Life Stream."_

Castiel suddenly understands

_"The souls..."_

And the fairy smiles, conniving. Kevin asks for precisions, and Castiel answers

_"The souls are Heaven's source of energy... which means... they were not originally made to go to Heaven..."_

Vivian says

_"No. And that's why An needed to control Death. Who controls Death controls the Life Stream."_

And Castiel nods, visibly troubled. Vivian continues.

_"Whatever spell this Metatron used certainly freed Death, and the human souls are going back to the Life Stream, thus taking away your... Heaven's source of energy."_

The angels says

_"I heard no such thing..."_

And wonders if Hannah knows about this. She said she had trouble withe Reapers, but she didn't mention to what extent, and he was too angry to ask. He's been irresponsible. He asks

_"How can we save Heaven if we don't have that... energy?"_

Vivian raises an eyebrow

_"I do not know angel. But you said your brothers and sisters were losing their Light, their... Graces, am I right?"_

Castiel confirms

_"The Crystal might be trying to restore itself by taking this energy back. After all, if An gave you your light back, he might still have some kind of control over Eden's Crystal."_

Castiel thinks about Joshua, God's gardener, supposedly the one and only angel God communicates with. Is he actually the guardian of the Crystal? Where is he now? Was he also expelled from Heaven after Metatron's spell? 

Before he can say anything, Saskia says

_"So it means the spell was designed to... reboot everything? Turn Earth back into what it used to be?"_

Vivian nods

_"It is possible. But that Metatron was not strong enough to do it properly. I suppose that if An's Light had been used, all the angels would have been instantly killed, and their Lights gathered into the crystal."_

Castiel looks traumatized.

_"So instead, we are just dying a slow death."_

Vivian reaches his hand and whispers

_"I am truly sorry."_

Kevin whispers

_"So the spell to close the gates of Hell, the one Sam wanted to use... Was it to... kill all the demons?"_

Vivian answers

_"If such a spell was made by An, well certainly. After all, he is the one who created Heaven, Hell and Purgatory. It is only natural he knows how to destroy them. Maybe he always knew his plan to colonize a new world was never going to work."_

She pauses

_"As I told you earlier, An used Eden's Crystal to create the angels, the Annunakis as the first humans used to call them, meaning An's creatures."_

All the angels were created at that moment, when the Earth was still recovering from the Meteor's Blast. And soon, An decided he and his children needed to colonize the Earth. But for that, they needed vessels. That's when Tiamat went to work. She asked for her own home, since Heaven was now filled with angels, and that's how Purgatory was created, though then it wasn't a prison, simply Tiamat's Heaven. She wanted to have the most intelligent and powerful vessel possible, and using all her knowledge, she created the Leviathans.

 _"Leviathans were made to be vessels?"_ asks Castiel, disgusted.

Vivian confirms. Soon enough, the Leviathans proved to be way too dangerous, since Tiamat had created them trans-dimensional. This started a feud between An and his sisters, since she refused to change anything in her creatures, and even decided they deserved to have a life of their own. She began to fill the Earth with different other monsters, and after some time, An used his power to lock Tiamat and the Leviathans in Purgatory, turning it into a dimension where monsters would kill each other for eternity.

_"Their souls were too corrupted to return to the Life Stream, and too dangerous to be allowed in Heaven. Purgatory works in a loop, and it's one of the most terrible place An could ever create. This was maybe the moment when he realized his plans could lead Earth to catastrophe."_

Castiel remembers his time in this dreadful forest. And when he freed the Leviathans like the fool he was when he wanted to sit in God's throne. If only he had known then...

_"After that, God started to work on another kind of vessels for his angels, and that's how humans were created."_

Saskia says

_"Just to be... meatsuits?"_

Vivian answers

_"I would not use that word but yes. For what I know, originally humans were created to serve as vessels for the angels."_

She pauses, reading a tablet again.

_"What happened after is not written, and I'm afraid I ignore it as well."_

Castiel frowns, and Vivian completes

_"In the beginning, An used Eden's Crystal to lock Earth from the inside. No one could cross from our side. And when we were finally able to..."_

Vivian explains the access to Earth was reopen very suddenly, without any warning. Faes quickly went through and found a few herds of starved and lost humans, who told them tales about a terrible war.

_"It wasn't very clear. When we were finally able to cross, several generations had passed and their memories had merged with legends and superstitions. What we gathered was that a terrible cataclysm had happened. They talked about fire in the sky, about a Flood, about... cities turned to sand, an entire continent turned to ice..."_

Saskia and Kevin look at each other, stunned, and Charlie opens her mouth for the first time since they started talking, muttering

_"Atlantis..."_

Vivian doesn't pay attention and continues

_"Our goal at that time was already to find An and retrieve Eden's Crystal. But he had disappeared. And the few angels we met were unable to tell us what had happened. They all said the same thing, and it couldn't be the truth. That's how we understood what had happened."_

She takes another tablet

_"It's written right here. God sacrificed his light to erase his creatures memories, and he disappeared on Earth."_

Castiel shakes his hand

_"Does it say how to find him?"_

Vivian smiles

_"No. It only says God chose to live among the poor. If he's always kept his control over Eden's crystal, restoring his Light while hiding was a good plan for someone who wanted to abandon his responsibilities."_

Kevin whispers

_"Among the humans..."_

The fairy replies

_"Yes. It means God incarnates in his prophets."_

Staring at him. Kevin rises and starts to walk around

_"No. No, no, no, no."_

Castiel says

_"That's why every angel knows the names of the future prophets..."_

Vivian confirms

_"Yes. God, An, has been hiding in his vessels since those wars. And since then, we've been tracking him."_

Saskia interrupts

_"But if he incarnates in his prophets... how did you miss him?"_

The fairy explains

_"Most of the time, he hides inside his prophet, he doesn't take full control, or maybe for a very short time. He works as an... inspiration. He pushed his Prophets to do things for him, but he lays low. That's why he's so difficult to find."_

Saskia nods, and Vivian continues

 _"Myrrdin and I...",_ she smiles,  _"you must know him under the name of Merlin; we managed to forge two objects to locate him and..."_

She looks at the group, seeming a little embarrassed.

_"And kill him."_

Castiel shouts

_"You wanted to kill God?"_

And Vivian gets up, staring coldly at the angel.

_"Yes. Or incapacitate him."_

She turns back to the other and explains that Myrrdin is actually a wizard of Avalon, one of the most talented in Oberon's court. After a few missed attempts at locating God, Myrrdin forged a medallion to locate An.

_"It represents Oberon, the Horned God."_

Saskia asks

_"Cernunnos?"_

The fairy answers

_"To the Celts, yes. From the moment we were able to cross worlds again, we took care of An's abandoned creatures. After all, you all have a little of our light in you. Oberon himself came a few times, and he was quickly worshiped. Horns symbolize strength and power, and depending on people's culture, the horned god could have deer antlers or... bull horns, like Mithra, one of Oberon's many earthling names."_

Castiel stutters

_"Was it a... golden amulet... with the face of a... closed-eyed man... with bull horns?"_

Vivian raises an eyebrow

_"You heard of it?"_

Castiel doesn't feel like saying he lost it.

_"Yes. I was told it burnt hot in God's presence, but that it didn't work if he... didn't want to be found."_

Vivian looks at him for a minute, and it's clear she guessed he knows more. But she still pretends she didn't and says

_"An cannot be found by fairies or angels, that was a part of the spell he used. This amulet was made to be used by humans, pure blooded humans."_

Kevin is still walking around, and he snaps at everyone

_"I might have had God inside of my body and nobody has anything to say about that?"_

Saskia gets up and pats his shoulder, apologizing, and the Prophet says

_"Sorry but how is this thing supposed to work? We wear it and then one, we go door to door until it finally burns hot?"_

Vivian shakes her head

_"No. It works like a pendulum and it gives visions to the one who wears it."_

Saskia says

_"I know how to use that. What's the second object, the one to kill?"_

The fairy says

_"It's a spear. We used it once, but too late. An had already left his vessel."_

Charlie mutters

_"Don't tell me you stabbed Jesus..."_

Vivian raises an eyebrow and then confirms. Jesus was one of An's prophets, and he was also one of the few An completely possessed.

_"It was the first time we used the amulet and we found him quite easily. Unfortunately for us, when we reached him on the cross, it's the human we stabbed, An had flown away."_

Saskia says

_"That's why he was saying... uh... Father why did you left me? Or something like that?"_

Vivian nods

_"Yes."_

_"Fairies stabbed Jesus"_ repeats Charlie.

Vivian explains that after Jesus's death, she decided to stop tracking An and went back to Ys, leaving the artifacts on Earth. That chase had last for centuries, and it had made her neglect her own land. 

 _"But you did come back to Earth"_ says Kevin,  _"You helped King Arthur."_

The fairy sighs

_"I am afraid my influence has been wildly exaggerated. I was called there by Myrrdin, we had lost contact since Jesus, and I learnt he had adopted a little boy he wanted to use to find God. He gave him the spear, reshaped in a sword Arthur called Excalibur, and the amulet, and used him to create a little army dedicated to find the "Grail". Arthur used the amulet's visions to send his knights on missions, and many of them got killed in the process."_

Castiel asks

_"Killed by God?"_

" _Yes. I suppose we were getting close. Anyway, only one knight managed to approach An, and he came back mad. He killed himself. After that, I told Myrrdin we had to stop looking for An. That he was too dangerous, but he refused. He said he had swore an oath to Oberon, and that he intended to keep it."_

Kevin says

_"So you locked him in your castle...?"_

_"No, I ordered him, as his lady, to go back to Avalon and to never cross to Earth again. We came back together, and I left the artifacts on Earth. Arthur was certainly buried with them."_

Saskia asks

_"You didn't take him here with you?"_

Vivian shakes her head

_"No. And after that, An's worshipers began to chase, kill and persecute those who believed in us. Trying to arrest An got many fairies and humans killed by angels."_

She drinks another glass of water, looking lost in her thoughts.

_"An is not the benevolent being you think he is. He is resentful, and he won't let himself be caught easily. Many humans died because of our quest. We were able to save a few that we brought here, but a lot were murdered. Druids, witches, wise men and women..."_

She sighs.

_"I suppose he wanted to abandon his responsibilities after that terrible war. But getting arrested and brought to justice was never part of his plan. And with what happened here with the dark witches, I couldn't fight on two fronts at the same time."_

She looks at Charlie, smiling,

_"Thanks to Lady Dorothy and Lady Charlie's help, we managed to regain some peace in Avalon, some balance. The final step to completely restore our world the way it used to be is to get our crystal back. And now is the ideal time."_

She turns to Castiel

_"You know the name of all the potential prophets. It will make your chase easier."_

The angels says, embarrassed,

_"The problem is... there are no more Prophets."_

And he explains to Vivian the effects of Metatron's spell. The fairy takes a moment to think and says

 _"So he's hiding in one of those who are still alive. He's not in this one"_ she says, pointing at Kevin,  _"I would have felt it."_

Castiel sits and thinks about... Chuck. Chuck Surley. The one who wrote the Winchesters Gospel. The one who disappeared after... of course. Before he can say anything Vivian says

_"As for the destruction of your home angel... I am afraid it cannot be avoided. Eden's Crystal belongs in Eden, belongs here. And the Human Souls belong in Earth's Life Stream."_

The angel shakes his head.

_"So we're just... going to die?"_

The fairy smiles

_"I have never said that. A new home can be built, an new source of energy can be found."  
_

Castiel frowns

_"If you find An, if you give him to me, I will do everything in my power to save your brothers and sisters. I would never let fellow faes die like this."_

The angel mutters

_"Thank you."_

Vivian adds

 _"As a proof of my good will, I will give you some water from our Sacred Pond, enough to temporarily heal your people._ "

Castiel lightens up a bit and says, with more conviction

_"Thank you, I am grateful for your help."_

Saskia asks

_"How do we uh... find the artifacts you talked about?"_

Vivian answers

_"Myrrdin designed spells to summon them, I will give them to you."_

Saskia thanks her, and Vivian rises from her chair, gracefully walking back into her castle. A fairy guard approaches and proposes the group to guide them back to the Crystal Room.

Everybody is pretty shaken up, and the walk is heavily silent. Saskia has put her arm around Kevin's shoulders, gently stroking his arm. The expression on his face when he heard he might have had another being inside him without his knowledge or consent brought back painful memories, and she doesn't know if she's comforting him or herself.

They wait in the Crystal Room for long minutes before Vivian comes back carrying a beautiful engraved crystal amphora. 

 

  _"This amphora was built from a piece of our Crystal."_

Castiel carefully takes it and Vivian adds

_"The water it will produce will not be as strong as the one you can drink here. But it will be enough to quench your people's thirst until you find An."_

The angel nods and the Fairy says, smiling

_"In the meantime, I will inform our King and our Council, and try to find a solution for your brothers and sisters."_

Castiel shyly approaches Vivian and awkwardly bows, saying

_"In the name of Heaven, thank you Lady Vivian"_

Vivian nods and turns to the rest of the group

_"I can send you back home, if you wish to go back now."_

Saskia nods, and so does Kevin. Charlie mutters

_"Do you think... Do you think I could be of some use?"_

She looks lost, and Saskia answers

_"Well of course. Sam told us you were brilliant"_

Charlie smiles

_"You're very welcome to accompany us Charlie."_

Adds Castiel. Charlie enthusiastically nods and agrees to join them after she explained the situation to Dorothy. She waves goodbye to the group as they cross to the other side, and promises herself she will soon be there to help the Winchester Brothers.

Earth is her home, after all.

 

***

 

_"Eli, Anael, this is Gadriel"_

Gadriel looks at the two angels in front of him, and it's clear they're exhausted, and also something else. Desperate. The man, Eli, approaches and takes Hannah's hand

_"Sister... I am very sorry to tell you that... I don't even know... "_

Hannah shakes her head and says, softly

_"Fear not, my friend, what have you found?"_

The angels claps his hands, and a gigantic library appears. Anael, the other angel, a woman with long black hair explains

_"All our memories are... stored... here"_

And she points at the endless accumulation of shelves. But there are no books, only stones, crystals, shaped in the form of little pyramids. Anael walks to Gadriel and shows him one

_"This is... yours. Gadriel."_

His name is engraved on it, and Gadriel carefully holds it. Eli says

_"Do you want to see what's inside?"_

Gadriel nods, a little confused, and Anael gently takes the little pyramid and put it on a white pedestal in front of her. Some kind of translucent screen appears, and after a second, Gadriel sees someone in it, a man, standing close to an olive tree.

 _"He's dying, Gadriel."_ says the man, _"He's dying, and you know what to do to save him, to save them."_

Gadriel is shocked, he doesn't remember any of that. He hears a voice, certainly his, answering

_"I know. But I have orders. They have to find by themselves, I cannot help them, we cannot help them."_

The man walks closer, seemingly angry.

 

 _"This is a crime Gadriel. You don't have to respect those rules. First they were made to be ours. Then they're supposed to survive like animals? Let us in, brother_. _Let us take them out of this place and save them."_

The voice answers

_"You're asking me to rebel, Enki."_

Hannah and Gadriel frown. Who is that?

_"I know brother, I know. But in you heart you know this is justice. You live inside your true vessel, you know what it feels like. You know where you belong. Right here. With them."_

That Enki has surprisingly kind eyes.

_"I will not go back to Heaven Gadriel. I will stay here, and build our new home here."_

The voice whispers

_"This is treason."_

And Enki answers

_"No, my friend, this is justice. Justice for us, and for those starving and sick creatures God promised to give us and then denied us. Let us in, let us cure them, teach them, save them."_

He whispers

_"Let me in."_

And Gadriel hears his old self whispering

_"All right. Come in, Light Bringer."_

 

Light Bringer...

 

Lucifer?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you may have noticed, but I have started to use Sumerian mythology in the story. An, Tiamat and Enki are Sumerian Gods. Don't worry, there's no need for you to be an expert in this story, but that's a very ancient and interesting culture so I hope it will inspire you to read stuff about it.


	20. Turning Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the wait, I was on vacation. Hope you'll like this chapter, and don't hesitate to comment!

_"It's been three weeks."_

Sam is practicing magic in Rudi's yard, and he's not really focused. Linda has been blowing up his phone since last week because Kevin hasn't returned yet, and Rudi doesn't seem worried at all.  _"I guess Fairy Land is not in the same space-time continuum" ,_ he said, and Linda yelled at him she just wanted her son back, not a fucking class on quantum physics.

She would certainly have been angrier if she had got the Back To The Future reference.

Sam is starting to get a little worried, because Gadriel and Hannah are also on his back. The "Faithful", the group of angels who decided to free Michael from the Cage, are planning to attack Hell in a few days, maybe less than a week, and everybody's wondering where is Castiel.

_"Maybe something happened Rudi"_

He tries again. Rudi is teaching him how to defend himself against magic attacks, and right now, he's holding Sam's heart, without touching him. 

_"Focus Sam... You will lose people in battle, it will be a stressful moment. You need to push me away"_

Rudi's getting on Sam's nerves. You don't want to talk about it? thinks Sam, then I'll make you. He thinks about Saskia being hurt, lying dead on the side of the Yellow Brick Road, and he sends it the harder he can on Rudi's fourth shakra.

_"You bastard!!"_

Shouts the warlock, letting Sam's heart go. He looks genuinely pissed, and in anger, he turns a nearby boulder to dust. Sam jerks. He's never seen Rudi that angry, and soon, Rudi says

_"Of course I'm worried! What do you think?"_

He walks around and glares at Sam

_"If it wasn't for you, I would be there looking for my kid."_

Sam shakes his head and apologizes. He's right. Rudi's stuck here because he needs to be trained. 

_"I'm sorry, it's my..."_

Rudi sighs

_"Oh shut up..."_

Sam raises his head, a little hurt by his friend's harsh words. But surprisingly, Rudi's sadly smiling.

_"It's not your fault kiddo, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I'm just worried."_

He sits in the grass, and Sam sits close to him, mumbling

_"I know..."_

Rudi pats his shoulder

_"Not only about Saskia you know. I'm also worried about you. I don't want you to go to that battle alone, I don't want you to get hurt, I hope my training will be enough for you to..."_

Sam laughs, and Rudi looks at him with an half outraged, half amused stare.

_"What?"_

_"Nothing"_ Sam says. Everything that comes to his mind sounds cheesy and childish. These three weeks of training have felt almost like a holiday. Rudi has his temper, but he's the closest thing to a normal dad Sam has ever had. And it always surprising him when he sees how the old man has grown fond of him, when he's never seen himself as someone that likeable. In this way, he's much more like Dean than he could have thought before.

 _"I'll be fine Rudi"_ he says, trying to smile. Attentions like this hits him with nostalgia.

Rudi ruffles his hair and adds

_"I won't let you fight alone."_

Sam looks at him, surprised.

_"But you said..."_

Rudi frowns.

_"I know what I said. That I can't see Saskia threatened. But guess what?"_

Sam cuts

_"If she's not here..."_

Rudi gives him a slap at the back of his head, and Sam shouts "Ow!".

_"You big idiot"_

He says, shaking his head.

_"What kind of parent would I be if I let my kids fight alone?"_

Sam isn't sure he has heard correctly.

_"Your..."_

Rudi rolls his eyes.

_"Aren't we slow. Yes, my kids. Sam, you're my apprentice. That makes you pretty much my kid."_

Sam looks at him, and he has trouble hiding the turmoil he's feeling. Rudi continues

_"I told you I couldn't see Saskia threatened, that I was afraid of what I could do... Well I know my daughter, I know she will dive into that battle to help you retrieve your brother. And I won't let either of you get hurt."_

He coughs.

_"Maybe it's time for me to stop being afraid of what I can do and... maybe it's time for me to... grow. As a warlock."_

Sam asks

_"What do you mean?"_

Rudi takes his hand.

_"I mean, I'd like to form my own coven. With you and Saskia."_

A coven. During these last days, Sam spent his evenings reading books about various subjects, included the European History of Magic, and he knows what forming a coven means. It's a bond stronger than family. It's sharing your power and be faithful to one another, for life, and beyond. Asking him to be part of a coven is basically adopting him.

_"Rudi that's uh..."_

_"I know it's a big... thing to handle Sam but... with this incoming battle, we need all the power we can get and uh..."_

He laughs

_"Oh who am I kidding, I like you. You get along well with my daughter, you're a good kid, you're an excellent warlock in training..."_

Sam laughs to, a little embarrassed, and he says

_"Ok. If Saskia agrees..."_

" _She will. Before she went to the other side, she told me she felt really close to you. That it was nice to know someone who had been through exactly the same thing."_

Sam nods.

_"You'll be a much better brother to her than that scumbag Logan Atkins that I would skin like a bunny if he was still alive."_

Sam laughs again.

_"Ok then. When they're back, we'll do the coven spell"_

Rudi gets up and adds

_"And don't worry about your beloved, spouses are automatically made members of the coven."_

Sam lies down laughing and covers his eyes in pretended shame. 

 

He's never felt so happy and so strong in his life. 

 

*** 

 

_"Wait here."_

_"But..."_

_"I said, wait here!"_

Saskia sits on the ground, sulking. You're bossy, she says. And mean. She adds

_"Rick said..."_

And Logan snaps

_"I know what my dad said, but he ain't here is he?"_

When Logan talks about Rick with Saskia, he never calls him "dad", it's always "my dad". As if he wanted to emphasize the fact that he's not, and won't ever be Saskia's. Even if he always compliments her, even if he's alway telling Logan that this little kid is a better hunter at 9 years old that he will ever be. At least i'm not a monster, Logan thinks. Because if his dad wasn't screwing the mother, the offspring would have been dead the minute they saw what she could do. So he's not going to work with her. He's not going to give her all the credit, again.

You're being ridiculous. It's just a kid. You're 23 years old.

Passing thought...

A kid? Yeah right. What kind of kid can put monsters on fire, uh? Her mother says she can't hurt people, but Logan thinks it's just a matter of time before she starts toasting someone. She looks innocent, cute even, but it's just a trick. A trick. And he's the only one who sees it. Well, that's fair to say the others don't like her and her mother. They've all seen what she could do, they've all seen her eyes, her real eyes, the amber ones, and the smile she makes when she burns things. 

His contact told him the werewolf was hiding not far away from here. The little devil is sit on the ground beside the car, playing with pebbles. He doesn't need her to kill a god damn werewolf. No sir.

He silently walks to a nearby wheat field, and crouches, observing a distant light. A fire? Maybe he's camping. Out in the open? What an idiot. After killing three people he should know better.

He scratches his wrist, and feels old scars under his touch. Cigarette burns. When Rick was the alcoholic asshole he still is at heart. Teaming Logan up with a fire demon. Fire. He can't stand it. He's scared of it. He's been burnt too many times, when the old man was angry at him for merely existing. Anger begins to fill his body and he knows it's not good. He should be focusing on his prey, not on his fucked up childhood. It drives him mad when Rick shows her off like a circus monkey. He wants to tell her, he doesn't really like you! He's just an ambitious dick, and you're just a tool! But he ruffles her hair, he calls her sweetheart, and there she is, jumping on his lap and babbling about nonsense. Rick doesn't love anyone except Rick, you idiot.

Kay's just a child Logan! He says. Yeah right. We'll talk about that when she starts burning people. Logan doesn't know what to do with her. She tries to takes his hand and tells him he's like an older brother. Can't she see how much she repells him sometimes? Why does she try to get close? Why does she... Oh fuck.

He heard a noise right behind him, and before he could do anything, he was surrounded with growls and shiny eyes.

Logan didn't expect a whole pack. He thought the werewolf was a loner. Well he was wrong. And now he's screwed. There are 5 weres around him, he managed to kill two, but the others are surrounding him. The fire was a trap, of course it was. And he only brought a stupid shotgun. Well, he won't go without a fight, no he won't. He's prepared to face them, when he hears a young voice yelling " _Over here!_ ".

The little devil is standing a yard away, and she shoots in their direction, missing her target, of course, because the gun is way too big for her. But the werewolves run to her, showing their teeth, certainly thinking " _that's gonna be an easy meal_ ". How wrong of them. She has _that_ look.

They surround the kid, and suddenly - he saw that a thousand times but it is scary every single one - her eyes turn yellow, and start to glow. The air begins to get really hot, and Logan runs to the field, to the car, knowing what's going to happen. He has barely reached the car when a giant fire ball lights up the night. He hears the werewolves screaming. One of them is running away but he's on fire. He collapses.

A few minutes after that, the kid hasn't returned yet. Logan thinks for a second " _Maybe she died this time_ ", and this thought makes him feel...relieved.

_You really are a despicable human being._

He walks to her, and sees her, lying on the ground. She passed out again and half of her clothes is burnt. She has blood on her nose and is barely breathing.

Again.

That's gonna kill her someday. Hopefully.

_She's just a kid for fuck sake._

He picks her up and carries her to the car. Dad wouldn't like if he lost his favorite weapon.

He puts her on the passenger's seat, and fastens her seatbelt. He reluctantly covers her with his jacket, because if she gets sick that's gonna be on him. In her sleep, she holds his jacket with her left hand, and starts sucking on her right thumb. Like a baby.

She's cute, he has to admit it.

The devil is seductive, he repeats to himself. You need to focus on what you know. And what you know is fire isn't a witch power. Don't look at her like she's a normal kid. Maybe she's never even been one. Yes dad made her and her mother drink holy water and it didn't do anything. But still. He doesn't know why he has to take her everywhere he goes since last year, when her crazy mother finished tattooing her. That way she won't be dangerous for anyone she said, that wacko. That trainwreck. That whore. He prefered Lou, and that's saying something. Who tattoos an 8 years old? Why does he care anyway? Take her with you son, teach her to hunt on her own. Yeah right. Like Logan has time to babysit demons.

She saved him tonight. Again.

He's been driving for 3 hours when she wakes up, looking a little disoriented. She still has blood on her face, and she's rubbing it with her little fingers. Her eyes are green again, and a little shiny. Feverish.

_"Where are we Lo?"_

_"On the road. And don't call me that._

_"Sorry. Did I kill them?"_

_"Yes you did."_

He looks angrily at the road.

 _"Are you okay?"_ says Saskia with a little voice. Logan sighes.

_"Yeah."_

She doesn't know what to say, he can see that. He knows she'd like him to say something nice to her. But if she talks to him, he's gonna snap. He always does that, she drives him nuts.  Rick forbid him to touch her so sometimes, when he's really mad, he hits a wall, or his car, or himself. Or he burns his palm with his cigarette. As if he didn't have enough scars, as if he didn't had enough reasons to loathe himself.

_"Thanks."_

She did save him after all.

_"What?"_

_"Thanks...for saving my ass back there."_

Saskia begins to loudly laugh. She's making fun of him?

 _"Why the hell are you laughing?"_ he says, looking really mad.

 _"You said ass_ ", Saskia says, still giggling.

A kid.

A few minutes later, she's back to sleep, still curled up in his jacket. She mumbles things he can't understand, and her hair is falling on her face. Before he can fully think about it, he's tugging it behind her ear, and she makes a little sigh. He laughs.

Moron. He got caught again.

He lights up a cigarette and starts smoking to calm down. Why can't he keep his resolve about her? 

Be strong.

He burns his palm again.

 

_"Aaaah!"_

Logan wakes up, covered in cold sweat. He dreamt about Jager, about... Saskia. Why? Why now? He wasn't even aware he could dream. Since when is he actually able to sleep? And why is Andras staring at him like the freak he is?

 _"Please don't tell me you were watching me sleep?"_ he says, already annoyed.

The blond boy smiles

_"I was! You fell asleep in the arena, I carried you on this bed. I felt like I deserved a reward."_

Logan thinks that if he touched him in his sleep he's gonna torture him. Or not. He might like it.

_"Well thanks, I guess."_

Andras gets up and says, with a coy look

_"You were adorable. Who were you dreaming about?"_

Logan is going to mumble a not-of-ya-business, but he sees in Andras eyes that he knows.

_"You know who. I just don't know how you do."_

Andras rolls his eyes

_"Who wouldn't know, after years spent in Hell, about the infamous lost child of Azazel?"_

Logan jerks

_"What?"_

Andras looks genuinely surprised.

_"You mean you don't know?"_

Logan doesn't know what to answer and Andras begins to laugh.

_"That, my dear, is absolutely priceless."_

He continues

_"Azazel had this great plan of conceiving a child who would lead his legions on Earth, and who would be, ultimately, his vessel."_

Logan frowns. Azazel, the demon from the Bible? Is Andras serious?

_"One day, there was that one witch whose newborn and husband were murdered and who turned to a dark coven to resurrect her babe"_

That would be Ellen.

_"Azazel saw that as a great occasion, and he brought the child back to life, with his blood. He thought she was going to be his masterpiece but..."_

He sits back on Logan's bed, faking a sad look.

_"The baby put the house on fire and was killed with her mother. Except..."_

He smiles.

_"Except that wasn't true."_

Logan finally manages to speak

_"How the Hell do you know that?"_

Andras raises an eyebrow

_"Call that... Hell Radio? I heard it from Agares who heard it from I don't remember who, who absolutely hated Azazel and didn't want to see him succeed."_

Logan feels a little... satisfied. He was right. She was indeed a demon.

_"We kept the secret. And when we were told about your story, how you were killed by a fire throwing witch, we kind of connected the dots."_

His story. He doesn't want to hear it through Andras's mouth. The boy gets closer to him.

_"How was it?"_

Logan gets defensive

_"How was what?"_

Andras smiles

_"To have a slave?"_

Logan remembers how he used to chain her, after Rick died. So she wouldn't escape, so she wouldn't be a threat to others. He made her work for the group, a lot. She was a way to avoid casualties, she was his best weapon. She was...

_"I've always wanted to have one."_

Andras continues, and the lust in his tone makes Logan want to punch him. It was never about... Oh God. 

_"The feeling of power the... grip you have... and someone's life and the fact... they totally depend on you to survive, that... that would make me get off..."_

He says, lying on the bed like a cat, still staring intensely at Logan who's feeling sick. Yes it was about that. About power, about control. And his overwhelming hate for his father.

_"And when she grew up..."_

Andras smiles again, greedily, visibly turned on by the story. When she grew up. He started to notice her. How strikingly beautiful she was. The others said she was plain, not very noticeable. But he saw it, when she walked in a room, she eclipsed everyone, she...

_"I would have done exactly the same"_

Andras said, rolling on his side. That's precisely the problem.

_"Too bad she didn't enjoyed it. I did. I've been owned."_

Logan looks at him, in complete confusion.

_"You can't tell me you enjoyed it."_

Andras makes his scary laugh again.

_"Well I did. I enjoyed every minute of it. I begged him for it in the end. I begged him to tie me up, gag me and..."_

Logan cuts

_"Stop."_

Andras frowns, puzzled, and Logan says, with an unsteady voice

_"That was a crime."_

He coughs

_"What I did. It was a crime. Whatever... whoever she was."_

Andras laughs again

_"I never said it wasn't darling. I just said it turns me on."_

Logan looks at him and is hit by a wave of deep sadness. This boy, man, creature... was destroyed. Sold to a demon who abused him for decades, who turned him into that crazy psycho with a torture kink. Who was he, before he was broken into a million pieces? 

Even with all his hate and anger, Logan always knew what he did was wrong. That he would pay, someday. And he did. He died the worst possible way for someone afraid of fire. And he ended up here, with the likes of him. Except...

_"I'm not like you."_

Andras stops smiling

_"I know you think we're alike and you know what, maybe we are. But I won't..."_

He breathes in

_"I won't let you try to convince me this is right"_

Andras gets up and pushes him against the wall, whispering close to his mouth

_"Don't you understand? There's no right or wrong. We're beyond that."_

Logan tries to push him away but his grip is strong.

_"You liked it. You liked forcing yourself on her, didn't you?"_

Logan wants to say no, but it would be lie. He had taken some coke. And yeah, it felt good to be... in control. For a moment. After that he went to throw up behind the motel and drank all the booze he could find to erase what had just happened and her look. Her fear, her anger... He called her at night and humiliated her, as if it could... somehow justify...

_"You liked making her feel like the worthless worm she was, didn't you? Like you could crush her under your boot if you wanted, but you were too merciful to..."_

Andras has slid one of his legs between Logan's.

_"You're just like me."_

And he lightly kisses Logan.

This is a turning point. This is the moment he decides what kind of person he wants to be. He's already doomed, he's already a Knight of Hell.

Does he let him continue?

Slide his hands wherever he wants to, because after all he's been craving for some contact these last years?

Does he let him drag him down with him?

 

 

***

_"We're attacking tonight"_

A crowd of angels cheers for the Faithful's Leader, all dressed in white.

_"Tonight is the night we free our rightful leader. Tonight is the night we restore Heaven to its former glory."_

Gadriel takes Hannah's hand. Castiel isn't back yet. They're all gonna die.

 


	21. Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for mention of sexual violence!
> 
> Thanks for still being here! I'm happy to see the story still gets views and kudos, it's really heart warming :)

_"Where's Castiel?"_

The moment the group stepped out of the portal Vivian had created for them, the angel vanished in thin air. Saskia and Kevin felt a little dizzy, but the feeling soon disappeared when they realized the angel was missing.

_"I'm calling Rudi"_

Says Saskia, walking towards the library while Kevin begins to look for Cas who's nowhere to be found. She turns on her phone, and when she sees the date, she can't repress a "Holy fuck!". Apparently they've been gone for three weeks, when in Avalon it only felt like one day. 

 _"He's not here"_ says Kevin, looking a little worried, when suddenly, they hear steps in the hallway. Charlie has arrived, and sooner than expected. 

Before she can say anything Saskia asks

_"Charlie, how long have you been in Oz?"_

The redhead takes some time to think and says

_"Uh... Six to seven months? I think... They have a different way of counting time so..."_

Saskia rolls her eyes

_"Dammit Hartfeld!"_

And dials Rudi's number. After a few seconds, Rudi picks up and Saskia hears a very relieved

_"Thank God!"_

On the other side of the line. He was worried, of course he was, and Saskia's anger instantly vanishes. Rudi explains to her what happened to Cas, that he took his vessel with him and Sam so they could watch over him while they were gone.

 _"He's awake now sweetheart, don't worry."_ says her father, adding Sam is fine too, and that as a matter of fact, they've just had a conversation about them being gone for so long.

_"What the Hell happened? How's Heaven and everything?"_

Rudi sighes 

_"I don't really know. Either I did something wrong, or the Fae who sent you back did."_

Saskia laughs

_"Rudi, you're talking about a ages old Fae. You did something wrong, admit it."_

Rudi coughs, and after a few seconds he says

_"Well, we have no proof of this, have we? Anyway it doesn't matter, it gave me time to tattoo and train Sam, Heaven is more or less fine, for now, and tell Kevin to call his mom before she calls me again. She's already called me three times today and I don't know what to tell her anymore. She just yells at me."_

As Saskia's just put the phone on speaker, Kevin burst out laughing and begins to dial his mother's number. Linda must be crazy worried.

_"Sam, Cas and I are coming in a few, just the time for us to pack."_

Rudi hangs up and Saskia sits down, chuckling. That guy is priceless. Charlie awkwardly sits close to her and says

_"Uh, would you mind giving me a little heads up?"_

Saskia smiles.

_"Of course not. Anything you want."_

She doesn't know precisely why, but she likes Charlie. She looks like the girl friend she never had. When she was a hunter, the other girls were afraid of her, and Rick's ex, Lou, hated her and her mother. And in North Kingston, she was absolutely unable to chit chat, she didn't know what subjects girls liked to talk about, and she always felt like they thought she was weird. Which was probably true. Normal people don't spend their afternoons practicing juggling with a butterfly knife. So she apologizes for not welcoming her properly, before telling her everything she wants to know.

In the cabin, Castiel is confused to hear his vessel remained on Earth while he was in Avalon, but is relieved to hear Rudi put Jimmy to sleep while he was away.

_"I figured the poor guy wouldn't like to wake up in the middle of that mess"_

Says the warlock, while packing a few clothes. Castiel nods

_"You took the right decision. Any news from Heaven?"_

Sam answers for Rudi

_"Gadriel and Hannah called several times, the last time was three days ago. They seemed pretty... anxious I'd say, but they wouldn't tell me anything."_

Castiel frowns.

_"Why?"_

Sam wants to reply, "I don't know, they're angels", but seeing Castiel's face, now is not the time.

_"They said they wanted to talk to you and only to you."_

The angel looks even more concerned, and Sam adds

_"They know I was stuck here training. I guess they didn't want me to worry Cas."_

Sam know it's certainly not the reason why they refused to disclose anything, angels not being the most caring people around, but Cas looks like someone who's been hit by a bus. Who knows what he learnt back there in Fairy Land.

Cas stutters.

_"H..how do you... feel... Sam?"_

Sam smiles

_"I feel good. I feel ready."_

Rudi laughs

_"We don't know that yet kid."_

He turns to Castiel

_"I couldn't have him training on actual demons, Cas, I didn't want to raise the King's attention, or his brother's."_

Cas nods appreciatively.

_"I would have done the same my friend."_

Rudi grins

_"Yeah well, we'll see that on the battlefield if that was such a good idea, but I'm fairly confident."_

Sam laughs

_"Well that's surprising."_

Castiel looks at them both and is stunned by Sam's visible... happiness? He's never seen him like this, not ever since he met him. Maybe Rudi was right about Sam's powers, maybe he did need them. 

Rudi pats Sam on the back and calls him an airhead for forgetting things in the living room. Sam laughs again.

No, it's not this. At least not entirely. Sam simply needed someone to rely on. A parent. A friend. And the warlock is that for him. He wonders what Dean would think of this. If he would be happy for his brother, or... if he would feel let down. Forgotten. It's been a long time since they last talked about him. Since they last heard about him. The last time they did, it was to hear terrifying tales about the bloodthirsty wing man of the King of Hell. Is the Dean they all know still... alive? Is there a way they can get him back?

Does Sam still care? 

He shakes his head. Of course Sam cares. He's being unfair.

He misses Dean.

He misses his friend, and if there is something eating him from the inside it's the idea that he might be obliged to fight him soon.

 

***

 

_"Guess what mate? Our feathery friends are attacking tonight!"_

Crowley feels great. His informant told him the Faithful were going to attack, and that they had totally bought this loophole thing he completely made up. They're already picturing themselves being led by their rightful leader in a shiny armor, and frankly, this is hilarious. The whole situation is hilarious. And it is, as Dean would say, awesome. Though he doesn't say it now. 

He's sulking.

As usual.

_"Are your knights ready?"_

Dean raises an eyebrow. At least, he takes his job seriously, not that he has a choice, but he does. He drinks a sip of bourbon and says

_"They are."_

And goes back to his drink.Crowley sighs _  
_

_"Care to give me some more details?"_

While Dean is finishing his drink. The hunter scratches the Mark on his arm, a little lost in his thoughts, and he replies

_"Well Kimaris did an excellent job. She and Katrina trained their legions perfectly."_

Crowley nods

_"I'm not surprised. Alastair was an idiot for locking her up."_

Dean asks

_"Why did he?"_

Crowley shrugs his shoulders

_"For what I know, he blamed her when Lucifer was locked in the Cage. She used to be his personal... bodyguard?"_

He pours himself another drink

_"She's certainly still faithful to Luci so I hope she knows who she works for now..."_

Dean rolls his eyes and Crowley pretends he didn't see. He insists, saying

_"It's important she does. "_

Dean mutters

_"I guess"_

Crowley taps his glass with his fingernails. The whole situation is so awkward it's borderline depressing.

_"And what about the others?"_

Dean breathes out heavily

_"Agares is a psycho. His legions are like... the Hannibal Lecter's version of Caesar's army."_

Crowley nods.

_"Andras is equally a nutjob, but that guy Logan has kind of a good influence on him. I heard he used to be a hunter?"_

Crowley answers

_"Apparently so."_

Dean asks

_"So how did he end up in Hell?"_

Crowley smirks

_"You didn't read you recruits' resume did you Dean? T-t-t..."_

Because he thought he would get rid of Crowley before he had to form his team, that poor naive creature, thinks the King.

_"Logan Atkins, son of Rick Atkins, one of your father's... colleagues?"_

Dean knows that name. He heard it somewhere but he can't remember when or where.

_"He...fancied some witch girl. Used her as his slave."_

Crowley sees Dean's eye widen, he's not used yet at being a demon, that's adorable. He looks genuinely shocked to hear one of his fellow hunter could be like this.

_"Apparently she could cast fire on anything except humans. Until the day she was able to. She, Atkins and all their group burnt. And that's how he arrived here."_

Dean is biting the inside of his cheeks to conceal his anger. He perfectly knows who Crowley's talking about. Saskia Jager. The witch he met two years ago in Rhode Island. Crowley doesn't seem to know she's alive, and most importantly, that she's one of Azazel's children, like Sam. It means that son of a bitch is the one who tortured her and raped her because he thought she was a monster. If someone had done just ten percent of this to Sammy, he would have ripped his lungs out.

Sam... How long has it been since the last time they saw each other? Since the last time he heard about him? Meg said he was nowhere to be found, and that's a good thing, it means he doesn't go out of the bunker, that he stays safe. He wonders sometimes what Sam would think of his plan, and he's pretty sure he would disapprove. Not that he can blame him. He was right to worry about the Blade, he was right about... pretty much everything. But if becoming the King means he can destroy Hell for good, then he has to do it. 

He needs to succeed, he needs to overthrow the Scot. He needs to get his revenge.

_"That's going pretty well"_

Said Meg the other day, when Dean asked her how her lobbying for him was going. She became friend - well as much as two demons can become friends - with Katrina and Kimaris, and asked him to visit their arena several times. Dean followed her advise and praised their work. He couldn't help but notice it was excellent. The soldiers seemed loyal and well trained, they even mentioned not being tortured even once. 

As it appears, they're both looking for a leader with, as Kimaris put it " _a strong sense of justice and loyalty_ ". Dean just had to subtly pretend that in the end, he was ready to hand the Crown to its rightful owner to gain an approving nod from the fallen angel. 

It was harder with Agares. Firstly because he absolutely loathes that snake. He knew exactly how he had trained his Legions, and who he had recruited. He couldn't help but realize the guy seemed completely at ease surrounded by former serial killers, nazis and KKK members. Secondly, because Agares is the kind to be bought, and Meg had to promise him things Dean was very reluctant to give.

_"I can't let him roam free on Earth Meg, I can't promise that to that sociopath. You heard what he did when it happened the last time."_

Meg sighed. 

_"This is realpolitik Deano. You promise stuff. Then you don't keep your promises. You just have to convince him you're on his side. When you're King, you'll just kill him."_

That was a more pleasant perspective, and Dean put on a real show, enough to make Agares clap his hands with excitement. If Dean had been able to throw up, he would have.

The last one he has to talk about is Andras, and frankly, after learning those things about Atkins, he really doesn't feel like it. The moment he's out of Crowley's office, he's going to call Meg.

He really need one of her demonic motivational speeches.

 

***

Andras's lips are on his.

Ok.

First he's not gay. Or is he? Anyway, that guy looks more like a girl than a ...

_"Stop."_

He spoke? Well obviously he did because Andras has stopped, and he is looking at him with a... distraught stare.

_"I don't... understand you..."_

He says, almost whispering. Logan walks back to the couch he was sleeping on a few minutes ago and sits. Andras rubs his eyes almost violently, raising his voice _  
_

_"You like your guilt, don't you Logan?"_

What guilt? Until very recently he didn't feel guilty. At least consciously. 

_"You think you're better than us? You think you're better than me?"_

Logan frowns

_"Andras, that's not about you. That's about what I did."_

The boy starts laughing, but there's something broken in his laugh, something almost painful.

_"You did NOTHING to her. NOTHING! Why can't you see that? You just laid with her once!"_

He laughs again

_"I know it's a entire different era than the one I was born in but still!"_

He pauses, and then takes a contemptuous gaze

_"If you're so haunted by petty things like this, how can you be deemed to be one of us?"_

Logan whispers

_"It's not an honor..."_

And Andras turns around

 _"I hope this is a joke",_ he yells, _"we are the Knights of Hell! We are the most powerful demons on this Earth and you..."_ he walks to Logan and grabs the collar of his jacket, obviously furious,  _"you think it's not an honor?"_

Logan gently grabs Andras's wrist and says

_"I ended up here because I hated everyone. Myself, my father, other humans, all the non-human creatures. Because I was madly jealous with a child who was fifteen years younger than me. Because I..."_

He sees a glimpse of... what is that? in Andras's eyes.

 _"I beat her"_ he says, locking his eyes in the boy's,  _"I starved her. I chained her in my RV. I insulted her. I didn't care if she was sick. I used her as a tool. And..."_

Is that humanity?

_"At night, when I was drunk enough, or drugged enough, I came to her. Complaining about my life, asking her to listen to me and then... I did to her exactly what my dad did to me when I was a kid."_

He rolls up one of his sleeves

_"I burnt her arm with my cigarette, and you wanna know what Rick did to me when he was drunk?"_

Andras bites his lip and doesn't say a word. Logan has never said that to anybody, he has actually spent his entire existence denying it ever happened.

_"He came to my bed at night, after my mom died. Happened several times. And when he stopped drinking, he asked me to forgive him. He asked me to move on, so we could be a family again."_

He laughs bitterly

_"I said yes, because I had no one else. And he told me he was sorry, that it was the booze's fault, that the booze was like this... demon, making him do things."_

Andras slowly sits on the floor in front of Logan.

_"I was fourteen years old. My mother died when I was nine. He was drunk pretty much all the time. That makes a whole lotta nights. And every single time, he finished by burning my arms, my thighs, my..."_

Logan doesn't look at Andras anymore, he's buried deep in his memories, and now that he's started talking, he needs to let it out.

_"He said I had my mom's eyes. He said "you see what you do to me?". And I forgave him because I had no one else, because I was too weak to run away. Didn't stop him from beating me like a dog when I disrespected him."_

He closes his eyes for a moment

_"That's where I come from. And I did all those things to her. I took my revenge on her, because he was treating her like a normal kid. Because he..."_

It's becoming hard.

_"Because he would have never touched her."_

He opens his eyes again, and Andras looks like a rag doll, his eyes lost.

 _"So no, I don't think I'm better than you. But I didn't..."_ it's even hard to pronounce,  _"I didn't enjoy what Rick put me through. I didn't enjoy being his thing. So how could she..."_

Andras gets up and starts walking around the room, talking with an almost childish voice, his gaze still unsteady.

_"He's certainly here."_

Logan looks at him, a little worried.

_"Who?"_

Andras stops walking and raises his head, and he looks suddenly extremely young, not more than fifteen.

_"Your father?"_

He's never thought about this... He's still Rick's soldier in so many ways. He hadn't even considered what he had done to him could lead him straight to Hell. He nods. Andras continues

_"If he did... what you say he did... he's here."_

He really looks strange, so strange that Logan grabs his shoulder and shakes him gently.

_"I don't care if he is, okay? He's dead, he's been dead for a long time now."_

Andras walks to the door and says, with a dull tone

_"I'll be out for a moment, stay here, I heard the Master plans on visiting us today."_

Logan opens his mouth but before he can say anything, Andras cuts him and says

_"I like him. I'm loyal to him. I trust you to answer for both of us."_

And he walks out the room, leaving Logan speechless.

 

Andras walks instinctively, not even thinking about where he's going. He knows where. He knows exactly where. He's been a prisoner long enough. Demons bow when they see him and clear the way. That's a good thing. He's not in the mood to be disturbed.

The door to Hell's Cells still look the same. Old, rusty, dreadful. It excites him a bit to cross it again, but he feels somehow relieved to know he can cross it back whenever he wants.

When he opens the door, he takes his most seductive tone and whispers

_"I heard you liked them young?"_

The guy in front of him is wearing flannels and a pair of jeans.

He smiles.

He won't smile for long when he sees Andras's knives.

 

***

 

When he sees Saskia, Sam almost runs to her and hugs her close. He would like to have enough words to tell her how grateful he is for everything she brought to him, but can't find anything spirited to say. It's so nice to be back home, to see the whole... Scooby Gang reunited. Castiel has picked up Linda who's passionately listening to Kevin's rendition of his adventure in Oz, Rudi and Cas are talking like old friends and even Charlie came to help. If Dean was there it would be just...

_"Easy Gigantor..."_

Says Saskia, laughing. She's gently patting his back, and Sam lets her go, still holding her hands. He manages to whisper a shy thank you before hearing Linda say

_"Kids, angels, wizards, it's almost noon, I brought some Udons, what if we all had a nice lunch before getting back to work?"_

Sam sees Kevin grabbing Saskia's arm saying "I'm staaaarving!", quickly followed by Charlie. Rudi pats Sam's shoulder before walking to the kitchen, and Sam tells him he's coming in a minute. He thinks he's alone when he feels Castiel's hand on his arm.

 _"You're not hungry Sam?"_ he says, and Sam turns around, his eyes filled with tears.

 _"What's wrong?"_ asks the angel.

 _"I wish Dean could see this"_ he says.  _"I wish he could see he has... we have... a family."_

Castiel carefully hugs Sam and says, softly.

_"Soon."_

Hoping they don't lose more friends in the incoming battle.

 

 

 

 


	22. Voici l'Orage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: violence/implied sexual violence/Agares being a psychopath

In the Bunker's kitchen, the silence is quite heavy. Saskia and Kevin have just finished telling everyone what they learnt about God, and it's fair to say that it was like dropping a nuclear bomb in the middle of Linda's udons.

_"Uh... something is bugging me guys..."_

Says Charlie, breaking the awkward silence. Everybody turns to her and she explains

_"You said your were led to Avalon by uh... God, basically, right?"_

Saskia and Kevin nod, not really understanding where she's going.

_"Vivian said she wanted to see him brought to justice, she said he was dangerous, that they were enemies... pretty much."_

Saskia frowns and adds

_"So why would he lead us to her? That's what's bugging you"_

Charlie grins

_"Yeah! Exactly!"_

And then looks embarrassed.

_"I know I'm not helping but uh... I really don't want us to dive in that God hunt without knowing where we're going."_

Sam smiles at her and says

_"Well, the tablets were hidden in the Earth's Vaults, so they were not made to be read by anyone, at least not now. Maybe God wrote those in case the situation would go out of control?"_

Saskia continues

_"Yeah. Vivian is a really powerful fairy, right Charlie?"_

Charlie nods

_"Oh yeah. There were never any dark witch in Ys, and there's a good reason why, they feared her. "_

Kevin asks

_"So... why did this war went on for so long then?"_

Charlie rolls her eyes

_"Well as depressing as it may seem... because of politics. Avalon is an ensemble of kingdoms ruled by Oberon, but every kingdom is independent and has its own form of government. Vivian is the one and only queen of Ys, when Oz was governed by a group of witches and wizards."_

She eats some pastas and when she raises her head, she notices everybody is carefully listening to her

_"So uh... Vivian basically smote the dark witches without asking for anyone's point of view when in Oz they were at first accepted in the Council which led to them taking over and everything."_

Rudi laughs and with a very heavy german accent says

_"I rrreally like zis Fifian."_

The whole group laughs and Sam says

 _"Shoot first, ask question later, she could be a pretty good hunter.",_ and then more seriously, he adds, _"if God wrote in his tablet to seek for Vivian's help, it means he had anticipated it would get ugly, that someday he would need someone with that kind of power, and that kind of mercilessness."_

Linda speaks for the first time

_"So why didn't he do it earlier?"_

Castiel, who's been silent since they arrived says

_"Because of his pride? Because he thought he could handle it all by himself... with his power, his knowledge... Because he thought he could somehow make things better until he realized he couldn't?"_

Rudi smiles at the angel, understanding who he's really talking about

_"He resurrected you my friend, you and Gadriel. It means he thinks you can handle it."_

Castiel replies coldly

_"He's wrong."_

Before vanishing in thin air. After all, Gadriel and Hannah must be impatiently waiting for him.

Yay.

 

***

 

Dean is walking to Andras and Logan's quarters, and despite the conversation he's just had with Meg, he still feels like cutting Logan's head off. Meg is right though, this is Hell. Literally. He's surrounded by demons. He is one. And there are some who are much much worse than Atkins around. And some, like Kimaris and Katrina, who seem completely out of place in that environment. 

 _"That's because you don't end up in Hell only out of being... evil, Dean"_ explained Meg.  _"You get here for a fuckton of different reasons. The thing we all have in common is anger, though. Anger and revenge."_

Dean shook his head. He missed the days when demons were not their usual gig. Now everything is blurry and complicated. Some angels are utter dicks, some demons are not that evil... Damn...

Fortunately, there's an infinite amount of bourbon down there, probably Crowley's idea to make him feel at home. He can't get drunk, but at least he can try.

 _"Were you? Angry I mean?"_ he asked Meg, while drinking another glass.

Meg was startled by his question. Dean and her were old enemies, and right now, they were only collaborating out of their common hate for the Scot. And maybe also because of Clarence. Spending weeks with him in that mental institution changed her to a point she can't even describe. It was like waking up from a very, very long nightmare. He saw something in her she thought had disappeared centuries ago.

 _"Yeah... yeah I was."_ she muttered, and after a few seconds of silence, Dean said

_"I've never asked you... how you ended up here"_

His voice was calm, and he seems pensive. Meg wondered why he needed to know that now, especially now they should get prepared for battle. He was not facing her, almost completely lied down in one of those comfy Mad Men armchairs Crowley liked so much.

Meg breathed in.

It wasn't that she was ashamed of who she used to be. Well. She was... no one then. 

_"I was um... sacrificed."_

She said, a little embarrassed. She didn't like to think about her helpless days, she preferred to invent stories about her being the devil's spawn or some kind of powerful and evil witch who ate children for breakfast. That was badass, that was impressive. Not being chosen by druids to have your blood shed on a sacred stone.

_"For the harvest."_

Dean turned and faced her, as if to encourage her to continue. Meg poured herself a drink, and tried to keep on looking carefree.

_"Not quite the story you were expecting huh?"_

Dean frowned. Indeed, no, it wasn't.

_"I died angry. And that sacrifice was basically...selling my soul. To Azazel. That's how I met him. Now you know everything."_

The hunter muttered

_"No. Not everything. What's your real name?"_

Meg sighed

_"I've had many."_

She looked at her boss and saw he wouldn't be satisfied by this.

_"Meara."_

Dean raised an eyebrow

_"Meara?"_

Meg laughed

_"What? It means sea, I used to live by the sea, nothing to... see here Dean."_

Dean smilesdat the pun

_"You can stick to Meg, it's been my name long enough."_

He put his drink back on the table

_"There's also something I'd like to know. How did you survive? Crowley said he had killed you."_

Meg got up and said

_"He can't kill me. A part of my soul is locked here. Whatever happens, if it's not freed, I'll always come back right here."_

She got closer to Dean

_"That's why I need you to destroy this place Dean. I want to die for good."_

Dean didn't understand

_"What do you mean you're stuck here?"_

Meg sit on the ground

_"All the people who were sold to demons, or who made deals are stuck in Hell. When you sell your soul, or when it's sacrificed, it's kept here, in Hell's Vaults."_

Dean frowned. He'd never heard that before.

_"But... My Dad he....And I.."_

Meg sighed

_"You and your dad were never... amputated... of your soul. You needed to be corrupted to achieve what Azazel wanted."_

Dean nodded

_"Why keeping those souls?"_

Meg pouted

_"To keep us here? The first thing anyone who's been sold would do, the minute he can go out would be trying to get killed. Those contracts are made to be forever Dean. Crowley didn't know how I became a demon, he genuinely thought he had killed me before he realized he hadn't and that I could be of some use."_

Dean asked

_"What use?"_

Meg shrugged

_"Dunno. Maybe he just wanted to torture me some more, maybe... I really don't know Dean."_

Dean got up

_"I'll do it."_

Meg turned to him

_"Do what?"_

_"Free you? I'll free us. All of us who need to be freed."_

Meg made a little half smile.

_"My hero."_

***

 

_"You don't want to cure them?"_

Hannah is speaking really low but she's angry. She was so relieved when she saw Castiel back in his office, and so glad to hear he had something to temporarily cure them that when he said he wanted to let the Faithful go to battle with fading Graces disappointment hit her hard.

_"It means they're going to get slaughtered Castiel, I hope you realize."_

Gadriel says

_"Can we really afford... more casualties Castiel?"_

Castiel turns to him and says, harshly

_"Can we afford to have Michael and Lucifer out?"_

Hannah heavily sits on a chair. He's right. They need to fight to prove they're united, but they definitely need to lose this fight or the world will drown in another Apocalypse. Gadriel replies

_"I saw... my past... Castiel. In the archives room. I saw... who Lucifer, or Enki, whatever his name used to be, was. And he wasn't evil. Don't you think that maybe, just maybe, he could have been... tricked? Into believing he was a monster, into remembering things he's supposed to have done?"_

Castiel frowns

_"Maybe. But we didn't find a way to restore our memories did we?"_

Hannah shakes her head.

_"And we all saw Michael in action when he was our Commander. Gadriel, I'm not saying your hypothesis is wrong, I'm saying that for now, Michael and Lucifer are the way we've always known them, and that if they're freed, it's going to be the end of the world."_

Gadriel asks

_"Yes but do you really think we can win? I mean with our graces replenished? We're talking about the Knights of Hell's Legion here..."_

Hannah adds

_"I don't think you realize how outnumbered we are. Plus now I know who the Knights are, I don't know all of them, but I know two very well. Meg Masters, Agares and Kimaris."_

Castiel knew about Meg but she never told them who were the others. He mutters

_"No... How Dean..."_

How Dean could have chosen them? They're extremely, extremely dangerous. Kimaris used to command Lucifer's Legions before he was locked in the Cage. He's never met her, but he knows she's an very talented tactician. And Agares is one of the cruelest young demons. Born a human a little bit more than two thousand years ago, and who climbed up Hell's social ladder very quickly, out of his outstanding cruelty.

If Dean has chosen them, it means... It means he wants to win.

Hannah sees he's troubled and she says

_"Maybe Crowley chose them."_

Knowing he didn't, her informant were quite clear.

_"But my point is, Commander, that we need to unite, and we need to avoid losing too many people."_

Gadriel asks

_"Will Sam, Saskia and her father help?"_

Castiel answers

_"They will focus on capturing Dean. They need to go close enough so they will certainly have to fight. But I don't think they will be there to help us."_

Gadriel nods and Hannah asks

_"Will you?"_

Castiel looks at her, a little hurt. She repeats

_"Will you fight against Dean Winchester?"_

The angel closes his eyes and sighs

_"Let's heal our people"_

 ***

 

Agares is humming an old french song while walking in the long hallways of Hell's Cells.

_Il pleut, il pleut, bergère, rentre tes blancs moutons_

If it lacks something in Hell, it's some innocence. It's so lovely, so delicate. The last time he was on Earth, young girls were raised in delightful little convents, out of the world and they only got out to get married, still unaware of how children were made.

They were shy. And pale. And fragile like porcelain.

_Rentrons dans ma chaumière, bergère vite allons._

It was a indescribable pleasure to play with them. Their eyes widening with fear. Their supplications. Their screams... Red blood on white skin... He sighs. There's no way he will ever find that in Hell. He needs to go back to Earth. He needs to make deals again. And if the Master becomes King, well maybe he will.

_J’entends sur le feuillage, l’eau qui tombe à grand bruit_

Maybe the Marquis is in Hell too, who knows. They did have a lot of fun together, before Alastair decided to lock him down here and leave him to rot. Not that he didn't enjoy it. It was after all, a nice change. He used to be the one chaining and torturing others, and you should always get a taste of your own medicine.

Delicious. Obviously.

Suddenly, he hears a very familiar voice singing

_Voici, voici l’orage ; voilà l’éclair qui luit._

It's Andras. Covered in blood from head to toe, leaning on a wall, eyes closed. Charming boy, darling boy. Best deal of all. The epitome of innocence. His voice sounded like crystal when he screamed in pain. And when he finally said yes...

Agares walks to him and whispers

_"You were bored I suppose my sweet..."_

Andras opens his eyes, and for a moment, Agares is sure he's seen hate in his eyes. But he smiles and then nudges his face on Agares's shoulder, mumbling

_"Yes... so bored, so bored, so bored..."_

Agares curls the boy's hair in his fingers and says

_"You have been a bad boy? Haven't you?"_

Andras gets a little stiff but Agares doesn't notice, that's a dialog they had a thousand times and Andras is supposed to know his lines.

_"When was the last time you were punished?"_

He says, now pulling Andras's hair and tilting his head back. Andras catches his wrist and shoves it away, still smiling, but with something hard in his eyes. He playfully answers

 _"Not today_ mon amour,  _the Master is expecting me"_

Agares crosses his arms, looking incredulously at his former pet. It's the first time he ever refuses. And he's walking away. From him. Casually.

He grabs the boy's neck and smashes him on a wall, hissing between his teeth

_"Who do you belong to?"_

Fear. At last.

_"You... I belong to you..."_

Stutters Andras, feeling Agares's hands on his...

_"You see? It remembers."_

Andras smiles seductively and says

_"Yes it does..."_

Agares smirks and drags him to an empty cell. It's not because he cut his leash once that he's not his puppy anymore.

He needs to remember his place. Knight or not.

Sweet, sweet boy.

***

 

  _"We're attacking tonight."_

Castiel is back in the bunker, and he really kills the mood. Everyone was comfortably sit in the library with steaming cups of coffee when he barged into the room announcing the battle was happening in six hour.

Sam turns to Rudi and asks

_"Are we... ready?"_

And the warlock smiles

_"In a few minutes, we'll be."_

He turns to Saskia

_"Saskia-love? I want to form a coven with you and Sam, what do you say?"_

Saskia chokes on her coffee 

_"I say you could have mentioned that earlier Hartfeld"_

Sam looks suddenly embarrassed, and Saskia gets up and hugs him, laughing

_"I have nothing to wear! We won't even be able to celebrate it properly!"_

Sam laughs, relieved, and Saskia continues

 _"You Germans... Always thinking about_ arbeit _and nothing else."_

Rudi hugs her, whispering I'm so proud of you in her ear, and he turns to Sam saying in a grin

_"Let's start!"._


	23. Covens and Legions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for still being here.
> 
> So everybody is now ready for the battle... I wonder what's going to happen next... :D

Sam would like Dean to see this. They are all standing in a little grove, in the forest nearby the bunker, and there is an atmosphere of serenity and solemnity that he has never experience in any church.

Saskia has drawn a symbol on the ground with white chalk dust, a triangle, with little circles at every angle. She has put a candle in each an circled the whole thing with an Ouroboros. Then she draws another triangle inside the first one, but reversed. This symbol means after the ceremony, they will share everything, it has even power by itself. When Sam focuses on it, he can see the powder glow a little, and glow even more when Rudi puts a quartz crystal pyramid in the middle of the little triangle.

He has told him to keep silent about his relationship with Dean. Saying that it would trigger bad memories. You saw her life, he said, you know who I'm talking about. And Sam nodded, saying he would tell her later. On a strictly strategic point of view, Rudi's right. Saskia can't fight distraught. But Sam feels like he's betraying the trust she put in him, even if Rudi assured him of the contrary. 

_"It's ready."_

She says, placing herself in one of the circles. Sam slowly walks towards her, soon joined by Rudi, and they all take hands. 

Rudi begins to chant an incantation in Latin. It's happening.

 

***

 

_"What on Earth happened to you?"_

Andras is back in Logan and his quarters, and he's covered in blood. He crashes on a couch and says with a dull tone

_"Did the Master come?"_

Logan looks at him. Some of the blood is definitely his, he has cuts on his forearms, apparently quite deep, his neck is bruised, and so is his upper lip.

_"You've been attacked?"_

The boy gets up and walks aggressively towards Logan until he's way too close.

_"You're not answering my question."_

Logan rolls his eyes, saying that yes, he came with his second in command. That he asked him if they were loyal to him and ready to join his banner if he was making a pledge to be the new King.

_"Since you told me you were loyal to him, I said yes."_

Andras stares at him for a moment and whispers  _"good",_ before going back to his couch.

_"The angels attack tonight. We need to get ready for the fight."_

The blond boy doesn't answer, he's too busy staring at the blood stains on his clothes. Logan walks slowly and sits next to him. Andras mutters

_"Your girl is dead..."_

Logan frowns

_"What?"_

Andras turns to him, and stares at him with his innocent/creepy face

_"I did a location spell the other day when I told you I'd find her for you, you remember?"_

Logan nods

_"Well she's dead, I'm sorry."_

The hunter is a little confused

_"Why are you sorry?"_

Andras sighs

_"Because I told you I would bring her to you, and I can't do it. You won't have your revenge. The only child of Azazel left is the Master's brother and I doubt he'd let you kill him."_

He says, shrugging his shoulders. Logan is a little shocked. He had never considered Saskia could be dead. Maybe she died in that fire she made, maybe they both died that night. And since she's not here... He laughs, holding his face in his hands and Andras asks why, in a puzzled voice.

_"All my life I thought she was a demon... and now looks who's in Hell and who's in Heaven."_

Andras laughs

_"Heaven is boring."_

Logan opens his eyes

_"Seriously though, what happened to you?"_

Andras tilts his head

_"Why do you want to know?"_

Logan frowns

_"Because you're hurt?"_

The boy smiles, but his eyes are cold

_"I'm not. I just played with Agares."_

Logan rises and kicks a chair

_"You need to stay away from him, you understand?"_

Andras gets up and comes close to him, still smiling

_"Why? Are you jealous?"_

Logan holds his shoulders and sits him down

_"Listen to yourself, jealous? Jealous? Are you fucking serious?"_

He crouches in front of him

_"We're going to battle tonight, ok? We're a team now, you get what it means?"_

Andras shakes his head, and Logan explains

_"We gotta have each other's back. We gotta protect each other, you hear me?"_

Andras looks confused.

_"It's not only about bloodshed and you getting off killing people, it's about winning, it's about winning a war."_

Logan gently takes Andras's wrist

_"So don't... don't get hurt, that's all I'm saying."_

The boy looks at him, and he has those sad and lost eyes again

_"You don't... want me to... get hurt?"_

Logan nods

_"No, I don't. So we need to clean up those wounds and be ready to fight, you with me?"_

If someone had told him what would happen next just a few days ago he would have laughed at his face. Andras fell on the floor and hugged him, with way too much strength but that was still a hug. He didn't try to kiss him, or to lick his earlobe or anything weird he would have tried to do before. He just holds him, and Logan realizes their size difference. In spite of his impressive strength, Andras still has the body of a sixteen years old boy, and not a very tall one. He remembers what he told him before, about him being a sickly child, and when he feels his bones under his hand he suddenly hugs him back.

How many years did he spend on Agares's rack before he became who he is now? Logan doesn't know if any kind of salvation is possible for people like him, for people like them, but he does know two things. The first one is that evil is definitely made, at least for some of them, and the second is he will kill that son of a bitch of Agares whenever he gets the chance.

After a long moment, Andras lets him go, and as if nothing happened says

_"Let's go and review our Legions"_

And he adds

_"Team mate"_

***

 

Castiel is uncomfortable. A few years ago he would certainly have appreciated being worshiped, but now it just makes him want to run away and hide. Because right now, there are angels, dozens of angels, hundreds of them, who are knelt in front of him, blessing him, calling him Commander in an ecstatic voice.

Well of course, he said he had been led to the amphora by the Word of God, so now they all think he's God's favorite or something. If they knew he got it by an angry fairy whose only desire is to send God to jail then maybe they wouldn't be so enthusiastic. At least he has Gadriel and Hannah to understand what he's going through, because he also has to talk to the Faithful's leader, Ariel, who's a fanatic dickhead. 

_"I knew... I knew God would agree with our Quest to restore his Heavenly Guard Castiel, I knew he would hear our prayers, my prayers I..."_

Castiel tries hard to smile and says

_"Yes uh... our prayers have been heard and we're all happy Ariel, but what is your plan, tell me. Because if we need to join forces, my followers and yours, then I need to know what you want to do."_

Ariel looks at him with the most innocent eyes

_"Well, free Michael of course as I have always said. Free our leader and his vessel, so he can help us, help you rebuilding Heaven."_

Castiel raises an eyebrow

_"And what about his brother?"_

Ariel coughs

_"Well... freeing Lucifer would restart the Apocalypse and... we are still very weak."_

Castiel nods

_"I just wanted to be sure we were on the same page here."_

The Faithful smiles

_"Of course, Castiel, of course."_

Castiel walks towards Gadriel and Hannah who ask him what Ariel said.

_"He's a lying scumbag."_

Answers Cas, and even if it's really not the time, Gadriel and Hannah laugh. Castiel adds

_"I don't believe for one minute they're going to free Michael alone. They want them both out."_

Hannah asks

_"So what do we do?"_

Castiel answers

_"We hope the Legions are strong enough to protect the Cage... but not to kill us all..."_

 

A walk in the park.

 

***

 

Dean is standing on a cliff with Crowley and Meg, and he can see his Legions from above. Even if he absolutely loathes his job, it's still pretty impressive. He has no idea how many demons are now looking at him, waiting for a motivational speech. Meg said they were close to five thousands, and he can't believe they managed to train all these people in so little time. On his left, he can see Kimaris and Katrina's legions, strong and disciplined demons, holding long spears, their leaders standing in front of them, fierce and proud, looking like ancient warriors. Then, he sees Agares's group, each soldier holding a different kind of weapon. The psycho is in a sedan chair, a fucking sedan chair, Dean can't believe it though it suits his character. And then there is Andras and Logan's group. 

Logan told him earlier than he and Andras would support his claim when the time comes, and even if he can't stand the guy now that he knows who he is, it's still good to know. He can't bet on Andras's loyalty if Agares decides to betray him, which definitely could happen. Logan on the other hand, is maybe a son of a bitch, but a hunter's word is a hunter's word. If everything goes smoothly tonight, maybe he'll be King by midnight.

Meg walks in front of him and yells

_"Legions!"_

All the soldiers kneel.

_"All hail our King!"_

And the soldiers say

_"Long live the King!"_

Dean guesses Crowley must be smiling right now. Satisfied of himself and his little tricks. Well guess who i'm gonna kill first when I'm in your throne, bitch?

_"All hail our Commander, Dean Winchester, Bearer of the Mark, General of the Knights of Hell!"_

The crowd yells Dean's name, and if he's honest, he must admit it feels pretty great. He walks forward and says

_"Faithful Knights, Soldiers of Hell's Legions, tonight we defend Hell! Tonight we show the Angels their time is over!"_

The soldiers applaud.

_"Protect our Kingdom, have your share of kill... And paint this valley with angel blood!"_

The crowd roars, and Dean turns to Meg, whispering

_"I didn't think your speech would work but it did."_

And Meg replies, in a smirk

_"Well I know them, I know what they need to hear."_

They hear Crowley cough behind them, he says

_"I must say I'm impressed Dean... and Meg. Good job mates, good job. I'm expecting you'll lead your troops to battle, right Dean?"_

Dean looks at him, trying to hide his anger.

_"I don't think the Commander is supposed to do that..."_

Tries Meg. Crowley ignores her and says

_"I want you on the front line Dean. And if Trenchcoat comes..."_

Dean's throat tightens

_"I want you to kill him first."_

 

***

 

The candles suddenly lit and then they were surrounded by a golden light. Sam doesn't know if Kevin, Charlie and Linda can see it. Maybe they can since they look completely dazzled. His whole body feels warm and it's like he can feel his own blood running through his veins. He can feel everything, from the people surrounding him, to the trees around, the light, the air, the wind the... Is that this Lifestream Rudi was talking about? 

It feels like when Saskia gave him that "power up" back in Magnus's house, but maybe a hundred times stronger.

_"Now we are connected"_

Says Rudi, still holding his hand.

_"From this day on, we will share everything. Power, energy and life."_

Saskia says

_"I, Saskia Jager, swears to be faithful to my brothers, may this Coven live forever, in this life and the next"_

She turns to Sam and he repeats

_"I, Sam Winchester, swears to be faithful to my brother and sister, _may this Coven live forever, in this life and the next"__

And finally, Rudi says

_"I, Rudi Hartfeld, _swears to be faithful to my brother and sister, _may this Coven live forever, in this life and the next."___

He adds

_"We are taking this solemn vow, with Mother Nature as a witness."_

The wind suddenly gets stronger enough to blow the candles. Rudi lets go of Saskia and Sam's hand and says

_"It's done"_

With a big smile on his face. Saskia looks at her hand and makes a fireball, she stares at it with the eyes of a child looking at a Christmas tree.

_"I'm pretty sure this thing could burn... everything."_

She grins

_"I want to burn something."_

Rudi laughs.

_"Be patient darling. You'll have plenty of demons to burn when we get on the battlefield. Sam? How do you feel?"_

Sam feels a little dizzy

_"Uh... I don't know... A little... high... I think?"_

The older man laughs again

_"You're sharing your power with us permanently now. So maybe you're a little high on energy but hey, you know what?"_

Sam shakes his head

_"I can feel your power too and that's pretty damn amazing."_

He adds

_"We're gonna win this war. We're gonna get your brother back."_

 

Sam clenches his fists

_"Yeah. I can feel it too."_


	24. No Easy Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Battle begins!

_"We can't stay back doing nothing while you're out risking your lives!"_

Kevin can't stand the idea of staying in the bunker during the battle. Yes neither of them can fight angels and demons, but there must be something they can do to help. Saskia, Sam and Rudi are leaving in a few minutes, all powered up now they're linked by a coven spell. Their strategy is simple, while Rudi will stay out of the battlefield, just sharing his energy with them, Saskia and Sam will move the fastest possible to reach Dean. Then, Sam will have to cover Saskia while she'll burn a transportation portal that will send Dean in the bunker. Once it's done, the three of them will go back. Cas plans to order a retreat the soonest possible. Gadriel and Hannah have told him the Knights of Hell army has more or less five thousand soldiers, almost twice the number of angels available for battle.

Once the Commander of the Knights of Hell is no longer there to command them, they will probably start ripping each other's throat, and Crowley's, hopefully. There is absolutely no need to get involved too much in this battle where they want both sides to lose.

Sam gently pats Kevin's shoulder

_"Kev... if you go out alone while we're not around, you could get killed."_

Kevin frowns and Sam adds

_"It's just for a day... And you're far from being useless. Look at what we know thanks to you, Oz, the Grail."_

Charlie coughs

_"Maybe we could uh... find the artifacts... While you're gone. The amulet and the...sword? Spear?"_

Saskia says

_"Well yeah sure. That doesn't require to have magic, though it helps. Kevin's a prophet, so he certainly has some."_

Kevin looks surprised and Saskia smiles

_"It's just like cooking a recipe. You need to be precise with the ingredients and the words you say. I read what Vivian gave us, and it's not dangerous."_

Linda nods and says she will supervise the use of the ingredients

_"Because if you need someone with cooking talents, then you need me."_

Rudi warns them though

_"Once you have the objects, don't try anything. Don't wear them, don't touch them with your bare hands. Wait for us to be back so we can be sure they're harmless."_

Linda assures him nothing dangerous will be done, and the three warlocks leave the bunker.

Before crossing the portal, Saskia feels some bitterness in her mouth. She's not a psychic like her mother so it's certainly just anxiety. But it seems way too simple. They all sound like those people who were convinced to go to war for a couple of months and who remained buried in trenches for four years.

Delusional.

There is no such thing as a simple battle.

 

***

 

_"I don't wanna do this!"_

Dean keeps on repeating that but it makes no difference. His body moves against his will and heads fly around him. How many angels has he already killed? He doesn't know. It feels him with dread but also, and that's maybe the worst, of energy and with something close to physical pleasure. There's a laugh bubbling in his stomac, a laugh he wants to repress, but he feels like he's going to be soon overpowered by it. He can hear Crowley's voice, cheering him and the Knights, applauding at every dead angel falling on the ground.

Applauding at Castiel being beaten up like a dog. By him.

_"Defend yourself Cas!"_

He yells. He doesn't want to kill him. Why is he even here? Why is he still loyal to that pack of douchebags? Meg told him to stay away, Meg who is fighting right now, a few feet away from Dean, and whose black eyes don't hide her fear of seeing this particular angel being dismembered. It's far from being an easy battle though. The angels are definitely not weak, contrary to what Crowley seemed to believe, and there are also a lot of casualties on Hell's side. Still, Cas ordered his soldiers to retreat just a few minutes ago and they refused, saying they had the upper hand. And now they're face to face. Cas's face is bloody and he's looking at him with his sad blue eyes, barely fighting back.

_"Defend yourself or get the Hell away!"_

Why is he staying there? If he doesn't leave right now, Dean will kill him. The moment he sees a loophole in his defense, he's going to rip his heart out with the Blade. That's what his instinct is telling him to do. That's what the swollen red veins emanating from the Mark want him to do.

_"I beg you!"_

_***_

 

Fighting is so thrilling that Katrina regrets not to be a human anymore. If she were one, she would feel those intoxicating adrenaline rushes that pushed her to her limit when she was a warrior. Her legion is strong, very strong and Kimaris is the greatest leader of all. All the angels who approach her look at her with fear and dread. Katrina wonders if they recognize her, if they know she used to be one of them.

Agares, a few yard away has finally joined in the battle and is now completely covered in blood. He kills himself every soldier who makes just one step back and he seems to really enjoy himself. It's not the way you win a war, and his legion has already faced many casualties. But he's clearly there for the bloodshed, there's nothing strategic about his erratic orders.

She can't see the others. But it doesn't matter. The orders are simple, they need to win. She grips her spear and faces a new enemy when suddenly she sees Kimaris had stopped fighting.

She's talking with an angel. A man with huge black wings that Kimaris has just called "Ariel".

_"You're an angel Kimaris, you used to be an angel, let us pass!"_

Kimaris strikes him and shouts

_"I have no loyalty to the angels. I'm loyal to my Commander and my King"_

Ariel blocks her spear with his blade and replies

_"Which King? The real one? Or the usurper sitting on this mountain?"_

Pointing in Crowley's direction. Kimaris doesn't answer.

_"We'll free your King if you let us pass. We'll free them both. We'll accomplish God's will."_

Kimaris laughs and strikes again, cutting deeply Ariel's arm

_"I don't trust you angel. I trust my Commander."_

Ariel wipes the blood off his arm and says

_"You trust Dean Winchester? Dean Winchester has no word. He would let the world burn to save his brother. His brother, who is Lucifer's true vessel."_

There's a hint of hesitation in Kimaris's eyes. Ariel smiles

_"You've been in prison for so long, I guess you didn't know. Do you really think your Commander is going to give his brother away to our King?"_

Kimaris keeps fighting, but her blows are definitely weaker. The angel makes a swift move and slices her leg. 

_"His brother with whom he shares his bed?"_

Ariel pushes Kimaris on the ground, and Katrina begins to run towards her. She doesn't know what this talk is precisely about, but she won't let her friend get hurt. Before Ariel can make his final move, she jumps and kicks his jaw. He falls in the dirt and spits a tooth.

_"Makes wise choices sister. Dean Winchester will never free your King."_

Katrina helps Kimaris get back on her feet, and the Persian angel says

_"I'm listening. What do you propose?"_

Ariel grins.

 

***

 

Andras's attitude is quite unexpected. He asks Logan for strategy advise, he doesn't order unnecessary torture, and he keeps close, making sure neither of them get hurt. He is still the same creepy and sadistic person in many ways, but there has been a little improvement, he's become tolerable, and if they survive this battle, maybe Logan will be able to live close to him without being too annoyed.

The psycho is growing on him. How is that even possible?

Agares is fighting like the maniac he is, and it doesn't look like he's going to get killed anytime soon. He's extremely strong. Andras told him several times, and he thought it was maybe his Stockholm Syndrom talking but no, absolutely not. Agares didn't exaggerate when he told the Commander he used to lead Legions and was one of the best generals he could find. He is. Though he's so bloodthirsty he's already lost a lot of his soldiers.

Suddenly, he hears a clamor, far away, on the other side of the battlefield. Demons are screaming "get back! get back!" and some of them have just collapsed on the floor, apparently dead.

_"What's happening?"_

He whisper, trying to see a little better. Andras gets closer to him and says

_"Have you seen this?"_

Logan says he had, and that they should go and have a look at who's this angel who has such a tremendous power. It's a very tall man, slowly walking towards the Mountain where the King is standing. All the demons on his way just fall dead and they hear a deep voice with a Scottish accent yell at them

_"It's Sam Winchester! Kill him!"_

Andras begins to run towards Sam, and before Logan can make a move he sees fire. Bright yellow fire surrounding Sam Winchester, the Commander's brother who apparently has powers no one knew about.

No.

He's not the one doing this.

Emerging from behind his back, there's a blond woman. She's older now but he would never forget her face. He shouts

_"Andras! Back off now!"_

The blond boy stops running and turns to him, confused. Logan can't let him go. After all he doesn't Kay to burn him to ashes anymore. Plus it's definitely not his fight.

_"You remember the Lost Child of Azazel who was supposed to be dead?"_

He says, strongly holding his sword. Andras nods.

_"May I introduce you to Saskia Jager, definitely not dead."_

The boy's eye widen as he sees his soldiers getting burnt one by one.

_"Tell our soldiers to retreat, I'm gonna try to stop her."_

Andras grips his shoulder and mutters

_"Don't die on me..."_

Before shouting retreat to his soldiers. While Sam Winchester walks freely to the Mountain, Logan walks closer to the blaze surrounding the girl who killed him twelve years ago.

 

 

***

 

This is now. Castiel is on the ground, exhausted, and Dean just has to strike one last time. He has tears in his eyes and a thirst for blood in his mouth. He's going to be mad at the end of the day. He yells

_"Why don't you defend yourself Cas? Why?"_

Castiel stares at him with his sad blue eyes and says

_"Because I don't want to live anymore Dean."_

Dean buries his Blade in his friend's chest, screaming a heart-breaking " _No!_ ". He just managed miss Cas's heart, but he's still deadly injured.

He crouches near Cas and holds his head, muttering "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." and Cas manages to say, fighting the blood invading his mouth.

_"I... I'm sorry Dean... I'm glad... I met you..."_

Dean nods, his hands gripping Castiel's trenchcoat.

Cas closes his eyes and Dean feels rage bubbling inside him. He needs to make his claim right fucking now and kill Crowley once and for all. He feels a hand on his shoulder and is going to rip off the head of whoever dared to touch him.

_"Let me take care of him Deano."_

There's a blond man standing in front of him and Dean can't believe his eyes.

Whatever this battle means, it made him leave his hideout.

 

_"Gabriel?"_


	25. Whatever You Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Battle continues! 
> 
> Thanks for still being here and appreciating the story. The more I write the more I get ideas so it's far from being over yet, I hope you'll stick around ;)
> 
> And as usual, don't hesitate to comment!
> 
> Edit: 2000 views! Did I mention I loved you all? Thank you!!!

She hasn't changed. She's surrounded by a fire tornado but her clothes aren't burning, and she doesn't seem weakened at all. Her eyes are glowing and she's not saying a word. Sam Winchester is standing inside the tornado, and every demon he looks at just falls dead on the ground.Same amber eyes, same extremely focused expression. They're covering each other and it's obvious no ordinary demon can touch them. Logan is going to die and he knows it. The other Knights should be there, they should rally here right now. What the Hell is happening?

She hasn't seen him yet. He can bet that the moment she will, he'll have maybe ten seconds to live. Maybe less.

_"Saskia..."_

He mutters, trying not to shake, not to show his fear. There's too much fire, way too much fire. She turns to him, staring at him with her yellow eyes, with no visible emotion showing. He sees her grabbing Sam Winchester's hand, and tell him something in the ear. The man nods, hugs her briefly and steps outside the fire circle Saskia's just opened for him. He's walking towards the hill, towards the King, and demons are falling dead at his feet. Some of them start running away, and the angels are still attacking, falling from the sky like meteors. 

She's walking towards him, and he grips his sword the strongest he can. He won't die like a coward. He will die with his weapon in hand. The fire is getting closer. He closes his eyes briefly, and when he opens them again, he's standing inside the tornado, in barely bearable heat, but unburnt. She's six feet away from him, arms crossed, and Logan is prepared to attack.

_"Don't be ridiculous"_

She says, and suddenly is sword becomes burning hot. He drops it on the ground and sees it melt and disappear in the earth. Then he sees Saskia casually taking a cigarette out of an antique metal case, and start smoking it, still staring at him, a hint of a smile on her lips. Logan is torn between fear and hate. And something else. Her forearms are bare, and he can see no scars, when she used to have a lot, many of them being his doing. His hands are shaking now, and there's nothing he can do to stop it. She has turned into a real monster this time. And he is to blame. He is her Agares.

_"Saskia..."_

She keeps silent and put out her cigarette on her arm. There's a no on Logan's lips but the word remains stuck in his throat. It reminds him of Andras cutting his wrist and calling the blood pretty. The hate he feels is not directed at her. He wants to throw up.

_"Well, well, well..."_

She says. The burn on her arm is vanishing, and after a few seconds, there's no trace left.

_"Looks like you can't hurt me anymore. I wonder how that makes you feel."_

She adds, her eyes turning back to green.

_"Hello Logan. It's been a while."_

***

Sam is slowly walking and there's nothing, no one who can stop him. He could do that eyes closed. It's like he feels every single demon. Actually it's not like. It is. He feels every one of them, and every time one gets to close, he just thinks "die", and he dies. He also feels Saskia, who's just told him to go alone, that she would take care of the Knights while he would get to Dean.

_"Be there in a minute"_

She said, adding she could use her extra juice to kill a couple Knights. That was not part of the original plan, but the world won't regret them, and they feel strong enough to fight this entire army. Just the two of them. Though they can't. As Rudi said "you're still human beings. Don't ever forget that. Your energy isn't unlimited. Don't push yourself or you'll faint and be killed."

It sounds a little dramatic when you feel so omnipotent, but Rudi is rarely wrong, as far as magic is concerned, and when he's not overly optimistic, it means the danger is real. But still. Sam is sure he has enough power in store to kill Crowley. And he really, really wants to.

_"Hello there Moose."_

He says, still looking cocky and confident. Sam looks at him and a mean smirk appears on his lips

_"Hello there Crowley"_

He replies, with a fake Scottish accent. Crowley drops the mask for a minute. This isn't Sam Winchester he has in front of him. Not the over sensitive, tortured and global pain in the arse he used to know. This is Azazel's son. This is the Boy King. He had always thought the tales he had heard about Sam during his demon blood days had been widely exaggerated. But the giant standing in front of him actually fits the description perfectly. He has to summon Dean, but his throat is crushed by an invisible hand, and his own powers don't seem to reach Sam. He's been stupid. He sent Dean to kill Trenchcoat because he thought it would be amusing. He thought the one with powers was the fire throwing angel protecting Sam, the one fighting with two Knights right now.Fire throwing though. Not really a power in the angels' store. Whatever. He's been too confident. Too focused on what was happening on the other side of the battlefield. Was Trenchcoat dead? Not yet?He has just heard a clamor there, angels chanting "Gabriel! Gabriel!". But that's impossible. Gabriel is dead and... Oh Hell the pain...The pain is unbearable.

Dean should have never left his side

He should have guessed. He should have known Moose would never let him have Dean. He thought he would do the usual Sam without Dean routine. Self destruction, attempted suicide, heavy drinking... He thought he had buried himself in his bunker, crying like a girl on his brother's pictures, that's what he was supposed to be doing. Crowley thinks that the moment he gets out of this situation he's going to torture every single demon he appointed to spy on Sam.

If he does get out.

_"I guess you were not expecting this, were you?"_

Says Sam, still smiling. He's enjoying this. He's visibly enjoying seeing Crowley suffer, seeing his face getting red, swollen, his tongue getting blue. Strangling him won't kill him and Sam knows it. Who knew there was a sadistic side to the one he thought was the weakest of the two? Crowley could laugh right now. He chose the wrong one to bear the Mark. 

 

Sam walks one step further.

_"You have toyed with us for the last damn time."_

Crowley wants to laugh. The first thing he did when he became King again was going to Hell's Vault to free his soul. So no one could use it against him. Of course, with all the crimes he has committed the little blue light flew far, far away from him. And he was glad then, he had destroyed the last string connecting himself to humanity. If he had just kept it... It was his life insurance. Or Hell insurance.

_"I wish there was a place worst than Hell I could send you to."_

It's starting, Crowley feels his insides burning. It's like being struck by lightning, or how he imagines it. There's a fire burning his veins, and his crushed throat won't even let him scream. And no one comes to the rescue. They're too scared, or just maybe happy to see him die. Bastards.

Bloody bastards.

_"I hope you reincarnate as a fucking roach"_

Hisses Sam, spitting on the ground, next to the Scot lifeless body. He feels like laughing. It's pretty fucking liberating. He turns around and sees Saskia below. There are two other Knights trying to get to her. Dean's not one of them. He needs to find him, but he can't leave her alone either. 

He still got a lot of energy in store. They have time. They're going to kill those Knights and then get his brother back.

 

***

 

_"What part of I'm a fucking archangel don't you understand?"_

Gabriel is pissed. Every time he's reunited with his people he realizes how stupid they all are. In the beginning he didn't want to be involved in this. Hell no. Since everyone thought he had been killed by Lucifer, he was hiding, living the Casa Erotica dream in Brazil, and had decided he would never come back to Heaven again. He had resisted coming back when Metatron arrived. After all, closing the gates of this depressing place that is Heaven wasn't such a loss. Plus, maybe the angels could actually enjoy living there, like he's always had. He doesn't know why but he's always felt like he belonged there more than in Heaven.

Anyway.

Then he heard they wanted to free Michael, and certainly Lucifer. Apocalypse 2.0. What a great idea. So new. So innovating.

And since he's the last remaining archangel he thought it would be a good idea to kick some common sense in those thick soldier's brains. Well apparently it's not so easy. It's like talking to a crew of Blues Brothers, endlessly repeating "We are on a mission for God".

No, you're not, you fucktard.

Fortunately he managed to save Castiel, maybe the least moronic of the crew. Two other angels, Gadriel -way less self righteous and stubborn than the memory he had of him - and Hannah, a brunette he's never met, but who seems fiercely protective of her "Commander", as she calls him, have sided with him.

_"When I say retreat, it means everyone stops fighting and gets back home. Castiel is out, your other commander is definitely not an archangel... Chain of command soldiers, does that ring a bell?"_

The other angels are a little defiant. Well of course it doesn't help that Dean Winchester is standing beside him with another demon, Meg, was it? Who is holding Castiel like he's the most fragile and precious thing she's ever seen. An angel says

_"Why are you collaborating with demons Gabriel?"_

And here we are. Before he can reply anything, Meg says

_"I'm taking this one away, to safety."_

And Gadriel adds

_"Coming with you."_

Obviously they know each other, though the very visible contemptuous expression on Gadriel's face show that he's not thrilled to go anywhere with her. That doesn't matter, it's one less demon. Another angel, obviously afraid, but still pointing his blade in Dean's direction says

_"You... Winchesters... You're all the same... Demons... "_

Gabriel sees Dean is deeply annoyed, and before he can tell him to calm down they hear people shouting

_"The King is dead! The King is dead!"_

Dean is obviously shocked. He grabs the first angel he sees and growls

_"Who killed him?"_

The angel looks at him with despise and says

_"The demons said it was the Boy King."_

Dean feels suddenly sick

_"Oh God... Sam..."_

What the Hell happened while he was away?

 

***

 

_"So, Knight of Hell, huh? I wonder what Rick would think of that."_

Says Saskia, trying to keep her cool. If there was someone she didn't expect to see again, it was most certainly him. Fucking Logan Atkins. Looking exactly the same, like a ghost coming straight from her past. With his dark hair, dark eyes, and his multiple scars. Guess becoming a high class demon doesn't come with free plastic surgery.

Keep being sarcastic. Keep pushing the emotions away. There's a child inside her who still wants to know why. Why did he hurt her like this, why did he hate her like this when all she had ever wanted was a little love and a little attention. But it's not the time to be weak.

He doesn't answer though, and it doesn't look like him. In the past he would have lashed out for ten percent of what she's just said. After a moment, he says, with a surprisingly calm voice.

_"Let's get it over with."_

Saskia raises an eyebrow

_"You don't wanna fight the demon Logan?"_

He looks at her, and there is... no. Can't be it. 

_"Well that's surprising! Unless you're waiting for your buddies to join the party?"_

Logan looks around. Oh fuck. Andras and Agares are outside, trying to force the circle of fire. Not succeeding so far, sending demons after demons to run and burn. Certainly Agares's idea. Though Andras told him not to die on him. Well sorry boy. But there's not going out alive today.

_"I'm not. And I don't. I don't want to fight you. And you're way stronger that I'll ever be Kay."_

Saskia's eyes turn back to yellow and the fire becomes stronger.

_"That's not my name."_

Logan steps back and says

_"Saskia listen..."_

He sees her outraged face and he raises his arms, showing he's not a threat. But a fire ball hits him in the chest and throws him on the ground

_"Give me orders again, I dare you!"_

She hisses, visibly mad. Logan is badly burnt, and he's just heard Andras scream outside. "Attack! Attack!" he's yelling. At him? Or at the demons?

_"I'm sorry..."_

He whispers, fighting the stabbing pain. Saskia's eyes become green again. She says

_"About what? Losing?"_

He tries to get up but cannot move. He breathes in and explains

_"About what I did... to you... I..."_

He's not healing. He knows this is no ordinary fire, he's seen it in action. She burnt him enough to make him suffer until he dies. He tries to breathe again and adds

_"I deserve... everything... that happened to me... burning... and Hell and this but..."_

He makes one last effort to grab her wrist and she doesn't push him away

 _"Saskia don't... please don't..._ _let what I did... turn you into someone like me..."_

He coughs and spits some blood

_"You were never a monster... to begin with... And I... wasn't either..."_

Saskia frowns, fighting against something inside her who wants to comfort him. Hi Stockholm, it's been a long time. But she still crouches beside him, and still lets him hold her wrist.

_"I turned into... worse than Rick... I..."_

There's a tear falling from Logan's eye and he hasn't cried since the first night Rick came inside his room. Saskia knows those eyes. He had them sometimes when he was sober, and then it was like he had to kill something inside himself with booze or coke. What does he mean by worse than Rick?

_"I did to you... what he did... to me..."_

Saskia can't hide the emotion surfacing. He holds her wrist stronger, he doesn't have a lot of time left

_"You're better... than that... than me... than him..."_

Saskia can finally talk and move. She holds Logan's hand and says

_"Rick hurt you..."_

Logan nods, and Saskia knows he's not lying. There's hate and sadness filling her body, and she looks at Logan straight in the eyes

_"What would you do if you had a second chance Logan?"_

Logan coughs again, and spits some more blood

_"Whatever you want me to do..."_

He says trying to smile. Yeah. That would be a fine way to redeem. Or at least to try. Doing the right thing for once. But that's definitely not happening in this life.

Saskia smiles back.

_"Good answer."_

She puts her hand on his chest, and the wounds closes. Logan gets up, incredulously looking at his now smooth and healed skin. Saskia looks at him and says

_"I'm the one who gives the orders now. So we're going to fight your team mates, ok?"_

Logan nods again and Saskia adds

_"Try to double cross me and I burn you to ashes."_

The knights laughs and replies

_"I know you will."_

 

 

 


	26. Traitors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So the battle is taking an interesting turn... What do you think?

" _He's not healing"_

Meg is still holding Castiel, and she doesn't know precisely where they went, since Gadriel took them three away. A few minutes ago, they were in the middle of nowhere, in some isolated Argentinian pampa and now they're in a forest of... Oh yeah.  Sequoia National Park, when she met Gadriel for the first time.

_"What do you mean?"_

Meg looks at Castiel's chest, and even if Gabriel healed him, there is a large black scar on his plexus and the angel is burning hot, as if he had a fever.

_"I mean look... It's like... the Blade did something to him, made him sick."_

Gadriel looks at Castiel's wound and yes obviously, something is wrong. He doesn't understand though, Dean sliced him before and Castiel managed to cure him with a weakened Grace. 

_"I don't get it... It didn't get... "infected" when it happened to me."_

The demon gets up and walks around, trying to understand. Oh no. Dean said several times he felt he went stronger every time he killed, every time he... how did he say? Fed the Mark. He killed a lot of angels today, and that's certainly why Castiel is now in agony. 

_"Dean killed angels. It made him stronger, maybe strong enough to make the Blade poisonous"_

She sighs, trying to control her fear of seeing the angel dead. Gadriel looks at her and suddenly understands. She cares. She cares about Castiel. What are the odds?

_"Is there any... safe place you can take him? Like the Winchesters' Bat Cave or something?"_

Gadriel nods. They both have access to the bunker, and Castiel will be safe there, if he survives. 

_"What are you going to do?"_

He asks seeing Meg pulling out her knife. The demon quickly rubs her eyes and explains she has to go back to Dean, that they have a job to finish. 

_"But Gadriel..."_

She says, hesitantly. 

_"Take care of him... ok? "_

Gadriel says he will, and before he can add anything else Meg has vanished in thin air.

There's no time to think about how weird the world has turned compared to before he was imprisoned. He needs to take Castiel back to the bunker and find a way to save his life. 

Something inside tells him the quest for God has literally become a matter of life and death.

 

***

 

Charlie, Kevin and Linda are staring at the Amulet of Mithra and the Spear of Destiny, and even if they promised they wouldn't touch it, they're very, very tempted. The incantations were quite easy, and they let Linda manage the recipes, which she did perfectly. In the end it just took a couple of hours, which, to be honest, is really a short quest.

_"I can't believe Dean has worn this for years and nothing happened"_

Says Kevin, explaining to the others the story behind the amulet. Charlie nods and agrees. If the Amulet is supposed to lead to God, and most of all give visions to its bearer, why did Dean never have any?

_"Well you said the fairy told you the bearer had to be 100% human..."_

Replies Linda. Kevin and Charlie look at her, a little confused. She adds

_"Kids... Sam is apparently a warlock, they were both supposed to be the vessels of two archangel... I mean maybe they're not completely human and that's why it didn't work?"_

Kevin smiles and calls his mother a genius. She blushes a little and tells him he had to have inherited that from someone. Charlie says

_"It's still a little confusing I mean... Why did the fairies only want humans to be able to find God?"_

Kevin scratches his head. That's true. No human can be strong enough to fight God.

_"Because they didn't want to start a war?"_

Says Linda, surprising everyone again.

_"God made his archangels protect his prophets, because he didn't want to be obliged to use his powers and to reveal himself. But the archangels only come to the Prophet's rescue if he's threatened by something supernatural like a demon for example."_

Kevin nods

_"Yeah, they didn't exactly come to Jesus's rescue."_

Linda continues

_"Exactly, because Jesus was killed by humans. If fairies came to God, it would automatically trigger this... archangel alarm or something."_

Charlie adds

_"Of course. Humans are not a threat to God per se. They're a threat to the vessel, and he..."_

She looks disappointed for a second

_"Doesn't care about the vessel."_

Kevin shakes his head

 _"I wonder what Dean would have to say about that...",_ he smiles, " _probably that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."_

Charlie says

_"Probably something way more vulgar."_

They begin to laugh and it feels good to release the tension burdening them for a minute. Until Gadriel appears with a dying Castiel in his arms.

_"We need to find God now"_

He says, carefully lying his friend down on a couch.

Charlie replies

_"Maybe I have a better idea"_

***

 

Ariel feels ecstatic. He's just a simple angel, a soldier, but he managed to convinced a former Seraph to lead him to Lucifer's Cage. Soon, Michael will be freed and soon Heaven will be on Earth after the purifying war, that would have happened if their race hadn't mingled with the likes of the Winchesters, finally wipes out the demons out of God's Creation.

Kimaris has let Katrina lead their Legion. She didn't feel worthy of the honor, but Kimaris can recognize a loyal warrior when she sees one, and Katrina is made of that wood. Leading Ariel to the Cage doesn't mean letting her people being massacred, and even if Ariel ordered a cease-fire for Kimaris's Legion, the battle is still going on up there, and someone has to command her soldiers and protect the entrance to the Cage. Kimaris knows she swore an oath to Dean Winchester, but what Ariel revealed, that his  brother was Lucifer's true vessel and had put him right back in the Cage when he had finally managed to be freed, makes her boil with anger.

So that was why she was suddenly isolated and deprived of contact with her jailers. If Lucifer had known she was alive, he would have freed her, he would have freed his most faithful servant. If she had been there when the seals were broken, Lucifer would be reigning right now. But then Hell was filled with insignificant bugs like the actual King, and they were unable to protect their rightful leader, unable to be loyal, and this amateurism makes her want to cut heads.

She will free Michael and Lucifer, and when it's done, Hell's Army will finally get its revenge on Heaven's.

And the first head to fly will be Ariel's.

***

 

_"Why are you siding with her?"_

Asks Andras, knives in hand and visibly confused.

_"I don't have time to explain, just trust me all right?"_

Logan and Saskia are in the middle of the fire circle, surrounded by demons led by Andras and Agares. Saskia looks tired. Oh shit, this isn't good. If she faints like she used to they're gonna be ripped to shreds.

_"Who cares about traitors, sweetness?"_

Says Agares in a suave voice.

_"I am soon going to step inside this ridiculous thing and kill them both."_

He adds, in a smile. Saskia frowns and the fire gets stronger.

_"You're gonna have to figure out your shit quick Logan. You fight them with me or you get fried, capice? Don't have all day..."_

Logan stares at Andras with helpless eyes. He needs to make him understand and quick. He doesn't want him to get killed. There is a chance, there is a little chance for him to be Andrea again. Why is it so important for him suddenly? A few weeks ago, he could barely stand his sight, and now, seeing him looking so lost behind the flames makes him want to cross the fire and comfort him. If Andras can be saved... If he can save him it means...

_"Listen to me, I didn't betray you, I didn't leave you behind, okay?"_

Andras tries to get closer but gets burnt. Agares keeps on sending demons to burn on the circle and Saskia starts to breathe heavily. Fucking bastard. He knows what he's doing. Weakening her so he can finally step inside.

_"Do you hear me? I wasn't leaving you!"_

The boy makes his painful laughter, borderline hysterical. He's close to losing it.

_"You LIE! She killed you! You told me she did! And now you're with her?"_

He laughs again, grabbing a demon on his right and pushing him on the flames, a sadistic look on his face. Logan tries to reach out to him before he completely loses his mind again.

_"I hurt her, you remember? I told you that too. She's giving me a second chance Andras, you see what it means?"_

Andras frowns and shakes his head, throwing another demon in the flames. No, he doesn't know what it means. He didn't even hurt her that bad. She's still there, isn't she? And if he had hurt her sooo terribly then she would have fried him the moment she saw him, strong as she seems to be. That would be the logical thing to do. That's what he would have done. If he hadn't enjoyed it. Because he does, doesn't he?

And the people he has killed, if they were standing in front of him now, what would they do? Probably kill him too. But he's already dead, so who cares? He can die again. He can be on a rack again, seeing himself being dismembered. He doesn't care. Or maybe he does.

_"Andras?"_

He has slowly walked close to the flames and is almost touching the flames with his hands. Logan sees his skin getting blistered and he still doesn't move or makes a sound. Oh shit.

_"It means people like us get a second chance."_

It's the first time Logan uses the word "us" while talking about them, and Andras briefly turns to Agares. His only "us" used to be them. Agares is laughing at the burning demons, covered in blood, and he looks like he's having a blast. Andras suddenly remembers his first days in Hell. The fear, the pain. The despair when he understood he had been sold. His torn up body. Nothing was his anymore, not even his mind. How just thinking of Agares's face made him tremble to the point he was unable to move.

For the first time in centuries, Andras sees him again for what he really is. A terrifying monster.

Agares turns to him with his serpentine smile, and Logan sees the sheer terror in Andras's eyes. In a second, Agares is on him, kicking him in the stomach and throwing him in the dirt.

_"T-t-t... You stupid dog..."_

He says still smiling but with his inner madness finally surfacing in his gaze. Andras is curled up on the floor, only making strangled noises, while Agares kicks him, repeating

_"Who do you belong to huh? Who holds your leash?"_

In the sugary high voice you would use to talk to an animal. It makes Saskia turn around and look.

She sees a dark-haired grown man hurting a blond child. The kid is crying, unable to defend himself while the insults are raining on him. This is way too familiar.

_"Oh you fucking son of a bitch!"_

She says. The circle vanishes and now Saskia has a fireball in each hand and a pissed off stare.

_"You let go of him right now you God damn psycho"_

The guy looks at her with despise and kicks again, as if to say "I do what I want". Logan thinks he just released the Kraken. A fireball hits Agares right in the face and he falls heavily on the ground. The fireball comes right back in Saskia's hand, and the demons have stopped attacking. With no one to command them, they're just staring a the fight between the Witch and their cruel commander.

Andras is still on the ground, shaking like a leaf, muttering unintelligible things in Italian.

_"Andras? Andras you with me?"_

He doesn't answer. He has to get up, and now, because the demons could decide to attack again.

_"I beg you man, get up!"_

Andras is still muttering in italian

_"Non farmi male... non farmi male... per favore signore... pietà..."  
_

Logan doesn't understand Italian but guesses what he's saying.

 _"It's okay And... Andrea? I won't hurt you all right?_ "

Andras stops shaking and opens his eyes, staring at Logan. He has his child eyes for a moment, and suddenly the soft blue turns to steel and he quickly gets up, picking up his knives.

_"Where is Agares?"_

He says, with his scary dull tone.

A few feet away, Agares is back on his feet, half of his beautiful face burnt to the bone. He yells

_"You think that would kill me, you stupid whore?"_

Saskia laughs

_"What's wrong Double-Face? You don't like your new look?"_

Logan whispers

_"He's gonna get deep fried in no time."_

Andras replies

_"No."_

And pauses for a moment. He turns to Logan and says, emontionlessly

_"Your friend is going to die I'm afraid."_

At that moment, Agares's face heals and he has a contemptuous laugh.

_"Who do you think I am little girl? I'm older than all of them. Older that my Commander. Even older than my King. You think you can kill me with your little magic tricks?"_

He disappears and reappears right behind Saskia and has put his sword on her throat

 _"Do you know how many witches and priests and nuns tried to kill me during the last two thousand years?_ "

He stares at the demons and adds

_"What are you looking at? Seize the traitors before I discipline you."_

 

Andras looks at Logan and adds

_"She's lucky."_

***

 

It's taking too long. It's taking way too long. Rudi said he would stay back, giving all his energy to the kids but he's starting to feel useless and most of all scared.

He's been feeling a stabbing pain in his chest, and he knows he's not having a heart attack. The fear is attacking his seal, and if it gets broken, so help him... whoever is available because he could probably turn this whole pampa to dust, including his own body. But he feels one of them in bad need of energy. Probably Saskia, with the tornado she's maintained around her since she stepped on the battlefield.

The thing is, he can't see any tornado anymore, so for some reason, she has stopped using her fire. Why? What's happening? And where is Sam?

He needs to take a look.

He needs to help.

He's been under a lot of stress before and it didn't break the seal. There's no need to be afraid. And even if it breaks. He can control it. He's old enough, strong enough. He was raised to be afraid of himself. And they were wrong, weren't they? He's not a bad person. He's not dangerous.

Rudi gets up and starts walking towards the battlefield.

He doesn't notice the pebbles he walks on disappearing into thin air.

 


	27. Hurricane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Go chap 13 to see new faces!
> 
> And thanks again for following :)

The first thing Dean saw when he arrived on the hill was Crowley's corpse lying on the ground.

The second was a very tall man with glowing amber eyes, staring at the body with a satisfied gaze.

_"Sam?"_

Dean is covered in blood, his clothes are ripped and his grip on the Blade is strong. But the man in front of him is scarier, with his clean clothes and his well groomed hair. Down the hill Dean can see dozens, maybe hundreds of dead demons, forming a path that goes from the back of the battlefield to the place they're standing right now. Demons literally fall dead at this man's feet. He could fall dead at his feet. And for several different reasons.

He's looking at him right now.

Dean can't move.

The man blinks. His eyes are soft hazel, and a relieved smile appear on his lips, along with two dimples on his cheeks.

_"Sammy?"_

There are tears in Sam's eyes, and he runs to his brother, unable to speak. He hugs him strong enough to smother him and Dean drops the Blade and hugs him back.

This scary creature is still his giant puppy of a brother.

 

***

 

Saskia doesn't have a lot of choices. She's not dead yet. It means the guy is a sadist. He likes observing the effect of his strength on his victims. So it leaves her a couple of seconds before he actually cuts her throat.

She can try to set herself on fire, but nothing guarantees that the demon won't be faster than her flames. If he does cut her throat she doesn't know if she will be able to heal in time. Probably not. With the blood loss, she will lose consciousness before she can do anything.

Or, there's another solution. A dangerous and unpleasant one, but that could work.

She could go dark side.

She was able to heal Logan a few minutes ago, which means her healing powers also work on non human creatures. Logically, she should be able to suck the life out of them as well. Problem is, she's never done anything dark before. Problem is, she knows the effects of dark magic on the human mind. Rudi warned her about them, always told her exploring her dark side should be done under supervision, and very carefully.

There are not a hundred ways of unlocking the dark side of a light power. You need to feel hate, the deepest, darkest hate possible. Not the righteous anger you can feel when you've been hurt, not, real, raw hate.

And once you've opened that door, nothing guarantees you'll be able to close it.

But she's not alone. If she need to be locked out or restrained for a couple of days, weeks or months it's fine, as long as she survives. Rudi and Sam won't let her die or get permanently hurt.

Ok, so the guy is a child abuser.

_"You like this? Hurting children?"_

She says, feeling the blade already cutting her skin.

_"You're talking about him?"_

He answers, pointing at the blond boy fighting demons alongside Logan.

_"He's my sweet little puppy dog. And he's been a bad puppy recently. A really bad one"_

Saskia focuses on the disgusting honey-thick voice, and feels anger filling up her body. That's good, but that's not enough.

_"Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?"_

She asks, purposely pressing her neck on the blade. He must certainly like the sight of blood. Bingo. He licks her throat and the anger gets stronger.

_"Mmm I'm going to chain him first, and chain his new best friend so he doesn't miss a second of it."_

The psycho starts telling her every single detail of what he plans to do to the kid, only interrupting himself to cut a little deeper and lick some more blood. He's so caught up in his fantasy he doesn't see the cuts healing. Saskia has trouble not showing her internal rage. There's nothing missing in that scum shopping list. Rape, torture, humiliation. And he doesn't spare her any single details. She pretends to be afraid, shivers and moans under his knife. It's all an act but it works, he's the kind to enjoy it, her diagnostic was right.

_"Maybe I'm not going to kill you after all"_

He says, whispering in her ear.

_"Maybe I'm going to keep you, you'll be the little bitch of my private zoo."_

Saskia mutters a pathetic _"please don't"_ , and feels the rage getting incendiary.

_"You'd like it I'm sure"_

He adds, sliding his hand inside her jeans.

 

***

 

Rudi feels the pain in his chest getting stronger and stronger.

He follows a trail of dead bodies, all unhurt, visibly killed by Sam.

The Legions are erratically fighting. No one seems to give orders anymore. Some are fighting against angels, some are fighting against each other. Some have just stopped fighting altogether. No one seems to notice the man walking among them.

Except Rudi's so focused on finding his children that he doesn't notice the projectiles being thrown at him since he entered the battlefield. He doesn't notice the spears, swords and arrows disappearing the moment they get close, or the demons turning to dust when they approach him.

And then he hears her voice.

Saskia is just a few feet away, and a demon is holding her, a sword touching her throat. She's begging him for mercy. His little girl.

He remembers suddenly that night, near New York, when he saw Saskia again for the first time in more than twenty years. Her lost eyes, how she talked without looking at him, sit on the floor, her chin resting on her right knee. How hard it had been to conceal his deep, deep sadness when he asked her what happened after her mother died. She had to talk about Logan Atkins.

So she began by saying he was a violent asshole, and then she had to explain why.

She told him how desperate she was for him to like her a little bit, since he was the only one talking to her. How stupid she was to see that he had a soft side that he was constantly trying to destroy. How he came to her sometimes, late at night, and talked, sometimes apologized, saying he was a wreck and a despicable person. And the next morning it would be same old, same old.

She told him how it got worse when she reached 13, how his look changed. She couldn't understand why at that time, why he was getting more and more nervous around her, always accusing her of doing "things" to him, of driving him "mad".

She bitterly laughed at how stupid she was back then, thinking she could maybe change him, or make him at least understand she wasn't dangerous. If she had been a little bit more intelligent then, she would have killed him, or she would have ran away before he became paranoid and started chaining her every night, like a dog.

She talked, and talked, and smoked, and smoked again until her voice dropped an octave. Rudi remained still on his chair. Not saying a word, except for asking for precisions, once or twice. Her eyes were unfocused, she was hiding behind a curtain of cigarette smoke, and he didn't even try to get up and open the window. His expression was composed, he didn't start to cry or doing those human things that made her uncomfortable, like trying to reach out to her, patting her shoulder or God knows what. He knew if he interrupted her she would stop talking and start joking.

She even told him about the rape, and she saw his fists getting tense. She didn't spare him the details. How her own body betrayed her. How tainted she felt. How she wished she could throw up her soul and disappear.

And the Fire, of course the Fire. When it took over, how good and right it felt. To see people burn, to see their skin melting. How powerful she felt, surrounded by a tornado of Fire that couldn't burn her.

And then the trip to the east coast.

The hitch-hiking. The people. Men.

She could have stolen a car, she could have made it on her own. She had a gun, and she was resourceful.

But what she did was trading her body for a lift to the next town, a meal, a place to sleep.

_" Because you know, it's like you have a stain on your body that doesn't go away. So you try to cover yourself in dirt so you don't see it anymore. Except it doesn't change anything. Even if you can't see it, you know it's there."_

And now that demon has a hand in her jeans.

***

This is it, this is the Door to the Cage.

Ariel touches it with a trembling hand, and Kimaris remains calm. He is the one who has to open it. He knows what to write on the door. Now the seals are all broken, this is a simple prison door, that can be unlocked by a few enochian words.

He cuts his finger with his Angel Blade, and begins to draw symbols on the door. He has asked his followers to wait for him outside. He wants to be the first angel the master sees when he's finally free. Will he be promoted? Will he become a Seraph?

Kimaris smirks and strongly holds her spear.

The symbols on the door start to glow.

It's happening.

 

***

 

The sword has disappeared from the demon's hand.

And not many people are able to do that kind of magic trick. Saskia pushes the demon away and two fireballs appear in her hands. That's when she sees him. Rudi is standing behind the demon, and he's surrounded by dust. He's like a walking hurricane. Except the force she feels is not wind, it's his power.

Oh no. Oh no, no, no.

Agares turns around and stares at the elderly man who's just muttered _"hands off"_ to him.

_"Are you talking to me?"_

He says, pointing his finger at Rudi. The warlock smirks back and replies

_"Rude."_

Agares's hand explodes, and he screams in pain and fury. He makes a step towards Rudi, and now it's his leg's turn to be blown away.

_"You have threatened my kid"_

He adds, standing over the demon's body, absently looking at the blood flowing from his wound.

_"No one threatens my kid."_

Rudi snaps his fingers, and skins the demon alive. Saskia shouts

_"Rudi!"_

This isn't him. Cruelty isn't part of his personality, but if his seal is broken it means his emotions are completely out of control, hate included. And if he goes dark side with a power like his he could pretty much destroy everything and everyone here.

Agares screams again, spitting blood and cursing

_"I'll kill you! I'll kill you all!"_

Rudi laughs again and Saskia knows she has to end this now. She throws her two fireballs on the demon and burns him until there's nothing left of his body. She doesn't hear the blond boy from earlier crying out loud like a mad man.

_"Rudi I beg you..."_

She says, her eyes filling with tears. Rudi is blankly staring at the ashes and when he finally looks at her, his eyes are white.

 

***

 

After long minutes of negotiation Gabriel has finally managed to convince the angels to retreat. Gadriel isn't back yet, but the departure of Dean Winchester and Hannah's constant and diplomatic presence helped him to make those sheep understand that this war was going nowhere.

But the leader of the Faithful is missing, along with a few of his followers.

_"That's not good, is it?"_

He asks Hannah. The brunette bites her lip.

_"I'm afraid it's not. There is a whole Legion right over there that has stopped fighting."_

Gabriel sees she's right. The demons are staying still, a black woman in front of them, and no one is attacking.

_"What the Hell is happening?"_

He whispers. Hannah answers

_"The woman you see is Katrina. She's working with Kimaris. Kimaris isn't dead, we would have known. So if she's not there, it means..."_

Gabriel realizes.

_"Oh fuck no."_

Hannah turns to him and shakes her head

_"We've been betrayed..."_

Gabriel grabs her shoulders

_"No. You don't understand. They're in the Cage!"_

And he disappears. Maybe it's not too late.

 

***

 

Adam Milligan is the first to step outside the Cage, and the light is so blinding he has to cover his eyes.

_"Who are you?"_

He hears a masculine voice say. Well it's a good question. He knows his name. Though... it doesn't really mean anything right now. And how does he answer that? With his... mouth. Oh, yes. How does it work? He feels like laughing.  He doesn't know how to use his mouth! And where is it actually?

Kimaris sees a boy looking raging mad and completely disoriented. He's sit on the floor, mechanically chuckling, and has his almost entire hand in his mouth.

_"What happened in there?"_

She asks Ariel. But he's on his knees with an ecstatic smile, saying "I'm here master, your faithful servant has freed you!"

Pathetic worm. He makes things easier.

Kimaris grabs his Angel Blade and stabs him right in the head.

The mad boy screams and crawl in a corner, rocking back and forth, his hand still in his mouth.

Then she sees a familiar foot crossing the door. There's a tall man standing right in front of her, with long black hair and dark green eyes. He looks just the same than the last time she saw him, before she was snatched by God's soldiers and locked away...

_"Enki?"_

She murmurs, gently taking his hand. The man has a tough and cruel gaze, he stares at the mad child with despise, so far away from the person he used to be. He slowly turns to her and says

_"How did you call me?"_

Kimaris swallows with difficulty and repeats, with an unsteady voice

_"Enki. Your... real name... Lucifer..."_

Lucifer looks at her and repeats

_"My real name..."_

He holds her hand and details her every feature. There is something familiar about this name, and about this woman. He's never seen her before, he's sure of it but...

_"It's me... Kimaris..."_

Kimaris. Kimaris. That name reminds him of fire, and despair, and war and... The first time he set foot on Earth after having claimed his true vessel. How a light came down from the sky and entered the body of a young earthling girl. She was playing in a river, her long black curls barely hiding her thin waist, her golden skin sparkling in the sunlight.

He had thought she was incredibly beautiful, well suited to harbor the Grace of one of his favorite angels. She had walked to him, only dressed with tiny water drops and he had swore that day that he would never leave her side. Or Earth. Whatever the cost.

_"Kimaris..."_

She smiles and tears come to her eyes. He remembers. She's not alone anymore.

 

***

_"Rudi?"_

Saskia is protecting herself with her fire, since her father's power is becoming too strong to remain close. She can see her own flames being swallowed by Rudi's hurricane, but she won't leave him here. No, she won't.

She shouts his name several times, and suddenly the hurricane stops. Saskia runs to him and hugs him the strongest she can, crying like a child

_"I thought I had lost you!!"_

Rudi pushes her away gently and says

 _"Grab Sam and his brother and leave, sweetheart_ , _I..."_

He clenches his fists, and when Saskia looks at him with her third eye she understands what's happening. The seal has broken and it's just a matter of time before everything around turns to dust. Included...

_"I can't leave you..."_

She says, tears streaming down her face. Rudi grabs her arms and says

_"You have to. Take Sam and Dean to safety, just like we planned okay?"_

Saskia nods and Rudi hisses in pain again.

_"I love you Saskia, I love you more than anything in the world"_

He smiles, with tears in his eyes

_"At least now I know how much"_

Saskia smiles back to him and says

_"I'll come back for you."_

And she runs away, tears flying out of her eyes.

 

***

Logan has just seen Saskia leave hurricane man, and Andras is still in the middle of a psychotic break since he saw Agares being killed. Before he can say anything, Saskia shouts

_"Pearl Harbor! Hill! Now!"  
_

And Logan nods.

She used their old code words, he needs to get on the hill right fucking now.

A storm is coming.


	28. Lover's Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so Spn is finally back, have you enjoyed the premiere?
> 
> Do you think my season compares? (tough question, I know!)
> 
> Anyway thanks again for still being there with me!
> 
> xxx

_"Sam!!"_

Sam gently pushes Dean away and sees Saskia running towards him followed by two Knights of Hell. Sons of bitches, he thinks, maybe she's out of magic after having covered him. He looks at the dark haired one and he falls on the ground, grunting and holding his chest.

Saskia grabs his arm and says

_"Don't kill them! They're with me!"_

Sam is going to protest when she says

_"Long story, trust me all right?"_

Sam nods, and Dean finally speaks

_"What the fuck is happening here?"_

He has the Blade in his hands again and he's ready to kill those three if someone doesn't give him a proper explanation.

_"Hey Dean"_

Says Saskia, getting closer to him.

Holy shit. It's the witch.

_"It's been a long time."_

***

Lucifer, Enki, can't stop looking at Kimaris's face, his lover's face. How could he have forgotten about her? He caresses her red curls, she had dyed her hair red, like fire she'd said, before going to battle, before they did that one last move to defend what they had created. They knew it was a lost cause, but they couldn't abandon their cities, their people, their children. They couldn't let them freeze to death alone. Or be vitrified alone.

_"What happened my love? When were you imprisoned? I still can't..."_

Kimaris closes her eyes. She gently kisses Enki and starts telling him about God's spell. How after he and his favorite son's army had destroyed all their cities and killed almost all the humans they had ever been close to, God used his own Grace to change all their memories into a lie.

_"But for some reason, it didn't work for me."_

She swallows bitter tears she's never allowed herself to shed in the last millenia.

_"So they locked you in Hell"  
_

She shakes her head

_"I was locked in Heaven first. Remembering everything. When all the angels around were saying the same absurdities..."_

She spent years in Heaven's Cells, isolated, hearing terrifying stories of what Lucifer had become. How he was reigning in a dreadful place called Hell, how he was twisting souls to create his own army.

_"I couldn't believe it... I thought... You were the angel who loved mankind the most..."_

Enki sighs.

_"I was. But when I woke up from the spell... I hated humans... I thought I had been cast away from Heaven because of them, because my Father preferred them..."_

He laughs bitterly

_"I wanted revenge... I turned into a monster..."_

Kimaris holds him closer

_"You were the first to be twisted my Love. And even when I heard those terrible tales I still loved you."_

Enki kisses her hair

_"And one day, the angels told me thy had managed to imprison you in a Cage in Hell, along with other powerful demons... I asked them to... send me there..."_

He holds her face in his hands

_"You asked them to send you to Hell?"_

She nods

_"To you. I wanted to be close to you. But them too, they didn't know who I really was. I was sent to Hell, and imprisoned for having failed at my duty of serving you."_

Enki clenches his fists.

_"They will pay for this."_

Kimaris holds his hand

_"They will, my Love. They will pay for every drop of our people's blood they shed."_

Her eyes shine with pride and anger

_"Every single drop."_

 

***

 

Gabriel is running in Hell's hallways. This place is a mess, even for a trickster. It's just like Heaven, it constantly changes. It can look like a BDSM dungeon if it's the current tenant's taste, or like a 1940's mental asylum, or like a mother fucking labyrinth. Right now, it looks like an office building from the Mad Men era, and Gabriel wouldn't be surprised if he walked on the evil version of Don Draper.

If Lucifer and Michael are out, it's going to be one shitty family reunion.

 

***

 

The demons are slowly regrouping, many of them not knowing what to do. Katrina had to leave the Cage's surveillance to a part of her Legion so she could gather everyone and stop them from killing each other.

Agares is dead. Logan and Andras are nowhere to be found. Dean Winchester and his second in Command were last seen fighting angels and they could also be dead by now...

She hopes Kimaris is all right and won't blame her for not doing her assignment, but everything was turning into an unnecessary bloodbath.

Plus there's a tornado coming right into their direction and leaving could be the best option. No one can fight with dust flying all around.

 

***

_"You heard what Gabriel said! Retreat, now!"_

The angels are still not listening and Hannah is seriously pissed off. They don't listen to Castiel, they stop listening to Gabriel the moment he's gone. Damn! She should just leave them there to rot.

They should have kept the amphora for themselves and leave those idiots die from burning Graces.

 

***

_"What are you thinking about?"_

Says Kevin. Charlie's just said she had a better idea than finding God to help Castiel but what is it?

_"I'm calling Gilda. She's a fairy, she'll know what to do."_

Gadriel reluctantly agrees. He's heard about the angels' origins and everything but he's still not sure he wants to trust the Fairies. But Kevin and Linda seem to agree, so Charlie goes to her room to take the key to Oz, and quickly opens a portal in the Library's door.

_"I'll be back in five minutes"_

She says, after closing the door. Kevin adds

_"Let's hope it won't take her three weeks"_

And the group laughs a little, trying to alleviate the tension.

Castiel's head is resting on Linda's lap and he's painfully coughing, his body burning hot. Yes, let's hope so.

 

***

 

_"Rudi's seal is broken, Sam. You need to take Dean home right now."_

Saskia says, burning a portal symbol on the ground. Sam can't hide his shock and takes Dean's hand, leading him inside the circle.

_"Sam wait... What are you doing?"_

Says Dean, resisting his brother.

_"I'm taking you to the bunker, to safety. So we can cure you."_

Sam tries to drag Dean but he refuses to move.

_"Crowley's dead Sam... You killed him. I'm not sired anymore I..."_

Sam gets a little angry

_"Listen to me Dean... There's a warlock down that Hill who's going to turn this entire place into dust in maybe less than five minutes."_

Dean's eyes widen in shock. Sam has associated himself with monsters again? Well who is he to talk, but still...

_"And yeah I killed Crowley, but how long do you think it's gonna take until another King or Queen rises, huh?"_

Dean replies

_"Not long. I can make the claim. I can make it right now."_

Sam shouts

_"You can't be fucking serious!"_

 

***

 

_"YOU KILLED HIM!"_

Andras is sit on the floor and has been repeating that a million times since they arrived on the hill. Logan thinks that Saskia spared him once but that if he's planning to be a pain in the ass for a little longer, he's most probably getting barbecued.

Saskia sighs

_"I saved your ass kid. Normal people say thank you."_

Andras gets up and looks strangely calm. Oh, not good. He walks on her and stops way too close, but Saskia doesn't move an inch, a little smile on her face.

_"What?"_

She says, and the blond boy looks confused for a second, before saying

_"And what if I don't want to? Will I get punished?"_

Saskia rolls her eyes and says

_"I you don't want to, you're an uneducated brat and that's sure as Hell not my problem"_

She gently pushes him away and goes to Logan, handing him over a piece of paper. _  
_

_"Here, go there. I'll find you two when I need you."_

Logan reads the address, it's in New York apparently.

_"What's this place?"_

Saskia makes a little half smile

_"It's Frank's."_

Logan is shocked

_"You mean Pivnik?"_

Frank Pivnik, his father's best friend. Not that bright, but a good guy. Pretty much the only normal adult he had around growing up. He thought he had died in the Fire too.

_"He's a cab driver in New York, Logan. I'm sure he's gonna help you."_

Logan mutters a thank you and Saskia adds

_"Lay low, don't get noticed okay?"_

He nods

_"I won't."_

She briefly looks at Andras who staring at her, arms crossed, with hatred in his eyes. She adds

_"And good luck with Chucky."_

Logan laughs and he leaves with Andras. Franck... He wonders if he'll be happy to see him or not.

In this state, probably not.

 

***

 

_"Think about it Sam, I can end Hell from the inside!"_

Sam steps out the circle and shakes Dean

_"Listen to yourself! If you become King of Hell you will never end it from the inside, you will rule it!"_

Dean pushes him away violently

_"Well thanks for trusting me little brother!"_

Sam raises his hands

_"I trust you! I don't trust the Mark! The thing needs to be fed, it's gonna turn you into something else Dean! You probably already noticed the changes!"_

Dean looks a little doubtful for a short moment, but there's hate bubbling into his stomach. Who the Hell he is to lecture him? He's probably swallowed gallons of demon blood to get that powerful, and now he's mister High Moral Values?

Without thinking about it, he gets the Blade out of his jeans. Sam protests

_"Are you threatening me?"_

Dean feels the Blade's power invading his body, and doesn't answer.

_"Dean seriously, this isn't you! Let me take you home!"_

Sam looks at his brother, and his voice starts to shake. But when Dean opens his eyes, they're black as ink.

 _"Don't tell me who I am_ ."

He says, in a much deeper voice. There's a blue light emanating from the Blade. Graces probably. Oh God. He killed angels and the Blade fed on their Graces.

Dean walks slowly towards Sam, and Sam can see red veins starting to cover his brother's pale skin.

_"Don't fucking tell me who I am, you worthless cocksucker."_

Sam can't move. This has just hit him too hard. He has to defend himself, he has to... but he can't kill Dean he just cant...

 

Dean's gonna kill him.

No.

The Blade. But it doesn't change anything right?

He's gonna die from his love's hand.

 

 ***

 

The pain is excruciating. And somehow liberating. It's like he can feel anything, everything.

The sadness when he was locked away from the coven.

The shame when he understood why.

The fear to hurt others.

The heartbreak when Rose left with Saskia without leaving a note.

The anger when he heard his father wanted to sacrifice him.

And that need...

That need to be loved.

To be held, cuddled, told nice things.

How come he had never realized that he had never be touched as a child?

Not even a pat on the head.

Nothing.

Just given lessons.

No wonder he was such a good pupil.

These were the only proof of love he had ever.

Thank God for Rose and her little hands.

Thank God for Rose and her hugs, her kind words, her curly red hair and her sweet smile.

Rose is dead. Oh Lord, oh Lord...

Rose burnt. Rose is certainly in Hell.

And Saskia was...

Rudi loses consciousness.

 

***

 

The demons are screaming.

This is no ordinary tornado. And it's getting bigger every second.

Hannah doesn't know what happening precisely, but she knows what they have to do if they don't want to be swallowed by that thing.

 

_"RUN AWAY!!!!!!!"_

 


	29. Big Apple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everybody was scattered after the battle! So what's happened since? Where are our characters?
> 
> First stop: New York!
> 
> (And for Frank's face, go chapter 13!)

_"So, how was work?"_

Logan crashes in the old couch and sighs heavily.

_"I served skinny chai tea lattes with soy milk and no sugar all the fucking day long, what do you think?"_

Frank laughs

_"Well sorry I can't offer you a life of adventure son."_

Logan smiles

_"I had one today, some guy had a panic attack over a part he didn't get in a Broadway thing. Choke on his hipster tea and then rolled on the floor screaming. That was funny"_

The older man frowns and Logan replies

_"Hey don't look at me like that, I'm still a demon."_

He blinks and shows his black eyes. A demon barrista. If it's not the funniest thing in the world, he doesn't know what it is. It's been a month since the Battle, but it feels like a year. So many things have changed.

_"I'm bored!"_

Some haven't at all.

When he and Andras popped in New York, right after Saskia told them to leave, they landed in some dirty back alley, and if Logan felt a little overwhelmed by the noise, Andras was borderline terrified. Apparently, he could handle a small Midwest town, but a modern metropolis was just too much. After all, he hadn't seen the world since the late 18th century, when New York was a fairly large city for its time, but not the roaring monster it was now. He was still extremely confused by Agares's death, and Logan could see in his eyes that he was in one of those moments when he completely lost his mind and killed random people or mutilated himself to calm down. He had actually started to cut his forearms.

Logan wondered at that moment if he should just leave him there. To be honest, the kid was probably a lost cause after all. A more or less six hundreds years old teenager, hopelessly mad... What could he possibly do with him? When they were in Hell, he had a purpose. They needed to survive, to train their Legion, to be loyal to their Commander and now all of this was gone. Andras had never been his responsibility, quite the opposite actually. It was Dean Winchester who had teamed him up with the boy, so he could learn how to lead an army. Now there was no more army, no more hierarchy, no more rules.

_"What is this place? There's so much noise... so much noise... I cannot think..."_

Logan sighed and leaned on the dirty wall.

Apparently he was still the same selfish dick. He crouched near Andras and took the knife away, wiping the blood with his shirt's sleeve.

_"Calm down Andy that's just a modern city, you'll get used to it."_

Andras looked at him with a puzzled stare and said

_"How did you call me?"_

Logan laughed

_"I gave you a nickname, you don't like it?"_

The boy got up and had cold eyes again.

_"So does this mean I am yours?"_

Logan rose too and crossed his arms.

_"What do you mean, mine?"_

Certainly that BDSM bullshit, he thought. "I've been owned", that's what Andras used to say about his relationship with Agares. More like "I am owned", since the psycho didn't hesitate to beat him bloody and call him a dog. Oh shit.

_"It's not a pet name Andras, it's just... I don't know, what friends do?"_

Andras frowned

_"I don't understand."_

Logan rolled his eyes. Doing the right thing was definitely not easy.

_"I don't want to own you okay? You can stay with me if you want, I can help you understand what's going on around here but if you want to leave, you can leave."_

The boy smirked, and had his perverted look on his face again. 

_"And if I don't do what you want? Will I get punished?"_

Oh God, not that again. Logan shook him gently.

_"No. Just do what I tell you to because..."_

He paused.

_"Because you trust me okay? I want you to trust me."_

There was a glimpse of emotion in the boy's eyes, and after a moment, he nodded and accepted to follow him. Logan didn't know what Frank's reaction would be, having two demons on his doorstep, but they still climbed the stairs to his floor. Good luck with Chucky, had said Saskia, so she was expecting him to take care of the kid. He just hoped he wouldn't go on a killing spree the moment he'd be bored.

Frank's reaction was to pass out.

It was not that surprising, the guy had never been very brave. He was living in a dump, an apartment so dirty it could have been a hunter's lair. Except Frank was certainly just a cab driver, among hundreds of other cab drivers. And he didn't even have a gun. Logan carried him to the couch, and thanked Satan for having a supernatural strength. The old man hadn't got any thinner with time. He was still the same small and potbellied man, with maybe a little less hair, the few left going gray. He seemed to feed himself with pizza and Chinese takeout, and had a few porn magazine not so hidden under his couch.

_"Oh dear... I just had the most... OH MY GOD!"_

Logan laughed

_"Don't faint again princess it's me, it's really me."_

Frank Pivnik thought he was having  heart attack. Or that he was going mad. Because Logan Atkins was in his living room. Logan Atkins who had died twelve years ago. He hadn't aged. He was still looking exactly the same than the night he last saw him, when he had asked him to bring Saskia to the common room. Right before she turned everything into a blaze.

_"You can't be... You... You burnt... I saw it..."_

Logan blinked and showed his black eyes. Frank screamed again

_"Don't kill me! I didn't mean to run away!"_

Andras sighed, standing behind Logan.

_"I'm going to kill him if he doesn't stop screaming."_

Logan turned

_"You won't kill anyone. Frank, I didn't come to kill you, I came to ask for your help."_

The man stuttered

_"My... my... help?"_

Logan nodded

_"Yeah, can we uh... crash here? For a few days?"_

Frank accepted, certainly out of fear, and by nightfall, they had a place to stay. After his initial panic attack, Pivnik was actually happy to see Logan. He had always considered him like his nephew, and maybe even the son he'd never had. He had tried to shelter him from his father, but as usual, he had failed. And later he had also failed to protect Saskia. Strangely enough, Logan was now a demon but he was way less evil than the last time he'd seen him. He couldn't say the same thing about the kid who followed him everywhere though.

Logan hadn't really explained who the boy was and where he came from. He had just said he had been sold to a demon a long time ago, and was a little unstable. It was by far an understatement, but Logan insisted  that the kid was his responsibility. He also insisted on finding a job, so he could help Frank pay the rent.

_"Well you're a demon you could uh... I don't know, rob a bank?"_

Logan laughed

_"I can't really explain you why, but I need to lay low right now. Plus, that could give him ideas."_

By him, Logan meant of course Andras. Agares's death had hit him harder than Logan could expect. It seemed that without him, without someone to order him around, he absolutely didn't know what to do. And every single word was twisted in his mind. Nicknames were pet names, taking care meant beating, rewards meant... you don't even want to know. It took so much patience to explain him everything.

To tell him that no, hustling was not a right way to earn money.

_"I have done it in the past you know"_

He said once, while sitting on the window. He had learned to appreciate the view. Frank coughed.

_"You would not imagine how many men are ready to pay for what I have to offer."_

Pivnik intervened

_"Huh... yes Andy they're called pedophiles."_

Looking shocked. Andras replied with the same dull tone

_"Well that is Greek for what I have just told you Frank."_

The older man looked at Logan, helpless.

_"What Frank is trying to tell you is: you won't prostitute yourself. Is that clear?"_

Andras raised an eyebrow

_"Is that an order?"_

Logan shrugged

_"Let's say it's a request."_

The boy accepted. Since he couldn't decently spend his days locked in the tiny apartment, Logan decided he could spend some time in the city's library, so he could learn about everything that had happened in the last two centuries. The only condition was that he wouldn't hurt anyone. If he felt like he wanted to cut someone's head, he went straight back home. The first two or three days, he only spent a couple of minute there, because people went to talk to him and he couldn't handle it. His first instinct was to tear them into pieces, and it was forbidden - or requested, whatever - by Logan so he just left.

When Logan came back from work, he found him sit in a corner, with a blank face and a distraught stare.

_"Bad day?"_

Andras just jumped into his arms and held him tight, too tight. If sometimes Logan wondered why he was still with them when this life seemed to turn him upside down, this kind of moments made him understand. Maybe he was getting better, and even if it was just a little, it was still good.

_"Nothing that a good beating won't solve"_

Yeah, certainly just a little.

After a few days, he managed to stay on his own and go to the Library without freaking out. And then it was the movies. He was completely fascinated by the cinema and could spend his entire day watching films. Frank gradually stopped being afraid of him, and Logan considered that if Saskia never called him again, maybe they could just stay there. Frank didn't mind. Quite the contrary actually. He had spent the last decade being lonely, not being able to maintain a relationship with a woman for more than a few days, and even "got dumped online". Having Logan home seemed like a second chance, and he was quite surprised Saskia had let him live. According to Logan she had changed a lot, she was way more powerful, and she could have turned him to dust.

Speaking of, the Argentinian Tornado, an unexplainable meteorological phenomenon had last for an entire week before stopping. Logan didn't tell Frank what it was really about, but still watched the news everyday to know what was going on. Some scientists had discovered a deep crater, covered in a dust thinner by sand. They were still analyzing it. Logan thought that when they would find it was made of sand and human bodies they would probably never disclose the results.

So time passed, quite quickly actually, though so many thing had changed Logan felt like a completely different person.

Different enough to sleep at night.

Different enough to be hungry.

_"You want some Chinese?"_

Says Frank, his bowl warming up in his old micro wave.

_"Yup. That'd be great Franky."_

Frank brings him some and sits next to him

_"I've never heard about a demon who could eat."_

Logan laughs

_"Yeah, I guess I'm special. But I could eat a horse, gimme that."_

At this moment, Andras comes back home, with a weird look on his face.

_"Hey Andy."_

Says Frank, his mouth full of Cantonese rice. Andras replies

_"We have a visitor."_

Frank spits his rice on the floor and Logan rises.

_"Hey Frank, hi Logan..."_

The visitor turns to Andras

_"Hi Chucky."_

Andras frowns. He's seen that movie, and that is not nice. He's not that ugly.

Frank stutters _  
_

_"H...hi Saskia."_

 


	30. Stigmata

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a hard one!
> 
> The quest for God has become a matter of survival, not only for our characters, but also for the Earth! It's time to put personal issues aside and start fighting, but how can you do that when so many loved ones are in a terrible situation?
> 
> (I'm thrilled by my own story, so it seems!)
> 
> What do you think? Share in the comments, or in the kudos! Much love to you all and thanks for still being here!
> 
> Oh and Michael's face is in chapter 13!

_"Sam you can't let her go there, it's suicide!"_

Charlie is gripping Sam's sleeve and she's begging him. They've already had this conversation. Twice. Saskia wants to go to Germany and nothing will convince her to stay. Rudi's life is on the line, and the only person who can help him is Hermann Scholl. Saskia's grandfather. Problem is, when Hermann learned about the deal Saskia's mother had made with Azazel, he wrote to her, commanding her to hand him the "demon-child" over.

_"He wanted to sacrifice her as a baby, what do you think is going to happen now?"_

Sam has lost sleep over this same question. But there is no other way to save Rudi. The tornado lasted for a week. An entire week at the end of which Saskia and Sam almost couldn't get out of bed since Rudi was using all their coven energy. It was dangerous but they couldn't cut their bond. If they did, Rudi would probably die, consumed by his own ability. As long as he could use their common energy, there was still hope he could stop destroying everything. Sam was terribly tired and awfully sad. Dean's crazy eyes and harsh words were like engraved in his eyelids. Every time he tried to close his eyes, he heard him. He saw him. Raising his Blade, making his claim. Meg appearing at his side. Saying she pledged allegiance to the Bearer of the Mark. He had tears in his eyes, almost hoping Saskia wouldn't have created a fire wall to protect him when Dean walked on him calling him a co... Can't even say it.

She had grabbed his hand, saying they needed to leave, right now. He had let her drag him to the circle and in a second they were back in the bunker, back home, but without Dean. Charlie, Kevin and Linda were there, and Sam's first instinct would have been getting away if he hadn't seen Castiel lying on the couch with Gadriel and a woman he didn't know at his side. He was panting, obviously feverish and when Sam asked what had happened to him, Gadriel replied with a harsh voice

_"Your brother happened."_

Sam tried not to notice but felt his throat get tight. He looked at the woman who stared at him with a much kinder gaze.

Gilda, it was her name, was a friend of Charlie's, a fairy from Avalon. After a moment she said Castiel needed to be taken to Oz so his injury could be studied.

_"I cannot do anything here, I am sorry. But in Avalon we have great doctors and fairies with higher powers, I am sure we will be able to do something for him, at least slow down the infection."_

The group accepted Gilda's offer, and after her and Cas's departure, Sam sat on a chair, in shock. The whole thing had been a complete disaster. Saskia sat next to him and took his hand. She didn't look any better than him and he quickly understood why. He went through her mind and saw him. Black Hair. He was there. He was the Knight who was following her, a blond kid at his side. She said they were with her and she let them leave... Why?

_"Logan. His name is Logan."_

She said, and then turned to him, her eyes full of tears

_"I... I let him live... Sam... He uh..."_

Sam took her in his arms and kissed her shoulder. He didn't need any explanation for the time being. She had her reasons for letting him go and certainly good ones. He felt her grab the back of his shirt and pull him closer, heavily breathing, fighting back the tears, just like he did moments before. Linda slowly walked towards them and gently caressed Sam's hair.

_"What happened?"_

She said, with a soothing voice

_"Tell me what happened."_

Sam told her everything, Kevin, Charlie and Gadriel slowly approaching. When he arrived to the part when Dean began to insult and threaten him, he felt Gadriel's hand on his shoulder and understood it was the angel's way to apologize for his earlier behavior. And when he talked about Rudi, Saskia finally talked and said they couldn't leave him there.

_"He's not dying. Not today. Not ever."_

She said, trying to control her voice. Sam agreed. And for the rest of the week, the didn't get out of the bunker and let Rudi use almost all their energy.

_"Sam if you don't wanna do this, I'll understand. He could kill us both."_

Saskia had said. But Sam replied he had understood very well what being a coven meant, it meant being a family. And you never turn your back on your family, you don't quit.

_"Plus I'm sure he would have said he's sure we won't die"_

He added, trying to smile. After six days, when Sam fell asleep, he was so tired he felt like it would be his last night. The Argentinian Tornado was on all the news, getting bigger everyday. But the seventh day, when he woke up, feeling way better, it had disappeared. Saskia barged into his room saying they needed to go there right now. Sam followed, hoping they would find something else than dust. They couldn't use a portal to travel, since they were both almost out of magic, so it was Gadriel who took them there. There was still dust in the air, and the landscape was so devastated it looked like the surface of the moon. They were on the edge of a gigantic crater.

And in the middle of it was a naked man.

Rudi was alive. Barely. His fourth shakra still wide open.

There was only one thing to do if they didn't want him to die.

_"A sleeping curse"_

Explained Saskia. Not really a sleeping curse, more like a freezing one. Freezing Rudi in space and time so he wouldn't use the coven's energy or his ability. Gilda came over and pronounced the incantation, putting Rudi in a deep sleep, until they would be able to find a way to close his fourth shakra again. After days of research, it was fairly obvious that there were not many ways to help him.

They needed a stronger coven, a coven that had already dealt with that kind of energy.

Rudi's original one.

 

***

Dean Winchester was King of Hell for maybe ten minutes.

He had just the time to hear some demons cheer him and call out his name. And then he saw his brother. Not Sam, no. Sam had vanished with the witch. Adam. Adam Milligan, the half brother he hated enough to have left him in the Pit, rotting for more than a thousand days. Who knew what it meant in Hell Time. He was standing in front of him, holding a red haired woman's hand and he said, with a scarily calm voice.

_"You are claiming a throne that doesn't belong to you my boy."_

He recognized the tone. He had already had a conversation with that man, but then he was wearing Sam's face. This was Lucifer. Somehow, the Cage had been opened and he was standing in front of the original King of Hell. Something deep inside of him urged to him kill the Beast, but something else, the thing that made him insult Sam and come at him with his Blade, made him kneel.

He didn't notice Meg kneeling behind him, too overwhelmed by a feeling of joy he didn't fully understand. The Master was back, His Majesty had returned. 

He said, with a shaky voice

_"I was only claiming it for you my King"_

And Lucifer put his hand on his shoulder, replying

_"I know Sword, I know."_

Dean felt his heart beat faster. Was that his new name? He was still strongly holding the Blade, and the weapon was glowing with a blue light. He looked at it, amazed by its beauty and noticed the red veins covering his skin. This was... beautiful. Like Carrara marble, like lightning bolts of pure energy.

_"You feel it, don't you? The power... You have killed your share of angels. Way more than the first Bearer"_

The first Bearer. Yes, Cain, of course. So, was he a better one? Was the Master satisfied?

_"You have reached your second transformation Sword. You are an angel killer now. Of course I am satisfied."_

The Sword was dumbfounded. The Master could actually read his thoughts?

_"What thoughts? You are my weapon, you do not think, you just do as you are told. And in a few kills, you will reach your final transformation."_

The Sword shyly looked at the Master. What did it mean? What would he become?

_"The Sword that will destroy God."_

 

 

***

Well, shitty family reunion was a fucking understatement. When Gabriel arrived in the Cage, he found a mad Winchester and a couple of unknown people, a man and a woman. The man turned to him, smiled and called him "Brother".

He had never seen him before, but there was something familiar in the way he pronounced the word. The woman had some emotion in her eyes and she muttered

_"Sh... Shamash?"_

Gabriel stared at her and replied something witty like _"Sha-what?"_ and before they could have a proper conversation, a third man came out of the Cage.

_"You traitor!"_

He said, and that made him easy to recognize, even if he was wearing an unknown face.

_"Well hey there Michael, it's been a while."_

Michael being himself, he didn't say hi or how are you he just turned to Lucifer and told him to surrender. The woman stepped in front of him and said, with a very cold voice

_"Do not threaten him Enlil."_

Gabriel wondered what they all had with the weird names, but he saw in Michael's eyes that somehow it was ringing a bell since he whispered a suspicious

 _"How..._ "

And he disappeared. Just like that. Not a word of explanation, nothing. Gabriel thought now was certainly not the time to argue. There were two, well three, angels he could trust up there, and he had to warn them this instant. Whatever happens, just don't set foot in Heaven anytime soon. The Apocalypse has just been rebooted.

 

***

_"I need to go to Europe, I have some... personal business to do there. Sam's going with me and I need someone to protect the people we're leaving behind."_

Logan is on the verge of spitting his coffee on the already quite dirty carpet.

_"You want me to do that?"_

Saskia sighs

_"I don't think you understand the mess you're in, the mess we're all in."_

She starts explaining that the archangel Michael is back in Heaven, and is reforming his battalions, just like in the old days. The Angels' Graces are weak, but they can survive for the time being thanks to an artifact no one had the time to take back and hide. Lucifer is King of Hell, with Dean as his personal bodyguard, weapon, it's not sure.

_"We have someone inside, keeping us informed... we had missed something when we analyzed the Blade. Cain was never meant to be the Father of Murder, he was meant to be an Angel Slayer. But Lucifer got locked too quick for Cain to ever approach let alone kill an angel. During the battle, Dean killed at least a dozen of them..."_

And it obviously changed him. According to Meg, who only wants to speak to Gadriel, in Cas's absence, he's no longer himself. He was obviously sired to Crowley, and hated it, but now his personality has completely vanished. He is the Sword, and he's more dangerous than he has ever been.

_"Lucifer is planning to get his revenge on Michael and the Angels. According to a source we have in Heaven, Michael wants the Apocalypse to happen. Which means bringing the fight on Earth."_

Frank comes out of his room where he was for the last hour. He felt like he needed to lie down after hearing the words Mark of Cain and Knights of Hell. He coughs

_"Hum... Hasn't that just... happened... with that big battle and all?"_

Andras shakes his head and speaks for the first time.

_"No. This was nothing. We were five thousands. This is not very impressive, even for humans."_

Saskia nods.

_"Yeah. If they bring their battle on Earth, for real, it means bringing God's Kingdom on Earth. In proper English, it basically means destroying everything we know. Sam and Dean fought these guys a few years ago, we need to use that experience and start fighting back."_

Logan smiles

_"You want to build a Résistance?"_

Saskia replies

_"Label it if you want. But anyway, I need all the fire I can gather, and you're strong. You said you'd help me, that you'd do whatever I'd ask you to..."_

Logan confirms and Andras looks at him with a disappointed stare.

_"I need you to protect my people while I'm gone."_

Logan breathes in and after a moment he replies

_"Can I talk to you in private?"_

Saskia frowns, but still grabs her coat and follows him outside. The autumn air is a little chilly, and Logan is walking fast, not saying a word. After five, maybe ten minutes walking, he enters a coffee shop where everybody greets him with smiles. 

_"Hey man, you're done working for today, what are you doing here?"_

Says a young black man, long dreadlocks covering his shoulders.

_"I'm Sean"_

He says, in a smile, and Saskia just smiles back and nods, a little confused. Logan sits at a table and a few minutes later, Sean brings them two black coffees, patting Logan on the shoulder and calling him "my man".

_"Why did you bring me here?"_

Says Saskia, a little defensive. Logan drinks a little coffee and says, awkwardly

_"This is uh... where I work."_

Saskia swallowed a "I had noticed" and nods. Logan starts explaining her he has built a life here, in New York. He has even managed to keep Andras under control and that wasn't easy. He's made some friends, Sean is one of them, and he's slowly getting used to living a sedentary life. Pivnik is a cool guy, ready to keep them both in and he's reached some kind of balance.

 _"What do you wanna tell me Lo?"_ says Saskia, using an old nickname Logan used to hate, _"that now you're comfy you want me to forget your word?"_

She smiles, and he sees in her eyes she thinks he's still the same. The same backstabbing and selfish bastard.

_"Well hear me out. Everything you have here... it's gonna end bloody if we don't stop this. You're a Knight of Hell, you are under Dean's Command. You being away, means you being a deserter. Now how long do you think your friends are going to survive when Dean Winchester's on your ass?"_

Logan shakes his head

_"You don't understand, that's not what I meant. I didn't mean I wasn't going to help you... look. I just wanted you to see that I've..."_

He closes his eyes

_"That I've changed."_

He sees Saskia's hand gripping her cup, and he understands he needs to be careful. 

_"I know it's been twelve years for you and uh... it's nothing... I mean... it's a really short period of time but in Hell... a month equals... a year..."_

He begins to stir his coffee a little nervously. 

_"You're telling me you spent... 144 years... in Hell?"_

Logan nods. 

_"What did they do to you?"_

He looks at Saskia and sees her coffee is boiling in her cup. She's obviously distraught and he holds her wrist the gentler possible. Saskia jerks and then realizes what she was doing. She mutters an apology and Logan says

_"In the beginning it was just torture... they uh... cut me into pieces until..."_

He interrupts himself

_"Are you sure you want to know?"_

Saskia nods and stares at the table.

_"Until there was nothing left. They did that for maybe half of it and then they... They took your face..."_

He hesitates, seeing Saskia's coffee boiling again

_"And they burnt me to ashes."_

Saskia runs out the room and Logan goes after her, finding her sit on the ground in a back alley, shaking like a leaf. Logan sits in front of her and says

_"I'm sorry. I didn't want to..."_

Saskia gets up and gets a cigarette out with trembling hands. She smokes a first one, then a second, and as she begins the third she's finally a little calmer. 

_"Killing you... and the others... is the worst thing I have ever done in my entire life. It still wakes me up at night sometimes. I see your faces... burning... I smell the burning flesh and..."_

Logan walks a little closer

_"We had it coming."_

He says, trying to lighten the mood. Saskia looks at him incredulously and continues

 _"I know what you've been through and uh... even if I'd really like to have the_ grandeur _to do it... I can't... I can't forgive you."_

Logan nods, he wasn't expecting her to.

_"I carry something... really dark... inside me Logan. It's like... the things that were done to me left a scar..."_

She smokes again, unable to continue. Logan says

_"I'm not asking you to forgive me Kay, I just... I just want you to trust me...even just a little"_

Saskia frowns. It's not gonna be easy.

Logan continues

 _"When I told you I'd do whatever you want me to, I meant it_ _and I'm gonna do it. And I'm pretty sure Andy's gonna tag along. But... "_

He gently takes her cigarette out of her mouth and smokes a little. After all he's the one who made her begin smoking.

 _"I know what it's like... to have stigmas from another life._.. _and seeing who you've become... I really think you can teach me some..."_

Saskia laughs.

_"We'll see about that young Padawan."_

Humor, that's a good sign.

 

***

 

Charlie thinks going to Germany is a suicide mission.

She helped Saskia research during those last three weeks, while Sam was trying to find clues of Dean's whereabouts as the King of Hell's Sword. She thinks finding God is the best thing to do, but so far she hasn't gotten any vision. Because yes, Charlie has volunteered, as a full human, to wear the amulet. And nothing has happened yet.

_"The Grail is a dead end Charlie."_

Says Sam. He adds

_"We need Cas back, we need Rudi back and I know, I know it would be great if God could solve all of our problems..."_

Charlie says

_"I know Sam, I know it seems simple but hear me out. We haven't really tried, have we? Maybe I'm just not...pure? Like Galaad-pure, I mean I'm not..."_

Sam laughs

_"I had that kind of ideas once you know... about the Trials? But that's bull Charlie. You are pure. You're a good person, certainly better than this God will ever be so uh..."_

Charlie takes the amulet off and stares at it. Sam adds _  
_

_"Cas tried to use it a couple of years ago and it didn't work. Maybe the guy just doesn't want to be found. Maybe he has found a way to... I don't know... hack that?"_

Linda arrives in the Library, with three cups of tea on a plate.

_"You all need to keep your faith."_

She says, sitting at the table.

_"That's the only kind of strength you need. Faith. We will win. We will."_

Charlie smiles while blowing on her tea

_"I'd like to have your strength Linda"_

She replies and Linda  says

_"When Kevin disappeared the first time, I had faith I'd see him again. I remained locked in a box for months having faith I would get out. When my son died, I had faith he would be saved... It's all about faith, about trusting Life."_

She drinks a little tea and adds

_"Saskia... I trust her. Let's have faith in her instinct. She thinks that German coven can cure Rudi? Let's have faith in that. And work our way to the top. Everything is going to be okay kids."_

Sam smiles, she really is a Tiger Mom. She says

_"You should come with her Sam. We can take care of ourselves. This place is safe, Gadriel, Hannah and Gabriel aren't far. We'll be fine."_

The hunter frowns, not really convinced.

Linda then takes the amulet on the table and holds it in her closed hand, looking deep into Charlie's eyes.

_"You need to trust yourself Charlie, Sam's right. This purity thing is completely dumb. I trust you."_

Charlie laughs a little, touched by Linda's word. But when she tries to take the amulet, Linda doesn't move. Her eyes are wide open and she's like frozen.

_"Linda?"_

Linda isn't there. She's on the edge of a crater. A middle aged man is standing a few feet away, looking sad and distraught.

 

_"I didn't want this"_

He whispers, looking at the sea of dust.

In a second, he's standing almost on Linda's feet and he yells in her face

" _I DIDN'T WANT THIS!!"_

 

Linda collapses on the floor and drops the amulet. _  
_

Her palm is bleeding.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm sorry it took me so long to update! I'm glad the story is appreciated and followed so don't worry I won't let you down. I just want to be coherent and develop the story and the characters properly. So thanks for your patience and your support.


	31. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Queen Maev is in chapter 13 :)
> 
> And this chapter is also the one to see our 2500th visitor! Thank you guys!

_"Dean?"_

Meg looks at the man in front of her, staring at her with his black eyes. Or maybe not staring at her at all, how could she tell. He's guarding the Throne Room's door, and they both look completely out of place in that bright environment. Yeah because Hell has been redecorated. Well parts of it. It's like being inside of a pyramid, or an ancient temple, with white stone walls and bas-reliefs everywhere. Kimaris and Katrina assist Lucifer, or Enki, as he wants to be called now, and they've shown nothing but kindness to her. No one has died since the battle, when so many demons were killed by that mysterious tornado. Enki is surprisingly benevolent. He hasn't tracked down and killed Crowley's followers, but instead has pardoned them.

She has absolutely no idea what she's supposed to do.

Because on the other hand, there are still many souls in Hell's Cells, and she has no idea what's going to happen to hem. Crossroad demons are still making deals. And Dean Winchester is the scariest thing she has ever seen.

Dark red veins are covering his skin and his eyes haven't come back to normal since the battle. He never lets go of the Blade and doesn't talk to anyone except Lucifer. He doesn't even answer to his own name anymore, only to the word Sword. Lucifer is turning him into a weapon, powerful enough to kill God. That's what she told Gadriel, and he asked her to stay by Dean's side and report Hell's every move to him. That's what she's been doing for a month, in exchange of the promise to be protected in case things turn bad. The angel gave his word and he seems trustworthy, as far a demon can trust an angel.

And he also gives her news of Clarence.

She didn't even have to ask, the first time they saw each other again under the great sequoia. Gadriel told her Castiel had been brought to Avalon and fused with Arkhmoor's Crystal.

_"According to Queen Maev, the Lady of Arkhmoor, this was the only thing to do."_

Explained Gadriel

_"The energy inside the Crystal is powerful enough to fight the infection. For now he's stable, but we don't know if it will be able to cure him or not. The fairies are working on it."_

Meg had to process the fact that the Fairy World was real. She remembered that when she was human, a very, very long time ago, her mother used to take her to the woods, to make offerings to the fairies. For good luck, for a good summer, for the men not to die at sea... Later, during the famine days, when her mother started to weaken, she went back to that place and gave everything she could for the village to finally have a good harvest. Her prayers were never answered, her mother died, and the druids said the only solution was to offer a soul to appease the Spirits. Her soul. Since she had become a demon she had never thought fairies could actually be real.

_"Castiel is getting better. I thought you'd like to know."_

Dean doesn't move.

_"Sam..."_

She tries. Will the mention of his brother wake him up a little bit? It's not the first time she tries.

_"Sam is dead."_

No reaction.

_"Dean? You heard what I've said? Sam is dead."_

She shakes him, but he's like a marble statue, he barely moves and his face is still blank. She sighs, he's definitely gone.

_"I lied. Your brother is fine."_

She looks at him one last time and walks away. If someone has to free the souls trapped in Hell's Vaults it will be her. Dean is gone for good. But there's another Winchester trapped in Hell, the crazy one Lucifer keeps as a vessel. Maybe he can be of some help. Who knows?

 

_***_

_"So... this is your Bat Cave?"_

Logan puts his bag on the ground and looks around him. He's in some kind of mansion, with books and artifacts everywhere. He wonders what kind of Indiana Jones was living there before. Andras is already looking at the books, an expression of excitement on his face. Saskia answers

_"Not my Bat Cave. It used to be the house of a magician named Magnus... Yeah I know."  
_

She says, with a little smile. Logan wants to protest but he can't. After all she pretty much grew up in his car so she knows he was gonna laugh.

_"Anyway the house is invisible from the outside. I made you a key..."_

She gets otr of her pocket a heavy set of iron keys with symbols engraved on them.

_"This one leads you outside of the house, this one outside my Bat Cave... and this one inside."_

Logan looks at the keys and asks

_"Why did you make different keys for inside and outside?"_

Saskia coughs

_"Hum... The Bunker is warded against demons, so you can't come inside, but with that key, you can."_

She adds

_"You just land inside a Devil's Trap."_

Logan nods and says

_"I see."_

And Andras shouts from across the room

_"I think the lady doesn't trust us my dear."_

He elegantly walks towards them and lies on a couch like a cat, adding

_"Either way, I do not care, I like this place."_

He's sprawling while licking his lips, staring at Saskia the entire time. He tries to make her uncomfortable and it's working. He clearly doesn't like her. Back in New York, Logan explained to her who he was and who was the guy Rudi skinned like a rabbit. The kid is obviously damaged and dangerous, even if Logan says he can control him. When they came back to Frank's place, she saw in Andras's eyes he had been worried, he was staring at Logan with barely concealed angst. It was almost disturbing. Logan had never been the kind to bond with anyone when he was human, quite the contrary. He never let anyone enter his personal space. And thinking about it, it hit kinda close to home when Saskia thought about the almost seven years she spent in Nan's house, barely talking to anyone. Abuse does that do you, and it did it to him. Rick...

There are a thousand question she wants to ask Logan. Because what he told her puts her childhood under a completely different light. For example why he loathed her mother for being with Rick. Saskia had always thought it was a basic step-mother hatred, but she remembers Logan used to call her a shitty mother. Every single time they went together on hunts he said " _You should be with your mom, I ain't got time to babysit_ ", but it wasn't about him being stuck with her, it was certainly about Ellen letting her drive around the country for days with an adult man. And every time they were at the camp, he always insisted on sleeping in Rick's RV, always complaining the place was over crowded. But was it about Saskia stealing his bed, as he used to say, or him refusing to let a child sleep in the same room than his father?

And why did he start taking a lot of drugs after Rick's death? Coke, meth even... And what he told her at night when he came to her saying " _what makes you so different? what made you so different?_ "... She thought it was about her ability, and in a way it was, but was he talking about the abuse? About the fact Rick had never laid a finger on her?

She looks at him talking to Andras. What does he see in that kid? His redemption? He's laughing and telling him not to put his boots on the couch.

_"You don't want this place to look like Frank's do ya?"_

Andras sits properly and says, with a little smile

_"Heavens no. He is a very welcoming man, but this place was absolute filth."_

Logan rolls his eyes

_"Yeah your majesty..."_

Logan said Andras is extremely loyal, to the point he would kill with absolutely no hesitation anyone he tells him to. And it's most certainly true. She saw him trying to help Logan on the battlefield, how he didn't hesitate to come close to the fire. If he could be that loyal and protective towards her people, no one could ever harm them. But if one day he decides they're threats... It means everything is gonna be in Logan's hands until she comes back.

Saskia grabs Logan's wrist and leads him to another room. It's hard to talk under Andra's inquisitive gaze.

_"I need to be honest with them okay? I'm gonna tell them who you both are and I want them to feel safe. The Devil's Trap is made of paint, we can scratch it, I can allow you access but..."_

Logan completes

_"You need them to trust me first. Do they know..."_

Saskia says

_"Sam and my Dad do. The others don't."_

Logan crosses his arms

_"Yeah but is Sam..."_

_"Okay with it? He knows you were coming, I told him about you two. Just..."_

Logan briefly looks at the door

_"I'll keep an eye on him, I know he's disturbing but he means well."_

They hear a voice in the other room singing

_"I can hear you!"_

And Logan laughs

_"You see?"_

Saskia nods and adds

_"I'm going back there to explain everything to my friends, use the inside key in twenty minutes okay?"_

Logan has barely the time to say okay than Saskia is already gone. 

He smiles. They still finish each other's sentences. It used to drive him nuts.

 

***

 

This isn't Casa Erotica but it's still nice. The good thing with being a trickster, it's the ability to create alternate realities where you can hide waiting for better days. Gadriel said they could have hidden in the Winchester's bunker, but it would have attracted to much attention, all the more since now Dean Winchester is Lucifer's bodyguard, sword, whatever.

Gabriel feels like the General De Gaulle building the Résistance from London. His home is filled with collaborators and there are just a handful of angels ready to fight against Michael's plans. This handful being himself, Gadriel, Hannah, Eli and Anael. And Castiel of course, but now he's kinda frozen in a fairy crystal. The whole Avalon story was really, really hard to swallow, and if he hadn't had the opportunity to cross to this world and check for himself, he would never have believed it. Meeting Vivian and Maev was so strange. He had heard about them when he was known as Loki, God of Mischief. Queen Maev, or Queen Mab, was known as a fairy who could make dreams come true. As it turns out, all the fairies of Arkhmoor, like Gilda, have this ability, but the wound created by the Blade was so charged with dark magic that no wish could heal it, only the Golden Crystal of Arkhmoor.

Queen Maev was eerily beautiful, just like Vivian. When Gabriel stepped inside the Crystal Room of the Golden Palace, all his wit was stuck inside his throat. Vivian was staring at him with her piercing indigo eyes, her bright white hair framing the most delicate face he had ever seen. She was wearing a long light blue dress, embroidered with complicated arabesques, and there was something so noble and powerful about her that just made him speechless. Queen Maev looked more human, with long blond braids forming a crown around her head. Her dress seemed made of pure gold just like everything around him, and he thought that even in the Garden of Eden he had never seen such beauty and had somehow never felt this much at home, even if he also became painfully aware of his vessel's appearance.

Maev explained than the Golden Crystal had the best healing properties in Avalon, and that her people would work hard to find a cure for Castiel's wound.

_"Because as it appears, this Blade is a threat for us all."_

She said, adding that Oberon himself was getting concerned about the Apocalypse happening again on Earth. That's also how retrieving their memories became their number 1 priority because whatever Michael and Lucifer were planning, it couldn't be anticipated without them knowing what happened before their memories were changed. In the Cage's Antechamber, if Gabriel had no idea why the woman accompanying Lucifer called him Shamash, Michael on the other hand looked like he knew the name she gave him, Enlil. So whatever is happening now is linked to those names, to this particular history, and Kevin Tran, who is awesomeness personified, has already started researching Sumerian Mythology to bring them some answers. For now it didn't give them more information than what's written in the Bible's Genesis, but at least Gabriel knows now who Shamash was for the Mesopotamians. The Sun God, who's also God of Law, Justice and Salvation, the one who helps those who are suffering unjustly.

Gadriel told him about the memory he had the opportunity to look at, when he let Lucifer enter a human settlement.

_"We were apparently talking about the humans being sick and Lucifer said we had to heal them."_

Gabriel frowned

_"Yeah but what does it have to do with me or this uh... Shamash?"_

Hannah said

_"Well Kevin told us humans used to pray to Shamash when they were sick so... Maybe you... worked with Lucifer"_

When she saw Gabriel's confused eyes she added

_"Who obviously was a different person back then."_

Kevin also told him about Aya, consort of Shamash. Goddess of Dawn, but also... sex and youth, and if her attributes initially made him laugh, the mention of her name made him almost nostalgic. Living with humans he quickly understood that this idea that love was only a human sentiment was basically bullshit, but even knowing that, he was never able to actually bond with a human woman, or even a human goddess. It was like there was always something missing. If every angel has a consort, it would make of Kimaris, the woman he saw with Lucifer, the goddess Ninhursag, whose name means Lady of the Sacred Mountain. Now what mountain could it be? Kevin said that in many mythologies, the Gods are supposed to live on top of a mountain, like Mount Olympus for example. As she was also referred as the Great Wife of Heaven, which would explain why she was so protective of Lucifer, she was most certainly his wife. Then, Kimaris wouldn't be her real name but a nickname. According to Kevin, it could be an old spelling for Chimera, the terrible fire-breathing hybrid creature from the Greek Mythology. A war name.

And what a terrible warrior she would be then. Not the kind you want to see commanding demonic battalions.

Plus, Eli, who remained in Heaven, has just informed him that Michael has made an inspection in the Intelligence Division's Quarters, and that he plans on reforming the Division with his own agents. Eli is supposed to gather their memory crystals and escape, but it's like looking for a needle in a haystack, and it's gonna be hard to do that without getting noticed.

For now Michael is still busy tracking down rogue angels and on strike reapers so it gives them a little time. If they manage to get their memories back, maybe they'll find a way to restore all angels' ones. Let's just hope it won't give them even more reasons to tear each other apart.

 

 ***

 

There's a tall man in the Bat Cave and Logan recognizes him instantly. Sam Winchester, the Commander's brother. On the battlefield he was terrifying. He knows Sam could kill him by just looking at him but the man in front of him is quite different than the one he remembers. He looks... kind.

He clears his throat and walks towards the edge of the Devil's Trap

_"Hi I'm Sam"_

He says, staring at him with hazel eyes, almost exactly the same than Saskia's, who standing right behind him, arms crossed and silent, just like Andras is behind Logan.

_"Logan."_

He replies, a little defiant. Andras makes a step forward and says his name in a coy smile, but with very cold eyes. This isn't good.

Sam is looking at the one he used to think as Black Hair, and he looks exactly the same than in Saskia's memories. Quite tall, Dean's height, muscular but dry, not buff. He has long black hair, a strand falling on his face and dark brown eyes, almost black. He has rolled up the sleeves of his gray Henley and Sam can see many scars on his forearms. Deep cuts, traces of restrain (rope burns? cuffs?) and many round scars. Cigarette burns. There's the trace of claws on his neck and another cut under his right eye. Sam remembers what Saskia told him about her group's training. How they made kids as old as ten fight with attack dogs and then real monsters.

_"I know how it sounds, me letting him live and asking him to help us"_

She said, when she called him after leaving for New York. She had thought first about picking them up and explaining later, and when she arrived she realized she couldn't lie to Sam. He always told her how he hated lies, how Dean used to do that all the time, do things behind his back he thought for his own good.

_"I know it sounds like I have Stockholm Syndrom and that's why I didn't tell you... And I'm sorry..."_

Sam laughed.

_"I'm glad you changed your mind."_

He heard her chuckle

_"Well it's just that I know you worry about me going to Germany and I thought... That if I told you to stay here you'd probably not listen and follow me anyway and then..."_

Sam cut her

_"We're kinda alike you and I"_

She replied

_"We are. Listen Logan is who he is and he and I have a very complicated history... but apart from that... he's the best hunter I've ever met. And that was when he was human. It's an asset to have him on our side."_

Sam asked

_"Yeah but can we trust him? And what about the other one?"_

_"You know what ?I'll bring them to you. And you'll see. My healing works on demons so I guess your empathy does to. So you'll tell me and we'll do as you wish."_

_"What if I say we kill them?"_

_"Then I'll do it myself."_

He sees Logan's eyes on him, scanning him, thinking... He looks healthy for a hunter. No visible scars, no marks. Is that some kind of trick or is that guy really the hunter he says he is? Winchester, Winchester... Why does that ring a bell? It's been bugging him since he met the Commander...  He didn't look familiar from up close but now Sam's face does remind him of something. Yeah, Rick worked with a guy named Winchester once, on a vampire hunt. It was in uh...1990? 1991? And he did have two boys but they were kids and Logan was already 18 so... 1990. A year before Kay and Ellen arrived.

_"You met my father?"_

Logan is startled.

_"How did you do that?"_

Saskia coughs

_"He just did Logan, chill"_

Logan briefly looks at her and nods. What the Hell?

_"Yeah I did. Back in 1990, you were what, six?"_

He remembers it clearly now. They had set camp in an abandoned trailer park and he wasn't happy about having two more kids around. Especially when Rick said they'd be safer in his RV than in a motel. Thank Whoever, Rick went hunting with the father and the kids were babysat by Frank.

Sam smiles and adds

_"And Dean was eleven. I don't remember it..."_

Logan laughs

_"Well, you spent four days in my dad's RV playing cards and stuff  with my friend Pivnik if I remember correctly. Your dad didn't want you to hunt..."_

Sam says

_"We were just kids..."_

And he briefly sees a black haired child being thrown on the ground by an adult werewolf. He's maybe ten and his neck is badly  bleeding, but he hears people cheering and laughing and calling his name. Logan is absently looking at the ground.

_"I uh... wanted to thank you both for helping us"_

Andras opens his mouth for the first time

_"I do not see much of a thank you in these restrains."_

And he steps in front of Logan. Sam looks at him but sees nothing. Or more precisely he feels too many things, but nothing understandable, as if he were in front of a gigantic jigsaw with all the pieces shattered across an enormous room.

_"What are you looking at?"_

But he does feel fear. Logan gently pulls Andras back and says, looking at Saskia _  
_

_"I wanna help you. I do."_

Sam thinks about the boy with the werewolf and he tries to follow him. He sees the RV Logan mentioned, and the picture of a woman on the kitchen table. She has long black hair, high cheekbones and almond eyes, native maybe? On the top right corner, someone has written "Ava, 1980". The child is staring at that picture and Sam feels his throat tighten. Mom. Mom is gone. And soon, the night falls, and there are scary things creeping in the dark but the scariest is the one possessing the man who's just entered the room. He know what he has to do.

Without realizing it Sam stepped inside the Devil's Trap and has grabbed Logan's shoulder. Saskia blinked and showed her eyes to Andras to make him step back as he was ready to jump on him. Logan isn't moving an inch, what the Hell is happening?

That's heart wrenching, disgusting and wrong. But he's used to it, to things being ugly, and soon ugly is becoming a part of who he is. Killing soothes the pain. Killing calms him down. Sometimes he thinks that is there were no monsters he'd be a serial killer. He already has the Hillbilly style, living in depressing trailer parks or abandoned places. He's been maybe six months to school and he dropped it. He can read and write and count and that's enough. It's not like he's gonna live long enough to need a job or any prolonged contact with normal people. Live fast, die young, ain't that what they say? So just take whatever you need, coke, heroine, crystal, whatever you can pay whatever makes everyday a little less worse. Nobody cares about your health cause you're all dead men walking here.

Logan looks at Saskia, a little helpless and she whispers " _He knows what he's doing ok? Nothing's gonna happen to you_ "

That's not entirely true. It depends on what Sam sees and decides.

The girl and her mother. There is a lot of hate there, a pit of sadness and anger, and fire, fire everywhere. It's hard to breathe, he wants to get out but he feels his own face melting and it's like it happened a thousand times. He sees the little boy with the blood on his neck standing untouched by the fire in the middle of a blaze. He has the saddest eyes Sam has ever seen while he's watching an older version of himself burn, and burn again.

There's a blond little girl sat in the ashes and she hums a song for herself. She has traces of restrain on her wrist and her lip is bruised. The kids sits next to her and holds her hand, while they both look at the people burning.

Sam steps back and sits on the first chair he finds.

_"What's wrong with him?"_

Says Logan, looking at the obviously distraught hunter.

_"He's clear."_

Replies Sam, a little out of breath. Saskia nods and helps him get up and exit the room.

_"What did you see?"_

Sam is still a little confused

_"Basically he... rejects his adult self, that's what I felt. He does want to help you. Can't say for Andras though, he's too much of a mess."_

Saskia smiles a little

_"Ok then, I guess no one dies today. Let's fetch the others"_

***

 

Saskia is packing her things with a smile on her face. She didn't expect Charlie, Kevin and Linda to be okay with her idea of finding them demon bodyguards, but they trust her enough to accept being protected by Logan and Andras. To be honest, she just told them she knew Logan from her hunting days and she spared them the details. Someday she's gonna have to tell Charlie, Kevin and Linda about her past, the Fire, everything. Until recently she thought it was more than enough to have Rudi and Sam knowing about it, but now she really has trouble keeping secrets. Lying, basically. She used to do that naturally, lying to Muggles. To be fair, apart from Nan she had never really met normal people she could trust before meeting the Scooby Gang. Or hadn't she? Anyway the good thing for now is that they're protected. Angels have their own priorities now, and can't help them as much as before, even if Gadriel and Hannah obviously regret it and duly apologized. But Saskia still made it clear that the demons couldn't be allowed inside the bunker, only inside the storage room's trap. Their role would only be guarding the outside of the bunker.

_"Do not scratch the trap, under no circumstance."_

She couldn't decently ask them to stay buried underground, so she gave all three of them anti location bracelets, still insisting on not going out more than necessary. What happened with Linda and the amulet worries her, even if the cut on her palm was superficial. She told her not to wear it until Sam and she are back from Europe, but Linda refused, saying they couldn't afford losing more time. She said they would study her visions and try to locate God while Saskia's away, and even if she recognized it would be very useful, she's still a little anxious about Linda getting hurt. Vivian said nothing about the amulet hurting the bearer, and she made Linda promise that she wouldn't wear it until they know why. Charlie has already proposed to cross to Avalon and investigate that herself. They're clever, they're organized and she should trust them, but they're humans. Powerless. Let's hope she won't be away for too long.

_"Are you ready?"_

Sam enters the room, his dufflebag in hand, and a deep crease between his brows.

_"What's wrong?"_

She asks.

_"I have to tell you something before we leave, about Dean and me..."_

Saskia sits on her bed and Sam takes a chair.

 

Is that the moment when they finally talk about the elephant in the room?

 

***

 

Dean has been screaming for the last... he doesn't even know.

It's pointless. No sound comes out of his mouth, he's like imprisoned in his own body. It's the worse feeling in the world but somehow, if he could laugh, he would. All his life he's been raised to be a weapon, to serve masters, to fight for a cause he didn't fully understand and now here we are, he's an actual weapon. The Blade is like fused to his body and it's clear now than it has a conscience of its own.

He knows Crowley is dead, but if he could raise him from the dead just to kill him again, he would.

He finally sees the point of this great battle of his. Showing off his brand new legions, but also have Dean killing angels without raising suspicion. He wanted him to transform, he wanted him to be that "Angel Slayer" or whatever he is now. He never had any interest in destroying Heaven, he was a strategist, he knew that Hell needed an enemy to remain united, united under his command. He had never anticipated there would be betrayals from both sides of the fence and that Sammy would come back all charged up with power.

Sammy... He can't completely blame the Blade for claiming the throne. It was just his umpteenth attempt to solve everything on his own, as if life hadn't taught him many times that it wasn't a good idea. When Meg told him earlier Sam was dead he thought this was worse than his worst nightmare, because he would be unable to follow him, stuck in that mutilated body.

What was he thinking? What was he searching for, all these years? Recognition? Salvation? Freedom?

What was the Grail he hoped to find living this lifelong quest?

It's a mystery.

Maybe that the upside of being unable to do anything is that he finally has time to think.

 

And hope Sam's gonna save the day.


	32. Bulletproof

Kevin is on the ground, his head aching and his eyes still unfocused, but he recognizes the silhouette in front of him. Black jeans, leather jacket, long blond hair... That's... Andras? He followed him? He has a knife in each hand and it's clear that the other demons have no chance.

He should have known going out for a walk even in the nearby woods, was not a good idea. But after having spent days on books about Sumerian mythology he needed some fresh air, he needed to see the sky, and with the bracelet Saskia gave him, he thought he was safe. Charlie had just left for Avalon with his mother to ask Vivian why the amulet was hurting her, and even if he had promised to stay inside he thought a little walk was nothing. Those demons appeared the minute he was out, and one tried to knock him down. Andras has a wicked smile on his face, and doesn't kill in a clean way. He's like a cat playing with his prey, tearing off an arm or a leg, and laughing at its pitiful attempts of escape. He's surprised to see him here after what happened in the storage room.

Logan told Andras to stay away from the young Asian boy and to guard the outskirts of the bunker. It's kind of a punishment for what happened three days ago. He thought he'd have preferred to be whipped and here he is, finally getting his share of kill because that said guy sneaked out. So it's not his fault he's alone with him again, right? Anyway it was about time. Boredom had pushed him to trick Kevin into scratching the trap.

At first, he just wanted to see that storage room again, and Kevin happened to be there, checking the inventory, searching for Sumerian artifacts. Kevin asked him what he was doing there, if he needed anything and Andras saw in his concern an opportunity.

As he was looking at the boy staring at him, Andras thought he looked like an innocent young boy, younger than his nineteen or twenty years of existence. And at that moment, something would have made him feel less bored. Cutting this sweet little throat and look at all the pretty blood flowing out of the wound. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe. He thought he should go back to the hidden house, go back right this instant and find something to break or just... hit his head on a wall until the need disappeared. But it had been weeks since he last killed someone. He had promised Logan he wouldn't hurt anyone yes, yes he had. But he also thought he would get to kill some demons when he came here, that he would get to use his knives.  
  
And he was stuck here, in this bunker, and that kid had just scratched the devil's trap because he'd told him he was bored, that he just wanted to see what the bunker looked like, have some company. And that naive boy accepted. Couldn't blame him though, Andras can look like an innocent lamb when he wants to. Oh yes he can. He didn't know he still had it in him. He stepped out of the trap, and when he opened his eyes, his saw Kevin's jugular flutter. He had a smooth skin, no visible scars or marks of illness. Pretty odd but not that much in this era so it seemed. He wanted to touch it or maybe bite it, he was not sure. He did want to see red.

Red, red, red.  
  
 _"Fix it, fix it now"_  
  
He said, stepping back into the circle. Kevin looked confused and Andras yelled  
  
 _"NOW!"_  
  
Kevin grabbed some red paint and Andras sat in the circle, eyes closed, trying to calm down.  
  
 _"What happened?"_  
  
Asked Kevin, sitting on the other side. Andras opened his eyes. He had no idea what could have happened to him.  
  
 _"I almost killed you."_  
  
He said, coldly. Kevin smiled, a little awkwardly  
  
 _"But...why?"_  
  
Andras stared at the boy. He was obviously afraid. He had gotten paler, his pupils were wider... He was aware of the danger but he didn't leave. Weird.  
  
 _"For no reason."_  
  
He answered, smiling.  
  
 _"I'm a demon."_  
  
He added, his chin resting on his palm. He licked his lips. It was going to be interesting. Kevin asked  
  
 _"You just... want to kill people for no reason?"_  
  
Andras tilted his head and after a moment said  
  
 _"I need it. It calms me down."_

At that moment Logan appeared in the circle with a pissed off look. Told Andras to go back to Magnus's house and wait for him there, and said to Kevin

_"Never, ever do that again. Not for me and especially not for him"_

Kevin was pretty sure that Andras had just put himself in big trouble and kinda felt bad about it, even if he didn't mention to Logan what Andras had said. Which was obviously stupid since the guy had just tried to kill him apparently and that Logan should definitely have known. No wonder he had spent his entire childhood being bullied he thought. So Andras was the last person he would have expected to go out and help him.

After a few minutes, Kevin manages to sit, and all the demons are dead. Andras is standing in the middle of the road covered in blood, looking absent.

_"You ok?"_

Asks Kevin.

Andras turns around and stares at him, half confused, half contemptuous

_"You almost got killed, I should be the one asking this question."_

Kevin gets up.

_"I'm fine, don't worry."_

Andras begins to wipe his knives with his thumb and to lick the blood, oblivious of Kevin's disgusted stare.

_"Andras we should get out of here before someone comes"_

The demon doesn't move and Kevin coughs.

_"Seriously, you ok?"_

Andras turns to him, his mouth reddened by his victims' blood

_"I am very, very well"_

He pauses

_"I want an ice cream"_

The walk to the nearby town is awkward. It wasn't like Kevin could drag him back to the bunker, and he's just following him, wondering if by ice cream, he really means the dessert. Andras is humming a song and looks quite content, but there is blood on his clothes and on his hands. He doesn't seem to realize it's gonna look weird, and Kevin is afraid he's gonna lash out at people if he's asked questions.

He tries

_"Let's get you cleaned up a bit..."_

Andras looks surprised

" _Why? We are in the country, this could be any kind of animal's blood"_

Kevin sighs

_"No one here walks around with blood on his clothes, trust me"_

He hands him a tissue

_"Wipe your face and your hands"_

And buttons up his jacket. Andras lets him do, a little amused. They're alone, on an isolated road in the middle of some woods, and this child trusts him enough to bother about his appearance. How is he still alive? It is beyond his understanding.

_"So, you like ice cream?"_

Andras answers, while wiping his hands

_"I do. It was such a rare delicacy last time I was on the surface..."_

Especially since it was Paris during the last years of the Monarchy and the people was starving. Agares had left him a few years before and spent his time traveling and partying with the Marquis de Sade until he got arrested and locked in the Dungeon of Vincennes. Such a good apprentice, Agares used to say, if he had only accepted to sell his soul... But Sade was a free spirit, in his own crazy way, and he refused. So Agares let him rot.

_"Well I have enough money to pay you a bowl"_

Says Kevin trying to sound happy. Andras looks lost again and Kevin doesn't know what to think, if it means he's going to snap or not. He had a conversation, well more like an argument with Logan after the Devil's Trap incident and the guy did tell him to avoid being alone with Andras.

_"Are we there yet?"_

He sounds like a child, looks like a young teen and if he hadn't seen him slaughter four demons minutes earlier he would think he's unable to hurt anyone. His clothes barely hide his thin figure, he's taller than him, yes, but he's slender, almost...fragile. Which he definitely isn't.

_"Just five more minutes."_

In the diner, Kevin looks at Andras eating his ice cream as if he were in the King's Court. He just called the waitress "most gracious" for bringing him a glass of water and everyone inside is staring at them. Kevin has ordered pancakes and has trouble relaxing feeling all these eyes on his back.

_"Thank you, by the way."_

Andras raises his eyes from his bowl and briefly smiles before going back to his ice cream. When he's done, he gently wipes his mouth and says

_"This is the best ice cream I have ever tasted."_

With the most innocent voice and almost starry eyes. The waitress comes back and whispers

_"Would you like another one? On the house?"_

In a smile. She's forty, or maybe forty five. Probably a mom. Kevin is going to say no when Andras winks and says

_"Yes, please Madam, that would be really nice."_

The waitress ruffles his hair and Kevin laughs

_"Dude!"_

Andras looks at him, with his eyes back to cold gray.

_"What?"_

Kevin asks

_"How...?"_

Andras raises an eyebrow and replies

_"I am adorable."_

In a very serious tone. Kevin says, still laughing

_"You need to teach me that"_

Andras nods, and Kevin thinks he smiled. Not his usual smirk or his manipulative and contrived smile. Something real. He's genuinely amused, and Kevin adds

_"Where were you when I was late for my homework?"_

Andras looks at Kevin. The child is smiling, telling him about his school days. He has a bright and innocent smile, fear has almost completely vanished of his eyes. He doesn't quite know how to handle that, it's already difficult enough with Logan. When people are not afraid of him he feels exposed, endangered. Kevin talks about his school friends with a little nostalgia and Andras remembers there was a time when he had friends to. Well one, to be honest. The perks of being always sick and having a private tutor. Leonardo. The governess's son. They were the same age and they bonded over practicing ricochets on the canal.

He died of the Plague, just like his mother, just like everyone around.

_"Andras?"_

He blinks.

_"Yes?"_

Kevin looks worried

_"You looked... out... for a moment."_

Andras gets up

" _Just thinking about the past. Let's go, we need to report this attack."_

Kevin nods and follows him out. He remembers what Logan told him, that Andras was manipulative, that he was strong enough to handle him but that Kevin wasn't. That if he snapped at him, Kevin was as good as dead because his reactions were completely unpredictable.

_"Think of him as a guard, not as a potential friend. He's far from being there yet, like light-years far."_

Well maybe. Indeed, apparently killing does calm him down, and he is impressively strong. But in the meantime he did save him in the woods and he really looked like a kid while eating his banana split. Kevin should know that trusting dangerous people usually means him ending up screwed, but caring about others is like engraved in his hard drive. Plus it's been years since he last had someone of more or less his age to talk to. Though concerning Andras, this is not really accurate.

_"Hey, wait up!"_

Andras stops and turns around

_"And you uh... you've been to school... I mean when you were..."_

Andras raises an eyebrow. He wants to have a conversation?

_"Well, not really. I had a tutor, il signor Buriassi, and I hated him."_

Kevin laughs

_"Really?"_

Andras shrugs

_"Yes. He had taught my brothers before me and every time I made a mistake he hit my hands with a wooden ruler..."_

_"What a jerk."_

Andras tilts his head and has a little smile, this boy is really... interesting.

 _"Have you ever heard of video games?"_  
  
Andras frowns and shakes his head. Kevin grins  
  
" _Great cure for boredom and anger outbursts"_

***

 

Sam and Saskia have rented a small Opel in Munich's airport, and Dean would have said it looks like a toy car. Saskia is driving way too fast on the highway since she learned there were no speed limits. Rudi's coven was pretty easy to find once they found the address in Rudi's cabin. It's apparently close to Lake Constance, near a city named Ravensburg.

_"Burg means castle, raven means...raven as well so... Raven's Castle?"_

Sam smiles

_"That's witchy"_

And Saskia replies

_"Or maybe it means I'm a Ravenclaw"_

Sam laughs and adds

_"The house which prizes wisdom above all things. That's so you and Rudi."_

Saskia lights a cigarette and says

_"Shut up. I'm very wise. And my wisdom tells me that if this mission ends up being a failure, we can still go to the Oktoberfest and get drunk out of our minds."_

Sam grins

_"We could even wear matching Bavarian costumes."  
_

Saskia replies

_"Definitely, you'd look terrific with braids and a Bavarian dress"_

They both burst out laughing. The weather is really nice for the beginning of October and the forest is incandescent. It's beautiful and it reminds Sam that if he did spend his life on the road, he never really had the opportunity to travel, neither had Saskia. And until now they're having a real good time, especially now he knows how she feels about Dean and him.

He has to admit he hadn't anticipated what she told him.

_"I know everything."_

Sam was completely startled.

 _"How do you know? Did Rudi..."_  
  
Saskia smiled  
  
 _"No, he didn't tell me anything. I've always known you were more than what you let people see, since the day I met you two."_  
  
She explained him that when he was brought to her house in North Kingston, sick with the Trials, she saw something in Dean's eyes, something more than brotherly concern.  
  
 _"If he had been older, I would have thought he was your father"_  
  
And when Dean answered Garth's call and learned Saskia had killed her whole group, his expression was half fury and half absolute terror.  
  
 _"I told him I was dangerous under pressure but you were his only concern. He couldn't stop repeating 'what have you done to my brother?'. He thought I had poisoned you."_  
  
She tells him again how she managed to direct her fire in the water filled sink before disarming Dean, adding  
  
 _"He was completely oblivious of his own safety. And when I held him at gunpoint you were still his only priority."_  
  
When she took Dean to the guest room where Sam was sleeping, and the relief on his face was obvious.  
  
 _"He was teary eyed. He tried to hide it but I saw it. At that moment I thought, hunters lie, hunters have covers. These guys aren't brothers, they're  together."_  
  
After all, she had grown up in a pretty homophobic environment and could easily understand why two hunters would pretend they're brothers.  
  
 _"In my group once, I heard the story of a guy, from another group. He was named Chad, or Brad. Anyway there was that rumor he was used by his people as vampire bait and died."_  
  
Sam was shocked  
  
 _"Because he was gay?"_  
  
Saskia nodded  
  
 _"Yeah. So I figured that's what you were. Until Dean came at me in the kitchen and uh... that made me doubt."_  
  
But when she asked Kevin how close they were, when she told Sam about having slept with Dean, the pieces of the puzzled clicked.  
  
 _"Kevin looked embarrassed and you looked jealous."_  
  
Sam frowned, he thought his face was perfectly blank then.

_"And then there was that night in the storage room..."_

When Sam, with his emotions out of control, cried out Dean's name and tried to summon him before Saskia stopped him.

_"It was clear that uh... you were not only missing your brother..."_

Sam nodded. He remembered this night, he couldn't control himself, it was like all the emotions he had denied during the last years had just hit him like a wave. Saskia took his hand  
  
 _"You know, when Kevin said you two grew up in a car... I understood where it could lead._ "  
  
Sam asked  
  
 _"What do you mean?"_  
  
Saskia sat and closed her eyes  
  
 _"I grew up in Logan's car."_  
  
Sam nodded, not daring to say anything. So that was why she always seemed a little cold when he talked about Dean, even if he never doubted she truly wanted to save him from the Mark. But she mostly did that for Sam and that's certainly why she almost burnt Dean when he threatened him.  
  
 _"I... I know it's not the same thing but hum... I know what trauma and isolation does to people"_  
  
She breathed _,_ rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand, and Sam wondered how he could make her understand that Dean and him are a different story. He couldn't say Dean never hurt him, but he never abused him. Their relationship was tangled up, codependent, maybe unhealthy in some ways, but at the end of the day, what defined it was simply their love for each other, and the fact they would do anything to save one another. But he was not in position to judge someone who had ambivalent feelings. He knew that if he had told her in the storage room that Logan wasn't sincere, she would have torched him without hesitating more than a second. And in the meantime, she did have feelings for him. Saskia was close and he felt her emotions flowing towards him. Guilt, pain, anger and something close to love.  
He gently put his hand on her shoulder and she let her head rest on it for a moment.  
  
 _"The only thing I want to know Sam it's... was this..."_  
  
Sam saw what she wanted to ask and answered  
  
 _"He never forced me to do anything, and when it happened, we were both adults."_  
  
Saskia sighed in relief. Sam added  
  
 _"I've always looked up to him and uh... I understand what you mean about him being my father because he practically raised me. It's just that with time... it turned into something else and it took us both years to process..."_  
  
He scratched his jaw  
  
 _"That's when he sold his soul for me that I understood."_  
  
Saskia gently caressed his hand  
  
 _"What did Rudi say?"_  
  
Sam smiled  
  
 _"Something like Dean being my soul-mate, that it was only chance if we were born brothers that... I wouldn't have second thoughts if I had met him in the street or in college."_  
  
Saskia laughed.  
  
 _"I'm not surprised. That hippie..."_  
  
She paused

_"So you love him."_

Sam nodded, thinking, he won't ever pretend he and Dean are something healthy or easy. But there's a simple truth about them

 _"And he really, really loves me. Rudi was right you know, Dean and I share the same Heaven_. _.."_

He must have had a silly smile on his face because Saskia gently tapped his cheek and said

_"As long as this is what you want and what makes you happy I'm fine with it."_

Sam felt tears coming to his eyes and hugged her. She wasn't completely fine with it though, as Rudi had anticipated, but she loved him enough to respect his choice. Even if it was also clear she wouldn't hesitate to defend him against Dean if he threatened him again. As he would defend her against Logan if necessary.

 

_"I think that's right here"._

Says Saskia parking in front of a huge gate in the middle of nowhere.

_"You're sure?"_

Asks Sam, getting out of the car. He reads on a sign

_"Agrippa von Nettesheim Studienzentrum"_

Saskia explains

_"Von Nettesheim was a famous occultist during the 16th century, Studienzentrum means Study Center. Yup, that's the place."_

She breathes

_"Let's get inside and meet my grand-daddy."_

She blinks and shows her amber eyes. If he tries to "sacrifice" her again he's gonna have the surprise of his life.

 

***

 

_"This time we need to get some court clothes."_

Says Charlie, walking down the Yellow Brick Road. They really have to start respecting Avalon's traditions, and she still has a few court gowns in the Green Castle. They're probably gonna fit Linda, but that's not really what concerns her. Linda says

_"You don't seem really happy about it..."_

Charlie stops and looks at the Castle, sparkling on the horizon.

_"Well you remember how quickly I followed you, and how you said it was super nice of me to come so fast?"_

Linda nods

_"Actually I kinda ran away with letting Dorothy a note."_

She sits on the ground

_"I'm the worst."_

Linda sits close to her

_"What happened?"_

Charlie sighs

" _What happened was we won the war against the dark witches really, really quickly. And I'm not complaining you know? But after that, we were just supposed to rule the place like..."_

Linda smiles

_"They lived happily ever after."_

Charlie laughs

_"Exactly! Suddenly I was this dressed up lady with a lot of responsibilities and Dorothy... I mean she was born to rule. She's a real queen. But me? I didn't want to be a wifey ..."_

She hides her face in her hands

_"I didn't want to see disappointment in her eyes, I didn't want to look like a ungrateful brat so I just... did the most cowardly thing I could do."_

Linda gently pats her back

_"You left to help us."_

Charlie has a sad chuckle

_"I did. But I also wanted to leave her, and this place. I wanted to have other adventures... And now..."_

Linda gets up

_"Well I guess it's time to be brave then.  You fought monsters, you can't tell me you're afraid of your ex girlfriend."_

Charlie gets back on her feet and she looks like an ashamed child

_"Just apologize Charlie, I'll be there, it will be just fine."_

Charlie nods and tries to smile. She's always been a terrible girlfriend for all the women she's ever been with and Dorothy is no exception. It's like she can't get attached, she can't settle down. Oz was some kind of a princess dream, any other girl would have marveled at the castle, the gowns, the protocol... But not her. It made her feel like she was in jail. She's always hated responsibilities and she now she had an entire country's fate in her hands. That's why she quickly handed it over to Dorothy, and then she was so busy with everything that it was clear the adventure time was over. So she left.

Surprisingly enough, Dorothy wasn't mad. She was obviously disappointed and sad, and did say that her duty as Lady of Oz had left her no time to mourn Charlie's departure. It was hard to hear but well deserved. Back in her room, Charlie puts on a green gown and gives some clothes to Linda who says, grinning

_"It's an áo dài !"_

Charlie smiles

 _"I didn't know the precise name, but it was a gift from Lord Yu-Huang_..."

Linda looks completely dumbfounded

_"The Jade Emperor? He's from here?"_

Charlie nods

_"Yeah he is. He's the first god of the Tao right?"_

Linda sits

_"Yes..."_

The younger woman crouches near her friend

_"Well, the funny thing is, he's the Jade Emperor but he's the guardian of the Silver Crystal. Jade is actually the name of his kingdom"_

Linda laughs, wiping the tears out of her eyes. She was raised a taoist and with everything that happened to her and Kevin, she had grown wary of everything related to religion. Learning that the Jade Emperor is real is just... too much to handle.

Charlie adds

_"And he's a good guy. I've never met him in person but I met his daughter, Lady Zhinu."_

Lady Zhinu, who weaves the Silver River, the Milky Way... Linda remembers the legend of the Weaver Girl and the Cowherd, the Thât-Tich Festival, her young girl's dreams. It's been years since she last thought about Vietnam, about her parents, about everything she's lost. Charlie takes Linda's hand

_"Maybe that when everything is over I can arrange a meeting..."_

Linda smiles and gets up. This isn't the time to get all emotional.

_"Yes, when everything is over. But for now I need to put that gorgeous thing on."_

Charlie pats her back

_"That's my girl."_

She watches Linda walk away and she thinks they should all take better care of her. She might be a tiger, but it doesn't mean she's bulletproof.

No one is.

 


	33. Naive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go chapter 13 for Adele and Hermann's faces!
> 
> EDIT: And we're past 90 kudos! Much love to you all!

_"Don't burn anything just yet"_

Sam can see Saskia is tense. She's insisted for them to be ready to fight if necessary, but Sam isn't sure that this is a good strategy. They don't know anything about these people, just what Rudi said. They do know a couple of thing though, they're extremely strong and pretty merciless. The strange thing is the place is really calm, but not like just before a storm, no, peaceful, quiet. He can hear birds sing in the old plane trees on the sides of the alley they've been walking on since they entered the domain. The gate wasn't closed. No one was guarding it, no one stopped them when they opened it.

That's certainly why Saskia's worried. Maybe they are expected.

There's a manor at the end of the alley, apparently of Gothic Revival style. It looks like a fairy tale castle, built in white granite, with stained glass windows and ivy running on the walls.

_"Stop walking"_

He whispers in Saskia's ear

_"We're not alone"_

Saskia stands beside him and her eyes turn to amber. She mutters

_"How many?"_

And Sam closes his eyes. Eight...Nine...Ten? But where are they? That's impossible...

_"A dozen... They're...in the trees"_

Saskia frowns

_"They're hiding in the trees?"_

She looks around and sees nothing. The trees haven't lost all their leaves yet, but if there were people there, she would see them, and there's nothing to see.

_"No, they are the trees"_

Replies Sam. That's confusing but that's what he feels. People merged inside the trunks, energy flowing from the trees, they're preparing something. Suddenly, the sky becomes dark as if the night had just fell.

_"That's not good"_

Says Saskia. The park is now really dark, she hears the rolling sound of thunder and she does start feeling power surrounding her. She says, loud and clear

_"We're not a threat!"_

Her eyes turn back to green and she raises her hands

_"We're here to see Hermann Scholl"_

A feminine voice says

_"Who's asking?"_

Saskia breathes in and answers

_"Rose's daughter, Saskia."_

***

 

Dean remembers that scientist in a wheelchair. That's stupid, he can't remember his name it was Stephen something and he has invented a theory about space but that's not why he's thinking about him. The guy has some kind of disease that makes him trapped inside his own body. If he remembers correctly, he can only move one eyelid or something and he communicates through a computer.

Locked-in syndrom, yes that's the name of what he has.

That's pretty much what Dean is going through. When _Sword_ has decided he can't move, he can't. And most of the time, he's just guarding the Throne Room's Door, standing outside like a marble statue. It's been quite a long time since the last time he saw Meg. And even if it pains him to admit it, he kinda miss her. Even if he can't stand her, she's still company. But who would like to spend time talking to a wall?

If he could just drop the Blade. He doesn't know why, but he feels like dropping it would give him back some control over his body. His right arm is covered with red veins, emanating from the Mark, and it looks like his body tries to somehow fuse with it. But he can't move. He can't even blink. He's just staring at the opposite wall with his black eyes on. He knows it because everything seems sharper, more precise and he can see clearly even when the lights are off. Night vision is maybe one of the few good things about being a demon. Anyway it's been several hours since he began trying moving his pinky with no result so far. But he gotta keep trying.

Keep trying to get his body and his life back. Even if moving one finger is harder than climbing the Everest he will get it back, he won't be anyone's hammer anymore.

And if he thinks about it, he's pretty proud of what Sam has done, even if he was fucking scary on that hill. Sam has managed to hide to everyone what he was doing, even to Crowley, to Meg, to him and came on this battlefield like a damn demigod. He's always been afraid of Sam's power. Afraid of a Sam who's able to defend himself, a Sam who doesn't need him. He was always supposed to be the hero, right? To be the one who saves the day and protects his little bro the damsel in distress. Sam being powerful means Dean being useless and he just couldn't stand it. Now he has time to think about it, when Sam had powers, he felt something close to jealousy. He never admitted it, even to himself because that made him the worst, but if he's being honest, when Sam was able to kill demons with his mind, the first thing he thought was Sam had robbed him of the only thing that made him special, his hunting skills.

He had already the brains, couldn't he just let him the muscles? And gosh he knew that was petty and immature, that Sam wanted nothing of the visions, the nightmares and even the powers. That he swallowed that blood for him and only for him, for saving him. And Dean could only see his own helplessness, his who am I now you don't need me anymore? When he saw him on the hill, all powered up and impressive, he felt that familiar sting in his heart and he's sure the Mark took advantage of it. The moment he let his guard down it just slipped through the cracks of his fucked up soul and possessed him all.

Because he can't deny it. In the beginning, he liked the feeling of power the Mark procured him. He liked being the strongest, he liked feeling like he was in charge. Like he was the only one who could do it, no matter what "it" was. Just like when he learned he was Michael's vessel and felt disappointed when he understood it has nothing to do with him as a person, but that it was just some kind of genetic stuff. Just like when Cain told him the Mark could be transferred to someone "worthy". He didn't ask worthy of what.

He likes power.

He's always thought he was some kind of anarchist, but truthfully, he's not. He can be bribed with the promise of responsibilities and recognition. And he knows that throughout History, there were legions of men just like him, ready to sacrifice their lives just to stop being someone everyone walks all over. Ready to proudly go to battle to defend other people's interests, just to hear you're a hero, you're a patriot, basically you are loved and  worthy to be. Seems so pathetic in some ways, so sad.

As if you couldn't just be happy with what you have.

His father was like this. He preferred being some kind of self-proclaimed hero rather than just another dad.

And Dean preferred being a hunter, even a miserable one rather than being just another high school dropout.

He knows Sam doesn't see things that way. That Sam has always a lot of beautiful, complicated, Sam things to say about him, who he is, what he can do. If he had followed his lead, things would have been different. He tried, but too late. But maybe not. After all, he's locked, yes, but he's still here.

If he can just drop the Blade, and then remain in control of himself for five little minutes, maybe Sam will be able to trap him in that trap of his. Because Dean doesn't know what the _Sword_ is supposed to be when its metamorphosis is over, but he clearly doesn't want to know.

He thinks he's just seen his finger tremble.

***

 

Vivian is waiting for Charlie and Linda on the Blue Castle's terrace, and she is as breath-taking as always, though her face shows something close to anger. _  
_

_"I have been informed by Lady Charlie that you were injured while using the amulet Lady Linda, I must say I am very distraught by this information."_

Linda tries to smile and says

_"It's just superficial, don't worry. We just wanted to know if you... knew anything... or saw that before...."_

Vivian seems shocked for a moment

 _"No_ , _absolutely not. I have seen this amulet being used, and Arthur was never injured, never_..."

She closes her eyes and comes back to her gracious and controlled self

_"This is not a good sign."_

Charlie explains

_"Those injuries... They're called stigmas, Niahm. They're hum... corresponding to Jesus's crucifixion wounds."_

Vivian gets up and starts pacing around the terrace.

_"This is a warning, a warning to us faes."_

Charlie says

_"People who bear stigmas, stigmatics... it's been happening since the 13th century so way after the Quest for the Grail and they were all very religious, very faithful, why would God use them like this?"_

Vivian comes back to her seat

_"Because they were not in his prophet list. Somehow, thanks to their faith, those people connected to An's Light, or Grace, whatever you call it."_

Linda asks

_"Through faith?"_

Vivian nods

_"Yes. Faith is a powerful energy."_

Charlie seems incredulous

_"How?"_

The fairy smiles

 _"Well all your thoughts, your memories, intentions and even yourself, your soul, it's all energy. And love is maybe the most_ _powerful of all. Faith is a form of spiritual love."_

Linda seems to understand but Charlie is still lost, so she explains

_"You know, when you tell someone you're sending them good vibrations... it's actually a thing."_

Vivian looks at Linda with a hint of surprise in her eyes and she says

_"Absolutely. Linda's faith you would succeed  strengthened the Amulet's spell and connected her to An's Light, just like those mystics' extraordinary faith did. Just like love connects you on a spiritual level with the object of your affection"_

Charlie bites her lip _._ She's stopped believing in that kind of things, the power of prayer and stuff, when she understood that despite of everything she did and wished, her mother would never wake up.

_"You're saying that praying works?"_

Vivian replies

_"Depends what you mean by working. Sending good intentions, positive energy to someone, yes, it works. Healing energy sometimes does. But praying doesn't change destiny or grant material wishes"_

She says, with a kind smile, and Charlie wonders if can read minds. Vivian continues

_"Anyway An has set some kind of defense mechanism every time someone who is not on his list connects to his Light. Hurting that person the same way we hurt that hum... Jesus."_

Vivian adds

_"Well you were absolutely right to come. We need to protect you from An's Light."_

Charlie asks

_"What I don't understand though is why God wrote to contact you on his Tablets, if it was to react like this?"_

Vivian shakes his head

_"You think An wanted my help? My poor child, you are very naive."_

She doesn't say more, and slowly walks towards the inside of the Castle. Linda and Charlie get up and Vivian adds

_"I am sending a letter to Myrrdin right away. Meanwhile, consider this Castle your home."_

Charlie turns to Linda and says

_"Did she just say she was gonna call Merlin?"_

Linda mutters

_"I... I think she did."_

 

***

 

The sky turns back to light blue and an elderly woman emerges from an oak. She has long gray hair and is dressed very simply, with light yellow linen clothes. She has a very unusual gaze, piercing, puzzling, and as she approaches Sam makes a step back, not really knowing why. She silently stares at Saskia, and she doesn't dare to move, letting the woman scan her or do whatever she's doing.

She caresses her cheek with a surprisingly soft hand and whispers

_"Saskia..."_

Sam comes closer, a little wary, but the woman doesn't seem to see him. Her eyes are now full of tears and she says

_"I am Rose's sister, Adele. Welcome home."_

Saskia can't answer anything. Ellen never mentioned she had a sister. Rudi never said she did either. And why the Hell is she telling her this? Isn't she one of those who wanted to kill her as a baby? She steps back and feels Sam's hand on her shoulder. Adele turns around and says

_"Reveal yourselves, everything is fine"_

Sam and Saskia see people emerging from the nearby trees, just like Adele a few minutes ago. People of all ages and all genders, quietly nodding at Adele and going back to their activities. Among the group, Saskia notices a man with long red hair who has stared at them with defiance in his eyes, but before she can think about it, Adele has grabbed her hand and begun to lead her to the house.

_"I'll announce your arrival to Father, wait here."_

She says, and Saskia heavily sits on the stairs

_"This is wacko land."_

She mutters, getting a cigarette out of her case. Sam sits next to her and pats her back.

_"Well, Adele seem nice."_

Saskia frowns

_"You saw something?"_

He shakes his head

_"Nothing. She's completely... warded? I don't know, it was like staring at a brick wall"_

Saskia fakes a smile

_"Yeah but she seems nice, right? Doesn't matter if my mother never said anything about having a sister."_

Sam raises an eyebrow

_"Oh."_

Saskia chuckles

_"That's what he said."_

After a few minutes, Adele comes back and invites them in. The house is warm and looks comfortable, with old paintings hanging on the walls, and thick carpets on the floor. They enter a large living room, when the only noises are the crackling of the fire and the regular tic-tic-tic of a antique clock.

_"Saskia, let me introduce you to Hermann Scholl, Head of our Coven"_

Saskia bursts out laughing

_"You gotta be kidding me!"_

The man sat on the leather armchair right in front of them is maybe fifty to sixty years old. Way to young to be Saskia's grandfather who should be something like eighty or eighty-five. Adele is going to say something when the man raises his hand, making her keep silent. His eyes are really cold and Sam doesn't like the way he looks at Saskia. He really doesn't. He rises from his chair and walks towards Saskia who makes a lot of efforts not to flash her eyes at him and show him what a real bonfire looks like. _  
_

_"Father..."_

Adele mutters, suddenly looking like a child. Hermann doesn't say a word and keeps observing Saskia who doesn't move an inch. Sam is going to intervene when he says, with a slight accent

_"You are a healer, just like your mother."_

Saskia stares at him with coy eyes, thinking she's way better, and Hermann adds

_"And just like me. That's why my appearance doesn't match my age."_

He smiles, and it totally changes his physiognomy. He now seems warm and welcoming when seconds ago she couldn't say if he wasn't thinking about killing her."

 _"Seeing the extent of your ability I doubt you will ever see any wrinkle on your face my child_."

Saskia frowns and before she can reply anything, the man hugs her and whispers

_"I am beyond happy to see you Saskia"_

Adele begins to cry and joins the embrace while Saskia looks at Sam with "help!" written in her eyes. After a few seconds, they let her go and she instinctively gets closer to Sam.

_"But how..."_

Mutters Adele, still teary eyed. Saskia answers, a little abruptly

_"Hum this is Sam Winchester, my coven brother, and we came to ask for your help."_

Adele wipes her eyes and says

_"Anything liebchen, anything... Just sit down, let me bring you two some tea"_

Saskia would have liked to get this over with quickly because even if they're all teary eyed and welcoming she doesn't trust these people the littlest bit. After all, Ellen never mentioned them, she never even said which country she came from. And Rudi was mutilated by these so called nice people. So no, she won't drink their tea, and she won't taste that Black Forest Cake, even if it looks delicious. Sam is staring at Hermann and Adele, sit on his chair a little stiffly. It's the first time in weeks that he can't see anything when he looks at people, and he feels exposed. Because on the other hand, he feels pierced by Adele's eyes, though he's been visualizing the color black for the last few minutes.

 _"To be honest"_ she says, stirring her tea a little nervously, _"I didn't expect to be welcome"_

She raises her eyes and sees Adele getting teary eyed again. Oh boy. Hermann on the other hand, looks calm, but doesn't reply anything. Saskia tries to keep her voice, and her blooming anger under control, and continues

_"I have been told that you wanted me dead so, you must know that I was in kind of a desperate situation to show up on your doorstep."_

Adele gets up and sits close to Saskia

_"This was a terrible... terrible mistake liebchen, but tell me... are you here for _Röslein_? I mean Rose?"_

Sam looks at the gray-haired woman and feels sadness emanating from her. She must suffer a lot for this to pierce through her protection. But Saskia turns to her, and coldly replies

_"My mother is dead. Sorry."_

Adele sits back on her chair, rocking slowly, and Hermann tells her with a very soft voice, the one someone would use to talk to a distraught child

_"Adelein... Du solltest dich ausruhen"_

Adele gets up, looking absent, and quietly leaves the room. Hermann sighs

_"I told her to get some rest. Your aunt Adele is very fragile Saskia, please don't do that again."_

Saskia sips some tea and Sam sees in her eyes she doesn't give a damn. This is a side of her personality he's never seen and it's quite disturbing. She did tell him she could be ruthless and unscrupulous when she felt threatened, but until this moment, he couldn't really believe it. Adele was quite objectively not dangerous and she hurt her on purpose.

_"I didn't mean to"_

She says, obviously lying. Hermann frowns and says

_"We buried an empty coffin. But that doesn't mean your mother survived when your house burnt. I've never..."_

He pauses

_"...really hoped she had. Adele on the other hand... she always said she felt Röslein's presence..."_

Saskia puts her cup back on the coffee table, a smile appearing in the corner of her mouth.

_"Oh but she did. My mother didn't die in that fire, she asked me to burn the house."_

Hermann looks shocked and Saskia seems to be really satisfied by the effects of her words.

 

 ***

_"How long has he been playing?"_

Kevin looks at Andras, who's sit in the middle of the Devil's Trap and doesn't pay attention to him or Logan at all.

_"I think he was there all night."_

He's been playing GTA for maybe ten hours straight and hasn't made any progress in the game.

_"He just kills hookers, gets away from the police, comes back in the street, kills hookers..."_

Kevin laughs and Logan looks shocked

_"Well I know I'm gonna sound like your grandpa but what kind of game is that?"_

Logan stares at Kevin and is a little puzzled. You could use Kevin's picture to illustrate the "nice kid" entry in the dictionary, and he loves a game where the protagonist is some kind of douchebag whose only dream is to make tons of money by selling drugs and killing people.

Logan thinks he used to be not too far away from being that special brand of douche, and that it's not funny at all, but the kid says

_"It's cathartic."_

The hunter raises an eyebrow and Kevin shakes his head

_"Sorry I meant... it helps you express your anger but without hurting anyone, by uh... making something out of it..."_

Logan still looks skeptical

_"Like what?"_

_"Like... this game is just like a gangster movie you know? So instead of getting mad at people you just use that to... live inside your own version of Scarface for a few hours. Or to kill zombies and save the world from the Apocalypse"_

Logan laughs

_"Though these days seems like we don't need games for that, right?"_

Kevin nods, smiling

_"I don't know that helped me when I was frustrated at some things so I guess it could help him."_

Logan stares at him again, a little smile on the corner of his mouth. Kevin says

_"What?"_

Logan sighs

_"How are you still alive in this fucked up world kid?"_

Kevin replies

_"I'm not. I died once, killed by an angel, and another angel brought me back. And you know what? I don't think being wary of angels would have changed anything. I'm just a human, I don't have powers..."_

He smiles a little and adds

_"Andras is stronger than me, you're stronger than me... I could be wary of you two, but if you decided to kill me that certainly wouldn't stop you, right?"_

Logan nods

_"Why would I lose sleep over something I can't change? If I chose to trust you it makes my life easier."_

Logan whispers

_"Even if it means we could betray you and kill you?"_

Kevin shrugs

_"I'd rather be naive than afraid and miserable."_

Logan tries to pat his shoulder, but his hand is stopped by the trap. That kid is wiser than many adults he knows and used to know. 

_"I would not do anything to you"_

Says Andras, still busy killing virtual hookers. Kevin sits on the ground and asks

_"Oh really? Why is that?"_

Andras looks at him for a second and replies

_"I just... would not."_

Logan burst out laughing

_"Well if I'd known playing video games would calm your killer instincts I would have bought you a whole store of them"_

Andras turns around and says

_"There is absolutely no need. This one is very good, you should try it."_

Logan sits down and says

_"Do you realize there's actually a plot to this game? It's not just about smashing people's head on the sidewalk Andy."_

Kevin steps back and looks at the two demons playing.

In that kind of moments he doesn't regret living the crazy life he's been living since he woke up as a prophet.

 

This is completely surreal.

And absolutely hilarious.

 

 

 

 


	34. Terrible Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Thanks for your continuous support!
> 
> To see Pawel's face, go chapter 13!
> 
> EDIT 12/02: 2 more kudos = happy Akii!
> 
> And guys, I have a little favor to ask you. I know my English grammar is far from being perfect so that would be awesome if someone could correct it. If you want to volunteer, my e-mail contact is on my profile page, and of course I'll credit you.

The Mad Winchester is pretty much a lost cause. In the beginning Meg thought he could tell her something, anything, about Lucifer's plans, but he spends his time laughing like a maniac and rocking back and forth. She's patient, after all she did take care of Clarence when he swallowed Sam's visions, but she's not a saint, and time's running out. She doesn't trust Luci. He's too good to be true.

And if he's too good, he doesn't need demons. He formed some kind of Triumvirate with Katrina and Kimaris, and Meg is pretty sure they have absolutely no interest in leading Hell. They want something out of it, but what? Dean is allowed inside the Throne Room, but since he's as talkative as a block of granite, she can't get anything out of him.

_"Focus Adam, I know you're in there..."_

The boy looks at her, drooling and laughing and says

_"Demon... demon... demon..."_

On several tones and rhythms. Thank Whoever he's locked in a cell because she could punch him right now.

_"Lucifer has plans, Lucifer has used your body, so you know what they are... Just tell me something... Anything..."_

The boy keeps on chanting and Meg goes on

_"If you help me I'll get you out, I promise."_

She's far from being able to even remotely keep that promise but who cares?

_"I'll get you to Sam, you remember your brother Sam?"_

Adam stops talking and stares at her, whispering

_"Sam... Dean..."_

Meg gets closer

_"Yes, Sam and Dean, your brothers."_

Adam grabs the cell's bars and mutters between his teeth

_"They. Left me. There."_

Ouch. Yeah that's right.

_"I'm sure they didn't mean to Adam. I'm sure they tried everything to get you out."_

Adam falls on his back and repeats

_"Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies..."_

Gosh, Dean and his god damn jealousy.

_"Adam? I'm not lying, I wouldn't lie to you okay? This was just a mistake..."_

Adam gets back up like a tumbler toy and Meg continues

_"Just tell me what Luci's planning"_

Adam comes closer, looking like a child who's going to say a very big secret

_"He wants to build a biiiiiiig stone."_

Meg asks

_"A stone? To do what?"_

Adam bites his lip

 _"He calls it the... the... the Monolith_. _It's made of... of all the souls... trapped in Hell"_

Meg mutters

_"All the souls in Hell's Vaults?"_

Adam nods frantically and adds

_"And all the demons! Like you!"_

Meg is puzzled

_"What does he want to do with it?"_

Adam gets even closer and whispers

_"He wants to trap Death... and free his home from ice..."_

Meg is shocked

_"Oh fuck."_

Gadriel told her Kevin had an hypothesis about the Earth's past, about Lucifer and his followers settling on a whole continent that was frozen during the first Apocalypse, probably Antarctica. He also said that in order to freeze it, God probably reversed the planet's poles, and that the only way to do that instantly would have been hitting the Earth's surface with a meteor. An invocation, just like what the Blue Fairy said.

If Lucifer is planning to summon Death to restore his former home, it means he's going to pretty much destroy everything. Adam laughs and says, in a deeper fake voice

_"Earth is corrupted, Earth needs to be scrubbed clean."_

He adds, smiling

_"You're all gonna die soon"_

And Meg groans

_"We'll see about that"_

Her altruist period is over. She's gonna grab her soul in Hell's Vault and get away the quickest possible. Hoping the angels didn't lie when they said they would protect her.

 

***

 _"Just do as I say! I know what I'm doing"_  
  
Kevin stares at Logan, arms crossed  
  
 _"You do? Really?"_  
  
Logan glares at him and Kevin makes a step back, though the demon is in the  trap and can't hurt him. He knows he should take care of his own business but he really doesn't see why Logan is such a control freak. Andras saved his life in the woods. He could have let the demons kill him and pretend he didn't see anything. But he did rescued him, and after that he didn't try to do anything to him, he even said he would never hurt him. He was just his usual weird self.  
  
Logan closes his eyes. This kid isn't a hunter, he hasn't been raised that way. And what is he thinking anyway? He's always hated being given orders and now he's acting just like his father. And the violence... It really scares him sometimes. That instinct. Punch him, make him understand who's in charge. He closes his eyes.

Boy that's hard.  
  
 _"Kevin... I'm sorry I yelled at you it's just... I don't want you to get killed"_  
  
Kevin relaxes a bit  
  
 _"All right, he stays in the trap, I stay out, nothing's gonna happen to me."_  
  
Yeah maybe that was stupid of him to sit inside the trap, but to be frank he didn't really pay attention, and before Logan arrived all freaked out and mad, they were actually having a really good time. Plus, since his mother and Charlie have crossed to Avalon, he's a little bored to be honest. Researching for the angels takes him a lot of time and taking care of Castiel's vessel and watching over Rudi too, but even if Andras is strange - understatement - he's amusing in his own bizarre way, and he finds every single thing fascinating. And he was getting so good at playing Assassin's Creed that Kevin got a little too enthusiastic.

Logan raises an eyebrow, he doesn't get it, does he?  
  
 _"Have you ever been around attack dogs?"_  
  
Kevin doesn't understand what it has to do with their conversation but he shakes his head.  
  
 _"You raise attack dogs to uh... attack everyone except their owner."_  
  
Kevin nods and Logan walks one step closer, looking at him with much kinder eyes than minutes before  
  
 _"It's not like raising guard dogs, you literally want them to attack everyone and especially... those who are nice to them."_  
  
Kevin starts to understand what he means  
  
 _"Because if you don't, then you can't use them to attack someone who's not a threat to them..."_  
  
Logan seems a little lost in his thoughts and absently scratches his forearm.  
  
There's a scar just under his fingers. A dog bite.  
  
 _"When people give them treats, speak with a soft voice or try to pet them, it makes them feel threatened and their first impulse is..."_  
  
Kevin completes  
  
 _"Killing."_  
  
Then adding  
  
 _"You're telling me that uh... Andras is an... attack dog?"_  
  
Logan sighs  
  
 _"That's a little more complicated than that, but yeah."_  
  
Kevin crosses his arms  
  
 _"So he had an... owner?"_  
  
Logan nods  
  
" _Yeah. He's dead now. Saskia killed him. Andy's been through Hell. Literally. And he's done things, really bad ones. My point is, when people are nice to_ _him, like you, or me, it makes him unstable."_  
  
Kevin realizes  
  
 _"That's why he tried to..."_  
  
Logan cuts  
  
 _"Tried to what?"_  
  
Kevin bites his lip  
  
 _"Nothing, I was just thinking out loud."_

He hesitates a little and asks

_"What about now, does he have a... new owner?"_

Logan frowns and then looks positively disgusted

_"God no... Andy is with me because he wants to... Now I don't why he does but hum... I mean you have no idea what's in this head. None."  
_

Kevin smiles, a little amused, and Logan adds

_"I see you wanna help, but kid, there's being selfless and there's being a dead man walking."_

He pauses

 _"Andy's my responsibility okay?_ _If he stabs me because he's bored I'll get over it, you on the other hand..."_  
  
Kevin laughs.  
  
 _"That ain't funny. Anyway I'm here to watch over you, and I'm glad Andy defended you when you went out... But you've seen what he's done to them_ _demons, that's what happens when he snaps at people."_  
  
He coughs  
  
 _"By the way, don't ever go out again."_  
  
Kevin shrugs  
  
 _"I couldn't know that there were demons outside."_  
  
Logan laughs  
  
 _"Fair point but now we know there are, just stay inside"_  
  
He continues  
  
 _"I'll try to catch one so we can know why they're here and who sent them"_  
  
Logan looks determined and Kevin thinks about what Saskia said before she left, that he used to be an excellent hunter. How did he end up in Hell? That, she didn't say, she only said something vague like he did some crazy shit in the past and died angry. That, he can believe. Sam and Dean can get angry and pretty ruthless but something makes him think that Logan is on a whole other level. Though he obviously does a lot of efforts not to show that side of his personality.  
  
 _"I'll be careful with Andras I promise"_  
  
Logan rubs his eyes and says  
  
 _"Yeah, that'd be great kid. Because if somethings happens to you I'm pretty sure Kay's gonna kill me."_  
  
Kevin laughs  
  
 _"Well you'll have to deal with my mom too."_  
  
But he sees in Logan's eyes he's definitely not joking, even if he's smiling. He was being literal. Whatever happened between him and Saskia is far from being as simple as what she said.

 

***

 

Saskia looks at Hermann Scholl and knows she's acting like a bitch. But she can't help herself. Since she set foot in the coven she wants to burn it to the ground, and the more those people are welcoming, the more she wants to fry them.

They don't get to be nice.

Not after what they did to her mother, not after what they did to Rudi, not after what they did to her. They don't get to say it was a terrible mistake, please have some tea. Bastards.

Hermann coughs, looking lost in his thoughts, and the silence is quite heavy for a minute. Sam feels Saskia's anger and is amazed by how good she is at concealing it. If he wasn't an empath, he would think she's just having a polite conversation with her grandfather.

 _"Before you continue Saskia"_ says Hermann, while stirring his tea, _"there is something you need to know, something very important."_

Saskia has a cold smile

_"What is that?"_

Hermann puts his tea cup on the coffee table and answers

_"We never wanted to hurt you. This was all a terrible misunderstanding."_

Sam feels Saskia's rage getting worse, but all she does is sitting more comfortably in her chair and asking, still smiling,

_"How's so?"_

Hermann closes his eyes and starts explaining himself.

_"Your mother probably told you that she was engaged to the heir of an English coven."_

Sam is surprised to see Saskia nod

_"Edwin Croft, if I remember correctly?"_

Hermann looks sad for a second

_"Yes. Before that, she was supposed to marry a boy from our coven, Rudger. But he left us and he... he died, when Rose was fourteen."_

Sam looks at Saskia and she discreetly shakes her head. They won't talk about Rudi yet.

_"You have to know that alliances between covens are very important for the survival of our kind. I, myself, was married to a member of a Scottish Coven, your grandmother, Aileen."_

He says, while getting up and walking towards the chimney. He takes a picture on the mantel and shows it to Saskia. There's a red haired woman, who looks a lots like Saskia's mother, sat on a chair with two little girls on her lap. One looks just like her, it's certainly Rose, and the other one has long blond hair and a happy smile. Is that...?

_"Aileen, Rose and Adele, yes. As you can see, Rose looked just like her mother, that's why her middle name is Helena. Adele on the other hand is definitely a Scholl."_

Hermann smiles a little, and there's something bittersweet in the way he looks at the old picture. Sam is moved but Saskia is still defensive.

_"Originally, it was Adele, our eldest daughter, who was supposed to marry Edwin. It was a crucial alliance at that time, the Crofts being at the head of a quite powerful coven. But when she reached seventeen years old, Adele's power suddenly emerged."_

The old man explains that Adele was born powerless, just like her mother. Aileen was an excellent theorist and practiced magic but she wasn't more than a very talented

_"Magician."_

Completes Saskia, thinking about Rudi's words when he was talking about Magnus. Hermann nods

_"Indeed. And Adele was the same. We were a little disappointed of course, but Aileen taught her everything she knew, and Adele was very passionate about everything related to magic, covens and basically, our people."_

Rose on the other hand, was born a healer and a psychic. Both her powers were weak, but with proper training she would become quite good growing up.

_"And since her powers were not very strong, she wasn't bothered by them. Adele on the other hand..."_

Adele became a channel, almost overnight. She had visions of the past, present and future of all the places she went to. Dozens of spirits came to her for guidance, or just to scream endlessly in her ear.

_"She couldn't sleep, or eat, or do anything. She was constantly harassed."_

Hermann, Aileen and the whole coven tried to find a way to help her, but there was nothing to be done.

 _"Adele is a perfect channel. Her whole self is turned towards receiving, perceiving messages_. _So we had nothing to bind, or everything, which would have had terrible consequences."_

Adele lost her carefree smile and started trying to master her ability, but the exhaustion and the violence of some spirits, not to mention the terrible visions she got from past events, was terrible for her. Slowly, it became clear to Hermann that she needed to stay in Germany.

 _"She was possessed a few times, she had to be restrained_... _She went through three very difficult years, during which Rudiger disappeared and Aileen passed away."_

Hermann looks at the picture again, and Sam dares to talk for the first time

_"What happened to her?"_

Hermann sighs

 _"An aneurysm..._ _She died in her sleep and there was absolutely nothing I could have done but... I was a healer. And I couldn't save my wife..."_

Sam briefly looks at Saskia and feels conflicted emotions. She starts caring but she really doesn't want to.

 _"Anyway,_ _I was... broken at that time and I thought I needed to protect Adele. That's why I decided Rose would marry Edwin."_

Saskia frowns

_"Because you thought she was stronger?"_

Hermann smiles a little

_"Not only. Also because I needed to separate my two girls. Adele was convinced Rose had helped Rudger leave the coven and was shocked she showed so little emotion when we learned he had died."_

He takes the picture again

_"Since the beginning of Adele's awakening, we never had a lot of time to take care of Röslein and she wasn't the kind to show her emotions a lot but... I knew she cared, she was really fond of Rudi, she spent practically her whole time with him. So of course she was sad. I thought that seeing a foreign country would probably do her good."_

But when Adele learned about her father's decision she became extremely angry and refused to see her sister anymore. Rose left for England, and was very happy in the beginning.

_"The Crofts lived in Hampstead Heath, in London, and as you can see, our coven is quite secluded so it was a nice change for a young woman, to live in a big city. Rose really liked the place, and since she was just eighteen, she had a few years ahead of her to enjoy her life in England."_

Everything went as planned until Rose met a boy. William Meyer, a young college student who fell in love with her at first sight. Sam listens carefully. He has never heard this part of Saskia's story, and there is certainly a reason why she's not calming down.

_"After some time she wrote to us, telling us she had met someone who accepted her for who she was and that she wanted out of the coven. So she could marry him."_

Hermann was deeply disappointed and Adele was furious, but there was nothing to be done. Rose and William settled in the country, and at just nineteen years old, Rose was pregnant with Saskia.

_"The Crofts were very kind, very understanding, at that time. They told us they could keep an eye on Rose, to make sure she was all right. And we accepted. I accepted."_

She gave birth to Saskia a few days after her twentieth birthday, and Hermann was regularly informed by the Crofts. Apparently everything was fine for Rose until...

_"Until you and your father died in a car accident."_

He says, rubbing his tired eyes. Sam sees Saskia's hand gripping the chair's fabric.

_"Rose never contacted us, never asked us for help. And the coven's rules are strict, when someone leaves, contact is broken for good. But if she had called I would have welcomed her back... but she didn't..."_

Six months after the tragedy, the Crofts sent a letter saying that Rose had made a deal with a dark coven to resurrect her daughter. That the child was now alive, but showing signs of a very dangerous power.

_"They said they saw you walk and talk, at six months old. That you had burnt your mother's TV... I was extremely worried for Rose. I didn't know if you were really her resuscitated daughter or if you just looked like her."_

Saskia smiles bitterly

_"Like the kid in the Omen?"_

Hermann sighs

_"Yes... a little like this. Adele was better at that time and helped me run the coven so I asked her to write a letter to Rose, telling her..."_

Saskia cuts and says with a barely controlled anger

_"Hand us the demon child over, you are dead to us?"_

Sam looks at his friend and sees tears of rage appearing in her eyes. She always acts like she doesn't care about that part of her history but that's definitely not true.

Hermann gets up and sits close to Saskia who has a hard time not fleeing the room.

_"No liebchen, no. That is what Adele wrote. Out of anger, jealousy and I don't even know... I told her to tell your mother that if she still wanted to remain out of the coven we would respect her decision, but that she needed to let us see you, see... who you were and what you could do."_

Saskia takes a cigarette out and starts smoking without asking for permission. She doesn't even notice Hermann's eyes widening when her cigarette lights up on its own.

_"But Adele sent that terrible thing and a few days after that, we were told your house had burnt to the ground... That there was nothing left."_

Saskia keeps on smoking, but she's far from being calm yet.

_"We went there, to England, for the funeral and... I wanted to see where Rose had lived. So I parked the car down a little road and I walked towards the house with Adele. That's when she had a vision."_

Saskia slowly blows smoke and says with a voice deeper than usual

_"She saw Edwin kill me and my dad."_

Sam jerks. That's why she's so angry and so cold. She never told him about any of this, but he understands now why she was so rough, it must have been really hard to go through this whole conversation.

_"Yes, she did. Rose had never told us anything about that, but Adele saw what happened. Edwin throwing a hex bag on your father's car... The accident was extremely violent and she also saw your mother... running from your house, screaming, trying to revive you both..."_

Hermann wipes a tear with the back of his hand

_"She went into some kind of mental break and I had to call an ambulance. She was kept in a psychiatric unit for a few weeks and all her hair turned gray. She told me everything when she woke up..."_

Saskia is still smoking, not moving or trying to comfort her grandfather

_"What happened to Edwin?"_

She coldly asks. Hermann gets up

_"He had a very unfortunate car accident."_

And he adds

_"His car caught on fire and I'm afraid it was a very slow and painful death"_

Saskia nods, and Sam feels she's a little less angry

_"So Adele, she's been... like this since then?"_

Hermann sits back in his chair

_"Yes. She can't forgive herself for what she did to Rose and she has spent the last almost thirty years hoping she would have an occasion to redeem."_

Saskia wants to tell him she can burn in Hell for what she cares. It's too easy to wreck someone's life and then being all apologies. But she needs to thing about Rudi, about why they're here, and even if it feels nice to hear her grandfather never wanted her dead, it doesn't changed the fact that she and her mom spent years running from Hermann and the Coven. Plus there's no way to know if he's telling the truth or not, only Sam can tell. For all she knows, this whole thing could be utter bullshit.

_"Well I'm sorry I broke the news of Mom's death to her so brutally then."_

She says, trying to remain polite. Hermann is going to ask something when the red haired man from earlier enters the room.

_"Hermann sorry to interrupt you but we have a problem with Else."_

Saskia gets up and asks what's happening. Hermann says

_"Saskia, Sam, this is Pawel. Please come with me, maybe you can be of some help."_

As she sets foot outside, Saskia understand what the problem is as she feels and see a very powerful wind bending the old trees of the park. Sam chuckles

_"I think there's a you somewhere in this place."_

Saskia mutters

_"What the hell is this? Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters?"_

Pawel looks at her with contempt and says

_"What's your problem with that?"_

Saskia flashes her amber eyes at him and says, in a grin

_"None."_

She looks at her grandfather and adds

_"I hope you don't mind if I burn your grass a little?"_

Hermann shakes his head and Saskia walks in the storm. Suddenly, a fireball surrounds her and Sam sees Pawel and Hermann's eyes widen in shock.

_"Don't worry it's just a shield"_

He says, hoping he's right and Saskia's not gonna burn the place down. He's never seen her angry, and suddenly he remembers a thing Logan told him before they left.

_"Don't drive her mad."_

Sam had completely overlooked the comment because he knew in what circumstances Logan and his group had died. After a lifetime of abuse, Saskia's power had overcome her and she had killed them, but now there was absolutely no reason for her to get that angry.

_"I mean... when she's angry she's someone else."_

And now he thinks he's kinda right. Saskia is normally really sensitive and caring, but since they came inside this place she's been nothing like this. She's extremely wary and cold. Who knows what could have happened if she had come alone. He runs after her

_"Let me in"_

And she lets him get inside the fireball.

_"You okay?"_

He asks while they walk towards the source of the storm.

_"No."_

She says, with a cold voice.

_"You don't have to help them if you don't want to."_

Saskia turns around

_"If they have kids like Rudi and I, I want to know what they do to them. And if I see a fucking seal..."_

Sam carefully puts his hand on her shoulder

_"Saskia, think about why we came here okay? We need their help."_

He sees tears appearing in Saskia's eyes and she mutters, between her clenched teeth

_"I'm so frigging mad at them Sam..."_

Sam comes closer and hugs her

_"I know, and you have every right to be but hey?"_

He looks at her and feels her calming down a little

_"I'm here. Nothing's gonna happen to you and I'm on your side. I'm always on your side."_

She nods and wipes her eyes

 _"_ _I just... Holy shit!"_

In front of them there's a little girl, maybe four to five years old, sat on the ground and crying her heart out. She's surrounded by a tornado and Sam whispers

_"That's... Rudi's power right?"_

Saskia looks at him, in awe and says

_"Can you feel her? What's wrong? Why is she so mad?"_

Sam focuses on the child and doesn't see any kind of seal. She's sad because... because...

_"Look, on the ground... right next to her..."_

He says, pointing at a cat, lying on the grass.

 _"I think he's dead_. _That's why she's sad..."_

Saskia makes a few step towards the child and says

_"Honey?"_

The child turns around, screaming, and Saskia thinks she's definitely not good with children. Sam says with a soft voice

_"Sweetheart, we're just protecting ourselves from your wind okay? You're sad because the kitty doesn't wake up?"_

Saskia thinks please, understand English because my German is terrible and surprisingly enough, the child nods. She tries

_"How long has he been like this?"_

She sobs and answers

_"Just now... He's an old cat... But I love him..."_

Saskia walks towards the cat and briefly opens her fire. The child's power is so strong she gets cut all over her forearms.

_"Crap, crap, crap"_

She mutters, waiting for the cuts to heal.

_"You okay Sam?"_

Sam is shocked, but fine. The kid is scarily powerful.

Saskia takes the cat in her arms and he's still warm, she feels energy under her fingers, the cat isn't dead yet, so maybe she can do something for him. She closes her eyes and feels shivers in her hands, the sign she's connecting to the animal. After a few seconds, the old cat opens his eyes and starts purring.

The winds stops instantly and the little girl runs towards Saskia who has barely the time to take her fire back. Else hugs the cat, weeping with relief while Hermann and Pawel are coming to them.

_"That was... that was amazing"_

Whispers Pawel, visibly impressed.

_"I didn't dare coming closer I was scared to hurt Else..."_

He adds, and Saskia sees little lighting bolts running around his fingers. She smiles

_"Oh so you're Storm?"_

He laughs

_"And you're Pyro?"_

Sam says, amused

_"I guess that makes me Empath?"_

Pawel now seems way less wary, and he picks the little Else up saying

_"Let's get Little Miss Jean Grey and her feline companion inside."_

Hermann smiles while looking at them leave and says

_"She has the same power than Rudger... Rose's first fiancé..."_

Saskia nods and her grandfather continues

_"Fortunately for her, her power awakened last year. She's from the same coven than your grandmother Aileen... Poor Rudger didn't have that chance."_

Saskia frowns

_"What do you mean?"_

Hermann shrugs

_"His powers manifested during the last week of his mother's pregnancy. Things were... exploding around her and we didn't know what to do. When she went into labor, we quickly realized that the child was unable to come out on his own..."_

Sam tries

_"Breech delivery?"_

Hermann nods

_"Yes. And he had the umbilical cord around his neck. He was smothering so he..."_

The old man sighs

_"He tried to make his way out."_

Saskia whispers

_"Oh my God..."_

And Sam gently takes her hand. Hermann continues

_"It wasn't his fault of course but..."_

Saskia says with tears in her voice

_"He never told me any of this..."_

And Hermann asks, extremely surprised

_"What do you mean he never told you?"_

Sam sees Saskia can't answer so he says

_"We're here for him, Mr Scholl. Rudi's not dead, he's the one who needs your help"_

 

Hermann stutters

_"Rudger is alive?"_

Saskia nods and finally manages to talk

_"His seal broke... He almost died..."  
_

The old man wipes his forehead, and becomes really pale

_"Mein Gott... That seal was the worst idea I have ever had..."_

Saskia looks at her grandfather, and feels her anger finally disappearing. If she gave a second chance to someone like Logan, she can give one to him. It's hard, because she's the kind to hold a grudge for years, but for her too it's time to grow up, to evolve. Even if there's a sour taste at the back of her throat telling her that all those bastards deserved everything they went through and more.

She holds Sam's hand stronger and says

_"Let's get back inside, I'll tell you everything."_

Everybody makes mistakes.

  
 

 


	35. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! Myrrdin's face is in chapter 13.
> 
> If everything goes as planned, there's only five chapters left! I'm almost sad!
> 
> EDIT 12/08: I'm on tumblr at itsakii.tumblr.com. Wish me luck! And I really look forward getting in contact with all of you :)

When Charlie and Linda were told that Myrrdin was coming, they went to the Castle's terrace, and patiently waited for his arrival, while a white haired fairy was playing a nostalgic song on some kind of harp.

To be honest, they were expecting an old bearded wizard with a pointy blue hat, just like in the Disney movie, or someone looking like a Celtic druid.

_"Lady Charlie, Lady Linda, may I introduce you to Myrrdin, Great Enchanter of Avalon and King Oberon's First Counselor"_

There is a impressively tall Black man standing beside Vivian, wearing a long silver coat, embroidered with floral patterns. Linda is the first to get up while Charlie needs a moment to collect herself. Myrrdin has an amused smile

_"Do not worry, contrary to what some of your people used to think, I am not half demon."_

Charlie gets up really quickly and almost falls

_"Oh my God no, that's really not... I mean in stories you're described like a... a... druid... of sorts..."_

Linda smiles

_"People have changed a lot since the last time you went to Earth. It's far from being perfect but hum... Anyway it's really nice to meet you."_

Charlie stutters

_"A honor!"_

And a rarity. Myrrdin very rarely leaves Oberon's court, so rarely that Charlie and Dorothy never met him. But she has heard about him a lot and no one had ever mentioned his appearance. Certainly because here it doesn't matter. To be frank she feels a little stupid. Myrrdin sits next to Vivian, and asks Linda to give him the Amulet.

_"Lady Vivian told me about your injuries, Lady Linda, and on the behalf of Avalon's Wizards, please accept my sincere apologies."_

Linda says

_"That's not your fault."_

Myrrdin replies, while looking at the pendant

_"Well, An used to be one of us, and his misbehaving affects us all."_

He gets out of his pocket a round black stone and give it to Linda

_"This is a black obsidian, a shield against negative energy. I just need a drop of your blood..."_

He gives her a silver needle

_"And you will be protected, but still able to connect to An."_

Linda nods and uses the needle to collect a drop of blood which falls on the stone. Myrrdin looks at it with a satisfied smile, though Linda can't see anything and he says

 _"Wear it with the amulet, at all times. This obsidian is a very old stone, almost an old friend_ "

Linda smiles and Myrrdin adds

_"As Vivian certainly told you, An is not a benevolent deity, so please be careful. As a matter of fact..."_

He turns to the fairy and she invites him to continue

_"Whenever you know where An is, we would like you to contact us at once._

Vivian explains

_"Oberon has decided to actively get involved in An's capture and your help would be very appreciated."_

Charlie asks

_"Well of course but, what will happen once you know where he is?"_

Myrrdin answers

_"We will seize him and retrieve our crystal, thus restoring the balance in both our worlds."_

Vivian adds

_"By the way, Queen Maev has just informed me that your friend Castiel had just emerged from the Golden Crystal, if you wish to see him."_

Linda smiles

_"That's excellent news!"_

Charlie smiles as well and thanks Vivian for her help, but she has a bad feeling about all this. It's too easy. Sam and Dean told her at length how angels used people to get what they want, how terribly goal oriented they were. Angels are kidnapped fairies, if she understood everything well, so they certainly share character traits like obsessive righteousness. Oz was maybe the only place where there was a little complexity, the closest thing to a democracy, and that's what brought it to almost its destruction, at least according to other kings and queens who've always ruled their land like absolute monarchs.

They told them several times that An was dangerous, but they still don't get personally involved, which can mean two things. Either they're using them as shields or they're hiding something.

The more she thinks about it, the more she's convinced Vivian and Myrrdin are not telling them everything they know.

***

Anael has just barged inside the room telling Michael was planning to destroy the Intelligence Division.

_"Eli is staying there, trying to get our memory crystals and the thing to read them but..."_

Hannah frowns

_"This place is enormous... Does he think he can get them all in time?"_

Anael looks lost. She honestly doesn't know. Since they've started researching the place it has always been clear to them that there had to be an easier way to find and collect the memories, but it's not like Naomi and her people left a handbook. Gabriel has been thinking about this place for days, and something is bugging him. He doesn't remember its existence, but there's a memory related to this place that he can't quite grasp. It's like forgetting the name of a song or a person, he knows it's there, but he can't tell where.

_"Intelligence Division... There's a... Damn..."_

Hannah turns to Gabriel and asks him

_"Is it coming back to you?"_

The archangel looks helpless

_"I guess that's what it feels like when humans get Alzheimer..."_

Hannah chuckles

_"Come on... Shamash..."_

Gabriel looks almost offended

_"Shut up!"_

And Anael intervenes

 _"Stop joking!"_ before being shocked by her boldness, _"I beg your pardon..."_

Hannah gently pats her shoulder

_"Don't apologize, you're right, we need to find a way to help Eli."_

Gabriel sighs

_"Anael can you tell me, again, what this place looks like?"_

The little brunette answers

_"Well, it's an enormous room, it looks like a... I'd say a library, with thousands of glass shelves. And on those shelves there are small crystal pyramids, small enough to fit in a palm, with names engraved on it."_

Gabriel asks

_"So on Gadriel's one, the one you found... There was 'Gadriel' written on it?"_

She replies

_"Yes. And 'Enki' was calling him Gadriel as well."_

The archangel gets up and starts walking while thinking

_"So Gadriel is his real name, right? Or... it's a Hebrew name it means... gate keeper or wall keeper, something like this..."  
_

Hannah says

_"It's not his name, it's... his job. Lucifer wasn't calling him by his name but by the name of his function"_

Gabriel frowns

_"My name, Gabriel, it means Strength of God. Shamash means sun..."_

Anael tries

_"You think Shamash could be a nickname? Like Kimaris?"_

Gabriel is a little lost. Maybe he should just call Kevin, who must be bored to death by Sumerian mythology, but oh well. There's a phone in Casa Erotica 2.0, so he might as well use it. It takes a few calls to reach Kevin, who seems to be in a pretty good mood.

_"Hey Gabriel, how can I help you today?"_

He says, sounding happy

_"Well I'd like a cheeseburger and a diet coke oh wait no! Why the hell were you not answering? Hannah was ready to pop in your hideout!"_

Kevin apologizes and says he's been busy taking care of Rudi and Castiel's vessel. Gabriel calms down and puts him on speaker.

_"What do you want to know about Shamash?"_

He asks, while seemingly eating doritos. Gabriel says

_"Does he have another name?"_

Kevin tells him to wait a minute, the time for him to take a book

 _"Well, Shamash is an Akkadian name_ , _it means sun, and as I told you, the Sumerian equivalent is Utu._ "

Gabriel sighs

_"I know but it's not helping. We think our memories are somehow linked to our real names, and these ones are triggering absolutely nothing."_

Kevin sounds embarrassed

_"Well sorry about that."_

Anael tries

_"Any idea about what could be Gadriel's real name?"_

Kevin replies

_"I thought it was his real name."_

Gabriel says

_"No we don't think it is, we think it was the name of his job, Wall Keeper, Wall of God, something like that."_

Kevin seems surprised

_"Oh... Yeah that's clever... Hebrew would have been... God's people new language then?"_

The angels look at each other, a little dumbfounded, they hadn't thought about that. Kevin asks them to give him a minute.

_"Well... in the Bible... Gadriel was supposed to be the fallen angel who taught war to humans right?"_

Hannah replies

 _"It is a misunderstanding, it was actually Azazel." ,_ she pauses, _"Though I don't know if I can trust what I know"_

Kevin laughs

_"Yeah, yeah, I know, but there is something similar in Sumerian mythology, between two gods, Nergal and Ninurta"_

Gabriel looks somber

_"Doesn't ring a bell..."_

Kevin continues

_"Nergal is the god of war and sickness, and he's been sometimes mixed with Ninurta who is the god of hunt. The interesting part is that Ninurta is also seen as a farmer and a provider. He used to work for Enlil and then Enki became his mentor, and gave him a city to lead."_

Anael whispers

_"That could be him... Lucifer came to him, to the settlement he was working in... Convinced him to provide for the sick humans, then gave him a people to take care of"_

Kevin says

_"Yeah, that's what I was thinking as well. Anyway there's also a very interesting tale about Ninurta, it's the one about the Tablets of Destiny"_

Gabriel is all ears

_"Other tablets?"_

Kevin replies

_"Yeah. In the myth, who held the tablets could rule the universe. And Tiamat tried to steal them using one of her monsters, Anzû. Ninurta killed the monster, and Tiamat's army was defeated"_

Gabriel says

_"So no wonder why Gadriel was said to be one of God's favorite angels if he saved us from Eve..."_

Kevin says

_"Yeah. Anyway that's my best guess."_

Hannah replies

_"We will try this, thank you for your hard work Kevin."_

Gabriel hangs up, and a few minutes later Gadriel arrives a depressed look on his face.

_"I have just seen Meg. Lucifer is planning to build an artifact with the souls trapped in Hell, something powerful enough to summon Death again."_

Anael gets up, looking traumatized

_"Oh dear Lord..."_

Gadriel adds

_"She's asking for our protection. Her soul is apparently in Hell's Vaults, she went back to take it and she will leave right after. Gabriel..."_

The archangel gets up and walks close to Gadriel a little smile on his face

_"Well she's helped us so I guess it's fair."_

Gadriel looks relieved and respectfully thanks Gabriel, who adds

_"Hey Gadriel, does the name... Ninurta rings a bell?"_

The angel whispers

_"Ninurta..."_

Gabriel tells it again and says

_"Yeah, take all the time you need buddy..."_

Gadriel slowly sits down, feeling a little... How is it called, dizzy? It's like he's hit by a thousand of different images, completely unrelated to one another. He looks at the man looking worriedly at him and whispers

_"I know you..."_

He doesn't have the face he used to have when they fought Tiamat side by side. He was taller, his skin darker, but he already had that mischievous expression in his eyes, and always something sarcastic to say. When he decided to side with Enki, Ninurta's resolve as the faithful Gate Keeper of God's human settlement almost disappeared, and finished to vanish as Enki came inside the Garden and began to heal its poor starving creatures.

_"You have changed...."_

He sees fire, fire ravaging everything while a monstrously huge white stone is flying above their cities, he sees his city, Girsu being turned to dust, the humans turned into salt statues while Nergal is shouting " _No one backs down! No one retreats!_ ". And then the cataclysm happens. Night falls in the middle of the day, a giant wave hits everything and the whole land turns to ice. He loses consciousness and wakes up locked in a cell, his memories lost, unable to recognize the red haired woman locked right in front of him.

_"Marduk."_

 

***

_"I'm not surprised he never mentioned it to you... it has always been very painful for him."_

Saskia, Sam and Hermann are back inside, while Pawel went away to take care of the little Elizabeth, nicknamed Else. He explains the whole coven was scared of Rudi and that he was the only one to dare approaching him.

_"We didn't know how to deal with that kind of power. I had just been elected Head of the Coven and I was responsible for Rudi, I had convinced his father to let him live."_

Hermann was aware of the covens' general weakening with their inability to deal with special children. Saskia represses a smile, because Rudi told her exactly the same thing.

_"You have to know that witches are still traumatized by what happened in the 17th century, and we only survived because we divided magic into two parts, light and dark."_

Sam asks

_"How?"_

Hermann replies

_"Well, to survive, we needed to make alliances and it was impossible to do so with dark warlocks in our ranks. That's why many witches and warlocks were banished from their covens in the 17th and later, for using dark magic. The problem was it also affected children born with dangerous powers, like Rudi, or Else."_

He serves himself a glass of Cognac and continues

_"We spent the whole 17th hiding, and after that... It became clear we needed to make alliances with people who could actually protect us so it would never happen again."_

With the 18th century and the Enlightenments, people became less and less superstitious, and the covens slowly reorganized as communities, and also secret societies.

_"The 18th was a century when some people started to study magic, alchemy and everything esoteric again. The oldest order of that kind is the Freemasons...Here in Bavaria, there were those who called themselves der Illuminatenorden, the Illuminates."_

Saskia looks at Sam a sarcastic smile on her face. This is getting completely Dan Brown-ish.

 _"Many other societies were created around Europe, and also in America_. _We offered our collaboration and protection in exchange for them making us, light warlocks, disappearing of people's memory."_

Sam asks

_"How?"_

Hermann answers

_"By saying basically that we are a myth. And it worked. It still does."  
_

Saskia says

_"Who are you protecting them from?"_

Hermann shrugs

_"Demons, creatures... All those who don't want to be researched. And it is useful, trust me. When the American branch decided they wanted to cut loose with the covens, it didn't end well."_

Sam coughs

_"What happened?"_

Hermann sighs

_"Well, their new headmaster could have been a witch hunter. He resented magic and thought that in the 20th century, they didn't need witches to protect them anymore. So he lift the ban on witch hunt in America, which had been decided after the Salem trials, and fired the only capable magician he had."_

He drinks

_"Dozens of witches went back to Europe, afraid of being hunted again. But it didn't brought the man any luck since his whole organization was destroyed by demons a year later."_

Sam stutters

_"What... what was the name of this organization?"_

Hermann answers

_"The Men of Letters."_

 

 ***

 

 _"Logan told me about... What happened to you back there..."_  
  
Andras jerks and looks shocked  
  
 _"What?"_  
  
Kevin stutters  
  
 _"Not...not in details... He just told me you'd been through some rough stuff_   _and uh..."_  
  
He breathes in  
  
 _"I'm sorry you had to kill those guys outside the other day because I was reckless."_  
  
Andras raises an eyebrow  
  
 _"Logan told you I should not be killing?"_  
  
Kevin stutters  
  
 _"No... I just uh... you know maybe you shouldn't be doing that..."_  
  
Andras rolls his eyes  
  
 _"Well, you should know that there are not many ways to deal with an angry demon."_  
  
Kevin coughs  
  
 _"I uh... meant the whole... dismembering thing..."_  
  
Andras sits and says  
  
 _"Oh."_  
  
Elegantly, while twirling a strand of blond hair in his fingers. His gaze begins to drift and Kevin isn't sure of what he should do. The guy is definitely dangerous, he has to remember that. Logan said not to push his buttons, that he could have unexpected reactions. Before he can fully think about it, he sits too and says, with a gentle voice  
  
 _"What happened to you?"_  
  
Andras's eyes become cold as ice.  
  
 _"You do not want to know"_  
  
Kevin disagrees  
  
 _"Listen, I'm maybe young compared to you but I've seen things, okay? I've lost people I mean... I even died. So whatever you did I think I can..."_  
  
Andras shakes his head  
  
 _"You cannot."_  
  
He breathes in, and Kevin see his gaze change and become softer, almost human.  
  
 _"You know that thing you said yesterday, what has been seen cannot be unseen?"_  
  
Kevin nods. It's funny he remembers the stupid things he says while playing GTA.  
  
 _"It is the same thing. The things I have seen, the things I have done or that were done..."_  
  
He closes his eyes. He doesn't want to go further when there's already all the pain in the world in Kevin's eyes. How can he possibly think he could understand? There's nothing to understand. He massacred his father and his family the day he finally stepped outside of Hell, alongside Agares, after 30 years spent in the Pit. Until he liked being tortured, until he became willingly Agares's puppy dog. He doesn't even want to think about what he's done in details, to the new wife and the children... The children. And how someone like Kevin could understand the aching need of hurting others? How seeing someone in pain can bring you to ecstasy, how tainting what is pure makes you feel overwhelmingly powerful? Kevin does not know how hard he fights against this need. His games could be of some help. But nothing equals the feeling of warm blood on his fingers, the taste of iron on his tongue. And sometimes, he still feels like he would need to be chained and...  
  
 _"You cannot imagine them. Because to someone like you they are unconceivable."_  
  
The young man protests  
  
 _"Yeah but..."_  
  
Andras cuts  
  
 _"If I told you just one percent of it,it would corrupt you forever."_  
  
Kevin thinks Andras is being dramatic, but he sees in his eyes that on the contrary, he's very serious. And Andras really is. The more he spends time on the surface the more he feels like the person he used to be is resurfacing. And it scares him to death. Even with his soul locked in Hell's vault, he knows what Andrea would think of Andras. He can't afford being weak again, facing what he's done and the darkness inside of him is getting harder by the day but he can handle it. Andrea would spend days howling until he would died of exhaustion.  
  
 _"I am already corrupted beyond what you can imagine. Some secrets are better left hidden."_  
  
Kevin shakes his head,  
  
 _"You don't wanna talk about it and I respect that. But don't say that like there's no hope for you, there's hope for everyone I mean..."_  
  
He smiles  
  
 _"If we had met six months ago you'd have ripped my head off when I scratched the trap."_  
  
Andras nods.  
  
 _"And the other day, you chose not to."_  
  
He frowns  
  
 _"I had promised Logan."_  
  
Kevin smiles again  
  
 _"Yeah, but were you the kind to keep your promises before?"_  
  
Andras bite his lip. Actually quite the contrary. He respected Agares's orders because he knew what would happen to him if he didn't. The almost scary thing is that he has no idea what will happen if he doesn't keep his promises to Logan. Or maybe he does. But somehow, being left alone seems worse than being tortured now. He says  
  
 _"No... No indeed I was not."_  
  
 _"My point exactly. You've already changed. So there's hope."_  
  
Kevin adds  
  
 _"And you saved my life too, I'm not gonna forget that anytime soon."_  
  
Andras almost replies Logan had asked him too. Which is not entirely true though. They came here to watch over the humans while the Witch and her brother are in Europe. He just does what Logan does. It has nothing to do with him. It almost makes him angry. Why is he trying so hard?  
  
 _"Why are you like this?"_  
  
He asks, incredulous.  
  
 _"Because I'm an idiot?"_  
  
Replies Kevin, laughing.  
  
 _"I don't know man it's just... You look like you need it."_

Andras frowns

_"Need what?"_

Kevin raises an eyebrow

_"People being nice to you?"_

Andras has a cynical laugh

_"You really have no idea who you are talking to, have you?"_

Kevin looks at him with "not buying it" written in his eyes

 _"You've met Dean?"_  
  
The Commander? Yes he does, well he did. He nods  
  
 _"Well, you haven't met him in the best of circumstances but he's the kind to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders..."_  
  
Andras frowns  
  
 _"And?"_  
  
Kevin smiles  
  
 _"He's done things. He's been in Hell, he's been in Purgatory..."_  
  
Andras cuts  
  
 _"Purgatory?"_  
  
Where they keep the worst monsters ever created? Kevin nods.  
  
 _"Yeah. Anyway, he's unable to cut himself some slack."_  
  
Andras looks confused and Kevin corrects  
  
 _"To forgive himself."_  
  
Kevin pauses for a moment.  
  
 _"But you know what, deep down, Dean is a good guy. Really. But this, angsting and feeling like he doesn't deserve to be forgiven it makes him do stupid things. Bad choices."_  
  
Andras asks  
  
 _"How so?"_  
  
Kevin answers  
  
 _"I'm not saying you and Dean are on the same page but anyway, if you think you're a monster, then you're gonna act like one."_  
  
Andras frowns. When he was human, he had been raised to think that redemption is gained through suffering. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. That you had to consider yourself the worthless possible to deserve God's forgiveness. That all men were sinners and life was about abiding for you sins so you would gain a place in Heaven. Being a demon meant embracing your life as a sinner and enjoying making other suffer. That, what the kid's just said, is a third way.  
  
 _"I don't understand..."_  
  
He mutters. Kevin says  
  
 _"Just try to think about who you want to be, starting right now. And do what that person would do."_  
  
Andras frowns  
  
 _"Yes but I have no idea..."_  
  
Kevin grins  
  
 _"As I said, think about it. And let that be your own..."_  
  
He smiles  
  
 _"Quest."_

Andras looks at the boy and is torn between smiling and screaming. Between thanking the kid and tearing his face out with his teeth. Though with the trap it could be pretty difficult. Andrea's voice is getting stronger and stronger, and so do his memories. He should stop coming down here, he should stop talking to him. Maybe he should just leave before it's too late, before Andrea is done scratching the wall between them, and he ends up a drooling mess, an alienate.

He should never have followed Logan. All this, it's his fault.He should never even have talked to him. Why did he anyway? What was his first idea? Oh yes. Having a disciple. Having a new partner in crime. And Logan looked like he could fit the profile. Violent, selfish, with shallow morals and a revenge to take, he seemed perfect. Like a tamed version of Agares. He wasn't tired of Agares though, was he? He just thought it would be nice to have his own, his own what? Pet? Not really. He wanted to show him they were the same, he wanted Logan to choose him and he refused. It made him mad, and bored, and rejected.

When Logan said he didn't want him to get hurt his first impulse was to laugh, and he really thought that was what he was going to do. He liked getting hurt, he said it repeatedly. And he'd just come back from Agares's embrace, marked and scarred, and fulfilled...

And then he found himself holding on to that man for dear life because he was the first to... To care.

_"Andras?"_

What did Kevin say? You look like you need it? What does he mean by look? He doesn't know what he needs. He needs to draw blood, he needs to suffer, he needs to feel something crude and hard and painful because pain makes you forget what you need to, pain buries everything and...

_"Andras hey..."_

There's a hand petting his back and he hears Logan's voice. Yes he did hear the child call him. He's just appeared and told Kevin to step back.

" _Andy?"_

He doesn't need that. He doesn't need comfort, why can't he understand? Why can't he just give him what he's been asking for weeks? Nobody is asking him to be into boys, just to help him let go of all that...that...

_"Andy open your mouth, you're bleeding"_

He mechanically opens his mouth. That was an order, wasn't it? So just give me orders, he thinks, just use your strength against me, make me understand...

_"What's wrong with him?"_

Says Kevin. Logan helps Andras sit on the ground and answers

_"He does that sometimes. But that doesn't last that long usually."_

Get back together, he thinks, get back together. Pick up the pieces, one by one, okay? You know how, you did it many times. But he can't do it with this warm hand on his back because it blurs everything because he can't see the picture anymore. It's just like staring at a broken mirror and everything it reflects is ugly, ugly, ugly.

_"Don't do that Andy! Listen to my voice, stop doing that!"_

Andras is scratching his arms and Logan has a hard time restraining him. Kevin has no idea what he started with his motivational speech. He should have listened to Logan when he told him to stop _._ Andras is moaning things he doesn't understand and fights hard against Logan's hands holding his wrists. And suddenly he just stops and becomes lifeless like a rag doll.

_"It's okay, it's over now."_

Says Logan, with a soothing voice. Andras's eyes are open but absent, scarily blank. Logan is still holding him, and he feels something falling on his arm.

A drop of water.

Where does it come from?

_"Oh god is he...?"_

Kevin whispers. Logan turns Andras around and sees it, though he can't completely believe it. Andras's eyes are lavender again, but that's not what just took his breath away no. They're full of tears. He doesn't move or make a sound, but tears are falling freely from his eyes, like some dam has been broken and nothing can hold back the water anymore. _  
_

He couldn't pick up the pieces and now he's drowning with them.

Logan looks at him and thinks about the Battle, when he was curled up on the floor, begging for mercy in Italian. He doesn't really speak it but he knows a couple of words. Looks a lot like Latin.

_"Va bene Andrea, va bene"_

He feels Andras's hand grabbing his sleeve and the blond boy whispers with a very young voice

_"I am so tired Logan, so, so, so tired"_

Logan picks him up and says

_"I know kiddo I know, let's get you to bed"_

Andras closes his eyes and mutters

_"I don't sleep"_

Logan smiles

_"I know you don't"_

And he carries him away, thinking he's just witnessed a god damn miracle.

 

 


	36. Details

Dean is still standing in the corridor, like a marble statue, and the more he fights to regain control over his body the more he's in pain. But it doesn't matter. He's been there already. He's been there for forty years, when he was ripped to shreds by Alastair every single day.

Pain is just a detail if it can bring him home to Sam.

He can handle anything if he can just see him again.

***

 

Meg is standing in front of Hell's Vaults' door and is quite surprised she's managed to get this far without being stopped by anyone. Hell these days feels like the calm before the storm, and she wonders what's gonna happen when she's inside. Will she be able to get out? Will she be arrested and dragged to Lucifer's quarters?

Doesn't matter, she needs to give it a try.

She breathes in deeply, trying to calm her racing heart down, and opens the door.

This is a little disappointing. Hell usually looks dreadful and scary - well, duh - and she was expecting something of that kind. Not a frigging museum storage area of sorts. Someone has just coughed.

_"May I help you?"_

There's a demon sat on a chair, behind a narrow wooden desk. He looks like a bank clerk and stares at her with a suspicious eyes. Meg walks towards him, trying to look completely at ease and says

_"Yes, can I take a look around?"_

She shows the Knight of Hell's mark on her wrist and adds

_"The King sends me."_

Bank clerk demon suddenly turns completely obsequious

_"Well of course, anything for a King's Knight. My name is Gamygyn, I'm here to serve."_

Meg smirks

_"How does it work?"_

The demon raises an eyebrow

_"Browsing our collection?"_

Meg nods and he gets up, walking towards the middle of the enormous room. Meg notices the aisles radiate from a central space where is standing a reversed black pyramid, maybe three feet high. Gamygyn explains

_"If you are looking for a specific soul, you just need its true name. Repeat it three times, while thinking about the person it belonged to, and it will appear right here"_

He says, while pointing at the center of the pyramid's base. Meg thanks him and adds

_"I would like to be alone, Gamygyn, if you don't mind. King's orders."_

The demon bows and disappears, Meg can finally relax. She clears her voice and says, out loud

_"Meara, Meara, Meara"_

She hears a little sound, something sounding like a bell and suddenly, a little black box, looking like a jewelry casket, appears. There are symbols engraved on the lid, certainly her name, but it's not a language she can read. She lightly touches it, and if at first she thought it was made of lacquered wood, under her fingers it feels more like some kind of stone, the same used for the pyramid.

She's tempted to open the box, but maybe she should wait to be outside to do it, so her soul can fly freely wherever it needs to go. She's about to leave when she thinks about something. She comes back to the black pyramid and says

 _"Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester_ "

Another sound rings out, but it's a different one, a flat one, and nothing comes. So Dean's soul hasn't been ripped of his body by the Mark. Either it's still there, meaning Dean is locked inside his own body, or he's dead. She doesn't quite know how she's gonna break the news to Sam. Oh and there's a last one. One she doesn't have a lot of sympathy for, but who still doesn't deserve to be turned into a giant stone. Gadriel told her he was working with them, so it means he's not complete scum. She doesn't know his complete real name, only his first name, but if she thinks about him enough, maybe...

_"Andrea, Andrea, Andrea"_

She hears several major sounds, several dozens, actually, and then the same amount of flat sounds. Shit. And Gamygyn is soon going to get suspicious. She tries again, visualizing as hard as she can Andras's face, and trying to forget how he repels her. 

A casket appears, same as hers, and Meg grabs it before running back to the door. Gamygyn appears at his desk and says with a polite but irksome tone

_"Have you found what you were looking for?"_

Meg looks at him with contempt - true Knight of Hell style - and says

_"Yes, I did. The King thanks you for your service Gamygyn"_

The demon looks pleased and Meg can't help but thinking he won't be pleased so much when he sucked into Lucifer's Monolith. Now she just needs to go out and meet Gadriel under the great Sequoia, and she will survive, he promised she would.

 

***

_"You're a Man of Letters?"_

It took no less than three hours to Sam and Saskia to explain Hermann everything, from their childhoods to the way they had met, and of course the recent events. Over the course of the evening, Pawel went back to the living room, soon joined by Adele, looking a little better, and by a silent dark haired woman who looked like a 1920's movie star.

Hermann and Adele had a hard time listening to Saskia's stories about her childhood, even if they smiled at some details, like the history behind her name, Jager, meaning hunter in German, and how Rose used her anglicized middle name as her new first name. Adele managed to control herself at the mention of Rose's passing, but got up and sat beside Saskia when she started telling them about what happened after. Saskia had a hard time not telling her to fuck off, strongly holding Sam's hand, while he was trying to send her some calming vibes. But she remembered she had decided to be forgiving and she let her aunt trying to awkwardly comfort her.

Sam's life seemed even more incredible, especially because he tried no to go too much into details and spoke casually about stopping the Apocalypse and going to Hell.

The recent events finished to surprise everyone, even if they remained quite incredibly calm and focused. Hermann had a glimpse of emotion, something close to pride, whenever Rudi was mentioned, and even if she didn't like it, Saskia started to think her dad may have been a little hard on Hermann.

_"So I decided to freeze him until we'd find a way to help him, and it turned out you were the only ones who could. So here we are."_

Pawel is the first to speak

_"Well, you've just told us the Apocalypse is pretty much going to happen again and... you just want our help to cure your father?"_

Saskia raises an eyebrow

_"We can handle the Apocalypse, Sam's done it once."_

The dark haired woman speaks for the first time, with a slightly posh English accent

 _"Well we have heard that and this is..."_ she looks a little embarrassed while looking at Sam, _"this is extraordinary but we have... we have power here, we could help. Couldn't we Hermann?"_

Saskia's grandfather nods

_"I will help Rudger, it goes without a say."_

Sam and Saskia thank him and he continues

_"But Pawel and Theodora have a point."_

Saskia has a sarcastic smile

_"Theodora?"_

The dark haired woman gets up and goes to shake Saskia and Sam's hands.

_"I'm terribly sorry, I didn't introduce myself, I didn't dare to interrupt you... I'm Theodora Croft, but you can call me Theo."_

Saskia looks at Hermann with pissed off eyes

_"Croft?"_

He better have a god damn proper explanation.

 

***

_"So how do you feel?"_

Says Charlie, looking at a seemingly well Castiel. He's wearing traditional Arkhmoor's clothing and looks like any other fae around. That's almost disturbing.

_"Quite well, I must say. I'm not sure I've ever felt so good in my entire life."_

Linda smiles.

_"That's good news, it means we can take you back with us, Kevin is at the bunker, taking care of your vessel."_

Castiel whispers

_"My vessel, right... I don't need one here..."_

Gilda arrives with a glass filled with crystal water and says

_"No, indeed you don't, that's why it feels good to be here. Maintaining your form on Earth's vibratory plan is exhausting... I'm not surprised you angels prefer using a carnal body."_

Linda frowns

_"It's difficult for you to appear on Earth? Why is it pretty much effortless for us to be here then?"_

Gilda smiles

_"It's always harder to descend than to ascend. Ask any other spiritual being!"_

Charlie nods, not sure if she understood properly.

 _"So uh... Castiel could appear to us without a vessel?_ "

The fairy shrugs

 _"He could_ , _but not for long though..."_

Castiel shakes his head

_"I'm afraid I have absolutely no control over this vibratory level thing."_

Charlie says

_"Well Vivian told us God didn't want the angel to be trans-dimensional like the Leviathans were,so..."_

Gilda looks sad

_"That's a shame An cut your wings brother."_

Castiel smiles and thanks Gilda for her concern.

_"I have a question Gilda... When I was in the Golden Crystal I felt... I felt souls around me, people, spirits."_

The fairy says

_"Well of course, as Vivian certainly told you, we are all linked to our Crystals."_

Castiel nods

_"Yes, I remember but hum... What happened to Eden's people when An and Tiamat stole Eden's crystal?"_

Gilda slowly sits.

_"Well, it destroyed Eden, I thought you had understood..."_

Linda and Charlie look shocked. Charlie says

_"I thought Eden had been destroyed during the wars?"_

Gilda replies

_"Well the wars begun right after the Crystal was stolen and Eden was destroyed. How can I explain this properly.... Everything in Avalon is linked to the Crystals, they're the... tip of a gigantic iceberg, the visible part of our world's Life Stream."_

She drinks some water

_"When An and Tiamat decided to leave Avalon, they... uprooted, a part of our Life Stream and took everything linked to it with them, included their people."_

Charlie stares at the fairy, and then at Linda. Yes no one really explained them in details the implications of the Crystal's theft, only saying that it badly disrupted Avalon's balance. She had imagined the conflict as similar to the recent wars, with refugees and people fleeing from their homes to the nearby kingdoms. Castiel looks shocked

_"So we were... not only created from Eden's crystal we... used to be... people? Here?"_

Gilda looks at him with sad eyes

_"Not exactly, not as you, the person you are today, with your identity as Castiel, but yes, of course, I thought it was clear for you."_

Linda says

_"Wait, wait, wait. So when Eden's Crystal will be brought back here, what will happen to the angels?"_

Gilda looks embarrassed and answers

_"They will merge into the Crystal and then will be... reborn... Here. As faes."_

Charlie is shocked

_"Vivian said she would never let fairies die!"_

Gilda replies

_"This is not dying! Their Lights, their energy, being taken back by the Crystal meant them disappearing as individuals, that's why she gave you the amphora. But merging with the Crystal isn't the same thing. Their memories, their souls will be preserved."_

Linda frowns

_"The devil is in the details"_

Charlie is about to protest when Castiel says

_"I understand. Let's go back to Earth, we've got work to do."_

Linda looks at Charlie, a little puzzled and Castiel continues

_"Thank Queen Maev for me, would you Gilda?"_

Before walking to the Golden Crystal, waiting for Charlie and Linda to join him. Gilda pronounces the incantation to open a portal to Earth and she whispers

_"I am really sorry Castiel."_

Castiel turns to her, thinking Dean would have a lot to say about genetics and dickery, but he just politely smiles and says it's all right. He's used being between a rock and a hard place.

And he's also used to screw destiny.

 

 ***

Theodora looks terribly embarrassed and she stutters

_"Oh I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have..."_

Hermann raises his hand and she sits back down. Saskia has a hard time controlling her eyes. She's in control of her ability now, but if she's completely honest, she does have anger issues. That's why she usually does everything not to get angry, from smoking to yoga. And today she's been really pushed hard. Thank God for Sam's presence. Her grandfather looks at her and says

_"Theo is a victim of the Croft as much as you are Saskia. We've been hiding her since she was two years old."_

Is he trying to make her feel bad? Saskia crosses her arms and keeps on looking defiant. Theodora gets up again and sits on the coffee table, right in front of her.

_"Let me Hermann, please?"_

She says, briefly turning to the old man. She looks intensely into Saskia's eyes and begins

_"I'm Henry Croft's, Edwin's brother's, daughter, that, I should have told you the moment I came inside this room, but I was just too excited and..."_

She bites her lip

 _"Sorry. I mean I was excited to meet you two, adult people like Pawel and me, people with",_ she looks like a little girl for a minute, _"dangerous powers!"_

Theodora grabs a teacup on the table and stares at it, with a little smile on her face. Sam and Saskia are amazed when they see the tea flying out of the cup and taking the form of a sphere, as if they was no gravity.

_"I... I control water"_

Says Theodora, visibly happy to see them impressed, and she adds

_"That's pretty cool, right?"_

During a second, Saskia lowers her guard and nods, before remembering who she's talking to.

_"Hermann said you were a victim too, how?"_

She feels Sam's grip on her hand tighten and she tries to calm down. Theo makes the tea come back in the cup and explains

_"Well... My power awakened when I was one and I uh... Apparently...."_

Hermann cuts

_"Henry, her father gave her a bath, according to Theo's mother, he had never done it before, and Theo was crying, he was shouting at her and..."_

Theo completes

_"I drowned him. With the bath's water. My mother saw it and so did... everyone because she had started screaming."_

Saskia nods. Between Rudi's story and this one, she starts to understand why her mother was so scared of her as a child. She certainly knew stories like this one, about powerful children killing their parents, or other people, by accident. Theo continues

_"After that they thought I was evil and decided to uh... how did they call it... give me mercy?"_

She coughs

_"Anyway my mother ran away with me and she thought the last place a Croft would ever go was this coven. Fortunately..."_

She smiles at Hermann with very loving eyes

_"Hermann and Adele took me in."_

Hermann smiles back and Sam asks

_"What about your Mom?"_

Theodora looks sad for a moment

_"She left when I was ten, to join another coven, in Austria. We hum... were never really close."_

Adele gets up and pats the girl's shoulder

_"Don't be sad liebchen, you know we love you."_

Saskia can perfectly imagine what it feels like, though if Ellen could be sometimes merciless with her, she would never have abandoned her. But they weren't very close either. Ellen had dedicated her life to protect her and keep her away from Azazel, but she never really knew her. She never knew what her tastes were, what she liked, disliked. Sam briefly thinks about John and how cold he could be with him sometimes. Do they all share that? Do they all feel like they don't really deserve to be loved because one of the first emotion they saw in their parents' eyes was fear?

Pawel says

_"I hurt my parents too before I was brought here. My mom is from your grandmother's family, she's a Mackenzie. She married my dad in Poland and that's where I was born and where I lived for two years before I short circuited our house."_

Saskia turns to Hermann

_"So basically, you've been taking in special children?"_

Hermann smiles

 _"Basically. After Rudger and Rose's death",_ he pauses, _"I decided to dedicate my life to do right by these children and Adelein..."_

Adele sits back on her chair and completes

_"After what I had done I thought the best way to honor your dear mother's memory would be taking care of children like you."_

Sam smiles and says

_"That's a great idea..."_

But Saskia doesn't seem as enthusiastic

_"How?"_

Hermann asks

_"How what?"_

And Saskia asks him how he takes care of them, looking pretty suspicious. She doesn't seem to be able to trust anyone easily. He tries to seem reassuring and says

_"Pawel and Theo were the first children I helped... It was twenty five years ago. I didn't want to... mutilate anyone... like I did Rudi and I began to work on a way to contain their power without hurting them."_

After two years of research, and many moments of stress with the two children, Hermann and Adele managed to create an artifact to contain the children's power when it became overwhelming, but without binding anything.

_"That was really complicated because we needed a perfect balance, and we also needed the children to be able to use their powers, to master them and in the end we found the perfect stone."_

They chose the Green Aventurine, a crystal which has very interesting properties, as Adele explains

_"That stone helps children deal with their emotions, and it's also a crystal which is very optimistic while being able to swallow negative energies."_

She continues

_"We made pendants, with silver chains because as you certainly know, silver is the metal of balance and has the ability to increase crystals' vibrations..."_

Sam looks at Saskia and she discreetly nods.

_"And finally we created a spell to be able to adjust the level of protection until the day the children could live without it."_

Sam says

_"So you're gonna help Rudi with one of these?"_

Hermann replies

_"Exactly. I will come with you and take care of it myself."_

Saskia smiles a little and thanks her grandfather before asking

_"So what happened to Else?"_

Pawel chuckles

_"Else took it off because the other day the pendant hit her teeth while she was playing. I'm gonna make her a bracelet."_

Saskia looks at Sam and he gently smiles at her. Be cool, be cool. Hermann adds

_"Saskia, Sam, if you don't mind, I would like Pawel and Theo to come with me. I'm afraid my power won't be of use in your incoming battle, but they are both powerful and trained, and could be really helpful."_

Saskia is going to say no when Sam says

_"That would be awesome, thank you. Really."_

Pawel grins

_"Field work! It's been... Well it's never been! You hear that Theo? "_

Theodora smiles like a child again and kisses Sam and Saskia on the cheeks before saying

_"You won't regret it!"_

They both live the room to pack and Hermann says

_"It's very late I'm afraid... If you don't mind, we'll leave tomorrow morning, I'm an old man!"_

Sam gets up and says they don't mind at all. After all, they've only been gone for two days and the world won't crumble because they'll get a night of sleep. Adele gets up as well

_"I asked for a guest room to be prepared for you, please come with me."_

Saskia thanks her and Hermann before following her to the guest room. Why is she still so mad?

The room looks really comfortable, with two large queen beds covered with thick duvets. Sam looks like a kid in a candy store and he lets himself fall on his bed

_'I'm beat... And that's so... comfy..."_

Saskia laughs

_"Don't get used to it princess."_

Sam gets up

_"Saskia?"_

She turns around, while taking off her boots

_"Yeah?"_

He asks, looking pretty serious

_"Why are you being such a bitch?"_

Saskia stares at him with offended eyes and is going to be really nasty when suddenly she cracks up laughing and sits on her bed

_"You're right! Oh my God I was just so awful!"_

Sam starts laughing too

_"I've never seen you like this, it was like you were trying to find reasons to burn the place down."_

Saskia stops giggling and mutters

_"I... I kinda was... Sam?"_

Sam gets up and sits close to her

_"Thanks for coming with me... I could have messed up pretty badly..."_

He holds her close and kisses her hair

_"Well, we're a team, remember?"_

Saskia nods and says, with a little voice

_"It's just that it doesn't change anything you know? Them being nice? And the anger I had... when I thought about my mom's family... these last years it kept me going... And they've just... took it away"_

Sam gently pets her back. He understands what she means. Anger, hate even can be a pretty powerful motive to go on living, but it's also consuming. Revenge cannot be your only reason to live, he learned that the hard way.

_"You have other reasons to go on now, you have a family, you have friends... You don't have to be mad all the time."_

Saskia has a little laugh. She's been angry at the world for so long, leaving her anger behind feels like a loss.

_"You know what Sam? I think you're my first actual friend."_

Sam chuckles

_"Well you're kinda my first actual friend in years."_

Saskia grins

_"Aren't we social?"_

And Sam pushes her, saying

_"Go to bed you brat!"_

Saskia makes an outraged face and replies

 _"That's my bed jackass!_ "

She thought she would be unable to get some sleep but actually, Saskia passed out in maybe five minutes when Sam spent a long time staring at the ceiling, eyes wide open. It's only at night that he can let his mind wander and finally let Dean invade it. He would give anything to have right here, beside him, to hear his heartbeat and to feel his warmth against him. 

He doesn't really have the right to lecture Saskia. If given the choice, he would let An, God, whatever burn the Earth down if he promised he would give him Dean back.

He would gladly die right now if he could be sure Dean was waiting for him with fireworks in his hands.

Sam closes his eyes, and feels a tear rolling down his nose.

He can pretend as much as he wants, he's far from being strong. He doesn't want to think about what Meg said, about Dean being gone, being some kind of empty armor. Dean is still there, somewhere, he can feel it, he can feel his thoughts lingering on his skin. Dean can't be gone. He just can't.

Not with Heaven crumbling and their Elysean Field withering away.

_"Sam?"_

Saskia is sat on the carpet right beside his bed.

_"Sam just so you know..."_

She carefully takes his hand

_"The plan is still saving your brother okay? I haven't forgotten what I promised you when you called me."_

Sam can't answer, but he squeezes her hand.

_"No one is forgetting about Dean, especially not me, you've got my word, brother."_

He turns on his side and looks at her, she has tears in her eyes too.

_"And now we have enough power to summon Captain Planet..."_

Sam laughs while wiping his tears

_"Thanks"_

He says, while Saskia gets back to bed

_"Don't thank me, you're an empath, so that makes you the Heart Planeteer"_

They both burst out laughing and Sam adds

_"Thank you really... Dean and I... we're so used to be variables or... collateral damage..."_

Saskia frowns

_"Well if someone calls you or Dean a variable, I'll burn his face off, does it make you feel better?"_

Sam smiles. Saskia has her own sarcastic way of comforting people but it's still nice to hear.

_"I'm serious Sam, you remember what we said when we became a coven? The coven always comes first. And I've always protected my own, always. Rudi's the same. Our loyalty is to the coven, so to you."_

She stares intensely at him

_"Not to the fairies, not to the angels, not to my family, not even to humanity, to you."_

Sam frowns and nods, feeling tears coming to his eyes again

_"You're not a detail Sam, you're a hero. So trust me all right?"_

Sam gets out of his bed and hugs her tight.

First real friend indeed.


	37. Decoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3000 views and 100 kudos! That's an early Christmas!! Love you guys and thank you so much!
> 
> Happy Holidays to you all!

Linda is standing on a beach. It looks like some kind of tropical paradise, like a landscape you only see on television. It's a very small atoll, with just a few palm trees, bright white sand and turquoise waters. A man is sat on the beach, leaning on a tree, his eyes lost on the horizon. She recognizes him at first sight, he's the one she saw near the crater, the one who yelled at her and then hurt her.

She lightly touches the obsidian and tries to breathe. She's protected, Myrrdin swore she was. He also said the small man in front of her was dangerous, that he wasn't benevolent. She makes a step forward and is surprised to actually feel the warm and soft sand under her bare feet. She knows her body is in the bunker so how can she feel anything physically? Anyway it doesn't matter, she needs to stay focused, and remember what Castiel told her when they came back. Do not call the fairies the moment you've reached him. Talk to him. Try to know if he's done all the things the Faes said he did. Try to know if he can stop the Apocalypse from happening again. And if he can save Dean.

Now she has time to observe him, he does look like the writer, Chuck Surley. Kevin showed her his face on the computer and there's absolutely no doubt it's him. Though Chuck looked like an awkward and nerdy genre writer when the man in front of her looks different. There's something very nostalgic about the way he looks at the ocean, and also something almost sweet. He doesn't look like the war lord that was described to her, the one who didn't hesitate stealing his people's lives to create his own new world, the one who summoned Death itself to destroy his creatures like a child would kick a sand castle.

She makes another step.

_"Stay, stay right where you are."_

He says, still looking at the ocean. Linda clears her voice and replies

_"I'm not a threat, I'm not here to hurt you."_

The man turns to her, and yes, he definitely has kind, sad eyes. That's confusing.

_"I know. It's you I'm worried about."_

Linda points at the amulet around her neck and says

_"I'm protected. Your Light won't hurt me An."_

An gets up and walks towards Linda

_" How did you call me?"_

She tries hard not to step back and answers

_"An. Isn't that your true name?"_

The man has a desperate laugh and replies

_"After all this time you still don't... No, no it's not my name."_

Linda asks, looking a little sarcastic

_"You prefer being called God?"_

He rubs his eyes and whispers he doesn't.

_"I prefer being called Enlil."_

Linda stutters

_"Wh... what?"_

He gently puts his hand on her shoulder

_"I suppose you know me under the name Michael."_

 

***

 

Marduk awakes with Aya at his side, and takes a few seconds to contemplate her one last time. This is the last morning of the world. They won't see another day. An has decided to destroy everything they have built, An has decided to kill them all, and there is nothing they can do to stop him. No one has that kind of power, not even Enki.

But they will still fight. They will fight for their children, for their cities, for their art, and songs, and books and everything they created since the first day they set foot on this planet. He and Aya will stand with Enki and Ninhursag, with Nergal and Ereshkigal, with Ninurta and Ezen, with all their children An calls abominations, and all the humans descending from the tribes they saved from starvation.

He cannot believe that in a few hours, he will fight against his creator, against his brothers and sisters who remained faithful to Eden. The fight against Tiamat feels like it happened just yesterday, when she broke out of her prison with an army of monsters, to ravage Eden and steal its crystal. He had faith in An then, he would have given his life, his Light and everything he had ever owned just to serve him. He had said he would reward his children, that he would give them the Earth, the he would create vessels for them to walk freely on this beautiful planet which remained out of reach. And he had asked his most talented pupil to do that for him. Enki, his favorite son, chose an earthling creature, and blessed its offspring with a drop of every single angel's Light, making it strong enough, intelligent enough and beautiful enough to be perfect vessels.

Enki was the first to incarnate in his, quickly followed by his favorite Annunaki, Ninhursag. Many others followed, and soon decided Earth would be their new home. But it was never An's plan. An wanted his kingdom to be in Eden, not on Earth. He didn't want his progeny to permanently become those flesh and blood, barely evolved apes. He resented the idea of them procreating. And most of all, he grew increasingly jealous of Enki's popularity among his people. He ordered the experiment to be terminated. He ordered everyone to go back to Eden, saying those vessels were not noble enough for them. That they needed to live just like any other earthling animal, except he would, in his mercy, care for them in the afterlife, since they were now harboring a soul. Many listened, led by Enlil and Enzu, but Enki and his closest followers refused. Marduk was torn between his deep admiration for Enki and his loyalty to An. But when he heard that Ninurta, the hero who had slain Tiamat's strongest monsters, had turned to Enki, he decided to flee to Earth.

There he met Aya, and found out about the existence of emotions, love, pain, ache, longing, hope... All those treasures he ignored and that were dismissed as animal traits in Eden. He saw cities being built, and his consort's belly bearing his child. A child half god and half earthling, that he called a miracle, when his former brothers and sisters called him a Nephilim, a corrupter, an abomination. They thought the brilliance of their civilization would save them. They thought their technology would protect them. Until they saw this giant white stone flying above their heads, invisible to humans, but very visible to them and their children, and heard An's words.

Tomorrow you will be punished for you sins. Tomorrow fire will purify this corrupted land.

Marduk can hear some birds singing on the terrace and the city slowly awaken. The humans don't know this is the last time they see the light of day.

_"Oh God... Oh no..."_

Gabriel opens his eyes and feels like he's just been hit by a train.

 

 ***

 

_"Well hello there Sleeping Beauty!"_

Saskia can't hide her joy to see Rudi wake up and she jumps in his arms like a four year old. Rudi holds her, still a little weak and disoriented, while Sam is leaning on the wall, a bittersweet smile on his face.

_"Come here kiddo"_

He says, and Sam slowly sits on the bed, a little awkwardly. Saskia gets up and Rudi hugs Sam, still holding Saskia's hand.

_"S'good to see you two alive and well..."_

Sam gets back up and replies

_"It's good to see you too"_

Rudi stretches a little

_"I don't know how you did it, but I'm pretty damn proud of my coven today."_

Saskia briefly glances at Sam and says

_"Rudi... we didn't exactly do it alone..."_

Sam adds

_"We got some help from uh..."_

At this moment, the door opens and an elderly man walks inside the room.

_"Hello Rudger, it's nice to see you."_

Rudi suddenly gets up and stands in front of Sam and Saskia, as if to protect them. He hisses

_"What are you doing here Hermann?"_

Saskia gently takes his hand and says

_"Sit down dad, he's not a threat, he's the one who woke you up."_

She points at something on his chest and Rudi notices he's wearing an unknown necklace. He touches the green stone on the pendant and feels energy under his fingers. Hermann has just grabbed a chair and sat, while a gray haired woman has just entered the room. Adele. Last time he saw her she was beautiful, blond and a real bitch. Last time he heard of her she was one of those who wanted Saskia dead. Now she just look like a bunny caught in a car's headlights, and not a very healthy or even sane bunny.

_"Well, well, well, the whole Scholl clan?_

He says, while sitting back on his bed.

_"To what do I owe this honor?"_

 

***

 

 

  _"Holy Mother of Shhh..."_

Gabriel blinks several times and realizes he's lying on the ground. He must have fell when he was hit by the memory tsunami, and everybody is looking at him with worried eyes, even Gadriel who's not looking so well himself. Hannah is knelt beside him, and she asks

_"Marduk? That's your real name?"_

Gabriel rubs his eyes and says

_"Yeah... yeah it is... I just..."_

Hannah presses his hand

_"Do you recognize anyone here? Do you know who we are?"_

Gabriel glances at Gadriel who discreetly shakes his head. Apparently he doesn't know them either, and that's only natural. They were certainly already simple soldiers then.

_"I'm sorry, no I don't..."_

Hannah helps him getting back on his feet, and he sits on a couch, quickly joined by Gadriel. When a few minutes ago he didn't feel like he had any connection with him, now sitting close to him feels completely natural. After all, Gadriel, Ninurta, used to be his best friend, the one he used to come to for advise, and he realizes he missed that closeness a lot.

_"I don't think we used to know each other Hannah, I'm sorry. Gadriel and I were friends though."_

Gadriel nods and adds

_"Very good friends."_

Anael has a sad little smile.

_"I'm happy for you two, really."_

And Hannah gently pats her shoulder

_"Eli will find our memories, I'm sure."_

She adds

_"Can you share what you know?"_

Gadriel is going to say of course when his phone rings. It's a text from Meg. "Waiting for you under the big ass tree, got info & need your help, hurry up." He gets up and says

_"I think we should all go"_

Gabriel gets up and doesn't question his friend's idea, while Hannah and Anael look at their new dynamic with puzzled eyes. Gabriel adds

_"Gadriel's right, and after that we will tell you everything we know."_

In Sequoia National Park, Meg has a hard time not fleeing when she sees four angels arriving, but Gadriel looks reassuring enough for her to stay. Clarence is still MIA apparently, and it doesn't look good.

_"I need you to keep your promise Gabriel"_

She says, with a shaky voice she tries to hide. She takes the little casket out of an old tote bag

_"I found my soul down there, so now I need to free it, but I don't know..."_

Gabriel gently takes the artifact and says

_"Your recognize that Nin?"_

Gadriel nods

 _"That's made of Uru",_ he looks at the puzzled people around them, _"Of orichalcum, an alloy of crystals and metals, never knew the real formula but that's..."_

He slowly opens the casket and takes a little black pyramid inside it.

 _"That's it, your soul's inside_ "

Meg asks

_"What am I supposed to do with it?"_

Gabriel looks at Gadriel and says

_"Do it."  
_

He holds a screaming Meg while Gadriel takes out his Angel Blade and strikes the pyramid in full force. A bright light blinds them for a second, and Meg is still fighting Gabriel, yelling

_"YOU SON OF A BITCH!"_

Gabriel lets her go, and when she's going to stab him with her knife she suddenly stops. There's a little blue flame, looking like a will o' the wisp, dancing in the air right beside her.

_"Is that..."_

Gadriel gently pats her shoulder

 _"That's your soul Meg, I freed it_ "

Meg feels her throat getting tight, she didn't anticipate it would feel so emotional, or maybe it's because the thing is close. It's time to say goodbye to Meara, finally freed from that cold storage room and oh fuck...

_"What's happening?"_

The flame is fluttering towards her and Hannah whispers

_"Oh God..."_

Before Meg can say anything else, her soul gets back inside her body and she collapses on the ground.

 

***

_"You're not God?"_

Enlil sits in the sand. Apparently the woman in front of him isn't hurt by connecting with him, which is a first. And she's not a fanatic either. He spent the last millennia being harassed by mystics and strange people who were glad to see their palms pierced and their side stabbed while they were psalming incoherent prayers. This woman is different. She a little afraid of him, but she's not one of An's worshipers. Maybe she'll be able to hear the truth without going raging mad, like all the others.

Linda sits in front of him, waiting for his answer. He sighs

_"No. I'm his decoy."_

He sees confusion in the woman's eyes and he adds

_"He stole my Light and my appearance after the first Apocalypse."_

Linda is shocked

_"You mean... After he changed the angel's memories?"_

Enlil is surprised. She's the first human to actually know something about it.

_"Yes. After he changed the angel's memories to turn Enki into some kind of monster."_

He suddenly looks really sad

_"I was faithful to him, you know, to An. I thought it was wrong for Enki to have set some kind of kingdom on Earth, I thought his vision of society was wrong..."_

He explains Enki and his followers were the humans' gods, living in gorgeous palaces with their consorts, secluded from the people. Then came their children, considered as the highest nobility, and then, their children's descendants. The humans were considered as inferior, patronized, not worthy of the same consideration than the one given to those who descended from the Gods.

_"Of course they were healthier and safer than those living by themselves. But they were not free, they were not valued as they could have been. i really believed that our way... was maybe less flamboyant but better."_

In An's settlement the humans were living very modestly, they were nomads, shepherds, living from their livestock. Many died at a young age, from illnesses, and that was what drove their Guardian to open the gates to Enki during an epidemic.

_"Many villagers refused to follow him, but some did, and Ninurta, well Gadriel, the Wall Keeper, deserted and joined Enki."_

With time, Enki and his followers built majestic cities, and created an advanced civilization, thanks to Enki's knowledge of magic, that he had learned from An himself. Among his people was an angel named Nin-Agal, who helped him create a material, half crystal and half metal which became an almost inexhaustible source of energy.

 _"I believe you remember it as orichalcum._ "

After that, Enki's civilization only grew stronger, with several major cities scattered all over the world. They all had majestically high pyramids and temples dedicated to their Gods, and they were all united under Enki's banner and speaking the language of the angels.

_"Many angels wanted to leave Eden. Even if they were told that those living on Earth had fallen, they could only see the beauty of what Enki had built."_

Enki then decided to build a portal between his city and Eden, so he and his followers could freely come back home, so the angels who wished to come to Earth could claim their vessels without being threatened to be cast out of Eden for good.

_"The tower of Babel..."_

Linda whispers. Enlil smiles and nods

_"Yes. That's why An attacked. He saw that as Enki's attempt to steal his crown. And in the beginning, it was only about destroying the portal. But it turned into a massacre."_

An used Eden's crystal to destroy all the cities, and ordered his followers to kill all the Nephilims.

_"The blood bath disgusted so many angels... me included... that we started to talk about rebelling. It was a little late for that of course, but Enki and his people were still alive, we had been ordered to spare them..."_

Enlil being an honorable person, he decided he needed to tell An about his decision to leave.

_"I don't know what I was thinking. But he was my King, my creator. I wanted to be honest with him, and he told me he understood."_

He was surprised of course, but before he could thank him, An had taken his Light.

_"He was holding a crystal pyramid and my Light... came right inside it. I felt like I was dying and he gave me some of his. Barely enough for me to survive and I lost consciousness"_

When he woke up, he was in the body of a human. One of God's settlement's, the only human village he had spared from his fury.

_"Before I could fully realize what was happening, we were attacked by Enki. It was him, but in the meantime... it wasn't. He had crazy eyes..."_

Enlil ran to him and before he could say a word, an angel arrived and begun to slay Enki's followers.

_"Enki disappeared, and my vessel was killed. After that, I awakened in another body. And I understood I needed to keep my mouth shut."_

With time, he slowly began to understand what had happened. An had not only destroyed every single evidence of Enki's civilization, he had also changed him and his followers into monsters by distorting their memories, and had created a new dimension for them to live in, Hell.

_"They all hated humans with a passion. I saw Enki turn Cain into a killer, turn Lilith into a demon... And then other demons appear... Somehow... An wanted his war to be never ending. That's how much he hated Enki. And the worst part is he used my face and my Light to do it."_

After the cataclysm, An knew he didn't have enough energy left to keep the Faes from crossing to Earth. Until then, the only way to reopen the access would have been to destroy Eden's crystal, and he was well aware they would never do that. But with the gates to Earth open, An was sure the Faes would look for him and needed them to chase someone else. By setting so many protections around Enlil, he was sure he would be the one to be tracked down. And with some luck, maybe he could even get some Fairies killed, like Niahm, the one he hated the most. 

_"Plus, him being gone, meant him becoming legendary for the Angels. A God to the Gods... Some kind of perfection he never was."_

And since now Enlil was the one harboring the last drop of An's Light, he was the one the fairies would track down.

_"And every time they got close, an angel came to fight them and I woke up in another body."_

In the beginning he was rather discreet, and tried not to get noticed. But then he begun to talk, to write, to teach. Talking about that jealous God who demanded crazy sacrifices to his followers, who destroyed entire cities, who didn't care if his people suffered.

_"Believe it or not, some people found that enjoyable."_

And then he decided to preach his own religion, to talk about love and forgiveness.

_"I got noticed pretty quickly and I almost got killed by a fae disguised in a Roman soldier."_

Linda nods

_"Jesus?"_

Enlil says

_"Yes. After that I just... tried to hide. I understood the Faes were after me, but there was no way I could communicate directly with them. Every time they got close an archangel arrived. And I couldn't talk to angels either. A few generations later, the faes sent humans to communicate with me again, but..."_

Linda remembers what Sam and Kevin told about the Knights in the Legend of the Holy Grail

_"The only one you told the truth to became mad and killed himself."_

Enlil looks sad

_"He wasn't the first..."_

Everything changed when Michael, well An, got locked in the Cage with Lucifer.

_"I don't think he had ever anticipated it could happen. He had created the perfect trap for Enki, and had never considered he could be locked inside it as well."_

Enlil explains that when An changed the angels' memories, he spent years fighting Lucifer's demons, led by the Knights of Hell, and quickly joined by the remaining members of Tiamat's creatures.

_"That's another thing he had never planned, that even with his memories twisted, Enki would still be a leader, would still want to rule. And trust me, that second war was far from being simple."_

Enki started to corrupt human souls to harvest energy in Hell, and forged alliances with the creatures he used to despise. With the Knights of Hell, he created several legions of demons, some of them extremely powerful, like other fallen angels, such as Nergal and Irra.

 _"Nergal, you know him as Azazel, was not exactly a good person before, and after An's spell, he became absolutely despicable and Irra_ , _well Alastair, became even worse."_

Even with their memories wiped clean, the angels started to be increasingly fed up with the constant fighting, and An decided to create several spells to lock Lucifer and his most powerful demons in Hell.

_"He certainly thought that after several centuries of rest, he could start his war again and finally win against Enki"_

Linda shakes her head.

_"All that... for revenge?"_

Enlil looks at the ocean

_"An is a jealous and vengeful God..."  
_

 

***

 

Rudi has heard the whole story and hasn't said a word since Hermann began to talk, which is really not like him. Saskia is sat on his bed, loosely holding his hand, and Hermann has just finished telling him about his school for powerful children. Rudi slowly nods, looking lost in his thoughts, while touching the aventurine amulet.

_"I know it's a lot to take..."_

Says Saskia, while gently pressing his hand. Rudi smiles at her and says

_"Can I talk to Hermann alone for a bit sweetheart?"_

Saskia looks at him, a little worried, but she still gets up and Sam follows her out. Castiel is already gone to the angels' hideout, and Kevin and Charlie are taking care of Linda who's using the amulet. She should go and check on her, but there are also Pawel and Theodora waiting in the Library. 

The place is really getting crowded.

Not to mention Logan and Andras that she and Sam have just allowed to come inside. Kevin told her everything went well with them and that Andras even saved his life, so they thought it was time to open the access to the bunker, so they could start doing some team building. Yay.

_"Here are the files you were looking for"_

Says Sam, handing her two heavy binders.

Saskia takes them, and reads the covers. Encyclopedia of Demons and Demonology, volume 23 "The Demon Agares", volume 325 "The Demon Andras". Sam frowns

_"You sure you wanna read that?"_

Saskia sighs

_"I don't, I just need to know"_

Sam nods and asks Pawel and Theo to follow him to the kitchen so he can explain them everything they need to know. After a couple hours of pretty disgusting reading, Saskia calls Andras, who still looks a little confused and sleepy, but soon comes back to his usual annoying self.

 _"You know what this place is?"_  
  
Andras looks around the Library, with obvious disdain in his eyes.  
  
 _"It's a place for... research I suppose?"_  
  
The boy sits elegantly on a couch and stares at Saskia with a mischievous smile. She pretends not to notice and says  
  
 _"Exactly. The people here used to study all the supernatural phenomenons. Meaning witches, like me, and also demons."_  
  
She sits at a table and notice Andras getting a little less comfortable.  
  
 _"This is Agares's file."_  
  
She says, showing an old and well filled binder.  
  
 _"There is pretty much everything he has done from the day he became a demon until he disappeared in 1790."_  
  
Andras mutters  
  
 _"You read it."_  
  
Saskia nods  
  
 _"I did."_  
  
Andras gets up, smiles and sits in front of her. He gently takes the binder and starts to read some pages, looking detached as if it were a tabloid. Saskia takes it back and closes it.  
  
 _"You don't need to do that."_  
  
Andras stares at her, confused and she precises  
  
 _"Don't act like you don't care. I know that deep down you do, and that you have no idea what to do with all this"_  
  
She adds, tapping on the binder with her index finger  
  
 _"But guess what? I killed this guy, so he doesn't need a file anymore"_  
  
The binder suddenly catches on fire and after a few seconds, there are only ashes left. Ashes Saskia blows out the table. She then shows him a second binder.  
  
 _"This is your file."_  
  
Now Andras feels definitely uneasy but he keeps on smiling anyway, focusing on looking carefree when he feels something close to fear. Fear of what?  
  
 _"There is also everything you've ever done since... the murder of your father in 1490 until your disappearance in... also 1790."_  
  
The boy says  
  
 _"I see you read it as well."_  
  
Saskia looks at him a little too intensely and Andras wonders if he should start to think about defending himself.  
  
 _"I didn't. Reading what Caligula did to you was enough for my nerves."_  
  
He's surprised.  
  
 _"I just read the front page. It says you were born Andrea Franchi in 1446, to Madalena and Giacomo Franchi. You had two older brothers, Giacomo and Michele and two younger sisters, Maria and Isabella. Your mother died in childbirth, along with your sister Isabella. Maria died in infancy and your brothers both died in 1462, from the Black Plague."_  
  
Andras can't say a word. This is all true. But how those humans could know? How? It's like she's talking about an entirely different person and at the same time, those names, Giacomo, Michele, Maria, Isabella bring so many memories. So many memories he buried deep inside himself centuries ago.  
  
 _"Your father, Giacomo Franchi, was a furrier. When your brothers died, you two were the only members of your family left alive. So your father made a deal with Agares, he sold his last son's soul for surviving the plague."_  
  
Andras nods. They couldn't go out the house back then. He had been suffering from consumption since the year before and everybody thought it was a miracle he was still alive. Before she died, his mother used to say that he would be a angel someday, since he had such a strong faith and spent a lot of time praying. She certainly also meant he wouldn't live old, and then, there he was, lying in his bed, weakened by his poor lungs of course, but still alive. And his father brought him some soup from the kitchen. It was unusual, there was a maid to do that, but he said he wanted to check on him, to make sure he was all right. Andrea drank the soup and fell asleep. When he woke up, he was chained to an X-cross and a snake-eyed man with a creepy smile was staring at him.  
  
 _"A few years later he remarried to a younger woman named Veronica Campo and had two other sons and one daughter. The whole family was found dead in their house in 1490."_  
  
Andras nods again and says with an absent voice  
  
 _"I killed them."_  
  
Saskia replies  
  
 _"I know. And then you were witnessed in several parts of the world, always with Agares, until you both disappeared in 1790. They presumed you had been killed."_  
  
Andras keeps silent, staring at the closed binder. Saskia continues  
  
 _"What I want you to understand Andrea..."_  
  
The boy flinches and Saskia says  
  
 _"Andras, Andy, just tell me what you prefer..."_  
  
He tilts his head a little and answers  
  
 _"Andrea died a long time ago. Andras is fine."_  
  
Saskia frowns but goes on  
  
 _"What I want you to understand Andras is that I don't care what you did while you were with Agares. I don't want to know."_  
  
Andras takes the binder and opens it, trying hard to look detached when what he's done doesn't make him laugh at all anymore.  
  
 _"I'm serious when I say people deserve second chances.So I'll judge you on what I've seen from you until the first day I saw you."_  
  
Andras closes the binder and looks at Saskia with some incredulity in his eyes  
  
 _"The first time I saw you, you were trying to protect Logan from me, then from the other demons who were attacking you."_  
  
She takes the binder back and opens it at the first page.  
  
 _"Then you were at Frank's and I learned you had somehow managed to live normally, and you refused to let Logan come with me alone."_  
  
She burns the first page.  
  
 _"When you arrived here you tried not to scare anyone and you even befriended Kevin, to the point you defended him when he went out and was attacked."_  
  
Every time she holds a page, it disappears, and Andras stares at the flames, amazed.  
  
 _"My point is, you're trying to do good. You're violent, mercurial, you have a bad temper, and sometimes you're a real cry baby, but you're doing your best. And you're loyal."_  
  
Andras bites his lips. No one has ever said that about him, not ever. As a demon he was known for being treacherous, for tricking people into signing deals, for enjoying making them suffer.  
  
 _"I know you care a lot about Logan but let me tell you this. I have no intention of hurting him."_  
  
Andras manages to talk again  
  
 _"Why? He told me what he did... He..."_  
  
Saskia sighs  
  
 _"I haven't forgiven him. I don't think I can ever forgive the man he was back then. But you know what? Trying to get revenge is pointless. Killing him didn't make me feel better, it destroyed me. Knowing that he spent years in Hell being tortured by someone who wore my face doesn't erase my past...and doesn't make me feel avenged or good or anything...to be frank it actually feels awful"_  
  
She rubs her eyes  
  
 _"I carry my own cross Andras. Maybe it doesn't seem heavy to you but it is to me. I burnt 20 people alive and I loved it. I fight every single day against my own instincts, about the voice inside of me which endlessly repeats me that if I wanted, I could burn everyone who gets in my way."_  
  
Andras frowns, incredulous, and Saskia smiles  
  
 _"Yeah, you and I have more in common than you think. Anyway, fighting with these people here, with my Dad, with Sam, with... good people, it gives meaning to my life it makes me grow, as a witch and as a person."_  
  
She carefully puts her hand on his and the boy gets stiff at the contact but doesn't take his off  
  
 _"You never had the chance to grow. You can take it now, just like Logan did, just like I did."_  
  
She coughs  
  
 _"It doesn't have to end in tragedy for people like us"_  
  
Andras stares at her hand on his and after a moment, he says  
  
 _"I have never thanked you."_  
  
 _"For what?"_  
  
He looks at her and Saskia sees his iron eyes turning to lavender. She briefly thinks this is what Andrea certainly looked like before his soul was twisted and gave birth to Andras.  
  
 _"For killing him."_  
  
Saskia puts her other hand on his and she just nods.  
  
Andras looks a little lost for a minute and gets up, without saying anything else. Saskia watches him leave the room while Logan walks in and sits in the chair he just left.  
  
 _"Strange kid..."_

Logan chuckles

 _"Yeah...",_ he looks at Saskia who twirling a strand of hair around her index finger, and he adds _"I can't believe you got him to trust you"._

Saskia smiles

_"Between demons you know..."_

He's embarrassed for a minute, looking at her with some kind of longing he tries his best to hide.

_"By the way, who are Braveheart and Lulu?"_

Saskia frowns a second and then bursts out laughing. She couldn't have invented better nicknames herself.

_"Other warlocks, come with me, I'll introduce you"_

She shouts

_"Chucky?"_

Andras comes out of behind a bookshelf, looking annoyed

_"What?"_

Saskia grins

_"Coming with us?"_

Andras looks shy for a split second before walking towards them like he's on his way to be introduced to the Royal Court.

Logan rolls his eyes, that should be fun.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't know who Lulu is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pandora%27s_Box_%281929_film%29


	38. Team Humanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from hibernation!
> 
> Edit: And that's a very pleasant return with 3 more kudos and many more views! Love you guys! Thanks for following the story!

Linda feels Enlil's hand in hers, and it's surprisingly soft. She doesn't precisely know what pushed her to hold it, maybe, certainly, the deep sadness she could see in that so old man, and the thought of the loneliness he had endured. She told him everything about the Cage being open again, and even if he has just nodded she can see he's prepared to die, that he's bracing himself for the worst.

But she still needs answers.

_"So, if God was locked in Lucifer's cage until recently... Who helped the brothers and Castiel all these years?"_

Enlil smiles sadly

_"Joshua did."_

Enlil explain the only angel beside God to have some access and little control over the crystal is Joshua, who is not only the crystal's keeper, but who used to be An's counselor in Avalon.

_"He's the only survivor of the original Eden. An and Tiamat brought him with them, as he had always been outstandingly loyal to them. But with the years he slowly understood who An really was..."_

Joshua was also one of the only angels whose memories were not altered, so he could continue serving An as he had always done. But this spell, and the following war with Lucifer, made him increasingly weary of An's decisions.

_"He became more and more the crystal's keeper, and less and less a counselor."_

Linda asks

_"And what about Metatron?"_

Enlil sighs

_"You mean Enoch? He was just a tool. He was a tribal chief, one of the few that had remained faithful to God. When Enki's popularity began to increase, An became weary of all the angels and took him as his scribe."_

Linda wonders how An, whoever he is, could have ever considered someone like Metatron to be trustworthy.

_"He worshiped him, I suppose it was enough. And when An decided to change our memories he also changed his, and Metatron fled to Earth with the Tablets thinking he was hiding them from the archangels who were plotting to take over the world."_

Linda whispers

_"But he did exactly what An wanted, so he could continue his war"_

Enlil nods and his eyes are lost for a moment.  
 _"So about Joshua..."  
_

When An was locked in the Cage, Joshua decided to help the ones he thought to be wise enough and strong enough to stop the Apocalypse.

_"I suppose he saw himself in Castiel, as he developed an independent conscience over the years."_

Linda adds

_"So he's the one who restored his Grace, and Gadreel's."_

Enlil nods

_"Probably."_

She asks

_"How do you know all this?"_

Enlil shrugs

 _"I'm connected to the crystal, through the remnants of An's Light I_ _have inside me. As the ruler of Eden, he had a special relationship with it. I suppose he hadn't anticipated the fact that his Light wasn't just any Light. Or maybe he didn't care. Anyway I know what it's used for, and I also know that soon, we are all going to be swallowed inside it, me included"_

Linda whispers

_"I'm sorry. But is there any way... to save you?"_

Enlil smiles

_"No, not me. And Joshua either, because I can't feel his presence anymore so I suppose An killed him. The only way not to be reunited with the crystal is to destroy our anchor to it."_

Linda frowns

_"What is it?"_

Enlil explains that when An made his memory spell, he also decided to keep control over the Angel's memories and personalities. As the crystal is a noosphere, it can save memories, thoughts and feelings, it's impossible to modify what it stores.

_"You need to understand that the crystal has a conscience of its own. It's not an object or a weapon, as An would like it to be, so when he decided to modify the Angels memories, he knew that the crystal could possibly decide to block his spell."_

So he separated his creations from the crystal, by creating a single pyramid per angel, which purpose was storing their original memories.

_"The pyramids are deprived from the general power of the crystal, and don't have enough will, or conscience, to act on their own. They're also the source of the Angels' Lights, and where they are..."_

He coughs

 _"Stored... When they die._ "

Linda looks shocked

_"Stored?"_

Enlil sighs

_"Well their memories and light are a powerful energy that An wouldn't want to give to the Earth's Lifestream. That also gives him the power to take back a Light, or to strengthen it, when normally, the crystal is the one to decide."  
_

Linda whispers

_"It gives him complete control."_

Enlil nods

_"Yes. So the only way to free an angel from the crystal would be finding his pyramid and... destroying it."_

Linda asks

_"That wouldn't kill them?"_

Enlil shakes his head

_"No. Their soul is theirs. Souls and Lights are two different things. It would cut off their link to Eden for good and basically turn them..."_

Linda completes

_"Into humans."_

Enlil smiles

_"Ironic, right?"_

Linda has a sad chuckle and she asks

_"Can I do anything to help you?"_

The archangel gets up and says

_"To help me, no. My time is over, and soon I'll go back to that Crystal whom I emerged from."_

He looks nostalgically at the ocean

_"But you can help your planet. You can reclaim it as your own. We maybe created you but you but we don't own you, and you are a precious part of this world."_

He picks up some sand and watch it fall from his hand

_"As I told you the crystal isn't a weapon. An certainly uses a spell to force it to destroy. I don't know what it is, but if you can cut whatever ties him to the crystal then he won't be able to use it."_

He holds her shoulders, firmly but not violently

_"Stop An and Lucifer by any means necessary and Linda..."_

She asks

_"Yes?"_

A blue light begins to shine behind his eyes and he has only the time to say

_"Don't trust the Faes."_

Before disappearing in a flash of blinding light.

***

In the bunker, Saskia, Sam, Logan, Andras, Pawel and Theo are sit in the kitchen, and what was originally a conversation which goal was informing Pawel and Theo about everything that was going on derived on talking about Harry Potter. Andras looks between bored and appalled, but the others seem pretty interested, even if Logan has no idea what book they're talking about, having a little chit chat feels kinda good. Plus the newbies seem cool, which is nice.

_"Joanne Rowling should have been one of us"_

Says Theo, while stirring her tea.

_"I'm sorry, what?"_

Asks Sam, visibly shocked.

_"You heard me, her mother was born in an English coven and was expelled when she decided to marry a... muggle?"_

Replies Theo.

_"You gotta be kidding me"_

Saskia laughs, and Theo suddenly looks like the best student in the classroom who's just been challenged by D-graders.

_"I'm not. Her mother's father was from an old French family, the Volant, it means the Flyers, and her grandmother was born in an even older Scottish family. Old family, pure blood... Joanne's mother should have married a warlock, but she met a boy in a train... classic story."_

Sam laughs too

_"No way."_

_"Way. And if that showed us anything it was that coven rules were utter crap"_

Says an older voice with a slight German accent

_"Oh my goodness who are you and what have you done with Hermann Scholl?"_

Replies Rudi, while entering the kitchen with Hermann and Adele.

_"You can laugh all you want and say you were right Rudger, I suppose it's fair. We owe a lot to Joanne. Witches today have a very positive image and it's mainly if not completely thanks to her."_

Sam asks

_"Could she be... reintegrated or something?"_

Hermann frowns

_"I doubt it, and I doubt she would want it. Plus the Great Coven of England is really conservative, and doesn't like exposure in the least."_

Pawel rolls his eyes

_"What a bunch of wuss"_

And Adele completes

" _Well my dear boy, if you were wondering what structure inspired the Ministry of Magic..."_

Saskia grins

_"So, does it mean we get wands and broomsticks?"_

And Logan laughs openly, which makes everyone turn around and look at him incredulously, especially Andras. But before he can say anything, Castiel storms in the room and says Linda is awake and has a lot to tell them.

***

 

Meg hears a drumming sound inside her head. It's pounding, pounding, pounding and her chest is burning. The angels are talking but she can't really hear them, though she feels Hannah's cool hands on her forehead and sees their silhouettes moving around her.

"Try to stay still Meg"

She hears. It's Hannah's voice, is it? As if she had any kind of control over her body that is convulsing like crazy. There's something at the back of her throat that wants to go out. She curls up on the ground and starts coughing, so hard she feels blood coming to her mouth.

"Oh dear Lord..."

Says Anaël, but Meg doesn't pay attention. She needs the thing out, whatever it is. At some point it finally gets out. It's smoke, black smoke. Maybe she rejected her own soul. Maybe after all these centuries being a demon her soul didn't even recognize her and acted like a transplanted organ. And is killing her. She collapses and feels arms grabbing her. Gadreel. He tells her to take her time, and asks her... her name?

_"You know my name you big doofus"_

She says, spitting a little blood on the floor. The angel laughs

_"This is still her."_

She manages to sit

_"Of course this is still me, what do you think?"_

Gabriel says

_"You've just uh... threw up? Black smoke, as if you were... leaving this body"_

Meg is shocked. What the Hell happened?

Before she can say anything, Anaël has cut her hand with her blade

_"You bitch! That hurts!"_

She yells, before realizing the wound isn't healing.

_"Oh shit."_

Gabriel and Gadreel are looking at each other like they know what's happening.

_"Spill the beans Rizzoli and Isles"_

She says, holding her hand. Hannah looks at the other angels and tries

_"You're... human... Meg."_

Meg shouts

_"What?"_

Gadreel says

_"Your soul... it pushed the dark away, it... cured you."_

Meg starts laughing hysterically. They can't be serious. She can't be human again, oh hell no. It means being completely defenseless at the worst possible times. Plus she doesn't want all the feelings and weakness coming right back. But her hand is still bleeding and Anaël has just grabbed it and she says

 _"Let me heal that Meg..."_ Meg looks at the wound disappearing and she mutters

_"Wait a minute... the smoke..."_

Hannah asks

_"What about it?"_

Meg frowns

_"Where did it go?"_

Gadreel thinks

_"If the smoke is, let's say, your essence as a demon then it's... power."_

Gabriel completes

_"If it's power, then Lucifer needs it."_

Meg says

_"So he has non corrupted souls in the vaults, and corrupted ones in common demons... Why would he need both?"_

Gabriel answers

_"To make his spell, or whatever he's doing more effective. You always need the two major principles. Light and dark, pure and corrupted..."_

Hannah says _"So... He's going to use all the existing demons to make his crystal."_

Meg suddenly remembers what the crazy Winchester said. That Lucifer was going to make his monolith with all the demons like her, but she was so focused on saving her ass that she didn't think he meant every single demon. Hannah continues

"Think about it, Lucifer only created the demons after his memories were corrupted by God, right? So he has no interest in keeping demons around. He's just going to use them to create his weapon and create his ideal world."

Meg mutters

_"That could work..."_

And adds _"We need to warn the others. Logan and psycho kid need to be cured if they don't want to be swallowed."_

Gadreel nods and Gabriel says

_"What about us?"_

Hannah asks

_"What do you mean?"_

_"What if Eden's crystal wasn't about harvesting our Graces, but ourselves? I mean... we can survive without graces, it's happened to some of us. But what the crystal is doing is killing us, at least we thought it did."_

Hannah nods and Gabriel continues

_"Maybe it is... swallowing us all?"_

Anaël cuts

_"Then if it's true, what can we do?"_

Gabriel answers

_"We hope your friend finds all of our pyramids."_

He sighs

_"And we destroy them."_

Hannah says

_"Destroy?"_

Gabriel nods

_"I'd rather be a mortal human than a slave to a damn rock. It's time for Team Humanity to reclaim this planet as its own."_

 ***

_"You would be ready to make that sacrifice Katrina?"_

Says Kimaris, holding her friend's hands. Dean is standing in the corner of the room, listening to their conversation, and he can't believe it. Kimaris and Lucifer want to close the Gates of Hell. And heal Katrina.

_"I would do anything for you my Queen, anything."_

Answers Katrina, looking visibly moved.

_"And for you, my King."_

Lucifer rises from his throne and puts his hands of Katrina's shoulders.

_"If it is loyal like you I have great hopes for the new humanity. Soon, this dreadful place will be closed, An will be dead, and the Earth will be ours again."_

He doesn't really understand what their plan is, but he knows one thing. The moment he's alone, he's going to escape this place. His training finally paid off, he can move. And if he can move, he can go back to Sam.

_"Amen."_

Says Kimaris, before exiting the room, followed by Katrina and Lucifer. They have their big master plan to prepare, and Dean has his own.

He tries to concentrate, he doesn't have a lot of time. He needs to drop the Blade and to leave Hell the quickest possible. But he can't let it here. If he's being realistic, this is probably the most powerful weapon on Earth, and he can't just leave it, especially if it means he can save the world from being flooded or destroyed again.  
  
If he can drop it and roll it in that old tapestry on the wall that would be perfect. He just has to resist grabbing it again.  
  
He makes one step towards the wall, and his whole body aches. It's fine, it's bearable, but it's like his veins are burning. Second step, he starts to feel dizzy. Third step. His legs tremble and it's hard to stay on his feet.  
  
Now, he needs to use his left hand to grab the thing and put it on the ground. His arm burns, and the pain feels like it's emanating from his own bones. His fingers are stiff, but he manages to pull the tapestry off the wall, and as it falls on the ground he starts to breathe heavily. He feels like he could just pass out, but he needs to stay strong.  
  
He looks at the Blade in his right hand, and he knows the worst is yet to come. Finger by finger, he slowly lets it go, even if his whole body and mind is filled by the worst kind of terror he has ever felt. His heart is pounding in his chest, he's covered in cold sweat but he doesn't back down. After one last effort, the Blade falls on the floor, and Dean collapses. With his last strength, he rolls it in the tapestry and goes straight to the Bunker.  
  
 _"What's this noise?"_  
  
Asks Saskia. Castiel had just come inside the kitchen with Linda when some very loud siren started to ring.  
  
 _"Dangerous intruder outside"_  
  
Replies Sam, while running towards the door. Saskia follows him, with Rudi, Theo and Pawel right behind her. But when Sam opens the door, she can't repress a  
  
 _"Oh my God..."_  
  
It's Dean. Passed out on the ground, his body covered in red veins, clenching some old tapestry against his chest. Sam falls on his knees and gently caresses his brother's forehead  
  
 _"Dean..."_  
  
Rudi pushes everyone  
  
 _"No time for being sentimental kids, we need to put him in the trap now before Lucifer or whatever his name is calls him back"_  
  
Saskia gently pulls Sam away from his brother and burns a portal on the ground around him, before taking him to the storage room.  
  
Sam has trouble staying out of the circle. He wants to get inside and hold Dean, help him, tell him he's not alone, but even if he's not holding the Blade in his hand, he still has it close and doesn't let it go.  
  
Rudi steps forward  
  
 _"Ok Dean I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm gonna take that thing away now"_  
  
Sam looks at him pointing at the Blade, but Dean is resisting, holding it against him, and growling in his delirium. Saskia grabs her father's hand and so does Sam, soon joined by Hermann, Pawel and Theo. After a few seconds, Dean finally lets go, overpowered by their joined energy, and seems to be completely unconscious.  
  
 _"Oh no..."_  
  
Whispers Sam, while Linda is gently holding his arm. But suddenly he hears Kevin's voice  
  
 _"Look, the veins..."_  
  
The veins are slowly disappearing, as if they were going back inside the Mark, until Dean looks like his original self again.  
  
 _"Sa...Sam..."_  
  
He mutters, his eyes still closed  
  
 _"I'm here, I'm here Dean you're home..."_  
  
Says Sam, with tears in his voice. Dean slowly opens his eyes and when he sees the crowd in the room he laughs and says  
  
 _"Is this an intervention?"_  
  
Sam has all the trouble in the world not to cross the trap and kiss him stupid.  
  
Dean is back.


	39. Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Dean-centric chapter!
> 
> And thank you for still being here my darlings!

_"Why have you asked him to leave?"_  
  
Says Dean, a little angry. The warlock, Rudi, has asked everyone to go out, Sam included, and as surprising as it may seem, Sam chose to listen to him instead of his own brother. He just smiled and said he'd be right back, that Dean was in good hands, and Dean can't stop himself from thinking that it would never have happened a few weeks ago. Sam would have never let him alone with a stranger. Except this guy doesn't seem to be a stranger. Sam looked at him like... like he's family. And how can he be family when Dean doesn't even know him? Dean is pacing around the trap like a caged animal. He wants Sam here, he needs him here, why can't that guy understand?  
  
Rudi slowly carries a chair and puts it the closest possible to the circle before sitting on it. He has piercing eyes, gray, or blue, it's unclear, and Dean doesn't like the inquisitive way he looks at him. His first feeling is, in spite of the man's friendly face, that he doesn't like him or is at least weary of him.  
  
 _"Because I don't know what's gonna happen when I start curing you Dean."_  
  
He says, with a deep and calm voice.  
  
 _"You've managed to come all the way here and it's really more that what I could expect, but I can't anticipate what you're gonna do or say once the healing process is started."_  
  
Dean stops walking  
  
 _"You think I'm gonna hurt him?"_  
  
Rudi shrugs  
  
 _"You insulted him on the hill, Saskia told me."_  
  
Dean raises his voice  
  
 _"That wasn't me that..."_  
  
But he sees Rudi raising his hand, and even if he has no idea why, he stops talking.  
  
 _"It doesn't matter if it was because of the Blade Dean. Though...",_ Rudi tilts his head, and keeps looking at him right in the eye, _"I think you and me know you were not fully possessed at the time."_  
  
Dean briefly looks at the ground before going back to Rudi's eyes. He must be wearing his death stare now but Rudi doesn't seem impressed at all.  
  
 _"I just don't want Sam to get hurt, he's been through enough already. And I want you to focus on your recovery and not on your brother's feelings."_  
  
Dean bitterly laughs  
  
 _"And what made you think you were in charge here?"_  
  
Rudi sighs  
  
 _"Dean..."_  
  
He smiles, looking a little sad  
  
 _"I'm here to help you okay? You don't have to be afraid of me, you can trust me."_  
  
Dean still looks defiant and aggressive, but a little less. To be honest, he's a little confused. That guy doesn't yell at him, doesn't try to pick up a fight, and he doesn't know how to react to that. This is not the way you behave when you're in charge. Normally.  
  
 _"And you can stop worrying about Sam. Sam is safe, Sam is very strong, and he has a lot of people around to help him."_  
  
Dean calms down a little. He should stop being so defensive, but when it comes to Sam and him he can't control himself.

There's a knock on the door, and Dean hears Sam's voice, and then Rudi saying something like "he's okay", or "he's gonna be okay".  
  
Dean shouts  
  
 _"Sam!"_  
  
Rudi comes back with a blood bag in his hand, and a little plastic bag with several syringes inside.  
  
 _"Sam's just given me some of his blood Dean, everything is okay."_  
  
He puts a first aid kit on the ground, and the thing slide on its own until it's close to dean.  
  
 _"Can you disinfect your arm please?"_  
  
Dean hisses  
  
 _"What do you think you're doing?"_  
  
Rudi turns around  
  
 _"I'm using Sam's blood to cure you Dean, to give you control over the Mark."_  
  
Dean picks up the kit  
  
 _"Why Sam's blood?"_  
  
Rudi starts filling a syringe  
  
 _"For the uh... tolerance? Sam's your brother."_

Rudi thinks Dean doesn't need to know the whole stuff about Lover's Blood. Sam told him Dean is extremely secretive when it comes to them, and that he shouldn't learn by anyone else but him that other people know about them.  
  
Dean frowns  
  
 _"We don't have the same blood type."_  
  
Rudi comes close to the circle, trying to look reassuring.  
  
 _"It's not about the blood type."_

Behind all his anger, Dean looks like a scared child. He's clearly afraid, but he's been raised not to show it, to hide it with anger and bravado. And maybe it works for many people, maybe the majority of the people he met thought he was some kind of unbreakable warrior. Maybe he thinks he is. But he isn't. And realizing it is part of the healing process, but that, he doesn't need to know it yet either.

The syringe starts flying towards Dean's arm and he has a hard time not showing a little fear. That's tornado guy, he could turn him to dust. He doesn't try to do anything. After all he's trapped here, in this circle, and that guy has the strength of a monster.  
  
 _"Please come closer Dean, I need to see if I'm on a vein"_  
  
Dean walks towards the edge of the trap, and Rudi is focused on his arm  
  
 _"You have good veins"_ , he says, _"no need to use a tourniquet"_  
  
Dean laughs  
  
 _"What are you, a doctor?"_  
  
Rudi looks at him with his mischievous smile  
  
 _"An ex addict."_  
  
He replies, while pushing the plunger. Dean is surprised he admits it like this, in a smile, as if it were nothing. He looks normal. That's the scariest thing. He could be the classic next door neighbor you see on TV shows, the one with who organizes neighborhood barbecues and drives a Honda Civic.  
  
 _"I know what it's like to crave for something"_  
  
Dean is expecting the blood to burn him or hurt him, but nothing happens. Rudi observes him while doing the injection. He's clenching his jaw, trying to control his facial expressions. He's acting like a soldier, like someone who's going to be tortured or interrogated. Rudi continues  
  
 _"And you know that too, don't you?"_  
  
Before Dean can say anything, Rudi says  
  
 _"Take a compress in the first aid kit and press it on the injection point"_  
  
Dean grumbles  
  
 _"If you say so Iggy Pop"_  
  
Rudi laughs  
  
 _"That's a good one. Though I can't play guitar and I sing like a chainsaw"_  
  
Dean represses a smile. Good, he has a sense of humor. It means that he's still trying to connect with people, that he can't really stand being left alone or ignored for long. Sam told him that too, that their father used to give him the silent treatment every time he disappointed him. Rudi knows you shouldn't think ill of the dead, but the more he knows about Sam's father, the more he judges him. He's been through loneliness, and he knows the effects on a child's mind.  
  
 _"So, an addict?"_  
  
Rudi nods, thinking he was right.  
  
 _"Yes. Something was done to me when I was a child, something that made me unable to feel like other people.Something that also made me do things, things I regret. And when I was your age, and younger, I tried many, many things"_  
  
He coughs, briefly looking at Dean who has lost his aggressive eyes for a moment.  
  
 _"To feel something, to get close to be... fine. Happy."_  
  
Dean sits on his chair, observing the man in front of him. Now he looks genuinely interested.

He rarely gets to talk about addiction with someone who can understand what it's like. Well of course, Sam knows. But Sam doesn't need to be reminded his time as an addict and has way enough on his plate.  
  
 _"What made you stop?"_  
  
Rudi shrugs  
  
 _"The bruises, the pain, the fact that you never get back to that first high, the fact that it's unreal, that it just buries your problems instead of solving them..."_  
  
He starts preparing another syringe  
  
 _"The fact someone popped on my doorstep with a newborn who could set my house on fire but had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. Someone who needed me."_

Dean shows some emotion in his eyes. He knows what the guy is talking about. Sometimes taking care of someone, feeling needed, is the only thing that keeps you alive.  
  
 _"So you're Saskia's adoptive dad?"_  
  
Rudi nods, smiling. Dean has met Saskia only once but he seems to remember everything about her. That's what Sam said, Dean remembers every single case they investigated. Every single person life story. That way, when he thinks about the people he saved, they're like... close to him. He can call them by their name. They're the friends he never had the time to have.  
  
 _"Yes. By the way thank you for everything you've done Dean."_  
  
Dean laughs. Sam said he's also uncomfortable with praise. Like all the people with a bad self esteem.  
  
 _"I didn't do nothing."_  
  
Rudi gets up, his arms crossed and replies  
  
 _"I wouldn't say that. You gave her your friend's phone number. That friend led her to Pivnik, who led her to me. If you had been the typical hunter, I would have never seen my kid again."_  
  
Dean briefly nod _s._ He looks embarrassed, his eyes avoiding Rudi's. Saskia told him Dean never called her back when she tried to thank him. She let him a couple of messages before giving up. So why does he look ashamed? Does he think he let her go out of weakness?

_"You know, she feels so grateful to you she literally came here the second Sam asked for her help."_

Dean raises his head, looking surprised

_"She did?"_

Rudi smiles

_"Yes. And then she asked me to come, saying rescuing you was extremely important to her, that you had saved her."_

Dean's expression changes and becomes softer. He didn't call Saskia back because he thought she wanted something out of him he couldn't give. He remembers how he kissed her in the kitchen, hungrily, desperately, not giving a shit about the fact she was gonna get married in three months. He was tired and afraid. Sam was sick, so sick with the trials, and he needed to release the tension. He needed to do something  little self destructive, like every time he felt scared. She could have burnt him alive, but instead, she reciprocated almost violently. That's only a few hours later, when he woke up and saw her looking distraught and cold that he understood that once more he had hurt someone pretty bad. She had barely looked at him when he gave her Garth's phone, and Sam had asked him if something had happened during the night. So when she called him, saying she had found her long lost adoptive dad, had canceler her wedding and had started studying magic, he thought he had yet again destroyed someone's life. Because what sane person would willingly leave the safety of a pretty white house and the comfort of a normal man's arms?

So learning that she feels grateful to him is a little confusing, but he can recognize the light in Rudi's eyes when he talks about his daughter. He clearly loves her like his own, and there's something about that look that makes him less wary of the warlock. A little less.

The new syringe flies out of Rudi's hand and this time Dean instinctively comes closer. He sees Rudi is looking for another injection point  
  
 _"Why don't you just shoot in the first one?"_  
  
Rudi shakes his head  
  
 _"It damages the veins, you'll get bruises."_  
  
Dean laughs  
  
 _"It's not like I've never got any."_  
  
Rudi replies  
  
 _"It's not like you need more."_  
  
And he slowly injects the content of the second syringe. Dean is a little puzzled by this kind of attention. He remembers his father sewing his wounds with dental floss while he was biting a pillow. This guy doesn't want him to get bruises. The hell?

Suddenly Dean starts feeling a little dizzy.  
  
 _"Wow, I feel it this time..."_  
  
Rudi asks  
  
 _"Feel it how?"_  
  
Dean stutters  
  
 _"Uh...I...I don't know... Like I'm uh...drunk?"_  
  
Rudi says  
  
 _"Calm? Not worried? Not angry?"_  
  
Dean suddenly has helpless eyes and before he can say anything, Rudi says  
  
 _"Ex addict, trust me, I know."_  
  
Dean hears himself say  
  
 _"You asked me what i craved for earlier well... bourbon, mostly."_  
  
Rudi nods. Obviously, the blood is working, it's attacking the anchor. If Dean can let go of whatever the Mark uses as an anchor, it will give him control over it. But he needs to know what the anchor precisely is.  
  
 _"What does the bourbon hide?"_  
  
Dean grabs another compress and presses it on the inside of his elbow  
  
 _"Guilt."_  
  
It's like his mouth works against his own will, he's not gonna spill his guts to someone he doesn't know, is he? But while Rudi starts filling a third syringe, he says  
  
 _"I can't escape it. It's just... I could rip my own skin with my nails just to make it go away..."_  
  
And strangely enough, the Mark helped him. Since Cain gave it to him, he's never felt so in control of himself. It was just like Purgatory, when everything was pure. Live or die. As simple as that. No complexity. No waking up with adrenaline rushes burning up your veins.

Rudi walks back to him  
  
 _"Why do you feel that guilty?"_  
  
Dean's mind is screaming. He can't, he can't. He can't expose himself like this, it's... shameful. And dangerous. Yes it's dangerous. He remembers how Alastair knew everything about him, every single detail, every single secret, and how he used it against him. And now he's trapped here, and interrogated. Is that why this guy is nice to him? Because he wants to know things about him? Why? What does he want? He can't possibly be that interested in him, no. He has an agenda. He definitely has one.

Rudi notices the wariness in Dean's eyes.  
  
 _"I see"_ , he says, before adding, _"sit down Dean, take a minute."_  
  
Dean rebels. Something is definitely not right.  
  
 _"I don't want to sit down! I don't want you to shrink me, just to fix me up so I can go out and kick that son of a bitch's ass!"_  
  
Rudi smirks. That's not gonna be easy. Sam warned him Dean wasn't easy to deal with, and he obviously isn't. Maybe it means he was close to the anchor earlier. Whatever it is, it's linked to his guilt, and now his whole mind is trying to defend it. That Mark, though evil, is really a work of art in its own way.  
  
 _"What son of a bitch?"_  
  
Dean shouts  
  
 _"Luci! Who else?"_  
  
Rudi sighs

_"The situation is far more complicated than that Dean, we'll explain that to you when the time comes."_

Dean glares at him, but Rudi doesn't seem to care.  
  
 _"And for now, you could take advantage of some time off."_  
  
Dean feels more and more angry. Who the hell does he think he is to patronize him? He grunts  
  
 _"I don't need time off."_  
  
Rudi notices it's been several times that Dean has glanced to the door. He's certainly hoping for Sam to be close, or maybe even worries about him.What did Sam say? Worrying about me is Dean's default mode?  
  
 _"He's right outside you know."_  
  
Before he can fully process what Rudi's just said Dean yells  
  
 _"Why isn't he here? Why is he letting me alone with you? I don't even know who you are and..."_  
  
Oh so that's it. He's possessive.  
  
 _"He trusts me Dean. I helped him, he trusts me to help you."_  
  
Dean replies, looking contemptuous  
  
 _"I don't know you."_  
  
He's like a child saying he doesn't speak to strangers. And he certainly is, in a way. He's been in charge of another child way too soon, and his protective instincts towards Sam are extremely strong.  
  
 _"You don't trust Sam's judgment?"_  
  
Dean kicks his chair  
  
 _"Not when he teams up with people like..."_  
  
Rudi completes  
  
 _"Me? With powers?"_

Dean frowns and Rudi adds

 _"Ruby?"_  
  
Dean stops. And says between his teeth  
  
 _"How do you know?"_  
  
Rudi says  
  
 _"Sam told me. When I was training him."_  
  
Dean turns around and walks the closest possible to Rudi's face. He's very pale, and his green eyes have turned khaki with the anger.  
  
 _"So you're the one responsible for him having his powers again?"_  
  
Rudi smiles, a little proudly  
  
 _"I am."_  
  
Dean yells  
  
 _"You son of a bitch! You're lucky I'm trapped here I'm telling you!"_  
  
Dean remembers how scary Sam was on the hill, and the trail of dead demons behind him. The amber eyes. So he's the one to blame for it, he's the one who lured him to get the devil out of the box again.

Rudi sits down, still calm.  
  
 _"Why are you so mad? Sam needed his powers, they're a part of him. And he's fine."_  
  
Dean shouts again  
  
 _"You don't get to say he's fine or not!"_  
  
Rudi tilts his head  
  
 _"You do?"_  
  
Dean replies  
  
 _"Hell yeah!I know him, I'm the one who raised him!"_  
  
Rudi shakes his head  
  
 _"Sorry but no, he does. Sam gets to say he's fine."_  
  
Dean hisses  
  
 _"Last time it started the Apocalypse."_  
  
Okay, so we're getting there. There is guilt and there is Sam. Jealousy maybe? Rudi replies, with the same calm tone  
  
 _"No, you did."_  
  
The fucker knows everything, and now Dean has nothing to kick or throw away. He can just scream.  
  
 _"That's why you trapped me here? So you can tell me all that crap? No wonder Sam is outside he would never..."_  
  
Rudi cuts him  
  
 _"Let anyone hurt you?"_  
  
Dean painfully laughs  
  
 _"This isn't Dr Sexy M.D, I'm not some wuss who can't stand..."_  
  
He clenches his jaw, trying to calm down.  
  
 _"You can stop your little games and straight up tell me what you want."_  
  
He says, with a very dark stare. Rudi asks  
  
 _"What games? That's the truth. You were tortured and brainwashed in Hell to the point you started torturing other people. That broke the first seal on Lucifer's cage."_  
  
Dean calms down a little, but maybe that's just what it looks like.  
  
 _"I know that. There's no need to shove it down my throat."_  
  
He sees the third syringe flying towards him and he fights against his instinct to smack it on the ground. He needs to remember that sanctified blood will make him able to walk out that trap, and when he is able...

Once the injection is done, he starts feeling unstable. It's worse than before, like a thousand thoughts and sensations are bubbling inside him, driving him nuts. Rudi starts talking again, noticing the cold sweat on Dean's forehead, and how he's becoming even paler.  
  
 _"I don't shove anything down your throat. You insisted Sam needed to be guided, by you, because his decisions had terrible consequences."_  
  
Rudi gets up and prepares a fourth syringe  
  
 _"I'm just telling the truth."_  
  
Dean sighs and sits down. His legs are starting to feel weak. Maybe that guy is poisoning him, who knows? Anyway, who cares? He felt enraged earlier but now he's just too tired to fight. He's so tired. So terribly tired. That's the first time he feels it so strongly.  
  
 _"If you say so."_  
  
Rudi continues, seeing Dean is calmer  
  
 _"So is it about that, the guilt? About Hell?"_  
  
Dean sighs again, feeling beaten. What's the point of hiding all that anyway?  
  
 _"About Hell, about the people who trusted me and died, about the bad choices I made, about my lies, about bourbon, about..."_  
  
He hides his face in his hands  
  
 _"Fuck."_  
  
Rudi comes closer, and Dean whispers  
  
 _"I'm poison."_  
  
Rudi has an intuition and tries  
  
 _"Are you to Sam?"_  
  
He sees Dean's hand are shaking. Suddenly he lashes out while getting up  
  
 _"Of course I am, what do you think? I wrecked his life the moment I came back into it! He should have had a normal life, he should have been a lawyer with a house and a wife and a family and instead he's just..."_  
  
Dean's voice breaks  
  
 _"Here..."_  
  
While looking at the room's door.  
  
Guilt, jealousy, regret, need. We're getting there. Rudi says, softly  
  
 _"He shouldn't be here with you?"_  
  
Dean whispers, his eyes lost behind the tears  
  
 _"If he knew what was good for him he wouldn't be. He would run away from me as fast as he can."_  
  
Sam's decisions can't be trusted because Sam chose to stay with him. That's how deep that kid's self hate is. Rudi frowns  
  
 _"Yeah but you've said it yourself, you need him."_  
  
Dean grabs his hair  
  
 _"That's because I'm the sick one, okay? In spite of everything I say about him and stuff I'm... I'm broken, I'll go down swinging and him, him... He will survive this, he has to."_  
  
His voice breaks a little again, and there's that weight in his throat he needs to spit out. So why not leaving that burden here? Why not leaving it here and then sleep, or die, or just be at peace, whatever form it takes.  
  
 _"You said something was done to you when you were a kid well something was done to me too."_  
  
Rudi says, softly  
  
 _"I know kid, I know."_  
  
Sam has after all told him everything about his childhood and how Dean shielded him from all the violence. Dean's upbringing made him the perfect candidate for all that came after. The first to use him as a servant was his father and it's all he's ever been since. 

While Dean tries to calm down, Rudi injects him again with the fourth syringe. He's close.  
  
 _"I'm so fucking angry"_  
  
Dean whispers, while looking at the blood disappearing in his arm.  
  
 _"I've spent my whole life being used like a puppet..."_  
  
Rudi wants to cross the line and comfort the kid in front of him, but he can't right now, he's still unstable. But still. There's something helpless and terrified in his eyes, and a terrible loneliness. Sam's blood is not only Dean's lover's blood, it's also an empath's blood. Rudi has always thought it could help Dean reconnect with his emotions and get some control over the anchor. To be honest it could also have driven him nuts, and if a few days ago Rudi wouldn't have cared, now he feels a little guilty seeing the kid so wrecked emotionally.  
  
 _"You deserve better than that Dean"_  
  
Rudi says, with a soothing voice.  
  
 _"And no one is abandoning you, or leaving you on the side of the road like a sick puppy if that's what you're worried about."_  
  
Dean looks at him and Rudi sees all the sadness of the world in his eyes. He's afraid Sam is gonna leave him, that's why he's so jealous and possessive. Somehow he thinks Sam only stays with him because he needs him. Dean sadly laughs  
  
 _"What happens when I'm no use?"_  
  
That's it, he was right. Rudi whispers  
  
 _"You're not a tool kid."_  
  
Dean feels his throat tighten. When did he ever get that emotional? That must be Sam's girly blood. He'll tell them later. I was this close to pain my nails Samantha! But instead of sarcasm, he hears himself replies, with the saddest tone  
  
 _"If you say so..."_  
  
That's it. Rudi's had enough, and he's never been known for being careful. Plus he doesn't have his seal anymore and it makes him a bleeding heart. Like a god damn grandma. Rudi crosses the trap and hugs Dean, who stays completely stiff.  
  
 _"You're not. You're not. I'm gonna fix you up, and you'll be okay kid."_  
  
Dean awkwardly pats the older man on the back, but he doesn't let go. It doesn't feel like the man hugs he got sometimes from his father or Bobby. There is no strength in it. Rudi's embrace is loose, and he could get away from it if he wanted. But he doesn't. It feels... it feels...  
  
 _"I'm sorry..."_  
  
He mumbles, not sure of why he's apologizing. Rudi cuts him  
  
 _"It's okay son. Let it out, I'm not mad at you, nobody is."_  
  
Dean knows that he should be a little offended at the tone Rudi used, after all he's not 8 years old, but there's nothing malicious about what he's just said. He looks completely honest, and slowly, Dean feels himself get a little relaxed. Being detached from the Blade probably helps. Probably.  
  
Rudi slowly lets Dean go, but remains close to him.

" _Dean I don't know if you realize but... all the people gathered here, they're here thanks to you."_  
  
Dean looks confused again  
  
 _"Because I lost control on the battlefield, where we were trying to get you back, Saskia and Sam went to my old coven and now we all stand united when I had lost contact with them decades ago."_  
  
He continues  
  
 _"Two of the Knights you dubbed chose to come here and fight with us"_  
  
Dean now seems positively surprised. He did see them earlier, but he thought they were prisoners, not allies.  
  
 _"And now we're on a quest to save the Earth, no less, all that because..."_  
  
He smiles  
  
 _"All that because Sam couldn't stand losing you and started that..."_ he laughs, _"task force to retrieve you."_  
  
Dean can't help but smile. Rudi says  
  
 _"You're very much loved."_  
  
And in his mouth it doesn't sound shameful or ridiculous. Dean smiles and nods, but still can't say a word.  
  
 _"So stop acting like you don't deserve it or you don't matter okay? I won't allow that in my coven."_  
  
Dean looks surprised  
  
 _"Since when am I part of your coven?"_  
  
Rudi smiles  
  
 _"Since Sam is part of it and I promised him you'd be too."_  
  
He adds  
  
 _"So now I can say it to you officially Dean, welcome to the family"_  
  
Dean nods again, and Rudi sees tears on the corners of his eyes.

 

Sam was right, his brother is made of steal but only on the outside.


	40. Turn the page

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems like the story's gonna be a little longer than planned! I can't resist some character development, I hope it's ok for you darlings.  
> And thanks again for your support!

Compared to the sixth and seventh syringe, the first five were a walk in the park. At the sixth one Dean began to uncontrollably shake, as if he were hit by a massive panic attack. All he could do was howling like a wounded animal, and nothing intelligible would come out of his mouth.  
  
Rudi had now completely forgotten his own safety and was holding him inside the circle, hoping for Sam to respect his request and not enter the room under no circumstances. Dean needed to go out of his state on his own, he needed to break all his defenses and if Sam was there it wouldn't be possible.  
  
_"Tell me what's wrong Dean, you need to let it out"_  
  
Dean heard Rudi's voice in a blur, but he couldn't voice what he felt. It was like Hell was coming right back into his mind, mixed with his childhood, all his times of grieving, and the anger, and the self hate and all... It burnt his veins and made his heart beat so rapidly he had trouble breathing.  
  
_"I can't... I can't..."_  
  
Rudi grabbed the seventh syringe and injected him, hoping it would calm him down and in a way, it did. Except Dean was lying on the ground like a lifeless puppet, only moaning like a child in pain.

 

***

 

 

It feels strange to be back on the passenger seat, almost unsettling. Logan is quiet, but the silence isn't heavy. He’s just focused on the road while Saskia is looking at the rain falling on the windshield. Even the smell is familiar. It smells like coffee and cigarette, like leather and... God… It shouldn't feel like home. She shouldn't feel safe trapped in a box with him. She shivers, and she sees him turning the heat up. Did he do that when she was a child? Why does it matter? He’s just acting like any other normal person, he doesn't deserve a cookie for being decent.

She closes her eyes. Maybe if she could just sleep it would turn her brain off. Off him. Because let’s not deny what's happening. This is all about her and her crazy relationship with him. This is all about Stockholm and contrary to what she thought, setting things straight with him doesn't make it go away. It makes it worse. Because he's changed. Not by her doing by Andy's unintended one but it doesn't change anything. He's sober, he's the way she needed him to be before, and right now she would need...

"Lo?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we re gonna make it?"

He glances at her. She reluctantly let him drive her car and she's sit on the passenger seat with her right knee tucked under her chin. Just like she used to. And no seat belt. He remembers his old car didn't have any and that he didn't care about safety then. She's twirling her hair around her finger and all this is too familiar, smothering. He doesn't know what he’s feeling. He does know that when he sees her looking at the others, especially Sam, it stings. Just before they left, he saw in Sam’s eyes that he was worried about her. Of course he had to stay with his catatonic brother – the curing session went a little awry – and Kay assured him she would be all right.

And it scares the hell out of him that after all this time he's still possessive. Having had some kind of epiphany about his past douchebaggery hasn't cleaned his stained soul, and the turmoil he's feeling right now reminds it to him pretty clearly. He thought he could handle being around her, he wanted it even. Redemption felt easy then, in New York, where he was someone else; that friendly, reliable coffee shop guy, with a clean past. He likes being him. In this car, on the other hand, he could almost see his former self in the rearview, with dark circles under his eyes and bruises in the crook of his left elbow. And lil Kay on the passenger seat.

"I'm sure you will"

He says, eyes locked on the asphalt. That’s true now the group is in an even deeper mess. First there was Linda and her vision, crushing everything they thought was true about God’s Vessel, who appeared not to be God but Michael. Then they had to tell that to the other angels, who very conveniently came to tell them no less than they all had to be cured if they didn’t want to be part of a giant black stone. And then of course, he had to take his turn in guard duty and bump into a fucking spy.

Saskia nods.

"I was including you in that sentence"

Logan laughs.

"Sorry. I didn't get it that way."

He sees Saskia frowning

"Kay I'm still a demon and even if I wasn't, I'm not exactly poster boy for team humanity and I doubt I'm gonna be of any use in battle."

"You found the Reaper"

He shrugs

"Was lucky."

Yeah, the Reaper. Creeping around the bunker. Since Kevin’s aggression, Logan had been on edge concerning surveillance, because no one could know when the other strike would come. And then, while Dean Winchester was yelling his heart out in the bunker, and the angels, warlocks, people and whatnot were having a meeting, he was out, fighting with a guy who wouldn’t say a word to him except, “you’re the one who murdered my brothers”. As it appeared, his brothers were the ones Andy had dismembered. Fortunately, as he was losing the battle, help came, well Andy came, and they managed to capture the guy.  
He accepted to talk, but only to Sam Winchester, and said he and other Reapers, because that’s what he was, were training to fight against the Angels and regain their freedom. He was sent to retrieve the Prophet and bring him to his leader. It was decided that Kevin wouldn’t go anywhere, but that Saskia would come in Sam’s place to meet the Reaper’s leader that the guy refused to name. Maybe they could even negotiate an alliance.

Rudi and Sam had to stay to take care of Dean, so Logan volunteered to come with Saskia. It was certainly a good thing that no one had yet the time to tell Saskia’s father who Logan really was, so he just nodded and hugged his daughter instead of turning him to dust. Castiel and Charlie were following them in another car. Angels, humans, demons and wizards, all united against Heaven and Hell; that could only appeal to the Reapers’ leader, Death, according to Sam. What a pleasant perspective.

Saskia remains silent. Chit chatting has always been hard, Logan has never been the talking type. But if she's honest, she can feel the awkwardness of the situation. She's on her way to meet Death with someone she killed.

"I'm sorry."

She whispers, while drawing in the mist on her window. Logan is startled

"About what?"

That's maybe not the moment. But is there really a moment to talk about the people you murdered? Is there an acceptable way to have a conversation about it?

"Killing you."

Logan looks at her and she's even more curled up, if that's possible, than before. She's trying to be the tiniest possible, just like when she was a scared kid.

"Told you I had it coming."

He replies, feeling his hands clenching the wheel. This isn't a subject he's comfortable with. Understatement. But that's the truth, he did have it coming. At least that's the way he sees it now. He doesn't know if what he's been through in Hell scrubbed him clean or not. Probably not. Doesn't matter the punishment you've been through, you might be clear in the eyes of society, but you'll never be to your victims. And that's what she is.  
That will always be between them, whoever he's become now.

"You all."

She adds. Logan lights a cigarette. There's no way he can have that conversation without some nicotine in his system. Saskia is turning her back on him, and she speaks so low he can barely hear her.

"The people I killed... They were your family."

Logan doesn't say anything. Yes, yes they were. After all, his group was founded by Rick's father. Some of those who died that night were his cousins. And even if he wasn't related to the others, he had grown up with them. Doesn't mean he loved them all, or even liked them. Some, he hated. Like Lou, his father's ex and her son Brian, who was older than him, and a real asshole.

They all came from broken homes, or lost towns in the middle of nowhere. Lou followed them for pretty much no reason. She was fleeing an abusive husband with her two year old son. She was going from motel to motel, and one day she just ran into Rick in a gas station's convenience store and that's how she became part of the group. There was his aunt Marcie, Rick's sister, and her three kids, Jennifer, Reagan and Elliot. Much younger than him, Jennifer, the elder, was Saskia's age, Reagan and Elliot, the twins, were fourteen. Marcie's husband was killed by a werewolf when the twins were still babies.

She cried for a day and after that she just went back to her original coldness. After all she was born into hunting, just like her kids, and it had always struck Logan how adapted they were to the life. He needed to be high to survive it, and to forget other things, but still. Marcie never called Saskia by her name, or talked to her directly. She called her "the Demon", and told Logan at length that his father was irresponsible and he needed to be careful around her. She even had a heated argument with Rick when he asked Logan to train Saskia, saying she could kill him the moment she'd be out of sight. Marcie wasn't afraid of standing up to Rick and that's why he liked her then. She defended him. That's how he saw it.

He remembers when Ellen arrived, how everyone in the camp except Frank, because Frank always sided with Rick, was against it. Especially Marcie, who didn't want a witch around her kids. Now he thinks about it, they all went through a terrible training, but Marcie was more afraid of Ellen and Saskia than of losing one of her children to a trained pit bull. And it became even worse when Ellen and Rick got together.

Rick was really infatuated with Ellen, but his feelings weren't shared. Now that time has passed, he sees how young Ellen was when she arrived, only 25, and how lost she was in their environment. She never said where she came from but he could see she had been raised in a protected environment. She was appalled by the violence and basically their manners. She spoke with a refined English accent, and knew a lot about many things. To them, she was Ms Smartypants, a posh outlander, and maybe it was even worse than being a witch and having a scary child.

"They weren't good people."

There was also Emerson, or Ems, an old friend of Logan's grandfather, with an old baseball cap fused to his head, and always carrying a shotgun. His son Bucky, and his two sons Chris and Nate. Same passion for fire arms, same flannel shirts, same... everything. Plus a handful of other people, drifters and occasional hunting partners.

Maybe they were his family, but if given the choice he would never go back to them. Now he can see very clearly how pathetic they all were, with their illusions of grandeur and their absolute certitude of being the guardians of humanity or some shit like that. When they did ask for money to help people, money that their clients were more than willing to give, especially when Ellen and Saskia became their sure way of always succeeding. And they still despised them for that.

"This place was... I mean the whole camp it was... Hell “

He remembers how stupid he felt when he randomly forgot what Saskia could do and was caught off guard with her. How he tried his best to remember Marcie's words, and Ems's. Don't trust the demon Logan, whatever your father says, she has the appearance of a child but no one knows if she is one. After all his father had done to him, he couldn't be trusted, could he?

"I don't know how to tell you that but somehow... I had to die so I could escape."

He pauses. He had never considered it that way. But before he can say anything he hears Saskia's trembling voice.

"I killed Marcie's children in front of her."

She sobs

"And I laughed."

He turns to her. She's still not facing him.

"I see what you're trying to do and I..."

She turns to him, eyes filled with tears

"I can't escape what I've done, whoever those people were, whatever you all did to me."

She seems so confused Logan stops the car

"You sure you wanna talk about that now?"

He says, a little worried. Saskia grabs his wrist.

"I need...."

She bites her lip

"I need you to forgive me"

Tears are falling down her face, and Logan doesn't know what to say. It's pouring outside, and Saskia's hand is burning hot on his cold skin. Her eyes are feverish, just like when her fire made her sick. He remembers how she took out her anger on the creatures she killed, how she scared him sometimes, looking right at him or at the people of the camp while burning a monster. And how helpless she looked right after, with her nosebleeds and her confusion.

"Why?"

He asks. He of all people. She bites her lip, and briefly glances outside. They’re surrounded by a thick fog and there's no way they can go back on the road now.

"You know, after what happened i spent time on the road and... After 6 months I ended up in Rhode Island"

She tells him about the say she arrived to point Judith. She wanted to see the ocean and swim until shed drown.

"I couldn't stand what i had done. Couldn't live with myself."

She had wrecked clothes and she was paper thin. So when an old lady living behind the beach came to her and proposed her food, she didn't think and followed her.

"Her name was Nan, Marianne actually but no one ever called that. She took me in"

Nan was from a generation that didn't ask questions plus she was irish.so.not prone to hugs and long conversations. But she had a kind heart and took care of Saskia without ever asking her about her past.

“ At some point I made up a story but she never fully believed it"

Nan gave Saskia all the love she had ever needed and let her do what she wanted. Mainly being alone.

I didn't go to school. I couldn't be with others I was scared I would kill them"

Before owning an antique shop Nan had been an elementary school teacher, and she took care of Saskia's education.

"I was very very ignorant then. I had no knowledge of how the real world worked."

Logan smiles sadly. He knows what it’s like. It used to piss him off to feel so inferior to the people they met on cases. They used words he didn't understand, references he couldn't get and it felt strangely good to see them terrified and in need of his help. He was only worthy of attention when something supernatural happened. But in the real world he was less than no one. He was a junkie. And in the end, it made him despise the people he was supposed to help.

"She explained me things, TV explained me others... Little by little I became able to talk to outsiders, to go out of the house... And she never asked me anything. She just loved me."

Saskia explains she regrets her years of silence now. That she wishes she knew more about Nan's life, because she wasn't a talker either and never gave her many details. She didn't have many souvenirs in her house, like old people usually do. Only a couple of pictures of her and a little boy, her son, from whom she was estranged.

"She never talked about him so I didn't ask either"

Logan nods and says

"Talk when you're asked to. Don't ask questions. Respect orders."

Saskia chuckles

" Yeah..."

They were both raised like this after all. After her graduation she began to help Nan at managing her shop, and she became slowly able to talk to people until she was asked for a date by the small town heartthrob.

"I had no idea of what I was supposed to do I mean... I couldn't just... Take what I needed and leave. It's not the way they do that in the normal world"

Logan smiles. He knows exactly what she means. He used to be the passing bad boy back then. Never able to maintain a relationship for more than two days, not that he wanted to anyway. He feels a sour taste in his mouth when he remembers she used to be his only stable one. As fucked up as it may seem now, he couldn't really stay away for long. He took her everywhere, and she had no choice but to follow him and do as he said.

"Anyway what I mean is... She brought me back to life. With simple love and care and..." She laughs "apple pie, tv dinners and all those things we never had"

Logan closes his eyes.

"I thought about you then, sometimes, and I wondered what kind of person you could have been if you had grown up there."

He knows where she's going and he doesn't know if he will be able to hear it without crumbling.

"I wanted to hate you then. I wanted to believe what I had done was justified and my mind wouldn't let me", she corrects, "my mind won't let me. I killed you and all the people you cared about and this... This is my crime."

Logan slowly opens his eyes and stares at her face, only lit by the car's weak light. She has tears in her eyes, he feels some coming to his, but there's so much pain between them... So much anger, so much hate, so much...

"You were just a kid Kay... You were only a kid and I... we all ... I mean if you feel guilty you can just give me your guilt, you give me that darkness and..."

He gulps

"I'll carry it for you."

Saskia frowns, holding back the tears.

"That's mine now." He adds, looking at the wheel, "you don't have to be forgiven for anything"

Saskia is torn between crying and yelling at him for acting like he's become such a saint.

He chuckles

"I know how it sounds. But I'm the one who ended up in Hell and you're the one saving the world"

She bites her lip

"What if I had died with everyone?"

He answers

"You didn't. You walked out of that thing. Meaning you still had stuff to do out here. And if you had died you wouldn't have landed in Hell"

Saskia whispers

"Why?"

Logan rubs his tired eyes with the back of his hand.

"Because there isn't an ounce of hate inside you. The only time it happened it was because of me and it apparently wrecked you for years"

Saskia suddenly realizes something so simple she had never thought about it. Back then in that motel she used the dark side of her power. That's how she literally set her whole body ablaze and turned the room into a furnace without getting hurt. She sucked the life out of them while burning them. She hadn't realized she was a healer then so the first time her healing power manifested it was through its darkest side. And it did wreck her for years. That's what Rudi said, using dark magic without supervision can make you mental. And since he's always considered that she was right to kill them all, he certainly never thought she had used dark magic. When she thinks about it she has never set herself on fire again since that terrible night. She has a high tolerance to heat but when she uses her fire it never directly touches her skin. Back then all her clothes burnt.

"I was hateful. I hated myself, Rick, life...", he sighs, "you..."

Says Logan, eyes still locked on the wheel.

"And I can recognize hate when i see it. You've never been hateful, your friend Dean in the other hand..."

Saskia asks

"What about him?"

Logan carefully chooses his words

"He used to be my commander Kay. I saw him do things. To other demons. And he was clearly enjoying it"

Logan expects Saskia to snap at him but instead she says

"That's what I'm afraid of too"

She explains him how Dean attacked Sam on the hill when they tried to save him the first time. How aggressive he was. And all those things Sam told her about what Dean had done to him since he had been out of Hell.

"Sam doesn't realize Dean isn't the person he used to know before Hell. He's changed..."

Logan nods

"If he stays in the life it will turn him into...", he lights up another cigarette, "there were times in my life when I thought about leaving you know. When I turned 21 for example. Thought about settling down somewhere, getting a job, maybe meeting a girl or... a guy..."

He smokes for a minute, his eyes lost. Saskia is really surprised to hear him say "guy". Logan wasn't the last to use homophobic slurs back in the group.

"And then I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw..."

He points at himself, a sarcastic smile on his lips.

"I saw that I was only good at breaking bones."

Saskia whispers

"Logan..."

He sighs

"And you know what? I was wrong. But it wasn't about me being unable to do something else, it was about me being unable to let go of my fucking ego."

Saskia is surprised and asks him what he means

"I mean I could have done exactly what I was doing when you came to pick me up at Frankie's. But you know, when you serve coffees or deliver pizzas or whatever... You ain't a hero"

Saskia nods. Of course.

"You're just part of the crowd. You don't have a destiny. You don't fight for a cause, you have nothing high and mighty to cling to when things get shitty."

He remains quiet for a minute, and Saskia can't say a word to break the silence.

"You know in the beginning I hated my job. Really. I did that because I didn't want to freeload. But my friend Sean, the one you met, he showed me how even when you serve coffees, you can be of use."

Logan explains Sean is way younger than him but is an old soul, really wise for his age. He got himself out of a terrible life that could sound completely cliché with no father, a mother addicted to freebase, a big brother going in and out of juvy... And he is nothing but kindness, working to support his brilliant little sister.

"He thinks Andy is my little brother. So to him I'm taking care of my bro just like he's taking care of Ruthie. And he told me that maybe we're just baristas but we turn those hipster lattes to gold by giving the kids a future."

He had never seen it that way. And it made him realize he didn't need to be a warrior, that if he could just be important for one or two people, it was enough. And with Andy undergoing right now the curing process, he feels like the kid’s gonna need some help to adjust to his new human life.

"The commander... He could have retired. I mean... In hell everyone knows who he is and uh...how his brother... "

He hesitates and Saskia says

"I know."

Logan seems relieved. And as he sees confusion in Saskia's eyes he adds "the life fucks you up, can't judge them" before saying

"Anyway if he cares so much about his brother he could have just... Let go. Settle down somewhere when no one knows them and let the world go round."

He smokes

"The planet didn't stop turning because Logan Atkins died. It will get over Dean Winchester's retirement."

Saskia whispers

"It's too easy right?"

Logan nods.

"Yup. Your dad turned his mind into rubble all right, but not everyone's able to rebuild oneself from scratch."

Saskia asks

"Are you?"

Logan shrugs

"I fight everyday Kay. Against me. And when I'm back to be a regular human I'll have to deal with trying to forget my problems by getting high"

He adds

"I know how close I am to falling right back into being good ole fucked up me, how easier it would be than trying to turn my life around."

Saskia says

"I barely recognize you."

He laughs

"That's good I guess. But if you wanna know what I think, Dean should retire like right now and never fight again."

Saskia frowns. The minute Dean gets back on his feet, he’s gonna want to fight. Right now he’s at his weakest, in an almost childlike state, but if Rudi insisted to stay in the bunker and take care of him with Sam, it’s because he’s really in trouble.

"He won't let us leave him behind."

Logan says

"The thing feeds on his self-hate right? Well believe me fighting will fuel it, because fighting is his way to deal with it."

Before Saskia can say anything he adds

"I know for you all he's a hero and I'm a villain. And I've never saved the world. But I have first-hand experience with self-hate, and Dean ain't cured, I'm telling you."

Saskia whispers

"You're not a villain."

Logan replies

"I'm not a good guy either."

Saskia shrugs

"You're trying. It's more than what many humans do."

Logan laughs

"As Andy would say, some people are utterly despicable, that is outrageous."

Saskia laughs

"Andy says that?"

He smiles

"Yeah. It's as if humans should be perfect because he's stopped killing. He's like 'some people deserve it Logan!"

Saskia smiles

"You like him."

Logan nods

"Believe it or not, he grows on people. Even Frankie. In the beginning he was always carrying holy water and then he was taking him to the movies and trying to get him to eat his pancakes."

Saskia laughs out loud

"Yeah, you should have seen his face when Andy said 'this is not the way you're supposed to make crepes Frank', and Frank went like 'oh yeah I forgot you were so fancy."

He laughs

"Andy made his death stare and Frank was so scared for a minute he splashed him with milk instead of holy water. And Andy went like 'i don't kill people for inability to make crepes for heaven's sake'. He grabbed the pan and made some looking like he was planning someone's execution, but in the end they were real good."

Saskia grins

"Andy cooks? Crepes?"

Logan smiles back

" Don't tell him I told you. He has a criminal mastermind's reputation to maintain."

Saskia turns suddenly serious

"Logan, if you want to leave..."

Logan shakes his head

"I made you a promise Kay. I'm helping you with your quest."

Saskia says

" I won't let anything happen to either of you then. When it's over, you'll go back to your lives. I promise you that."

Logan slowly nods.

"Thanks Kay."

A little embarrassed he glances outside and sees the fog is gone. They should go. Now is not the time to tell her he's not ready to let her go.

Not that there will ever be one.


	41. Not Your Toys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Trigger warning for mention of sexual abuse]
> 
> The final battle is approaching! Now is the time to find new allies!

The guy looked like any other truck driver. He had been staring at her from across the bar for the last fifteen minutes and she knew that it wouldn't be hard to convince him to drive her to the next town. She finished her beer, looking at him with faked shyness. After all she knew what they liked. Always a little innocence, and she was far from being an innocent. She was good at pretending though. She glanced at her reflection in the dirty mirror and tried to arrange her hair, and wiped the smudged make up under her eyes. I look like Courtney Love, she thought, and that wasn't a compliment. Her hair was dusty and she was clearly under fed, but that only made her look younger than her sixteen years of age, and she knew men loved that. So she rose from her chair and went to speak to trucker guy. His name was Lloyd, or Boyd, or whatever. And yes, he was going east. Yes he could give her a ride. That's all she needed to know. When they arrived in the truck, she sat on her seat and waited for what would inevitably come. She knew those guys by heart. They were all disgusting and they were all exactly what she deserved.

Since he wasn't saying anything she started looking around and saw a picture pinned on the wheel. A woman, something like forty, certainly the wife, and a girl, maybe fifteen.

_"Your family?"_

She asked. The guy nodded. So that was why it took him so long. She smiled and said they were both really pretty. He nodded again.

_"You must feel lonely on the road"_

She added, as if she cared about the guy's feelings. They were after all, all the same. The guy was certainly wondering how asking her for a blowjob without appearing like a pedo. He was surely also thinking that his Jenny wasn't the streetwalker style and so that asking her wouldn't be like asking one if his daughter's schoolmates. These girls had parents, went to school, had curfews. This one? Not so much. So it wasn't the same, she wasn't really a child. And she had heard that so many times.

She started to notice the growing bulge in his jeans. So predictable. He took his cap off and put it on his lap, not so discreetly hiding the obvious. So he was still struggling? Interesting.

_"You shouldn't be on the road like that all alone"_

She fought not to roll her eyes. A sermon now? Who was he kidding? He hadn't even started the engine. If he was so worried about her, he would just shut up and drive. She said she was fine and could handle herself. Since she didn't have anyone to take care of her, she needed to fend for herself.

She saw him relax a little bit when he heard she didn't have parents. Fucker.

_"And how old are you?"_

He asked, still not looking at her.

_"Fourteen."_

She said, then adding

_"And a half."_

As if it made any kind of difference. He glanced at her and she saw a hint of reprobation in his eyes. The tattooed back, the cropped t shirt, cut out jeans and bleached blond hair... He was certainly thinking he would never allow his little princess to look like that even for Halloween.

_"I have a daughter your age"_

He said, pointing at the picture. She didn't answer, savoring the effects of her lie. He still hadn't started the engine yet, the fight was certainly really hard. She smiled and said

_"She's very lucky to have you for a Daddy"_

While taking his cap of his lap, and putting it back on his head. He didn't say anything, just gulped. Sweat drops began appearing on his forehead.

_"You want something before we leave Daddy?"_

She said, glancing at his groin. This was the moment when a decent man would have pretended not to understand and left the parking lot. He would have also tried to convince her to go to the police, to find some help. Maybe he would have even called his wife, saying you're not gonna believe it, I found a kid, Jenny's age, on the road, all alone. And his wife would have told him to bring her to their house, so she could have a nice meal.

But decent people were a myth and he unbuckled his pants.

_"Ye...yeah"_

He said, while freeing himself from the denim. She could see the relief in his eyes. He hadn't had to ask so he wasn't the bad guy. She had certainly done that with a hundred guys before right? Well in a way, she had.

_"If you're nice, I'll take you all the way to Rhode Island"_

Euphemisms. How adorably cowardly. He was already touching himself, looking half horny half ashamed. He was hard, but not that much. She whispered

_"You want me to take care of that Daddy?"_

She saw it twitch. Pervert. She briefly looked at the kid's picture and did what she was asked. Thinking she should burn him before he would touch the kid. Thinking in three days she would finally reach the ocean and that none of it would matter anymore. The water would swallow her whole and take her away. Clean everything inside and out. She would forget about Lo's touch and her complete absence of fight. She would forget about the screams and the let my children live, please Saskia please, and how she laughed while burning them. She would forget about the past six months and all the Lloyds and all their hands and all their...

_"Thanks."_

He said, not looking at her. She didn't say anything and he started the truck, before quickly leaving the parking lot and turning the radio on. She turned her back on him and looked at herself in the window. Monster, she thought. Demon. Her eyes briefly changed colors before turning back to green and she shut them tight. Three days. Three days and I'm finally dead.

_"Kay?"_

Logan shakes Saskia's shoulder and she screams and get out of the car, yellow eyes on and a fireball in her hand

_"Wow, wow, wow Saskia? It's me okay? Calm down"_

Saskia slowly comes back to her senses, and blinks several times, looking at Logan whose hands are up. She looks at the fire in her hand and understands that no matter how far she runs, she can't escape her past. And now it comes back biting her at the worst possible time.

_"We're there, you ready?"_

He asks, obviously worried. She gets back on her feet and says

_"Yeah. Yeah sure."_

Not sure at all.

***

 

 

 

 

 

Adele has  just asked Sam to bring her a cup of tea and Rudi knows that it's just a way of talking to him without Sam hearing the conversation. When she starts talking in German, he knows something is definitely wrong.

_ "You think I wouldn't have seen Rudi?" _

Rudi feels a little bad

_ "Egyptian blood magic" _

She says, while wiping Dean's forehead.

_ "I may have lived a secluded life but I recognize a forbidden spell when I see one." _

Rudi sits on the nearest armchair

_ "Didn't have much of a choice, did I? Extremely old magic required an extremely old spell..." _

Adele briefly raises her eyes and stares at him for a second, making him quite uneasy

_ "There's a reason they're forbidden Rudi. This isn't made to be cast by a human. And you've been extremely lucky with the blood." _

Rudi nods, keeping silent

_ "But they are two men. It's a flaw." _

Rudi is going to protest when Adele adds

_ "The spell wasn't made for two men  Rudger . You remember? Magic can only be understood..." _

He completes

_ "Within its cultural context." _

They haven't been both raised and taught by Hermann for no reason. Adele begins to count Dean's pulse

_ "Isis and Osiris were twins, a man and a woman, husband and wife, soul mates, here you have two brothers. What were you thinking?" _

Rudi replies

_ "They are soul mates." _

Adele frowns a second, but Rudi knows that it won't shock her. God knows how inbred they all are in the covens.

_ "That's a good thing then. But Lucifer isn't Seth and this Mark didn't cut him in pieces." _

Rudi shrugs

_ "In a way it did. It made him do things he would never have done, it hurt his soul." _

Adele cuts

_ "Well, magic is precision, and these approximations are the reasons why he's still unconscious." _

Dean coughs and Adele helps him throw up some more black liquid

_ "That Mark is a parasite Rudi. It's everywhere inside his carnal body and his astral body.That your spell can't help with" _

Rudi whispers

_ "What else could I do?" _

Adele starts crushing some dried leaves and replies

_ "I don't know. But have you told Sam the odds were not exactly in his brother's favors?" _

Rudi sighs

_ "We don't know that." _

Adele stares at him with judgmental eyes

_ "We do. You have, we have, absolutely no idea of the extent of the damage this Mark made on his body, and on his soul. We might reach a point where what remains to save is...." _

Rudi cuts

_ "Don't say that..." _

Adele persists

_ "A fraction of who he used to be. That's the danger of using spells you don't understand fully. He took a tremendous risk and there are always consequences." _

Rudi protests

_ "He's right in front of you Adele. And he did that to save people. He did that with good intentions. I think it counts, and I think these kids deserve a little hope." _

Adele's gaze slowly becomes softer

_ "What was I supposed to tell Sam? I have a spell that has 1% chances to save your brother temporarily and maybe that when the Mark is removed it will destroy his soul?" _

He tries to calm down, pacing around the room

_ "I'm trying to be an adult here Adele. These kids have been through enough, and if I can shelter them..." _

Adele  now  looks kinder, and bats her eyes several times

_ "I 'm sorry Rudi I... haven't changed that much, as hard as I try to. I'll do my best to get him on his feet but I do think Sam needs to know  it's far from being over ." _

Rudi replies, in a very sad voice

_ "How do I tell him his brother might be sacrificed again?" _

 

Especially with what he knows happened in the earlier meeting.  


 

 

***

 

 

_"So if you all turn into humans, who's left to fight?"_

Asked Sam, a little concerned. Castiel had summoned his group to the bunker to talk about Linda's vision, and they arrived with news of their own and a human Meg.

Gabriel shrugged

_"Hogwarts?"_

Hermann looked at him with a hint of contempt and Hannah intervened

_"Well the faes said they would capture An and retrieve Eden's crystal. We should call them the minute we're all... Cured."_

Saskia had spent the last minutes chewing on a crayon and she said

_" Yeah. But Enlil said we shouldn't trust them. And both Linda and Charlie felt like they were hiding something"_

Gadreel rose from his chair and asked

_" We know. But do we have a better option? We can't be swallowed by that thing and you don't have..."_

He turned to Hermann

_"No offense, you don't have enough power to stop him and Lucifer both."_

Castiel muttered

_"We're cornered"_

He didn't like to depend on them. Even if they had saved his life, he couldn't allow himself to just blindly trust them. There were too many loopholes in their version of events. How could they be at the same time tremendously powerful and unable to capture An? Unable to solve their war with the dark witches? They were beautiful, refined and powerful. And his whole self was pushing him to trust them. That's precisely why he didn't. With time he had learned how his instincts could be wrong.

_"When are you getting your crystals back?"_

Asked Kevin. Hannah answered Anaël had just left to retrieve them, and that she would probably be back with them and Eli at the end of the day. Meg took a black crystal out of her pocket and put it on the table.

_"That's yours Andras by the way."_

Andras looked repulsed

_"What the hell is that?"_

He hissed.

_"That's your soul. I took it in Hell's vaults, along with mine. Well raised kids say thank you Meg"_

Andras got up and left, certainly to look for Logan who was on guard outside. Saskia walked to Meg and took the pyramid, thanking her for her efforts. She would take a minute later to talk to Andy. The minute he had heard about the necessity for them to be cured he looked like he had just been sent to death row. And now he looked positively disgusted by the idea of having a soul back in his body. Who knew what was happening in his head right now. Logan probably.

Meg said

_"Don't work yourself up too much Cla...Castiel. The Winchester bros kicked both angels and demons asses without any kind of special juice."_

She grinned

_"Maybe we'll be humans but pretty bad ass ones if you ask me."_

Pawel and Theo laughed openly and Meg turned to them surprised by their lack of fear or wariness towards her. They didn't know who she has after all and they seemed to find everything terribly exciting.

Sam said

_"I'd like to share your enthusiasm Meg but hum... I feel like it's gonna be way harder than the last time"_

Hermann nodded. He was still very impressed by what he had learnt of Sam and Dean's life, but the kid was right. This wasn't a simple battle, now God and Lucifer wanted to anihilate everything they had created. Angels, demons, humans. Before destroying each other and changing the Earth's face for the millions of years to come. And this would happen in maybe a couple of days.

Adele tried

_"We could try to reach the Great Covens."_

Hermann looked skeptical and both Pawel and Theo rolled their eyes. Pawel replied

_"They're slower to react than the UN and the European Commission together. You're gonna tell them the Earth's in danger and they're just gonna give you a lifetime of paperwork to fill."_

Adele stared at him a little severely

_"It doesn't mean we cannot try Pawel."_

Theo took her friend's hand

_"Auntie, I could go to England."_

Pawel held her hand tight and protested

_"Dora no!"_

She looked at him with a lot of tenderness in her eyes and replied

_"Whether they hate it or not, I'm still heir to the Crofts coven. I haven't seen them since we left and maybe... Maybe I could convince them."_

Pawel looked awfully worried

_"Then I'm coming with you."_

Theo gently caressed his hand

_"No, you're going to Poland, to convince the Backowskis to join us"_

Pawel nodded, convinced. They were right. Even if they had just a few days it was worth the shot. Adele said

_"Then it's settled. I'll go to Scotland to talk to the Mackenzies and Father will go back home to gather other covens support"_

Hermann laughed, not used to be ordered around by his daughter.

_"All right then. Maybe we can try that. If some well known covens join us, maybe the Great Covens will follow. Maybe not, but at least we'll have way more power."_

Everyone was congratulating the witches while the angels awkwardly tried to do the same. They were all obviouslt struck by their powerlessness and suddenly being a regular human didn't seem so simple. How did Sam and Dean managed to fight all those years without any special ability? They had apparently a lot to learn.

Meg asked

_"And what about the Blade?"_

Suddenly the mood became heavy again and Sam replied, a little aggressively

_"What about it?"_

Meg glanced at Castiel and he remained silent. Hannah said

_"That's a very strong weapon Sam."_

Saskia rose from her chair and just said

_"No."_

Sam turned to her, a grateful smile on his lips. She hadn't forgotten her promise. She looked at everyone and Sam noticed a visible unease. He remembered Logan's words about Saskia's ruthlessness when she was angry.

_"No one is using Dean as a weapon again. Not you, not me, no one. Did I make myself clear?"_

Gabriel rose and replied

_"Listen we at least need to consider the eventuality of..."_

Saskia raised her voice

_"I ain't considerin' shit."_

Sam was surprised. It wasn't the way she used to talk at all. Right now she sounded just like Dean. Or Logan. Like a Midwestern hunter.

_"I don't care y'all are old as dust and pretty much gods. That guy's been used and abused and sacrificed for years."_

Her voice trembled a little

 _"And him too"_ , she added, pointing at Sam. _"No one's ever cared 'bout what they want, y'all just played with them like fucking toys."_

She clenched her fists

_"Well hear that out, we ain't your damn toys, you hear me? And if you wanna be human you should understand that much: we don't sacrifice our own."_

Sam looked at her and felt her anger flowing towards him. He knew it wasn't only about Dean and him, but also about her and everything he had seen about her childhood. About how her consent, her needs had never been considered, how she had been used as a weapon, a tool and a toy by so many different people. She understood them, she knew they weren't reckless, that their protection instincts towards each other wasn't selfishness. It was just care. And love.

_"Dean's been through enough. He's suffering as we speak. If this Blade is involved in this fight it's for one thing, having An or Lucifer removing the Mark from his arm."_

She said, in a more controlled voice, and turned to Meg

_"And also from yours, Logan's and Andy's."_

Meg looked at her wrist a little... ashamed? That was the first time in a long time. She glanced at the angels and saw they were too, especially Castiel who said

_"Dean is off limits, it's fine by me."_

Gabriel smirked

 _"I bet it is",_ and added, _"fine. I'll go talk to the Faes. And I'll keep my eyes open. Hannah, Cas, I count on you two to destroy our crystals when the others come back. Nin's coming with me."_

After that,  Pawel and Theo immediately left while Hermann and Adele decided to wait until Rudi would finish Dean's curing session. Gabriel and Gadreel crossed to Avalon, to inform their Faes counterpart about Enlil's death and what they knew about An's strategy. Saskia and Sam sat down, thinking they could finally take an hour off, maybe get some sleep, when Andy stormed inside the room with a pissed off stare dragging a man by the leg.

They would sleep later.

 

 

***

 

 

 

_ " Here they are" _

Says Eli,  carefully giving  Anaël a white box. He  called  her a few minutes  ago to tell  her he had  found all the  crystals and  she  rushed to  their meeting spot.  She came  alone , as  he asked her to and  now ,  she  finally have  them ,  she  finally have  their crystals and  she's  just seconds  away from being free  from  An's domination.  She opens the box and  can't repress her smile when she sees  hers .  She has  already come to  terms  with the  fact she  probably won't ever recover her memories , and  smashing the  crystal  will make  them disappear  forever . But  it's fine.  She gets to live  here , on  Earth ,  she  gets to  create new  memories , a new  identity .  She gets to  be  her  own person and  it's almost  too exciting .

_ "Eli...  Where is  yours ?" _

There  is  hers and all the  other's but  Eli's isn't in the box and  she  watched twice . Eli  whispers

_ "I  left  it  there " _

Anaël  stutters

_ "Wh... what ?  Why ?" _

He  takes  her hand and replies,  with  tears in  his  eyes

_ "I... I  watched  inside  it  you know? I  just had the time to  before ...  Before  they came and I  had to  run away and..." _

Anaël becomes  worried

_ "And  what ?" _

Eli  whispers

_ "I  did  things ,  during  this  war ... to the  humans , to the  Nephilims , to  rebels ... I  remember now . And I  can't ... I  just want to  disappear " _

Anaël shakes her head

_ "No, no,  whatever  you did  I'm sure  it didn't deserve ..." _

He squeezes  her hand

_ " Yes ,  it did .  Believe me  it  did ." _

She  yells

_ "So  you're just gonna let An ...  take you ?  That's it ? You  won't fight with us?" _

Eli  lets go of  her hands

_ " I'm not  that brave.  I'm not a free  thinker like you ." _

Anaël  is going to  protest when she sees a  blue light  starting to  shine  through  Eli's eyes .  She represses her tears and  holds  him,  muttering

_ " Don't you dare !" _

He  gently caresses  her back and  whispers

_ " It's  too  late " _

He  pushes her away

_ "You  need to  leave ,  Ashara " _

She runs before she's hit by the blast, tears falling out of her eyes. Ashara. Deserter. Rebel. Pacifist. Who refused to fight and spent centuries in Heaven's cells before having her memories wiped by Naomi. Because her cell's guard had asked her for that favor, so she could go back to be one of Heaven's little soldiers. It's better to be locked up Ashara, you'll see, you'll see. And she had refused. She had said she preferred to stay there and rot if it meant she would remain herself. He had begged her, saying he had learned to like her despite how different they were. She didn't care and he dragged her screaming self to Naomi's office. Until she left it brainwashed. And him too. With new names, new memories, new everything. 

His name was Ergal.

His name was Eli.

She falls on the ground and cries her heart out.

  



	42. The First Quest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update! And thanks for still being here my darlings :)
> 
> EDIT 4/20: And this is why I shouldn't write during the night, I clicked the wrong button and published a chapter that wasn't ready! I'm soooo sorry, here's a better (in my opinion!), updated version. Thanks for your patience!!

Saskia is sat on her car's hood and hasn't said a word in the last 15 minutes. They're waiting for Castiel and Charlie, who should be right behind them. Surprisingly, they're not there yet though the fog was so thick at some point they certainly had to stop too. Logan doesn't dare saying a word, since Saskia got out of the car almost burning his head off.

_"You worried?"_

She finally says. And he doesn't exactly know what or who she's talking about so he just says

_"Yeah."_

Saskia lights up a cigarette

_"Don't worry, he'll do it."_

She talking about Andy. Well, he'll do it, not so sure about that. First he was really disappointed when Logan told him he couldn't come with him. He knew he had a pretty complicated reputation and that it would be difficult to negotiate anything with someone with such a resume by their side. Plus he needed to be cured, he could have his soul back and Meg could take care of it. But of course it was Andy so it couldn't be simple. He understood it when Saskia gave him the little black pyramid and explained him what it was. And he had barely the time to ask Andy to do it, though he had seen in his eyes how distraught he was. Do it for me, he had said, and that wasn't the most clever thing to say. It was even a little manipulative, but they didn't exactly have time. Lucifer could start building his stone any minute now, and when Andras asked him "and what about you?" he could only say Kay would take care of it, hoping she would, and in time.

_" M'not so sure"_

He answers, taking the cigarette she's offering him.

_"He's terrified about having his soul again. You know when he had that... episode? Right before you came back?"_

Saskia nods

_"Well when I put him to bed he told me he didn't know what was happening to him and then just 'don't let him come back'…"_

Saskia looks at him. He seems genuinely worried.

_"Don't let who come back?"_

Logan sighs

_"Andrea."_

Saskia gets up and closer to Logan

_"Andrea?"_

Logan replies

_"Yeah. He's uh... split. At least he thinks he is. He doesn't want Andrea to come back, he says he's gonna drive him mad."_

Saskia remembers what Sam told her about Andras's mind

_"He is indeed split. Sam couldn't see anything inside his mind it looked like... a bomb had exploded"_

Logan clenches his fists and looks at the ground

_"You did a great job with him you know"_

Says Saskia , awkwardly holding his wrist. Logan stares at her hand a second, not knowing how to react. Having her close makes him nervous, just like before, except it's not exactly the same. There's something so familiar about them smoking on the side of the road, leaning on their car, waiting for their next job... Back then she had her hair shorter, and had bleached it with peroxide. She looked like a grunge rocker. Now she's different, she doesn't ware cut out jeans and worn out plaid shirts anymore . She 's lost her accent, hasn't always a knife in hand and s he also doesn't burn people anymore either. But there's something he'd like to ask .

_"You'll cure me right? Once we know what they want..."_

Saskia frowns and mutters

_" I promised you you'd both survive earlier..."_

He looks at her and she understands why he's asking. Of course it could be strategy, of course she could be using him and absolutely not planning on letting him live. Because she hates him, and said it repea tedly. Andy could be dead this very moment since he's no use as a human. After all, why would they care about two demons, one who killed dozens of people and another she personally resents? Meg is alive because Castiel cares about her, but otherwise?

After all during their first day in the bunker she was ready to kill them both, and he certainly guessed. She could be manipulating him, and could be willingly falling for her lies. After all he's a demon, and they've both been trained to use them if necessary, but mostly to kill them, to show no mercy.

But he's still here, he still followed her ...

She takes his hand

_"I'd love to be able to tell you that you can't possibly believe I'd do that to you, but I can't."_

He squeezes it a little

_" We're hunters."_

He says, staring at their joined hands . He knows the risk he took by following her, by working with the Winchesters. Frankie told him he knew them by reputation, that they were almost legendary in the hunting world. But he also told him that they had a long trail of dead friends behind them and that no one in his right mind would work with them.

_"They're aiming too high, fighting forces way stronger than them."_

He said

_"If Saskia's working with them she's probably gonna end up dead."_

He explained Sam and Dean Winchester were known to fiercely protect each other, Logan had a good idea why, and to be ready to cross all the hunters rules when it came to save one another.

_"You mean they'd let her be killed?"_

Logan asked, incredulous

_"If they had to chose between her and one of them yes, they probably would."_

He's always wondered if Saskia knows that, if she knows that her best buddy Sam wouldn't think twice about sacrificing her if it could save his brother. And even before she came to pick him up, knowing that made him feel strangely protective. If they can let their friends die, how two demons could possibly matter?

Saskia replies

_" We're not hunters anymore"_

And adds

_"And I always keep my promises. I don't lie, Logan, not anymore. I've spent the biggest part of my life lying and being lied to."_

She looks at him right in the eye

_"And I do intend to save your ass a 120th time"_

 

***

 

 

_"You're humans"_

Vivian is politely smiling but Gabriel can feel a certain hostility. For sure, she was certainly not expecting to see them again, at least not in that form.

_"Indeed we are"_

He replies, in a grin. Anaël , well Ashara , brought back their crystals right before they left for Avalon and even if they debated for a minute if they should go as angels, or as humans, the safest and most logical thing to do was to destroy their link to Eden's crystal the soonest possible. Since Eli had been swallowed, it was clear An had begun recalling all the angels, and it would be just a matter of hours, maybe days, until the Gates of Heaven would be permanently closed. Only Castiel took the risk to go and see the Reapers with his Grace still active. He will destroy it the minute the negotiation is over, and Gabriel hopes he will have the time to do it. Castiel is a weirdo, but he means well.

Now he and Gadreel are gathered in the Blue Castle's Council Room with Vivian , Maev and Myrrdin and the faes are obviously tense.

Gadreel says

_"We want to be part of the Earth's Lifestream , for personal reasons. But we are aware of the honor it would have been to live in Avalon."_

Myrrdin nods and replies

_"You will be greatly missed in the rebuilding of Eden."_

Gabriel smiles mischievously

_"Oh well, I don't think we would have remembered who we were, right?"_

Maev rises from her chair. She is crowned with beautiful golden roses and Gabriel has a hard time keeping a straight face. She says

_"We respect your choice, dear friends."_

Vivian doesn't seem to share her point of view and says

_"So, you have information about An?"_

Gabriel does his best to explain what they know about An, how he used Enlil as a decoy and continued his war and how he plans on using Eden's crystal again. Myrrdin says

_"That could be our chance. If he closes the gates of his Heaven and goes on Earth with the crystal, then we can easily capture him . Even with all the Angel's Graces, Eden's Crystal has lost a lot of power after having been used by An for so long. He won't be able to keep us out of Earth. "_

Vivian glances at him and Gabriel thinks the girls were right, they're definitely hiding something, and it obviously disturbs the Ice Queen. He pretends he didn't notice anything and says

_"So do you think you can stop him?", he fakes an anxious expression, "because now we're all just humans, so there are not many things we can do on our own."_

Maev gently pats his shoulder and replies with the most angelic smile

_"Fear not, we will capture An and stop this madness."_

Gadreel asks

_"And what about Lucifer?"_

He's aware he might look a little skeptical so he mimics Gabriel's expression and adds

_"He's extremely powerful as well."_

Myrrdin answers him with a paternalistic tone

_"About that, I have the pleasure to tell you we know how to kill him and destroy that awful weapon which hurt your friend Castiel ."_

Gabriel glances at Gadreel a second and fakes relief

_"Oh really? That's great, how?"_

Vivian coughs and explains, still looking a little somber

_"We found out the Mark couldn't exist without its creator. If Lucifer is killed by the Bearer of the Mark with the Blade, both the weapon and the Mark will disappear."_

Gadreel frowns

_"So Dean has to kill Lucifer."_

Vivian nods

_"Yes. Or you can let us kill Lucifer and give us the Blade. We will find a secure place to hide it and it will never hurt anyone again"_

Gabriel asks

_"But then Dean would..."_

Vivian looks away

_"He would probably die. Or worse. Lucifer's death would create a paradox in the spell that could destroy him body and soul."_

Myrrdin adds

_"You need to understand this would be easier for us to kill Lucifer with one of our weapons and keep the Blade to study it further. But you have helped us a great deal, so if we can help you save your friend, we will. "_

Gabriel takes a minute to think. He's not wrong. They could kill Luci with a weapon like the Spear, weapon they will probably use to kill or capture An. But he still has that gut feeling they're not telling them everything. He says

_"I'll inform Dean."_

And adds, in a smile

_"Thank you."_

Maev takes his hand

_"We will succeed, trust us."_

Gabriel shakes her hand and thinks he absolutely cannot do that. The conversation ends with warm greetings and obvious satisfaction on the Faes' side. Gabriel and Gadreel do their best to smile and seem grateful, but the more Gabriel sees triumph in the Faes' eyes, the more he feels wary of them.

As they're escorted to the portal, he whispers in Gadreel's ears

_"I don't trust them at all they're too much like Daddy dearest "_

Gadreel chuckles

_"I thought you were falling for Maev's little show for a minute!"_

Gabriel grins

_" I'm a trickster, remember ?"_

He adds

_"The witches are right, we need some support. There are not many pagan gods left but I can try to reach them ."_

Gadreel agrees

_"Let me help you then . All this planet's forces need to unite if we want to stand a chance."_

Gabriel pats his shoulder

_" You're reading my mind , dear friend. I don't know what the faes have up their sleeves so I'd rather stock a few of my own cards "._

He winks and says

_"I think I might even have a way to give us some real badass powers"_

  
***

 _"Can we at least talk about it?"_  
   
Kevin is in Magnus's mansion, trying to convince Andras to free his soul, and it's far from being easy. Since he's seen the little black pyramid, he's been very distraught, so much he had to be sent to calm down in the hidden house after snapping at their new host, Aaron the Reaper.   
   
Until Saskia, Logan, Castiel and Charlie come back, Aaron is supposed to stay inside the devil's trap that has been "pimped" - Kevin's words - by Rudi to trap their new guest. Aaron has been insisting he wasn't a threat since he arrived, and that's precisely what made Andras lose his temper, as he explained Kevin.   
   
_"He is one of those who wanted to take you, I do not understand why we are still debating."_  
   
He says, while sitting on a chair, looking at Kevin with angry eyes. Something in the back of Kevin's mind tell him he should have accepted when Meg asked him if he was sure he didn't want her to come with him.    
   
_"It's not what I'm talking about."_  
   
He replies, firmly. He can't escape that discussion. Hell will be closed in a matter of hours now, days tops, and Andras is acting like he wants to be swallowed in that giant stone.   
   
_"If you're not doing it for you, or me, at least do it for Logan."_  
   
Andras laughs at him.   
   
_"For Logan? Because you think he is coming back?"_  
   
Kevin doesn't understand    
   
_"What, you think he's gonna leave?"_  
   
Andras shakes his head in pity   
   
_"No darling, I think he is going to die."_  
   
Kevin protests   
   
_"Why do you think that? Saskia said she would cure him! Why wouldn't she keep her promise?"_  
   
Andras shrugs   
   
_"I do not know. Maybe because Logan used her as a weapon when she was a child. Maybe because he did something to her that no woman would forgive..."_  
   
He smiles at Kevin's shocked face   
   
_"Or maybe because she burnt him alive and sent him to Hell"_  
   
Kevin sits down and whispers   
   
_"My God..."_  
   
Andras tilts his head, looking playful   
   
_"So tell me, now do you really think he is coming back?"_  
   
Kevin doesn't answer. He still needs to process what he's just heard. Nothing in Saskia's attitude and personality shows she's been a victim of abuse. She's friendly and outgoing, seems fearless... Could Andras be lying?    
   
_"Why would he follow her then?"_    
   
He asks.   
   
_"Because he likes his guilt!"_    
   
Says Andras, clapping his hands   
   
_"He rolls in guilt like a boar in mud. He cannot get over what he did to her and he would do anything for her to..."_  
   
He looks disgusted   
   
_"Forgive him."_  
   
Kevin frowns. He tries to remember each times he saw Saskia and Logan together. There was a certain coldness indeed, but no anger. When he was alone in the bunker, she even told him she could trust Logan to protect him. So whatever happened between them, it's more complicated that Logan having a death wish and Saskia wanting revenge.   
   
_"So you're ready to follow him in that crystal then?"_  
   
Andras looks at his hands   
   
_"I just do not want him",_  he points at the pyramid on the coffee table,  _"in my head again."_  
   
Kevin takes the little stone   
   
_"What are you so afraid of?"_  
   
Andras chuckles   
   
_"I am not afraid. But he will be. He will be sick and afraid of everything."_  
   
He looks suddenly lost   
   
_"Sometimes I feel him surfacing and I cannot remember who I am."_  
   
Kevin whispers   
   
_"Like when you... slept? The other day?"_    
   
Andras nods, keeping silent for seconds, maybe minutes.   
   
_"He had to disappear. Back then. Ag... you know? He made him go away. And then I was born."_  
   
Kevin looks at the pyramid, then at Andras and sees he's curled up on his chair like a child   
   
_"If he comes back, I will be gone. If he comes back he will tear me apart along with himself because..."_  
   
Kevin completes   
   
_"He likes his guilt?"_  
   
Andras silently nods.   
   
_"So you'd rather die than facing that? What you did?"_  
   
He stares at him with his black eyes   
   
_"You have no idea of what I did."_  
   
Kevin doesn't even flinch   
   
_"Because you would not tell me. Listen... I understand you don't want to uh, corrupt me, or something..."_    
   
He gets up   
   
_"So I'm gonna call Meg. She's way older than you and I'm sure she did way worse in her own time."_  
   
Andras frowns   
   
_"Yeah, you're not the worst here, I'm sorry if you took some kind of pride in that but..."_  
   
He sees a hint of amusement in the boy's eyes   
   
_"You're gonna talk to Meg, and you're gonna break that thing"_  
   
He says, pointing at the crystal on the table.   
   
_"I think you're wrong about Saskia, I think Logan is coming back and I think I'm gonna save you, even if I need to hear you bitch about that in the coming years."_  
  
Andras has trouble hiding his surprise.   
   
_"We're friends. I don't even fully understand why I feel like that, but we are. So you're gonna get cured, we're gonna win this battle, and then we'll eat a gallon of Ben and Jerry's. Got it?"_  
   
Andras doesn't answer and Kevin leaves the room, finding Meg hiding in the corridor.    
   
The boy takes the pyramid and tries to look inside it, tries to see if Andrea is knocking on the glass, ready to pop out and drive him mad. 

 

***

 

The Reaper's name is Aaron, certainly an alias but who cares, and now Dean is finally stable, Rudi has time to talk to him. He is sat on a chair, inside the devil's trap Rudi adapted to contain him. He looks calm, kind even, with sad and wide almond eyes. With his long and dark silky hair, he could look like a samurai or a kung fu master, and the minute he thinks that, Rudi almost hears Saskia say "your germanity is showing Rudger". He chuckles. Americans are not better. But still. Gosh he's so worried about her.

Sam is in no condition to interrogate someone, and Rudi can't really talk to him at the moment. Because now he knows who is the guy Saskia left with, and he's angry enough to turn the place to rubble. So technically, he shouldn't be interrogating anyone either, but since he can't sleep, he might as well use his time correctly.

A few minutes ago, in the corridor, Adele's severe eyes reminded him to lower his voice. He was so worried about  Saskia  he had almost forgotten about their earlier discussion, and how Sam was up for more pain and loss. So he apologized, saying he needed some sleep, and briefly hugged Sam before walking Adele to the library when she started drawing a portal.

_ "Be careful while we're away  Rudger __",_ she said, while tracing symbols on the floor.

" _Don't be hard on the young Winchester, if_ _ Saskia  is like  Roslein , you know there is no way he could have convinced her to leave that young man behind." _ __

She added, and Rudi laughed

_ "I know Adele, I know. It's just... I don't want her to get hurt." _

Adele briefly smiled

_ "No parent does Rudi, no parent does though it's a part of growing older. And this boy... If he really wants redemption  then  being with her must be..." _

Rudi hissed   


_ "I don't care." _

Adele got up and patted his shoulder

_ "You're a good and intelligent man. Of course you do." _

Rudi frowned. Yeah maybe. Maybe the guy's life story was  awful . But then, Hitler had a crappy childhood too. He sighed. Now that was a cliché thing to be thinking. He hugged Adele.

_ "Thanks for what you did  Adelein " _

She lightly patted his shoulder

_"Maybe you could use your time off to ask some questions to your new guest..._ "

He smiled

_ "What do you have in mind?" _

She wiped away imaginary dust on his jacket

" _Well, asking him why Death is involved, what he knows about the situation... That kind of things..."_

He nodded.

_ "You're right, I can sleep later." _

She frowned

_ "Don't exhaust yourself dear just... Information is power" _

So now he's sat in front of Aaron and can't start the conversation because he's too worried.

How could she be so reckless? She should have killed Atkins the moment she saw him, and even if Sam said the man had changed, that he had scanned his mind and saw that all he wanted was redemption, Rudi doesn't believe a word of it. Let's be clear he doesn't question what Sam saw, but Atkins is a hunter, and an old one. Someone who spent 150 years or so in Hell and who could have developed techniques to hide or change his thoughts. And even if he had an epiphany, it still doesn't mean he should be around Saskia. She said many times that she suffered from what she called her “own private Stockholm Syndrome”, shortened in “Stockholm”, and who knows what he could influence her to do, who knows in what situation he could put her into.

And now she's stuck in a car with him, going to meet no less than Death himself, and if Rudi can't barge in the middle of a negotiation, he can at least question the Reaper Atkins captured. And what he wants to know is why exactly Death involved them in a battle against An.

Aaron looks like a nice and cooperative person, and that's good because Rudi is clearly not in the mood. 

 _"I'm sorry about all this"_ , he says while showing the trap, " _you just didn't show up in a very friendly way so, until I know we're allies..."_

Aaron nods

_"I understand. We just did not know who you were working with, or if Sam Winchester was still alive."_

Rudi replies

_"Well you're cautious, so are we"_

He realizes he's a little harsh and takes some time to calm down.

 _“You can see me”_ , Aaron says, politely, “ _So you have died and met one of us once.”_

Rudi raises an eyebrow

_“I had a bad mescaline trip in the 70's and I thought I was hallucinating but now you say it...”_

He tries to look carefree but that was actually one of the most frightening experience he's ever had. Aaron smiles as if he knew

_“So, you want to know why we're involved in that war, don't you?”_

Rudi nods

_“Well that's simple, we want Heaven and Hell to be destroyed. To be free.”_

Rudi frowns

_“God and Lucifer apparently plan on destroying Heaven and Hell so what's your interest here? You think they could try to bind Death like An did before?”_

Aaron replies

_“Well, that is a possibility. And we also want to protect the human souls from being used again.”_

The warlock asks

_“Do you think he's gonna use them? Keep them in his crystal?”_

If this is true that's pretty frightening. Aaron gets up and starts walking around the trap

_"He has no interest in keeping them if he destroys Heaven, even if they all bear some of the crystal's energy. Heaven was partially powered by the human souls, but if he takes it down he has no need for them. They were just... Batteries"_

Rudi is shocked, he never thought highly of An but he at least thought he had some interest for the human race, when it was not following his arch Nemesis.

_"Like in the Matrix ?"_

Aaron looks sad for a minute.

_« Exactly. Heaven creates an ideal space for the humans, made with their favorite memories. They don't realize they're trapped and their souls keep Heaven running. »_

Human batteries. They've always known souls were power but every time he's reminded it it makes him cringe. 

_"There must be billions of souls there now, right?"_

The Reaper looks embarrassed.

" _Not exactly... Human souls trapped in Heaven don't really pass away. They don't really...die. You can be killed in Heaven and huh... Flushed outside"_

Rudi doesn't know if he needs to laugh or cry when hearing the word « flush ».

 _"In the Lifestream?"_  
  
_"Yes. Since they're kept in past life experiences the souls don't create anything, they just live in a loop. The energy they bear comes from the new memories they bring. But as for any energy, the laws of entropy make it decrease in power with time. And at some point it becomes too... Expensive to keep their personal heaven running"_

 _"And then they're, how did you say, flushed?"_  
  
_"They are. Plus Heaven doesn't have the power to create or reincarnate souls, so at some point, they need to get the souls back into the Lifestream so they can be reborn."_

Rudi walks closer to the trap and begins to feel quite angry.  
  
_"And you were bringing them there?"_  
  
Aaron looks at him with his sad eyes

_"We had no choice. When he invoked Death for the first time, An actually tried to invoke Earth's... spirit."_

Rudi can only mutter _"What?..."_

Aaron explains

_"He failed and lost a great part of his crystal's energy. But he managed to bind a part of it to him. What he thought was the most powerful part. What he then called the Riders of Apocalypse, and us."_

Rudi whispers

" _The obviously strong ones, the one who had the power to destroy."_

Aaron completes

_"Not to create, yes. But it's not as simple as that. We used to be a whole. Life and Death, Reapers and Sowers... When An took us, he disrupted the balance in the most terrible way. Separated us from our home, where we can never go back."_

Aaron's eyes drift away for a moment. He then explains An's invocation took away their free will and made them tools, unable to speak their mind or to get away from his influence, until Death was freed from Hell thanks to the Winchesters, who never cease to amaze. Rudi sighs

" _What I don't get is why his people didn't do anything more... drastic. I mean their whole strategy seem completely out of the point."_

Aaron looks interested

_"You mean the Faes? Faes are opportunists. They do not care about us. Or you. Or Earth."_

Aaron explains that through their cult, the Faes used to take children to Avalon and try to harvest the souls of the deceased. Rudi shouts

_"What?"_

Aaron's eyes suddenly turn angry

_"Faes cannot be trusted."_

He explains that millions of years ago, Avalon's Crystals were weakening and were slowly becoming unable to create new souls, new Faes. Oberon and his council then had to find energy elsewhere to fuel Avalon's Lifestream, and during the meeting, An proposed to use the Earth's energy. A certain blue fairy queen was violently opposed to this idea, and the rest of the great council agreed with her. The idea was officially rejected. Rudi asks

_"You're talking about Vivian?"_

Aaron nods

_"Yes Vivian. Crossing to Earth meant sacrificing Eden, and she thought it was despicable. But An was ready to make that sacrifice to save Avalon, and Oberon decided to secretly grant him and his sister control over the crystal and its people"_

_"It's absolutely not what she told us..."_

Aaron shakes his head

_"No matter how she disagreed, she's a member of Oberon's small council and a very loyal one. Anyway when An crossed to Earth, suddenly Avalon's Lifestream became stronger. The access to Earth was never closed, and as long as energy was flowing, they didn't care about what An was doing. It's only when it started weakening and then stopping that they crossed and saw the disaster he had created."_

Rudi frowns

_"And that's when she began hunting him with Myrrdin..."_

Aaron replies

_"Yes. Our guess is An betrayed his deal or was unable to keep it after he spent so much crystal energy on his wars with Tiamat and then Lucifer. Plus with time, he lost even more energy when some humans learned how to keep us away, to avoid Heaven and reunite with the Earth's Lifestream."_

According to Aaron, Vivian began to hunt An when it was clear he had no intention to provide Avalon with energy anymore. The lack of power lead to the birth of Dark Witches and to the wars that ravaged Avalon and obliged the Faes, and especially Vivian, to retaliate for a few years.. Rudi asks

_"But how do you know all this?"_

Aaron keeps silent for a minute and says

_"We have an informant on the Faes side. A former member of the council. A whistle-blower of sorts.Someone I will tell you about when our alliance is sealed. But I trust her word to be the truth."_

Rudi raises an eyebrow

_"Her word?"_

Aaron smiles

_"Yes. Oberon does want Eden's crystal back and An imprisoned for treason. But he might also want to take our energy again. Just like An. Just like Lucifer. Just like all those so called rulers."_

Rudi sighs and asks

_"But why?"_

Aaron shrugs

" _Power. That's their quest. The oldest reason to go to war since the first war begun."_

 


	43. Body and Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaron's face is in chapter 13 :)
> 
> Thanks to all my dear readers for having followed the Holy Grail until now. That story means a lot to me and it is coming to an end. The next chapters will be about the final battle, which will be, as you can imagine, not an easy one.
> 
> I hope you have enjoyed it, and if you want to talk about it, please leave a comment (I love comments!)
> 
> Much, much love,
> 
> Akii

_"I hope you were not too hard on Sam"_  
   
Says Saskia while drinking some coffee. The first thing Rudi did when she came back, after popping out of a portal in the bunker's garage, was hugging her, ruffling her hair and asking her how she could be so stupid.  Now that everyone is in bed, taking some much needed rest, the bunker is quiet enough for them to have a conversation. And neither of them can sleep.  
   
_"I wasn't",_ he pauses, _"I hope. Words like if something happens to Saskia I might turn this place to rubble may have been pronounced..."_  
   
Saskia laughs    
  
_"I'm fine dad!"_  
   
He smiles. She doesn't call him dad very often. They've met again only two years ago and if he knows Saskia would do anything for him and loves him as much as he loves her, she still has trouble expressing her emotions. And now his aren't tamed anymore, every time he looks at her he feels immensely proud and happy, as if she were a baby making her first steps.    
   
He hugs her again and she hugs him back, hiding her face in his shirt, just like when she was a kid, and repeats she's fine.    
   
_"Where is he?"_    
   
Logan of course, who else. The moment he's asked, he feels Saskia's body getting tense and sees in her eyes she's worried. About Atkins. But he doesn't say anything.    
   
_"He remained with the Reapers. He's our insurance."_  
   
Rudi frowns    
  
_"They need a hostage to secure the alliance?"_  
   
Saskia doesn't look pleased by that perspective but nods.    
   
_"Yep. We keep their guy and they keep ours until we meet on the battlefield. Castiel wanted to do it, they refused."_  
   
Rudi laughs    
   
_"Why's that?"_    
   
Saskia smiles    
   
" _Because Death said angels wouldn't hesitate sacrificing one of their own and that on the contrary I wouldn't..."_  
  
She pauses, a little embarrassed. Rudi sighs    
   
_"Kiddo... I understood it was complicated..."_  
   
Saskia sits and whispers    
   
_"It is..."_    
   
She feels like a fool. Like the biggest idiot on the planet. This wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to save his life and make peace with her past. On the contrary she's in pieces.    
   
The negociation with Death was difficult. Being in his mere presence was already a challenge. Charlie was trembling like a leaf and Saskia wasn't exactly better. Sam had told them they would all be able to see Death and the Reapers because they had died once, and even if Charlie joked and said they should form a club and have matching jackets, no one was exactly at ease.    
   
Death and the Reapers were staying in a remote victorian house, 8 hours away from the bunker. The mansion was lost in the middle of a gloomy park and Saskia wondered if Death had a sense of humor. It could have been a set for a vintage horror movie.    
   
Death was sit in a neo gothic armchair, surrounded by a dozen of silent Reapers, looking at them with suspicion. The fact they came on the behalf of Sam Winchester seemed to easily grant them access and Saskia thought she would ask Sam to precise what kind of "special history" they shared.     
   
 If the idea of having a representative for almost every earthling creature seemed like a good one, in the beginning Death wasn't exactly thrilled to work them. Them being former angels, "I resent your kind", former demons, "If I may, you were chosen for a reason", witches, "Such a waste of power and intelligence", and humans, "created by the Angels, weak and gullible creatures".    
   
They were all somewhat frozen when Logan broke the ice and said with a totally sarcastic smile    
   
_"So why don't you let God and Lucifer destroy us then?"_    
   
He hadn't anticipated Death would answer that was an excellent question. Yes he could let them get the Earth rid of the little polluting and noisy bugs creeping on its surface. In 10000 years or so the planet would be good as new, the animals thriving and nature being beautiful and rich again. So yes excellent question. Suddenly, Logan didn't look so cocky anymore.    
   
Finally it was Charlie who found the right words to soften him a little. She talked about art and creativity, how humans were redeemable in her opinion, how they could be given a chance to finally use their free will.     
   
_"We could fail, I'm not gonna lie but... Give us a chance to prove you we're better than what you think"_  
   
Death seemed a little less aggressive. And he actually needed allies, as Castiel pointed it out. It meant he could be bound and invoked again. The crystal had an immense power but no one could guarantee Lucifer and An wouldn't prefer saving it and using his instead. He couldn't fight two gods on his own and couldn't trust the faes either.    
  
_"You don't know what they're planning and neither do we."_  
   
But Death stared at him with amusement and said    
   
_"I have a pretty good idea. And no, I don't trust them.  I don't trust you either and since you secured all your assets I'd say you don't trust me as well."_    
   
Assets. He certainly meant Kevin and Sam. They needed to give the Reapers something in return if they wanted their help. Saskia said    
   
_"You sent Reapers to take our Prophet, and I apologize for what happened to them, I do, truly. If we had known who they were and what were their orders they wouldn't have been hurt."_    
   
Death raised an eyebrow    
   
_"So where is Aaron?"_  
   
Logan stepped forward    
   
_"Your envoy? I fought with him and I promise you he's fine, and safe. He gave us the directions to find you out of his own free will."_  
   
Saskia nodded    
   
_"I give you my word. He's fine, I cured his injuries. And if you need to know what we found out about God we will tell you everything you need to. But only if you promise you'll fight with us."_  
   
Death took a minute to think, and behind him, the Reapers didn't say a word.    
   
_"I have conditions"_ , he said, still staring at Saskia with his unsettling eyes.    
   
_"First I want to be restored in my original position as a deity and that my independence will never be questioned again"_  
   
Saskia saw Castiel frown at the word deity but she chose not to pay attention.    
   
_"You're a servant of the Lifestream. Of course it's granted."_  
   
She said, and at the word Lifestream, she sees Death looking at her with a more respectful gaze. He added    
   
_"And as you're keeping one of my people, I will keep one of yours until the battle."_  
   
Logan was then chosen to stay and instructed to tell Death everything he wanted to know. Saskia said    
   
_"I have a request of my own"_    
   
Death nodded    
   
_"Can you cure him before we leave?"_  
  
She asked, pointing at Logan who looked suddenly relieved. Something inside Saskia was mad at him for still believing she would sacrifice him, and for not even trying to save his life.. But she couldn't exactly blame him. Death rose from his chair and came close to her, asking    
  
_"He's a Knight of Hell, are you sure you do not want him out of your team?"_    
   
Saskia looked at him right in the eyes and didn't even try to hide her tears. She muttered    
   
_"On the contrary"_  
   
Death slowly nodded and walked to Logan. And before he could say anything, a bright light appeared in Death's hand and he pushed it in his heart. Logan collapsed on the floor and almost lost consciousness. When he came back to his senses, Saskia was holding him and asking if he was ok.     
  
_"Yeah uh... I think I am..."_  
   
He muttered, while he was slowly becoming aware of all the sensations in his body. The blood in his veins, the pressure of his clothes, the cold, hunger and... Saskia's hand on his shoulder.    
   
He looked at her and everything hit him like a punch. Her eyes, those too long bangs, the dimples in her cheeks, the sound of her voice and the weight of her hand. Everything was so overwhelming it made him speechless. Only aware of one thing, he was in the deepest shit possible. He got back on his feet and Saskia coughed, trying to keep calm and composed    
   
_"So, do we have a deal?"_  
   
She said, her voice trembling a little. Death turned to the Reapers and they all silently nodded.     
   
_"We do."_    
   
He replied and Saskia, Castiel and Charlie came back to their cars. Except Saskia turned back, not precisely knowing why and saw Logan at the house's door, waiting for her.     
   
She didn't even know what to say and just let him hug her, and heard him whisper in her ear    
   
_"Be safe."_  
   
It brought tears to her eyes and she just gripped his jacket, holding him closer, and bit her lip to stop the stream of stupidities ready to pour out of her mouth.    
   
_"Be safe, Kay."_    
   
He repeated, not letting her go and she finally managed to open her mouth to say    
   
_"You too."_  
   
He looked at her in the eye and they both knew that these two words contained a thousand of unspoken others. Others that they would never get to say. Others they should never say.    
   
He caressed her cheek and whispered    
   
_"... S'proud of ya"_  
   
With his old midwestern accent and that was it, that was too much. She had never been known for her wisdom and good life choices. Someone wise would have nodded and walked away, someone like her kissed  him and mumbled    
   
_"Don't get killed"_  
   
He looked at her with barely conceiled surprise and just said he wouldn't. She frowned to hold back her tears and walked back to her car, fighting the urge to run like a teenage cliché.    
  
_"So yeah... Complicated..."_  
   
She says, while stirring her coffee.

***

 _"Why do I care, it will probably not work"_  
   
Meg laughs    
   
_"Yeah that's what I thought too."_  
   
Andras asks    
   
_"Really?"_  
   
She laughs again    
   
_"Well obviously, I'm no girl scout you see!"_    
   
Andras slowly nods    
   
_"And you want to live? As a human I mean?"_  
   
Meg takes some time to think    
  
_"You know... As a human I will live what, 60 more years? It's nothing. I've been around for more than... You don't wanna know."_    
   
Andras looks skeptical    
   
_"And?"_  
   
She answers    
   
_"And yeah, I wanna live. There are many things I want to do, to experience. I want to take advantage of those few years I have left..."_  
   
She's smiling, caught up in all her silly projects she would never admit out loud and doesn't notice until after a few minutes that Andras's eyes are lost and sad.    
   
She stops talking  for a minute and then says, softly    
  
_"I was afraid too. I thought my soul would tear me apart..."_  
   
Andras mutters    
   
_"Really?"_  
   
Meg has a sad laugh    
   
_"Andras, everything you did, I did. And worse. I was Azazel's daughter..."_  
   
Andras keeps on staring at the pyramid    
   
_"I know, we crossed paths before. And you had quite the reputation."_  
  
Meg laughs again and he adds    
   
_"So how does it feel? How does she feel?"_  
   
Meg takes a moment to think    
   
_"There is no 'she'. I just feel... Whole. I can fully feel again. Not only pain and guilt but also joy and..."_  
   
She coughs    
  
_"I feel human. I had forgotten what it meant. But I haven't changed. Having my soul back doesn't make me amnesic and doesn't erase everything I've learned. It won't change you."_  
   
She pauses and then asks    
   
_"Right now, what do you want?"_  
   
He briefly raises his eyes from the pyramid    
   
_"It is not a question I am used to answer."_  
   
He was never really given a choice. Though he did choose Logan over Agares. Truth is, he knows that if he becomes human, he won't be able to take care of himself. He won't be strong anymore, he will be sick again, and that, he don't think he'll be able to handle.     
   
He stares at his reflection in the crystal and remembers his father's screams when he saw him again after thirty years. How he didn't recognize him at first, and then ran away upstairs while Andras was laughing and singing at his fear and supplications. Spare my children Andrea, spare your brothers and sisters he had said. And Andras had said it wasn't his name.    
   
_"Questo non è il mio nome"_  
   
He was strong now, he could tear someone apart with one hand, and he killed them all, starting with the children, while Agares was sat in an armchair, clapping his hands in ecstasy, so proud of his new companion. Nothing really good came with this strength. It didn't make him strong enough to fight Agares, it didn't make him strong enough to stop being used.    
   
_"What did you say?"_  
   
He doesn't even hear what Meg has just said, completely lost in his thoughts. There is something he never asked Logan, something he never dared to. Why does he keep him around? He doesn't want him and made it quite clear. He doesn't want him to get hurt or to hurt himself either. He cares. He just cares and that is the scariest thing in the world. Usually he prefers to think Logan needs him for some reason, for his own personal interest like, his quest for being a better person. That he doesn't care about him, that he could have found what he needed in a sick puppy or any other abandoned pet. Logan wouldn't understand there is some kind of safety in being a tool. You expect to be let down and someday replaced.    
   
But when you're a person...    
There is something he never told Logan, something that will show if he's cured, something he's really scared to face. Scared enough to almost prefer being sucked into a giant stone.    
  
_"Are you not afraid to die?"_  
   
He asks Meg, still looking at the stone. She answers  
  
_"Of course I am. I've always been. Though now the difference is I can actually die."_  
   
Andras smiles a little and he says  
   
_"It is normal to be afraid of Death when you are mortal."_  
   
He looks at her and adds  
   
_"I will do it."_  
   
Meg is startled    
   
_"You changed your mind?"_  
   
Andras nods while thinking not exactly. It's becoming clear to him that he will never really get to choose his destination. But at least he can choose with whom he's going.

***

_"So faes are assholes too then?"_

Says Saskia, while pouring herself another cup of coffee. She has just listenened to what Rudi had learned from Aaron, and she's starting to feel pretty tired. It's like you can't trust anyone. They have planned a big meeting tomorrow morning, to inform everyone about what they know, and to plan the battle. For now Heaven and Hell are apparently still running. The MoL monitor is still beeping, showing that demons are still alive. They also need to call the Witches to know how the negociations with the Covens are going.

And she needs to tell Sam that Dean has to kill Lucifer. Great. For now they're both asleep, and apparently, Dean is getting better, though he's not awake yet. Rudi even discreetly cast a silence spell on their room so they could rest, and Saskia has a hard time deciding when she's gonna have to get inside and pierce their peaceful bubble. All the more since no one knows if it's gonna work or not, since the faes can't be trusted.

The angels have left just after they came back from Avalon, with Anaël and a now human Castiel. Quite sadly, no one remembered him from before. And he just said that he had anticipated it, that he had always been a soldier, an expandable, probably just a number. But that it was fine, that he had built himself a real personality and that, no one could take it away. But still. He made her think about a sad little Pinocchio.

Suddenly, Meg barges inside the kitchen with blood all over her t-shirt

_"Saskia, you need to come with me. It's Andras..."_

Saskia drops her cup in the sink and runs outside, quickly followed by Rudi. The moment she arrives in Magnus's hidden house, she notices the drops of blood on the floor and follows them to the living room, and then upstairs, feeling her hands getting hot. This looks really bad. She's ready to fight anything when she opens a room's door. What she sees is far from what she was expecting.

Andy is curled up on his bed, coughing his lungs out. He's coughing blood. And a lot. Meg has probably carried him to his bed and that's why she ended up like this. She runs towards him and helps him sit up, while Rudi picks up some cushions on the ground and piles them behind his back. Saskia puts her hand on his forehead

 _"He's burning up, my god...",_ she puts her hand on his chest, " _Rudi I can't cure him!"_

She doesn't understand what's happening. It has never happened before. Maybe Meg has done something. She gets up and slams the former demon on a wall

_"What have you done to him?"_

Saskia hisses, feeling her eyes changing colors

 _"Nothing!"_ replies Meg, _"nothing happened to me when I got my soul back Saskia, I... I don't know what's happening to him"_

Rudi says

 _"Whatever it is, it's bad. I'm getting my things, I'll try to do something to help him."_  
  
Saskia nods at her father and tries to calm down. She apologizes, before saying  
  
_"Maybe he possessed a sick vessel. Could it be that?"_  
  
Meg crosses her arms  
  
_"I don't see how. Our bodies were uh... how can I say, materialized? By the Knight Mark. This isn't even a vessel, it just looks like the last person I possessed,_ she adds, while pointing at herself, _"in terms of biology, those bodies are brand new."_

Saskia goes back to Andy who has calmed down a bit, but who clearly looks exhausted. Saskia gently caresses his hair and asks

_"Andy? Andy talk to me, tell me what's wrong."_

Andy slowly opens his eyes, and Saskia is struck by how different they look. There is something so lost and innocent about them. He just whispers

_"I am... dying."_

And he closes his eyes again. Saskia turns to Meg

_"Get Aaron, now."_

Meg exits the room and almost knocks Rudi off while running

_"He says he's dying dad..."_

Saskia says, having trouble controlling her trembling voice. Rudi kneels beside the bed and opens a box containing dozens of little bottles. He takes an empty one and starts making a potion

_"No one is dying, sweetheart, no one is dying."_

He knows that it's wrong to make empty promises but at least he can try to help the kid. He makes him drink the content of the bottle, and Andy falls asleep, his breathing now calmer.

_"He's okay?"_

Asks Saskia, while covering the boy with a blanket. Rudi sighs

_"No, he's just asleep. There's opium in that potion."_

He sits on the bed and starts examining Andy. Something has triggered the disease, something that is preventing Saskia from curing it. He takes the kid's shirt off and then he sees something.

_"Oh my God..."_

Andy's chest is covered in red scribbles. He doesn't understand what's written, it's in italian, but he does recognize the names. Agares, Giacomo Franchi, Andrea Franchi. It's written in blood, tattooed in blood. Obviously a contract. Saskia looks at it and whispers

_"What the Hell is that?"_

She hears steps behind her and when she turns around, Aaron and Meg are in the room. Aaron walks towards the bed and starts reading, before closing his eyes, looking immensely sad. Saskia asks

_"What does it say?"_

Aaron replies

_"It is a contract, between the demon Agares and a man named Giacomo Franchi. In exchange of becoming rich and surviving the Great Plague, Giacomo Franchi sells his son, Andrea Franchi, body and soul, to the demon."_

Rudi glances at Andy and feels anger filling him. He repeats

_"Body and soul?"_

Aaron nods

_"I am sorry."_

Saskia gets up and tries hard not to yell. She says, between her clenched teeth

 _"You're saying that his asshole father also sold his child's body to that fucking psychopath?_ "

Aaron answers

_"For the demon's private enjoyment, that is what is written. I am deeply sorry."_

Saskia heavily sits in a chair

 _"God I wish I could burn him again",_ she pauses, _"Why can't I cure Andy?"_

Aaron puts his hand on Andy's forehead and says

_"Andrea Franchi should have died centuries ago. This body was... frozen in time and space. And now he's not a demon anymore, it's unfrozen."_

Saskia looks skeptical and Aaron precises

 _"This body, this disease, is from the fifteenth century. You are not on the same space-time continuum. You cannot...",_ he caresses the boy's hair, _"you cannot heal the past Saskia."_

Meg whispers

_"He knew..."_

Rudi asks

_"How?"_

Meg answers

_"He asked me if I was afraid to die. He didn't want to be a human again. He told Kevin he would be 'sick and afraid' again. I didn't... We didn't..."_

Saskia gets up and pats Meg's shoulder.

_"It's not your fault Meg, you couldn't know."_

She turns to Aaron

_"Can you get Logan back?"_

Aaron frowns

_"Our envoy. He's at your base. I'm begging you. Andy is like a brother to him."_

The Reaper nods

_"I will do my best to bring him here."_

Saskia takes his hand

_"Thank you. Really."_

 

***

 

Logan has stormed in the bunker like a ball of anger, with clenched fists and angry eyes. He hasn't said a word and has only asked to see Andy, not paying attention to anyone. Saskia has woken Sam up, Kevin, Linda and Charlie are up too. Kevin is especially distraught, feeling extremely guilty for convincing Andy to get cured. Andy woke up a few minutes ago, still a little numb with Rudi's potion. When he enters Andy's room, Logan barely recognizes him. His features haven't changed, but his gaze is entirely different. He looks lost for a moment, staring at everyone in the room as if he didn't recognized anyone. And then his eyes are stuck on Logan, and a smile appears on his lips. Not his usual one-sided smirk. A real smile, and Logan can only smile back.  
  
Until Andy starts coughing and Logan runs to help him to stay sat.

 _"Hey kid"_  
   
Logan sees in the boy's eyes that until this very moment he wasn't sure he wasn't dead or trapped in the stone. Logan caresses his forehead    
   
_"The others told me you were very sick?"_

Saskia comes inside the room and touches Andry's forehead.  
  
_"He's burning up again..."_  
  
Andras weakly shoves her hand away, and she sees his fingers are covered in blood. So are his lips.  
  
" _Don't..."_  
  
He says, trying to smile, before lying back down.  
  
_"Don't heal me..."_

Saskia frowns to hold back the tears and she says

_"I can't Andy, I can't heal you, I tried and..."_

Andy smiles and whispers

_"That's good..."_

He turns to Logan  
  
_"My body was... part of the deal...Agares wanted it to"_  
  
He coughs again, and now Logan is holding him, his eyes shining with sadness and anger  
  
_"He had it... occupied... the time for me to turn... and then I got it back"_  
  
The psycho wanted his body for his own amusement. He liked his appearance. He used to say "I wouldn't have you any other way". How many times did he thought about getting another body? A strong one, an ugly one, one Agares wouldn't be attracted to? He knew he would have been killed then. And after some years, he didn't even care anymore, he had learned to like being a pet.  
He kindly looks at Logan  
  
_"I'm sorry brother..."_  
  
And Logan holds him closer.  
  
_"I know I should have told you this"_ , he points at himself, _"wasn't a meatsuite but..."_  
  
Logan fights hard to remain composed.  
  
_"It didn't seem relevant until..."_  
   
He tries to keep from tearing up, he's not the one drowning in his own blood and he needs to stay strong. Andy shakes his head and then starts to violently cough. Logan holds him and feels blood staining his shirt.    
   
_"There, there...."_  
   
He says, wiping his mouth with a tissue. Andy weakly holds his wrist    
   
_"Thank you for coming back"_  
   
Logan smiles    
  
_"You know I wouldn't leave you alone right?"_    
   
Andy makes a weak smile    
   
_"Thank you for everything"_  
   
Logan looks at him an feels like running away. There are sobs in his throat threatening to crush him and enough anger to blow his brain up. This is unfair, this is so unfair.    
   
_"Don't be sad..."_    
   
He says, holding his hand with his cold and thin fingers. He's so fragile now. How could anyone hurt someone so defenseless, how....    
   
_"Don't be mad..."_  
   
Logan looks at him in the eyes, and his heart aches at how innocent and sad they are. Soft lavender, just like a child's. Tears fill up his eyes and he mutters    
  
_"S'not what I wanted for you"_  
   
Andy tries to sit and Logan helps him, feeling him tremble at that simple effort.    
   
_"This should have happened centuries ago."_  
   
He looks exhausted and feverish but somehow at peace. He takes Logan's hand and says    
   
_"I wish I met you earlier, brother"_  
   
Logan feels a first tear rolling down his face. He angrily wipes it    
   
_"Don't..."_  
   
He says clenching the sheets. This is too early, too unfair, too fucking heart wrenching and...    
   
_"You saved me."_  
   
Logan whispers, incredulous    
  
_"What?"_  
  
Andy smiles    
   
_"You saved me. If it was not  for you I would never had had my soul back."_    
   
He caresses his cheek    
   
_"I feel whole again for the first time in a very long time... Thanks to you."_    
   
Logan tries to hold back the tears and just nods    
   
_"My worst fear was... dying alone... dying a burden..."_    
   
Logan begins to protest and Andras grabs his hand  
  
_"Will you... stay with me? Until it's over?"_  
   
Logan mutters

 _"Everybody out..."_  
  
And as everybody's leaving he precises  
  
_"Kay you can stay"_  
  
He whispers  
  
_"If you want"_  
  
Saskia comes back and sits on the bed. Logan closes his eyes for a moment and says

_"I can't see you die, I can't..."_

Andras smiles  
  
_"I love you too."_  
  
Logan collapses on a chair  
  
_"I love you too brother but if you do, please, just... hold my hand and stay here until I fall asleep. Don't let me become Andras again. Or being trapped in that stone."_

Aaron told him that now Hell is disappearing there are a lot of chances for him to be sucked into the Stone the moment he's a demon again. Or he could be sired to Lucifer, lose himself again and become worse than before. There's only one possible outcome.

 _"I do not... want to come back as a monster Logan... You have to... "_ he coughs again, _"you have to promise me."_  
   
Logan tries hard to keep pleas from escaping his mouth. Give it a try, we will cure you later, maybe nothing will happen, please don't do this.  
   
_"We'll ask Dean kid, ok? We will."_  
   
Andy nods and falls back on his pillow. He wants to die. He wants to die and he wants Dean to make sure he stays dead. Logan wipes his eyes and says  
  
_"You sure that's what you want?"_  
  
Andras nods  
  
_"Yes... please?"_  
  
Saskia whispers  
  
_"I can give you some more of Rudi's potion for the pain Andy."_  
  
He smiles  
  
_"No, thank you. I'll be fine."_  
  
Logan gets up and says  
  
_"I uh... I'll go get you some other clothes."_  
  
Saskia follows him outside, while Kevin, Sam and Rudi come back inside and the moment the door is closed he heavily sits on the ground and starts crying. He's a human again now, and the emotions are choking him. He doesn't care about the others watching, he just can't hold it anymore, that feeling of fear and loss.  
  
Saskia sits close to him, and the others quickly leave the hallway, leaving her alone with Logan.  
  
_"I'm so sorry..."_  
  
She says, and after a minute of hesitation, she finally puts her hand on his shoulder, and he unexpectedly leans into her touch.  
  
_"I can't watch him die Kay..."_  
  
She gently pets his back. She doesn't know a lot about it but Andy has clearly a bad case of tuberculosis and doesn't have a lot of time left. He was right when he said him being still alive was a miracle. Logan takes her hand  
  
_"Thank you for asking Aaron to bring me back."_  
  
She was going to say _"you're welcome"_ when she feels his hand on her neck and his lips on hers. Before she can fully process what has just happened, she feels her hands grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer, her mouth deepening the kiss and her heart race in her chest. That's it, that's what she's been trying to avoid since she saw him again on the battelfield. Getting too close to him, having him in her space again.  
But his voice, repeating her name over and over between kisses, his hands, warm, and soft and strong, holding her close make her forget all about Stockholm, the pain, and the anger. It feels good and bittersweet and completely crazy. But she tastes the salt of his tears on the tip of her tongue and she feels him the way she's always wanted to, even when the hate was so strong it was almost smothering.  
  
_"I missed you"_  
  
She says. And there are tears in her voice, tears of truth, shame, and loss. Because all these years there was never a day when she didn't think of the man she burnt, of the man who hurt her so terribly and she couldn't stop...  
  
Logan stops and he gently tucks Saskia's hair behind her ear. He can't move, he can just stare at her, stare at her lost eyes, and he says  
  
_"I... I'm sorry"_  
  
He needs some air, he needs some space. He needs to leave. Saskia can only watch him walk away.

 

***

 

What's the use of trying to be a better person if that's the way life rewards you? By taking away all the people who ever cared about you and leaving you alone, on the side of the road. People who don't care don't suffer, and at this point caring is almost a disease. A disease he can't deal with. He had to go out. He had to escape that situation the only way he knows how. And now he's on top of the bunker, has managed to pack a bag and feels the endorphine slowly numb his brain. That's what pain does. How did he forget?  
   
_"Shhh what are you doing..."_  
   
Saskia's dad. He has taken his cigarette away and has tossed it in the bushes.    
  
_"You should know by now that it doesn't solve anything, right?"_  
   
He adds, while glancing at Logan's burnt hand. Logan mutters  
   
_"It helps..."_  
   
And Rudi sits down in front of him  
   
_"It helps for what? Focusing on the physical pain instead of the moral one? Burying your sadness? Denying you're suffering?"_  
   
Logan is going to get up and leave when Rudi shows him his arm  
   
_"I still can't wear tshirts because I can't deal with those"_  
   
Logan sees scars on Rudi's arm, old cuts, apparently made with a razor blade.  
  
_"I wasn't raised to...express myself as they say today. I was raised to be a man, to overcome, to be strong. And what happens when you can't?"_  
   
Logan keeps silent, just staring at Rudi's arm. He rolls back his sleeve and adds  
   
_"You get into fights, you take or do whatever keeps the darkness away."_  
   
Logan slowly nods and sits back on the ground.  
  
_"Because you can't deal with it. No one taught you, no one told you it was okay to break down."_  
   
Logan mutters  
   
_"I can't... Deal... With people leaving..."_  
   
Rudi kneels down  
   
_"Leaving you?"_  
   
Logan replies  
  
_"I can't..."_  
   
And quickly gets up, trying to escape but Rudi uses his power to keep him still. Logan growls  
   
_"Let me go man..."_  
   
Rudi frowns  
  
_"And then what? You're gonna steal a car and let the kid die alone? Find the nearest bar and get hammered to forget you acted like a coward? Pick a fight? Find some meth?"_  
   
Logan yells  
   
_"Don't act like you know me or like you fucking care!"_  
   
Rudi replies  
   
_"Sorry to break it to you but you're not that mysterious. I know you. I was you, a few years ago. And as for caring, no, indeed I don't care about you, I care about my kid."_  
   
Logan laughs    
   
_"Kay'll be much better with me outta the picture! I'm just messing with her life! Don't you agree?"_  
   
Rudi shrugs  
  
_"We agree on that. But not if it means you leaving her in the middle of the night with your dying friend to take care of. If you want to act like a fucking bastard at least have the guts to say that to her face."_  
   
Logan drops the aggressiveness  
  
_"I just... I don't know how to..."_  
   
Rudi calms down a little  
  
_"You really like him, that kid, right?"_  
   
Logan nods  
  
_"You know what made me stop... All that? Taking care of Saskia and her mom. I know what you tried to do. Helping someone who was more damaged than you to forget about your own issues. To heal yourself along with him."_  
   
Logan frowns, trying to hold back an emotion threatening to smother him.  
   
_"That doesn't work. At some point it comes right back to you. I thought that Saskia and Rose would be my salvation. That they would be the family I had always wanted, one I would never hurt, one that would never be scared of me."_  
   
He pauses for a minute  
   
_"And one morning I woke up with Rose gone and just a note on the coffee table. And everything came right back. Caring means suffering, the moment people know you, the moment they flee, you will spend your life alone. That kind of things that make you hate yourself and hurt everyone who gets too close. But instead of doing that, I dealt with my issues."_  
   
He glances at Logan and sees he's carefully listening and has stopped trying to get out of his grip  
   
_"I had to stop thinking that I couldn't get close to people because I would hurt them, like I hurt and killed my mother when I was born."_  
  
Logan's eyes become shiny and he doesn't say a word  
   
_"I couldn't hurt people and think it was in my nature, so I could hate myself more and continue. I stopped all that. I studied, I travelled, I had faith I would see my kid again."_  
   
Logan stares at his burnt hands and whispers  


_"What's left for me to have faith in?"_  
   


 


	44. Cope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers! Thank you for the new kudos and comments! I'm working hard to wrap up this story the best i can and now i'm all fired up! You rock!
> 
> EDIT: 4000 views! THANK YOU!

Sam is holding Dean close, listening to his breathing, watching the slightest change in its rhythm. Dean stopped vomiting before Adele left and she said he was out of danger. He still has to drink some smelly herbal tea every half hour, and Sam makes sure he does, even if he needs to spoon feed him.    
  
He's humming Dean's favorite songs, gently running his fingers on his back. Dean hasn't been fully conscious since he arrived in the bunker, and Sam doesn't know if he can really feel that, but he doesn't care. Saskia woke him up a while ago to tell him about Andy, and it breaks his heart to know that the minute Dean is awake, he'll have to kill again. So he tries to focus on those good sensation, on his brother's warm skin and peaceful breathing. He needs it as much as Dean does, and he's spent the last minutes telling him about everything that happened while he was gone. The gang, the coven, every thing they accomplished together and how happy he is to see Dean back home. He's been talking for a long time when Dean's eyes flutter open and  try to focus on him.  
  
_"Dean?"_  
  
He asks, cupping his brother's cheek. He repeats  
  
_"Dean you're awake?"_  
  
Dean blinks a few times and tries to sit, Sam helps him to lean against the wall, moving him gently while Dean presses the bridge of his nose as if he were having a headache.  
  
_"You okay buddy?"_  
  
Dean's eyes are still closed but his left hand his on Sam's neck, almost gripping it like a lifebuoy. He whispers  
  
_"Sammy?"_  
  
Sam gets even closer and caresses his cheekbone with his thumb replying  
  
_"Can you open your eyes?"_  
  
Dean makes what feels like a huge effort and opens his eyes, and the first thing he sees is Sam's relieved face and his tears-filled eyes.  
  
_"Sammy..."_  
  
He repeats while staring at Sam's tears streaming down his face. He can't quite believe he's back in his room, back home, and that Sam's right beside him. He sees Sam is this close to crush him in one of his bear hugs but is restraining himself, so he hugs him instead, and the moment they touch Sam's tension breaks into sobs.  
  
Dean would like to have something soothing to say, to be that rock he's always used to be, but Sam's pain hits him like a truck and echoes his own. And before he can process what's happening inside him, he's crying too, and saying incoherent things that would never have crossed his mouth before.  
  
_"I was so scared Sammy, so scared I'd never come back, that I'd be a... freaking monster and I'd never see you again..."_  
  
He feels Sam holding him closer and the waterfall of tears and words doesn't stop  
  
_"I'm so sorry I've been such a god damn idiot, should have listened to you... should always listen to you"_  
  
Sam moves back a little and laughs through the tears  
  
_"What's so funny?"_  
  
Says Dean, but there's nothing sarcastic in his voice, he just has a sad little smile and Sam says  
  
_"Nothing..."_  
  
He's tears, and dimples and loving smile and Dean can only kiss him and tell him how much he loves him. He has no barriers, no shame, no denial and it feels just so good and so liberating. Sam hugs him and whispers    
  
_"I'm so sorry..."_  
  
He pauses, holding him closer.  
  
_"I'm so sorry to ask you that Dean"_  
  
Sam is holding Dean's hand and tells him about Andy. Dean's eyes still look a little sleepy, but also genuinely sad.  
  
_"Do you think..."_ he begins, in a very low voice, _"do you think one day I won't have to kill anything anymore?"_  
  
Dean sounds like a child and it's heart breaking. He's been like this since he woke up, lost, and clinging to "Sammy" like he's his anchor. Rudi had warned him, told him that when Dean would wake up he'd be stripped of his defenses, but Sam had no idea that apart from whiskey and denial, Dean has no coping mechanism and is pretty much a lost boy. For Sam who's always been the one to be protected, it's unsettling to see their roles reversed.    
  
_"It's not killing Dean it's... It's freeing him."_  
  
Dean frowns, looking away.    
  
_"Every time I kill there's a piece of my soul that disappears like... Like it's made of sand and there's that wind..."_  
  
Sam gently caresses his cheek.    
  
_"I'll hold it, I'll do it, you just need to touch the Blade, you don't even have to look."_  
  
Dean closes his eyes and nods    
  
_"And then no more... Right?"_  
  
He gulps    
  
_"Sam... If I kill again after that I'm gonna die, I know it. The thing is gonna kill me."_  
  
Sam holds back the tears thinking about what Saskia told him and he says    
  
_"We're gonna get this out of your arm buddy ok? We are."_  
  
And he holds Dean close, Rudi's words are resonating in his soul    
  
_"I don't know if he's going to survive this Sam. I... I wasn't even sure my spell would work."_  
  
Dean hugs him back, burying his face in his shoulder.    
  
_"The fact he woke up is already a miracle. But if he does kill Lucifer it could either free him or destroy him"_  
  
Sam's tears begin to fall and he feels Dean's hand gripping his shirt    
  
_"You're my coven son, so I can't keep you in the dark. Killing Lucifer will probably spare us another apocalypse but I don't know if it will save Dean's life."_  
  
This time, Dean might be the one to jump in the Pit and there is nothing Sam can do except praying for it won't happen.

 

***

  
  
Saskia has covered Andy's chest to hide the wound, and Logan feels too numb to move. He could just hear her leave the room silently. They have all remained with Andy until the end, until he stopped coughing, stopped breathing, stopped... Sam then brought Dean to the room and Logan barely recognized his former ruthless commander when he caressed Andy's hair and told him to sleep well and rest in peace. He drove the Blade in the boy's heart while looking away, with Sam guiding his hand and swiftly taking the weapon once it was done. After that, Sam took him back to his room, almost carrying him. Everyone followed them outside, one by one, after saying goodbye to Andy, leaving him alone in the room with the Reaper, as if he were the kid's family. He was, he was in some ways.     
  
_"What are you doing?"_  
  
Aaron has his sad smile again    
  
_"Waiting for his soul to rise, so I can cut the bond between him and his body"_  
  
Logan sees a shadow behind Aaron. A shadow shaped like huge black wings, and he has a silver knife in his right hand.    
  
_"Let me do it."_  
  
He says, while getting up on his feet and coming closer to the Reaper.    
  
Aaron shakes his head    
  
_"You cannot, Logan. You take a life with this knife and you become a Reaper."_  
  
Logan replies    
  
_"I don't care. He's not dying by the hands of a stranger."_  
  
Aaron puts his hand on his shoulder. This man doesn't seem to understand that the price of being a Reaper is living in the Inbetween forever. Leaving his human friends to spend eternity harvesting the souls of the deceased.    
  
_"You are human now. Becoming a Reaper means... "_    
  
Logan cuts    
  
_"I know. Give me the damn knife."_  
  
Aaron gives him his knife, and the second Logan touches it, it's like everything has become brighter. He can see clouds of light around Aaron, and even around Andy's body, colored light, and it's like he knows, it's like he can see the meaning of every shade. And he's filled with one certitude, this isn't the end, and everything is going to be just fine.     
  
He turns towards the boy's body and suddenly he sees him, sat on his bed, holding his own hand, and looking at himself with a bittersweet smile.    
  
_"Hello again, mio fratello"_  
  
He says while turning to Logan. He looks well rested and peaceful. Logan feels his throat tightening    
  
_"Hey..."_  
  
There are tears in Andrea's eyes and Logan says    
  
_"You know I wouldn't let you go alone."_  
  
Andras nods, and Aaron whispers    
  
_"Can you see the silver string attached to his chest? That is what you need to cut."_  
  
Logan lightly touches it with the tips of his fingers and the string starts to glow.    
  
_"Once you have cut it there is no going back."_  
  
Aaron adds and Logan doesn't answer. He has never felt that calm in... Ever.     
  
Without saying a word, he swiftly cut the string and another knife appears in his left hand.     
  
_"It's yours now."_  
  
He hears Aaron saying.     
  
_"I should have known you were my guardian angel"_  
  
Andrea says, and that could sound so cheesy in someone else's mouth. He hugs him tight, and the boy's body starts to glow.    
  
_"Andrea?"_  
  
There's a woman, standing in the room, in front of a bright white door, with long blond hair and bright blue eyes.  Almost lavender, just like... Andy turns around a mutters    
  
_"Mamma?"_  
  
He runs to the woman who kneels down and holds him while kissing his hair, his hands, and saying things in Italian that Logan doesn't understand but he gets their meaning.     
  
Andy turns to him and repeats _"Thank you, thank you"_ while both their bodies are turning into bright light. His mother can only say " _grazie mille_ " before they both disappear into the light and Logan has to sit down, feeling tears falling down his face.    
  
_"I know it can be hard"_  
  
Aaron says, while patting his shoulder and Logan replies    
  
_"No you don't get it... I'm glad... She was his mom. He... He's back with his mom."_  
  
He pauses    
  
_"Do you see that often?"_  
  
Aaron sits next to him and says    
  
_"Yes of course. Loved ones wait for each other in the Lifestream."_  
  
Logan wipes his eyes and says, while clenching his blade  
  
_"That makes me okay with being one of y'all then"_

 

***

 

Saskia is smoking outside the bunker, looking at the rain falling on the road. She's always liked the smell of wet asphalt, and she needs to calm down before the big battle meeting.    
  
Logan has left with Aaron.    
  
When she entered Andy's room he had huge black wings and his aura had completely changed. She didn't need any explanation to understand what he had done and what was the silver blade he was holding. He just said "I'm still fighting for you" before disappearing, and she kept silent, unable to say a word. She hasn't said anything since she has explained to the others what had happened.    
  
Logan took the right decision. Right though extreme. But Logan wouldn't be Logan without his extreme side. She knows they're both toxic for each other, that the past standing between them isn't just a few domestic arguments. It's raw, violent, full of tears, blood and fire. Being together means guilt and self hate. Means dissolving in negativity. So he took the right decision. He got rid of his Knight Mark and he gained powers, useful powers by becoming a Reaper. Reapers are as strong as angels with a full Grace and if he's a Reaper he can act as their ambassador. It secures their alliance in a more stable way than having hostages. It's perfect. Except...    
  
Except she's mad at him to the point she could drag him back to the bunker and tear his feathers - or whatever it is - one by one. It's unfair. He doesn't have the right to leave like this, like he's some kind of white knight. She should have been the one to tell him when to leave and she knows how stupid and immature it is. She wonders how Sam deals with having been in a tangled up, complicated and toxic relationship for so many years without turning completely nuts. And his is on a whole other level.    
  
_"You okay?"_  
  
Speaking of the devil...    
  
_"Yeah. I just need a smoke and I'll be just fine."_  
  
She feels Sam hugging her from behind, his chin resting on the top of her head. He is so ridiculously tall.    
  
_"I'm here for you, you know that right?"_  
  
Saskia gently caresses his hand and replies    
  
_" 'Course I do. Same goes for you"_  
  
Sam holds her closer, and even if she's not a mind reader she can feel he's worried.     
  
_"It could be our last night on Earth..."_    
  
She whispers, instantly regretting those words went past her lips.    
  
" _Or it could be the first night of a new era."_  
  
Replies Sam, letting her go and now facing her.    
  
_"But in any case, thank you, thank you for everything you've done."_  
  
He has tears in his eyes and Saskia feels some rolling down her face. She could kiss him right now. She needs it. She would need a man's arms and in another world they would have been good for each other. Sam smiles through the tears whispering    
  
_"I know..."_  
  
Fucking mind readers. He kisses her cheek and his lips trace hers, just lightly, and she chastely reciprocates. It's a one-time promise, it's a vow that goes without words.     
  
They remain in each other's arm for a moment, Saskia's face nestled on Sam's heart, until they both let each other go, not afraid anymore. Whatever happens, they'll always have each other's back.    
  
_"Let's go back inside"_  
  
Says Saskia.    
  
_"We have a battle to plan"_

 

***

 

He hasn't felt like this since... since John told him the truth about his mother's death. Maybe just a few weeks after Mary's funeral. They had buried an empty coffin. With him John never pretended to be a travelling salesman. Of course he made it simple for the little child he was, daddy is hunting bad guys, like the monster who killed mommy. The memories are a little blurry. He knows they didn't start to hunt right away. There was a time when they were simply staying in a motel and John spent his time drinking and bringing huge books back to the room. Sam was constantly crying, even losing weight, and the motel lady - a receptionist? a neighbor? - took care of them for a while until John got his first lead and left.

 

He had such a stable life before. He lost it long ago, but he used to have one of his childhood drawings. It was so bright and colorful. He wanted to be a firefighter just like so many little boys. He loved his mommy just like so many little boys and he never had the opportunity to mourn her since then. He just buried the pain deep, deep inside, and when he was a child he didn't have alcohol or cigarettes to make it bearable. He could just pretend he was still at home, take care of Sammy to forget about the loneliness and how grim all this was. And slowly it became his life. A tarnished, stain version of what it should have been. 

 

Andy had bright eyes just before he died. He thanked him, and thanked him again with a frail smile on his blue lips. Does he look like this now? He gets up and walks to his room's mirror, staring at his reflexion.

 

He's puzzled.

 

In some ways, he looks better. He hasn't drunk a drop of alcohol in weeks and had proper, though forced, sleep. But his gaze is still heavy. And the Mark is still their, pulsing on his arm. Its grip on his soul is looser though, but it doesn't mean it's gonna stay that way. Ending Andy's life soothed the beginning of turmoil he was feeling. And even if his brand new innocence feels nice, it also feels scary as hell. Weak.

 

_"Dean? We're in the library, whenever you're ready."_

 

Sammy. He nods and smiles at him and takes five more minutes to collect himself. The most terrifying thing might be that even in this childlike state, even with a weakened mark, something dark is bubbling in his heart and he recognizes envy when he feels it. 

He has been feeling strange since he woke up. Like his whole being has been shattered and is now only holding together with duct tape and safety pins. Rudi told him not to try to cope just yet, that he was gonna feel crappy for days on. But Dean feels fragile and useless and he'd definitely need a drink and a gun to be efficient.  He already misses his innocence from an hour ago, and it seems that ending Andy's life, as justified as it could be, has already tarnished it.    
  
No. He can't relapse, he can't do that to Sam. Until now he's been protected by the fact the ritual hadn't been properly completed. It's only temporary though, the Mark could take over, and it's like he can feel it. When he felt the Blade piercing through the boy's chest, he felt like he was gaining a little strength, a little peace of mind. And it scared him to death.     
  
The darkness inside him is a bottomless pit. And Sam is all light. At least that's how he sees it now. He spent so many years blaming him for his own issues. Now when he sees him with all these people around he sees a leader, someone who is followed not out of fear but out of love and devotion. Inspiring fear is easy, it's actually the easiest way to dominate. On the other hand, inspiring love is on a whole over level. And somehow, there is something in Sam that inspires people to follow him and save the world. Dean wonders if all these years he hasn't simply felt jealous of this ability. Because he has always been a soldier, in "real life" he would have been the kind to receive a medal for outstanding bravery, but not for his strategic abilities. Sam would say he's belittling himself and that he's much more intelligent than what he gives himself credit for. But still. Dean hasn't that kind of confidence in his ability to inspire people.    
  
_"The faes theory seems believable. That's common in blood magic that a spell doesn't survive the death of the caster."_  
  
Says Rudi. He explains he spent quite a lot of time studying everything he could find about the spell and blood magic. Killing Lucifer would also probably destroy the Monolith if he body-linked it, which is probably what he did if he intents to use it. An is also probably linked to Eden's crystal, and it's gonna be the Faes's job to unlink him if they want their crystal and its power back.     
  
So Dean has to kill Lucifer. It will be his last kill and his whole self is rebelling against it. Which is probably a good sign since the mark has also built a sire bond between him and Luci.     
  
_"I'll do it."_  
  
He says, softly, almost whispering. Rudi nods and adds    
  
_"Well, we will cover you until you reach him. You won't have to kill anyone else. Saskia, Sam and me can create a powerful enough shield to take you close to him."_    
  
Sam asks    
  
_"Any news from the covens?"_  
  
Rudi frowns    
  
_"I received a message from Adele saying that the negotiations were harder than planned. Charlie is analyzing the monitor's data and told me the number of angels was dramatically decreasing and..."_  
  
Charlie cuts    
  
_"And the number of demons have started to drop"_  
  
She turns the screen of her tablet PC towards them and they see the number slowly but firmly decrease.    
  
_"They need to understand they have to be ready like tomorrow. Not next week. The moment the number has dropped to zero the battle begins."_  
  
Dean asks    
  
_"How will we know where they are?"_  
  
Saskia answers    
  
_"The monitor will tell us. Both Eden's crystal and Lucifer's monolith are extremely powerful artifacts. The moment they are on our vibratory level, the moment the monitor will spot the energy. We'll communicate the coordinates to the witches and will go there through a portal."_  
  
Dean adds   
  
_"And what about the Reapers?"_

Saskia says 

_"They will probably spot it on their own. As for the Pagan gods, we need the angels back to know if they fight with us"_  
  
Kevin sighs   
  
_"That would be great if they agreed to"_  
  
Sam nods    
  
_"Sure. But there are a lot of variables and..."_  
  
Rudi smiles   
  
_"The covens will come. You've never seen an angry Adele. And an angry Hermann. Seriously, my former coven is really respected in Europe. We didn't have time to explain the Covens' history to everyone, but all the people you've seen come from very important families"_  
  
Dean looks a little skeptical    
  
  _"Hermann is a Scholl, but he belongs to a maternal branch of the Von Netescheim family, which is really old and powerful. He married a Mackenzie, Aileen, Saskia's grandmother. The Mackenzies are one of the three largest Scottish covens."_  
  
Charlie says    
  
_"Pawel is half Mackenzie, right?"_  
  
Rudi replies    
  
_"Yes. As a matter of fact, Saskia and Pawel are related. Pawel's grandmother is one of Aileen's cousins. And his father was born in the most powerful family of Poland"_  
  
Saskia mutters    
  
_"And the Crofts..."_  
  
Rudi completes    
  
_"Theodora is pure Croft. Her mother is her father's first cousin. She is indeed the heir to the coven. Von Netesheim, MacKenzie, Backowski, Croft... If we had one member of the Volant, the biggest french coven, we'd have the whole Covens nobility."_  
   
He adds    
  
_"Basically, if one of these families is convinced, the others will follow out of... honor."_  
  
Charlie says    
  
_"I sent a report about the monitor to everyone, let's hope it will motivate one of the families to join us."_  
  
Rudi smiles    
  
_"Good job."_

 

***

 

 

 _"Now you are one of us I can introduce you to our informant on the Faes side brother"_  
  
Says Aaron, while leading Logan to Death's headquarters winter garden. Logan is a little troubled but tries not to show it. He became a Reaper out of impulse, because he needed something to fight for and to move on. Becoming a Reaper was a way to flee without completely betraying everyone and even if it's a good choice he doesn't exactly feel good about it.    
  
His mind goes blank when he enters the garden which is unexpectedly beautiful and radiant. It could be called an autumn garden since all the plants are red, or in shades of red. It's like being in the middle of a vegetal fire, and right in front of him, there's a woman taking care of beautiful red roses.  
  
She looks young, but something tells him she's ages old. There is wisdom in her gaze and her gestures are graceful and precise. She is very pale and has very long red hair flowing all the way down her back, and even if she's wearing normal clothes, Logan instantly guesses what she is. She's indeed a Fae, but not a simple one. This one is a Queen.  
  
_"Logan, may I introduce you to Lady Morrighan?"_  
  
The Fae walks towards him and Logan weakly shakes her hand.    
  
_"Lady Morrighan is the former keeper of the Red Crystal."_  
  
Logan stutters  
  
_"You're... Morgan Le Fay... aren't you?"_  
  
Morrighan smiles  
  
_"Indeed, this is one of my many names."_

 

***

 

 _"Nectar and ambrosia?"_  
  
Says Castiel, a little skeptical. Gabriel has just come back from a meeting with some of his former colleagues holding two golden amphora. Apparently, what's inside could possibly turn them into gods.  
  
_"I thought we were supposed to be team humanity?"_  
  
Gabriel laughs and drinks some of the golden liquid, ignoring Castiel's confused face. His eyes shine bright and he says, grinning.  
  
_"We're team humanity on steroids then."_


	45. The Last Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! So sorry for the wait dear ones :)

If they were in a movie it could be pretty spectacular. They're caught between two fires and there are already many casualties among the faes. Dean is moving forward, protected by Sam and Saskia who have created an impressive shield with their combined power.     
  
Dean knows it's going to be a difficult fight. Lucifer is strong and the worst part is he's using Adam's body as a vessel. Adam whom they failed so much. It's the last blow for the betrayed kid, but one that will at least give him peace. Still, Dean would really like not to be the one to make that kind of choices anymore. Hopefully it's the last time.    
  
Enki is standing right beside his monolith, and up close it's as big as a mountain and so dark it swallows all the light around. It's throwing dark beams around, and everytime they strike the victim turns to sand. Dean knows he's protected, but still,  he needs to be fast and efficient. Enki is still not facing him, and maybe it's not honorable to stab someone in the back, but it's the earth's future he needs to care  about, not his ego.    
  
Dean finally strikes and the Blade pierces through the vessel. It's almost too easy.     
  
Enki turns around and his eyes take Dean's breath away. He's looking at Dean with an expression of pain an deep, so deep sadness.    
  
"You said you'd come back for me"    
  
He says, his lips reddened by his blood.    
  
He falls on his knees and Dean catches him before he hits the ground muttering  
  
"Adam?"    
  
Adam spits some blood on the ground while nodding. Dean adds     
  
"God I'm so sorry...."    
  
There are tears in Adam's eyes and Dean feels his eyes burn at his brother's sight. He's going to add something when he feels an unbearable pain in his arm, so unbearable that he loses consciousness.    
  
Sam and Saskia run to him, and before Sam can say anything Dean collapses and starts convulsing, Adam's body suddenly being sucked into the Monolith. Sam tries to hold him still but the seizure worsens and suddenly Saskia pulls him back yelling  
  
"Sam we need to leave, now!"  
  
Sam pushes her away    
  
"I'm not leaving him here!"  
  
Saskia replies  
  
"Look!"  
  
Sam opens his third eye and sees Dean's chakras are all wide open, and that  everyone of them looks like a black hole, swallowing all the light of Dean's aura. He mutters    
  
"What's happening?"    
  
Saskia grabs his arm     
  
"Nothing we want to be near to when it comes out. Get up!"    
  
Sam hesitates, trying to hold Dean so he doesn't bump his head or bite his tongue. He can't just leave him on the ground like this.    
  
"Come on!"    
  
Saskia is pulling him and he sees a cloud of dust coming closer. Rudi is coming with Pawel as he can also see lighting bolts.    
  
As he keeps on trying to hold his brother still he grabs his forearm and feels Dean's hot skin under his fingers. The Mark. The Mark is burning hot and inflamed, like an infected wound.     
  
"Sam!!"    
  
 They're coming for him. Taking risks for him. They love him enough to risk their lives and he's here, clinging to Dean like a lifebuoy. It's a matter of seconds before he needs to make a choice. Leave with them or probably being wiped out by the energy streaming in Dean's body.    
  
"Sam for fuck's sake, move!"    
  
Saskia isn't fleeing. If she stays she's gonna die too.    
  
Like so many others who died because Dean and him always come first. Dean would let the world burn for him. He would run away and let him die or whatever is happening. And Sam would gladly die beside him. But why? Because they love each other of course, so much Sam knows how close he was to kill himself every time Dean was gone.     
  
"Sam trust me we need to leave now!"    
  
Some black energy is pouring out of Dean's shakras and Sam feels vibrations, as if his astral body was trembling too. He doesn't know what it means but clearly Saskia does. He's not alone. If there is a way to save Dean, he'll find it with the others. If he stays here and lets himself be killed...    
  
"Let's go"    
  
He says while Dean's body starts being lifted in the air by some powerful force.    
  
"Thank God!"    
  
Saskia sighs and they run as fast as they can to Rudi and Pawel using their powers to strengthen their shield.    
  
"Whatever is coming, it's big."    
  
Says Rudi between his clenched teeth    
  
"What happened to him?"    
  
Asks Saskia, while looking at the menacing black cloud surrounding Dean's body.    
  
"We've been duped. That was a infinity spell"    
  
Rudi replies, looking furious. Sam asks    
  
"What's that?"    
  
Saskia's eyes are widened in surprise and then she looks extremely angry  
  
"A spell which is complete in three steps. You see what's an infinity sign, right?"    
  
Some powerful wind starts blowing and holes appear in the shield. Pawel mutters    
  
"Holy crap..."  
  
Sam says he does and Saskia adds    
  
"The first loop and the second one are usually the same and they're joined by a turning point step."    
  
She sends more fire in the shield    
  
"Here it's sibling sacrifice, suicide and..."    
  
Sam completes    
  
"Oh my God... Adam..."    
  
Rudi says     
  
"All of them... They wanted Dean to complete the spell."     
  
"But why?"     
  
Asks Pawel, a little confused. Rudi answers     
  
"I think they want him to kill An. He's not only Lucifer's weapon, he's theirs."

 

***

_The day before_

***

 

The priest has shaking hands and cold sweat is dripping on his forehead. When those three people entered his church, he knew they were not ordinary believers. First, they were all beautiful. They had some kind of nobility in their posture, something that made you want to kneel. The boy in particular, was striking. Physically he wasn't out of the ordinary. Twenty, maybe twenty two years old. But his gaze. His gaze showed his real age. He asked him to perform a special ritual, and if anyone else had asked him that he would have laughed. Said the church was closed, that he just wanted to go home and watch something on Netflix, but this boy, this creature he couldn’t say no to him. So he did close the church, and he listened to his every order. Struck by stupor, and some kind of an ancient fear, like the instinctive one humans have for reptiles. He quickly understood who the man was, an angel, an envoy of God. He was ready to follow him everywhere and he did everything that was asked from him. Every single trial.     
  
Until today, the day of the last one, the day when he, father Matthew Martin, unknown priest of an even more unknown city becomes the chosen one, the one who closes the Gates of Hell. Then why does he feel so sick?    
  
He has just fallen on the church’s floor and his vision has become blurry. His whole body is burning and he can barely breathe. Why doesn’t the holy boy help him? Here he is, crouching near him, he’s going to save him right? He said he would have his seat in heaven and…    
  
Enki stares at the priest's body with contempt. One of An's priests. Poor gullible and fragile creature. Ready to do just anything to please that master he has never laid eyes on. When he was reigning on Earth, Enki lived with his people. The House of God was a literal house, and the Mountain of the Gods an actual mountain that could be climbed.    
  
The priest's veins start to shine bright and he howls like a wounded wolf.  
  
He feels Kimaris's hand take his, and he gently kisses her shoulder. With this new vessel, they are exactly of the same height. He could have kept his original body. After all he has enough energy to do so. But no magic can give a materialized body that crucial thing he needs.  
  
Suddenly the priest’s body shatters in billions of particles of pure light that pierce through the church’s ceiling and reach the sky, shining like a laser beam. Enki comes to Katrina who seems a little dizzy and has trouble staying up.  
  
“How do you feel, dear friend?”    
  
She rubs her eyes, and tries not to fall back on her chair, the sensation of her breathing and heartbeat being almost too overwhelming.    
  
“I feel… I feel alive… my King.”    
  
Kimaris takes both her hands    
  
“Thanks to you the Gates of Hell are closed, dearest Katrina. If we win this war, and we will, you will be the mother of our new humanity.”    
  
Enki adds    
  
“Will you take my Grace and my vessel, Adam’s seed? Will you be my Eve and carry my children?”    
  
Katrina falls on her knees, tears streaming down her face    
  
“I will my King. I will serve you until my last day.”    
  
Kimaris hugs her, and says  
  
"I am infinitely grateful to you, Katrina. Infinitely."  
  
Katrina closes her eyes while Kimaris's body turns into a bright blue light. Enki says  
  
"You will be the perfect vessel for my beloved."  
  
A last teardrop falls from Katrina's eye while Kimaris enters her body, lightening the whole church. Enki holds Kimaris's new body until she opens her eyes.  
  
"How do you feel my love?"  
  
He asks, detailing the features of the woman in his arms. Even with this different body he would recognize her in a second. She caresses his cheek.    
  
"Alive."  
  
Enki kisses her, her long braids tangled around his fingers. This day will be remembered as the first morning of the New World.

 

***

"Why didn't you warn lady Charlie?"  
  
Dorothy has a sad laugh. She has just told Gilda everything. And now it's too late. They're barricaded in the Crystal's Room but the door won't hold forever.  
  
"Because I am a proud idiot? She left me and I thought... I thought I would do something brave... grand... and then show her how she should..."  
  
She swallows a sob  
  
"We're going to die here Gilda, and this is all my fault."  
  
Gilda sits on the edge of the pool. She's right. Arkhmoor's soldiers have invested the Green Palace and this is a matter of seconds before they storm inside the crystal's room and kill them. Let's be realistic, there is no other possible outcome for Dorothy, the one who freed lady Morrighan and Gilda who now knows too much.    
  
Dorothy had never trusted the faes. Ever since she had stepped foot in Avalon she knew the place wasn't that ideal, that the beauty of it hid a lot of dark secrets. And when she tried to know more about the dark witches, she slowly learnt the whole story about Eden's missing crystal, and the mysterious prisoner in the Jails of Ys, at the bottom of Sapphire Lake. After a lot of research, she finally found the name of the prisoner, Lady Morrighan, former member of Oberon's council and keeper of the Red Crystal. Imprisonned for rebellion, for refusing to collaborate to the sacrifice of Eden's people and the theft of Earth's Lifestream. She used to be Oberon's first councelor before Myrrdin was put in her place and was also given her Land. With all the information she had, Dorothy knew Morrighan was maybe the only fae who could actually save both her world and Avalon, which under this new light looked more and more like a tyranny painted in pastel colors.

She could have talked about that to Charlie, yes. In the beginning she didn't because after a few weeks of adventure, Charlie wasn't interested in politics. Being some kind of magical freedom fighter, like in the games she used to play, was enough. So Dorothy didn't want to bother her with her investigations.  
  
And then she left for Earth without a word, with just a pitiful note. And Dorothy felt so betrayed she didn't even mention she knew a lot about the problem. After all, Charlie and her friend didn't come to her, but to Vivian. The Ice Queen had never even suspected she could knew something. To be honest, Dorothy had spent time building her image as the innocent yet fair new earthling leader, and Charlie had very early been kept outside of her secrets. Dorothy now realizes she has behaved just like a husband from her era. Sheltering her wife, keeping her ignorant of many things, when she had fought alongside Charlie and knew how brave she was.  
  
She made her own investigation, hired her own agents and understood everything. She should have told Charlie everything when she came back with Linda Tran to talk to Vivian. Right at the moment when Dorothy was planning her operation to free Morrighan from the Jails of Ys, right before Avalon was put on lockdown and the portals closed except for one, Vivian's.    
  
Right before the Wolves of Arkhmoor, Maev's army had started invading Oz.    
  
The worst part is, her bitterness and her jealousy may have jeopardized Earth's future.  
  
"I hope the Red Lady will keep her promise to save my planet."  
  
Says Dorothy, while tossing her sword in the crystal's pool. She hears footsteps outside and she knows it's a matter of second before the room is taken over. She sits down and take Gilda's hand.    
  
"I am sorry..."  
  
 She doesn't even move when the first soldier strikes her with his spear and she falls into the pool,  Gilda's screams muffled by the water swallowing her whole.  
  
 

***

 

"Do you understand why you cannot say anything?"  
  
Logan sits down, frowning  
  
"Why did you tell me in the first place? I didn't have to know 'bout your big scheme"  
  
He sees Morrighan hide a little smile and Aaron sits in front of him.  
  
"Yes you had. You are a valuable recruit, a loyal man, and I know that if you had found out about this on your own, and you would probably have, you would have warned your friends."  
  
He pauses  
  
"I'm counting on your pragmatism and your intelligence here, Logan."  
  
Logan silently nods. He says  
  
"So that's why you took me with you. So they're not wary, so they think y'all share the same goals..."  
  
Aaron looks embarassed and Logan laughs.  
  
"I can't be manipulated that easily man."  
  
Aaron had probably guessed that if he was kept unaware of their plan and then learnt about it by himself he would instantly turn his back on them. So it was a smart move to include him even if it also meant one thing:  
  
"So guess I can't quit, right?"  
  
Morrighan says  
  
"You cannot. But if you could quit and tell them everything, then what?"  
  
Logan hisses  
  
"Then I wouldn't be a fucking traitor?"  
  
Aaron grabs his shoulder  
  
"Would you watch the Earth burn?"  
  
Logan thinks about Frankie and all the people living their lives right now, unaware of the threat that could turn their world to dust. His honor and promises can't surpass that and he knows it. He's cornered. He gets up and shoves Aaron's arm away  
  
"No. No of course not. I'm not a complete moron."

It's always the same ones who end up being sacrificied

 

***

 

« Chill out Cas, it’s only temporary. »  
  
Says Gabriel, after Castiel has stated he didn’t want to have anything to do with magic powers, or trying to be a god again.  
  
“If we stop taking it, our powers will just disappear.”  
  
Castiel looks skeptical  
  
“And you’re telling us you’re just gonna drop that wonderful thing that makes you immortal and powerful?”  
  
He sighs  
  
“I heard more convincing heroin addicts”  
  
Gadriel shrugs  
  
“Let’s be realistic here. I know the Winchesters have always fought without actual powers. And they have been tremendously lucky. No one can say it will be the case for us and we cannot afford to lose this battle, there’s too much at stake.”

Castiel keeps on looking suspicious

"How did you get them to give us anything?"  
  
Gabriel is puzzled. Truth is, he doesn't really know. He expected tough negotiations and it went unexpectedly smoothly.    
  
"I...asked?"  
  
He says, with a cocky smile. He'd like to think it has something to do with his shared past with the Pagan Gods or the fact that Death is on the war path as well. They do have an interest in participating. In helping rogue angels, well now humans, not that much.  
  
"We do have some common interests"  
  
Castiel seems skeptical.  
  
"Did they tell you anything we might have to know?"  
  
Gadriel frowns  
  
"They did ask us something... About the coven."  
  
Castiel asks  
  
"The coven?"  
  
Gadriel says  
  
"Yes... Sam, Saskia and Rudi's. They asked if we were part of it."  
  
Hannah asks why and Gadriel replies  
  
"I don't know. We said we had been working together from the very beginning and it seemed to, I don't know, please them? I don't know how they know them or why they cared, but it seemed important."  
  
Anaël smiles  
  
"So this wasn't exactly about your powers of persuasion Marduk, was it?"

Gabriel laughs

"Maybe not. Anyway they're fighting with us, that's settled. Everybody drink their share of uh... flask and we can go back to the Batcave to tell that to the rest of the team"

Castiel reluctantly drinks his. Gabriel can't be so careless. Something was done. A price was definitely paid.

But which one?

***

 

 

This might be our last morning, thinks Saskia. She's sat on the ground, in the little grove above the bunker, watching the first rays of sunlight piercing through the trees leaves. She woke up at 4 this morning just to have this sight. She's been acting quite commander in chief-esque lately and she needs some alone time before putting her war mask back on. The numbers of demons and angels have dropped to zero and they finally had the coven's answers. The Backowski said they would fight and as Rudi predicted, all the other families followed, others that weren't contacted as well. French, Spanish, Italian, even some old European vampire and werewolf communities... They're just waiting for the angels to come back.

People will die today.  
  
She had a dream last night. Not a regular dream. A vision. Like the one her mother used to have. She saw humanity burn. And she saw herself, but strangely she was her and not her at the same time, cry over the ruins and the burnt bones.

When she woke up, she knew what she had to do. And no one can know.

She gets up and walks toward the symbol still visible on the ground. This is where they said their coven vows. She stands on her circle and promises herself she won't let any harm come to Rudi or Sam, whatever the consequences. She knows that should include Dean, she promised it would.  
  
But her soul is stripped bare in front of the Goddess and to her she cannot lie.  
  
She's never prayed to her. It was between too dark, and too wiccan/hippie/new age for her to actually study. Ellen... her mother used to say you don't speak about the Goddess, you whisper. And Saskia used to laugh at that. If that Goddess was so powerful, why was the world such a mess, right?  
  
"The Goddess is just like a mother", Ellen said once, when Saskia was something like eight, "but not the tamed version of mothers we're used to. Women weave the string of life and women cut it. Women can create a new human being, but if they don't feed it, it dies. That power of life and death has always terrified men."  
  
Saskia smiled a little bitterly, yeah right, women terrifies men. On the camp it seems to be the other way around, with the amount of black eyes and missing teeth.  
  
"Women have forgotten their power Saskia, they have learnt to fear it, they have learnt to fear themselves."  
  
Saskia then said, with the accent she later worked to lose  
  
"So why don't ya just pray your damn Goddess and get us outta here?"  
  
Ellen slapped her hand and said  
  
"Don't ever talk like that about the Goddess. She's too powerful for me to invoke, she would rip me to shreds. She's older than every single God. She even existed before Death. And there is always a price."  
  
Saskia became a little pale  
  
"She only answers the strongest, the fearless, the ruthless ones. I'm neither. You..."  
  
She stopped talking, biting her lip as if she had said too much  
  
"Me what?"  
  
The conversation ended with Rick coming inside the RV. Saskia always remembered it and wished she was as strong as the Goddess. Especially during difficult times...

She takes some sage leaves from her pocket and puts them on fire, breathing in the smoke while whispering chanted blessings. Then she grabs a golden knife and slices her forearm, deep enough for bright red blood to flow out of the wound and quickly forming a little pool on the grass.  
  
"By this offering of life give me your strength, Hecate..."  
  
She repeats the incantation while pressing the knife on the wound so it doesn't heal, ignoring the pain and her vision becoming increasingly blurry. She's lucky she's a healer. That spell is normally a human sacrifice. It's a chthonian ritual, an offering to the gods of the underworld, and Hecate is the goddess of witches, one of the avatars of the Goddess, as Saskia found out much later.  
  
"Give me the power to protect my coven and defeat my enemies..."  
  
Saskia falls on her knees, weakened and nauseous but doesn't stop chanting. Chthonic gods are demanding. Let's hope the blood will be enough, let's... She suddenly feels a little tremor. The grounds becomes warmer and warmer and suddenly, her blood is sucked inside the Earth. Saskia drops the knife and waits, while her wound slowly heals and her heartbeat starts getting back to normal.  
  
One by one, little green leaves emerge from the ground, following the lines of the symbol. They grow into plants, then into flowers, white flowers with thin red lines on their petals.  
  
"Asphodels..."  
  
She whispers, of course, they're Hecate's symbol. She's been heard.    
  
"Thank you, thank you for your blessing, Hecate."  
  
She notices a bride red flower at the center of the symbol and she takes it carefully. She feels a pulse inside, as if the flower had its own heart.    
  
This will probably have consequences.  
  
Sacrifice for sacrifice. She gave her blood to the Goddess, and the Goddess gave her some of hers. Who knows what deal she's agreeing to by completing this.  
  
She eats the flower, and the petals taste like fresh blood.  


Whatever it was, the deal is made.

 

 

 


	46. Theft and destruction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 08/15: Morrighan's face is in chapter 13!

_The day before the battle_

 

  
  
They are lying in each other's arms, and Dean is trying to relax, even to get some sleep, but he can't.    
  
An hour ago Sam came back to their room, a little worried, after having spoken to Saskia.  
  
"She's acting strange", he said, "I think Andy's death and Logan's... transformation hit her harder than she thought."  
  
Dean rose from his bed and gently petted Sam's back. Sam almost jerked at that simple gesture, Dean had never been really physical, not like this anyway.  
  
"How do you feel?" he said, with a concerned voice.  
  
"I worry about her. She...", he coughed, "she's fragile and reckless at the same time. And there's something she's not telling me."  
  
Dean laughed  
  
"I thought you were some kind of psychic now?"  
  
Sam smiled  
  
"Yeah... But she's still a witch so she can push me away if she wants."  
  
Dean felt a little concerned, possibly a little jealous. He had seen how close Saskia and Sam were, he had even mentioned it to her and she had replied something like  
  
"Sam is a bro... a friend, a good friend."  
  
Brother had become a complicated word to use. He sighed  
  
"She's reliable Sammy, she proved it, there's no way she's gonna screw things up."  
  
Sam turned to him  
  
"It's not what I think Dean. She's my friend, I'm just... concerned."  
  
He added  
  
"And I'm afraid."  
  
Dean asked  
  
"Of what?"  
  
Sam sat on their bed  
  
"Of what's gonna happen to you."  
  
Dean's first impulse was saying nothing would happen to him. That he would kill Lucifer and that they would go home and drink beers. And then retire, for good. But that was what his old self would have said. The one who thought Sam couldn't handle anything.  
  
"Sammy... I'm afraid too."  
  
He begun. He sat close to his brother and held his hand, much to Sam's surprise, and words started to pour. Unspoken words, things that had been eating him up since childhood, and Sam could only listen and nod. Dean told him about his loneliness, his fears, his resignation about his future, about hunting, about being always in the middle of a shit storm.  
  
"I could have retired Sammy, I know that. I could have chosen to stay out of it rather than... thinking I was somehow the guy who had the responsibility to save everyone."  
  
Sam laughed  
  
"And still, here you are..."  
  
Dean smiled  
  
"Yeah. Because I got tricked by Crowley. I'm no saint Sam. I'm attracted to power. I think..."  
  
He breathed in deeply  
  
"I've always thought I had come to terms with living this life you know? That I agreed with Dad's vision..."  
  
Sam said  
  
"Saving lives, hunting things..."  
  
Dean nodded  
  
"Yeah. Until I realized I also wrecked lives, and that the things were not necessarily things but... beings. With their own lives, their own struggles to survive... Just like us."  
  
Sam was surprised by how articulate Dean was, suddenly. His voice was different even, not all gravel and whiskey, a tiny bit higher, like when he was younger, and he was being careful with his choice of words. Sam had always been convinced that hillbilly Dean was all an act, more than convinced, he knew, but Dean never really let go of his armor of redneckness, even in front of him. It was just like this ugly leather jacket he never took off, a part of Dean the Hunter's persona. And Rudi's ritual had pretty much destroyed it.  
  
"Look at Garth, look at Andras... Andy... Even Logan. Those are people I'd have gladly killed before. And I'd have felt righteous about it you know. And when you called me, when I saw who Andy was... inside... even with everything he had done I thought..."  
  
He wiped his eyes now a little teary  
  
"I thought everybody, even the worst of us, deserves to be forgiven. Deserves closure. And what's funny is... you know how in the beginning you were looking for the actual Grail?"  
  
Sam smiled, yes, it feels like it happened so long ago now. When after days of research he had finally found what the Grail was, God's vessel he thought. Actually just another trick.  
  
"Well now it's like everybody has their own... Grail to find. You know what I mean?"  
  
Sam nodded  
  
"I don't know what's mine. I think I... forgot a long time ago that I could be something else that karma's puppet."  
  
Sam kissed him on the temple, and Dean smiled under his touch  
  
"But I'm gonna kill Lucifer, and you're gonna save the world."  
  
Sam had a sad laugh  
  
"You think I can save the world? Me?"  
  
Dean turned to him, no serious  
  
"My worst mistake, if I had to rank them, is not trusting you, not giving you credit. You were right about many things, many times. And the first time was when you left for college. If I hadn't been a adrenaline addicted dumbass I would have followed you."  
  
Sam frowned to hold back the tears  
  
"I would have found a job and supported you, just like I had always done. Then you would have harassed me until I'd go back to school and actually do something with my life."  
  
Sam laughed whole heartedly  
  
"Yeah I probably would have."  
  
Dean smiled  
  
"The few bad decisions you made, it stemmed from my, and Dad's inability to give you credit. These people, they did, they trusted you."  
  
Sam says  
  
"They carried me. I was a mess in the beginning..."  
  
Dean gently pets his hair  
  
"Yeah but they accepted it. They didn't ask you to be some kind of warrior, to forget about me, to get your "shit together" or... stuff we would have asked you to do. Jack and denial and clean your guns..."  
  
Sam laughed  
  
"It's even a little hard to watch you know?" admits Dean, slightly ashamed, "you were always kinda mine."  
  
Sam gets serious  
  
"I'm still yours."  
  
Dean laughed  
  
"Didn't mean it like that Sammy! I mean I've always been such a sucker at making friends it was always... a wonder to see you, even when you were a kid, managing to make friends in like two weeks. When you were so geeky."  
  
Sam said  
  
"I was, I was..."  
  
"I know that if I don't survive this, there will be people to take care of you and that, really, that makes me okay with not coming back."  
  
Sam asked, a little alarmed  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
Dean gets serious  
  
"Maybe I won't come back Sam. That thing, that Mark... it's infiltrated. Everywhere inside me."  
  
"Rudi told you anything?"  
  
Dean shakes his head  
  
"He didn't have to. I can feel it. What he did, it gave me back my conscience, it gave me that conversation we're having and maybe, just maybe the possibility to turn that weapon on its creator and to kill him. But once Luci is dead, I'm not sure I'm not gonna die too."  
  
He coughs  
  
"That when this thing disappears, it's not gonna take me with it."  
  
Sam's eyes got suddenly filled with tears  
  
"That's what I'm afraid of too..."  
  
He admitted.    
  
"I know baby, I know."  
  
Dean said, and hearing those words, Sam broke down sobbing. Dean held him close and said  
  
"If it happens I want you to let me go okay? What Rudi said, about the Lifestream, about people waiting for each other, it's a comfort, it really is. And I will wait for you there, you know I will."  
  
Sam faced him, fighting the sobs  
  
"How... how am I supposed to... live without you?"  
  
Dean's eyes filled with tears and he said  
  
"You will, Sammy you will. But promise me. Whatever happens, save the others, save the Earth..."  
  
The rest of his words would remain engraved in Sam's brain.    
  
   
  
Dean spent the night looking at Sam, memorizing his every feature. He can't sleep because he needs to remember. And he feels strangely peaceful. Like someone who has accepted the end was near..

 

***

 

When the wind finally stops everyone is holding their breath. The tension is almost palpable, electricity fills the air and the battlefield is scarily silent. The black cloud slowly descends and Dean appears.

Sam can't hold back a scream. But his brother doesn't hear his name, he doesn't hear anything. He's not himself. He's something else.

Saskia's hand has found Sam's, and he's crushing it. She doesn't mind. Tears are coming to her eyes because she knows what's just happened. What's in front of them is that Sword they were warned about. It's not human, and there's nothing they can do. Their allies are still hidden behind an invisibility spell. Saskia's logical brain knows that now is not the time to ask them to reveal themselves. Up until now, there have been casualties only among the Faes who were trying to protect them from the crossfire between An and Lucifer.

Lucifer who has just emerged from his Monolith, unharmed, followed by a tall black woman while his dark crystal shoots pitch black beams to protect his weapon.

There are tears of anger and fear on Sam's face and Saskia's not very logical brain would like to blow everything up and try to stop Dean. But that's foolish. Everybody want An dead, and there's no way, even with their combined power, that they would make a step out there without being instantly killed.

The worst part is she can read on Sam's eyes a deep and sad resignation. There is nothing he can do and it's eating him alive.

Dean's skin is white like marble and his veins are black. The Blade is fused to his right arm that has become huge and disfigured. His aura has sunk into the black holes they saw right before his transformation.

Saskia sees Rudi embrace Sam's shoulder, and before he can say anything, Sam says a strangled

"I know."

He knows he can't ask their allies to attack. The strategy is clear, they will reveal themselves when the Faes reveal their intentions. Not before. And Dean made him promise.

A tear falls.

Dean made him promise last night. Whatever happens Sammy, save the others, save the Earth. You've always wanted to be some kind of super hero you big comic nerd. So just be one. Let me be the big baddy if that happens... That won't, that won't... You don't know. You don't know Sammy. You know karma always screws me up. So promise me. Promise me you won't do anything stupid and you'll stick to Dumbledore's plan.

I promise, he said.

"I promised."

Saskia gets a little closer and she can almost feel Sam's pain when Dean strikes his first blow and she can see his aura becoming even darker.

 

***

Hermann approaches and pats Rudi's shoulder  
  
"If someone had told me the first time I would visit Mongolia would be a Lord Of the Rings sized battle..."  
  
Rudi says bitterly  
  
"Not in the mood Hermann."

Adele comes close to Rudi and tells him in German, while pointing at Dean  
  
"That's what I was warning you about the other day."  
  
And Rudi can only admit she was right. Dean's essence is being destroyed with every blow and the worst part is Sam can see it. He can't even imagine what the kid is going through right now, and he feels a cold rage filling his body when he thinks about how they were all manipulated, and how they're cornered now. No one will stop An's execution. It's too late.

From what he can see, Dean doesn't strike directly at An, apparently. An is invisible, probably hidden inside the Crystal or standing on top of it, and Dean strikes at very precise points, releasing every time a tremendous energy than they can feel up all the way where they are standing.  
  
"He is destroying anchors" replies Rudi, "that's why the weapon was so complicated to make. Lucifer understood God was body linked - soul-linked, light-linked, whatever - to his crystal. The Blade is made to cut light bonds with the strongest dark energy possible."  
  
Adele slowly nods  
  
"If it was not so frightening I would say Lucifer is a very, very accomplished warlock."  
  
Another blow sends a powerful wave of power and Rudi says  
  
"He is. If I were a Fae I could think he's the perfect replacement for An."  
  
Adele stares at him  
  
"You're not saying..."  
  
Rudi looks somber  
  
"I'm afraid I am."

 

***

When Castiel sees Dean's body collapsing on the ground, his first move was  to run to help him. But before he could do anything, Gabriel caught his wrist and told him not to move. Castiel listened, but after his friend emerged disfigured from the dark cloud and started attacking Eden's crystal, Castiel tried to shove his friend's hand away and to cross the invisibility shield.  
  
"Something's just happened to Dean Gabriel I need..."  
  
He sees something in the other angel's eyes, determination tarnished with a little shame, and Castiel understands he knows. Whatever is happening to Dean, he knows what it is.  
  
"Tell me! Tell me what's happening!"  
  
A more and more powerful wind starts to blow and the other Gods build a barrier to protect themselves, combining their different powers. Gabriel drags Castiel behind it and says  
  
"He's going to kill An Castiel, that's our only chance."  
  
Castiel shoves his hand away  
  
"What?"  
  
Gadreel explains to him how the Mark of Cain needed to be completed and Castiel hisses  
  
"You lied to me!"  
  
Hannah says  
  
"For Heaven's sake Castiel! A single human can't be worth the sacrifice of an entire planet!"  
  
Castiel yells  
  
"Who do you think I am? You think I don't know that? You think he doesn't after all he's been through? What's going to happen to him once it's done? He's going to die right?"  
  
Gabriel looks embarrassed and Castiel continues  
  
"He had a few hours to say goodbye and you robbed him from it. You robbed..."  
  
He looks away and then says  
  
"How do you even know that?"  
  
Gabriel replies  
  
"The Gods knew. From Death and the Reapers. They have an informant."  
  
Castiel has a sad laugh  
  
"Brilliant."  
  
Gadreel tries  
  
"Castiel, the Winchester have a history of putting themselves first. We couldn't risk..."  
  
Castiel glares at him  
  
"I admire your pragmatism."

And walks a few feet away. He can't take the risk to expose them by crossing the shield, even if he can feel Sam's pain. He shares it. He's never really known what he exactly felt for Dean, but seeing his essence being destroyed and being powerless is the most painful thing he's ever experienced.

***

 

Behind the invisibility curtain, Morrighan is standing in front of the Reapers, with Death, Aaron and Logan at her side. Logan can only witness what she explained him the night before. The Blade is separating An from the Crystal, short-circuiting An's kamikaze strategy.  
  
"If An linked himself to the crystal, and everything shows that he did, then trying to kill him will result in destroying Eden's crystal. Now you have seen the power of those things. If it's destroyed, the energy released could turn the Earth into a dead stone"  
  
Morrighan paused  
  
"An won't leave what he considers to be his creation to his greatest enemy. He will leave him a pile of gravel, and the loss of Eden's crystal means the downfall of Avalon"  
  
Logan looked appalled  
  
"I've never been much of a believer but man...", he coughed, "so Dean's Blade can kill him, right?"  
  
Morrighan nodded  
  
"Yes. It has to. An has lost the little sanity he had left and he needs to disappear. And..."  
  
She turns to Aaron, who added  
  
"An's spells are not completely revoked as long as he is alive. The one separating us from the Lifestream, and from a great source of our power is among them. Once An dies, we will be one again."  
  
Logan asked  
  
"What kind of power?"  
  
"Life. The power of creation. That Force has always been powerful in spite of An's control, but once it will be free... Death and Life will be reunited and form just one being."  
  
"And what can this... being do?"  
  
Aaron smiled  
  
"Everything.", he pauses, "and we Reapers will be reunited without Light counterparts, regaining our four wings and everything the angels stole."  
  
Logan asked  
  
"Four wings?"  
  
"Two dark ones, two light ones. A hand to bring a soul into a new born's body, the other to cut the string of life. As it used to be. As it should be."  
  
Logan felt a little skeptical. He didn't have a "light counterpart", he was not as old as them. But for the first time since he had met him, he saw some light in Aaron's eyes.    
  
Morrighan said  
  
"When An is dead and you have regained you full power, our battle will be next."  
  
Logan asked  
  
"What battle?"  
  
The red Fae came closer  
  
"I wouldn't be surprised if Avalon planned to hand your planet to Lucifer in exchange for energy."  
  
Aaron sighed  
  
"Yes, I think we all agree it is a possibility."  
  
Morrighan said  
  
"Once Earth Life stream is unbound, the Faes will try to bind it again but to a new ruler. If Lucifer agrees..."  
  
Logan completed  
  
"They will let him destroy us."  
  
Morrighan added  
  
"They will help.Killing seven billions of people will give them enough energy to keep the crystals running for generations."

 

***

 

"You can go away"  
  
Vivian's eyes are ice cold. She and her army have just popped out in front of Hermann, Adele, Pawel, Theo, Rudi, Saskia and Sam and they're not exactly looking at them with friendly eyes.  
  
"This battle doesn't concern you. Turn around, go home and let us handle it."  
  
Rudi replies  
  
"You've betrayed us. You wanted to use Dean from the very beginning."  
  
Vivian stares at him with contempt  
  
"You're wrong. We found out about that Mark when we studied your friend Castiel's wound. That Blade was made to cut the ties between An and his crystal without destroying it. This is advanced magic and this man..."  
  
She says while pointing at Lucifer  
  
"This man is maybe the best wizard I have ever met. Better than An, even better than Myrddin."  
  
Hermann looks somber  
  
"A good replacement for An."  
  
Vivian looks at him with a hint of a smile  
  
"Maybe. Who would you rather have? Yourselves? As if you could."  
  
She adds  
  
"We are thankful for your help. As you see we have lost a lot of Faes to protect your... Little group from An."  
  
Rudi comes forward  
  
"Don't play that card, you deliberately sacrificed some of your people to attack Lucifer so we wouldn't suspect anything."  
  
Vivian stares at him like he's a bug  
  
"If you were accessible to reason it would not have happened."  
  
Rudi laughs thinking the Ice Bitch won't be that high and mighty when she sees who they brought with them.  
  
"You're not choosing our new master, who the hell do you think you are? We are done with the likes of you."  
  
Vivian raises an eyebrow  
  
"And I am done with dealing with apes."  
  
Before anyone can move or say anything, she raises her hand and a blue beam pierce through the shield and Rudi's heart. Saskia can't even scream as her father collapses on the ground. Vivian looks at the group  
  
"Your attempts at defying us will be met with the same punishment. We are infinitely more powerful than you. Submit and be spared. Rebel and be annihilated."  
  
Saskia runs to Rudi followed by Sam but it's too late. There's a hole in her father's chest and his eyes are opened on a void.  
  


***

 

 

Saskia is on the ground, holding her father, his blood soaking her t shirt, her skin, her hair. There is nothing she can do. The blow was too quick and too precise. She has barely heard Sam's voice, covered by the buzz in her hear when he yelled "Come forward" and the battalions of Pagan Gods and Reapers appeared, much to Vivian's surprise.  
  
Dean has struck one last time at Eden's crystal and An has finally fallen. It's just a matter of seconds before Dean kills him for good.  
  
But it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore.  
  
She just had enough strength to push Sam away when he tried to get her up. Is that what she brought on herself by invoking Hecate? Silly, silly, silly girl.    
   
She should have known. Magic comes with a price.  
  
She doesn’t feel more powerful, or different, or protected. She feels drained and sad and lost.    
  
"Do you give yourself to me?"  
  
She hears. An ethereal voice. Almost motherly, soft but strong. She opens her eyes and sees a light in the form of a young girl. Her long blond hair flow all the way to her knees and she's wearing a coat made of a wolf's fur, the animal's head on the top of hers. Her white dress is decorated with pearls, feathers and charms and she's holding a wooden scepter in her right hand.  
  
Saskia whispers  
  
"Hecate?"  
  
The girls smiles and replies  
  
"If you like."  
  
Saskia wipes her tears and says  
  
"I do."  
  
The girl takes her hand and says  
  
"Let's fulfill your wish then. Let's destroy your enemies." 

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                 


 


	47. Bright White Eyes

A murmur can be heard in the crowd behind them, and Gabriel doesn't understand what it is about. Sam has just told them to come forward and they have walked out the invisibility shield and out in the open. Castiel has of course run to Dean and they have moved just a yard before the whole group stopped walking.    
  
"Why are we stopping?"   
  
Asks Hannah. Gabriel looks around and sees Rudi on the ground. So that's why they were called, the Faes attacked. But that doesn't explain...   
  
"She's here." Says a man behind him, looking half afraid half ecstatic   
  
"Who..."   
  
Starts Gabriel, but suddenly, a powerful wave of energy hits them and they have trouble staying on their feet.   
  
"The false God has fallen!"    
  
Cheers the crowd. Down the valley, Dean, or what's left of him is facing An, now cut from his power source.   
  


  
***

 

  
Morrighan is standing in front of the Reapers battalion with Death at her side, Aaron and Logan right behind.   
  
When Logan sees Vivian shooting Rudi he can't hold back a "No!" from escaping his mouth. And when Saskia runs to her father he wants to run with her, only to be held back by Aaron.   
  
"The fuck, man?"   
  
He growls. Then he hears Sam Winchester asking them to come forward and Aaron lets go of his wrist. He glares at him and flies to Saskia, not getting why they stop moving after a few steps.

Doesn't matter, no one else will reap her father's soul.    
  
 

  
  
*** 

  
   
  
Castiel is running as fast as he can towards Dean, shooting every fae he sees with powerful energy waves. He doesn't exactly understand what his new power is, but it's effective and deadly. When he finally reaches him, Dean is barely recognizable, and the now fallen An has the appearance of an old, very old man, who can barely stand up.   
  
Since the battalions of Gods and Reapers have revealed themselves, the Faes army has been moving to attack them, and Castiel could only pass through because of their initial confusion. Now they're forming a line to protect the crystals and he realizes that if he hasn't been killed yet, it's just a matter of seconds before the order is given, all the more since Lucifer is close too, waiting for his old foe to be finally defeated.   
  
An screams with the voice of a mad man   
  
"I am your God! I created you! Kneel! Kneel!"   
  
There is something pathetic and almost sad in his refusal to see his end is near. He has nothing to fight back. He has been living on a stolen Light for millenia, and now he is dying from being cut from his power source. Castiel realizes Dean doesn't have to kill him. An is going to die from this, his soul was linked to the crystal and so was his body. It was just like when the angels were dying from burning Graces. The Grace he stole, Michael's Grace is slowly leaving his body, being reclaimed by the crystal. He is going to die so Dean doesn't have to...   
  
An has fallen on the ground and Dean stares at him like a vulture.   
  
"Dean!"   
  
Says Castiel, and Dean doesn't seem to hear him   
  
"Dean you don't have to do this! He will die anyway!"   
  
Someone shoots Castiel in the leg and he falls, still calling,   
  
"Dean, I beg you!"   
  
 

  
  
***   
  
 

  
  
He doesn't exactly know how to say this, how to help. Saskia is curled up on the ground and she's doesn't respond to anything.   
  
"Kay, Kay please talk to me..."   
  
Sam Winchester has been trying to talk to her too, his face is covered with tears and he repeats "Saskia, you need to protect yourself, please?", but she keeps pushing him away just making strangled sounds.   
  
"Sam listen, your people need you, your brother needs you", Logan begins, "let me take care of her."   
  
Sam doesn't look please with the idea, but he quickly glances at the battlefield and he sees that the battle between An and Dean is almost finished. The moment An is dead the fight for the possession of the Earth is going to begin. Sam quickly wipes his eyes    
  
"Okay, okay... keep her safe all right?"   
  
Logan nods, "I will", he says, and Sam tells Saskia he will be back, but she doesn't seem to hear him. Logan gets a little closer   
  
"Kay, let me take him all right?"   
  
And he feels Saskia's burning skin under his fingers. He gently pushes her and she sits on the ground, her father's hand in hers, and a blank, traumatized expression on her face.    
  
Logan can see the silver string of Rudi's life and he gently holds it in his left hand before taking his knife in his right one. Saskia seems now to be talking on her own, and he will really need to take her out this place the moment he's done.   
  
But the moment his knife is going to cut the string, Saskia's hand is holding his wrist and her skin is now ice cold. He can hear some cheers coming from around him, "The false God is dead!", "We are free!" and he guesses Dean has probably killed An. But that's not what he worries about.    
  
Saskia is smiling. And he doesn't know how but she can see the string, she can even touch it with her finger and make it glow.   
  
"Kay?"   
  
He can see white flames surrounding her, or are these energy waves? Suddenly, a dark smoke surrounds them and Saskia swallows it all.    
  
When she opens her eyes, both are bright white.   
  
 

  
*** 

  
   
  
"So these are our last moments together?"   
  
Death smiles and nods. This is strange. He has thought about being reunited with Life for millions of years, and now...   
  
"Yes. I hope you will be able to bring peace to your world Morrighan. In the meantime, please follow her, follow her lead."   
  
Morrighan takes his hand   
  
"I hope she is as strong as you say, this... Goddess."   
  
"She is. We are. And our prophecy showed us who would be our vessel, who she would chose. And her choice could not be better."   
  
The red Fae looks at Saskia, right below, surrounded by a growing energy.   
  
"When I think they believed we were after their prophet."   
  
Says Death, sighing. That's her they had always wanted. To keep her safe, until the Goddess would reclaim her. But there was no need, she was already safe and protected. The Goddess didn't need their help and the evidence is right in front of them.   
  
Death's body begins to dissolve in a dark cloud, and his last words are   
  
"Follow her lead"   
  
Morrighan promises she will.   
  
 

  
  
***   
  
 

  
  
An has fallen but Dean hasn't killed him. Castiel has been shot several times, as if the Faes were playing with him, playing with his pain. But it's fine. Dean's soul is still intact.   
  
His body on the other hand...   
  
The minute An died, his body turning into dust quickly swallowed by the ground, Dean began to howl and fell on the grass, holding his right arm as if he were suffering a thousand deaths.    
  
Cas crawled near him, and Dean almost stabbed him in madness. His arm began to profusely bleed black blood, or fluid, and the moment this blood touched the ground, the grass withered and died. After a few seconds, Dean's right arm went back to normal and he could finally let the First Blade go. The Blade was now just an old bone and it shattered in a hundred pieces as Dean finally lied down. He was crying black tears, as if his eyes were cleared of all the darkness, and the green finally resurfaced, he told Cas   
  
"I heard you."   
  
His mouth dark with black blood, and breathing with difficulty.    
  
They are both going to die here, on this Mongolian grass, under a sky so blue Cas would gladly let it swallow him if Dean comes along.   
  
 

  
*** 

  
   
  
Logan puts his knife down. The woman in front of him is clearly not Saskia. She's playing with Rudi's life as if she were playing the harp. And there is a little boy near her. A dark haired, maybe eight or nine years old kid.    
  
He know who this child is and he doesn't want...   
  
"Hold my hand"   
  
Says the child, and Logan remembers what Andy used to say about Andrea driving him mad. This is him. This is him before Ava, before his mother died.    
  
"Kangee..."   
  
The kid whispers, "crow" in Lakota, the nickname his mother gave him because he was so dark haired and dark eyed for a white passing boy. He remembers back then it was pretty much the only name he was called by but he hasn't heard it in decades.  
  
Is that what Aaron was talking about? His "light self"? He had almost forgotten how he was back then, when his mother was still alive, sheltering him from the camp's violence with her dozens of stories about wise bears and mysterious wolves. He had never fully understood how she had fallen in love with Rick, maybe she had not, maybe she was just like Ellen, fleeing something and finding refuge in a man's arms, a man who worshipped her.    
  
But she loved her son, she loved him enough to carry him into the world even though she knew it would cost her life. There was so much light in his heart back then, such room for hope and plans for the future, when he dreamt about building a big house for his mother to live in, hidden in the forest, far away from the camp.   
  
"Come home..."   
  
Logan crouches and looks at the child. He has bright eyes, not tarnished by abuse and sorrow, he seems wise beyond his years. He understand he has always been a Crow, a messenger, someone made to stand in between the worlds. He is exactly where he belongs.   
  
The child takes his hand and walks inside of him, and suddenly it's like his heart is lightened up by years of forgotten love. Two bright white wings of pure light appear in his back, and when he finally comes back to his senses, he knows who's the woman in front of him.   
  
"Bring me the blue Fae"   
  
She says, and Logan instantly obeys.    
  
 

  
  
***   
  
 

  
  
Sam runs the fastest he can, and the only thought he can sustain is "out of my way". He knows Saskia told him a long time ago that the dark side of empathy was mind control, but right now, he doesn't care if he's going dark. Rudi's dead, Dean is dying, so either the Faes his way or he makes them claw each other's eyes. That's how mad he is.    
  
He didn't even check with the coven what they were supposed to do. He doesn't think the covens need him as a leader or something. They have Hermann, Adele, and all the European coven nobility so for now he can focus on Dean. God that's selfish. But he can't just let him...   
  
He doesn't see behind him the bright light towards which the Faes and Lucifer are looking, his mind only focused on Dean.    
  
When he arrives, his brother is agonizing on the ground, as is Castiel, who's resting on Meg's lap. Meg is silently crying, while running her fingers in the angel's hair, and Sam is so shocked he can't even say a word of comfort.    
  
"His soul... is... whole... Sam..."   
  
Sam breaks down crying and thanks Castiel before turning to Dean who whispers a weak   
  
"Heya Sammy... "   
  
Sam puts his brother's head on his lap and says   
  
"You're gonna be okay..."   
  
While wiping the dark fluid out of his eyes and lips with his shirt. Dean smiles a little   
  
"No I won't.... But I'm glad... I'm glad I can see you before I leave..."   
  
Sam doesn't even recognize his own voice when he begs   
  
"You can't, you can't leave me!"   
  
 

  
***   
  
 

  
  
Castiel is a honorable moron but there's something almost heroic in his never ending love for Dean Winchester. Meg has followed him of course, he probably never realized how much the former demon considered him his salvation, and now the only thing he has to offer her is witnessing his death.   
  
Gabriel sighs.    
  
"Why aren't we moving?"   
  
Asks Hannah, looking around at the other Gods.    
  
"We're waiting for orders"   
  
Says a tall blond warrior woman beside her, introducing herself as Sigyn. Gabriel turns to her, visibly uneasy, and Sigyn adds   
  
"Hello husband."   
  
Hannah looks disgusted and Gadriel laughs   
  
"Husband?"   
  
"Long story", cuts Gabriel, before asking, "whose orders?"   
  
Sigyn points at Saskia and replies   
  
"Freyja's"   
  
 

  
***   
  
 

  
  
Bringing back Vivian was surprisingly easy. Logan's wings make him fly at the speed of thought and the Fae didn't even notice she had been taken before she was thrown on the floor at Saskia's feet.   
  
Saskia doesn’t even look at her, and she tells Logan   
  
"Tell your brothers and sisters time has come to reclaim our home. Bring Lady Morrighan to the white crystal and kill every hostile fae. The Gods will assist you."   
  
Logan nods and flies to the Reapers, while Vivian gets back on her feet and glares at Saskia with absolute hate and contempt.   
  
"You really think your little army can push us away?"   
  
She hisses, blue bolts appearing around her hands and arms   
  
"You really think you have enough power? Do not fool yourself. You are just a witch, you cannot compare."  
  
Saskia smiles and in a second, her hand is inside Vivian's chest and her eyes become bright yellow.   
  
"You see, this vessel I have chosen... is not a shell, she has a soul, she has wishes, and she has powers."   
  
Vivian can't speak, but her eyes shows she has just understood who is in front of her. Her skin shows sign of aging, first subtle, then very visible, as her mouth is open in a silent scream.   
  
"And we both want you dead, you old parasite."   
  
She adds, while taking her hand out, a blue ball of light in her palm. Vivian's body collapses on the floor and Saskia kneels close to Rudi.   
  
"She will be happy if you live"   
  
She whispers, while pushing the light into Rudi's chest. The wound closes and Rudi breathes again before completely waking up. He's going to hug Saskia, but when he sees the white-eyed and covered in blood woman in front of him he can only say   
  
"Oh my God what have you done?"   
  
 

  
*** 

  
   
  
Adele is holding her father's hand as they both just witnessed Saskia's transformation and Rudi's resuscitation.   
  
"Mein Gott..."   
  
She says, and Theo asks   
  
"What... what happened auntie?"   
  
Hermann gulps   
  
"Saskia... I think Saskia invoked the Goddess..."   
  
Adele whispers   
  
"This is forbidden magic, this is....impossible..."   
  
An elderly female voice completes   
  
"This will save us all"   
  
The old woman smiles   
  
"Violet Croft, doyenne of the Croft Coven."   
  
Hermann glares at her   
  
"I know who you are. This will kill my grand daughter. No body is strong enough to bear the essence of the Goddess. The only reason she is not dead by now is because she's a healer."   
  
Violet Croft doesn't apologize but instead says   
  
"Then your grand daughter has the courage of a thousand of my sons and grandsons."   
  
Hermann laughs sadly   
  
"I know that, and so had my daughter."   
  
Violet clenches her fists   
  
"Mr Scholl, if you hadn't slammed my grandson's car in a tree I would have probably done it myself. As for what happened to Theodora, that's what made me go out of my retreat and take back my place as head of the Coven."   
  
She coughs   
  
"I am 124 years old, Mr Scholl. I should be drinking tea and watching reruns of Murder, She Wrote. Instead I am here, with my coven, and I am telling you we will all follow your grand daughter."   
  
Hermann nods   
  
"She was probably chosen at birth and... I am, we are all honored to follow her lead" 

She pauses

"I am beyond grateful and if we survive this, I will be very interested in hearing about your research on special children"

  
  
***

  
  
Sam's eyes are swollen with tears and he feels drained. Castiel has just passed away, and Meg is gripping his trench coat, unable to control her tears. Sam thinks he could probably let himself die here, what would it change?    
  
Dean's breathing is gradually slowing down, and he reaches for Sam's face before whispering   
  
"I love you..."   
  
Sam replies   
  
"Wait for me..."   
  
Trying his best to smile, and Dean's eyes become empty. Sam has been there many times and every time he feels his heart being torn into pieces. He lies down next to Dean, holding him close to his heart, and closes his eyes.   
  
"Sam."   
  
He hears. The voice is recognizable but the tone is strange   
  
"Saskia?" he asks, but the woman in front of him has only her appearance. She kneels close to Dean and him and says   
  
"She wishes she could help. But your brother's body was damaged by the weapon he was carrying."   
  
Sam nods, trying to control his tears   
  
"His soul is intact, and he will be carried into the Lifestream and there he will wait for you."   
  
"I know he will"   
  
He says, thinking he won't have to wait for long. Saskia stares at him with her bright white eyes and she says   
  
"In the meantime, would you help us destroy our enemies?"   
  
While pressing her palm on Sam's chest. Sam feels his heart ache, and then burn with some kind of fire. What does he feel... anger? No, rage. Absolute rage.  
  
Every single moment of his life when he felt sad, lonely or afraid comes back to his mind, along with the feeling of injustice and loss. The pain is almost unbearable and makes him wish it would all stop, that his heart would just stop beating and...   
  
Suddenly it does.   
  
He doesn't feel anything anymore except...   
  
Meg stares at him and whispers "oh god..."   
  
Sam's eyes are white, and he wears a frightening smile on his face.   
  
"Absolutely", he says, while getting up. He takes Saskia's hand and they both walk towards Eden's crystal.   
  


Behind them, Gods, Witches and Reapers finally attack.   
  
 


	48. The New Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the delay! Someone stole my computer (for real!) with the last chapters in it. It tried to rewrite the ending because I felt like I owed you guys a proper one. I also had a hard time letting Saskia go, so maybe she'll have another story! Who knows? Would you like it?
> 
> Anyway thank you so much for your support!

_"Do you want to go back?"_

The voice is crystal clear and pierces the white void. Everything is so bright. It should be blinding but it's not, on the contrary this light engulfs her like a warm and comforting blanket. She finally feels at home, safe, loved, like she belongs.

" _If you don't, you can stay here with us"_

She says/thinks she doesn't know and she can feel the voice understands. She slips into a state of sleep and absolute awakening. She cannot comprehend how long it lasts. Maybe two seconds, two centuries or two million years. And when she finally opens her eyes she's standing in a beautiful meadow. Unreal butterflies turn around her and there are magnificent flowers growing everywhere. In the middle of it she can see a little cottage, and in front of it, a young red haired woman waiting for her, arms wide open.

_"Mama!!"_

She cries, running the fastest she can. And as she runs, her body de-ages until she's just a ten year old hugging her mommy tight. Rose falls on her knees and holds her daughter in a tight embrace

_"My little girl..."_

She says, several times in between kisses and tears. Saskia doesn't remember having been ever hugged like this by her mother but now it doesn't matter. This one makes everything okay. This one soothes every moment of her past.

_"I'm so proud of you Saskia, so proud"_

A male voice, with tears in its words says

_"I'm proud too"_

Saskia raises her head. There's a man standing in the threshold, young, maybe twenty five. He has long bangs of chestnut hair, green eyes and freckles. She's seen him before, on an old picture, he is...

_"Dad?"_

She grows back to her original size and age and walks towards him. Until know she had never realized she had outlived her father, and seeing how young he is breaks her heart. She slowly hugs him

_"I'm so happy to meet you"_

William holds his grown up daughter and Rose joins them. Soon Saskia is overwhelmed by sobs and her parents guide her inside. The house is exactly how she imagines an English cottage. The furniture is old and charming, and on the coffee table there is a smoking teapot and a set of flowery cups.

_"I thought you'd want a nice cuppa"_

Says William, expertly pouring tea in a cup

_"Milk and sugar?"_

Saskia doesn't dare telling him she's more of a coffee drinker. She imagines this is what her childhood should have looked like. Going home during chilly afternoons to warm up with some English tea. She sips a little of the hot and sweet beverage sat between her parents. She listens to her mother thanking her for saving her and asking for her forgiveness.

_"I think I should have followed my first intuition... You know when you were very little, right after at Rudi's... I read a poem in his Rilke anthology..."_

Saskia smiles

_"As Once the Winged Energy of Delight"_

Rose is surprised "You know it?"

Saskia recites

_"As once the winged energy of delight carried you over childhood's dark abysses, now beyond your own life build the great arch of unimagined bridges. Wonders happen if we can succeed in passing through the harshest danger; but only in a bright and purely granted achievement can we realize the wonder. To work with Things in the indescribable relationship is not too hard for us; the pattern grows more intricate and subtle, and being swept along is not enough. Take your practiced powers and stretch them out until they span the chasm between two contradictions...For the god wants to know himself in you"_

She adds

_"I have you journal. Pivnik kept it."_

Rose smiles

_"When I read it, my first thought was 'this is her, this is my daughter'. I thought I had  birthed a God, or someone strong enough to be a god"_

She laughs

_"Rudi agreed, of course. He said we couldn't understand Life's decisions, that maybe everything that had happened, happened for a reason. That Life had a purpose for you. He said that poem was a vision, that we needed to 'stretch your practiced powers'…"_

She pauses, looking a little sad

_"To him we had to put you under a higher protection, Life's protection. Make you strong enough to fight the demon, to give you literally the strength of a God."_

Saskia nods

_"He told me. So the whole thing about the Goddess..."_

_"Was his idea, originally."_

Rose takes Saskia's hand

 _"I was weak. I was afraid. What would happen if the Demon was to reclaim you? What if you were not strong enough to fight him and you ended up being his vessel into this world?_ "

Tears fill Rose's eyes

_"The dark witches who performed the ritual were the first to tell me my child would be a God. And they told me to rejoice."_

Saskia says

_"Mom... Mom listen. You were a very young girl with a scary kid. You tried to protect me, you did the best you could."_

Roses begins to cry

_"I didn't love you enough, not like you deserved and I exposed you to dreadful..."_

Saskia hugs her tight

_"I forgive you. It's over Mama, okay? I survived. And now we're together."_

Rose gently caresses her cheek

_"You want to stay here?"_

Saskia nods and she feels her eyes burn. William sits a little closer

_"You still have so much to do darling."_

Saskia mutters

_"Wh...what?"_

He pauses

_"They need you down there Saskia. Sam, Rudi... they all need you."_

Saskia doesn't know what to say.

_"I'm... dead Dad. I felt my body being destroyed. There's nothing left of me there."_

Rose gets up

_"You are the Winged Energy sweetheart, you don't live by the same set of rules."_

And William adds

_"This place will still be here, with us, when you come back."_

Saskia's eyes are filled with tears

_"But I want to stay with you..."_

Rose hugs her again

_"And us with you. "_

Saskia holds her mother for dear life, and Rose adds

_"We will be reunited sweetheart, when the time is right."_

In a broken voice. Slowly, the house fades to white and Saskia is alone in some huge bright white room. She's wearing her everyday clothes, old jeans, combat boots, white tank top and a tight perfecto. Wait. These were the clothes she used to wear when she was...

" _Kay..."_

Sixteen.

Logan is in front of her, looking just like himself and in some ways much different. She slowly approaches him and instantly sees what's changed. He's in peace. She gently holds his wrist that used to be covered with cuts and burns, now strangely soft and pale, like a child's.

_"Look at that, I'm brand new."_

He says, in a smile. Saskia doesn't think more and hugs him, burying her face in his shirt. He even smells different. Not like cigarette, weed, cheap cologne and sweat, more like... Something she can't define and that is definitely him.

_"I'm here to take you back."_

He says, while holding her closer. She grips his shirt and replies

_"Come back with me..."_

Logan gently pushes her back.

_"Why?"_

Maybe it's because she's just like her teenage self, or maybe it's because this place is halfway accross reality but here she can speak her mind

_"Because I need you."_

Logan tucks her loose bangs behind her ear

_"You'll be just fine."_

Saskia firmly grabs his hand

_"Because I love you."_

Logan looks confused and she doesn't let him a second to protest.

_"I don't know why. I've never known why. But I do. I love you, I want to see you smile, I want to see what I have always seen in you, what nothing in this world could bring out before."_

Logan smiles with something that looks like nostalgia

_"Saskia... I'm just a ghost from your past, look at yourself..."_

Saskia closes her eyes and turns back into her adult self. In a now deeper voice, she says

_"You're not. Tell me... Tell me what you want, tell me what would make you happy... If it's being a Light spirit, if it's being a Guardian, standing between our two worlds then I'll leave you in peace but..."_

_"I love you"_

He says and words start pouring like a too long restrained river

_"We met at the worst moment possible and I've been nothing but an asshole to you... I wish I'd understood you could have been my salvation, my way out, my chance at a better life... And I could have been yours, I could have got you out of the camp, of exploitation and fear and..."_

Saskia interrupts him

_"I saved myself as you saved yourself. Andy was your second chance Lo. You saw things in him no one had ever seen. And you saved him._

"She gets closer

_"What do you want?"_

Logan doesn't answer. He closes his eyes and Saskia lightly kisses him

_"I want to be your Guardian."_

Saskia whispers

_"What?"_

He smiles

_"I'll keep you safe. As I should have when I was alive. And when you come back here..."_

He kisses her forehead

_"When you come back here, if you still want me, we'll go on the other side together."_

Saskia frowns to hold back her tears

_"See you in another life Kay"_

***

 

Sam is lying on the thick grass of his childhood house in Lawrence. Of course none of this is real. He knows he's creating everything with his mind and being aware of it made him able to create a giant willow tree just one minute ago. This frontyard have always needed some shade, right? Right. Dean is lying right beside him and his hand rests in Sam's, warm, soft, perfect and exactly where it should be.

_"That was some epic final boss dude."_

He says, and it makes Sam laughs

_"Yeah. Nothing like the feeling of my body being shattered into atoms but it was worth it. The witch is dead."_

Dean replies _"Ding dong!"_

And Sam burst out laughing while rolling on his brother, and kisses him while still smiling

_"I want to stay here with you forever and ever and ever and ev..."_

Sam feels like child, carefree and his heart bursting with love. They have been in this yard for an eternity or two and Sam will never get tired of it. Dean rolls on his side and caresses his face

_"Sammy..."_

Sam sees in his eyes something he doesn't want to see, and he can just frown and look back, hoping he won't say

_"I wish you..."_

_"Don't say it. Don't say it Dean I'm fucking begging you."_

Sam gets up and Dean follows him until they're both under the willow tree.

_"You still have so much to do Sammy..."_

Sam cries

 _"I've done enough!"_ , then collapses on the ground, reverting back to his fifteen year old self, holding his head and being overwhelmed by sobs

 _"I want out Dee! I want out..."_ A warm hand caresses his hair and a female voice says _"My baby boy..."_ Sam raises his eyes and Mary is right in front of him. Sam lets her hold him and lightly rock him

_"I'm so proud of you Sammy, so proud... But this isn't your time yet."_

Sam tries to hold back the tears

_"I can't Mom. I can't do it alone..."_

Dean kneels in front of him

_"You will never be alone little brother. And I will wait for you right here until your time comes. "_

Mary adds _"And I'll be there too."_ And a deep voice says the same. John.

_"Dad?"_

John sits close to his son and he looks different. Maybe younger, at least well rested and with much kinder eyes than Sam remembers.

_"I should have seen in you what they all have. I will never apologize enough for what I did to you Sammy. "_

Sam keeps silent, just nodding, not used to hear his father pronounce a single word of excuse. Sam slowly turns back to his adult self while his fathers tells him he loves him. This is what he should have had. This is what he has always wanted. All the people he has ever loved are here. His parents, Dean but also Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Jess...

_"You have a whole life ahead of you Sammy"_

Says Dean while gently caressing his cheek. Sam holds his hand

_"If you're not with me... What kind of life is that?"_

Sam breaks down crying

_"I've spent my life praying for seeing the day we'd be finally out. You and me and now..."_

Dean kisses him and Sam isn't even shocked his parents are near. It's like he can feel what Rudi told him long ago, Dean has not always been his brother. They have been together for a much longer time than a single life.

_"And we'll be together again."_

Says Dean.

Sam whispers "I love you" and takes Dean's hand while the garden fades to white. When he opens his eyes, Dean is with him in a big white room and a familiar silhouette wearing a trench coat approaches. Cas hugs the brothers dearly and tells Sam he's here to bring him back.

_"Come back with me..."_

He pleads, gripping Dean's shirt, tears filling his eyes.

Dean says

_"I love you Sam, always have, always will."_

Sam gets closer

_"Then come with me. Don't you want to?"_

Dean smiles

_"Of course I want to."_

He kisses Sam before he can say another word.

_"Please Cas... Please... Don't..."_

He pleads. Cas has a sad look on his face and he says

_"It's not my decision Sam... "_

Sam feels a little calmer, resigned maybe. Something inside himself tells him that what's happening is right, as unfair as it may seem.

He sighs _"I know"_

Cas hugs him and Sam feels he radiates peace

_"I chose to become a Guardian. Yours as a matter of fact. I promised your brother I would watch over you and I will make sure you live a long and happy life"_

Dean pats Cas on the shoulder and hugs Sam

_"I will wait for you right here. And when the time is right, we will go into the light together."_

Sam can't answer, only nod

_"And maybe our next life will be just a long holiday Sammy."_

He adds, kissing him again.

His I Iove yous vanish in a flash of light.

***

 

Seagulls. Laughing seagulls. It's been a long time since Saskia has heard that sound. She breathes in deeply, eyes still closed, and she can smell sea salt and iodin. She's by the ocean, that smells like... She opens her eyes. Everything is white and blurry and it takes her some time to accomodate. This place is definitely familiar it's... Holy fuck. She's in her house in North Kingston.

She tries to move and every bone and muscle in her body feels sore. She pushes the blanket away and gets on her feet. She's wearing white unknown PJs and someone has left a pair of slippers near her bed. Is this one of these bad science fiction movies where everything was just a dream? Is Mike her former fiancé cooking his Sunday pancakes down in the kitchen? Already tired by the effort she slowly walks down the stairs, to the kitchen where she can here the radio is on.

When she arrives she can only say

_"Dad?"_

When Rudi hears his name, he turns around from the stove and runs to his daughter, holding her almost too tight and repeating endlessly

_"Thank God"._

Saskia hugs him back after the initial moment of shock and she asks

_"How am I still alive?"_

Rudi laughs

_"Don't know, don't care! Oh dear lord this is a fucking miracle!"_

A female voice says

_"Oh mein liebchen..."_

Adele looks much better than the last time she saw her. First she dyed her hair blond which suits her much better and she looks... Sane.

_"You are awake... I had almost lost hope..."_

Saskia hugs her

_"Lost hope? How long was I out?"_

Adele wipes her eyes

_"It's been a year my love."_

Saskia sits down

_"A year? The last thing I remember is walking towards Eden's crystal and... briefly regaining consciousness when I saw Sam die and then... I felt my body... Shattering."_

Rudi whispers _"We saw you both die..."_

He's obviously still shaken up by the memory.

_"You and Sam walked towards Eden's crystal and nothing... Nothing could touch you two."_

Rudi sits down, his eyes slowly filling with tears. It's been a year already and he remembers the scene as if it had just happened.

Saskia's body was radiating with energy. She was holding Sam's hand, and her power was also shining through him. Rudi felt stabbed by guilt with the sudden realization of what was happening there. She was Life's vessel. That's what he had thought all along, since she was just a baby. And as appealing as it could seem when it was still one of his crazy theories, now it felt heart wrenching. There was no way she would survive this. He was witnessing his daughter's final moments.

At that point he understood he wouldn't survive losing her and ran after them. Not to stop them, he knew it was no use, but to be there, until the last moment, until he'd be swallowed by the blast.

_"Adele followed me and no one tried to stop us. The warlocks, Gods and Reapers were protecting you and Sam, so also protecting us... And some of the Faes stopped fighting when they saw Morrighan walking with you"_

Indeed some Faes seemed to recognized the red haired queen and began to chant her name.

_"It made the blond one... Maev, appear, and she..."_

Adele holds Rudi's hand

_"She tried to kill us first."_

Saskia shouts _"What?"_

_"You shielded us with... A light... So strong... She burnt alive when she touched it. But Anael and Hannah were close by and they were killed by Maev's followers..."_

After that, more Faes stopped fighting while Oberon, Myrrdin, and above all Lucifer were trying to fight back.

_"You... Beamed us far from the crystal, to protect us I guess. So everything that happened next, I saw from afar."_

Explains Rudi

_"Morrighan did a spell that tied you to Eden's crystal, the same way An was. And when he saw that, Lucifer tried to attack you"._

Saskia was levitating in front of the crystal, silver strings tying her shakras to the mineral's energy. When a ray of dark light shot from the Monolith and killed all the people in its way, whether friends or foes, Rudi screamed.

_"It stopped right in front of you. You said... Life said... With a voice that could make mountains tremble... You said 'begone' and you sent it right back at Lucifer's bride."_

Kimaris's body shattered in a million pieces in front of Lucifer.

The cry of the demon was terrifying and pitiful at the same time and he started firing back.

_"We were so far back we couldn't see anything... The Faes began to retreat to avoid being caught in the crossfire..."_

_"What about their king?"_

Rudi laughs _"Myrddin tried to force them to fight and he was killed by his own troops. More and more were joining Morrighan and at some point they must have ceased Oberon, because when the fire stopped, he was on his knees, in front of the redhead."_

When the fire stopped, the Monolith was still untouched, and Lucifer, unharmed.

_"That's when we saw Sam."_

Adele explains

_"He had been hidden in the crystal's aura from quite some time and when he went out he was radiating light"_

Saskia feels tears coming to her eyes.

_"I... Used him... To exorcise the Monolith... Didn't I?"_

Adele takes her hand

_"That connection you had... It saved the world."_

A ray of pure light emerged from Sam's chest and hit the Monolith in full force, while Lucifer was still linked to it. The energy was so strong that people had to flee.

_"All of us, warlocks, faes, reapers, gods... We had to retreat behind the same shield. A few minutes before, we were enemies but this force, this power... It drew us together."_

Explains Rudi.

Sam and Saskia were screaming. An out of this world scream, something primal that sounded like an earthquake. Lucifer tried to fight it, and a crater formed around and below the Monolith. Sam and Saskia's roar became louder, or maybe that was the thunderstorm forming above the battlefield that resonated like a planet sized drum.

_"Suddenly everything stopped"_

Says Adele

_"The Monolith was surrounded by light and... All the dust and sand and... Particules remained suspended in mid air. There was not a single sound to be heard and it lasted for maybe a minute."_

 

Rudi says _"I understood the exorcism was starting to work and I told everyone to strenghten their defenses"_

Adele smiles at him

_"A very good call. Because a second after the Monolith exploded and there was that light... And that blast... Like a nuclear explosion. At some point I thought we wouldn't be strong enough"_

Rudi nods

_"And the light was so blinding we couldn't see a thing. When it stopped, when the light came back to normal and the dust started to dissipate you were both lying there..."_

Saskia asks

_"Both?"_

And Rudi says, smiling

_"You and Sam"_

Saskia gasps and tears come to her eyes. She realizes she has maybe listened to 1% of their story. She was convinced she had killed him by asking him to help her, and relief hits her like a wave. She runs, as much as she can, to the room next to hers and Sam is here, in a too small bed, slowly breathing. She sits on the edge of the bed and takes his hand

_"Sam..."_

She says, tears falling from her eyes.

_"Sorry I couldn't save Dean..."_

She feels so guilty. All that power and all she could do was...

_"You saved him..."_

Sam says, with a sore voice.

_"Saw him there..."_

Saskia jumps in his arms and Sam holds her tight

_"So glad you're okay..."_

She tells him the same and they both remain in each other's arms until Sam feels strong enough to sit up on his own. She turns to Rudi, eyes filled with tears

_"That's the first thing you should have told me!"_

Rudi kneels close to her and hugs her, while apologizing

_"I thought you knew, dearest, it could only be you who did that."_

Saskia sobs _"It wasn't me"_

He hugs her closer

_"Then who was it?"_

She whispers

_"Life."_

***

 

_"We buried them here. I thought you would agree..."_

Saskia nods

_"I do."_

Rudi, Adele, Sam and Saskia are standing in front of two graves, in a little field by the sea that used to belong to Nan. It was supposed to be for her son, so he could build his home here, but he never claimed it.

 _"We had Dean's journal, his amulet and some earth we collected back there and..."_ Rudi stops talking when Sam kneels on the ground, his body shaking with the sobs he tries to repress.

_"We'll leave you a minute"_

Says Rudi, while walking back with Adele.

 _"Do you want me to leave too?"_ Sam shakes his head and Saskia sits close to him.

_"I begged him to come back with me and when I woke up I thought..."_

Saskia gently strokes his arm

_"I know..."_

Sam looks surprised and Saskia adds

_"I saw my parents... My mom... I met my dad... It felt so natural and right... To be with them... They told me they'd wait for me there... But I wanted to stay."_

She doesn't talk about Logan, Rudi says that after the battle he said goodbye, take good care of her, and he disappeared with the other Reapers. The Faes left with Morrighan, who took what remained of Eden's crystal and closed all the accesses to Earth. Her plan was to dismantle the crystals system, which would probably destroy Avalon's magic. Since it meant decline, Morrighan thought destroying the portals leading to Earth would prevent any other attempt to invade Earth, and no one had heard anything from the former angels since the battle.

Sam hugs her

_"I'm sorry..."_

_"I lost them long ago... It doesn't compare to you losing your brother Sam..."_

Sam tries to smile to hold back his tears

_"It's just... The last ten years have been... A constant fight against him dying and I had hoped... "_

He closes his eyes

_"I hoped one day we would retire somewhere and..."_

He breaks down crying and Saskia holds him back

_"You're not alone Sam, you'll never be alone again, I promise you. I'll help you get through this, we're family you remember?"_

Sam mumbles, his face hidden in her neck

_"Yeah... Thank God for that..."_

Saskia smiles

_"Well, not exactly."_

Sam chuckles and sits back on the ground, looking at the grave with longing

_"The worst part is... After everything we've done, I know that if it weren't for you, and how happy he was up there, I'd be trying to have him back."_

Saskia smiles

_"Don't be too hard on yourself. We're not at war, no one will ask you to move on in a week or to be ready for what's next. What's next is up to you."_

Sam slowly nods

_"I couldn't do that to him anyway. He's in peace. I saw it. He's with everyone we lost, he said he would wait for me... Can't tear him out from this."_

Saskia and Sam keep on talking while the sun slowly sets on the little graveyard.

Dean, Cas, Anaël and Hannah rest close to one another, and they know that one day they will join them right here.

 

***

_"Meg works in my shop?"_

Rudi shrugs

_"She hasn't killed Nicole yet?"_

They laugh. The four of them are headed to Nan's Treasures, and Saskia already knows that as far as everyone was concerned, Sam and her had been in a car accident and Adele was their doctor. Rudi, on the other hand is supposed to be Saskia's first foster father, before she was sent to "those horrible trailer trash people".

_"I know it seems like a strange idea that I brought you two here. But since after a month at my place you didn't wake up I thought... I thought you'd be better in a place that felt like home."_

Said Rudi when Saskia asked him why he had settled in North Kingston.

_"Adele wanted to bring you back to Germany, and since I refused, she stayed here to take care of you."_

Saskia smiled

" _Good care I must say, I haven't lost a pound and my muscles are in a pretty good shape after having been out for a year..."_

Adele took her hand

_"That was the least I could do for you liebchen."_

Saskia thinks that since she's been awake she's caught a few glances and hidden smiles between Rudi and Adele, and that's maybe what changed her so much since the last time they saw each other. But now is not the time to talk about it. Now is the time to...

_"Oh sweet baby Jesus!"_

Nicole Devereaux has just popped out of the store and is hugging Saskia with way too much strength while talking way too fast

_"Oh my goodness you're awake! But how? Dr Scholl you are a miracle worker. I know what people say about healthcare in Europe but... Oh my gosh! Come inside my darling.... Meghan? Meghan! Look who's here!"_

"Meghan", well Meg, appears from behind a shelf. She's thinner, her hair shorter and dark brown, but she looks fine, healthy, maybe a little pale. As she walks towards them, Sam notices the little pin on her corsage with her name written on it. Meghan Clarence. A little sad, he hugs her, and she hugs him back, whispering

_"It's nice to see you both alive and well."_

Nicole hasn't stopped talking since they came inside, and is now making tea for everybody, while Meg is setting chairs around an old table

_"…such a nice man your step father Saskia darling... No, no, no Mr Heartfield, that's true! And what a pretty name! Isn't that a pretty name? Anyway I was really glad to meet you, and you Dr Scholl..."_

She pours some tea in a few old teacups decorated with pink flowers and dancing shepherds

_"...so good to Meghan! I really admire that you know? Hardworking people? I must say I was a little reluctant in the beginning, no offense Meggie, because she had no experience, but you should see what she brings here! Old objects, so old you wouldn't believe it!"_

Saskia smiles. Meg probably does the same thing she used to do, buying cursed objects for ten percent of their real price.

 _"Well I hope 'Meggie' doesn't put herself in uh... dangerous situations._ "

She says, while blinking at Meg who laughs behind her cup

_"Auctions get as dangerous as you want them to you know. The only think I told Meggie is 'know when to stop bidding' and trust me, she's an expert!"_

Adele coughs

_"Mrs Devereaux, we are really thankful for what you did for Meg, and actually we came here to ask you if it was possible for her to take a holiday. Since Saskia and Sam are better now, we would like to visit some common friends. I am sorry it's on short notice."_

Nicole laughs

 _"Oh dear Lord of course! It's not even my place to allow that since her boss"_ , she winks at Saskia, _"is back on business"_

Saskia smiles

_"It's okay Nicole, you're the manager, I'm just the owner."_

Nicole smiles back after having heard what she wanted to hear and says

_"Take a week Meggie, you've earned it!"_

Outside, Saskia takes Meg's hand and says

_"You brave little warrior!"_

And Meg burst out laughing

_"It's okay. I actually like her you know? Behind her façade  friendliness she's like the most vicious creature in the whole town."_

Everyone laughs, especially Saskia

_"I'm still a demon at heart you know!"_

Adds Meg, while smiling. 

_"I didn't know what to do after... I was just so lost, so weak... Your father took me with him and when we got here, we figured that working would probably take my head out of Cas's death..."_

Saskia gently takes her hand _"I'm so sorry Meg."_

Meg smiles through the tears _"It's ok. I have like what, sixty years left to live? It's nothing. And I want to know what it means to be human."_

Saskia asks

_"You do?"_

_"Yeah. Clarence was fascinated by humans. I want to know why and... I'd like to settle here... If it's ok..."_

Saskia pats her shoulder

_"You can keep on staying at my house and working at the shop as long as you can bear Nicole."_

Meg smiles again

_"Thanks. I know I can do it, I'll do it for him."_

_"And for you."_

Adds Saskia, squeezing her hand.

_"And for me."_

***

 

_"We have turned the Hidden Mansion into a study center for American witches and wizards..."_

Pawel and Theo are giving Sam and Saskia a tour of what used to be Magnus's house, and it almost looks like a little Hogwarts, except all the students are adults. An hour ago, Adele and Rudi said they had something to show them, and when they crossed the portal Rudi installed in the basement, they all appeared in the bunker, now filled with many unknown and a handful of familiar faces.

_"We can't take children in for now, it's too soon. But maybe that in a generation..."_

Says Theo while absent-mindedly caressing her belly. Saskia smiles, a little redhead is probably growing up right under her palm.

_"I can't believe everything was done by wiccans until now."_

Says Pawel, an ironic smirk on his face

_"Don't say that word, it's a disgrace."_

Replies Adele, looking very serious and then laughing like a little girl.

_"Herman Scholl I command thee to leave this body at once!"_

Says Rudi with a sanctimonious tone. Adele smiles to him and Sam looks at Saskia in a way that means "have you seen what I've just seen". She discreetly nods. Of course she has. It's silly how strange it feels to be back and to see that life went on. Kevin, Linda and Charlie have spent the last year working in the bunker while Pawel and Theo were creating their school, all under Hermann's patronage. The place is active like a beehive.

_"I thought..." says Sam, a little lost in his thoughts, I thought after that battle everything would be... Over."_

Kevin pats Sam's shoulder.

"Oh well. Not really. Of course the Faes are gone and everything An-related is too. But now the Night Folk is trying to figure out who should rule, which leads to conflicts, which leads to people dying. We have business with the Gods... by the way Gabriel and Gadriel say hi."

Sam nods but still looks absent and Kevin adds

_"Sam, you're my friend and I'd love to work with you again. But I won't blame you if you want out. This place will always be open doors for you. It's still your home."_

Sam looks around and sighs. He's always wanted out, as long as he can remember.

 _"I need a minute."_ He says, and naturally, he takes Saskia's hand and they both walk outside Magnus's house. Sam looks like a lost child, and it reminds Saskia of the day she arrived in the bunker. She knows that without Dean, Sam loses his north and doesn't know where to go.

_"You're wondering what he would want?"_

Sam turns around, eyes filled with tears, and nods almost imperceptibly. He sighs

 _"I... I'm not afraid of failing without him... I'm afraid... "_ He represses a sob _"This... Having a group... Friends... An actual purpose... It's what I've always wanted... When I was a kid I hated... The loneliness, the aimless driving, the blind violence..."_

He tries to pull himself together

_"You're afraid to be happy."_

Tears start to fall

_"You've always hated hunting, you only stayed for him. And now he's gone, being happy would be like..."_

Sam nods

_"... Betraying him."_

He is close to breaking down so Saskia quickly comes closer and gently hugs him.

_"I understand Sam... I understand..."_

He hugs her back, with maybe a little too much strength but she doesn't mind. Sam holds her and he feels calmer. He feels, he knows, whether he stays or leaves, as far as she and friends are concerned it doesn't change anything. He will be loved the same, his birthdays will be celebrated the same, he will be called, visited, will always have a place to stay. No blackmail. No tears. No goodbyes.

He wants to stay. Truly, deeply, that's what he wants. Dean, when he was alive, would probably have been jealous, but the Dean he saw up there wouldn't. He would want him to live the rest of his life a happy man. Saskia looks at him tenderly

_"You know it doesn't change anything if you..."_

He smiles

_"I know"_

He looks at her and he sees the hope in her eyes. He's family to her, to them. He doesn't know how or why, but he has inspired people. People have gathered around him and they saved the world. Rudi told him once he should start to see himself through his friends eyes, and not through his father's, or even his brother's.

He can't bail on them.

_"I'm in."_

Saskia jumps in his arms and he feels he made the right choice.

 _"Come on"_ he says, _" we've got work to do."_

 

***THE END***


End file.
